Crystals, Candles, and Conservatives

8:51PM - been a long time....

I havent been on here for a long time because of things that have happened...I was under alot of stress and one evening back in may of 2005 I had to have my cat put to sleep...totally didnt see it coming...I can honestly say that my cat was the only comfort besides my daughter that I had in this life and my Tigger was now gone...and because of a damned blood clot...a fucking blood clot that happened because of a previously undetected heart condition...and I was the one that had to make the decision to have him put down...god...to this day it haunts me and I cry about it...even now almost 2 years later its very hard to deal with it....
after that happened I pretty much broke down myself....didnt eat or sleep for weeks...finally ended up in the emergency room with the er doc calling my primary doc and giving him hell because he wouldnt prescribe anything to help me pull out of the funk I was in....I'm better now but those few months were hell and it took a long time to get myself back...

anyway...I have a myspace page and the address is www.myspace.com/maria32267....im there posting away...

I hope everyone is well and I wish you all much love and best wishes :)

Current mood: contemplative

11:25PM - week of funk

errr....rather this should be called a week of BEING IN a funk...and it isn't just me...it seems that everyone i encounter is having a really weird fucked up week...and they all describe it as being one of those weeks that you just don't want to get out of bed and when you do, it feels like you're sleep walking your day away...it really hasn't been a terrible week...just a really weird feeling sort of few days...

had my hot water heater replaced thursday and was told everything was a-ok...when I got home from work friday I smelled gas and was like WTF...did the soapy water thing and no bubbles...but I still smelled gas so I called the plumber that did it and to my surprise, M came over about the same time...both of those morons ticked me off (M and the plumber) it was like fucking good-ole-boys day down on the farm...both said they did not smell gas (and were cracking jokes) and said that some people were just sensitive to the lingering smell...I was like no f'ing way and got pissed off and threw them BOTH out and called the gas and electric company for this area...they had a guy here within half an hour and SURPRISE!, there WAS a gas leak...stupid flipping morons...the gas dude was able to fix it himself and checked all the pipes and my furnace to make sure everything was ok...when he left I called both of the geniuses and let them know that if I want any more help or opinions regarding work on my house, that I would be sure to call a PROFESSIONAL, and let them do it instead...

Another work weeks starts again tomorrow...yeehaw...I like the work...but if the thruway comes through, (and it might someday because I got sent a form to pick what my choices would be for where I would want to be stationed,) I would go work for them...

The last quarter of school for my daughters 7th grade year starts tomorrow...she is so psyched...she absolutely cannot wait for summer break and she can sleep in until noon or so every day...

Current mood: sleepy

7:10AM - exhausted

Work is good...well...good that I have a job and all...I guess that I'm not used to being on my feet for 8 hours a day...I need to get a good pair of shoes cause mine are gonna make my feet fall off...or at least they feel like they've been sawed off...my tummy is bugging me...I dunno why...probably a combination of nerves, caffeine, and crappy food...

Watched Misery today...love that movie...and the book of course... :) right after it was Pretty In Pink...watched about 10 minutes of it...saw what James Spader looked like back in the day...(woohoo ;) ) and then heard a song that took me back to my old friends and life...what was it called...wouldn't it be good? it's by Nik Kershaw and I just couldn't watch anymore...had to record it to watch after I get back on Z for a few weeks...some things remind me of what I have become and how difficult it is to get back to how I was...what happens after I finally get back ..what if I don't like what I see?

I don't like being depressed...I will/would never do anything stupid to myself or even contemplate it...I hate when people ask me that...even when I have been at my all time lowest I have never wanted to do myself in...just isn't me to even think of it...I'd rather be alive and depressed so I can piss a few people off...anywho...I just have to muddle through the days until I can afford the Z...actually...all I need is the prescription and a letter from a doctor and Pfizer will send a three month supply for free...Pfizer is good that way...they do it for all their drugs...problem is though...my damn doctor doesn't feel *comfortable* prescribing it so *poof*...no prescription...no pills...so that means I have to go to a shrink and listen to how they think this all has to do with my childhood...blah blah blah...they don't want to hear that I am just not happy with myself in general and that is all there is...the shrinks want to make it something complicated and more dark and sinister...when its not...

anyway...otherwise...I think I need to meditate and try to relax...

