I'm writing yet again in response to someone's post on the sex and write-what-you-know discussion, this time in reply to Trollprincess, and for the same reason -- it got long, and this might be of general interest. The question/comment that spurred it, with regard to describing a first time experience of coitus (that's fancy-speak for intercourse) ... "(Although if anybody wants to describe the sensations a little better ... yeah, virgin here.)"

Sure, I'm willing to take that on. I'm shameless. So, prepared with an eye to writing description for those who haven't 'been there' for reasons of gender, choice, or opportunity .... Possible NC-17 TMI will follow beneath the cut, but it's 'clinical' NC-17 TMI. (g) Don't expect some titilating description of my first experience. ;> (And anyone else who wants to jump in and add to what's here, feel free. Matrons Unite! LOL!)


The amount of discomfort or outright pain really depends not just on her state of mind (and arousal), but also on the physical size of the girl's vagina -- and that's not necessarily related to the width of her hips or her height. Tall or large women may still have a small passage. Human anatomy is funny like that. (Need I also explain that it would depend on the size of the guy's phallus, too?)

I think the main sensation experienced is a burning stretch. That's what I find inexperienced writers most commonly leaving out, and can separate the maidens from the matrons. (This assumes, of course, that there's an attempt to write realistic sex in the first place -- sometimes there isn't, even with matron writers. But that's a completely different discussion.)

Personally inexperienced writers may think to put in the breaking of the hymen, but they miss the stretching burn and assume everything's peachy after the hymen breaks. Nope. In fact, the burning sensation can completely overshadow the tearing of the hymen, which is sharp and brief. The burning is present through most if not all of the first encounter, AND may be (often is) present -- lessening gradually -- during subsequent encounters until the vaginal passage has been suitably stretched to accomodate an erect male penis. How long that takes depends on factors from the physical to the psychological.

Yes, the vagina is made to stretch wide enough to accomodate a child's head (albeit with tearing), but it has to BE stretched. Some virgin girls find even a tampon too wide to be comfortable. Girls can actually work at this in advance by using their (properly lubricated) fingers (or other approved and safe 'toys') to gradually widen the passage, so it'll hurt less. I'm not big on prudery, notice. ;> I see nothing wrong with the idea of prepping one's self. Why make it harder when it doesn't need to be? (No pun intended)

(And if that 'tearing' crack make you wince ...? Yup, sorry, it's true; when the baby's head comes out, it often involves some tearing of the vaginal opening. ANY story that has a mother who recently gave birth hopping into bed was written by an author who knows jack shit. It usually takes a couple weeks to heal, and even then, it's tender. No sex for a month or two at least, sorry, and lots of sitting on 'doughnuts' and pillows -- and stairs? Ow, ow, ow.)

There may be a sharp pain of greater or lesser intensity when the hymen membrain is actually broken, but that depends on whether it's fully intact or has been partly torn previously -- and how extensive it is. The form the membrain takes can range from practically covering the whole opening (rare) to covering just a little. Likewise, while most are pretty thin, some can be remarkably tough, and there ARE cases of girls having had intercourse, even repeated intercourse, with an intact hymen. Furthermore, the membrain can be partly or fully torn in a variety of other ways, ranging from tampon use to pelvic exams (pap smears), to riding a horse or doing gymnastics. Thus, how much it hurts when torn during intercourse can vary a lot. There will often be a little blood. (A couple thimbles-worth, like cutting a finger.)

Again, the main adjustment is to the width of the male member. For sex, what often gets in the way is the stress and anxiety involved in trying a new thing (and the knowledge/anticipation that it will hurt). So even if a woman is fully aroused, or even if the decision to "do it" is spur of the moment with no lengthy time for anxiety to develop, all it takes is a second or two for arousal to become complicated by anxiety. In short, the time needed for him to raise his hips and position himself (and find the damn opening). Then if there's pain (and there almost always is), the woman might CLENCH in response -- which just makes it hurt worse.

This CAN, in some cases, create a really nasty cycle. Sex hurts, she clenches in anticipation, so -- wow! -- it hurts more. Knowing this is going on does not necessarily mean the woman can magically stop it from happening. It's partly instinct and takes retraining, which also takes patience (and love and trust) on the part of both parties. Most women don't necessarily spin into that cycle, but more DO, at least temporarily, than is commonly realized. Because of the way intercourse works, the RIGHT parts of the woman are not getting as stimulated by penetration as they were beforehand, unless the guy really knows what he's doing. So all of a sudden his stimulation goes way UP, while hers drops off and includes some pretty *ouchy* things. As a result, her arousal may well disappear completely and she's just waiting for him to get DONE already. ;>

This is not related to frigidity. A woman may have trouble in intercourse while enjoying other forms of sexual expression immensely. 'Sex' does not equal 'intercourse,' after all. One way to help prevent this cycle is to pause for a bit after penetration. This does two good things. First, it allows the woman a moment or so to relax and unclench, and it allows the man the same thing, keeping him from coming instantly -- especially if he's also a virgin or hasn't had sex in a while. The sensation of penetration is pretty damn intense, so unfortunately, many inexperienced boys only take a thrust or two and that's all she wrote, and the poor girl never gets any chance to adjust. Incidently, the use of a condom helps slow this down, and some condoms are designed for that. Safe sex has it's merits. ;> And (good) sex takes practice.

Other sensations include the legs being pushed open at an odd (for many) angle, so there's a 'looseness' or soreness to the joints afterwards (especially if he's on top or the sex goes on for very long). Furthermore, even after the penis leaves the vaginal opening, she'll be sore. Taking a long, romantic walk immediately after ain't advised. ;>

I'd like to add that there often IS a whole psychological element running alongside the physical. Thus, first intercourse may still be a satisfying experience for a woman even if she doesn't come. Although, guys, that's NOT an excuse for not trying to be sure she enjoys herself. A hint for the inexperienced woman and her man -- let her have her orgasm before attempting intercourse. Otherwise, she very well might not have one at all. (There are exceptions to everything, of course.)

A final point to make ... there's often a bit of fumbling involved to get the penis positioned properly for penetration. This is true even for couples who've had lots of practice. It really doesn't just 'slide into place.' Involves a little poking, and sometimes you miss! LOL! And sometimes the thing falls out, too, after a couple thrusts, depending on position and 'vigor.' This can be horribly embarrasing for the guy and gal ... or they can laugh about it (I recommend the latter (g)).

And don't forget the bodily fluids. Even if your guy is wearing a condom, an aroused woman can secrete a lot of lubrication, especially a younger woman and/or one who's been in a state of arousal for a while. And it smells. I don't think men's semen smells nearly as much as women's lubrication, which is, well, kinda like fish, if a bit muskier. But the point is that, after sex, people really DO need to clean up. If you're blind drunk, you might not care, or if you're too exhausted and there's a trashcan (or sock) handy, the guy can pull off the condom or wipe off, roll over and go to sleep. But the lady will probably need a little (or a lot) of toilet paper. ;> (Especially if blood is involved from a broken hymen. It's not a lot of blood, but blood stains.)

You know, when you think about it, sex is a pretty funny activity. If it didn't feel so damn good, who'd have come up with something like that anyway?

(Which only convinces me that the Creator has a real sense of humor.)

ETA: I don't very often deliberately plug a story so much as announce it's available, but I'm gonna this time: "101 (and not Dalmatians)," for a humorous look at sex, real life, and overdramatization. It's written from a male POV, not a female ... but that itself was an exercise in 'write what you know' not necessarily what you've experienced. ;>