This song seems to pop up on my iPod when I least expect it - or should I?

HIDE AND SEEK

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets amass with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
blood and tears
they were here first

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
Of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?
Mmmm what did you say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

I am a complete ass for not getting this posted on Friday - I'm sooooooooooooo sorry Leon.

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
lonespiritwolf2!

Yes, it's been a rough week - from hearing the news, trying to help long distance, heading to Denver expecting the worst, finding a mother not only approaching death, but in the throws of a crisis of faith. Family squabbles continue and of course human nature causing nearly everyone to want to lay blame on anything or anyone they could, rather than accept that with life comes a beginning and an end.

I'm honestly as peace, but unfortunately that doesn't always come without sadness. I find myself tearing up at the oddest times and solid as a rock at others. Nick and I became even closer during this time, which says so much for the love we genuinely have for each other. I think our greatest revelation has been that we so need to abandon the petty issues that seem to be overwhelming us and focus on the foundation to drew us to each other. I couldn't have been the support for Mom and my family without him there in my soul and by my side.

Mom seemed to bounce back the moment we arrived - which in many ways made it even more difficult to accept. This woman is a true Colorado Pioneer - strong and steadfast to the end. Her mental capacity is at 100%, but yet her body is all but dead. There were a few inspiring moments as well as those that devastated us.

As I held the frail, but yet strong hand of my mom, she squeezed with the strength of an Olympian. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop tears from appearing from the corners of my eyes despite her comments that "men just shouldn't cry." She said this not as an admonishment, but rather an observation of the times she grew up in. I can only remember one time when I saw my father cry and even that rare occurrence happened when I don't think he knew I was nearby. Quite frankly, I can only recall once or twice my mother crying and no, it didn't happen at all these last few weeks.

I wonder where I learned my habit of bottling up emotions and nearly never crying? That habit was thrown aside this past week - I don't think I've shed tears as much as I ever have than this most recent time.

As of right now, a room has opened at the Hospice of St. Johns where she will live out her remaining days. When she (and us) heard they allow smoking, have an indoor smoking room and a cocktail cart that makes the rounds each day, I think we all got confirmation there is a heaven. After meeting with the Palliative Care Unit at St. Joseph's Hospital, we began the process of removing all life extending measures and prepare for her transfer to the Hospice. Who would have thought that telling someone that regular injections of drugs directly into her stomach, IV needles and arterial blood draws were over would breath as much life into her as they were supposed to be doing.

This morning I heard that a room at The Hospice of St. John's wasn't available and that put mom into a funk and state of confusion, but then just a few hours ago we got word that she was going to be transferred at 630p our time (ET) so that's a good sign.

She requested that I be her medical guardian even though I'm away here in Toronto so my efforts are to bring her peace as best I can. Before we left, Nick and I were able to get her into a wheelchair for a trip outside to take in the warmth of the Rocky Mountain air and sunshine. She was also able to do what she enjoys: "feeding the birds."

What most don't know is that during her lung tumor removal and brain tumor surgery recoveries she would "feed the birds" often. I could never understand though how her smoking a cigarette did anything to provide sustenance for the winged creatures that frequented the hospital gardens. ;-)

So, right now as I make my way home on the The Red Rocket, stopping at Shoppers for my latest addiction (rainbow sherbet) I look out on the place that now holds my heart - a country and a city that will soon be the only living mother I will have. Visiting Denver not only gave me a chance of reconciliation and remembrance with my mother, but confirmation that my life has also come to an end in my birth city, state and country. I'm so blessed and thankful that my reincarnation is here - my new beautiful home.

I just hope my mother is as lucky.

When Nick and I left to begin our new life in Canada, we always knew that we would leave parts of us back here in Colorado. That's right, that does say "here in Colorado."

Wednesday night we got that call that we knew would happen one day, but one you can never prepare for no matter how much you try.

"Mase, it's Mom - they don't think she's going to make it through the night" said my sister Char.

We spoke briefly before I told her I needed a few minutes to collect myself all the while knowing that it would be time for me to put aside years of disappointment and resentment and be a son to a mother that was preparing to die. With Nick by my side and as much strength I could muster I heard my mother's trembling voice and did my best to comfort her from 2500Km away.

Less than 12 hours later, Nick and I were navigating the streets of my first 41 years making our way to Saint Joseph's Hospital. As we stepped off the elevator on her floor words didn't have to welcome us, it was the clear look of relief and the open stretched arms of my sister as she melted into my hug - never letting go for what seemed like an hour.

Then, just a short 20 steps to her room, with a smile on my face and the ever-present energy of support from my dear friends and soul mate, I walked in to see a woman ready to die.

Even though I can barely see through the flood of tears as I write this several hours later, there is peace in my heart because I know that it's time - and so does she.

We talked off and on throughout the day - catching up on years lost. She mentioned over and over how tired she is, but yet is worried that my father would not be waiting for her if she would die. In an attempt to comfort I told her I'm sure he is there waiting because "he and I keep in touch" so she had nothing to worry about.

Hours later, with a stuffed Team Canada hockey bear she's already nicknamed Joe (after her idol Joe Sakic) we tucked her into her bed asking her to rest because tomorrow would be a long and emotional day and as I kissed her forehead she whispered that she loved me and would see me tomorrow.

Tonight at dinner, in a manner only my father or other members of my family passed can do, he confirmed what I already subconsciously knew - he will be there waiting. Above the din of restaurant Mings Dynasty the song that was a staple of our home growing up echoed from the speakers:

Is this the little girl i carried,
Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older,
when did they?

When did she get to be a beauty,
When did he grow to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday when they were small?

Sunrise, Sunset
Swiftly flow the days.

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
blossoming even as we gaze.

Sunrise, Sunset
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
laiden with happiness and tears.

