| For all of you who don't want more of my angst, don't read this |
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| 09:50pm 22/02/2006 |
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mood:  GAAAAAAH! music: One Little Slip by Bare Naked Ladies
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I HATE guilt trips! If i ever guilt anyone, please smack me upside the head! Fairness is all well and good... but not when it's being bemoaned in your face every fucking night!
Yes folks, it's that time again. More Nagging from maternal unit! I'm not gonna say I hate her. Oh no.. that wouldn't be fair.. I just wish she'd get a fucking CLUE!
If it weren't for the fact that she was the breadwinner, and that me telling her off would most likely be the fast track to a heart-attack for her, I would bitch her out, to her face, and walk out the door. I just have no where to go if i did so.
Instead? I have to sit here and take it and meditate as she constantly brings up the fucking PAST! YES! I messed up for 4 years straight! YES I was going nowhere! YES I got in a car accident and now I have to rely on other modes of transport! NO! I will not stray from my quest to become a teacher! NO! I am not happy with my life! NO! I am not sticking with my job because its easy! and NO NO NO NO NO! I'm not going out with my best friend! Iwish she'd stop dredging up every single fuck-up I ever did and every single suspicion she ever had of me!
Get this, I usually have classes Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I went to the school today to take my self-paced math test. One which I am proud to say I did well in (from what I understand at least). After i get picked up, my Dad makes a bee-line for the Dentist's office so my little bro and sis can get their teeth cleaned. We don't get home til 5:30 or so. we have dinner, then I spend some time checking my comics and relaxing. The test didn't take too long in the day, but being in my room on the comp eases things for me.
Mom comes home, things seem spiffy.. then she opens the mail. School sent me an Academic Probation letter. Mind you, I was expecting it, since the community college I go to accumulates every single semester you ever went there and puts an overall GPA. If your overall isn't over 2.0, you get probation. If you don't improve by the next semester, you get suspension for one semester. As I said, I fucked up for four years straight, as such my overall GPA is in the shitter, no matter how well I did in my previous semester. The Board can be talked to though, everything can be nice and cleared as long as you give it to them straight. Only, now my mom suspects that i didn't do well last semester, and even now suspects i was just fooling around all day at the school, especially since I haven't filled out my FAFSA form.. which, might i add, I gave to her to fill out the tax portion of it FIRST.
She comes to my room, screaming at me about it, saying I should've finished filing out what I could before giving it to her. I wanted the Tax stuff out of the way first, since she recently had taxes done! Is that so wrong?! Get the harder things out of the way! But she says she'll get confused with it!
..... Confused... HAH! SHe just wants someone to scream at! Oh, but get this... she decides that, instead of waiting til we are somehow alone in a car to rant at me.. she closes my door to rant at me that way instead, complaining about my computer usage and many of the above nagging I mentioned. She uses GUILT in heavy doses too! Bringing up stress, possible heart attack, and how she works two jobs to support the family without ANY help! And DEBTS! Oo.. she brings up our DEBTS as well!
If i could say this to Mom, here's what I'd say..
"Mom! I know you work two jobs, the family appreciates you for it. If we could find some way to get Dad to work, he'd help out too! Hell, I am trying to find a job as well! But it would do you a WORLD of good if you just LET IT GO! Worry about work, bills, and the occasional family crisis! Don't worry about school, don't worry about work, and for god's sakes, don't worry about ME! I know that's gonna be hard to do, but I KNOW I'm 23, I KNOW I'm fat, and I KNOW I'm ugly, so since we have that out of the way DROP IT! You just worry about what's important, and I'll deal with me!"
Yeah.. I'd say something like that.... now that I'm no longer that tense.. I think I'll hit the hay... night everyone, and be well. |
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| GAAAAH! |
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| 10:27pm 07/02/2006 |
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mood: aggravated music: Those Who Fight n by The Black Mages
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Heh... I love my Mom. Seriously I do...
So why is it she always has to go and make me so FUCKING mad?!
Here's the scoop...
For the past year, I've been working for Things Remembered on minimum wage. It's not bad, pay could be better... has its ups and downs... Emplyees are cool, best friend works there, it's all good.
Unfortunately.. I REALLY need more pay. So, I'm off to find another job! Why? Because i need more money.. and Mom nags me.
Yes folks.. this entire entry will be about my Filippino Mother and her constant fucking NAGGING!
Here's how it always goes. I apply for someplace and never hear from them again. Standard stuff, right? I also apply for someplace again, score an interview, we talk, they seem to like me (though that's how they are supposed to act), then i find out sometime down the line that I am either unqualified, overqualified, qualified for something else, or they just filled up the spot with someone willing to work for less. Again, pretty standard.
What does my Mom say?
"Jorick! I can't beleive they won't hire you! You apply and apply and no one hires you! You aren't trying! If you were trying, you would be hired! You are happy with your small paychecks! Maybe there's something wrong with you! Is there something wrong with you? Do you need to see a psychiatrist? Look at *insert cousin here*! They have a good job at *insert career here* ... blah.. blah.. blah..."
That's right, apparantly, my inability to get hired is some sort of mental problem. Wow.. i guess unemployment agencies deal with real nutcases then! And, I kid you not folks.. she says this each and every time.
But that's not going into the school-path talk! Noo.. that's a whole nother overused nag! Course.. this one needs explaination. Before, thanks to the lovely thought of voluntary attendance in classes, and teh fact that I had a nasty habit of sleeping in class, four whole years of college was more or less wasted. i dropped out of the classes because i had a hard time staying awake... sure it was stupid, but I had no way of paying attention. Of course, I kept this a secret til the very end. I'm doing much better now... but the damage has been done. I have made plans to become an English Teacher in japan, and will not waiver on that. The past two semesters have been going fairly well! But of course.. that is never enough...
"How long will it take you to finish school, huh? It will take you another TEN years before you finish Teaching! Why don't you go for a faster career, like being a Realtor? it only takes 2 years! You'll NEVER finish college at this rate! Look at your cousin *insert name here* He/She is already finished with college! Ahh... it keeps me awake at night, thinking that you lied to us those four years! Are you falling asleep in class Jorick? Maybe there's something wrong with you! You are only interested in your comcis and your computer! You should just give up school instead of wasting money!"
