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Monday, May 7th, 2007
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9:32 am - Getting to know me all over again....
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Billionaire-to-be; changing dramatically; there.for.you.in.a.way.only.I.can.be; living excellently; loving passionately; thinking deeply; enjoying things fully; traveling internationally; consistently improving; completely unassuming; Reaching for perfection while meekly and humbly pursing all that I was pursued and apprehended for. Transforming. Powerful. Expressions of love... ASK ABOUT ME.
Changing the world...and all things that support my general amusement. We are all Mysteriously Beautiful; Artistically Flawed; Rare; Raw;
Independently Interdependent and Undeniably Interconnected...
That interests me.
I love most music with the exception of traditional country. