stargazerlily

there is much to do. I have a thesis to rework, a maternity leave substitute to find, and lessons to teach.

This weekend was fairly calm. M and I went out to breakfast at Common Roots on Saturday, then headed up to the farmers' market for organic meat, bags of fresh apples, and three butternut squashes. we did the rest of the grocery shopping, then went to target for non-edibles. While there, I tried on some terrible maternity pants, and I bought two non-terrible shirts and a pair of leggings, as my cold-weather clothing supplies are hugely limited. I tried to find some jeans later at Old Navy, but their maternity selection is awful. At least they HAVE a maternity selection, though -- no one else within 10 miles of my house does, unless you count the super-pricy stuff down at Hot Mama or the overpriced consignment shop.

Yesterday, church was good and churchy. We sang "You are the New Day" and stayed in key, and I managed not to drop the body into the blood when I intincted --singing and taking communion at the same time is hard. I spent the afternoon shopping with my mom, who sweetly bought me lots of clothes, even though that really wasn't why I had asked her to come with me to the mall. I ahve lothes now, though, and that is very very good, as it's getting chilly here at night, and I was down to 1 long sleeved shirt and two cardigans that fit!

We start our Birthing from WIthin classes tonight. I hope they aren't too woo-woo for M. I know that they'll be just what I need -- birth as a rite of passage for all parties involved, not just the baby, with art and story-telling...

hi. this post will be in bullet points. without bullets, as I have none.

-- it's 7 am. I need to go get dressed and go to work.

-- we did not go to the renaissance festival last saturday, which sucks a little, but there it is. M had a hideous cold, and so we hung around at home, went out for thai soup, and got our cards read at Eye of Horus

-- M prefers the readers at fest to the one we went to at Eye of Horus, as E of H lady asked a lot of questions and wanted to know what we were asking about, rather than just doing the spread adn letting us come to our own conclusions. I thought it was pretty good, but not surprising in any way.

-- Ultrasound on Monday showed that I still have marginal placenta previa. I have five weeks to get the placenta to move out of the way through visualization and sheer will, and if it doesn't move up, we'll be scheduling a surgical birth.

-- we think we've found our doula. I was ready to hire the first one we talked to until last night, when the doula mykirulz recommended came over for tea and interview and M and I both fell in love with her. She rocks We're calling everyone tonight to let them know our choice. whee!

-- baby kicks a lot.

-- my students want to do research projects and write reports. I said, sure! they are researching why bees dance, how many times a hibernating marmot breathes in a day, how water moves up a watertower, and the wingspan of the golden eagle, among other things. Totally their idea.

-- I need sleep.

I got all teary and exhausted last night. sleep has helped. it was good sleep, despite a fit of wakefulness brought on my a tickle in my throat that wouldn't go away, and then prolonged by one of the cats singing loudly about her mighty battle with the toy mouse. i was too tired to go find her and praise her and take away said mouse.

today, I will teach morning lesson about biomes and try to get the students to complete two or three pages in their lesson books in one day. this is a herculean feat. then I will email their parents, to ask that more food go into lunchboxes (half the class is still ravenous after lunch, and I know these parents have the food), and to remind them that strings lessons are, in fact, on Tuesday, not Wednesday, and to help their children to remember to do their homework. Then, I'll call two doulas. Then, I will attend four hours of meetings.

I will not, sadly, be attending the screening of Orgasmic Birth. Driving all the way to the Riverview theater after a day of meetings (it comes out to about 10 hours of work, but it feels like an eternity) would suck.

my hips have been aching something fierce, and these braxton-hicks contractions are annoying, but the baby and I are well. Blood glucose and hemoglobin numbers were fantastic at my checkup Tuesday, and the baby's heart sounds like a little tabla in my belly.

for instance, when I don't write about big stuff going on in my life because it seems mean to mention it. Specifically, I love being pregnant. That's hard for me to say, when one couple I know are trying so hard to get pregnant, and another friend lost her baby (he was already dead when they did the induction or abortion or whatever it actually was; I wasn't there), and I don't want to be too happy at them. But I'm not being happy at them, I'm being happy here, for me. For us.

I love feeling the baby kicking me. He's a baby to me, and could survive being born now, so there. And he kicks hard and does somersaults. I love being round, the ever-expanding swell of my belly, and the need for new, larger clothing. I am drunk with anticipation. In my mind's eye, he has scads of dark hair and a sleepy, scrunchy face, even though his donor was a redhead at birth, and i am a redhead to this day.

all the stuff to get ready for the birth and the worry about money and whether M will go insane being a stay-at-home mom after I go back to teaching -- it all makes me very agitated and tired and nervous. We live paycheck to paycheck. We have a hefty debt load. I have no savings. we will have to start saving for college for the kid right away.

But I'm loving it, this feeling of sacrifice. No human being comes into the world without someone else, willingly or not, hosting him in her body for the better part of a year, giving up strength and vital fluids and nourishment to offer a chance at trying out life on earth. It astounds me -- someone else did this for me. I get to do the same thing. And more than anything else, I chose it. Oh, M and I chose the whole deal together, yeah, but this couldn't have happened by accident, given my life, unless violence was involved, and the fact that going to the doctor and letting her inject a few milliliters of fluid into my body with syringe and tube resulted in a whole new person happening is incredible.

interesting.

I'm a socialist. hm. my father would be proud.

You are a Social Liberal (66% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (8% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

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I'm a bit miserable right now. I came down yesterday afternoon with a head cold. I thought it was allergies. Allergies would have gone away, I think, and would feel less awful. My jaw is tight from sleeping with my mouth open so I could breathe. My head hurts. Some cat, who shall remain nameless, thought it would be fun to knock my alarm clock onto the floor at 5:35 this morning, which always makes the clock reset to 1 am, thereby robbing me of half an hour's sleep. cranky, cranky, cranky.

things are going remarkably well on other fronts. Money is very tight, but you wouldn't know it with all the remodeling going on downstairs, new furnace, etc. That is because home improvement is funded by the Live Vicariously Through Your Daughter fund, and everything else comes out of my paycheck. M has occasional clients and is toying with the idea of going to culinary school next fall. I think it's a splendid idea. She likes to cook, and she wants her own cafe someday...

The weekend will be busy, which is fine, but I am so very tired. We're interviewing a doula tonight. Tomorrow, I have a massage (yeah, money's tight, and i'm shelling out for bodywork. I need it). Tomorrow night is father-daughter-daughter-in-law theater night. Sunday, we have only slightly dubious comps to RenFest. Throughout all of this, we are in teh process of hiring the new 8th grade teacher, which is good but a bit touchy, and I hate having work stuff hanging over me during the weekend.

plus, it's just a little too hot in the house.

so even if you aren't obsessed with this show, do the nation a favor and go vote for queen emily or nuttin but strings at nbc.com, because they are too amazingly good not to be in the finals.

I lurve them.

Cameron, whom I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, passed away this morning. He had slipped into a coma a couple of days ago, and he went quietly and peacefully, it seems. Please send your thoughts to his family.

I did not know Cameron well, but his father, Henry, is one of the warmest, kindest, most welcoming people I have ever met. This has been a long journey for all of them.

Its been nearly a week since the last installment of the life of miep, and I am exhausted. ex. haust. ed.

Work is going well. My students want to work. They want lots and lots of work to do.

Henry posted an update to Cameron's site. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/cameron

It sounds a lot more hopeful, even if the hope is for release, than the previous post from the nurse.

Cameron's dad, Henry, is one of the first people I met in Waldorf Ed. He is a dedicated father, artist, friend, and leader. Cameron was diagnosed a couple of years ago with a rare form of brain cancer. He has been fighting with bravery, grace, and positivity. I haven't seen Henry or Cameron for over a year -- the last time was in Trader Joe's, and Henry told me all about their plans to go on Rosie O'Donnell's cruise, which some big name football player had payed for, inspired by Cameron's story. They were both so sparkling and full of life and love.

Henry and Cameron's mom Paula decided yesterday to stop all medication except what is needed to keep Cameron comfortable. He can't eat, speak, or move any more, and it's becoming clear that he is ready to let go of his body and move on.

Please send your loving thoughts to them today, and to Henry's partner Scott. They are a beautiful family, and Cameron has had a beautiful life.

I have survived the first 2 days of school. I don't know that I used my 2 prep periods today particularly well-- morning lesson has felt really shaky both days. I miss my missing kids, and I'm kind of exhausted, but I think I'll get back into the swing of things soon...

I think i'm as ready as I'm going to be.

I just have to commit to the version of the morning verse that i'm going to use with them, cuz this sets us up for four years...

blegh.

so, the 8th grade teacher, who is a friend of mine, quit last Tuesday. School starts Wednesday. I think we have a viable plan in place, but it's nervewracking, nonetheless. or is it nerveracking?

anyway.

today I harvested a big bag of chard and a little bag of basil from the garden. The giant swimming pool stock tank-cum-turtle pond in the basement is warming to a manageable temp, so that M and I can move Helmut into it. Workmen come Tuesday to start on our roof, gutters, and ductwork. It will be loud here. Poor dog.

we registered for baby stuff the other day. Registering feels a little weird to me -- "Here! Buy us stuff!" -- and at the same time, it can make one complacent that everything will just show up, but really, all we need is the cosleeper and a lot of diapers. Mom brought over the 2 pre-folds and 10 cotton wraps she had from when I was wee, and with a couple of covers and a couple more stacks of prefolds, we should be set at least for a start...

3 1/2 months until baby.

I don't think I have ever seen a political speech that made me want to be a better person, until tonight. Not that I can actually remember watching any political speeches before this year -- the state of the union gives me the willies, and I haven't ever watched a convention speech before.

but, by golly, I want Barack Obama to be the president, if for no other reason than that I think he has the charisma to spur Americans to make the choice to be finer human beings than we might otherwise be.

ETA please, let McCain not choose Pawlenty. Please, please, please.

ugh.

crap is happening at work that I can't write about yet. It's manageable, but really not something I had any plans at all to deal with a week before school starts.

Thunderstorm at 5:30 this morning meant I had to get up and drug the dog, then get up again to rescue WEDDING PICTURE SLIDES from the kitten, who thought the uncut slide film in its plastic cover would be fun to chew on.

I need to put on clothes and go to work. I don't wanna.

we wandered around the state fair for about four hours today. We ate pronto pups, pita sandwiches, and dippin dots, and drank honey lemonade, icees, and free water from Culligan. We looked at bunnies and garden plantings and electric cars, and I had a nice time in the creative activities building. oh. we also had blueberry pie a la mode, accompanied by hot Swedish egg coffee. Yum.

and now my legs ache.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Whee!

so today I found out two more of my students won't be returning. one family is moving to Wisconsin, and they sound happy and excited and adventuresome, so I'm happy for them. The other family is mad at the school. They're happy with the teaching, but mad about everything else, and taking their two kids to another school in town.

I am so sad. The first kid, a girl, is an enigma; she's in love with all things pioneer and wants to work with dairy cattle, and she asks odd questions that exasperate me quickly, but she's sweet and thoughtful and smart. I'm okay with her leaving, because she seems to float among places so easily, that having her gone is almost like having her there.

The second one is a delightful imp of a boy, so fast at math I had to have extra work just for him. He makes us all laugh and is sweet and funny and unfailingly respectful. I can't stand to lose him. I'll have only two boys now, and they have the same first name.

It's not fair. They should stay. I'm an excellent teacher, and their classmates deserve to have them in class with them. moving out of state is a far better excuse than changing schools because you don't like the administration.

I have one girl whom I'm trying to get to stay, whose mother is having financial problems, and if she goes, that leaves me with 8. I don't want a class of 8. I want 12. or 20.

did you miss me?

we ahd a delightful weekend of vegging out in front of the hotel tv, watching food network and the olympics. in between watching cable, we journeyed up the Split Rock, looked at the lighthouse, came back, bought a beautiful xmas ornament, ate a magnificent dinner...

the dinner ended with the prettiest dessert I have ever eaten -- a greek yogurt honey tart, piled with fresh and candied strawberries and rose petals, surrounded by swirls of wildflower honey and more candied strawberries. It looked like what the Queen of Faerie would eat.

My dear friend Jen and her husband Chris have been expecting a second child. The baby's due date is Christmas day. however, they learned a couple of weeks ago that their tiny son has Trisomy 18, a chromosomal abnormality that has affected multiple systems of the baby's body. He has a major heart defect and an airway obstruction, and would not be expected to make it to full term, and if he did, he would not survive.

Jen and Chris will be entering the hospital on Thursday evening for the birth of their son Ezra, and to say goodbye to him. His big sister Sadie has had a lot of questions, and is coming to terms in her own way with the shortness of time with her little brother.

please send your thoughts and prayers to them this Thursday night. They are a beautiful family, and Ezra's entire time on earth has been full of joy and love.