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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Jenny" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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08:28 pm
[Link] | I Never
I'm only a woman
of flesh and bone
an i wept much
we all do
i thought i might die alone
but i have
never never never
never never never
never never never
never never met you
so baby be good to me
i got nothing to give you
you see
except
everything everything
everything everything
all the good and the bad
'cause i've been bad
i've lied, cheated, stolen and
been ungrateful for what i had
and i'm afraid habits rule my waking life
i'm scared and i'm runnin' in my sleep
for you
but all the oceans, and rivers and showers
will wash it all away and make me clean for you
'cause i have
never never never
never never never
never never never
never never met you
so lets take a loan out
put it down on a house
in a place we've never lived
in a place that exists
in the pages of scripts
and the songs that they sing
and all of the beautiful things
that make you weep but
don't have to make you weak
'cause i've
never never never never
never never never never
never never never never
never never never never
never never never never
never never never never
never never never never
loved someone the way
that i loved you
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11:36 pm
[Link] | How many months has it been since i last updated? well, i can't count so i have no clue. just thought i would keep this shit to crackin' you know?
today i picked up the odyssey just to see where it would take me. that wasn't me as much as my shadow.
happy schooling!
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11:26 am
[Link] |
On a Sunday Morning
Sundays are spent laying in bed as long as possible and listening to music. I've made it to 2 or 3 pm before just shuffling CDs and staring out the window. At my old apartment with Anita, there wasn't much to look out at. So I never looked at anything. Our east campus mansion has some trees outside. Perfection.
My room butts up against the neighbor's house and the tree shade so much that every morning I wake up it looks as though it is raining. But it's not.
I just love sundays for some reason. This sunday leads itself to more laziness as Labor Day tomorrow makes today a saturday..... yes.
Let me tell you something about Henry James. We're reading The Ambassadors for 20th century lit. The first chapter grabbed me. Strether is an American on a 'job' to track down his lover's son in Paris. The son is mixed up with a seemingly 'evil woman.' (aren't we all evil women?) Strether meets a loud, take-charge woman while in London waiting for a train. They have an instant connection. So now the pages unfold a rambling man and a new love interest. It is the most interesting thing I've read in quite a while. And, he is in europe trying to figure it all out. I think I love him. Emily points out women, in real life, that could be Maria Gostrey. I don't know if it's weird but i pointed out a large black man as strether. i dunno.....
I have a story about a boy in a band who just left for a month tour. But i don't quite know how to articulate it without sounding..... well the truth is not all that great. But, he returns to columbia on the 30th. So I guess there is a month to see what's poppin, b.
Current Music: Iron and Wine--The creek drank the cradle
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03:30 pm
[Link] |
Delmar, my love
I arrived at work at 12:30. Right on time. Where was I racing from? None other than fair St. Charles, MO. After reading another friend's blog about impromptu, short road trips, this STL adventure was a good one.
other good ones:
Boulder to see DMB (i know, i know.....)
Chicago
#1 on my 19th birthday
#2 to see bright eyes and tilly and the wall
#3 to see wilco
winter park with todd
the lake of the ozarks with karm
Emily and i wanted to go out. Labor day style. So we drove to St. Chuck, had dinner with her family and proceeded to go downtown STL to Delmar street. My new favorite stretch of road in Missouri. (sorry 9th street) We started at the top. Martinis and Cosmos at Pin-Up Bowl, a hot, trendy bowling alley where the bartenders look like they stepped out of the Apples in Stereo. Hot. We said things like "ooooooh courtney taylor taylor"
We then wandered down to the Delmar Bar. More blues-club, less hipster pretentious. Fat tires all around.
then to St Chuck. To Rumples. Can't get more hillbilly than that. Probably the best progression of bars i've ever done. Probably the best explaination of my life. anyway.
