Fuck you, Russell T Davies.

FUUUUCK YOOOUUUUUU

Ganked from amanuensis1:

You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. one weapon.
2. one song blasting on the speakers.
3. one famous person to fight alongside you.

Weapon can be real or fictional, you may assume endless ammo if applicable. Person can be real or fictional.

1. Does this assume that I would have infinite ammo and knowledge of how to use the weapon in question? Because I suck with firearms. Also, I would need to know if these zombies are the type that turn you into one of their hideous flesh-eating brethren when they bite you, since that would influence my preference as to long range vs. short range weapons.

I am overthinking this.

Assuming my current level of expertise, probably a chainsaw. I've noticed a lot of people talking about flamethrowers but on reflection, I think they would cause as many problems as they solve. Malls are full of flammable stuff.

2. I am learning that nothing in my iTunes is particularly hardcore, and for slaying zombies what you kinda need is what my mother refers to as 'bangy bang' music. However, I would take 'Take Me Out' by Franz Ferdinand and/or the David Schommer cover of 'Eleanor Rigby'.

3. James Bond, for the sole reason that he never ever dies and assuming I'm not secretly in thrall to his archnemesis, I would survive at least long enough for him to fuck me after the danger is past.

Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice needs the occasional 'tell Klavier Gavin to stop being such a prick' option.

I feel much too strongly about these things.

This entry is intended exclusively for one person, but if you like Speed Grapher then you might want to look here I guess. >_>

( Ginza hooray )

Finally, a post to which this icon is relevant.

I've just come back from my second viewing and have discovered that if you were just there for the buckling of swash and the hotness of Depp and so forth, like I was, you really have to re-watch it so you can keep tabs on who is betraying who and for what reason at any given time. It feels overly convoluted the first time, but the second time it feels justifiably complex.

Having said that, for the second time, I came out of the cinema thinking 'that was awesome, but I'm not exactly sure why'. It could have had a good 30-40 minutes cut and lost nothing, but I like long movies so it didn't bother me too much.

So, a ramble in no particular order.

( SPOILERS AHEAD. YARR. )

When the revolution comes, the following public transport users will be at least among the first against the wall:

People who listen to their iPod (or equivalent) so loudly that the lyrics can be easily discerned. Addendum: Those with the volume cranked up so high you can actually hear the vocalist breathe in between lines will be removed and shot in the head. No second chances.

Parents or carers who have not introduced their kids to the fact that a bus/train/plane/ferry/whatever is a place containing other people. People who deserve respect and will not appreciate them shrieking for a solid twenty minutes. I know you're supposed to ignore bad behaviour and reward good, but when your crotch droppings are screaming, spilling their drinks and distracting the driver, now is the time to do something about it. Addendum: People who react by making a single half-assed attempt and then giving up, by getting into a shouting match with their kids, by attempting to garner sympathy from other passengers ('I have no idea what gets into him, he doesn't act like this at home...') or by actively encouraging this sort of behaviour - shot.

Loud drunken people in the middle of a completely normal day. I know, better on the bus than driving, but you know where would be even better? At home, sober. And especially when there's six of you. For Christ's sake, the bus prices around here are prohibitive - it would have been cheaper for you to share a cab.

Bigoted motherfuckers. Yes, a whole bunch of bus drivers in my hometown are Polish. They are also unfailingly polite, excellent drivers and they will most likely understand English, which means that when you sit near the front and start with your 'coming into our country, taking our jobs' rant they will know what you're talking about. Note to bus drivers: as far as I know, you guys have the right to refuse carriage to anyone at any time. Leave some of these people out in the cold. It'll be fun.

People (usually girls in their mid-teens) who talk unnecessarily loudly; I'm not talking about speaking to be heard over traffic/engine noise/general hubbub. I'm talking about people who crank up the volume because: a) they're talking and listening to music at the same time, so can't regulate their speech volume, b) they're trying to be heard over someone else's iPod, c) they're trying to win an argument by dint of getting in the last word, d) they're just noisy fuckers, or - particularly - e) they're bragging or think their conversation is just as scintillating to everyone else on the bus as it is to them. Nobody cares, girls. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. Pipe down already.

Creepy old men. You know who you are. I'm sitting opposite you because I have to, not because I want you to stare at my boobs. D:

Anyone else who can't just sit down, stay quiet and keep themselves to themselves for half a goddamn hour. What the Christ is wrong with you people?

Why is it that I can write rants whenever the mood takes me, but when I actually have to do a polemic for my Writers' Craft class, I can't think of anything that annoys me?

Let's see, what gets on my nerves? Global injustice...the increasing corporatisation of the world at large...war...racism...misogyny...Tesco...RyanAir...Microsoft...James Blunt...BT customer services...

My blood is not boiling. Hmm.

