mahaliem - Druficathon Story - The Really Odd Couple

01:02 pm - Druficathon Story - The Really Odd Couple

Written for sathinks
Request – A pad of paper
Rating - PG

Thank you so much to Estepheia. Saying that her assistance was invaluable would be an understatement.


The Really Odd Couple



"You are about to face the most dangerous of foes," Andrew said solemnly. "A nest of bloodthirsty creatures of the species Vampyr led by the beautiful, but deadly Drusilla. This lethal temptress, this murderous enthraller, was sired by Angelus and was sire to the greatest of all vampires, Spike."

Some of the Slayers Andrew was lecturing let out groans while others rolled their eyes.

Misinterpreting those groans, he continued. "As Slayers of the Vampyr, it is your duty, nay your destiny to throw yourself into battle against them. So now let's do it, just like the Rebel Alliance attacked the Death Star. With hope, with knowledge that what we do is right, and with courage."


* * *


"Please, please, please, don't eat me, " Andrew pleaded as Drusilla pressed him against a wall. He'd stayed half a block away while the Slayers stormed the vampires' hideout. Unfortunately, Drusilla hadn't been inside.

"Little mouse comes creeping around. Thinking the cat doesn't know."

Andrew fumbled in his pocket for the small pad of paper. With Giles' help, he'd prepared a spell that would stop an attacking vampire. To activate it, all he had to do was say the final word, which he'd written down. Drusilla, however, wasn't likely to wait while he got the paper out to consult it. She was in game face, her fangs aiming for his neck, her hands holding his head still.

Squeezing his eyes tightly closed so he couldn't be enthralled, he did his best to remember what he'd written and shouted, "Conservo!"

The ground rumbled as the spell activated.

Drusilla's mouth was still at his neck, but he could no longer feel the pinpricks of fangs. His eyes peeked open and he let out a sigh of relief when he saw that her face had reverted to human form.

"I would never eat such a nice little mouse like you," she murmured.

Andrew sighed. The spell had worked. The hands on his head became gentle. It almost felt like...like she was petting him.

"If you don't mind," Andrew stuttered, "Since you're not planning to eat me, I think I'll just be scurrying along now."

His back still against the wall, Andrew moved away from Drusilla and was immediately hit by a burning pain in his chest. He let out a shriek and would've collapsed to the ground, but she caught him in her arms. As soon as she touched him, the agony stopped.

"Thank you," Andrew began, before realizing that he was again in Drusilla's clutches and pulling away. Once more, the burning sensation erupted in his chest. Reaching out he grabbed Drusilla's arm, and again the pain receded.

"There she is!" he heard a female voice shout. A group of Slayers were coming toward him, stakes at ready.

Andrew wedged himself in front of Drusilla. "No! Stop."

The Slayers paid no attention to him, continuing to approach.

"You can't kill her," he said loudly.

"Why not?" The Slayer who'd spoken, tossed her blonde curls as she took a few steps closer.

"Because I did a spell and it messed up. Now she can't hurt me and we have to keep touching." Andrew swallowed hard. "I think Drusilla and I are magically bonded.


* * *


"You've got to reach Giles," Andrew said, his voice squeaky high. He cleared his throat and tried for a more normal tone, but it still came out high-pitched. "Or Willow. Willow would know what to do."

"Sorry." Chrissy had been assigned by the other Slayers to baby-sit Andrew for the remainder of the night. "I've tried several times already and no one's answering."

Despite it being several hours later, Andrew was still freaking out. Last night he'd examined the pad of paper where he'd written the word to activate the spell. He'd only gotten it a little wrong. It wasn't fair that it made such a big difference. Stupid spell. He was now bonded to Drusilla and it was like in "Lethal Weapon" when Mel Gibson was crazy and handcuffed himself to the guy on the ledge then jumped off.

Andrew glanced down at Drusilla, who was sleeping with her head on his lap. He'd have to remember to stay away from high places for a while.

As it was, he was doing his best to ignore her. It wasn't easy, especially when she'd toss in her sleep, mutter little nonsense rhymes, then burrow her face against his stomach.

"Maybe we could ask Angel? He has that ex-Watcher, Pryce, working for him. He probably knows all sorts of stuff about magic."

Chrissy frowned. "We're not supposed to get in touch with Wolfram and Hart again. You know that. They're evil."

"Yes, Daddy's been naughty. He wants to dance and thinks he won't have to pay the piper."

The voice made Andrew start. He saw Drusilla's eyes were open and she was looking at him with a mischievous smile.

"But not as naughty as he could be," Drusilla continued. "Or as I naughty as you could be." Giving a rough little growl, she playfully nipped at his belly, causing him to suck in his stomach and scramble out from under her while still maintaining minor contact by touching her shoulder.

"Chrissy? A little help here would be nice," Andrew squealed.

"Oh, I think I'm staying out of this one. In fact, I have to leave for school now or I'll be late."

"Chrissy?" Andrew said, but the Slayer was already heading out the door. "Chrissy, don't leave me with this crazy..." The door shut and Andrew gulped. "and beautiful lady," he added hastily.

Drusilla sat up and scooted over next to him, lifting a finger to stroke his cheek. "So sweet. Like sugar plums and iced cakes."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that I have a bitter after taste. Not sweet at all."

"Not going to hurt you. Just want a little sample." Her fingertip traveled to the side of his neck, finding small scars there. "I'm not the first who's wanted to taste you."

Andrew clamped his hand over hers and pushed it away. "Those were caused by Spike."

"My Spike?" The dreaminess seemed to disappear in a flash.

"I think he's Buf...I mean, yes. Your Spike." Andrew didn't like the look of hunger that flickered in her eyes. "But he didn't mean to," he added hurriedly. He was being controlled by the First Evil. He would never bite me now."

