| rememberance day |
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| 11:55am 11/11/2005 |
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Of course I remember those who went to their deaths for us. I remember the dead, the dying, the lost and abandoned. The majority of humanity, those who were given the short end of the stick.
but that depresses me... and so then I remember you.
I remember the paper that covered the flowers you gave me on valentines day all those years ago. I remember the way you reacted when you first saw my foot kick out. I remember how you look when you sleep, and how you never complain when i wake you up 100 times a night. I remember your shadowed face when we talked about happiness in april on that god-forsaken futon. I remember the feeling when i couldn't find you at the train station in september. I remember that strange light in your eyes thanksgiving monday when you realised that your world had changed yet again... but mostly I remember how i can't take my eyes off of you. How you make the rest of the world an unimportant blur in the background. And especially that swelling of feeling I get when we have given over to the vortex and I can't stop looking in your eyes.
heh... yeah. that unbrideled happiness and surge of hope.
I remember that that is what you have given to me.
I love you. I really do.
your kitten. |
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| 01:23pm 29/09/2005 |
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so yeah.
Mat came up. it was nice.
really nice.
I'm going home for thanksgiving... to see mat mostly.
and my brother. Parentals are still in france till the last night i'm home.
but thats cool. they will have had a good time and i'll get to see my brother and my boyfriend...
i am the mushy pile of feelings.
I am drowing in the sappy river.
hazzah! |
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| 07:03pm 09/07/2005 |
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music: bright eyes - this is the first day of my life
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i'm happy.
i'm also pms'ing and in pain. but i'm happy.
its rians birthday. we're all growing older. im going over to see him soon. ittl be nice as always.
on a side note im terribly affraid i'm on the way to falling in love.
hey look. i just read that line and it was the first time i actually said it outloud.... well i wonder where this will go.
and i think everyone needs a little taoism in their personal philosophy
i'm happy.
this is a good time in my life.
im putting on jamaraqupi and dancing around now. i sugest you do the same. |
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| Because I need to remember this sometime |
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| 01:46am 14/05/2005 |
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mood:  happy music: "dancing with myself" is blaring in my noggin
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I am happy.
blissfully wonderfully but comfortably happy. i.e. not on drugs or giddy happy. just so very happy.
everyone just left. i had fun. we had fun.
i feel complete.
i feel love.
i feel happy.
thank you everyone involved
thank you everyone involved in my life
thank you everyone.
I like being happy... I could get used to this ^.^ |
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| 12:50am 03/05/2005 |
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Your Birthdate: September 11 |
Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist.
You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force.
There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too.
You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental.
Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world.
You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer. |
this is actually... really true.... wow.... bizarre nee?
oh. and i'm 50% girly... not a suprise...
oh. and adrian and i are doing better... and i'm turning into a suck.
damn mat living so far away....
life is good |
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| trying not to cry and scream and run away |
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| 06:03pm 23/04/2005 |
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mood: as detached as I can be music: dashboard confessional - depressing music
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Life is fucked.
i dont know what the hell is going on. im angry and crying and dead inside and all i wanna do is curl up in Mat's arms and pretend the world doesn't exist again... yeah you red it right. mat. Mat Thompson. yeah. the guys heart i ripped out and then dancded on it with his best friend four odd years ago. yeah.... mat. he came to visit me in Montreal... it was his vacation from small town cobourg - parents bought him a ticket... i was gunna set him up with my roomate... bloody hell. it wasn't intentional . it was kinda gravitational... i wasn't entirely sure if i was really really lucky or really really stupid. right ow its leanin gin the direction of stupid. my brother flipped out ... massivly. "there are more guys in the world than Jon and Mat" ... heh... true enough. but ... damn. and i live in montreal. and even when im home hes an hour away. and then hes leaving. going traveling when he becomes a certified chef. six months or something.. so yeah. stupid. my brother doesn't get how im ignoring all his logic. just because when im with him i cant help but start a slow smile and slip my hand in his. its stupid i know. but i cant help it.
i did the worst thing ive e\ver done to anyone to him and hes giving me a second chance. damn lucky.
and jonathan. fucking hell.... jonathan. dont get me started... mat broke it to him and apparently im supposed to give him a call... so he can cry and tell me he never wants to see me again.
fuck.
life is so fucked up. and somehow mat and i just giggled and shook our heads alot and figured that it would blow up... but reality is sinking in and i just want to run back to montreal where we were just two people and none of this shit mattered. we havent even gone out on a date yet.. i mean... fuck.
so i know how its gunna end. seperation. whether by my choice, his, or cercumstances... thats just the way of it. but damnit.
part of me is scared that it only happened beacuse we're just both horribly lonley... maybe it will be easier that way. then we'll realize that were better as friends and this will all be over.
but god damnit i fear that.
im bored outa my goddamn mind. stressed beyond belief - i gotta find a job i need money... and then there is Mat.
