He could not even imagine the world without her there...

2:47pm: everything..
All went well in Arizona. Rob's parents are wonderful. I really didn't know what to expect, but everything seemed to fall right into place, as it usually does when it comes to Rob and I.
I have had a crazy few weeks! I just want to do nothing to a while. Which is good considering I have 11 days off for Christmas.
My uncle who has been very ill died on Sunday. I went to the funeral this Wed. It was awful to see his three children there, and his wife was torn apart. She just kept rocking back and forth at the funeral. It was like something out of a movie. Just awful.
I hope everything just slows down for a while, so I can catch up...

11:06am: I am getting sleepy

I am tired.  I had a bad night sleeping last night.  No good reason...just kept tossing and turning.   This morning I got up and repacked my bag for AZ...I am such a nut...but most of you know that. 

It is really Christmasy here at work.  Everyone has decorations up for our contest, and our Christmas party is today at three, but I will not be attending.  I will be off to the airport to see...xfiremanbobx   I think I will nap on the plane. 

 I have worked my ass off this week, but at least it's Friday!  Thank the lord.

I can't wait to see Rob...I am in need of a big hug.

9:43pm: Tomorrow
I go to Arizona. I am meeting Rob's parents for the first time ever...weeyoopeeyoo. I'm kinda nervous, but he tries to assure me that I will make a great impression on them. That's because they don't know me yet...muuuaahhhhhahaha! I think it should be fun...his sisters sound really fun. We will have to see how it goes.

I am swamped at work and I'm still playing catch up from being gone a week in Acapulco. It was fun, but staying that long was a little too long. There's just so much you can take of my parents...without wanting to kill them while they are sleeping...hahaha! Really, it was a good time, relaxing...but I wish Rob could have gone...next year...next year.

6:31pm: bob you suck
write fool write!

3:53pm: To love means to commit oneself without guarantee...
Love:

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.

Guy: No this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. 2 people were on it, but only 1 survived.

*The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

12:09pm: Tattoos...
So I got two more tattoos on Sat...they are a sparrow on each of my hips. They look awesome. I am pretty pumped.

I feel so tired today, I kept waking up throughout the night...and then I couldn't get back to sleep...I need a nap, and some food.

Off to lunch.

10:09am: Like a star that can't wait for the night...
I can't wait to get off work today! I am in such a great mood. There's nobody here at work...it's so quite.
I got my evaluation for work yesterday, and it was great! They gave me stellar comments, and I am really pumped to get such wonderful feedback. They want me to go through buyer's training next time it is offered, which is a great opportunity to move up, and that means I will be getting a raise! YAY!
Rob is getting a tattoo today, and I am going to go to the shop after work and comfort him. That's the main reason I can't wait to get off. I'm pretty freakin' excited about hanging out tonight.

I am a dork...so shut up!

12:48pm: What Miss Cleo thinks...
Virgo & Cancer

When Cancer and Virgo make a love match, a strong, down-to-earth relationship with staying power is the happy result. This is a relationship with great potential to get better and better over the passing years. Both Cancer and Virgo are goal-oriented and disciplined. They are sincere and devoted to one another and share a strong sense of purpose. No lightweight love here: These two were not really built for flings! Cancer and Virgo deeply admire one another: Virgo respects Cancer's quiet strength and dedication while Cancer appreciates Virgo's keen adaptability and intelligence.

These lovers may get off to a slow start, but over time, bonds will only grow stronger. The Cancer-Virgo love match prides itself on common sense and strong principles over fluff and inconsequential or fleeting connections. They enjoy the material comforts of life, but they will only feel good about their bounty if it has come as a result of honest hard work. There could be tiffs if Virgo becomes too critical for Cancer's easily bruised feelings; Cancer needs to understand that it's just Virgo's nature to point out what they observe, that it's not a personal attack. A Virgo may bristle at their Cancer mate's stubborn streak, but it's a trait that a patient and understanding love partner like Virgo could come to appreciate. Also, Virgo's urge to serve suits Cancer's affectionate, nurturing nature well.

The Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, and Mercury (Communication) rules Virgo. Though they're very different planets, they're both near the Sun and therefore always in one another's neighborhoods. The Moon is a mothering influence; it's about cultivation and fostering growth, which are both central concerns for Cancer. Mercury is all about communication, and it's an androgynous energy -- Virgo will adapt and take on the form that it chooses, the guise that best serves a situation. Virgo takes an intellectual approach to life (especially compared to the emotional Cancer), but still manages to be perceptive and intuitive enough to figure others out if they choose. Good thing for the Crab, then, that a Virgo mate can get a feel for devotion and domestic fulfillment if that's what their Cancer lover desires. These two won't argue about fulfilling one another's needs. They'll work at it and relish the rewards of their conscientiousness.

Cancer is a Water Sign, and Virgo is an Earth Sign. Earth Signs, true to their name, are down-to-earth, but they can also be preoccupied with acquisition. The Cancer-Virgo love partners like to surround themselves with comfortable, well-crafted things. Water Signs rely on feeling and intuition, making Cancer the emotive force behind this relationship, in a subtle Cancer way, of course. Along with their desire for prosperity, their love of a fancy home life ensures that this couple will work hard toward this shared goal. Also, they're practical pair, and losing control is never really an issue.

Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Virgo is a Mutable Sign. While Cancer gets things going, Virgo thrives on a changing routine of responsibilities and challenges. Because they're so ubiquitous, Virgo will find a place in Cancer's plans if they really want to. Virgo will keep in mind Cancer's plans, and will eventually bring results even if Cancer has moved on.

What's the best aspect of Cancer-Virgo relationship? Their dedication to working toward the same goals. Both partners in this love match enjoy a stable home life and nice things, and Virgo truly enjoys helping Cancer along the way to achieving their goals. Their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match.

10:26am: okay...be cool...
There's a disturbance in the force...

10:01am: Oh my God!
How can everything be so incredibly right? I am waiting for the catch...it's like that car commercial...

MAN: "okay, so what's the catch..."
SALESMAN: "Sir, there is no catch."
MAN: "Alright...so what's the catch again?"

It's all too great...my brother said to me yesterday...it's good this guy is a fireman and has to stay at the station every 2 days...later on it will allow the scratches on his back to heal...
Of course, I reprimanded him for being dirty... but I think there may be some truth to that statement...hahaha!

Last night I tried to cook spagetti, which I have cooked many times, but I burnt the dry noodles...and there was a small kitchen fire...it was ridiculous...I ran over to Rob and tugged on his shirt and yelled "fireman, fireman, fireman" It was so nuts...Hannah just stared at it an then laughed her ass off at me. Of course Rob, grabbed the pot and stopped the fire...it was like something out of a sitcom, but my whole life is sorta like that....

P.S.- When I put the burnt noodles down the drain, it clogged...yesterday was not my day!

2:23pm: So today...
I went to this special luncheon with my mother and some of our friends. It was nice. Every year there is this special Christmas deal, where for one week this historical house is decked out to the nines, and every afternoon they have luncheons, and every evening they have dinners. It's awesome. Plus, they have a bunch of items they got donated for people to buy (the cutest stuff), and all the proceeds for the whole thing go to charity. It was a lot of fun.

So, Mr.Firefighter is going to the skate park today...did I forget to mention that he has skated for like 16 years? He also surfs...and snowboards, he does everything. He reminds me of this quote "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful" Yes...it really can...

10:38am: It's all over...
I am all ga-ga over this guy. I can't believe it, he makes me feel so good. I really don't think it's all happening, but "it's all happening!" I feel so comfortable around him, my friends love him, my family thinks he's great, I enjoy hanging out with is friends...who are all very welcoming. It's like it all fits so perfectly...it actually kinda scares me. In a good way though. I love it when things come together easily. It makes working at it later seem like second nature. I can't even think right now...I already miss his smell. I feel drunk. That's bad because I am working.

Okay...I must try and focus...