Current mood: depressed

3:06PM

The Pope has died...even if we are of a different faith or do not believe...we will all mourn a great man...

Current mood: peaceful

11:57PM - woohoo....lol...more silliness

Current mood: awake

9:44AM

My job is working out ok...I didnt get the other job at Excellus but its ok, no prob, I'd have probably had massive anxiety attacks working there because of the pressure...Where I am now, I cant say because I would probably get fired if they knew I talked about them in a blog...and also for things I say..
but I will say that I am working for a rather upscale hotel as a supervisor and the job is great. I'm exhausted at the end of the day but I can leave work at work and not worry at home if things are done, if I could have done more...etc and so on...

I got a letter from the state with the results of the civil exam I took...*chuckle*...I did ok...I got a 95 over all but I am 126 on the eligibility list...kinda sucks but I have people that were in the military probably ahead of me, current state workers that took the test, and handicapped people that took it also...a friend of mine took it too and he got an 85 over all...which is not bad but it put his ranking at 1,458...eek...

My poor kid has been sick...damned sinus infection...has had it for almost a month now...on her second round of antibiotics...different ones of course...shes hanging in there though...needs to rest more but still has alot of school left...too bad she still has 3 months of school to go...

I guess the judges are pleased with themselves...playing God has to make them happy...Terri Schiavo will starve to death unless Jeb Bush storms the hospice with armed men like Bill Clinton did with Elian Gonzales in Miami...All I can say is to pray that her passing comes quick, and sooner instead of later...God will sort out the assholes and what goes around will come around...

Current mood: contemplative

5:35AM - *big breath*

Isn't bigamy a crime? Or being adulterous a violation of sacred wedding vows?

That fuck Michael Schiavo has his cake and eating it (literally) too. He supposedly had his estranged wifes feeding tube pulled out of love...

Does he think of his love for her too when he is in bed with that other woman night after night? Does he scream her name and think of his love for Terri when he has sex with that woman night after night?

Somehow I don't think so...

Direct quote from Larry King Live

Aired October 27, 2003 - 21:00 ET

SCHIAVO: I'm not going to walk away from Terri, because I love her very much. OK? Terri is not an inanimate object where we're going to pass her back and forth. I married her because I love her.

HE LOVES HER VERY MUCH?!?!?! I'd say screwing another woman and having kids is a messed up way of showing love.

KING: True, you have a girlfriend?

SCHIAVO: Yes. And I am very fortunate...

KING: Does it hurt the situation, do you think, as the way the public might look at you?

SCHIAVO: From their side, I'm sure. But you know something? I'm fortunate to have two women in my life that I love very much. My girlfriend right now has done more for Terri than her own mother did. She shopped for her. She washed her clothes.

KING: How do you feel about all this? In your gut, how do you feel? You could have walked away, Michael.

SCHIAVO: I could have. But I love my wife. And I'm going to follow her wish. And nothing's going to stop me.

KING: In fact, if she stayed in that state, let's say, you could get a divorce, couldn't you, easily?

SCHIAVO: I could have.

KING: And marry this girlfriend if you choose to?

SCHIAVO: I could.

He COULD have gotten a divorce...but CHOSE not to...as I have said before and will say it forever and a day...He is a greedy, horny man that wants it all...and because of his lack of compassion and caring...Terri Schiavo is starving to death because he did not divorce her and rescind her care to her parents....

Current mood: nauseated

7:17AM - what goes around will come around

I hope that greedy/adulterous son of a bitch husband has a can of cosmic whoopass opened on him.

That is all...I'm too wound up to comment further at this time.

