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Thursday, March 16th, 2006
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so, everyone go check out http://www.rickcruzphotography.com/ because soon I'll be featured there. Heck yeah! This guy is amazing. He has parts of the everglades NAMED after him, because he finds endangered species of flowers and photographs them, not he's branching off into artistic nudes, to help raise awareness for the preservation of Florida's wetlands. Wow!
And tomorrow I'm going to Palatka. Finally, to see someone who I'll never really see again... but at least I'll be near her, and it's better than nothing. <3 Because I love her sooooooo much.
Then, after, I may shoot up to Daytona Bch. to see ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) stevebennett at anime express(Lamest con evar), but that's not for sure yet. Depends on time, and if I can call out on Sunday at work... since I don't have it off just yet. Hell, maybe I'll say "Give it to me, or I quit" because if they fire me, I got somewhere else to go (GNC is asking for me back after I cursed my manager out and called him a fat smelly bastard). =)
PLUS, at last, I'm getting health insurence, so I'm excited. I'm going to get evaluated, and on the way to full mental health! (My anxiety is keeping me from eating and sleeping... so tired.... all the time).
My gram's b-day is tomorrow as well, and I drew a picture for her of an angel which is the only thing I've drawn in a looooong time. I need to get back into it... but since Chicago passed I've not felt very... happy. Especially since a lot of the people I used to talk with have grown apart, making me feel so alone. Please call me =( If you still care. I don't, because I feel that people don't care, so I don't try. I promise, if you still wanna be my friend, I'll try sooooooo hard to be the best one to you that I can, now that I know what it means to loose someone you love, I charrish every moment with everyone...
I'm turning into a bit of an alcaholic now that my bf is 21... not good, but that's why I'm getting help. He's so supportive. I love him. He's keeping me in line, now that he's cleaning up his act. But I don't think I could ever be strong enough to give up herb. Not yet at least. Woahahs ok, y drying is kicking in, so I'm gonna go, before the typos get so bad it doesn't matter what I say, because you wont be able to read it.
Love, Me xoxoxoxoxox
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | she left me broken |
| Time: | 11:23 pm. |
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I feel like it's all falling apart around me
I dunno how I'll make it through tomorrow. It's now been an entire year, and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I feel so alone in my pain right now, because no one else knew her, so I can't share what I'm feeling with anyone who'd understand. There was one person, but the fatass might as well be dead to me, since he forgot me and her as well by now. So, fuck you!
I wanted sooo bad to go see her this weekend. I'd planned to lay down on the grass and cry until I couldn't breathe, and beg her to forgive me for being such a horrible friend to her, when she was alive. I hope she waits for me, I hope so badly I'll get to see her one more time. I want to be with her NOW, so badly, to be with her for eternity... but I'm too scared of that... and the darkness there.
Tonight I took out all the letters she'd sent to me, and read them, crying and sobbing her name.
I still love her so much. I need her comfort so very badly right now. I want my Chicago. I want her back! Please, please... I hurt so very. very badly. God. Fuck you Jesus, and the whore you came out of! You took the only thing that was good in my life away... the onlything I didn't know I had, until it was gone.
http://img73.imageshack.us/img73/6356/lastscan8fx.jpg
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 12th, 2006
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| Subject: | Anyone need a place for Megacon? |
| Time: | 2:40 pm. |
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So, reserved a double bed room for MEGACON, but the person who was comin with us bailed out last night. So like, if you wanna stay with us, all we ask is for one night paid for, and you can stay the whole weekend with us(We're stayin fri-sat night, check out sunday). It's something like $99+tax so if anyone is interested please please please do not delay and tell us. I'm so broke after having my Wisdome teeth out on Friday, so any help with this is very welcome. Or else we may be going to the hotel, but not the con... Because no money to get in. See? ok, thanks.
Oh, and HAPPY FUCKIN BIRFDAY TO decayofbeauty!!!
I turned 20 on the 5th, btw....if anyone is interested.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
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| Subject: | to someone who doesn't want to know me because of who I am |
| Time: | 5:06 pm. |
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Deathly cold at midnight
seeping through the gates.
Hiding the stars from sight.
Nothing seems new of late.
Creeping across my skin.
Rising from the dead.
Can't seem to make any light
of these dark thoughts.
All my hopes take flight
and are replaced with hate.
leaking through my heart.
Filling me with bile.
Why do these feelings haunt me?
Why can I not escape?
Some day I'll make you see.
Until then I'll be here.
Spilling across my mind.
Carving you in my arm.
I reach out with all my might
and scream my pain to the air.
without you curses hold no bite.
See me run from my fear.
Seeping in too deep to stop.
Just don't think I could.
Pain is my only right.
It calls me like nothing else.
I fly to great hights
To bring you back to me.
I'm way too far from help.
I'll never forget you tried so hard.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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| Subject: | catchy songs |
| Time: | 9:10 am. |
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Here, lemme lift your mood a little with some song and dance.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, November 19th, 2005
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I sure am happy it's a big fat MAN in red who visits us, and not her. Something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving!
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 11th, 2005
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Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much. It scared the shit out of me! So today I decided I'm never reading articles again.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
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Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
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Thursday, September 29th, 2005
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The only man I havn't gotten sick of, and I prolly never will <3
Here's to 1 year and 4 months!
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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Today is my grand pappy's b-day! Yay, means steaks for dinner if I go home to visit. YAY!