And then we go back into the career talk... these two nags, while seemingly different topics.. always go hand in hand. There's also the guilt trip nag, the debt nag, the car nag and other nags that are just too tiring to talk about.
... I want a new job... I want to finish school.. I want a life... but most importantly.. I WANT OUT OF HERE!!!!!!
I swear... if it wasn't for my friends, I would have gone apeshit and blown up all of Oceanside by now.
all of this seriously makes me want to beat something up... or crawl under my bed and cry....
I needed that release. I think I'll go lay down and do a little crying before sleeping it off.... I know it'll only start tommorrow, but there's really nothing I can do about it. I just hope I get accepted someplace soon. |
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| bored... |
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| 07:57pm 08/03/2005 |
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| Yay! College Time! |
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| 09:04pm 18/02/2005 |
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O.o ... Brahma as my roomy? I sure hope I get top bunk.... codfishbunny... um... *blushes* it's been so long since I've been to my LJ, I forgot who you were, sorry.... Ishtar as the cheerleader though... got enough Pompoms? Merryjest as the band geek... Choir I can see, but band? Talbon.... y'know, ever sicne I had Karol-chan help set up my LJ, I've been wondering who half these people are... fearthetails as the crazy drunk... O.o Ok, i am definitely NOT the type of father to allow his daughter to be a crazy drunk! You are sobering up NOW young lady! SHurhaian.... again, sorry, no clue as to who you are... Wolphstrykes as my signi... WHAT?! ..... *checks to make sure he is still male* Ok... that is a definite no way, since she is my sister! My Twin at that! No way in bloody hell I can commit Twincest! As for Keimei O.o Um... got pictures?
Joisner as my roomy huh? Least I got a brainy dude who can help me out... Karol as the... *blinks.. trying to imagine Karol in football gear* ... weird.. Kensaro as the cheerleader. Hmm... a sunny leapord in tights.. O.o no thanks. Benor the band... geek... pardon me while I have giggling fits. Shurhaihan and Codfishbunny again... sorry, don';t really know you... Scourgling as the... oh... kay... not asking. Fear the... Oh HELL no!!!!!!! As for syke? >.> Got pictures?
... what's odd is.. if I put English, or Teaching, I end up with guys as my significant other, but I get a higher chance of passing.... life is not fair to me... |
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| Here we go... |
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| 05:41pm 15/02/2005 |
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I doubt ANYONE will reply to this.. but..
If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
Xai did it.. I had to. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| .... just great.... |
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| 11:02pm 11/06/2004 |
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mood:  crushed music: Simple Plan - 'Perfect'
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Anyone know the best way to beg for forgiveness? Especially when the person you need to forgive you won't see/speak/or listen to you?
If you want to know what happened, look here
http://www.livejournal.com/users/chi_aisling/31954.html
I dropped her off at work, and along the way, I told her I'd pick her up. She said she'd take the bus, but being the caring individual I am, I told her I would definitely pick her up. So, we confirmed the time she'd be off, I hung out with her while she grabbed comfy shoes, a good lunch/breakfast, then went to work. I took a little time to myself in the mall, then went home.
Simple, right?
So I left at 9:20, thinking to get there a little after 9:30 to pick her up. Ended up getting there at 9:40. By then, I figure, she's out already. No show. Ok, I say, check inside the mall. Unfortunately, i can't. No security guards around, and the automatic doors AND the regular doors are all locked. Fuck. So I check around the outside of the mall, look to the bus stop. 15 minutes pass and the bus home is there. I check the people boarding it, then think she's already aboard, would look pretty bad if I come inside to check. I look at the clock. nearing ten. I have my cellphone on me. It hasn't rung once, since i figure she'd call me to let me know she was held back a bit or something. No call, no problem. I don't have the number myself, and since it's near ten, most people are already out of the mall. I do a secondary sweep of the outside of the mall, checking everything just in case, don't see her, and convince myself she's at home.
Big mistake.
I get home, check my messages just in case, and figure nothing's wrong. No messages there either. I spend the rest of the night on the computer, stay up a little late hoping to talk to her on AIM to ask how she got home. After all, I'm a little worried. Since she doesn't show there either, I figure she went to sleep, or is working on chores/stuff so I go to bed at 2 AM.
Morning comes, around 9:45 AM I wake up. After taking care of my morning routine, it's near 10, so I pick up the phone to give her a call. She's already left. Odd, since it's so early, and why didn't she give me a call? So, I start thinking she's preparing for the get together she's been planning for a while. I call her house a few more times. No answer, or that she isn't home is the message. Leave a couple voice messages of my own, then think about the party. Call our friends, oops, change of plans. They can't come to us, so we should come to them. So, I think, might as well call Kim at work, tell her about the change so I can pick her up. I look up the number online, and after a bit of searching, get it.
Big Mistake #2... calling her at work.
I ask if she's working. Now, I should have left it at that and gone on over to talk. But no... I ask if I can talk to her. She answers... and when I say hi, instant bad feeling. She's pissed. Royally pissed. Usually, when she's pissed, she'll call me, bitch me out.
This is a major anger here.
It's so bad, I try talking to her on AIM... then get a warning. She never warned me before.
Now.. if it was anyone else, I'd brush it off and wait a few days, thinking nothing of it. But Kim.... Kim's been my Best Friend for the past 6 or so years. We've been together through thick and thin. I've seen her through bad relationships and helped her out when work and family really got her pissed. i even helped her ditch a few times in High School, when I knew she needed it. She's seen me through tough times too, like getting arrested, and kicked my ass when I almost committed suicide. Hell! We even work out storylines and stuff over the phone, and have hour long conversations about nothing! You only get that kind of closeness with family, significant others, and best friends.
... so could somebody tell me what to do? I need advice... and for the first time ever, i can't ask it from Kim.... and it scares me. I just wish I stayed there, ten minutes longer... or tried a little harder to get inside...
