Born of a plot bunny that bit me when I was trying to write the sequel to “Dance With the Devil”. Not in the same universe, but it is inspired by the Powerswap Challenge.

I am a loony bird.


So presenting...When I'm Gone



When I’m Gone
By Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com)



Rating: PG

Category: X-Men, Movie Verse, S/J

Character: Scott POV

Summary: When you love someone, you are the ultimate sacrifice.

Spoilers: X2

Disclaimer: Don’t own, though I kind of wish I did.

Author’s Note: Born of a plot bunny that bit me when I was trying to write the sequel to “Dance With the Devil”. Not in the same universe, but it is inspired by the Powerswap Challenge.



There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There're secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
-“When I’m Gone”, Three Doors Down




Like I wouldn’t know what she was doing. As if I wouldn’t stop her.

Jean is in my head, always in my head. A result of our first kiss. We were just teenagers then, thinking more with our hormones than with our brains. I don’t know what was the greater thrill, the light touch of Jean’s lips the first touch that I’d had in years, or the zing that went through my mind as I read hers.

I didn’t send her into a coma, like Selena, but my kiss with Jean had consequences. In absorbing Jean and consequently reading her mind, a psychic link formed between us. Unbreakable though both Jean and Xavier tried.

Jean is always in my head, and I in hers.

That is what keeps me sane.

At times I feel unhinged. My head is so crowded with voices hat I fear the rest will crowd me out of myself. I like listening to koto and have memories of the Holocaust. I can’t help but cheer for the Red Soxs, though I’d rather watch the Yankees play. Magnolias remind me of my mother, the woman who hated flowers and bathed in Chanel No. 5.

I can’t separate myself from the others who live in my head.

But Jean knows me, and through her, I know myself.

I love her.

She loves me, though I know not why.

Logan. Logan she can touch. He can kiss her, ravish her, all the things I’ve dreamed of doing. It’s hard to ignore the Logan flavored part of my brain, the part that tells me that I should just give Jean up and go away.

The Jean flavored part tells me to stay.

So I do.

My life has been a full one. I have lived hundreds of lifetimes within twenty-six years. I have been a hero, and I have been a sacrificial lamb led to the slaughter. The white streak in my hair stands out as my scar.

I am a tapestry, a group of people woven into the body of one man.

I have traveled far in my life, a long journey, and I am tired.

The smell of brimstone wafts through the air as I use the powers I just absorbed from the new blue guy.

Heh, I know German.

She is so focused, her whole soul on the task at hand. Saving the world- or saving the ones she loves.

Jean’s lips are even softer than I remember. She kisses me back before her brain registers what’s happening, and pulls back quickly as my absorption power kicks in.

Her body and her mind are electric.

And then there is power, more power than I ever thought of or could ever dream of, coursing through my brains. There is fire, fire everywhere, but I walk right through it.

“Scott” Jean sobs. Don’t do this.”

I take her hand, palm to palm, holy palmer’s kiss.

“Live” I tell her. “Live, for me.”

Tears flow down her face as I bamf her to safety.

The Blackbird is but my toy, I send it flying, as easily as if it was one of Alex’s old model planes.

Water descends and flows over me, and I am not afraid.

I am no longer the man you knew.

I am fire and life incarnate.

Now and forever, I am Phoenix.