What words of wisdom can i give them,
how can i help to ease their way?

Now they must learn from one another,
day by day.

They look so natural together.

Just like two newlyweds should be.

Is there a canopy in store for me?

Sunrise, Sunset
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
laiden with happiness,
and tears.

Sunrise Sunset
Fiddler on the Roof

Earlier tonight I was lamenting not having a picture of me with Mom until I realized that I did - at Nick's and my commitment ceremony here in Denver five years ago.



It's time. There's nothing I want more for my mother right now than peace. I just wish it didn't have to come by losing her.

Right now, we await the sunset.

Our friend mentioned this phrase as he described why he needed to watch the GOP convention. Let's take a look at some of the "highlights" of the VP nominee's speech tonight, shall we? Of course, I put in my own two-loonies worth with a message and advice back to Gov. Palin.

Our son Track is 19. And one week from tomorrow - September 11th - he'll deploy to Iraq with the Army infantry in the service of his country.

Are we not past envoking 9-11 at every opportunity? And within the first five minutes of your speech. I mean, come on Madame Governor, it's 2008, it should at least be as deep into your speech as the President invoked it - and if my memory wasn't completely burned away this past weekend, it was almost halfway through his State of the Union in January. Also, if you take a stand that "family should be left out of politics" than it goes both ways Gov. Palin. You open that door, it's mighty hard to shut. I (a son of a politican of all people) believe the children of politicians should be kept at arms length - UNLESS they are raised as an example to look at (i.e. my son is in the infantry.) This now subjects him to unbearable scrutiny in his records, his performance...not to mention confirmation that his deployment date is 11-Sept. If it's not, she MUST BE BLASTED. They certainly didn't vet the VP candidate, I doubt the speechwriter double-checked his facts. Crystal Ball prediction: It will be the wrong date. They will respond by saying "it is the 'week of' 11-September."

My nephew Kasey also enlisted, and serves on a carrier in the Persian Gulf...And children with special needs inspire a special love. To the families of special-needs children all across this country, I have a message: For years, you sought to make America a more welcoming place for your sons and daughters. I pledge to you that if we are elected, you will have a friend and advocate in the White House. Todd is a story all by himself.

Even if it means higher expenditures and larger government in which to bring it to fruition? What about stem-cell research that could possibly make your son's life richer and easier? What about multi-language educational programs for families dealing with these issues - left helpless through an "English-only" mandate from the highest office? Advocate all you want, but you've got some serious choices to make madame. Party or the people? My guess, it's party platform.

(Referring to her husband) He's a lifelong commercial fisherman ... a production operator in the oil fields of Alaska's North Slope ... a proud member of the United Steel Workers' Union ... and world champion snow machine racer. Throw in his Yup'ik Eskimo ancestry, and it all makes for quite a package. We met in high school, and two decades and five children later he's still my guy. My Mom and Dad both worked at the elementary school in our small town.

Wow - the love you have for your family is incredible. Do you know how much hell you just brought down on them throwing out all these honestly un-remarkable 'facts?' Obviously you weren't vetted properly by the Republican Party - welcome to the Fourth Estate vetting process.

I was just your average hockey mom, and signed up for the PTA because I wanted to make my kids' public education better.

See my first comments. I do have to say I chuckled when you joked that the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is lipstick! I think you might want to look at a different shade because I'm not sure I could tell the difference tonight. Either that, or I jumped to conclusion that pit bulls in Alaska are required to wear lip stick. (Okay, that was below the belt and low, but it was just begging to be said! - Sue me!)

The right reason is to challenge the status quo, to serve the common good, and to leave this nation better than we found it.

A monkey could sit in the Oval Office, randomly push buttons and make this country better than it was eight years ago. Oh wait, I might have to change my opinion, Governor, you might just be qualified!

I came to office promising major ethics reform, to end the culture of self-dealing. And today, that ethics reform is the law.

Could these be the very same laws that you are under investigation for breeching? I'm just sayin'

While I was at it, I got rid of a few things in the governor's office that I didn't believe our citizens should have to pay for. That luxury jet was over the top. I put it on eBay. I also drive myself to work. And I thought we could muddle through without the governor's personal chef -- although I've got to admit that sometimes my kids sure miss her.

Wow - so flying that enormous state of yours must be easier and cheaper flying commercial? And the flight schedules work for your constituents? I had a buddy who worked in your vast, beautiful state and I remember him clearly talking about the troubles with air travel and getting around the state. Maybe your own, personal pontoon boat will be easy and cheaper. I mean, the "visual" of a luxury jet is a nice sound bite, but really, a Westwind II jet is hardly a luxury jet. Oh, and I guess you must have forgotten that it was used to transport prisoners and for other duties of the state. But, I will give you credit - you followed through on a campaign promise - that's always a good, and rare, thing. As for the personal chef - you don't still have his/her number do you?

Oh, and I did some checking. I see that Alaska experiences the same "squish factor" that we here in Canada do. Maps of our great lands always seem to be smaller than the US and are squished to "fit on the page." (Gawd knows we couldn't cut Texas or Florida down a bit.) I did find out that if you put a scale map of Alaska over a scaled map of the lower 48-states, Alaska would reach from coast to coast! Wow.

And despite fierce opposition from oil company lobbyists, who kind of liked things the way they were, we broke their monopoly on power and resources. As governor, I insisted on competition and basic fairness to end their control of our state and return it to the people. I fought to bring about the largest private-sector infrastructure project in North American history. And when that deal was struck, we began a nearly forty billion dollar natural gas pipeline to help lead America to energy independence.