Current mood: infuriated

9:11PM - Death

That sick fuck down in Florida should die...murder is bad enough but when you prey on a child...utterly despicable...

Current mood: angry

4:42AM - Terri Schiavo case...

I absolutely do not agree with what that judge and that jackass of a husband are doing to that woman.

How could anyone in their right mind agree that starving and dehydrating a woman to death is the humane and right thing to do???? We are afraid in this country to subject death row murderers and common criminals to cruel and unusual punishment, but are sentencing a woman that is breathing on her own to a prolonged drawn out death.

Personally I am for letting a person die with dignity if they are on a respirator and have no brain function. Terri is breathing on her own though. She does not depend on a machine to pump air into her lungs to keep her heart going.

I have compared this case to may similar situations with people I know and have gotten mixed reactions...

1. I know of a person that cannot walk...cannot feed herself...and is dependent on her family for assistance with personal hygiene matters such as bathing...she cannot use the toilet and is forced to have faily members change soiled undergarments. she is absolutely dependent on every one around her...she doesn't seem to be able to comprehend much mentally but she smiles, and reacts to voices...

By now I'm sure that you have figured out I am talking about a baby...my friends 1 year old daughter...I've been criticized for making that comparison but it is a very similar situation...No one in their right mind has the right to starve and dehydrate a person because there is the possibility that they may not function to a maximum mental capacity. There are people every day that are dependent on others to care for their needs, including changing colostomy bags and taking care of feeding tubes.

and 2. I know of someone that is dependent on a wheelchair...he looks as if he is shriveled up and cannot move in any meaningful way. I took this paragraph from his website and I will credit it at it should be.

"Up to 1974, I was able to feed myself, and get in and out of bed. my wife managed to help me, and bring up the children, without outside help. However, things were getting more difficult, so we took to having one of my research students living with us. In return for free accommodation, and a lot of my attention, they helped me get up and go to bed. In 1980, we changed to a system of community and private nurses, who came in for an hour or two in the morning and evening. This lasted until I caught pneumonia in 1985. I had to have a tracheotomy operation. After this, I had to have 24 hour nursing care. This was made possible by grants from several foundations."

This person has a disease which causes the following as it progresses...

"Degeneration of the motor neurones leads to weakness and wasting of muscles. This generally occurs in arms or legs initially, some groups of muscles being affected more than others. Some people may develop weakness and wasting in the muscles supplying the face and throat, causing problems with speech and difficulty chewing and swallowing."

Would any person in their right mind deliberately starve and dehydrate Stephen Hawking? I think not.

http://www.hawking.org.uk/home/hindex.html


I truly believe that the husband is afraid. Afraid of the fact that she will actually live on for years and years and it would drain his precious money. Afraid that she may once again gain, or may even have now, the mental capacity to know what is going on and realize that it was he that wanted to end her life in such a cruel way. He may not get much life insurance money due to medical and lawyer bills but he will get something. All he has to do is get a divorce and he can be done with the situation. Let her family take over for her care.

The US living will registry works in conjunction with a persons doctor. The only way to get on the registry is through your doctor and I thoroughly recommend it. This is a way to guarantee that no one ends up being starved or dehydrated to death by ANYONE.

http://www.uslivingwillregistry.com/

What Is An Advance Directive?

An advance directive allows a person to make their health care choices known in advance of an incapacitating illness. It is a legal document in which you state how you want to be treated in the event you become very ill and there is no reasonable hope for your recovery. Although laws vary from state to state in America, there are basically two kinds of directives:

1. A Living Will is a legal document in which you state the kind of health care you want or don't want under certain circumstances.

2. A Health Care Proxy (or durable health care power of attorney) is a legal document in which you name someone close to you to make decisions about your health care in the event you become incapacitated.

Current mood: aggravated

9:47AM - The squeaky wheel...

*Hallelujah chorus*

Got my daughters report card in the mail today with her revised english/language arts grade...

