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Welcome to my cave on mars - distraught
January 28th, 2004
03:45 am

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distraught
i feel utterly sick and disgusted with myself right now. I've been unable to deal with two or three things I needed to deal with, mostly of the responsible nature, and now I feel like shit.

i should just go to sleep. i should just say fuckit for today, I'm going to bed and I'll get my act together tomorrow.

I keep on drawing myself back into the internet, into its warm folds and snuggles of people caring and exchanging energy and voices and laughter. I wish to be a part of this flowing mass all the time because I feel such a lack of real connection in those near me. I more than anything wish for someone nearby to connect into on a daily level...

how many more years must i wait? i'm wasting my time sitting here, doing this, enjoying myself but yet not because the other half of my nature knows this is stupid. it IS stupid. i should've gone to bed when i said i was, two hours ago. i didn't even take that nap this evening which would've helped me do work now. i still haven't done half the work due for tomorrow, and i'm not sure HOW to do it. I'll have to do it tomorrow during the day and while i'm sure my tutor can help me, that's not how i wanted to do it.

at least i've kept up with my other reading. I just want MORE from everything. When I was home, i just wanted to be alone and away and actually get things done - and I did. Now that i'm here and I need to get things done, i just want to be with people. I just want to be doing what i can't be doing.

it would help so much if i just had a body here next to me. that way i could have some interaction waiting for me right there as i worked. I work better with people who love me nearby.
it will be lovely to see kris on thursday but i'm going to get all my work done before hand so that she won't have to deal with that crap.

Current Mood: lonesome

(Speak out from the masses)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:[info]jmspencer
Date:January 28th, 2004 12:55 am (UTC)
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::hugs:: I love you dearly, hun, you know that (I hope.) and if I could, I'd be there to at least give you the interaction you need to work. Damn me for not having a license. If I can do anything from all the way out here, though, let me know.. :-)

Here for you,
Me
[User Picture]
From:[info]minkrose
Date:January 28th, 2004 02:03 am (UTC)
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*hug* you're doing enough by giving me someone to talk to now. thank you, very very much.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 28th, 2004 01:01 am (UTC)
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You have to learn how to stop being needy and whinny child.
Grow up and take an realistic approach.
That is what grown ups do while children play with their imaginary world.
Forget about anime con and other nerdy HOBBIES.

I think it's time for you to go bed and for me to tell you
good bye. i mean....Good night.





[User Picture]
From:[info]minkrose
Date:January 28th, 2004 01:12 am (UTC)
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::blinks:: aside from the fact that nothing i've said here is needy, i'm definitely being realistic. i'm being incredibly blunt with myself and the fact that i'm not doing the things i need to get done. am i blaming anyone but myself? no, i'm taking full responsibility. what is childish about that?

secondly, what anime con? what are you talking about? i decided not to go to that weeks ago and never really was serious about going, or don't you pay attention? who are you that you've decided you know enough about me to talk to me in this manner? Finally, i dont think I ever posted about that allegedly con either, so you must either be stalking me from another livejournal (mandie or rY's) or talk to me on AIM and are now being an ass. If you don't reveal yourself, i'll have to go to further lengths to find out who you are. I hardly have any nerdy hobbies unless you're talking about my use of the internet in large quantities.

It's not goodbye, it's good night - but it's not good night for me, it's good night for you.
[User Picture]
From:[info]padraiceen
Date:January 28th, 2004 03:01 am (UTC)
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I find it hard to take advice from people who can't spell and who are so frightened of confrontation that they choose to shout epithets from the shadows of anonymity.

Of course, this commenter will be exposed to the same level of ridicule for his pathetic actions, but the comments will cut deeper because of that anonymity and the inability to respond in any meaningful way.
[User Picture]
From:[info]minkrose
Date:January 28th, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
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It's less that, because I often have friends who comment anonymously. however, i paranoidly went through my entries last night and this IP address matches none of the usual ones. it appears ONCE in ONE instance on a lj comment from a user who does not usually comment to me but whom I feel a comraderie and trust and have no reason to feel hostility from. Also, none of the other comments from this user have that IP address.
on the other hand, Spence informs me that it's an AOL address so it's quite possible that someone just ended up getting the same IP from AOL. mleh.

I also try to reply usefully to anonymous commenters because often they come back to view their handy work. not always, but sometimes. I do hate the lack of an option for conversation, though. I hate being accused and not being able to understand why. Especially when they bring up something not many people knew about.
[User Picture]
From:[info]mailbitch
Date:January 29th, 2004 01:14 am (UTC)

Re:

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i must admit, as completely off base as this jackass is (can i get that ip?) the first thought that came to mind WAS "whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny"..... mostly because its of the general bitching category, and for no other reason than that.
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From:[info]creatorofglare
Date:January 28th, 2004 06:31 am (UTC)
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Yaeh! Im a grone-up and I ont have anie HOBIES at ALL! I sped my time on meningful; importat, thigns, like sope opras and futball and DRINKING!!!
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 28th, 2004 01:03 am (UTC)
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Thank you, Mee-chan.

I love you too!

Good night.
[User Picture]
From:[info]minkrose
Date:January 28th, 2004 01:13 am (UTC)
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by the way, why'd you bother to post twice? this bullshit means nothing to me.

did you post on the wrong entry or something, idiot?
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From:[info]electricwalrus
Date:January 28th, 2004 06:28 am (UTC)
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I know the feeling. The amount of time I spend online sometimes horrifies me.
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From:[info]minkrose
Date:January 28th, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
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::sighs:: i wish i could do more about it but I dont seem to have the will power, lately.
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From:[info]hamsterhuey
Date:January 28th, 2004 10:21 am (UTC)
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*nuzzles your neck* poor mink
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From:[info]minkrose
Date:January 28th, 2004 07:08 pm (UTC)
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::hugs:: thanks.

poor you, too - you seem to be going a little nutty, yourself. though it appears it's a having things under control even if they aren't the best idea sort of situation. i hope that's all treating you okay.
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From:[info]hamsterhuey
Date:January 28th, 2004 07:52 pm (UTC)
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ehhhh... i am having fun.
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From:[info]mailbitch
Date:January 29th, 2004 01:17 am (UTC)
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as an afterthought, do you find it ironic that i'm the one you most regularly do NOT get any comfort from on things like this?
[User Picture]
From:[info]minkrose
Date:January 29th, 2004 01:52 am (UTC)
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only in that you're the only person who can be of any use? yes, i do. but i dont really expect sympathy for my reasons, just that i'm not okay.
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