Dear Nickelodeon UK:

When you license the second season of one of the most highly-regarded cartoons that's come out of the USA in recent years for showing on Nick Toons, plz to be showing the whole damn season, not just the first eight episodes. Thx.

Also, take back the money you're going to pay M. Night Shyamalan and spend it on making a motion-length animation. Pull out all the stops; it'll be fun. Even an eight-year-old could tell you it will be better.

- A frustrated newly-converted Avatard

--

Dear M. Night Shyamalan,

Please don't make a live-action Avatar movie. Just don't. Please concentrate on recovering your own franchise (whose current condition is best displayed here) before you try fiddling with someone else's.

Admittedly your concepts tend to suck a lot more than your actual direction and thus it might be okay, but I'm not giving you the benefit of the doubt about Lady In The Water.

Some love because 'Unbreakable' wasn't bad at all,
Naomi

--

Dear Avatar fandom,

Kataraang? Tee hee. It sounds like a kind of weapon.

Also, is it bad that when I was ruminating on pairings like I always do now when encountering a new series, the first one I thought of was Iroh/Zuko? Methinks I've spent far too long in the Harry Potter fandom.

Hesitant love because I've heard your shipping wars are absolutely ferocious,
Naomi

P.S: If I wanted some good Avatar icons, where would I look? Hm...

I have today taken delivery of a beautiful, shiny and enormous Mac Pro. After I've had a few days to play with it I will probably post something going into disgusting detail about how wonderful it is. If it isn't wonderful, then to be honest I'm probably going to keep that to myself.

However, an immediate concern: I also have a 22" widescreen monitor, and using AIM is going to make me go blind. I'm using Arial 10pt, which I know is respectable, but it looks tiny on my screen. I think that AIM for Windows has an option to make everything look bigger; does the Mac version have anything similar? Any answers to the affirmative will be rewarded with my firstborn child.

Okay, f-list. I plead a moment, and your wise counsel. Lay it on me.

( Hi, I'm a mac and I am shrouded in mystery - tl;dr under here. )

What I'm asking for is the testimony of people who have a) regularly used a PC and a Mac, either at the same time or having upgraded from one to the other and b) are not employed by Apple Computer Inc. or Microsoft Corporation or any of their subsidiaries. Can somebody please clear up the following for me: are the following legends true or false?

1) Macs 'never' crash. (for 'never', read 'never so long as you're not a complete moron')
2) Macs never get viruses or anything suspiciously similar to viruses
3) Macs use their hardware resources more efficiently. (i.e. a 2ghz Mac with 1gig of RAM will be faster than a PC with the same specs. iGoatee explained this to me in a way that made sense right up until I left the store and got distracted by pretty lights and music)
4) Macs are as good as PCs for games. (This is more an issue of curiosity than anything else. I don't play any games other than The Sims 2, which runs like a river of congealed blood and jagged rocks on my PC)
5) It is reasonably easy to find all the software you'll need for a Mac.
6) Macs will run out of the box, are easy to get to grips with and do not require a never-ending stream of auto-downloaded updates.
7) Macs are better for designers and artists. (this is very important. Photoshop and Illustrator are the only programs I use which are particularly demanding hardware-wise)
8) Macs represent better value for money than PCs and are in fact not just for posers with disposable income.

If I could just get one or two of these questions answered by people I can trust, that would be great. x_x~ Links to an independent review site would be just as good. Thank you!

- Naomi

And now for something entirely un-Christmas-related....a snippet from My Older Brother Vs. The Internet.

Mother: *discussing a forum she visits* ...so yes, he was annoying. But eventually the mods banned him, they thought he was a troll.
Josh: What's a troll?
Naomi: Um...basically it's someone who hangs around online forums and Livejournal etc. and makes inflammatory comments just to start off fights.
Josh: *bewildered* Why do they bother?
Naomi: *shrug* They think it's fun.
Josh: ....so why do you call them trolls? We had a word for that before the Internet. It's 'dickhead'.
Naomi: But -
Josh: No, no buts. You're just validating their dickheadish behaviour by giving them a special word. 'The mods banned him because they thought he was a dickhead'. Isn't that easier for everyone to understand?
Naomi: ...you may have a point.

So I'm not calling them trolls any more. Happy holidays.

- Naomi

So after the absence of 'real' updates on my personal eljay for God-knows-how-long, I return with a bizarre vignette and a rant I've wanted to get off my chest for a long time. I originally wanted to be funny, but found I couldn't - if any of this makes you laugh then I swear it has nothing to do with me.

( Regarding comestics. )

Love,

Naomi

P.S: People who are actually interested in my life as it progresses should probably be told that I've gone back to university, taking Creative Writing at Manchester Metropolitan. Hooray. Also, I'm sorry about not having updated naomisketchpad for a month, but I've been busy with other things.