*sigh*
I know you can't change the past, and I know better than to stay stuck on it. Hell, I admit to making alot of mistakes... but this takes the cake.
heh.... so if anyone has any shining pearls of wisdom, or sage advice... I'll take it. And Kim... if you are reading this.. I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it until I'm forgiven. I'm sorry, and I'll do anything to make things right! |
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| Dancing on air! |
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| 08:06pm 11/05/2004 |
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mood:  hopeful
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Wheeee! *dances round and round happily* I had my first honest to ghoodness real date today. Not hanging out to get to know eachother, not an outing at all, but an honest to goodness date. To start things off, we went to this great japanese cafe i liek going to called Teri's Cafe. Real good food there. If you are ever in the neighborhood, check out their Chicken Udon Soup or their Chicken Teriyaki Bowls, since both are REAL good. Anyway, after lunch, we hopped the bus over to the mall area and headed to a dollar store for some movie snacks, since we were going to see The Punisher.
We got to the movie area around 1:30-2:00... next showing was at 3:40. SO.. that gave us a full.. 1.5+ hours to wait for the movie. Some walking, sitting, and waiting later, and we're in. PLace is completely empty when we do, so we go to the very back of the theater.
... Those were the best 2 1/2 - 3 hours of my life all rolled into one. The movuie stunk, but then... I got my first kisses. *sighs happily*
Life is great. Isn't it odd how just a few kisses and some snuggling can change a person's outlook on life? I won't tell you guys about her, or her name, in case she wants these thingas kept secret.... I only divulge these things to special people. ANyways, this has been magnificent, so I am gonna be happy and most likely irritating for a while.
Anyways, Tata! I update more later ^_^ |
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| Bit of Normalcy |
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| 12:12pm 03/05/2004 |
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mood: calm
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Well... it's been a while.. but I can honestly say I've pulled myself together. Things are going alright for me at the moment. No relapses and ponderings of suicide, cutting myself off from my parents as much as possible, slowly forcing my brother and sister to rely more and more on themselves, and I'm even going on a date on thursday. Not sure how things will turn out.. but at least its better than nothing.
I'd like to officially thank all you guys out there who helped me through this... this means all you Dreamers and non-Dreamers alike. Even though said helping out means that I'll have one sore heinie once you all collectivly kick my ass for scaring you like that. At least its an ass-kicking of love, that I can live with. Sit with? Not for half a year, but live with I can do. And I swear, one of these days I'll grab my gear and travel to each and every one of your houses (probably with Xai in tow) and do my best to cook and clean for you in thanks ^_^
... well.. I'd cook and clean.. Xai would probably just cook.... leaving me with all the work... *shrugs* Eh, what can I say?
Now... what to do with my life. First and foremost, my goals are to go to Comicon for all four days, get a job (hopefully), and try to get into Cal-State San Marcos to become a teacher. In the long run.. .I'm gonna move out, hopefully sooner than later... things aren't that bad right now on the home front, but things could be a bit better.
Hmmmm... aside from this, I have nothing to report... I'm gonna try my best to make this a weekly affair. No promises, but I'll try. Again. .thanks to everyone out there who helped me.
PS. To those of you who thought my announcing my suicide and not pulling it off afterwards was just a cheap cry of attention, fuck off. If something was going to happen to me, I'd want my friends and family to know about it instead of having them go through the trouble of asking Xai why I haven't been around recently. Anyways, I'm outtie.. I'm hungry and I'm in the mood for Japanese. |
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| Heh, still kickin |
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| 08:06pm 09/03/2004 |
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mood:  contemplative
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Yes folks, i failed in my unspoken threat to kill myself. Not gonna post in the Dream for a while.. but hey, all for the best.
This morning, so as to avoid dealing with ANYONE, I woke at 3:50 AM and left the house around 4:30 AM, walking out the garage with my jacket and pack.. with no thoughts of comming back. The only other person up? My bratty brother, watching TV and trying to pretend he wasn't by turning it off at the first sound he heard. Punk. In my mind, I was saying good bye to everyone.. making my peace. But I swore to myself I would not say good bye to my best friend without saying good bye to her... well.. her house at least. So, I walked... her house isn't far... by driving standards at least.... but by the time i made it in front fo her house, lights were on. Not wanting to tempt fate, I left my backpack and jacket in front of her house, wanting her to have everything.... since she didn't have the text books for most of her classes. The only thing I kept was my cellphone. From there... I walked, heading in the direction of the college... and hoping, along the way, to fling myself in front of a fast moving car. No dice. Everytime i saw a perfect car... I froze. Cursing the entire way, i kept asking myself 'Why?! Why can't I just fling myself onto the street?'
... guess its just my self preservation instincts. The entire way, I talked to myself.. and to (insert deity here). I mainly asked Him/Her/It if He/She/It existed... to show me signs or make itself known. DIdn;t get a thing, btu I felt better. I'm not really religius... but it helped to think some deity or supernatural force was keeping me from commiting myself to suicide. Anyways.. by Seven, I was an hour or so's walk away from the college, with no hope of making it to class on time... when my best friend drives by, slows down along the sidewalk, and asks 'Do you have any Grey Poupon?'. Heh... a sight for sore eyes. She even had my stuff with her. We made it to the school.... and as soon as her dad left, she gave me a beating I thoroughly deserved. What did I do? Bought her breakfast with most of my lunch money. Mainly, so I can have some myself too. We missed class.. but it was worth it. I'm still tender in the ass and have difficulties sitting though >.<
Anyways... no more suicide attempts for me... all I need to do is LEAVE. Anyone have suggestions as to how to do so without personal transport or money? I'm all ears. |
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| I'm sorry |
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| 09:09pm 08/03/2004 |
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mood: empty music: Numb by Linkin Park
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To everyone who sees this.. I'm sorry.
Sorry that I am such good friend. Cause by being a good friend, I seem to have isolated my family some how. They distrust me, are easily angry, and belittle my every mistake. I cannot leave because i have no job.... I could easily get in the car and leave... but it is under my Mother's name. So... instead... I figure I might as well get out of everyone's way now.
No more Mother and Fatrher bitching at me for being a good friend... no more brother and sister to always make fun of the fact that I am overweight.. no more nothing.
Today started off bad and ended worse... My little brother bitched about needing to get to school by 8AM... that he is always late, just cause I pick up my best fuckin friend just before dropping him off. He doesn't even need to go to school til 8:15! i get him there in plenty of time.... But no, my dad heard this and started bitching about how I always hang out with her or my other friends... how I always give her rides. So? He even told me 'If you love her so much... go live with her!'.