The aforementioned blog struck a major chord in me. Kyle, my dear friend, went to see my best friend, Joy, in montana. totally not in that "my best friend's girl' sort of way. Just because of a fabulous Montana-Missouri connection, which just happens to be me. It made me miss both of them soooo much. Joy has always been my backbone (even when it was crooked and broken....) and Kyle. How do i describe him? He wrote that we have a volitile relationship. I don't quite get that. At one point, when we were 16, yes. We were volitile. But now? It is probably the closest thing to a perfect friendship that i have (despite the miles and miles between us) But he and i have an ever-evolving friendship. Sometimes i wonder....
But the world Volitile made me worry. Kit said something the other day about me coming off the wrong way sometimes. Clearly, more than just 'sometimes' according to, well, me. I feel bad that i come off the way to do right now. but i'm still figuring shit out. so. everyone who is worried about where their jenny has gone.... fear not. the nose ring is gone, and the rest will fall into place.
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11:00 am
[Link] |
call me on your way back home
ryan adams is the perfect ex-boyfriend.
you remember the times that were really bad (rock n roll, love is hell pts 1 & 2) but then you run into him and all you can think about are those really good times. the sunday morning breakfasts, the nights with a bottle of red and a good foreign flick. the nervous chatter. the chain smoking. the way his voice undulates in and out until almost inaudible when he says i loves you. the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place.
that is, at least, how it is for me when i listen to "heartbreaker."
instantaneously it takes me back to the first time. the album starts with an argument between adams and david rawlings over which morrisey album a song appears on. it is followed by the high energy, low tolerence tune, "To be young (is to be sad, is to be high)." the first time is always the energetic, passionate "i hope i don't end up hating you" moment in a relationship. fairly unguarded, you let a lot of emotions take over.
but in the end, isn't it always the same? someone ends up hating someone. its not dissimilar to 'heartbreaker.' it is so good. it is the best ever. and yet, you hate it for drawing you in and you not being able to vanquish its grip. it keeps you coming back for more. every wailing, sobbing moment of it. you are left with the pre-coffee smog.
and yet, you always go back for more.
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11:44 am
[Link] |
Coffee and Pie
"this just don't taste right. not like last week. not like the other ninety-nine times" -gentleman next to me here at the artisan
isn't that true? how sometimes, you can do something for the 10th, hundredth, thousandth time and suddenly out of the blue it's different? walking and driving around como this week it seemed like nothing changed. and then *poof* there is a new building on campus, a walkway over college, people i love are missing, and they don't have my carrot muffin at the artisan anymore. (an equally as delicious subsitute has been made.) as of late my transient lifestyle has led to confusion. who are you? i know you how? but late last night everything fell into place.
at a going-away party for amol and nicole i was in a sea of faces--some i know very well, some i am just getting to know. i was totally at ease. i was upset at one point for mistakes i made too long ago. it catches up with you. one day you're sitting in english 205 with a new friend, the next you aren't speaking.
'please don't confront me with my failures
i have not forgotton them'
and i can't rectify the situation. i could move forward. or i could ignore it. blahblahblah. jeni g, i'm sure you'll want to hear this.
three amazing, talented, hilarious girls found themselves on the porch at 2am telling stories. being honest. smoking cigarettes. i wish i could have bottled that up and saved it for when i need a reminder.
classes on monday. very excited. have to stop being a bitch. must stop. full stop.
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02:16 pm
[Link] | oh, and i got a wilco ticket. THANK YOU KYLE!!!
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02:11 pm
[Link] |
A Whole New World
What could be better than a roommate who sings her answers to you? nada.
i awoke in my old bed in a new place this morning and it felt great. pumped up the neil young (pumped? more like swayed in time with the music?) jumped in the shower and was fresh in clean in my new house.
which, in the immortal words of pj, is fucking awesome.
played circle de muerte. (i can't spell in spanish.... CIRCLE OF DEATH)
stayed up late talking.
had lunch with ms joanna at el rancho. i'll pay for that later.
all my classes are perfect. no more eckles hall! its all middlebush, A&S and GCB. someday i will take real classes in real buildings.
couldn't be happier.
(except for missing jeni g. and my brother. and the mountains. but all of those will be there, still, when i wake up tomorrow.)