I don't know where to start. Ending monopolies isn't a bad thing, but don't hide behind the curtain of anti-establishment, anti-corporate leader. You know damn well the lobbyists didn't fight this - ONE did, the company who held the monopoly. Meanwhile, many others (I'm guessing) contributed to your campaigns (or maybe paid for a personal chef) because non-monopolies will at the very least double the number of companies getting public funding. Win one for the corporations. And don't think that standing on the liberal "keep the corporations down" box, behind your back, you were giving hand signals, you handed 40-billion (with a B) dollar project to a single company - boasting that it's the largest in North American history. Bravo Gov. Palin, you are a politigician of the top ranks. Oh, and the company that lost the monopoly? Is wasn't the one that got this pipeline contract by any chance? I don't know, I'm just guessing.

And families cannot throw away more and more of their paychecks on gas and heating oil.

And the money to pay for your 40-billion dollar, star on your paper project is coming from? I guess buying Super Lotto tickets could work. Can't rely on fuel tax revenue since you eliminated that and we all know, there isn't an income tax in your state. You may have me on cutting that personal chef - damn, I need to ask whitr why the hell he bitches about not having enough money for food, health care, fuel and other basic necessities. He's been hiding the fact that personal chefs are racking in the dough! (You know I love ya, Whit, right? - Can I borrow $50,000?) ;-)

With Russia wanting to control a vital pipeline in the Caucasus, and to divide and intimidate our European allies by using energy as a weapon, we cannot leave ourselves at the mercy of foreign suppliers. To confront the threat that Iran might seek to cut off nearly a fifth of world energy supplies ... or that terrorists might strike again at the Abqaiq facility in Saudi Arabia ... or that Venezuela might shut off its oil deliveries ... we Americans need to produce more of our own oil and gas. And take it from a gal who knows the North Slope of Alaska: we've got lots of both.

You seem to like "cheap and easy" (not counting your daughter - doh, I'm sorry that was uncalled for - you never mentioned any more than her name so I guess under my rules she's still hands-off. Oh, and that guy on stage. Was that your son or the father of your...er...your daughter's baby? I know he has fresh breath because he was CHEWING GUM the whole damn time. Guess that Catholic education didn't include a yard-stick slap on the hand for chewing gum in class. But, I digress....

Wanna solve the problem of Russia, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela (and many more countries you failed to mention) threatening us? Then let's start by stop pissing them off. No wars - no "economic" incentives to their opponents - no preferential treatment to other countries and no superiority attitude or dictates about how to run your country is a most excellent start. Oh, wait, your idea is to build more oil pipelines and drill wells in one of our (last) pristine natural resources? If you're holding this premise, would you be amenable to giving drugs to addicts since you're advocating continuing feeding addicts their juice?

Starting in January, in a McCain-Palin administration, we're going to lay more pipelines ... build more new-clear plants ... create jobs with clean coal ... and move forward on solar, wind, geothermal and other alternative sources.

"New-clear" - is that your speechwriter trying to make sure you say "nuclear" correctly? I'm wondering if maybe your speeches were mixed up with the (thank the gods and anything else) soon-to-be former President Bush. Or maybe it was "nearly-clean" - is that like "almost pregnant?"

We've all heard his dramatic speeches before devoted followers.

I'll go with Sen. Obama's devoted followers than your brainwashed, lemming automatons that actually cheered you on, lifted signs emblazoned with your name, listened to the right-wing, arrogant "allegedly" Christian leaders say to leave your personal situation alone (and then in the next breath condemn mine as if it was triggering the end of the world more than the actions of their President over the last four years) and not only nominate you for the office of Vice President of the United States, but they smiles, cheered and BELIEVE you are the best choice. This isn't a convention of delegates, it's a convention of idiots.

This is a man who can give an entire speech about the wars America is fighting, and never use the word "victory" except when he's talking about his own campaign.

Victory = win. Victory = as few deaths as possible to achieving a peaceful resolution.

Where exactly would you have liked him to input this word? It was already taken for the gigantic banner hung on the aircraft carrier that the President "landed" his fighter jet on. As we later discovered thanks to that, how did you refer to them? Oh, it was Gov. Mike Huckabee's speech that he referred to the "elite" media by saying "The reporting of the past few days has proven tackier than a costume change at a Madonna concert." Girl, you did NOT just attack our Diva! You're not worth the energy, so I'll leave that (for now.) Where was I - oh, President Bush, aircraft, lying. That elite media soon discovered that the guy you voted into office did not actually land the plane, but "assisted a pilot" and that the sign was a bit premature in declaring 'victory." He used plenty of the right words - failure, disappointment, errors. Save victory for when it's vital - a Democratic win in November. You Republicans have monopolized that word long enough - and just like the country, have obliterated it to nothing. You're anti-monopoly, right. Give it up.

Victory in Iraq is finally in sight ... he wants to forfeit

Really? Who says so? Your magic 8-Ball that I just guess might be on your executive desk somewhere - next to the mayo and lunch meat to make your kid's lunches now?

Terrorist states are seeking new-clear weapons without delay ... he wants to meet them without preconditions.

Damn teleprompter mixing up your speeches again! You really should have that checked out. I already know the President of the United States can't speak, but the Governor of a US State - granted it's the 4th smallest ranked 47th by population with roughly 650,000 people.)

Al-Qaida terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America ... he's worried that someone won't read them their rights? Government is too big ... he wants to grow it.

I'm surprised you invoked "9-11" well before "terrorist" and "Al-Qaida." Last I checked, Miranda Rights are a Constitutional right. The US Constitution - you remember it right? I want a Commander in Chief (and all those under him and/or even close to that chair to remember that part of the oath of office "to defend and protect the Constitution..." not toss it aside if it isn't convenient to them. And as for "Government being too big? You do realize that the US government is the largest its ever been under your leader President Bush than ever before. Maybe if the Dept. of Homeland Security wasn't a necessity, but we all know that's not Mr. Bush's fault, it's Al-Qaida.