.... I thought that would be it for today. In order to get back at my brother.. I made him wait all of ten minutes before I picked him up. My Mom called my phone and bitched at me for being late. Then, after I dropped my friend off and got home, things were fine...
.... until something sparked my parents. Then the worst bitching ever happened... My mom mentioned a Fafsa form, used to get financial aid, I neglected to turn in, my fault entirely I assure you, and i told her as such, since i lacked a stamp and didn't know where to find them. She bitched at me. So I finally walked into her room, where she showed me where they were, and she gave them to me. I forget what happened word wise, though I am sure I didn't say anything insult wise. I just got the stamps, turned my back to her, and walked into my room, closing the door with my foot. That's when the shit hit the fan.
Mom started saying I slammed the door in her face. How was I supposed to know if she was behind me or not? Mom complained about how I was fat and overweight, and how she didn't know what semester i was in college. i said i accepted myself and i would take as many years of college as I needed. She didn't liek that answer apparently, and bitched somemore, then she walkwed out the door. I waited for my chance where she would be out of reach of the door, and closed it again with my foot. Again she said I slammed it in her face. More bitching, about my college and stuf... then Mom complained about me taking a little short cut this morning to take Joel to school on time.... my little brother no doubt told. She bitched at me some more, and even through my full glass of ice water at my face and body, saying i didn't care about how she had to pay the tickets. She's right, i don't.
Then she started saying how I am irresponsible.. have to take the bus.... alot more insults, bitches.... throwing in how I pick up and drop off my best friend. heh... I was emotionally angry, then moved to exhausted this morning.... now after all this... I took everything with a cool head, slamming the door for privacy. She even made a big deal about me closing my door! I don't even have a fucking lock! She asked if i was fighting her... NO! She'd KNOW if I was fighting her. I told her alot of times how she shouldn't worry... hwo she should just relax.... she doesn't understand, and takes it as an excuse of somekind... even says I lack common sense. Maybe I do.. but from her... it's just plain hurtful.
... so now I had to call my best friend.. and tell her she's probably not gonna get a ride tommorrow... and possibly, ever. Very possibly. Just now, my Mom enters my room, looks out my window, and says 'you are trying to kill me, aren't you Jorick?' ...bitch.. you'd KNOW if I was trying to kill you. Then she asks 'You'd be happy if i wasn't around, right?' i stay quiet throughout the entire thing... I'm sickl and tired... I am.. just... tired.. and empty. All I know is.. without me around.. alot of people would be better off.
I'm sorry to everyone... and... I pray that you all have good lives. Be well. ANd.. you probably won;t here from me here again. COurse, what else is new? |
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| GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! |
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| 09:34pm 20/02/2004 |
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mood: angry
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I can NOT believe my family...
FIRST I get blamed for a ten dollar call to/from my cell phone that is local that I did NOT make.. THEN, my fucking little brother pushes every single one of my buttons tonight! But it is NOT just him.. nooo.. he's just the catalyst!
Ok... today, I tell my parents about my engine, which make a bad, loud noise when I put it in reverse.. one that is NOT normal to my knowledge... and they get angry that I didn't tell them earlier. Understandable, sure... but then, they say that they'll take it away from me on monday to put it in the shop. Again, not so bad. Here's the clincher. "Go tell your girl to get a ride with someone else." That was said with such.. flippant disregard it totally PISSED me OFF!!! I mean, she's my friend, not my fucking girlfriend, and I told this to them... oh.. a MILLION times! And its not only that.. Ohhhh no... they always insult her. Not just her.. my other friends to. They are not 'my friends' to them. Nooo... weirdos... freaks. Worst of all, they focus on HER, just cause we are best friends and I give her rides to school and talk on the phone with her! Grrr.. this is gonna upset her... I know that.. but I HAVE to vent! Every time I say I'm talking with her on the phone, they give me this look.... usually, that's it. Other times, they say things like 'why not go marry her' or 'why you gotta talk to her all the time, huh? She your girlfriend?' And they SAY they aren't racist.. but they only prove they are HYPOCRITES! And I HATE Hypocrites!
But I am straying off the subject. As soon as my mom said 'tell your girl to get a ride on Monday' I go 'ok' and walk right out of the Restaurant. We were at In and Out at the time, right close to my friend's workplace, so I storm out and walk right over there. As I left, ravens flew through the sky.... rather calming seeing a murder of ravens cawing and flying into the night. Course.. I found out she had left ten minutes prior when I get there, so I walk back. More ravens. I cool off a bit, get into the car.. Mom asks 'Why did you leave when I am talking to you?'. Heh.
Of course, as soon as I do, an obese person walks by the car... whenever that happens, my little brother and sister make fat jokes. They THINK they are being subtle... they do... I know I'm fat, but they don't have to fucking RUB IT IN! EVERY time. TV, radio, whenever they see something pertinent to obesity.. hell.. even while we EAT, and I don't eat that much! Grrrr.... Oh, and that ain't all. As soon as we get home, i vent a bit on the fence by slamming it open, go straight to my room.. take a calming shower and everything. Then, just as I calm down and talk with my friends, my little brother comes back on. Stupid little DDRFreak909 ... It wasn't even anything major really, just 'Did you brush your teeth and wash your hands?' in ThIs KiNd Of LeTtErInG. GAH! So, I ignore him and give him an AIM warning. Simple, right? Problem... he IMs me AGAIN and asks 'Still angry?' Well, I do it to him AGAIN, hoping he gets the message. One last time he IMs me and says 'STOP IT!' like a whiny little baby... so I do it again! He warns me once and leaves. I deal with him in real life, like tis so hard for him to ask me himself.. and I do NOT wanna deal with him. Only reason why I have him on my IM list is in case i need to get ahold of the family while I am at school in computer lab. Oh.. but get this. He walks into my room, asks 'Why did you do that?' and stands there like an idiot til I say 'I always do that to people who annoy me on IM'. 'You aren't supposed to do that' he says. 'It's what its there for' I respond. He stands there, then leaves in a huff, comes back on and IMs me with 'I HATE YOU!' then signs back off. I admit I was childish, but that was too much!
