A · bewitching · bewilderment

Anywys, so Mark didn't want to see a movie, so Nick and Nora's will have to wait for another day; but we did find something infinitely more entertaining to do. As we were driving towards Oakridge, something brilliant occured to me. GOLFLAND!!! So being the adults we are, we went and played an hours worth of mini golf. I even got a couple holes in one! though...the first hole did take me 7+ tries as I ended up getting frustrated with the ball and the damn hill and whacking away at it til I nearly had a stroke. *That's what I'll call it! A stroke! Cause every time you miss you feel like you're gonna fucking DIE!*(sorry...Robin Williams ref)

Best time EVER. I guess mini golf is kind of a cutesy "in the movies" kinda date, but it actually worked. Lots of laughter, groping, kissing, cursing. It was great. I had a blast, and actually got to see my man. Whom I was missing.

Unfortunately, I was a bitch and I blew off Kelsey. Sorry Kelsey. I'll make it up to you. Mark was in san jose, right when I got off work, and I was going to see if kels wanted to go, because I had planned to spend the night with her, but she didnt have any money, so I ended up on a real date with mark all by ourselves. It was nice, but I feel like a douche on the other hand.

So again, I'm still alive. woot.

right....so yeah I'm still alive. Just with lots of ear wax.

And there it is,
born by my lips, into yours,
and back to me.
Simple. Light.
It wasn't the world crashing down,
or too full of meaning,
it was just my further adoration
for the man that makes me happy.

My mom just started going through menopause and she's kinda going nuts. So I went up on thursday afternoon to see her, in angel's camp. Its a 137 mile drive, google told me that it would take me 3 hours. HA! watch me beat that.Took 101 to 680 to 580 to 5 to 4. Lots and lots of miles.

I left at 1 and got there at 10 to 3. booya!! stupid Google. It was a beautiful drive too; all of a sudden the rolling beige hills turned into an expanse of orange. Pumpkins! I love this time of year. It's pretty much just my favorite time. I love the stories of samhain, I love dressing up, the smell in the air, carving pumpkins, the leaves changing, and just....everything. So I finally got some time to relax, got away from my grandparents, and spent 3 days with my mom. I made the top to a quilted table runner...if any one knows what that is. http://www.lazygirldesigns.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/tahiti.jpg that is 4 of them put together, essentially you can make a quilt out of it, or just make a table runner...which runs along the table. Hence the name. Lulz. http://www.shiboridragon.com/Patterns/GE%20Braid-Runner.jpg

Then I drove to ...erm....Fremont. yeah...I think. That was all kinds of ...not fun. I got lost trying to find the BART station. Finally found it, picked up my man, and then drove to Santa Cruz. That took a bit. Hung out a bit awkwardly for a bit at a friend of a friend's birthday party, but then things got into swing and it was a really nice time. Met some really cool people, got to see my friend Travis, and Natasha and if I were a single woman and/or a lesbian I would be ALL OVER this girl Ashlin. But I'm happily un-single. hehehe ^_^

After driving MORE to Mark's mom's house, I finally passed out, got some good sleep and then drove from Santa Cruz to SF up 280. ZOMG so much driving. After dropping Mark off I went back to Los Altos, saw a friend, Kelsey, that I haven't seen in 3 months and got to hold her ADORABLE baby, Darian. He's the cutest little thing ever...ya know until you do something stupid like swinging him down then up, right after he's breastfed. yeah..that got all over my shirt. I should have thought of that. *face palm*

Makhail, Kelsey, Darian, Mark and I all went out and saw my best friend's girl, and it was HILARIOUS! oh jeez, I'd recommend that movie to EVERYONE. I was laughing all the way through, there was no dropped beat. "The funniest thing to come out of you is me" ...oh Dane Cook....you're a bad man. It was great though, Darian was quiet through the whole movie, right to the end. Just chilled with us, breastfed and was amazing. After the movie I drove up to SF AGAIN, and spent the night and next day with Mark. All in all terribly busy weekend/beginning of the week. I don't think I want to drive for a bit.

my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

The only colors before me
are the ever green trees.
Stretching out and up;
And the multicolored rooftops
pastel droplets, swatches of brightness
dimmed by the cover of clouds
like a down winter quilt
atop a cheery spring throw.

Even the birds here are dreary-
Their colors drained away.
Blacks, browns, whites and grays,
floating in the air
higher even than my viewing peak,
they wheel and call, drift and speak
while the trains whine by
below, and the cars chug along
in the nigh invisible streets.

So, if you want to be nice and help out education, come give us your arm, thrusday the 19th 8 am through 12 pm at western career college at 6201 san ignacio ave in san jose.

So, been spending time with my boyfriend Mark a lot lately. Pretty much every weekend for the past 5 or so weeks have been spent with him for most of it, and I've been getting to know his family and hanging out with them more. Friday night was....interesting. Hung out and played BASH! some tabletop game where I was a monstrous skeletal super hero that was trying to help society and save the world. That was fun *giggles* Then we drove into this fucking maze of a place where you can only live if you are or are related to a mason directly (spouse, sibling, dependent etc) and the boys got extremely SLOSHED. I was driving so I smartly stayed sober, and just had a coke to keep me awake because we didn't leave until 2 am.

