| decipher me, thankyouverymuch |
[Wednesday
July 23rd, 2008] |
I've been blogging diligently every day, it can only mean one thing- that i am not happy. Typing in this blank box somehow makes me feel better, as if i've just told someone what is bothering me.
If i don't learn to let things go, i know it will only spiral down to our deaths.
Its been a long time since i had long-ish fingernails and i realised that it's rather hard to type this way.
Old times, like never before. when things were 10times simpler and i was 2 times shorter.
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| close your eyes and share this dream with me |
[Wednesday
July 23rd, 2008] |
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
- Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe. Never knew her any more than THE sex icon and her signature skirt flying thing. In her lifetime, she actually said something quote-worthy.
Today i miss the old times more than anything, when things were mindlessly happy. And i stare at photos and familiar faces. But then since i've come this far, I know that as long as i stick true to myself, no one of you can bring me down with any false words or accusation. And those are the people that have no right to hurt me and no reason for me to bother about them. The ones who care, who have been with me, are the ones i shall invest in. What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. So in words i tell myself, not to bother, not to feel hurt and move on.
For reasons, i cannot get to sleep. And i wish i could ring you up like old times. Somehow deep inside, i know i wish i still had that group of close friends that randomly call and date, and would meet me for supper at unearthly hours. And those that you can call in the middle of the night and they would wake up to talk to you just cos you can't get to sleep.
love.
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| Eyes on us |
[Monday
July 21st, 2008] |
Last night i dreamt that i lost my phone and i was very sad. In my dream, i dropped my very pok phone on the floor, stared at it for a bit and walked away. About 2hrs plus of dream-time later, i realised that i dropped my phone and went back to that exact spot to look for it but it was gone. The next WTH thing was that when i called myself, the dialtone things was that of a guy singing spiderpig. I woke up feeling shitty and spiderpig was still playing in my head. oh well.
I also realised today that i love my dad alot. He compromises alot just to ensure that peace in this family is kept. And no matter how shitty my day is (like because of a shitty dream) and how unfair i think many things are, he well keeps me sane.
It was a good idea not to go out today because it has been raining the entire day. i get to bump around and laze in bed, which i haven't had the time to do so for a while. plus factor is also the alone time and time with my dad. But i shall go down later to get my cranberry juice.
And this is for the best friend;
This should have been done close to 2mths ago but oh well. Happy VERYVERY belated 20th dear girl!=) I am so very glad that we've been able to meet up more often nowadays instead of our once per year date kind of thing. There've been a million changes since sec sch days and we've both grown up in our own ways but i am sure we'll be FFL (friends-for-life). It'll be rather exciting to see what happens in the near future and i hope there'll be no weeping phonecalls. In any way, when THAT happens, you better not leave me alone and drift off in your couple land or i shall gang up with daryl and write you both a hate-mail. And i still want to be your bridesmaid and please pick my kids up in your family seater and drive them to school for me, thankyouverymuch.=) We shall be meeting up soon=))). Love manymany.=)
now i shall quit bumping, go back to hating technology and go downstairs to get cranberry juice.
byebyeseeyoulater!
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| crash and burn |
[Friday
July 18th, 2008] |
Hello, Its been a while, i've been updating, just not here=))
Pictures soon! =)
love.
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| someday, we're gonna get so high. |
[Friday
July 4th, 2008] |
This morning i woke up sad. I realised that the distance from my house to bugis is long, long enough for my carrot cake my dad bought to turn cold and soggy. I wanted to microwave it but then i cldn;t find the switch to work it. oh well.
Today's THE last day and i am very sad, this has been the best company so far so unless i find a better one, I am coming back. In the meantime, i'm trying to sort out the overwhelming amount of free time i'll have. Somewhere in all the confusion, i have somewhat decided i shall go scoop ice-cream for a miserable $4/hr.
Recently I've been feeling anti-social. I've been wanting to have a good solid conversation with someone but when it comes down to it, i want to say nothing. I just don't want to be bothered with anything anymore because i'm cursed by murphy's law. So i've borrowed books, since i don't want to talk to people, i shall read and be left alone. otherwise, you can sit next to me if you promise not to talk or yawn.
As with how it is, it took me more than anything to be okay, and i would give up everything to keep this a constant.
Then again, all these might be just pms. i have deadly cramps today.
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| Kimoto screen |
[Monday
June 30th, 2008] |
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I am currently delirious and love my company to bits. Plus the fact that i have since completed 2 of out of million timesheets and am feeling very proud of myself for that.
Even more, for friends who always make time for you.
Pictures of the booth and ubiq window, the one thing that kept me busy for weeks.=))
 
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| love you longlongtime |
[Wednesday
June 25th, 2008] |
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carrot juice and biscuits for breakfast. Ice tea and chips for lunch. how does that help make a sucky day any less suckier. YOU TELL ME HOW.
If the stars registration thing is going to be as screwed up as last week's, I will officially give up and emo one corner.
The exhibition thing starts tomorrow and we're sort of VERY unprepared. Its a digital marketing fair yet we do not have internet access. Besides that we haven't tested production for the ubiq and plasmas. And the animation's not completed and approved. Both creatives for this project went for dental so we can;t do anything about that. Furthermore, we have busted the budget and so ya, I kind of dunno how to fix it.