*sighs* I feel better.... I needed to vent... though right now, I'll settle for a hug.... wish I had a girlfriend.... heh.... gotta find a girl who doesn't have a boyfriend and ask her out. Ah well.... wonder is Hell is worse than this? What was that quote... 'It's bad to feel lonely by yourself.. its worse to feel lonely with someone else.'. Well... that's how I feel right now.
Night all. No suicide for me, since I have my friends to live for.... hope that will be enough in the future too. |
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| Quizes |
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| 09:09pm 10/02/2004 |
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Your element is Water: Understanding, intelligent,
quiet and calm. You know who you are, you have
found yourself, something few have found.
Usually quiet but only because your listening,
don't let anyone think you haven't got an
opinion! Your not quiet because your shy or
sad, your quiet because your thinking. Your
answers are usually well planned and helpful so
people will generally seek your advice. Your
the perfect balance between solitary and
outgoing. But sometimes you need a little time
to yourself, heading out away from people to
sort out your emotions and figure things out.
You understand the phrase 'sticks and stone'
and rarely let things get to you, whats that
important for you to have to get so upset over?
You know what you want out of life but are
simply taking your time and enjoying things. To
you your life is fine as it is, you can always
change things later if your not happy.
.:-|What is your true element?|-:. {-With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-} ^_^
brought to you by Quizilla
*nods* This is my element, very well done.
 You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget. What inner color are you? [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font [...] shirono</font>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <img src="http://images.quizilla.com/N/nekokittychi/1075171798_izzesWater.jpg" border="0" alt="Water"><br>Your element is Water: Understanding, intelligent,<br>quiet and calm. You know who you are, you have<br>found yourself, something few have found.<br>Usually quiet but only because your listening,<br>don't let anyone think you haven't got an<br>opinion! Your not quiet because your shy or<br>sad, your quiet because your thinking. Your<br>answers are usually well planned and helpful so<br>people will generally seek your advice. Your<br>the perfect balance between solitary and<br>outgoing. But sometimes you need a little time<br>to yourself, heading out away from people to<br>sort out your emotions and figure things out.<br>You understand the phrase 'sticks and stone'<br>and rarely let things get to you, whats that<br>important for you to have to get so upset over?<br>You know what you want out of life but are<br>simply taking your time and enjoying things. To<br>you your life is fine as it is, you can always<br>change things later if your not happy. <br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/nekokittychi/quizzes/.%3A-%7CWhat%20is%20your%20true%20element%3F%7C-%3A.%20%7B-With%20Anime%20Pictures%20and%20detailed%20answers-%7D%20%5E_%5E/"> <font size="-1">.:-|What is your true element?|-:. {-With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-} ^_^</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font> *nods* This is my element, very well done. <A HREF= "http://quizilla.com/users/Shirono/quizzes/The%20inner%20color%20quiz%20(Utena%20Images)" > <IMG SRC="http://homepage.mac.com/werkers/colorquiz/youarepink.jpg"> <P>You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.</P> <P>What inner color are you? </P></A> <P><FONT SIZE= "-1"Quiz by Shirono</FONT> </P> Pink? I like what it says about me.. but.. PINK?!!??! <img src="http://images.quizilla.com/J/jsimner/1062436747_sixteen.jpg" border="0" alt="My inner child is sixteen years old today"><br><p><b>My inner child is sixteen years old!</b> <p> Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while<br>adults might just accept that, I know<br>something's gotta change. And it's gonna<br>change, just as soon as I become an adult and<br>get some power of my own. <br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/jsimner/quizzes/How%20Old%20is%20Your%20Inner%20Child%3F/"> <font size="-1">How Old is Your Inner Child?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font> Damnit, I'll NEVER get outta high school! <table border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='2' align='center'><form action='http://memegen.deskslave.org/viewmeme.pl?un=taka&meme=1061319607' method='POST'><tr><th colspan=2 bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#DDDD88'>Your Anime Stalker by <a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/zell_dincht'><font color='#DDDD88'>taka</font></a></font></th></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>LiveJournal username</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'><input type='text' name='LiveJournal username' value='mastersongmage' size='20'></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Favorite color</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'><input type='text' name='Favorite color' value='blue' size='20'></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Weather outside now</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'><input type='text' name='Weather outside now' value='sunny' size='20'></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Anime Stalker</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Muraki Kazutaka </font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>How many days?</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>10</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Status of stalker</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>you feel anyone touching you? yeah... </font></td></tr><input type='hidden' name='un' value='taka'><input type='hidden' name='meme' value='1061319607'><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><input type='submit' value='Fill Out Your Answers and Try it!'></td></tr><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><font size='-1' color='#FFFFFF'>Created with <a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/quill18/'><img src='http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' style='vertical-align:bottom;border:0;'><font color='#DDDD88'>quill18</font></a>'s <a href='http://memegen.deskslave.org/'><font color='#DDDD88'>MemeGen 2.0</font></a>!</font></td></tr></form></table> *gasps* PERVERT! <img src="http://images.quizilla.com/C/chaoscomesatnite/1073431691_Angelwings.jpg" border="0" alt="Angel"><br>You are one of the few out there whose wings are<br>truly <b>ANGELIC</b>. Selfless, powerful, and<br>divine, you are one blessed with a certain<br>cosmic grace. You are unequalled in<br>peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of<br>Light your wings are massive and a soft white<br>or silver. Countless feathers grace them and<br>radiate the light within you for all the world<br>to see. You are a defender, protector, and<br>caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver<br>of the wrong, chances are you are taken<br>advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.<br>But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in<br>everyone and so this mistreatment does not make<br>you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will<br>try to help misguided souls find themselves and<br>peace. However not all Angelics allow<br>themselves to be gotten the better of - the<br>Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting<br>for the sake of Justice and protection of those<br>less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever<br>change - the world needs more people like you. <br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/chaoscomesatnite/quizzes/*~*~*Claim%20Your%20Wings%20-%20Pics%20and%20Long%20Answers*~*~*/"> <font size="-1">*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font> Well.. Hallelujah <table border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='2' align='center'><form action='http://memegen.deskslave.org/viewmeme.pl?un=TheBlueParadox&meme=1073256105' method='POST'><tr><th colspan=2 bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#DDDD88'>What kind of Final Fantasy Character would I be? by <a href='http://www.FinalFantasyBall.com'><font color='#DDDD88'>TheBlueParadox</font></a></font></th></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Name/Handle</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'><input type='text' name='Your Name/Handle' value='Jorick Soriano' size='20'></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Hair Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Genetically Enhanced Pink</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Clothing Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Very Humble flowing Garment</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Weapon of Choice</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Double Bladed Staff</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Mission</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>My Target? SIN.