Taxes are too high ... he wants to raise them. His tax increases are the fine print in his economic plan, and let me be specific.

And like your 40-billion dollar boondoggle in Alaska, how do you envision the US paying down the enormous deficit this current administration has saddled the US with after being handed a surplus? Oh, I guess lotto tickets could work. No, wait, tax breaks for the rich? No, wait, that reduces revenue. Huummm...you might want to think this through a bit longer than the party did when they picked you as the nominee for this office.

OMG, it's already 3am and I need to be up in about 4 hours and I'm not even through half her speech. My stomach aches - I am so fired up, I'm not sure I can sleep, but I'm beat, so I will. I just hope this nightmare scenario of this woman and the Republican-same being handed (or stealing or whatever) another term in the White House. I am scared. Another four years will be the end of the US as we know it. What is even more scary, that nightmare I envision is those of us here in Canada as helicopters hovering over a hotel called the US of A and we only have room for a few others. The nightmare is even worse - because Canada has suspended accepting applications.

I so need a nightmare-free sleep.

Being a native son of oxygen-deprived, granola-snarfin, watery beer-makin, mountain bike ridin’, Camel-back toting, Patagonia wearing, NORAD adjacent, rectangular-state bordered, John Hickenlooper-mayored high-mile cesspool* that is Denver, I have to admit, I am feeling the pangs of homesickness this week. It's going to be very tough watching all the Democratic Convention coverage and not wish I could be there for it all. I barely remember the one held back in 1908 - I was just a kid back then.




Do me proud Denver. I miss you more than...

...a Pete's Kitchen breakfast burrito. (I hear Johnny Depp was there Saturday!)
...the chicharrones burritos at Los Delicias.
...clove cigarettes at Paris on the Platte
...an afternoon Rockies ballgame at LoDo Baseball Park
...Sunday softball games with dear friends
...dragging visiting friends to, wait for it, Taste The Magic of Mexico!
...pounding back more beer in five hours than is produced in a day at the Budweiser brewery in Fort Collins at The Wrangler Beer Busts! (P.S. all for just $7 USD.)
...finding a street box Wednesday night with the new Westword. Bonus if it was the "Best of Denver" Triple word bonus if you're truly makes that issue!
...the infamous tailgate parties
...listening to ever-present sounds of mariachis and other Mexican music echoing through our neighbourhood.

Ok, I've got to stop - this isn't helping the homesickness. Maybe a Chipotle carnitas burrito bowl will help.

*(Non-Canadian visitors will need to search the Comedy Central website for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart show for 14-August at the very end when Jon throws it to Stephen Colbert to tease his show.)

This weekend, Nick and I touched the inside walls of Parliament. We stood at the door of the Prime Minister, the Speaker of the House of Commons and the Canadian Senate. I walked the grounds surrounded my memorials to Pearson, Laurier and MacKenzie - the founders of Canada with a core belief of Peace, Order and Good Government. We peered into the room that created ten $1,000,000 coins and stood tall and proud at the base of the tallest building in this nation's capital city listening to bells toll quarterly - a building revered and honoured with the name "Peace Tower."

But, just across Sussex Ave., metre-thick concrete barriers, ever-focusing security cameras, iron fences, steel pylons, blast shields and automatic rifle-armed and flak-jacketed guards keep a US citizen away from the embassy of his birth country. The cold, gray, steel bunker-looking building flying the red, white and blue Stars and Stripes doesn't symbolize the home of the free and the land of the brave, the purple mountain majesty, the fruited plains, or the seat of justice, acceptance and freedom. It stands as a monument of death and despair, lies, deceit, greed, contempt and suspicion.

My head fell in shame as Nick and I walked around the US Embassy in Ottawa this weekend. We spoke in whispered tones knowing without a doubt that our conversations were being monitored and that our photographs had already been taken and compared to a database identifying us as US citizens now "living abroad" as immigrants in Canada currently residing at 123 Leslieville Street, Toronto. Even now, as I write these words, tears are welling in my eyes because I hurt deep inside. What happened to my country? What happened to the country that I used to stand proudly for every minute of every day?

Every time I post an entry like this the "why must you always put down the US" or "Why can't you ever say anything nice about the US" comments come my way. I wish those making those comments would truly undertstand that I wish with my whole heart that I didn't have to share these feelings or observations at all. The love and adoration of a country is not a competiton of who's country is bigger, better, smarter, safer or kinder. I used to wonder if all my negative posts about the US were in fact biased or tainted or mean-spirited, but it just dawned on me tonight:

The day I (and countless others) stop complaining or sharing our disgust with what the US has become is the day my birth country will certainly die.

I stumbled on this video today while working on a project here at work. (YES, I get paid to surf the Net including YouTube damnit!) :-) Enjoy

I'm back home now after spending the weekend (Fri-Sun) in Montreal. It was my company's "take some clients as a thank you for your business" annual trek to the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. It was a busy-busy, non-stop flurry of activity weekend with my limited free time basically spent catching up on sleep in a $200-a-night hotel room.

Just so it will show up on his "Google Alert" I need to mention how much I enjoyed the Mike Birbiglia - Sleepwalk With Me</a> show. The show was not only very funny, but touched on many elements that also happened in my life (not the sleepwalking, night terrors, jumping out of windows or sex with a uneven-tits waitress in the back of a station wagon parts, but nevertheless.) If Mike shows up in your town, it's worth the $5 to check him out.