2:16pm: Stolen from Sam's Journal...a questionaire
WHAT'S YOUR....

1. MOST EMBARRASING MOMENT? I have tripped a billion times, so I don;t even get embarassed anymore...I guess my parents are the only people that can really make me blush...everytime I think they can't do anymore crazy shit in front of my friends...then they pull something that blows my mind...they're great.

2. BIGGEST REGRET?? Not spending more time with my sister when we were younger.

3. BIGGEST VICE? Trying to help those who are too far gone to help, or don't want to be helped.

4. WORST FEAR? Losing my self for someone else.

5. BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT? Being a true friend to as many people as I possibly can, even when they don't reciprocate.

WHO'S YOUR.....

6. BIGGEST FAN? Stew & Slank.

7. FAVORITE PERSON? My mom...she's one of my best friends and my encourager...never lets me get too comfortable with who I am...always pushes me to be a better while loving who I am now.

8. LEAST FAVORITE PERSON? Liars...I HATE LIARS.

WHAT WOULD....

9. YOUR "BEST FRIEND"SAY ABOUT YOU IF SOMEONE ASKED? "She's my best friend because I can be at my worst, and she still loves me the best" Or at least that's what I hope she could say.

10. YOU SAY ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND? She is nuts like me...and when we get together you never know what's going to happen, but you know it's gonna be great!


11. YOU DO IF YOU WON A MILLION DOLLARS? I'd pay my family's (even my sister's) depts...and then I probably wouldn't much left, but I would probably do something responsible like invest it in real estate or something....

12. YOUR CRUSH SAY IF YOU TOLD THEM YOU LIKED THEM? Oh my God! That's what he said.

13. YOU SAY IF THEY SAID THEY FELT THE SAME? Do it, Do it.

14. YOU SAY IF THEY DIDN'T? Cool, at least you know.

DO YOU ....

15. THINK YOU'RE SMART? Yes.

16. THINK YOU'RE FUNNY? Yes.

17. THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE TO THE OPPOSITE SEX? Yeah, most guys are sluts.

18. THINK OTHER PEOPLE THINK THIS WAY ABOUT YOU? Don't really know.

19. LIE?? EVEN JUST A LITTLE? It's got to be something life or death.

20. THINK YOU'RE TRUST WORTHY? Very.

21. DRINK? I drink.

22. SMOKE?? No.

23. DO DRUGS?? No.

24. STEAL?? Never. Stealing is for sissies.

25. CHEAT?? No...All you have to do is think before you act.

26. CARE? Most of the time about most of the people.

9:42am: Things are good...
It's funny how your outlook on things can change so quickly when someone new steps into your life. Your daily habits change, the call log in your phone has different names, you plan your day out around certain things you never would have thought about before. It's great.
I have learned over the years to like change. I used to HATE change. I mean couldn't deal with it, wanted no part of it, didn't like factors that surrounded it...but as I have gotten older I realized that change is good, and necessary for experiencing life at the highest level.
Everyday I talk to Mr.Fireman I get giddy and act like I am 17 again...of course all my friends make fun of me and as usual I couldn't care less. It's weird...I haven't been like this in a long time. For a while there I thought I was too warped to get ridiculous about a man again, but then (Rob enters from stage left) here he is.
I can't wait to see where this goes.

Okay so for the last few days the phone at the house has been out, so the guy from SBC somes out at 8am this morning...but he calls my cell phone to let me know he's on the way...since when did the phone company get my cell number? I don't think I like this...

3:50pm: Colorgenics
RESULTS:

You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You're really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your 'thing' in your own way.

You don't like conflict and you endeavor to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company.

12:01pm: Oh...light my fire...
So, I have been thinking about setting a fire at work, because I know that the fireman that I am seeing has my office in his area...yeah...this weekend was amazing!