oh bloody hell i just want to escape real;ity a little longer and hide away in montreal and pretend that noone will be hurt by this chance of happiness.... including me. |
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| 11:07pm 30/03/2005 |
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music: garden state soundtrack
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Advanced
You scored 92% Beginner, 92% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 70% Expert! |
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional
score. Remember, these are commonly confused
English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender
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You scored higher than 37%
on Beginner
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You scored higher than 37%
on Intermediate
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You scored higher than 34%
on Advanced
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You scored higher than 61%
on Expert
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I don't get how this makes sense.... I scored higher than the most people on expert, but apparently my persentage is the lowest on expert and advanced - where is was second lowest scoring than second highest persentage wise... is what i was classified as....
weird...
lifes been kinda hectic... scalped cathys ticket to the bal en blanc. you dont owe me anything love, i got it all back + $8 in change (woot me for profit!) saw some improv tonight... cute boy named dan - wanna lick.
and im screwed for essay writting in school. wish me luck.
see you all soon. home on april 22nd.
| KIERA |
| K |
is for |
Kind |
| I |
is for |
Insane |
| E |
is for |
Enlightened |
| R |
is for |
Romantic |
| A |
is for |
Amorous |
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| 08:26pm 03/03/2005 |
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[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
[02] I will then tell what song(s) remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
[05] Put this in your journa |
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| 03:09pm 15/02/2005 |
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valentines day was me, gillian, and katherine sitting around and complaining about not getting any while watching a movie full of males we would like to get it on with... katherine doesn't find nightcrawler sexy though... strange girl..
um... ive finally gotten mostly better... the mucius is still a'poring but there are no more fevers and thats nice. i can tay conscious all day long... its a miricle.
im going dancing on friday and ellie is visiting this weekend. life is really good. just gotta figure out how to get my photo portfolio finished... ah well...
gotta do laundry. later
 | You scored as Gryffindor. You have been sorted into Gryffindor! You're brave, loyal, and perhaps a little short tempered- if someone says or does something you don't like, you'll make sure they know- and everyone else too- regardless of the consequences.
Gryffindor | | 100% | Ravenclaw | | 75% | Hufflepuff | | 55% | Slytherin | | 50% | </td>
The Hogwarts Sorting Hat!
created with QuizFarm.com |
 | You scored as Sorcerer. Sorcerers create magic the way a poet creates poems, with inborn talent honed by practice. They have no books, no mentors, no theories-just raw power that they direct at will.
Bard | | 90% | Rogue | | 90% | Sorcerer | | 90% | Monk | | 80% | Fighter | | 70% | Barbarian | | 50% | Druid | | 50% | Paladin | | 50% | Ranger | | 50% | Wizard | | 40% | Cleric | | 30% | </td>
What DnD Class Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com |
yep... thats about right... i love how the cleric is the last option...hehe... devine my ass |
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| life is good |
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| 03:25pm 25/01/2005 |
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mood: medicated and comfortable music: i'm wide awake it's morning - Bright Eyes album
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i'd taken three advil and it was only 12:30
but i am happy.
my life is nothing like what i could make it.... but i am happy.
this winter is disproving my theory that i got seasonally depressed. this is the best winter ive had in years....
all in all im wonderfully content.
i went to the Bright Eyes concert last saturday. bought his new album "i'm wide awake, it's morning" its rather folky - i love it anyway
i think i'm going to go and pick up the black album next week... it came out today.
im going out for a friends friends birthday tomorrow night.. it will be more forced pleasentness. but we're having indian. I'm going out for duck with some prospective friends on thursday... (immany accompanied me to the brigt eyes concert... he didn't even know who they were and his girlfriend had backed out... but he still came because he didn't want me to hae to go alone... i think i have myself a new friend... i even got a hug at the end of the night) apparently duck is amazingly good
im going skiing with gillian and tony on saturday. g's my roomate and tony is her father and my dad's friend - i'm really excited, i got new skiis for christmas. it will be more carefully portrayed pleasentry but im really excited.
i love my roomate. gillian is being so good to me. last night id finished reading something and went into the tv room, lay down beside her and snuggled up under her arm. she draped her arm around my back and tangled her legs with mine.
that was the most comfortable i've been in a long time.
i'm really going to miss her.
shes leaving me in may.
i need to find a new roomate... but i got sooooo lucky with gillian. im scared what that luck had bought me.
i miss you all.
"Bowl Of Oranges"
The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "there is nothing I can do for you, you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help."
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure of it.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone's alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil. |
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| 01:19pm 12/12/2004 |
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music: flatmates rehashing emotional trauma
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You Are Chocolat Orange Pocky |
Your attitude: funky and flavorful
Rich and deep - yet zingy and zesty
You are the perfect partner in crime
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and i got independant sexy and i'm only 29% sketchy, only 40% virgo, and... well im a quiz adict.
i found that one out all by my onesies!
lifes good. done school except for an individual crit on monday. going home next week... going to be exceptionally strange being in a big house with carpet and... family. but im really looking forward to it. can't wait to see all my prescious lefties. amanda is here to visit. gwen stefani's 'bubble pop electric' is always in my head. watched charlie brown xmas 1 and 2, boondock saints, evita, and the usual subjects today... we were a wee bit tired...
but ima gunna call my calli now.
yay! |
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| quizzes from tsireals journal and the missage of the cathy ass. |
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| 10:44am 11/12/2004 |
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music: bubblepop electric - gwen stefani
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You Are a Warrior Soul |
You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating.
