Current mood:	busy
Current music:	Mest - Kiss Me, Kill Me

Title: I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
Author: Emelie
Pairing: Many
Bands: My Chemical Romance, From First To Last, Mest (Fall Out Boy)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AU. Gerard runs a “company” that sells young boys as sex slaves to whoever can pay.
Note: Selling sex is common, yes, but those people aren’t involved in it. That means that this is not true. Thanks to bennizzlejizzle for beta.
Dedication: marre_barre, your pairing is here ;) and heaven_sent22, love you and thanks for helping out with the end.


| One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven |




In some way life seems a bit easier after you started to talk to Tony. You have to admit, although reluctantly, that he is nice. You can also tell that your first impression of him as a bully type was wrong; he is more of a clown. Almost all the time he has a smile on his lips and he constantly seems to be in a good mood. Sometimes it bothers you, his happiness, even though you know it is fake. That is just his way of coping with the life in here, like Pete's was to be passive whenever Gerard or Sonny was around. It’s just that Tony seems to have problems shutting off his defence mechanism when no one but you is around. He doesn't need to act in front of you; you are in the same seat as him. Sometimes he puts down his guard though, and that's the Tony you see then that you like. The real Tony.

This causes a tension between the two of you, which mostly leads to quiet oceans filling the apartment. Sometimes you wonder if this is what it’s like to be in a marriage that soon will lead to divorce, when the married couple only lives together because that's how it always have been. Besides the fact that you don't fight, you just sit quietly, eating your food, maybe looking at the other one a little and maybe one of you says something short about your days.

But this silence is much more comfortable than it was the first days. You get along, but only because you have to.

*

Sonny is in an awful mood, you don't know really how anyone can let him drive in this state. His cell phone is ringing each and every second and every time he snaps at whomever he's been talking to. Sometimes you fear that he has forgotten that he is driving, especially since when he isn't on his phone he seems more interested at glaring at you in the rear-view mirror.

But really you don't care. It doesn't matter to you if he crashes the car so you'll die. Or get hurt, anything would be fine. You are pretty sure all those men won't be as willing to fuck you if you have one and a half leg or a scar across your face. That scar you would probably be able to fix without Sonny's help though.

You both survive the ride, without any serious injuries anyway. Sonny's bad mood continues while taking you to the apartment. You almost fear he will start beating up the door when one of the locks doesn't want to unlock, but he gets the door open eventually and pushes you inside.

"Hello Sonny boy!" Tony greets cheerfully from inside, "what surprises do you have for me today?"

The first thing you see when you get inside is Tony sitting on the couch, playing with the scissors. You showed them to him a few days ago, telling him that you weren't allowed to be in possession of such things and if Gerard or Sonny saw it, it would cause big problems for you. Apparently that last part didn't stick in his head.

Sonny mutters something in respond to Tony's cheerful welcoming, before closing the door. With him on the outside. You sigh in relief, apparently he didn't notice, or maybe all those calls he got distracted him, or maybe you are getting paranoid. But that doesn't stop you from worrying.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" you hiss at the blond guy on the couch, that now has clearly visible brown roots.

"What?"

"You practically shoved the scissors in Sonya's face!"

"Oh, calm down! It's only a pair of scissors!"

"You haven't even been in here for a whole month; you don't know how they are!"

"I have a pretty good idea. And Sonya didn't see it, did he?"

"You're just fucking lucky," you take a deep breath, "I don't care if you get yourself in trouble, but if they find that here it'll get me in trouble..."

"And I don't care if you get into trouble, so that's fine then."

"... And it'll probably get Pete in trouble too."

"Now wouldn't that be nice, it's his fucking fault we have that thing!"

"It's not his fault, it's thanks to him! And don't you dare talk shit about him!"

"And what would you do, ignore me?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty good at that, aren't I?" It's at moments like this that you wish you had at least one more room in the apartment, so you could slam a door in Tony's face. Of course you have the bathroom door to slam, but you don't really feel like locking yourself in the bathroom. That would be a defeat.