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01:00 pm
[Link] |
CRY FOR HELP
stupid time difference. stupid wilco. stupid no more tickets. seriously. i'll pay whatever if you want to give your ticket up. shit.
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05:29 pm
[Link] |
"i'll be leaving soon, but tonite i'm here"
In a western town
beneath the northern lights
where the pine trees pine
for the fall of nite
do you believe in cards
and you believe in signs
and i'll be leavin soon
but i'm here tonite
on a mountain side
well below the stars
you keep your lovers eyes
in a mason jar
well i should be scared
but i feel no fear
because i'll be leaving soon
but tonite i'm here
and even if you were the one
and even if the cards are all true
when the curtain calls, oh baby
what's a boy to do?
~Old 97s
Two more days of work. seriously, what am i going to do without my weekends spent at BRO?
Typical day of work:
-swing through the starbucks drive through for hot chai
-load up water bottle. (nalgene... get ridiculed at least once by jarett for my huge nalgene in a seemingly non-arid town)
-listen to tom start up the metallica cd--which he claims boosts sales. i claim people buy so they can get the hell out of the store.
-greet customers with a resounding, "how are ya'll doin?"
-dust some stuff
-change cds--insert sun kill moon, pat green, johnny cash, willie
-lunch/dinner break: eat giant burrito from azteca taqueria. so much better than chipolte. no contest. chipolte doesn't offer a breakfast burrito. shame on them.
-cruise out the back door to snag free soda from tap house
-sell some stuff
-read paper
-sell some more stuff
-watch weather channel
how will i survive without it?
today i noticed blood stains on the carpet. as story goes, steve dropped on of the william henry knives on his foot and didn't notice the blood until it filled his 'jesus shoe' (birkenstock). customer bought 3 knives as a result. scare tactic: i may lose my foot, but you don't have to buy.
***
Calais and Em are now at the house in como. mold, broken stuff, dirt. and yet, i cannot wait to move in. its going to be a busy-bee week. (sorry, listening to wilco). drs appointments, hair appointment, move, find new pilates studio. and oh yeah, something about buying books.
sitting at the artisan catching up with friends i haven't seen in 8 months is going to be a trip. i wonder if my med student buddies are still frequenting it. i wonder if the mojos crew has all moved away. home in 5 days.
Current Music: Old 97s -- Too Far to Care
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12:02 am
[Link] | Where are Emily and Kit?
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07:41 pm
[Link] |
Walking down main street.....
In the course of the past few summers, this, the summer of '04 has been the best. I do not remember last summer. I may have worked some. Where? I don't remember. The only things from summer '03 that stand out in my memory are 1) st. louis always raining. 2) sharon d 3) the apartment. i took the folklore class on reggae which posed as an excuse to go up to STL on a whim -- once a week for 4 weeks. crashing on flavin's couch with wet clothes tumbling in the dryer. sharon d was a source of patience and wisdom. the apartment was the place i let all the rest of it marinate. but generally speaking, i do not remember a bit of it. oh wait. i remember going to chicago and seeing tilly and the wall and bright eyes. hmmm. maybe the memory isn't shot to hell.
this summer is different. as i come to the close of my 8 month hiatus from columbia, mo i've come to realize that things always, without fail, get screwey. but it is no reason to freak out. except when it is a reason to freak out.....
LIKE TODAY.
i've worked every day this week. which is awesome. but today at noon--the busiest time of the day--i found myself alone behind the counter, defenseless against agitated tourists. no, there is no water to tube on. yes, $89 is the price, sorry the 8 looks like a 0. no, even with this rain there will still not be water to tube on. that fly may catch a big fish, but i have no idea. minutes before i found myself alone, i crashed the front window. thinking i had broken every item (and subsequently my head) i choked back tears and made the sale. the reason i crashed the front window? i looked out only to see mr. michigan and his 'ex-girlfriend.' losing my footing, i fell, candlesticks fell, everything crashed. followed directly by an hour of chaos.
thankfully, i am amazing. i got everything done and no one hit me. the boys felt super bad when they got back and i appeared to have been punched in the face by the last hour. they let me freak out for a minute before letting me know gently that 'hank' was getting to, pardon the expression, 'have it and eat it too.'
my head was run over by a bulldozer. perhaps the same one the crazy man drove through granby, co. regardless. i need a beer and a nap. emily and kit are driving in and will probably be here at midnite. i need to have decompressed by then.
thats all she wrote.
