LiveDrama. · Who · could · ask · for · more?

I know that I posted about my new midi-controller a while back (here), but now I'm a bit disappointed. The keys feel too much like a full concert grand piano, which is pretty heavy to the touch. I don't think one should have to play by imitating bear claws as the only way to be sure to hit all the keys you want to. I like the keyboard as a whole, yet it's never had my full affection. Besides, at the time I got it, it was the only usb to midi, hammer-action, weighted, 88-key, multi-fader, multi-knob, midi-controller out there that actually felt like a piano, not to mention cost less than $1000. Granted the keys I've now found cost $1k, but they also feel like the piano I learned and grew up on. Here's the new addition to the list of things to get for the studio, the Fatar VMK-188 Plus...

...Not as many knobs to turn, but the feel of the keys makes this one that I would want to take to gigs. However, I think I'll wait until after Colorado, and then again after the Macbook Pro, before making such a purchase.

Oh yeah, and I changed my LJ up a bit. I actually like the default settings for once.

I really do need to get some samples of my music online again. Perhaps on my blog soon. It's just been so busy (a good thing)...

I updated my profile, though I'm not sure why. Perhaps I was annoyed by how outdated it was.

Life has been busy lately. We were planning on moving to Boulder, Colorado next month. Nadine decided otherwise, and wants to wait until after the baby is born. My parents are waiting too. November is waiting for us too. And what a busy month it will be.

Yes, I said it. I hope a certain couple isn't getting the news here instead of in person, but Nadine is pregnant. 15 weeks! We find out next week if it's a boy or girl! It was unexpected, and in the midst of birth-control, but a joy none-the-less. We had talked about having another, especially with Jonathan being almost 9 already. So, we're excited. I'm not so keen, however, about being in Houston for another summer and hurricane season -especially with no car a/c going on 3 years now.

I'm in the process of reforming the recording studio into something more of a label/studio/producers/something else. So this week is busy with building a new website. We're also currently producing the demo for a local hardcore band, The Burning, which looks as if it will open doors for more business with a few record labels. This weekend, we will be interviewing a trip-hop/dance-hall-raggae artist to start negotiating a record deal. One of our main Liasons has had his eye on this one for a while.

We're making plans to get The Music Company's business to pick up quite a bit over the summer. Nadine and I are hoping to have a good financial buffer for having a baby, getting a new car, moving to the mountains, starting a Music Company chapter up there, and what seems to be much like starting a new life. I'm going to miss my friends in Houston. I hope that The Music Company allots for me traveling back for business now and then.

On another note... I wonder if I'm going to sleep tonight/today. My schedule has been so odd. Anyone up for coffee today?

Captain's Log, Stardate $*&%!(*$^

So, Jonathan's 8 now. I'm in the process of a formal conversion to Judaism to clear up any confusion. Nadine has started down that same road. And Jonathan told us last night that he wants to convert to Judaism too. And while I am extremely excited about all of that, I have been completely at a loss as to what to write on my blog for almost a month. And that has left me frustrated.

I've been reading Boteach's Judaism for Everyone, and it has helped me articulate and define my Jewishness in ways I've never been able to. It's an incredibly inspiring book for anyone who wishes to enhance their spiritual life as well as their activist life. I've also been engrossed in deep study for the last few weeks. Letting go of Christianity has been freeing in more ways than I knew I could be free in. My studies have jumped by leaps and bounds, and bias seemed to jump out the window. It has made for a much more fluid and consistent way of looking at things. While I have believed certain things for quite some time (e.g. the non-Diety of Yeshua, and many other things concerning my religious beliefs and social activist leanings), I now know how to articulate the reasons behind them much more confidently than before.

Concerning the Diety of Yeshua, or the absence thereof, http://www.torahofmessiah.com has been one of the better resources I found on the subject, more specifically Uri Marcus' lessons, Adonai Echad. The website as a whole can be a bit presumptious and cocky at times, but the info therein is quite useful. And as always, I don't agree with everything endorsed by the site, however, I do think it is a great resource.

So why is it that every other religion I've studied has focused on exiting material possessions, and leaving this world for something better, while Judaism focuses on God having given us this world to enjoy, and the mandate to realize our full potential while healing the world around us? Most others seem focused on the afterlife or some other place besides here, while Judaism focuses on the here and now, and how to repair our world. Meditation in the former, action in the latter. Dare I say Faith within many religions, and losing faith for the search for evidence within Judaism.

Beyond such Judaisms, it looks as though I will likely be singing/screaming for a new band soon. It will most likely be a couple of month while they reorganize the band, but I'm excited none-the-less. They're dark and heavy, which I've always enjoyed performing in the most. I sang a concert for the band I've been producing, U & i, a few weeks back, and it seems that my stage presence was too dark for such "poppy" guys. I take that as a compliment. That means that I never lost what I worked so hard to have in my old band, I Am, which broke up 6 years ago after lasting for the same amount of time.

Well there are some random thoughts for you. Now if only I could come up with something I feel comfortable posting to my blog.