One of the highlights of these trips is getting to know some of our clients much better as well as the people I work with every day. It's amazing what an expense account, booze and visiting another Province will do for greasing the wheels when it comes to this highlight. Last night, the topic of Nick's and my picking up our lives and immigrating to Canada surfaced. I shared the standard storeys that always come up "How Are You Getting Your Furniture Across the Ocean," "You Can Speak Uh-merry-kahn and Not French?" and "What Do You Mean You Can't Just Use American Money?" And the guaranteed Canadian questions like "Why in The Hell Did You Come HERE?" and "You Really Had A Gun In Your House - and BULLETS?!" But, believe it or not even after nearly two years here, I got zinged with a first-of-it's-kind question from one of the client last night:

"If you could name one thing that is the best thing about immigrating to Canada, what would it be?"

Despite having just downed a couple of Rev Energy Drinks, a Passion Fruit Martini and sipping on the second, I had to stop and pause and think about that answer. It took me a couple of minutes to let it sink in, but I was able to find that answer amongst the dozens that were bouncing around in my noggin.

"The humanity of Canada."

I then explained to the person asking that question and those gathered around that it's nearly impossible to describe the overwhelming feelings of peace and calmness that Nick and I are experiencing as well as the intense sense of satisfaction that priorities for our government and nearly every Canadian focuses on the betterment of humankind - be it guaranteed access to equal and quality healthcare, protection of the environment or focusing on families vs. misguided religious-based morality. Moments like these make me swell with pride about being a new Canadian, especially when one of my colleagues frequently makes the comment "I just love how he embraces our Canadian culture."

Me too, Jane. Me too!

Late this afternoon I found out that yet another dear friend in Denver has passed away. Once again, the pains of not being there in Denver begin to rise to the surface. These pains I feel are not a yearning to be back in Denver or regret that Nick and I have come to Canada and Toronto to start a new chapter in our lives - they are pains of not being able to be there with my friends during a time of sadness and retrospect. Mikey's Dad's death - Gus Mircos' passing - and now the death of a mentor, a maverick and a friend, Wayne Jakino. As I sat on my computer chatting with another friend who gave me the news, the images, sounds and storeys about Wayne came flooding back and I couldn't help but wish I could swing by Charlies on Colfax, sit at the bar with my cocktail and remember those days when he'd pop out of his office, pull up a seat next to me and catch up.

Wayne Jakino
A While Ago ;-) - July 16, 2008
The storeys about Wayne could fill this journal and as every word is being written, I can hear him slink further and further back into his office hiding into the corner. Wayne's tireless efforts on behalf of the GLBT community, neighbourhoods, the city we both loved with all our hearts and anyone who needed a hand up were legendary and well known, but never done for recognition or attention. I first met Wayne shortly after I "came out" back in the late 80's. Wayne owned the country-western bar in Denver called Charlies. This bar was very special to me because before it became the new home of Charlies, it was a popular restaurant for Denver politicians and movers and shakers. My Dad and I would go to Emerson Street East all the time.
Wayne was one of the first to step forward and help a brand new organization get off the ground - Denver's gay softball league. From his founding of gay rodeo, to the dart league, drag shows and charity events, Charlies and Wayne were always there.

When I made the bold step to come out publicly, he was there as a supporter and mentor. When I made the decision to run for Denver City Council, while his support was for another candidate, he was still there with encouragement and respect. Wayne and I also had a common love of announcing - his in the booth of rodeos all across North America. Wayne always knew we'd never have to compete in that arena - my intense allergies to horses, dander and pretty much everything connected to rodeos kept me sidelined, but in reality there would be no competition. No one did it better than Wayne.

Despite the ravages of Cancer, I'm told he never lost that Wayne spirit. A spirit I hope lives on in the tens of thousands of lives he touched, including mine.

If I still had my cowboy hat and boots, I'd wear them in your honour my friend. Today, it will just have to by my Charlies softball uniform and hat and I will toast a gin and tonic in your honour (gawd, did he ever make them S.T.R.O.N.G!) Be well my friend - you are at peace now. We shall cross paths once again in another lifetime I'm sure.

I found this on my friend Alan's website today:


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

I especially enjoyed the point at 2:00 in the video! ;-) (Sorry Jer!)

As I was re-reading the Declaration of Independence a few days ago, some eery similarities surfaced. Let's take a look, shall we? These are the reasons given for the colonies wish to succeed from British rule - reasons considered treasonous and which lead to war and the eventual beginning of the United States of America. As you read these paragraphs, I ask you to think in your own terms and situations, how President George Bush is no different than the tyrannical King that compelled people to risk their lives in order to free themselves from his control. Why is it today that we allow this man (and quite frankly nearly every politician) to do nearly the exact same thing, and yet people shrug their shoulders as they are led down a path that is leading to the destruction of a country and the foundation on which it began?

After each paragraph, I have added a link to a news storey or more information which in my opinion gives a link between what was said and the current administration. Quite frankly, after a dozen or so I grew weary, but maybe those of you reading here today can add your own references in the comment section.

FROM THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

Time Magazine Article
US Today

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

New York Times

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

Washington Post

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

National (US) Public Radio

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

Washington Post

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

Boston Globe

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

Associated Press

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

ABC News

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Two-hundred and thirty-two years ago on this date, a brave group of men, representing the settlers of the British Colonies in America, armed with intelligence, bravery, a vision of freedom and equality and a single piece of parchment and a quill, declared that they had had enough of a tyrannical King ruling over them and would secede to become an independent and separate country. This act of treason declared to create The Free and Independent States - my birth country - the land that I love and cherish today. Yes, I do love and cherish The United States of America.

Nick's and my move to Canada has stirred more emotions than I ever thought were possible. From anger and sadness to joy and peace. It's solidified deep morals and beliefs and it's caused others to crumble under the weight of enlightenment and wisdom. But, one thing that it has done more than anything, I believe, is call into question our loyalty, respect, love and appreciation for our birth country. I can understand how some may feel this way, how many can carry with them a disdain for what they perceive as a slap in the face of something that has been my protector and home for over 40 years. I can respect those feelings and do my best to understand the motivation for them, but I can not and will not accept or agree with them.