</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Role in the Fantasy</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Fan-Service</font></td></tr><input type='hidden' name='un' value='TheBlueParadox'><input type='hidden' name='meme' value='1073256105'><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><input type='submit' value='Fill Out Your Answers and Try it!'></td></tr><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><font size='-1' color='#FFFFFF'>Created with <a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/quill18/'><img src='http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' style='vertical-align:bottom;border:0;'><font color='#DDDD88'>quill18</font></a>'s <a href='http://memegen.deskslave.org/'><font color='#DDDD88'>MemeGen 2.0</font></a>!</font></td></tr></form></table> Me? Fanservice? AND WHY IS MY HAIR PINK?! <table border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='2' align='center'><form action='http://memegen.deskslave.org/viewmeme.pl?un=TheBlueParadox&meme=1073256105' method='POST'><tr><th colspan=2 bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#DDDD88'>What kind of Final Fantasy Character would I be? by <a href='http://www.FinalFantasyBall.com'><font color='#DDDD88'>TheBlueParadox</font></a></font></th></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Name/Handle</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'><input type='text' name='Your Name/Handle' value='Kyro Valore' size='20'></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Hair Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Hairspray Loaded Spikey Silver</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Clothing Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Black Leather/Sexy Cut-outs</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Weapon of Choice</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Martial Arts</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Mission</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>My Target? ULTIMECIA.</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Role in the Fantasy</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>True Hero:"We leave together."</font></td></tr><input type='hidden' name='un' value='TheBlueParadox'><input type='hidden' name='meme' value='1073256105'><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><input type='submit' value='Fill Out Your Answers and Try it!'></td></tr><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><font size='-1' color='#FFFFFF'>Created with <a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/quill18/'><img src='http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' style='vertical-align:bottom;border:0;'><font color='#DDDD88'>quill18</font></a>'s <a href='http://memegen.deskslave.org/'><font color='#DDDD88'>MemeGen 2.0</font></a>!</font></td></tr></form></table> Technically, I have the better wardrobe.. but why does the kid have the better role and hair style? <table border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='2' align='center'><form action='http://memegen.deskslave.org/viewmeme.pl?un=TheBlueParadox&meme=1073256105' method='POST'><tr><th colspan=2 bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#DDDD88'>What kind of Final Fantasy Character would I be? by <a href='http://www.FinalFantasyBall.com'><font color='#DDDD88'>TheBlueParadox</font></a></font></th></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Name/Handle</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'><input type='text' name='Your Name/Handle' value='Spidey K' size='20'></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Hair Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Gravity Defying Spikey Silver</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Clothing Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Loose Clothing/Lots of Jewelry</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Weapon of Choice</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Cunning</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Mission</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>To Defeat My Evil Father.</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Role in the Fantasy</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>True Hero:"We leave together."</font></td></tr><input type='hidden' name='un' value='TheBlueParadox'><input type='hidden' name='meme' value='1073256105'><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><input type='submit' value='Fill Out Your Answers and Try it!'></td></tr><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><font size='-1' color='#FFFFFF'>Created with <a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/quill18/'><img src='http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' style='vertical-align:bottom;border:0;'><font color='#DDDD88'>quill18</font></a>'s <a href='http://memegen.deskslave.org/'><font color='#DDDD88'>MemeGen 2.0</font></a>!</font></td></tr></form></table> .... how is CUNNING a weapon?! <table border='1' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='2' align='center'><form action='http://memegen.deskslave.org/viewmeme.pl?un=TheBlueParadox&meme=1073256105' method='POST'><tr><th colspan=2 bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#DDDD88'>What kind of Final Fantasy Character would I be? by <a href='http://www.FinalFantasyBall.com'><font color='#DDDD88'>TheBlueParadox</font></a></font></th></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Name/Handle</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'><input type='text' name='Your Name/Handle' value='Junryou Kuma' size='20'></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Hair Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Hairspray Loaded Spikey Brown</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Clothing Style</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Sports Gear turned Battle Wear</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Weapon of Choice</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Machine Gun</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Mission</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>To Save Your Own Hide.</font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#FFFFFF'>Your Role in the Fantasy</font></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA'><font color='#000000'>Backup in case the hero fails.</font></td></tr><input type='hidden' name='un' value='TheBlueParadox'><input type='hidden' name='meme' value='1073256105'><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><input type='submit' value='Fill Out Your Answers and Try it!'></td></tr><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><font size='-1' color='#FFFFFF'>Created with <a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/quill18/'><img src='http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' style='vertical-align:bottom;border:0;'><font color='#DDDD88'>quill18</font></a>'s <a href='http://memegen.deskslave.org/'><font color='#DDDD88'>MemeGen 2.0</font></a>!</font></td></tr></form></table> A bear with a Machine Gun... scary. |
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| Gyahahahahaha! |
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| 08:47pm 10/02/2004 |
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mood: chipper
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Holy shit, is it once in a blue moon already? Gah! How time flies! Hmmm... now then.. what shall I talk about today? Ah! I know! Lets talk about what I have been up to.
Hmm... well.. I've been procrastinating a bit in my classes.. I REALLY gotta stop that.... my Voice and Diction class is great though. Hopefully, I'll be able to pass these classes, since I am in desperate need of actual credits.
Haven't played Ragnarok in a long while... I am in desperate need of a private server. Anyone know of one? Course.. lately I've been focusing on other things.
My mind just won't leave me in peace as idea after fucking idea for stories and fanfiction fill my head! WHY WON'T IT STOP?!?!?!?!?! I guess that is why I am venting.. to get these ideas out in the open (all of which belong to ME) so I can focus on them individually.