To put it all in a nutshell...other parents caught wind of my tirade against the principal and also demanded that ALL of the marking periods grades be used to make the final grade for the quarter...they all agreed that it was not fair that the principal, because he had a bone to pick with the teacher he fired, decided that her grades that she had given for half a quarter would NOT count on the report card.

Suz ended up with a 90 :) Not her ultimate best but she writes and thinks way beyond her age so I know it's only a matter of time before she gets well known for her work...I'm not too much of a cheerleader...am I? ;)

Current mood: happy

6:42AM - Adventures in furniture

Weeeeeeeeeeel....since I had the furniture sent back it has been interesting around here...lol...It's been kinda fun actually :) There's nowhere to sit but we have pillows and cushions from the old couch scattered on the floor...

I actually went to another furniture store...and found a sofa, loveseat, and tables http://lanefurniture.com/products/ProdInfoDet1.asp?MasterNo=7987 ....they're special order (nothing elaborate, they just only had a hideous color in stock and I sure as heck didnt want that)...and they wont be here for 4 to 6 weeks...but thats ok...we're doing fine without it...the room looks so much bigger...(like no DUH! it's almost empty except for the tv...lol)

Haven't heard back from Blue Cross Excellus...it would be cool though if I did make it in there...the employees at that place get free medical insurance for themselves and their immediate family...that right there is enough to make me want the job bad...The pay starts at 12 an hour...not mega bucks, but it would pay the bills and would get me a foot in the door...

Current mood: awake

2:27PM - Weight loss journal

I did it...I am starting a weight loss log here on LJ.

My new logs name is: mygoalis130 . If ya want feel free to add me to your friends list and I'll add you right back.

It's for anyone and everyone to comment on and add to who has either lived with the frustration of being overweight or for people who know of someone with the problem.

I'm tired of being sick and tired. If any of you know of anyone that would be interested in what I have to write or say, point em in my direction.....and no...LOL...I will not make political comments at all on the new journal.

Peace and love to everyone :)

Current mood: hopeful

11:38PM

Not much to update on here :) It snowed like a biatch and I had to literally dig out of the house to get to the car lol...
Interview with Excellus Blue Cross tomorrow:)

Current mood: awake

6:37AM - Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

WOOHOO! SHOW!!! Sorry...lol...I like it even though i bitch about it :)

As usual, the people here in Rochester are driving like they have NEVER seen the stuff...either 5 mph or driving really fast and skidding off the streets...I better not see any cars stuck up on my lawn today...my street is a notorious cut through and too many cars drive way too damn fast...

anywho...interview today with Time Warner...:)

Current mood: awake

1:19PM - Joe Biden has predicted the apocalypse!!

"She is likely to be the nominee," Biden said. "She'd be the toughest person and I think Hillary Clinton is able to be elected president of the United States."


AGGGGH!!!! Someone other than her!!!

7:19AM - SO much ka-ka so little time...

To make a long story short...I belong to a forum for Paul Reynolds (a flock of seagulls)...and the idiot that is running it is having a huge problem with the term *free speech*...He just banned a whole lot of nice people for speaking their minds.

A few members had valid issues with the censorship and started their own forum. Some whiny assed bitch complained that things were being said and all hell broke loose on the paul reynolds site.

The main bone of contention was this: If these members had the decency to take their issues to another forum and not post on the paul site, then what is the problem??? They had the decency to let loose on a completely different site and they are being penalized for doing so. And then the posts began on how it is not fair that people can be ragged on for posting potentially controversial things in ANOTHER forum. A *friend with benefits* of Pauls posted on how they "take it very seriously when such things are being said". In a nutshell, she's a controlling wench that has nothing better to do than censor posts that speak the truth. And the thing is that SHE was the one to start calling people names and insulting them personally. Funny though that the person she insulted regarding certain body parts is the ONE woman that Paul propositioned while on tour...let the green monster rear it's head :)

The thread was deleted and she is trying to make it seem all hunky-dory. I guess she didn't plan on a mass e-mailing of all the entries in that thread going to all the board members ;)

To be honest, I'm only still there because I plan on raising hell (which I have but for some odd reason I havent been banned).