Have a Ramahanukkwanzmas!
...especially Jason, Rebekkah, Brian, Christy, Tobin, Dani, & Mars-Hall. For the rest of you as well. It's just that I feel a bit more guilt concerning not having done anything for those I know in person. Perhaps next year will allot us some more money, as opposed to using FoodStamps to make treats for a few people. Plus, we will more than likely living in snow next December.

Most of my friends have identified me as a Jew for around a decade now. While I always accepted that I have a Jewish heritage and ancestry, I tended to play it down since I didn't fully understand it. I've studied Jewish ethics for over 10 years as well as re-evaluated the meaning of the New Testament from a Hebraic, not Christian, mindset. I learned a lot, but I still brushed off, with a laugh and a blush, my friends calling me Jewish.

A few years ago, I gave up the label of "Christian" because of the churchianity ascribed to it that I no longer fit at all. For some reason, I still held onto the comfort of identifying with Christians, though usually those that were free-thinkers for the most part, and in high-critique of much of what goes on within the Church-system. I understood their disagreements witb the church system, and their drive to want to represent the heart of God as presented by Jesus. But I still did not "fit" with their theology. So I continued to search and learn.

Two years ago, I found through my studies that Messiah did not need to be Deity, nor did a Hebraic reading of the New Testament find evidence for such. An agent or emmissary of the God of Israel, but not God. The more I learned of the history of Christianity's traditional theology, and the known history of certain changes to the NT text, the more I felt a rift between myself and Christianity. But I continued to hold on to identifying with Christianity, through some sort of sideline I suppose.

This last week, with the encouragement of quite a few of my friends, I finally accepted that I'm Jewish. Looking into my geneaology, I've been surprised to find that is more true in lineage than I thought before. One of the main factors that helped me come to terms with this is that I was finally able to see that believing Yeshua not to be Deity is a very non-Christian thing to do. Despite that I had tried to reconcile the two for several years, even after learning where Trinitarian theology came from, as well as the development of Christos (Man-God Messiah) theology. The beauty of it is that I also was able to approach Yeshua without Christian bias, and truly find a Messiah from a very Jewish study of him.

I'm not just a Noachide, I'm a Jew. My understanding of Yeshua has been found not Christian in the least, but fits well within the understanding of Judaism - something I'm can now understand is very difficult for a Jew raised in anti-Christian studies to see, having gratefully been able to approach the NT without bias. Now I'm seeking to learn to articulate what led me to who I am now.

To my surprise, many of those who understood my Jewish stance, some of which even called me Jewish, have had a hard time now that I have accepted that I am. What strange creatures we can be. I hope that time will be quick with showing them that I am still the same person I was last week. I did not adopt Judaism, I merely admitted to being something that I was already living as. Perhaps the Kippah(Yarmulke) is a bit strong for them. But haven't I been wearing Tzit Tzit, using a prayer shawl, and celebrating Jewish Holy Days for quite some time now?

It seems that I mostly write on my other blog now. Things have been so busy that I rarely have time to think about normal life. Or rather, things have been so abnormal that all my thinking has been consumed by the recording studio and my ever increasingly Jewish spiritual life.

After 11 years of Jewish studies, I finally got the nerve to start looking more into my genealogy. My father was born a Peden (Jewish), and his mother a Solomon (Jewish). Though my mom's side is completely French with one full-blooded Cherokee, and my dad's has some random French-Canadian (Creole/Cajun) and Cherokee thrown in as well.

And though my Jewish heritage is what led me into studying the historic roots of my Christian upbringing, I didn't care much about genealogy until I recently made a good Jewish friend. I've had many of my friends call me Jewish for years, but to have an Orthodox Jew see me that way threw me for a loop. So, I finally decided to look into Judaism further. What I found is a philosophy that I had already been in for some time. It was like coming home to a family I never knew I had. I just fit. And while I don't expect everyone reading this to understand the accumulation of my last 11 years of study, I do wish to share my excitement :)

I've loved the teachings of Chasidic Judaism for a couple of years, and have really appreciated the Tikkun focus of Chabbad, and authors like Abraham Heschel and Rabbi Lawrence Kushner. And though I was headed down this road spiritually already, having found others who believe like I do is very encouraging. I used to think that there were no others. That was a very lonely thought.

And for those who known me for a while, I want you to know that because of my past few years of trying to figure out who Jesus is/was and how he fits into all this, without Christian bias, I do believe that he is/was Messiah. I imagine that my understanding of what that means is quite different than the norm, however -some of which I have discussed before.

And for my sanity and journey, I thank Anglican Bishop and 1st Century Historian N.T. Wright's studies on Jesus, as well as Orthodox Jewish Rabbi Falk's book, Jesus the Pharisee, and the late Orthodox Jewish scholar David Flusser (from whom I and my teachers have learned many things).