First story idea... I;ve told people about this before, but I wanna work on it later on in the future. It involves the Dream version of me, mental powers and all, bouncing through time as I try to stop a race of anthropomorphic dinosaurs from taking over the earth, along with a hodge podge band of people from different times and places. Chrono Trigger, but earth, ya dig?
The second is a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction idea that takes place after Jusenkyo... where Ranma is chosen and... well... I'll get into it when asked.. but lets just say Ranma will suddenly gain some new siblings.. *cackles*
hmmm... I had a few more ideas, but as I was about to write them, I dropped em. Curious, huh? ANyways.. last bit of news, I am finally gonna go out on an actual date! Yay! I asked this cute chinese girl named Chelsea to go out with me to dinner on Friday.... Nothing fancy, just this japanese place we both know. Gods, I hope I don't mess up. Wish me luck!
Signed,
Jorick |
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| Week of change! |
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| 12:19pm 18/05/2003 |
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mood:  bouncy music: "Tokyo Nights" by Utada Hikaru
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Hi ho! Jorick here, and I just wish to share you all my week of interesting experiences. Sure I only said the bad things that happened kinda, but now I give you the entire story. By the way, I am feeling MUCH better today.
Anyways, let us staert in the beginning of our tale... by last week on Thursday, May 8th I beleive. It was a typical day.. me leaving early in the morning to pick up my best friend, who is kinda like a neice to me, and drop her off at her high school. Course... in situations like this, playing hooky is fairly easy.. and thus, she went to the Community College I go to with me instead. She ain't failing her classes, and she needed to day off. So what happens is we go to this trailer we hang out in, and we see a paper sign on the door... telling us that the trailers will be closed to us next week. At first I was surprised.. since the Student Union Building that was still being constructed wasn't finished yet. So we go in, sit down, and pretty much talk. Other people come in, the rest of the gang that hangs out in that room, and we pretty much talk about what we're gonna do about keeping the trailers. So, we decide to go out, en masse, to see who we coudl see. We got a tip from some unknown old man that we should go to a certain adminastrator.... which we do, but he tells us to go somewhere else.. typical.
After a long wild goose chase, we end up at Bruce Bishop's office, head of Student Services, and I am getting tired of all this. So, I just grumble and walk off, with some of my friends following behind, as I walk back to the trailer.
After a bit of talking, my neice picks up one of her markers and begins to draw on one of the walls. Since they were gonna take the trailers away anyways, I decided to join in. It was pretty fun! After tagging up only that wall, I decide to stop. When all is said and done, I take my neice outta there and we leave, sicne I don't take classes at the college anyways.. I just hang out there. So pretty much, the rest of the week is uneventful...
That is.. until Tuesday...
On that day, I decide to see where my friends are hanging out. I find them, sit with them, and we just hang. Sometime later, who comes walking into the room but Mr Bishop himself! From what i heard, he pointed at some guy and told him to tell him who drew on the wall. Luckily, he only knew me by my nickname. Well anyways, Bishop walks in, points someone else out, and asks him "Where is ?" And the guy just ups and points me out!
Well.. after a little chat with Bishop, we set up an appointment for 9 on Friday, three days away. Well.. I took it well... the entire talk with Bishop, I was scared shitless and nervous. I guess he liked that power. Anyways, i went straight to a friend's house that day and just... hung out.
The next day, after dropping off my friend at her school, I went to the beach... wanting to get my head together. That entire time... I was in a total zen moment. The Sky was cloudy, but not raining... and the wind was cool without chilling me to the bone. The waves were not huge... but still amazing, and the water either lapped at my feet.. or went receded away to prepare for a bigger wave. And the sand was cool..... with footsteps all over, but still, the combination of elements on the beach can really be inspiring. Afterwards, I went to another friend's house... then I went to the school my neice goes to, picked her up... and after a while of hanging out, we go all the way to San Diego, hour long drive and then some, to pick up her boyfriend. I didn't get home til 1. But I already talked about that.
Anyways, the next day I spent the entire day hanging out with my neice's boyfriend, kinda getting to know him, then picked up my neice, and from there, just went home.
D-Day rolls around. Yup, Friday. In the morning, dropping my neice off at the place her boyfriend is staying at, my neice gives me a nice peptalk and a cd to listen to. All in all, when i arrive fro my appointment, not only on time, but in a good mood, I feel pretty damn good.
So Bishop arrives 15 minutes late and keeps me waiting, hopeing to make me nervous i guess. So I sit down and he tries to make me talk. I divulge all the information I can while claiming ignorance of my neice's last name, address, and phone number. I know her last name and number and HOW to get to her house.. but I don't know the address. He gets pissed, cause I'm not the bundle of nerves i was before.. I'm actually swaying in my seat a bit while music is running through my head. So, he decides to make thsi a police matter, since I'm not really taking classes there. Luckily, the police officer who arrested me was nice.
Anywho, after being handcuffed and havign to sit and wait for another officer to come and carry my stuff, Bishop says, of all things.. "Do you have a history of taking recreational drugs?" The nerve of him! Anywho, I say no, of course, and the police officer drives me all the way to the station.
Afetr a lengthly question and answer session, after they read me my rights and whatnot, I get myself a criminal record, no fine.. and am forced to walk from the Station all the way to the college to get my car so I can drive home. AN hour walk! It was actually fairly refreshing.
The only other thing to happen, was yesterday, I was part of a last-minute Prom scramble for my neice and her boyfriend, not to mention having to drive them to their dinner arrangement. We got lost about 8 times! Still, getting home was a snap, so I wasn't worried. Anywho, today I have a nephew's baptism +party to go to, which should be interesting in of itself.
You know.. with all this experience.. .Parenthood should be a snap. I just hope I can make it to that most joyous and taxing of times.
Be well everyone! |
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| ..... let me rest.... |
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| 08:25pm 15/05/2003 |
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.... Life is sucking badly...
Sure, you all have had those moments, days, weeks, even months where things go wrong...
Me... my entire life is f*cked up.
... to people who tend to know me.. I am generally a kind, caring, helpful person who wheres his heart on his sleeve and goes out of his way for his friends.
And they are right.