I am actually quite amused about it. Everytime someone calls my name, i know what its going to be about, its either the "eh, i check with you arh, do we have _____?" or the " we don't have the _____ done yet, how arh?". And i'll give them the half smile and tell them that i'll fix it and get back to them.
i'm going to stare at the clock till it reaches 1.30pm. Byebye.
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| don't care if you're crazy, you amaze me |
[Monday
June 23rd, 2008] |
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i've been quite like a weird kid recently and its getting to me. Anyhow, for the the past week or so, my lashes have been poking my eyes and irritating the shit out of me so i got it permed, just because. My mom says its kind of risky, my lashes could all have dropped out after that and lashes don;t grow back after they drop. fortunately, most of them are still here.
And i wanted to run on saturday, I am gross and extremely unfit. But then i was already an hour late to meet my friend who was not angry with me thankfully. He understands my need to sleep but he swears the next time i say 1.30, he's only gng to come at 2.30. okay fine, I have to do something about this oversleeping thing. Arcade, food and the most unusual conversation later.
I'm fast losing interest in blogging or rather i have nothing to say and want to say nothing. The key to blog writing is not to think before you write. If you do think, its likely that what you write is going to be emo. Unless of course the emoness is you then cannot be helped, you have no comeback.
Somehow this few days, i have this urge to find somewhere quiet that no one knows about and be alone for a while. My heart and head is kind of heavy. but oh well.
Ever so mindblowing.
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| where you are is where home is |
[Thursday
June 19th, 2008] |
Once again, I have to post my favourite sappy song just because i want it on my blog. I've been trying to find her album or download it but she is quite unknown i think, apparently her CDs aren't even sold in the US or Amazon.com. Oh wells, buy/find me her album and i'll love you longtime. You should really give it a listen, especially to the lyrics. but to make things easier,
Your eyes are full
Full of the future of us
The air changes as you look across
At me in that wondering way
It is as if
I knew you before we spoke
Do our hearts know something we don't?
Conspiring, converging
without giving us any say
You, sing me to sleep
Talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to
You're ruining me
With secrets and gestures and looks
With sonnets from second-hand books
Playing the chords in me
nobody knew how to play
It fits in your hand
like water in rain
It unlocks our two different selves
And shows we are the same
Rather than wait `til I put
me out for the taking
You're breaking
You're breaking
You're breaking into my heart
And I'm letting you
As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. I've been looking at photos of friends who are overseas and busy being jealous of how much fun they seem to be having. I cannot say I do not regret choosing not to go overseas when my parents offered, at least I'll be away from all this nonsense. Right now, I want nothing more than a quiet trip to somewhere nice, alone or with just a few special people. I wanted to say hawaii but i shall be more realistic and say maybe Puket or Tioman, somewhere with nice resorts and quiet beaches. Its time i got a tan anyway.
And if I'm in any way still your friend, you would care about what your actions are doing to me. Honestly, I've done everything I could, you wanted me to give it a try, I did, it just couldn't work out. So either you talk to me like a friend or you bring your nonsense somewhere else. I know you'll be reading this.
On another note, listen to Day is Diming by Brooke Fraser as well, its now my next favourite sappy song. For now, i shall quit listening to sappy songs before the emo-ness catches onto me.
\give the world and all its charm, for a moment with you.
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| sing like you can break my heart |
[Tuesday
June 17th, 2008] |
I've been wanting to put up taiwan pictures because my blog has too much words and no pictures but then i always blog when i'm in office so i can't. But then i shall,... soon.
But happy thing. Today i sat next to shit-cute creative director during meeting and he looked at me twice, in the eyes. It lasted for about 15secs which is damn long considering there were other people and they were mumbling stuff i wasn't listening to. I could have died but then it wasn't anywhere near romantic because i'm sure i've eyebags the size of my face today. OH WELLS. life is sucky this way. I am VERY tempted to put his photo up here to make up for the lack of taiwan pics but. yes.
Work will be stressful from this week till the next, because because the project is due next week and my boss is leaving for good this week. And so if anything goes wrong, it is officially all my fault. I shall breathe and be brave.
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| In this space, paper can break stone walls |
[Monday
June 16th, 2008] |
\ I'll be back in this unlocked space.
On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon
and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and
you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks -
accidentally - and punctures your skin.
And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day,
so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours.
That is okay sometimes because at least you know you're alive.
- Running with Scisssors
Clearing up every one of the old entries was a mighty painful thing to do. It takes more than a few weeks or months to be alright and alot of people don't get that. But when you finally snap out of it, it makes you much stronger than before. And along the years/months, many people drop away and move along and your social circle kind of narrows down to the very few, but its okay, cos those left are those you know will be there for life.
I have alot of things to say but I'll leave it for another day.
Today, everyone has been giving me the OMG-i-thought-you-quit convo and then i have to do the oh-haha-nola-i-went-to-taiwan. And then they eye the bottle of cheena gum and so i decided after a while that the bottle belongs hidden in my cabinet.
On another note. SINGFEST08, I HAVETOHAVETO GO but its kind of steep and the bands i want to see are not on the same day. This is tragic. But whoever is going, TELL ME!=)
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