Censorship in this case is being done out of fear. Fear that the truth will come out. The truth is that she is trying to ride the VERY LIMITED gravy train and doesn't want her precious *waste of balls* to realize what she is up to. And yes, Paul is very much to blame too. He will not see the situation for what it is. It's sad. He will be alone and drinking and wonder what the fuck happened...and still might have no clue...

Current mood: awake

Current music: Freewill ~ Rush

10:14PM

La la lalalala la lala lala sing a happy song...
La la lalalala Smurf the whole day long...

Today was a total waste...not in a horribly bad way though...it just seemed like one of those blah days where ya just don't feel like doing anything...

Tomorrow is going to be interesting...my furniture is going to be delivered here between noon and 2 pm...I have to cut my cats nails...and I'm sure I have a bazillion other things to do but since I am sleep deprived I can't think of what they could be...

welp...time to scour the job boards...

Current mood: awake

1:17AM - What do the depressed do?

One of the worst things I can do is go looking at ANY store when I am feeling down...so I did the usual today...go to home depot and price stuff I have to get for the house...but then I came up with a brilliant (NOT) idea...I would go looking at furniture...I need a new sofa and loveseat desperately because mine are falling apart...and besides...what would it hurt...well...thank gawd for in store credit and no payments and no interest until 2006...I got a new couch, loveseat, and a few tables...total cost? lol...too much...but my living room will finally look finished...

Current mood: awake

Current music: Precious Time ~ Pat Benatar

8:17PM - Like a rollercoaster...

Today was an absolute mindfu...err...it had too many ups and downs...but I did get things done :)

Way early this morning about 245am I was still awake and just livid over the idiocy of the school district. I decided to email the principal of my daughters school and see if he had anything to say regarding the thoughts that were swirling in my head...

To make a long email short, he replied and said that he would never approve or tell a new teacher to disregard the prior teachers notes or grades and to think so would be insulting. He also said that he could not meet with me today and it had to be Monday...(this is a very condensed version)We went back and forth with me asking why not now etc...and finally I said fuck it and figured Monday would be ok...

I took it further. I called the present english teachers voice mail and left a message, sweet as can be regarding Suz's grade and asked if she could please call back. She called back and said she understood what I was going through because she would be calling for the same reason...She went into great detail how the PRINCIPAL told her to ignore the grades that the fired teacher had given and to base the entire classes grade on the work she had given them which equalled to 5 assignments. I was like wow (i was so FREAKIN mad i wanted to go off but figured now was not the time)...and she offered to let Suz re-do the assignments she didnt do well on and then refigure the grade...I said ok of course and thanked her...IMMEDIATELY I fired off an email relaying the fact that this teacher TOLD ME that he told her to disregard the prior grading and yadda yadda yadda...I could feel him turning white as a ghost when he read what I wrote...so I said the I felt that when Suz rehanded in her assignments and the teacher got a new and improved grade, that it be only fair that it was averaged with the REST of the assignment grades for the marking period. And that I thought it would be in the best interest of everyone if I was not forced to take the matter further.

He replied with one line. "I think that is a reasonable resolution."

And then...WOOHOO! I went on yahoo messenger and was invited to a voice chat with a few people from the Paul Reynolds website...They are so cool and always fun to talk to... and then one of the women said that she had a surprise...Paul was a houseguest of hers and her husbands last weekend but he had stayed the week and was still there! hehe... he was waving and stuff on webcam and we all chatted for a long time...he thinks im an absolute lunatic I think but its all good..lol...

SO now im nursing a tension headache that will go away eventually...someday soon I'll condense the barrage of emails that flew back and forth so a better idea of what went on today can be seen...but I am still going to make it a point to go further up and discuss this with the superintendent of the school district..

Current mood: drained