What they don't know... is that I'm greedy... I'm.... self-loathing.... I'm also easily swayed.
... I crave attention.. you know? I guess that part is the greed.... i gues that is one reason i try my best to please others.... and kick myself when i don't. If I cannot become someone people know as the nice dude... the guy whom people go to for their problems.. i feel.. unneeded... useless.
There's the self-loathing right there. I can't do anything... save listen.. and help. Doomed to play the part of the useful NPC in this world of important players. And as any good NPC.... the will of the main characters always affect me... or involve me... thus the easily-swayed.
The other day.. I was volunteered to go all the way to San Diego Airport, a full hour or more drive from my home... to pick up my friend's boyfriend.
His plane didn't arrive until 11:10 PM!
....Not only that... but this entire time.. my family beleives that i went to a PARTY! Just because i couldn't flat out tell them the truth. They would NOT take well to me going to SAN DIEGO to pick up some guy neither me nor my friend physically met til NOW!
the guy is pretty cool.. but i didn't get home til 1 in the freaking morning! 1!!!
...SO.... I make up another lie.. the party went on til 11... i was feeling tired and wanted to take a nap, and a friend didn't wake me when i was supposed to be woken up.
... then I run this day on 4 hours of sleep and having to watch these guys lip lock most of the day AGAIN!
.... *sighs* that ain't all, but i ain't gonna get into it...
....this friend of mine is a good one.... but because of recent events, I've questioned my own mortality...
... everything's gone to pot... perhaps a good car crash would help, huh?
But no.... likea key peice in any puzzle.. i must live..
Else I'd break the hears of my beloved Lydia... my friends and family, as few as they are.... and my friend wouldn't have her chauffer every morning and afternoon...
..... i can only pray for rest and respite.... |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| 10:24pm 12/01/2003 |
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mood:  drained
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Listen... I'm just really crappy at the moment.. so I'll just vent... after all.. thats what this is for, ne?
Ok... I am useless. I sit around, doing nothing.... I have things I could do, things I want to do.... but I don't.
And there are alotta things I should never have done that I did anyways.. repeatedly.
I'm just pathetique.... a plague on all those who know me.
To those who are willing to beleive it, I am empathic... I can feel the feelings of those around me quite easily.... whether I wanna or not. It gives me a goddamned HEADACHE! ...and heartache.
I mean... can you truly understand, what it means to feel the love two people can experience for eachother... truly feel it, the kind that makes schoolgirls swoon and couples sigh wistfully? You know how hard it is.. when the one person who can truly make YOU feel that way is all the way on the other side of the F&^#ING COUNTRY?!?!!?!?
Do you know what its like.. sensing when people are just around you cause they can't get rid of you? The polite smiles and laughter never reaching their eyes or hearts?
.... I do.... and it hurts.... what hurts more.... is I've begun to accept it. If it weren't for a handful of people that I really care for... I would've gone into a busy street ages ago. My beloved Lydia-chan... My sisters, Beth-chan and Crystal-chan.... my neice, Kim-chan... and a few others. if it weren't for these people... whose lives I have touched and who have suppoprted ME.... I wouldn't be around. I myself am useless... I live only for these people...
Now and always.
May whomever serves as Supreme Being shine on these people.. my true family... and may I always be there for them....
Mahal kita siempre
All my love, forever.... |
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| Day By Day-ly life! |
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| 11:16pm 06/12/2002 |
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Alright.. I work for Day by Day Calendar Company, a subsidiary of Border's Groups (WHich also owns Waldenbooks), and tonight was the biggest night of Hell I've ever had!
Before I explain why, lets have a little looksie into Company Policy and the people I work with.
Company Policy for our store is, we are NOT allowed, at any time, to be behind the register unless helping a customer, we are NOT allowed to read, and are SUPPOSED to move about ensuring the store looks presentable.
My co-workers are only three other people. The first is J-3 (I will not use real names here), I call her that cause there are two other people ther who share the same name. She's a cool person who gets things done, ain't afraid to complain if your doin something wrong, and generally easy-going (though watch out when she's wearing pants, cause that means she works a double shift, one at this store, the other at K-B Toystores... then she'll be in a pissy mood). The second is Statue, thus named cause he just stands behind the register doing his homework, looking like a damned statue! He does a liiiiiiiitle bit of straigtening, helps a couple of customers, then does his HOMEWORK, which doesn't help the rest of us out at all! Then there's Spacey. Spacey looks like she's constantly on meds, cause she's just that, SPACEY!
Now, tonight was utter Hell, cause Spacey OPENED today. NEVER have Spacet open! Mainly cause she was supposed to stock as well. She stocked alright.. lots od J Random calendars in the wrong freaking areas, and they were calendars we DIDN'T need!
It was so bad, J-3 worked for one full hour trying to clean up Spacey's mess, then just gave up and sold like no tommorrow. Thus, leaving ME with cleaning. Fun.
So, from 6 to 9, I was trying to clean the calendars up, move them about cause our manager's high and beleives we have room on the shelves, which actually never exists, but with my relocating, it is possible, helping customers, selling calendars, and working myself ragged. I didn't even get a ten-minute break!!!!! Now, with all of my shifting of the kiosk, things are better.. but the place is STILL a mess... so, I left a note, asking whomever opens to clean up as much as possible, leaving the problem areas for me. I work six hour tommorrow, so that means I have a thirty, which is a releif, but... I DIDN'T HAVE MY PAYCHECK TODAY! GRRR! Not to mention, I needed my ten for a bathroom break, so I was holding it for two... whole... HOURS!
So essentially, between me and J-3, the kiosk barely stands. J-3 doesn't work tommorrow... so my work is cut out for me. *sighs* SOmeone.. give me strength. |
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| Compromises |
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| 10:18pm 21/06/2002 |
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.. Kyro think it not fair...
What happen is this, Kyro PG, Jorick, not gonna be able to meet Nyu-chan PG, Lydia, when Lydia come down for summer camp... flight schedule changed. So Jorick have go to Las Vegas with family, where it really hot. Well.. at least family spend time with Jorick, yes?
Good news is, Lydia parents say they come down for vacation someday (YAY!) and hopefully, Jorick and Lydia get together then, yes? Till then, Kyro hope for best. |
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