Due to some of the major changes I've gone through this year, I thought I would have some fun and retake the Belief-O-Matic quiz that I took last year(I think)-or something just like it. It was definitely different:

1. Orthodox Judaism (100%)
2. Bahá'í Faith (98%)
3. Hinduism (97%)
4. Sikhism (96%)
5. Reform Judaism (96%)
6. Islam (90%)
7. Liberal Quakers (88%)
8. Jainism (86%)
9. Unitarian Universalism (82%)
10. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (78%)
11. Orthodox Quaker (70%)
12. Mahayana Buddhism (67%)
13. New Thought (62%)
14. Neo-Pagan (62%)
15. Jehovah's Witness (61%)
16. Scientology (61%)
17. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (57%)
18. Eastern Orthodox (56%)
19. Roman Catholic (56%)
20. Seventh Day Adventist (56%)
21. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (55%)
22. New Age (54%)
23. Theravada Buddhism (51%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (43%)
25. Secular Humanism (30%)
26. Taoism (29%)
27. Nontheist (16%)

A couple of posts ago, I offered to sell my keyboard and case (here). I'm going to either sell it to the music store this week, or to whomever wished to buy it that I know here. I've reduced the price to see if I can sell it in the next two days, before seeing it go to the music store.

$400 for the keys (Proteus MPS + Orchestral -as seen in the post mentioned above)
$130 for the case (SKB 4214 61-key keyboard flight case)

I may still be a bit flexible yet, you never know.

After shopping keys for awhile, I decided to get the keystation pro 88 for the studio. It feels a whole lot like the piano I grew up on (still in my living room), and it has the knobs and sliders I've been wanting for my growing number of virtual instruments...

Our studio also just bought EastWest/Quantum Leap's Symphonic Orchestra Silver. It is truly like having a full symphony orchestra at my fingertips. The thing is amazing. Cirque Du Soliel uses it!

Now we have just a couple more expansions to buy for the Stylus RMX, and the Trilogy Total Bass Module, and I will have the music creation tool of my dreams readily available. I'm really excited! It should all happen this month! I'm amazed by them all. I've played demo mp3s and demos for quite a few musicians (respective to their actual instrument), and they couldn't tell the difference. I suppose it's all about instrument theory (how you play each if you were holding the real thing) from there.

I also have a studio gig coming up which will afford us to upgrade the studio quite a bit more. I imagine that by the end of the year, the studio will be completely where we've wanted it to be.

Looks like I'm finally down to selling my last keyboard to make room for an 88-key, weighted, hammer-action, midi controller. I've had two identical keyboards since 1992, and they are apparently still popular. The shop owner I usually sell to said he sold my last one a few months ago for around $600. I posted my first one here before I sold it, and a couple of you showed intrest. I imagine the picture at the bottom of this post will look familiar.

If you, or someone you know, is interested in a E-MU Proteus MPS + Orchestral, 61-key keyboard in excellent condition, with original manual and power supply, let me know. I'm willing to part with it for $500 plus shipping. For $650 plus shipping, I'll send it to you in it's home, a great condition SKB 4214 flight case (for 61-key keyboards, retails for $400 new). I haven't decided yet if I want to move on the price, but I might if it sounds good enough.

I'll miss my keys, but I'm really looking forward to having something that feels like a piano. I"m looking at either the M-Audio Keystation Pro 88 USB, or the Studiologic SL-880. Both have their ups and downs.

I've also got a near mint MOTU Midi Express XT USB 8X8 interface for $200 (I paid $400). We will probably put it on ebay in a few days, if guitar center doesn't want it.

Since the creation of my blog elswhere, this journal has become a place where I share normal things about my life -though some would argue about the existance of such things.

Many of those I read on my friend's list are part of my blogroll. Some I read because it challenges me, some because it makes me think about things I wouldn't normally think about, some because it just gets interesting, and others because I know you, feel connected to you somehow, but I'm not able to keep up with you very easily in other ways. However, there are those on my list that don't fit within these things. It's in reading these that I find myself feeling rather like a troll, a snoop, or someone generally procrastinating.

So, it's time to clean house for the second time (over the next few days), but for more substantial reasons than the last time. For those that find themselves off my list, I may still be reading your journal from elswhere, or the above paragraph applies in some other way.

As far as friend's only stuff, I rarely post things as such, if ever. I'll still be here. There are a lot of changes happening right now, with my blog, my life, and my vision for becoming, and this cleaning is ssome sort of reflection of that.

I've been posting rather regularly on my blog lately, but have neglected this journal. Perhaps it's because most of my concerns, thoughts, and life lately have warranted a blog post since things have not been so normal. Ever since we decided to calmly step aside from The Missionary church, and completely reorganize The Inner Sanctum into a more holistic organization (in contrast to it being primarily religious/spirituality focused), things have gotten much deeper and more involved. Especially so since we started making the "conversion" to Nonviolent Communication.

It is becoming much more clear on how to apply our "Journey Inward" to our "Journey Outward". As Gandhi said, "Become the change you want to see in the world."

Sadly, we weren't able to raise enough pledge money to travel to Cornerstone Music Fest this year. We were really looking forward to teaching those workshops. Perhaps another time. And by then, I anticipate that we'll have a much more rich workshop, which I'm looking forward to as well.

The changes we've been making have helped us to further develop not only what we do as The Inner Sanctum, but also in our other more personal ventures. Nadine is getting a job for a while, not to pay our bills, rather to invest into marketing and the like for the recording studio. She will keep on with graphic design, as well as stepping into the bookstore/cafe'.

( Inner Sanctum Studios is going through a... )