| Getting Control |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|03:35 pm] |
I'm going to be in control of my life again.
The past few weeks/months, whatever, have been awful for me. I let my life spiral out of control and I didn't care. I stopped caring about my personal appearance, my health, school, friends, everything. I sunk into a deep pit and couldn't get out. I was staying up till 2, 3 in the morning and sleeping until past noon, then spending the rest of the day sitting in my pajamas playing Sims and going on Subeta and SubetaDrama, until finally showering and getting dressed at 6, only to re enter a comatic state of computerized addiction a few hours later. I was eating badly, or not at all, snacking, I've got an ulcer inside my mouth right now because I seem unable to eat healthy foods. I stopped caring about brushing my teeth or washing my face, or even getting up in the mornings. Doing my hair was pointless. I was tired, all the time. I couldn't focus in classes, and I found my grades slipping away from me into D's and F's. I tried to pull myself out, to make up the makeup work, but more and more work piled on top of me, and I couldn't keep up with it all. I didn't know how to deal, and so I stopped trying. I let my bedroom turn into a scummy mess. I started gossiping and I neglected my friends. I couldn't function in real life any more. I was stressed about school, my mom not having any money, my friends, whatever, so I decided to just stop dealing. I fell into this depression - I was sad. All the time. Even about stuff I SHOULD have been happy about. I started spontaneously crying for NO reason, or about stuff that happened ages ago. I felt completely, one hundred percent, alone. I felt like I'd lost all my friends, but I didn't realize it was because I was isolating myself. And I'm still a bit that way. I'm a solitary creature, I worry about what I'm supposed to say, when I'm supposed to say it, and to be honest, I think I'll always be a bit alone, and crave what I don't have.
Yesterday night my bank account went into debt because of a fee that came in late. Today I woke up and decided, I'm sick of this shit. I'm not letting it control me. I'm in control of my life. And I cleaned my bedroom, and I put on a skirt and I did my hair and makeup. I downloaded some organization software, so I can keep track of the stuff I need to do, when I need to do it. I called my friends and I talked to them. And I'm done with this. It's time for me to be me. I CAN get good grades, and I CAN feel confident about who I am. I'm sick of pretending I'm someone else. Maybe it's spring, I don't know, but I'm pulling myself out of this cycle I've been in, and creating a life for myself!
Also, I applied at Subway, again XD With a set schedule! So wish me luck! |
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| The unfairness of it all. |
[Mar. 24th, 2008|08:20 pm] |
LONG. Please however, read and comment, I'd REALLY appreciate it, I'd love to hear your opinions on this matter!
I got my new cosmogirl today, and I was reading it, and came across a "Secrets of teen millionaires" page. One of the people listed was an 'Olivia Bennet', company value: 1.3 million. It said that her gig was a Professional watercolor and oil painter. Of course, I got extremely excited about this, being a painter myself, and promptly googled her, expecting to be blown away. I mean, she'd been on Oprah, the Today show, gained national acclaim for her paintings.
And I found, this:
http://oliviabennett.com/home.html
What. The. Fuck. That was seriously what went through my head. Yes, she has an above average technical skill, but her oil paintings tend to lack depth and texture, and her watercolor technique isn't half as strong as those I've seen out there. That aside, her paintings are plain BORING. Her composition is AWFUL, nay ABYSMAL. Nearly all her paintings are centered, many are symmetrical, some of the worst artistic (Graphic design excepted) flaws you can have in a painting. It's obvious she hasn't had much artistic training, as her shading, especially illustrated in this painting [http://oliviabennett.com/517.jpg] is simply a darker version of the base color, and highlights are a lighter. She has no knowledge of complimentary colors or of composition. Most of the kids in my AP art class are better than her.
There are TONS of artists on deviantart who's technical and creative skill are mind blowing. THEY should be the ones on Oprah, not her. Take for example, one of my personal idols, IT-Hammar of Deviantart [http://it-hammar.deviantart.com/]. Some of her pieces are simply wonderful, take for example, this one: [http://it-hammar.deviantart.com/art/Nunc-et-in-Hora-Mortis-Nostrae-60666227]. Wonderful. While the composition is centered, she makes it work through the lambs at the bottom and position of the woman. The piece shows a variety of colors and complimentary colors are used in the shading to provide depth. If one refers to the piece by Miss Bennett that I had previously posted, there is none of this. Alright, one could argue that the styles are not the same. That is true. Lets go towards an artist that appears to be one of her inspirations, if we are to judge from her current works, and look towards the often mocked, but undeniably brilliant, Georgia O'Keeffe. ["Olivia's work has received favorable comparisons to the art master Georgia O'Keeffe."]
Lets look at another of Miss Bennetts paintings. [http://oliviabennett.com/363.jpg]. And now lets look at a somewhat similiar painting by O'Keeffe [http://atelier-rc.com/Atelier.RC/b-dayCalendar/11.15-OKeefe-Redcanna.jpg]. O'Keeffe's is slightly off center, and has variations in the petal sizes, shapes, detailing, and length, to create visual interest. Miss Bennett's is a simple, centered design. O'Keeffe's has shading and color variation in the petals, where as Bennett's has none. The flowing shapes of O'Keeffes create a line for the eye to follow, where as Bennett has constructed the composition to simply slice the page in half. Not to mention the technical ability that is lacking.
So why is she calling herself on her web page an "Art Prodigy". Art Prodigy? Anyone that full of themselves looses respect in my eyes, but let's ignore that. Why would she be considered an "Art Prodigy" if her actual art is so lackluster? I can think of a few simple reasons, which I shall list here:
1. According to her art website, "Olivia started painting at the age of five and has completed over 500 works of art in watercolor and oil." As we all know, if one starts painting young and apparently values quantity over quality (I myself have no idea how many works I have completed, it is not in my interests to keep count. The fact that she has kept track shows something about her views towards art.), then they must be considered a prodigy.
2. " "A Life In Full Bloom" also describes Olivia's battle with leukemia when she was 5 years old. Her story is told by her mother, and includes journal entries describing her struggles and incredible strength fighting the disease." While I pity that she did have to deal with Leukemia, dealing with cancer should not automatically qualify one as a prodigy, and I can't help but feel that it is her cancer that has set her apart and made her famous, not the poor quality of her artwork.
It seems so unfair that someone with artworks such as hers should be gaining so much notoriety and prestige over others that have much more technical and visual skill. And why? Because she had cancer? Please. |
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| lalalalawonderland! |
[Mar. 22nd, 2008|02:08 pm] |
Haven't posted in forever because I'm lazy. I really should since I still like my layout/icon, and I always whine about handwirting, because typing is better for me.
SO.
Last night I did a ton of research into t-shirt reconstruction, and redid one of my old tees. It was just a pink ugly thing I got at walmart, with Tinkerbell on the front. It was to short and had weird piping around the neck and sleeves. So I cut it into a squareish neck and made the sleeves babydoll and put the piping around the bottom. It's still not that great, but def. an improvement, haha! Anyway I just did it as sort of a test, I'll probably make some better, nicer stuff later.
God, so it's the first day of spring break and it is SNOWING outside. Wtf. I wanted to wear my dress today. I hope you die Colorado :[ And my mom is wandering around in her freaking UNDERWEAR. In front of the WINDOW. Gross and embarrassingly and I told her to go and put on some pants bout 10 times and she WONT.
And then my sister dropped something green and orange on the floor from the freezer, and now the house smells like poo. Like, actually POOPISH.
Gross :S
New family plzkthnx? |
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