You don't give up. You're committed and brave.
Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle.
Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog.
You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods.
You also value honesty and fairness a great deal.
You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding.
You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
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Your Element Is Fire |
Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.
You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.
You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.
You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.
Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.
Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.
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The Yaoi Selector: Which Seme are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
.... wasn't calli suppossta be my fuuma? or was he the kamui to cat and my fuuma.... damn that was a while ago. I think i already took this one.. and the uke one too... got the whole 'you're a seme you nutcase' one again... oh well ^.^
You Are the Individualist |
4
You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.
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i don't like 4.... ah well.
Alright...so i'm pretty much done. i have a crit on mmon but im all finished. im watching hunter x hunter and bleach. my mom has assured me shes not planning on dieing of a degenerative disease and i get to see many of those that i love dearly soon. so life in general is good. im kinda antsy though cause myy flatmate and her friend just went out to this rave/concert thing. the best dj in the world is spinning and they got tickets. im sooo freaking jealous. i'm in the mood to dance too. ah well. ill just have to drag sena and co out when i get home. ive only gone dancing 2ce here and i missed you guys terribly. its no fun unless you have your friends energy to feed off uf / dance with / joke etc... that and there was no cathy ass. montreal is severly short on cathy ass....
sigh~ |
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| 11:44am 08/12/2004 |
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| You scored as Buddhist.
Buddhist | | 75% | Anarchist | | 70% | Cult | | 65% | Christian | | 55% | Jewish | | 55% | Catholic | | 10% | </td>
Religion
created with QuizFarm.com |
Last night i had the first nightmare i can remember having since i was like... 3.
i mean.. i dream of some weird shit. some scary shit... but nothing that has scared me since the monsters of my youth.
but my mother dieing from a degenerative desease.
that scared the shit out of me.
i don't remember crying like that in a dream before ... ever....
i thought it was real.
i remember walkinng into her bedroom and asking her if she was my mom still. if she remembered me, us. and i cried and told her i loved her.
i don't remember ever wakeing up stifeling tears before.
it wasn't a pleasent sensation. |
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| Hurrah for exestential detectives! |
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| 02:25am 20/11/2004 |
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watched "I heart Hucabees" last night. That was a fun movie.
watched the electra trailer because of a certain someones excitement over the project. I'm pleased that the character will get vengance for the pile of shit that was daredevil :shudder:
damn that movie blew.
im dressing up all fancy and going out to a jazz bar tonight. its juies birthday party. ittyl be fun.
going to try and get out of wearing a dress.... but i think shes going to make me. ... i do kinda want to wear thaat purple crushed velvet one... but that also means that there must be pantyhose and heels, so i'm vote'n for just my dresspants.
shame i don't have my pinstriped ones. id love to wear those... well. i'll get them when i go home for christmas.
sigh~
i'm prcrastinating.
snot my fault there is no light. well. i suppose that i could find another way to shoot....
ah well/
laer days. |
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| your halo slippin' down |
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| 01:17pm 14/11/2004 |
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music: a perfect circle-noose (on loop)
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So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
Without himself
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead
Recall the deeds as if
They're all someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well
I find that i'm aching for pain. for joy... for tears and blood and for life. I suppose melodrama must be in the air. But i ache to be alive. its as if i's constantly rising from a slow lifting sleep. I suppose that it hasn't gonne on long enough for me to be worried.... but ive started needing to cry for no reason again. but i'm also well aware of my happiness.... i only have to think of it. Its strange... having to remember to think that i'm happy. its not the apathy. the void... its just this lathargy. maybe i'm malnourished. perhaps i am really asleep. this is just another of my twisted dreams. problem with that scenario is that this reality i'm in is entirely too average. too sane to be one of dreams.
i want to scream. i try sometimes, wen i'm alone... but im too afraid to really scream. it only comes out as frustrated snarls. almost the sound one makes when lifting a heavy object. that tight, loud exhelation. i grow tired with things i usually love escaping into. fanfiction for example... not quite tired of it - no hell hasn't frozen over... i just... would rather do something else.... i just wish i knew what.
It feels like i'm waiting for my turn.
i only wish i knew what was at the end of the line.
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead
With your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down [repeated]
Your halo slipping down to choke you now |
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| 11:38am 24/07/2004 |
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ano... i hardly have any friends... hence the similar colours i guess... |
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| 11:16pm 21/07/2004 |
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Which Naruto Character are You?
quiz by orangeday.net
im not that anal retentive. ahem-cathy-ahem
love the fanart.
am physically exhausted for no known reason latly.
don't have the energy to even go on msn for fear of being a bitch because im a bitch when im tired.
waste all that energy not killing people at work. |
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| zoe's great quiz |
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| 10:29am 14/07/2004 |
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yay for inbred muts!!!!
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must_be_bored's journal