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11:37 am
[Link] | Ever wonder what I was doing for all those months in England???
mostly taking day drips to bath and stonehenge.....
neal successfully made it to 'okie.' i wish it was kentucky, just because i kept saying kentucky for many months and it would be a lot less confusing for me. but its oklahoma. ok city, in fact. there's room enough for me, he said. drive-time would be about the same as driving to chicago. oh, except that when you get there, there is no chicago. only oklahoma. he mentioned that the magnetic fields did the soundtrack to pieces of april. so, i went and rented pieces of april. pretty decent little film our joey potter starred in. the music was good. it made me miss home. it made me wish neal had taken another year in columbia. what the hell is the p-fact going to do without him?
tucker called to say, "not to put you on the backburner, but i think i'm in love." haha! he met this girl twice and already she takes my place? she's dead :)
emily's wedding is tonite up on the mountain. i, however, will be covering the store. i hope my friggin cds are in at all that jazz. that will make a saturday nite working a little easier. yesterday sucked. something is off in town and everyone was responding to it. after getting screamed at because of rain (RAIN! over which i hold no control.... yet) i didn't feel like doing a damn thing.
today already feels better.
Current Music: magnetic fields-i
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12:43 pm
[Link] |
1618 University... one stop shoppin'
if you were looking for the three coolest girls on east campus next year look no further than 1618 University. it's gonna be a hottt year. talked with calais on the phone last night. she and em are right up my alley. vinyl, sex and the city, trips to atlanta. our house is going to be the chill house. the boys house is going to be the party house--oh, i have no doubt. those girls have gotten everything done for our little palace. i've done nothing! maybe i should go back to como once in a while....
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!
your attendance is requested September 13th and 14th at the Blue Note. WHY???? Ryan Adams and Wilco BACK TO BACK. that week is going to be THE best. start off monday with some ryan adams. end the week in Durango at Todd and Sarah's wedding. damn! do not feel too bad for going to london and missing both shows.... because they both cancelled only to reappear while i'm state-side.
i'm feelin lucky.
i'm kinda sick... so when i woke up with a bloody nose i was freaked. but i had a voicemail from collin that said "i have a flower for you. if you wake up you can have it." i doubt there was really a flower.... but still cute.
shower and dragging myself to work....
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10:03 am
[Link] | someone needs to teach me how to put a picture on this livejournal....
because a home in the enclave burned to the ground last nite right in front of our eyes.... took some crazy pictures. haven't walked over to see the wreckage this morning but i feel it is going to be grand.
more info on the fire as i get it
(that sounded journalistic...)
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05:46 pm
[Link] |
i wanna be your man, won't ya let me try?
my cousin allyson is friggin awesome. she's 17 and way cooler than any of us were at that age. she meets her favorite bands, too. must run in the family.
so. i had a total girl moment. haven't had one for quite some time. and this wasn't nearly that bad. collin went with me to look at some golf clubs (no, i didn't buy them... damnit) and on the ride home he was like "oh by the way, my fucking bitch ex girlfriend is coming next week." my response to this was "oh." because in true girl form, i have no claims on him but no one wants to hear that the person their dating's 5 year girlfriend is stopping in. i called pj who is on the east coast and freaked out for a minute. but then felt better. how embarassing to freak out in wal-mart! it just sucks because i'm leaving in 3 weeks (SHIT!!!) and really like walking up the mountain to sleep. so. that won't be happening for a while. or i reckon i'd get my ass kicked. girls are awesome.