ETA: A little bit of fun with technology. BT Internet's security division phoned me today with the news that they've had some reports of copyright infringement from Warner Brothers. Naturally my internal response was 'oh shit'...and then the guy rattles off a long list of WB movies that I've never seen, legitimately or otherwise. Sensing that something is up, I finally got around to working out how to properly secure our wireless interweb...and how to check the traffic stats. Guess how many devices have been piggybacking on our connection? Seventeen. SEVENTEEN. We've been servicing half the bloody street. No wonder my internet's been so slow lately.

Not much to report. I'm taking driving lessons at the moment - the wonders of a) driving at 60mph and b) going backwards (at a slightly more sedate pace) are no longer a mystery to me. All good stuff.

I bought a Nintendo DS Lite the other day and, well, Animal Crossing: Wild Worlds is far, far more addictive than a game without any sort of recognisable plot or aim should be, even given that it rains constantly in my town and tthat I'm currently being held over a barrell by a stoned-looking raccoon. Which brings me to the point of this post: if anyone wants to visit me in my crap AC:WW town and give me stuff, leave your Friend ID here (it's a 12-digit number you get off Copper the dog at the Main Gate) and I'll reply with mine - comments will be screened.

Some of you may remember that I had a small spot of trouble with a flight operator called Ryanair when I tried (that being the key word) to go on holiday last year. The upshot is that - due to circumstances mostly beyond our control - we missed our flight, missed the wedding we'd been trying to get to, and went uncompensated.

Well, they're bastards, but now I have my comeuppance. Sort of.

Last Monday, Channel 4 aired an episode of their series 'Dispatches', one of their methods being the use of undercover journalists to infiltrate a particular company or operation. Two women thus enrolled in the flight assistant program, and a few months the show was aired under the subtitle 'Ryanair: Caught Napping'.

( Read more... )

Love,

Naomi

So I never update my eljay. Wow, I suck.

Anyway. The last time I updated with something even approaching content was, like, last October (and I've now made that entry private, so don't even go look for it). In the meantime, our erstwhile heroine has (in no real chronological order):

+ Been cast as Andrea in 'They Beat The Girl Out Of My Boy', a part of 'The Vagina Monologues' about transgendered women. The TVM girls are awesome, and our director Becky is the bounciest, most enthusiastic woman ever. And she uses the phrase 'that was fucking fabulous' so often that now I've adopted it.
+ Made a new comm for my fics and art and whatnot: naomisketchpad.
+ Decided to dump the whole Leeds University mess as a bad idea, entered into prematurely (which, incidentally, I knew in October, but my parents didn't agree with me until a couple weeks ago - how awesome is that?); I am now leaving next Wednesday and shall seek employment with a view to reapplying for 2007 entry. Which uni and what degree, I have no idea. If it comes to next winter and I still don't know, I shall not be so stupid as to apply for something just for the sake of it. Again.
+ Bought some awesome shoes. Yes, dammit, that's important. Corduroy Converse All-Stars are love.
+ Been tentatively planning to open an online store with my brother's girlfriend, Kat, to sell her jewellery and arts/crafts type stuff, maybe some of Josh's photos, and maybe some of my art. It's a bit up in the air at the moment, but it's neat.
+ Seen a whole bunch of movies. Brokeback Mountain I could happily (well, in floods of tears, but y'know) watch daily until I die. Memoirs of a Geisha was very pretty but that was about it. Munich was great up to the last twenty minutes, and it ended on a shot of the New York skyline and the Twin Towers were just right there. It was so appallingly heavy-handed. You could almost hear Spielberg behind the cameras going 'Symbolism/foreshadowing, aaand....we're done.'
+ Spent the whole week wearing a sweatshirt with 'Vagina Warrior' splashed across the left breast.

( In which Naomi has a good day. )

Love,

Naomi

I've always been a peaceful man
Spread joy and harmony whenever I can
Wars of words are the only ones I've fought
Not used to having such violent thoughts

But I may just have to murder James Blunt
He's an evil that I must confront
I'm well aware that he was in the military
But dragon ninja training wouldn't save his scrawny ass from me

There's no court that would convict me of a crime
Because if I hear 'You're Beautiful' one more bloody time
Into the fiery pits of hell he will descend
I know his 'life is brilliant', but I may have to bring it to an end

Yes, I may just have to murder James Blunt
He might sound better with his head on back to front
Before he cuts another disc the git must hang
He's the only man in history who's his own rhyming slang

And for the sake of all I must act
Then I'll get Katie Melua as well and make it look like a suicide pact
If you think this is a joke - well, it isn't
Please God someone stop me
Before I murder James Blunt.

God bless you, Mitch Benn.

Merry Christmas or whatever. I know it's a few days late.

( Read more... )

If and when the Incitement To Religious Hatred ban is brought into effect, will Guy Fawkes' Night (the shameless celebration of someone killed for what turned out to be little more than being Catholic) be banned?

Just a thought.

NaNo spam later.