As well, I'll prolly take my town car out to be partied in at my friend Candace's house. If she's home that is.
Is it odd that all of a sudden I want to be a nutrition specialist instead of an artist now? Yeah, I'd like to help people eat right, and be the person that their fat self ate. My mom used to work with one at Labcorp and he specialized in diabeties nutrition. I think I'd just like to help obeese people, because they jiggle too much, and they could help it. Most big people don't even have a chance because their parents made them fat from the get-go. If you have a baby, make sure you chase it around the block with a stick, on a daily basis, to keep it active.
Or sick Farfie on it....
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, September 17th, 2005
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I got a cars now. Of course I still need to get my license, heh heh, but all in good time, right? 'Sides, a little card isn't THAT important...
I'm also purdy sick. Been on antibiotics and stuff, but it seems to not be gettin' better. No more, make the coughing stop! lol Everyone has it too.
Now Tim is pissed at me. For once it's not even really my fault. His computer is fucking up, and his dad wants him to type something up, but microsoft word is just...gone. How's it my fault? Tim's dad gave him $300 a few months ago to get a new windows setup, and one of my friends asked to borrow it. Tim said ok. Said friend nevar... NEVAR gave it back, and I gotta hear shit from Tim every day because I stood there and said "It's ok, he's MY friend, you can trust MY friends" so now I'm shit. It's my fault the disk is gone. He just stormed outta the room too, screaming "I'm sorry you are smarter than me!" because I was trying to help him copy word to a disk from my comp, and he wasn't understanding me. =\ Damn it all *cough cough*
I uh, also lost my job 2 weeks ago, and uh... I think I'm banned from the store. One night I decided to just be random, and I wasn't going to go to work the next day, and not call. I did this because there are multiple people working at my job who do it, and they get yelled at, but not fired. So, with that, added on top that we just got a new manager who weighed around 400lbs (maybe 380lbs). This is not why I didn't like him. It was more the fact that when he talked to you, he spit on you, and he had this breath that was just like rotting flesh infested with magots. Stains all over his shirt that he wore every day... and he was this hard-core old skool rocky fan, so he thought he was the shit, better than all the n00bs. wtf eva man. And he was taking credit durring store reviews for things he didn't even lift a finger to do. Bah! That's why I decided not to go in. So, 3pm rolls by and he calls to ask why the store was closed all day, and why the hell I was still sleeping, then he mentioned something about me getting fired if I didn't come in that second. That's where I just kinda saw red and falled him a slab of fucking deepfried bullshit with his head so far up our bosses ass that he couldn't even see how much everyone else hated him and wished he'd choke on his 5 mc muffins in the morning. I also threw in some you are an ugly loser reject who makes girls like them by giving them presents, when in reality they are thinking what a pathetic loser he is. Believe me, if you'd ever met him, you woulda liked this. It was.... cool. My mom was there, and she was laughing her head off. I'd never done that before. Never actually told someone off kinda in person, on the phone, but still! It almost made me itch to go in and see him, the look, the angry hate in his eyes that I caused. Heh.
I don't know about you, but when I hurt other people's feelings it hurts me too... a lot, but I don't feel like dirt about this one. I guess everyone is right, and not all people are good, so it isn't so bad to take a shit in their hats every now and then to remind them why it's better to be nice.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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AFO
Heh, who's going? I wanna meet up with ya if you are, or something. At least know that I should keep an eye out for ya so I can say 'hello'.
Exchange digits or what not.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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bleh. One more post. XD
I got a new shirt, when I went shopping for pants. It rocks. $5!
=p
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Comments: Read 27 or Add Your Own.
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HP=Teh awesome.
loves it, tho it frustrates me as much as it gladdens me. All little kids are twirps. If I were Harry (Not only would I have a penis!), but I'd hit every kid who ever snubed me at that school. I'm the boy who lived, biotches!!
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Comments: Read 19 or Add Your Own.
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Ever since Tim's dad fixed the air filter in the hall, it makes this odd whistle/hum.
If it's all quiet it almosts sounds like a flute and a lady singing.
I can't decide if I think it's pretty or anoying.
Maybe both.
But more of the first.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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cute lj piccu I saw in a com
just something cute
And a pic I'm working on when I go to work.
So... have I mentioned that I've lost, oh, about 55 lbs? Yeah... exactly. I don't think I have said anything about it, but now you know, I guess. ^^;; *Is happy with self*
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Comments: Read 14 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | What goes around comes around... |
| Time: | 10:06 pm. |
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....sings country Western singer Willie Nelson, in a ballad about "getting what you deserve"
Each karma, or action, generates a vibration, a distinct oscillation of force, a vasana, or subliminal inclination that continues to vibrate in the mind. These vasanas are magnetic conglomerates of subconscious impressions. Like attracts like. Acts of love attract loving acts, malice attracts malice. And each action, karma, continues to attract until demagnetized. This is accomplished through re-experiencing it, or resolving it with understanding (rather than compounding it with reaction) or through other subtler spiritual means and practices.
Words to learn:
karmadosha:Sinful work or vice, blunder; evil consequences.
karmaphala:The fruit of actions.
prayaschitta:Penance. "Predominant thought or aim; weighing heavily on the mind."
WEBSITES OF NOTICE:
http://www.keytolife.info/
LOL =D
That is the end of my class for today, everyone!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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