3 weeks. i got a little teary eyed in the car when i drove up to fish creek falls this afternoon. eliott smith was crying a little--so was i. i have no expectations from columbia this fall. but i'm leaving with a huge chip on my shoulder from having a fucking great summer.
emily, matt, matt (my KU buddy) and i went on friday to see Hells Belles --the AC/DC cover band. Levelz was ridiculous. drank way too much. played some pool with collin and drank some more. but girls were playing AC/DC! we all stumbled to our resptective beds--- but not without singing all the way down the yellow line with emily. village drive has a new feel when i walk down it, now. probably won't ever be as cool as that nite.
gotta shower. margs with todd and then probably heading up the mountain. i'm silly for making a big deal out of this. but damnit, thats my job.
Current Music: rosarita #4 -the weary boys- good times
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06:53 pm
[Link] |
oh, celeste
having such a great day.
last nite i couldn't fall asleep because i was so damn hot. even with the windows open and the cool breeze blowing (its like 50 here at nite) i couldn't shake the hottness. i'm glad i was awake because i got to catch up with some of my favorite people. josh called. he'd just gotten back from dallas. saw tmbg.
annie and i decided that colin's name should probably actually be 'Brett.'
gotta nurse my sunburn and take a shower.
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05:48 pm
[Link] |
do you wanna mess around?
sometimes happiness comes out of nowhere. in the form of a concert. a cowboy hat. a drink with new friends.
i had an email from what i consider an 'old friend' since we haven't really been friends for a while... but he said 'i'm so happy i'm beside myself.' this from the kid who wrote poetry and philosophized about the girl he couldn't ever have. well. one day he got her. and that is so great for him, but jeni and i decided he's not going to be the same fin i left in january. but still, so happy for him. i'm sure we'll still be able to chat over a bottle of red wine. i, undoubtedly, will still be able to drop it all over myself.
jeni is moving to boston. pj is gonna be a senior. joy is crazy.
i met rhett miller.... oh wait....
I MET RHETT MILLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
let me tell you. i thought i had my idea of what sexy was all figured out. and he fucking blew it out of the water. todd, my bro, called him 'squirley' i call it sexy. he can sing time bomb to me any time.
in other new. i'm starting to date someone. very cas summer thing. he's a snowboarder. this annoys me. but he's a really good guy. so it goes!
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05:00 pm
[Link] |
mark twain never had it so good
i tom sawyer-ed around all day today. got up with a pretty burley hangover and floated the mighty yampa for hours. had some double z bbq with new friends and then swam the c-hole with the new boy.
sang some disney's pochohontas (SP?) down the river.
and the evening isn't over yet.....
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12:43 pm
[Link] |
maybe all you mean is 'leave me alone'
i am getting incredibly excited to move into 1618 university. i'm excited for classes. i'm excited to see what happens next.
i saw michael moore's new film last night with emily. we both left pretty speechless. Read here for my buddies tasteful yet hateful view of the situation. 2001 seems like a decade ago. it seems like i should be wearing neon in 2001 and listening to devo. (i'll have you know, i never listen to devo.) and the film starts with intense images of 9/11. i remember hearing Bee (my boulder roommate) turn off her alarm after hearing something about planes in new york. so... i rolled over and turned on the tv.... and saw the second plane crash. 7am in boulder. i dragged myself to my journalism class and had the sexiest teacher i have ever since encountered explain what was happened. for the rest of the week classes were cancelled--or were just watching CNN. crazy.
and here it is. 3 years later. time time time.
i'm meeting 'new and interesting people.' went dancing at levelz. margerita's at dos amigos. going tubing on thursday. i may stick it out for 4 weeks and not bail out in 2. we'll just see. we'll just see.
day off today. i'm going to go get my absentee ballot done for the august 3rd election. i have to find a notary. perhaps at the bank? shouldn't the bank house these people?
might go buy the new cure. i've given it some thought. it needs to be purchased. and then i have to catch up on some correspondance. read: send letters back to those who have written.
Current Music: wilco-a ghost is born- at least that's what you said
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