I don't want to cloud or take away from today's celebrations south of the border by going into my disappointment and disdain for what has happened to the land of my birth - things that are in direct opposition to it's foundation - so despite having to work and live life as we do everyday here in Canada, in my heart and head, I am celebrating the beginning of a nation and the ideals and foundation on which it began, with the hope that everyone never forget them as well:

"...assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind...We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

HAPPY
INDEPENDENCE
DAY!

In the nearly 20 years (OMG I can't believe it's been that many!) that I have been attending Pride events I think I've learned alot, grown alot, cried alot and generally matured alot. But, there's one thing I usually don't do is remember alot - mostly the traps and tribulations that come with this annual event.

This year will be different. This is The Mason ver. 2.0. and I think there are a few basic rules that should be put into place during Pride.

1) The plan for Pride should be "make NO plans!" Invariably, something happens to detrail even the most organized. The GLBTQ____(I know I'm forgetting some letters in there) community is known for festering and nurturing Drama (capital D) so why do we avoid in, ignore it and generally plead ignorance when faced by it. Pride is one gigantic magnifying glass on the community - unfortunately, like ants, that can be a good or bad thing.

This year I have pledged to make no specific, time-date-based plans. Nick and I established strong, reasonable and attainable benchmarks to hit. For instance, we will be spending Sunday together, but leading up to it we are free to go do our own thing since we each have different likes and dislikes. We just ask that we check in with each other as frequently as we feel necessary and reasonable and generally don't do anything that will get us arrested, featured on the nightly news (in a negative way) or bring harm to friends or family or our home.

I'm hoping that friends will embrace this as well. Especially during Pride, everyone is pulled in so many directions by friends, family, desires, wants and wishes. I think it's smart to not commit yourself to anything at any set time or day unless absolutely necessary or someone else's well-being depends on you.

I'll use last night as an example. The AIDS Vigil. This is something I have made a point to never miss at whatever Pride celebration I attend (if possible.) It started at 9pm. I got there at 9:45p in typical MST (Mason Standard Time.) It was refreshing to keep things open - saying I am "planning" to attend...."planning to be there at nine" rather than use firm commitments "I WILL be...." Shit happened. Delays were unavoidable. Had friends been waiting for me and held themselves up, or whatever, it would have created tension and disappointment and then no one enjoys this weekend of celebrating our lives. So, to make sure we don't lose focus and forget that this is a celebration of our lives and affirmation that we are wonderful people, not to be subjected to discrimination, bias or dishonour and that we all relax and enjoy this time, I present to you my Pride Rules:

1) I will not commit to being somewhere, attending something, meeting you, etc. unless there is a reasonable and quantifiable reason, (i.e. if I have to hand you a ticket to an event, get a ride home, bail you out of jail.)
2) I will give you a general outline of what I would like to do/accomplish/visit during Pride with the understanding that if we happen to be at the same place, at the same time I most certainly will experience it with you, but I seriously need you to not get upset if I don't make it for ANY reason (from the trick lost the key to the handcuffs to i was so drunk I puked on a police officer and landed in jail.)
3) I will keep my cell phone handy, charged and available at all times (within reason - it ain't coming into the hot tub, steam room, shower, lube dunk tank or other areas that are inappropriate. But, I promise to check it before and immediately after going into those areas/situations.
4) I will check in with my loved one at the very least every 3-4 hours via text message, phone call, email or smoke signal if I have to. These could be as short as "All's good in The Masonland." to as long and detailed as the "receiving party" requests. For example, if Nick calls and Lena Love is 15-seconds away from being double-fisted while Manny Lehman mixes an thumping house beat during a performance art show, I can either not answer, but call back within 10 minutes or answer saying not now, give me (...5, 10 minutes.) No more than 15 minutes is acceptable.
5) For those with a significant other, we promise to always keep them first and foremost in our minds as we make decisions. We also will regularly make sure they know that through loving text messages, notes, email, phone calls, hugs, kisses, hand-holding....
6) When friends don't show up, miss events, are late, have a trick that won't go away or just generally are being annoying we won't take it personally, judge them or ridicule them. It's their life, we all make mistakes or hit home runs, but it's theirs to stand proud or slink low like a morning after walk of shame. Key word here is ANNOYING.
7) Rule #6 is suspended permanently if the other's actions put you in physical, legal or emotional danger. Key word here is DANGER.
8) Pledge to stand proud...
...don't hide
...help a newbie (they are as easy to spot as a red wine spill on white carpet
...hold someone's hair as they puke out that 9th Rev
...take them somewhere cool and calm if they slide into a K hole
...don't judge someone
...acknowledge and respect a drag queen
...find the PFLAG booth or parade contingent and hug as many of them as you can saying one thing as you look them in the eyes: thank you.
...talk to the older amongst the crowds, their (our) wisdom is invaluable and yet free
...don't mock the twinks or bears or bull dykes or goths or sketchers or religious zelots telling us "god hates fags." In reality, they have more guts and honour because they are out and loud and firm in what they believe, even if they are something we can't accept.
...look around and spot the couples holding hands, the ones stroking each other's hair, touching a cheek, kissing foreheads, wearing matching shirts...these are reminders to us to make sure we don't forget to do the same
...donate to the organization. In Toronto, drop a toonie or two - if everyone attendee did that, it would be paid for without sponsors or even better, that money could go to domestic, drug or sexual abuse programs, AIDS/HIV research, homeless or any of the other social problems that effect not only our community, but every human on this planet.
...recycle.
...live the rules of the wilderness and campsites: leave a trick, partner, bathhouse buddy, virgin, sluttybottompig or whomever you play with better than they were when you met them.