Tony has put the scissors down now, while he stares at you.

"Put that back where you found it!" you snap.

"Why?"

"Isn't that obvious? They'll see it at once tomorrow!"

"Oh, ‘they'll see it’," Tony says in a high-pitched mock voice. "How can that possibly make things worse? I'm locked up in an apartment in a town I don't even know the name of. I get raped at least once a day and the only persons I have to talk to is the two guys who put me here and a guy who's biggest interest seems to be to glare at me like I'm the cause of all the misery in the world!"

"I promise you, it can get so much worse. They can stop giving us food, they can beat you up so bad no one can tell your ass apart from your face, and still expect you to work the next day..."

Eventually you seem to run out of things to accuse each other for and both of you goes back to the infamous glaring. And after a while of that, it seems like the anger is running away. The tension in the air disappears, like it does after a thunderstorm when it has been too hot and too sunny for a long while. When Tony puts back the scissors you can even afford to give him a slight smile.

"Is it true that you don't know where you are?" you ask him after yet another eternity of silence.

"No,” he answers, "I have no clue."

"Oh..."

"Would you please give me that information?"

You nod and tell him, and when the name of the city rolls over your lips you can see his eyes go wide.

"That's like thousand miles from home or something..." he says quietly, staring down at the floor. You move up to the couch and sit down beside him, reluctantly patting his back to try to comfort him.

"How did Gerard get you all the way here?"

"I don't remember," he shrugs, "and I don't really feel like talking about it now, ok?"

"Ok."

"I'll tell you another time, promise?"

"You don't have to, if you don't want to."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you love Pete?"

"Of course I do, he's my best friend. But I'm not in love with him, if that's what you think."

You have never really thought about it that way, not before Tony asked. It has never occurred to you that you even could love Pete in other ways than friendly. But now, when that thought has been planted in your head, you can't get it out. Despite the facts that you get sick of the thought of having sex with men of free will and that actually you don't like men at all in that way, maybe you do love him. And really you feel pretty sick of thinking about having sex with a girl too; in fact sex in all forms makes you want to throw up. But when you think about it, maybe you would like to kiss Pete if you ever get to see him again.

You curse quietly at Tony for making you think like this, now you have one more reason to not be able to sleep at night.

*

Tony has told you about a customer that has been coming back to him since one of his first week here. When you sit alone in the apartment you can laugh at him, but the truth is that he is quite scary. His name is Tim and he is in his thirties, living in a huge house but from what Tony has seen, all alone.

At first Tim had Tony one day a week, at most, but lately it can be three days or more. And for every time the acts more like Tony is something he owns. It can be nice sometimes, Tony admits, because when Tim is in a good mood he can treat him like a human. They even have sex that is enjoyable for Tony too. But he has other sides too, some days he tells Tony that he will buy him free from Gerard and make him his own housewife and toy to do whatever he wants with. And judging by the way Tony tells you that, Tim is fully capable of doing it. And maybe that will be a good thing for Tony, because he will come out from this. But instead he will be imprisoned in another house, where he probably will have to work every hour of the day without any rest.

You can't decide if this Tim dude is a good thing or not. Sometimes, at the days he acts normal, Tony comes home all bouncy and happy. But at those days he acts like he just escaped from a mental institution, Tony comes home like wreck, knowing that he has to go back him. If not tomorrow, then the day after or at least sometime soon. Because there is money involved and the ones with the money always win.

In some way, you are happy that this happens to Tony and not to you. You just go on with your daily routine, without anyone trying to own you. Every day you show some stranger your most private parts, and he takes advantage of it by fucking you. You hate it, just as much as you always have, but maybe you have learned to shut it out by now, at least a bit. And maybe he will tell you how pretty you are, but you know you aren't. You're just the ghost of yourself.





I'm sorry for that chapter. I don't know how many times I re-wrote the ending and I'm still not satisfied with it.
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