The fireman and I hung out all weekend. We even got up really early to do the Race For the Cure together on Sunday. How perfect is this man? He decides to go sign up and go to this 5K with me so I will not have to walk alone. It's rather daunting how great he is...we clicked right off the bat. Even though it is not unusual that I become extraordinarily close to people in a short amount of time...this takes the cake, breaks the records, for how fast and how close I have become with this guy. He has hung out with my parents twice, and I have only known him for a few weeks...and get this...this is the real kicker...I have not found one thing that we don't have in common...it's really strange. Plus he's yummy...damn, and all we have done is kiss...

Alright, I'm off to lunch...

3:57pm: she works hard for her money...
I need a break...I wished I smoked so I could take a smoke break.

I met a guy a few weeks ago...I like him...he is cute, and he's a firefighter. He looks awesome in his uniform...which makes all the difference.
He is very sweet, and because I am jaded that makes me skeptical. How sad is that?

Damn it's been forever since I have written in this thing...I will have to get used to sharing the innermost workings of my mind again...

...it's been a while since I have had a boyfriend, and usually I am the chronically attached person in my group of friends...I ALWAYS have a boyfriend...this has been different (but good) that I haven't had someone around all the time...but I am ready for it again...bring on the boy...

MI

1:51pm: get er dun...
I'm back....

4:56pm: Halloween
Halloween is great....everyone looks funny.....haha.

1:09am: sometimes...
I am in the strangest mood ever. It has lasted for a few weeks now. I feel like I am living in a movie...everyone around me seems so intense. Usually I am the intense one and I feel a bit crazy. Now I feel like I just may becoming more sane...well maybe not. HEHE. I want to swim...i need a back rub too...

I hate that Iron Chef is no longer. That is very sad!

Kaky and I cried for three hours today about that. Then we watched Monster Garage and Jesse James made everything okay...at least for a while....

4:15am: well...this is new!

6:38pm: Graduation
Thirty minutes until I leave to graduate...and I haven't showered.
Some things never change.
hehehoohoohaha!

1:47am: backache...
My back aches.

I work too hard for the money I get sometimes...

I wish I was back a year ago, in Mexico, less stress, and a woman making me bean sandwiches everyday...okay, maybe here and now isn't so bad.

I need to go out onto the back porch and read...that would make me feel better...just to relax...

Tommorrow I want to go to Lori's new apartment. I miss her. I am having Lori withdrawl.

I got a call back for the Hooters Calendar..looks like I might go for a thrid year in a row...yay. However, the fun part is that the guys from Florida know me and are asking me to do all this stuff with them. I am going to Conneticut at the very end of May for a national golf tournament...and then in the middle of June to the Bahamas with them...hehehe. Hooters can pay off, finally! I hope my picture is good this year...I am not sure that I want to be in it again if I get a small picture...it's kinda embarassing that I haven't gotten a bigger picture yet...but really I don't care...at least I am in it...that's good enough for me.

I feel very deep right now, but I am going to be stingy with my thoughts tonight...maybe you will hear them another time.

1:40am: "I have no time to blow smoke rings this morning....
All done with college and nothing to do.
I like Hooters, but I won't have these boobs my whole life. Wait...Yes I will...I bought them just for that reason...hehe.

No really, I am not sure what I am going to do...maybe try a bit of modeling, but just for extra cash, nothing serious...

If anybody knows of anything let me know...

I just got back from a week long boat trip up the innercoastal waterway of Flordia....beautiful! Not to mention it was on a 50 foot yacht! The best part is that it was completely free because the founders of Hooters flew me and my roomate out there to hang out...insane! It was constant fun.

I went to Alegria tonight....it was wonderful...I was just as amazed as I was when I have seen them in Vegas...sad that Lori couldn't go though...or should I say Spongebob.

My male cat is the devil....we all though Kaky was a bad bitch...but we had no idea. He is something out of a Stephen King novel...I swear. I have huge chunks out of my thigh from his incisors...I am worried. Kujo in feline form.

I got another small aquarium for a few little fish for my room, but they all died...sad times in the aquarium. I will have to make another trip to Walmart to get more...well maybe not...we will see!

I must go hide from my cat....

11:02pm: hurt....
I hurt....
inside and out...
but for some reason I see through it all.

And it is good.