HAPPY PRIDE MY FRIENDS - SEE YOU OUT AND ABOUT (just don't ask what time or where!)
***HUGS***

From the ever so "Status-Queen" technocowboy herself...

* Post 3 things you've done in your lifetime that you don't think anybody else on your friends list has done.
* See if anybody else responds with "I've done that." If they have, you need to add another! (2.b., 2.c., etc...)
* Have your friends cut & paste this into their journal to see what unique things they've done in their life.


1) Reported from Saudi Arabia for nearly a month in October of 1990 as a journalist covering "Operation Desert Shield" (The Bush I pre-war party that became "Operation Desert Storm.") I've always held this time as one of the most life-changing and mind-opening experiences of my life.

1b) Scooped all the major international news networks by spending a day in the desert with a Bedouin tribe family (something extremely rare because they prefer no contact with Westerners and even better that this press pool from Denver, CO scooped CNN, ABC, NBC, BBC, Sky...after all of them had sent in requests for this months before. The looks of disgust we got when we got back to the JIB (joint information bureau) was priceless!
1c) Not only did all the above happen, but after watching our Saudi Ministry of Information translator and guide start walking around very animated shouting "Allahu Akbar" and "this is our lucky day!" the head of the tribe picked out one of the finest lambs from his herd and sacrificed it in traditional Muslim fashion by holding its neck towards Mecca as he cut its throat quickly and humanely. His wives (yes, plural) and daughters prepared a lavish meal for us served under his tent in the middle of the Saudi Arabian desert.

2) Was present during the full autopsy of a man (Links to a link of a graphic autopsy video) during my senior year (grade 12) of high school. I will never forget the 10 minutes or so that it took for me to get the room to stop spinning and trying not to pass out from the incredible odor that emanated when the first "Y" incision was made. Also can't erase the memory of the sound of skin being pulled away from the skull (think Velcro,) watching the technician squeeze everything out of every inch of intestines, him removing the small pituitary gland from the brain so it could be sold to a company that makes growth hormone shots for little people or that after removing and dissecting every organ in the body, pours it all into a black plastic garbage bag, ties it off and leaves it in the chest cavity. There were four of us at this and we all went to a park, and played on a swing set for at least a couple of hours decompressing after it.

3) There are so many more to choose from - I've been fortunate to have had (and still have actually) an incredibly fruitful life with lots of unique experiences, including:

a) Rode in a helicopter for five hours a day (2 1/2 in morning/2 1/2 in afternoon) as a traffic reporter. Did the same in a fixed-wing Cessna, too)
b) Was a reporter covering two major airline crashes during my career: Continential Flight 1713 and United Flight 585. Something missing in the Wiki article - on board in cargo was a coffin holding the remains of a man who was being transported home. I have been uneasy flying in any Boeing 737 since covering this storey because for a long time, the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) could not determine the cause of the crash (something very, very rare.) It has since been blamed (after a second crash of a similar airline) on a faulty rudder mechanism.
c) I'm the son of a career politician.
d) I have been a major league sports stadium public address announcer.
e) I am a proud 5th generation Colorado native.
f) I am legally married to my soulmate, partner and best friend.
g) I ran for public office.
h) I was the first major US broadcaster to publicly disclose my homosexuality.
i) I hosted public television pledge drives for over 15 years.
j) I have a letter of reprimand on file for everyone of my professional career jobs (present position not included...yet.) :-)
k) I used to have a sunken chest until Pectus excavatum surgery when I was a freshman in high school (Grade 9.)

Okay - that's enough for now.

Fuck, this is one of the saddest storeys to read today. As I was taking a shit and piss this morning, I heard some cunt on the television tell me that George Carlin had gone tits up this weekend. It certainly made this cocksucker sad on the first day of Pride.

This year Mr. C., I march with Pride in your honour - I think I have to find a new shirt to wear. I wonder what it would say?

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why I have slipped so far away from posting here on Live Journal recently. Sure I've been crazy busy with home projects, work and life, but journaling has always been very therapeutic for me and, without sounding too pompous, I believe I have a gift when it comes to writing.

The other day I had what I can only describe as one of the most unsettling days of my life. Issues at work had me so emotional and angry, I sat in the cafeteria and shook for nearly 20-minutes before I could calm down. I snapped in the middle of a phone call with Nick while walking to the bus completely unleashing on him a torrent of loud, expressive anger and hostility - not directed AT him, but rather at an ear that just happened to be on the other end of that call. (Coming home an hour later to find him there with a warm hug and a tank full of empathy instead armored up ready for conflict was one of the most loving and incredibly touching and life-changing moments of my life, but more on that later.)

During that night's commute home, I felt an incredible urge to start downloading the many thoughts that were pounding away at the inside of my skull so I took out my Crackberry and what must have looked like a tweaked-out, schizoid manic, I feverishly pecked out nearly three pages of explosive writing with my two thumbs that as of right now still sits in the "draft" section of my mobile email. I keep debating posting it here on Live Journal - just this internal debate adds to the symphony of thoughts that play in my head - the questions of post or not to post, make it for my eyes only or could others benefit from sharing it. For the most part, I never post items here or anywhere else for reaction, I genuinely believe that others going through the same consternations and struggles might see a glimmer of hope or understanding come from me sharing my experiences. Sometimes it might be an answer, other times it may just be confirmation that you're not alone.

I have found myself being a sounding board for many friends recently. From helping a buddy after the death of someone he loved to those ever-present relationship issues. There has been that saying that goes "those that can't do, teach" or "those that can't do, become consultants" or something along those lines. (My apologies to teachers and consultants - I didn't say I agree, I am just using it for reference.) For some reason, I seem to have the knack for helping others see things they may be missing when it comes to issues in their life. I've done a pretty good job helping friends (at least I hope I have) and it's something I've been very thankful and happy to do. In many ways, just helping them has in turn helped me see things clearer as well.