"Little jolts of guilt prick him, stab at him, keeping my Spike jailed behind bars of conscience."

"Right. I think."

Andrew watched warily as Drusilla leaned forward.

"You remind me of my sweet William."

"I do? I remind you of Spike? Really?" Andrew straightened his shoulders and puffed out his chest proudly.

"So shiny on the surface, but with darker depths." She began to sway as Andrew watched. "Darkness that bubbles to the top and wants to overflow its banks.

"Um...Drusilla?"

"Wants to pour into the world."

"Drusilla?"

"Wants to--"

"Drusilla!" Andrew interrupted.

She stopped her swaying to stare at him in confusion.

"I know you're doing this big prediction, and it's pretty cool, but I have to tell you something and I sort of need your cooperation." Andrew looked down at the floor sheepishly before raising his eyes to hers.

"I need to go to the little boys' room."


* * *


Andrew decided that after today, he would never blush again.

Since he couldn't be parted from Drusilla, she'd accompanied him to the bathroom. He'd asked her to turn her back as he used the toilet, which she'd done...for about two seconds. Most of the time, she peered down at him intently.

"Could you not do that?" he asked her. "It makes it hard for me to concentrate."

"Little mouse wants to hide?"

"Hey, it's not little! Much. It's just shy. It usually doesn't perform in front of an audience."

"Come out, come out," Drusilla crooned, bending down toward his groin. With a finger, she gave him a poke

Andrew yelped indignantly and covered himself with his hands.

"Little mouse is scared. Afraid of being pounced on."

"Really, really not helpful. Could you please leave me alone?"

"Afraid of being eaten, it is."

Andrew groaned. At some point he knew he'd dreamed of a beautiful woman making sexually laden remarks. It just had never gone quite like this.


* * *


Hours later, Andrew's cheeks were still warm and he was studiously avoiding Drusilla's gaze as they sat next to each other on the couch. She didn't seem to notice, too busy playing with a doll she'd fashioned out of a hairbrush and washcloth. Currently she was humming and twirling it, as if it were dancing. A part of him wished she'd stop that. Another part really missed all the action figures he'd lost when Sunnydale became a hole in the ground.

"I'm bored," he whined. "Do you want to play a game?"

Drusilla looked at him and nodded. "Princess loves games."

"Oh, that's good. Now we'd need more people to play Dungeons and Dragons, so that's out. We could play Battleship." At Drusilla's blank look, he added, "Or Yahtzee."

"Daddy played yummy games with chains and lashes. The pain splashed pretty pictures against my eyelids."

"Oh," he said in a small voice, swallowing hard. "I don't think Milton Bradley has come out with that one yet. There might be a Parcheesi board around, though."

After more discussion, they finally decided to play cards and Andrew found a deck. Drusilla seemed a bit disappointed that he didn't know how to play Whist, but quickly learned the rules for "Crazy Eights" which Andrew thought was fairly appropriate considering his company.

Several games later, after Drusilla trounced him soundly each time, Andrew was bored, once again.

"Do you want to watch television?"

"Ooh, yes. I love watching the telly."

Flipping through the channels, Andrew stopped when Drusilla squealed with delight.

"You want to watch this?"

Drusilla nodded vigorously, already entranced by the show.

"Crocodile Hunter?" Andrew asked, disbelievingly.

"Nasty man. Teases snakes and crocodiles. One day they'll...SNAP! Eat him up, they will. Gnaw on his bones and sup his blood. Chew on his entrails and--"

"Okay, I get it. Why do you have it in for Steve Irwin, anyway?"

Drusilla's bottom lip stuck out as she pouted. "Spike told me we'd go to Australia one day and find him. He'd turn him and give him to me to play with." Drusilla faced Andrew, now looking a bit wistful. "I miss him so."

"Who? Steve Irwin?"

"My Spike. He was always so sweet to me. Giving me gifts that begged and cried so prettily."

"So brave and strong," Andrew sighed.

"Always protecting his Princess."

"So cool, strutting around in that coat of his."

"I wish he were here, holding me in his arms again."

"Me, too."

Drusilla turned and stared at Andrew.

Andrew fumbled for the remote control. "I wonder what else is on?" he stammered, as he changed channels.


* * *


With Drusilla standing next to him, Andrew juggled a pad of paper, a pen, and the phone as he listened to Giles.

"It's not my fault the spell got messed up. I'm good at demon languages, not Latin. Conservo, Consurgo, they're almost the same. But this new spell will break the bond, right?

"Watcher is watching his words," Drusilla murmured next to Andrew's ear. "Not wanting little lies to slip through."

Andrew frowned. "Is that true?" he asked into the mouthpiece. "Is this spell not going to work?"

There was a pause, then Andrew continued. "Yes, I am listening to her. She may be evil, dangerous, and crazy, but she's not the one lying to me. Like Darth Vader, told Luke the truth while Obi-Wan Kenobi lied."

A few minutes later, Andrew huffed and placed the phone back in its cradle. "Giles said that even though we won't be bonded anymore, there'd still be remnants of it left. Like when you eat Cheetos and your fingers turn orange and it takes time to wash it off."

"So I don't get to kill you and drink you down?" Drusilla said, disappointed.

"I guess not."


* * *


The spell was short and easy to perform, even for Andrew. He and Drusilla held hands as he spoke the final words.

Looking at each other, Andrew slowly disentangled their fingers and stepped away. There was no pain.

"I'm free, I'm free," he cried in delight, and then glanced at Drusilla. "No offense or anything."

She leaned over and brushed her lips against his, muffling his surprised squeak. "Good-bye, my mouse."


Three days later, despite his team of Slayers scouring Los Angeles looking for her, Drusilla had not been found.

Andrew couldn't help being pleased with that fact.



The End