We had some...interesting conversations. What kind of women are beautiful, difficult, ...'deep' >_<, and different funny anecdotes about girls or parties. I ended up just being one of the guys until mark got too drunk and was all *NOM NOM* Brittany's taste good! ...about that point I decided it was time to go, since we were the only couple amongst everyone and that just makes me uncomfortable. Poor Mike was 3 sheets to the wind, so when I turned really hard going up the hill he just kind of fell over in the back seat and ended up having me carry him in to the house.
...where he promptly puked. Praying to the porcelain god is good sometimes I guess. I made his bed for him, got things out of the way that could possibly trip him up, and put a glass of water on his nightstand. LOL I felt so bad for the boy. I never want to get that drunk.
* * * * *

I didn't get much sleep...for really funny reasons. I thought alcohol was supposed to IMPAIR guys abilities. But NO. Ended up not sleeping til like 5 am. It was kinda hilarious.

Morning was hell though. I seriously wanted to growl at Mark for waking me up. That bed is not conducive to getting up. EVER. Especially when you have had only 5 hours of sleep. But Mark had to pack stuff up, which meant I needed to get up too. Mike fortunately didn't die in his sleep or anything, and was vaguely functional actually up and dressed before we were. Though...when you think about it, he was dead asleep 2 hours or more before we were...haha. Their mommy made us breakfast, and I actually got 2 chapters of homework done, while everything got packed into cars to move to Daly City.

Took 1 up to SF; and let me tell you, I wish I wasn't driving. That's a beautiful fucking drive. I could sit and look at the coast for hours. The rocks and beaches and water is just so amazing all the way up. Very Scary drive though. It's 2 narrow lanes practically CUT between the hill to get to Daly City. Got a few boxes, the bed, and the computer moved in to his new place and then made some awesome risotto and watched lemony snicket's series of unfortunate events until I had to drive back at 830. Made it all the way home by 930 and didnt get one god damned ticket for going 90mph. I rock!

....so anyways. Worked all day today, and I work tomorrow after school. I might have a second job too! Pick up a pair of twins from school every day and watch them til their parents get home at 530 or so. Help them with homework, which I figure will give me a set time to do mine. SO I might actually be making a lot of bank. WOOT! but have no life...ever. hahah. So...yeah. I have a very busy life now!

EDIT

by the way, Daly City....AMAZING. At about 8 o'clock I happened to look out the window as the sun was setting behind this huge silhouetted hill like a pastel smudge and the whole city started lighting up, like twinkling stars on the wrong side of the horizon. It looked like someone had caught a million stars in a blanket and lain them out to view. The bridge is just visible from the back porch as you look out to your right towards the ocean, and as you step off the back porch theres suddenly a beach minus the ocean. Just one huge sandy hill with paths going everywhere.

So I go in, they have me lay down, pull down my pants and gel me up. The geniuses actually use warming gel now, like KY. After about 30 minutes of doing whatever it is they do, I learn that the woman doing my ultrasound is actually an intern, and now the real ultrasound technician is going to look at me.

So the intern goes over to the wall and picks up this big, about 3 foot long instrument and asks me "so you've had a pap smear right?" HOLY COW I nearly pissed myself. I guess my eyes really lit up because she was all oh! most of it is a handle! really! ...right...like I believed her. They proceeded to ...well yeah, you can figure it out. Really really uncomfortable. Apparently they need an inside view of your ovaries, not just a birds eye.

So now I feel like I've had really sad sex where neither of us orgasmed, but just bumped up against my cervix. *LE TEAR*

What do I do? I feel like screaming and crying and yelling all at once...screams that aren't normal, I feel feral angry things inside of me, and I just want to show her how fucking stupid she's being. But she won't listen. I feel like I have a ball of lead in my stomach.

I then do something either extremely stupid or extremely well done. I look up information pertaining to weight, high blood pressure and alcohol. Holy shit theres a lot of info. And how alcohol makes all those things go up. So, I print maybe 5 pages of easy to read info, on how to better your life, and how alcohol can lead to death because it affects EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ORGAN IN YOUR BODY. And how chronic drinking can lead to heart and kidney failure as well as mood swings, weight gain, high blood pressure, and memory loss. Like we need more of that, her father is dying of alzheimers for fucks sake.

About ten minutes later the screaming starts. Shes going nuts, "I do everything around here, and no one helps me, and I should just up and leave you all to sit on your asses and rot like lumps on a log. You're a fucking slob and you enjoy it. I bet you don't have a job right now because no one wants to clean up after you at your jobs, because your so much of a slob. I don't need this shit, I cook and clean and I own this house! how dare you tell me how to live my life, in my house. I can do whatever the fuck I want because I'm a responsible adult!"

yeah...thats about where I just stopped listening.

family is grand innit it?

Maybe walks in to the same room,
a leather jacket, t shirt and jeans
relaxed one minute
agitated the next,
pacing the room, chewing his cigar
his glass half full, half empty
half of something,
but he's not sure what.

No walks out of the room
after seeing these two,
covered in ash,
his torn jeans and stained shirt
unkempt like his face
ragged, and disgruntled
he's fed up with these two
and makes a run for the fresh air.

Unfortunately I just found out a friend of mine miscarried her first pregnancy; and I can't be there for her. I miss her, and wish it was easier to visit. Lots of things going on lately. I've been steadily taking my medication, trying to exercise, lose weight and all. Been trying out some morning star, trying not to eat red meat. So now my diet has essentially been reduced to chicken, berries, melon, veggies. No red meat, no carbs, no starches. It's amusing trying to keep up with it. I loves my sourdough bread though. so..I'm being vaguely good. Hahaha

I've been having a good time lately though, I'm lovin life.