For the last decade or so, I have contemplated writing a book - the topic changing from day to day. I've thought about writing about my experience coming out publicly (working title: "This Just In - I'm Gay!") to growing up in the family I did (working title: "Get the Fuck Out As Soon As You Can!" Nick and I have discussed putting our blog about immigrating to Canada in book form just as our friends have done. Hell, I've even been approached to write a book about my success as the perfect, sexual dynamo (working title: "The Wicked, Wild Ways of The Mason,") but I digress.

This morning as I was making my way to work during my regular commute, as I was getting off the SRT (Scarborough Rapid Transit or the other affectionate nickname SRC - Scarborough Roller Coaster) the title for yet another book in the making popped into my head. So, who knows what the future may bring? Maybe someday amongst the self-help tomes, the coming out biographies or collection of witty musings and tales written by yours truly, there might just be one with the title: "Accidental Therapist."

I just found out that a dear friend and former radio colleague of mine back in Colorado GUS MIRCOS died on Sunday. He had been battling thyroid cancer which led to damage of his trademark vocal chords and spread recently to his lungs.

My last conversation with him was right before we left for Canada - and of course it involved him giving me shit about running for the border - in a way only Gus could do - heaping on a ton of guilt and harassment all with an undercurrent of support and love. I first met Gus back in 1987 when I started at KOA Radio. I was a very green newbie taking the job as the morning writer for Colorado's Morning News with Gus at the helm as the host. Beyond landing this job at one of the largest and most respected news radio stations in the country, at the age of 23 and before I even finished University was intimidating enough, but then to mix in Mircos, I'm surprised I even made it through that first week. But as the weeks and months and years and even decades passed by, the layers of Gus would peel away like an onion to reveal the core of this man that so many loved and adored.

Gus and I parted ways in 1992 when I left KOA, but we were reunited when we hired him as a host at another, competing station that I was running. Imagine Mr. Grumpy Greek's reaction when he found out that I had fallen in love with one myself. In typical Mircos fashion, within minutes of meeting Nick, he bonded instantly with his fellow ancestral brother. Nick found a feature piece that another of our former colleagues Jerry Bell put together about Gus. It was great to hear many of those we worked with remember Gus - several of the same memories I have of the man. There are so many that it would take months to list them all, but one that far surpasses them all is another trademark of my friend. In fact, as I sit here I can hear it as clear as if he was here with me in this room right now.

Without exception, if anyone would ask him "how are you doing, Gus?" his response would always be "shitty."

Tonight my friend, unfortunately I have to echo your response. Myrna, Dean, Margo, Kari, Nicolle and "Little Gus" (even though you're far from little anymore) and the entire Mircos family, I am so sorry for your loss. All of our lives are better today for having Gus be a part of it.

Until our paths cross again in the next round, be well my friend.


Gus Mircos
Jan. 7, 1938 - May 11, 2008

NEWS COVERAGE OF GUS'S DEATH:
Denver Post
Rocky Mountain News
Denver Post (2nd)
Westword

Love is lovelier, the second time around
Just as wonderful, with both feet on the ground
Its that second time you hear your love song sung
Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young

Loves more comfortable the second time you fall
Like a friendly home the second time you call
Who can say, what brought us to this miracle weve found

There are those whod bet
Love comes but once - and yet
Im oh so glad we met
The second time around

Frank Sinatra made that song famous and the title kept popping into my head today as on Nick's and my twelfth anniversary of being together and the fifth anniversary of our commitment ceremony we got legally married here at Toronto's City Hall. The emotions were high (and a little unexpected for me.) I have always respected and appreciated the importance and seriousness of getting married - for us, the commitment ceremony was everything, but legal recognition. Today - as everyone involved from the reception clerk to the officiant, no one blinked an eye that two men are in the officially sanctioned government marriage area. This simple gesture along with being able to profess my love for and to Nick was intense and beautiful.

Nick didn't get one line into his vows to me before my tears started to flow. I didn't think I was going to make it through his, but with a few moments of pause to collect myself, I did. I'm a married man. Wow. More importantly though, is Nick is the one.

Nicholas – my partner – my soulmate – my friend. On this special day with those we consider family and friends and all who watch over us as our guides – I pledged to you five years ago today and renew to you today and forever:

to be honest and trustworthy and do everything in my power to make our lives together whole and good.

I will make you proud to be my partner – excited to be my lover and the man who you know will always be there for you in times that are good and bad - ill and healthy - together or apart by distance.

Five years ago, I pledged to you to not sweat the little things….like leaving the mailbox top open or not replacing the toilet paper roll or squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle or taking the last parking spot in front of the house and those other times when being a poopiehead!

A lot has changed in five years - now it’s the toilet seat you leave up –you never replace the milk bag – you have your own organic, free-range whatever toothpaste so you can squeeze that where ever you want and as for parking the car...where you want because I have the Red Rocket. But, If there’s one thing I’ve learned in these 12 years with you is that being a poopiehead is just a part of who you are and one of the many things that make you unique, beautiful and authentic.

Nicholas - I love you unconditionally and without hesitation.
I trust you with my whole heart and soul. I am honored that I am yours - and you are mine - in this life and those that may follow.

For these reasons and so much more, I’ve done my very best to fulfill these vows I made to you five years ago and I pledge to you that I will continue to cherish the times you make me smile and laugh - yearn and explore – understand and learn (like the fact that our new home has 13 provinces and 3 territories!

Finally, I promise to you that I will be forever by your side when you need someone next to you – in front of you when you need someone to show you the path - and behind you when your leading the way.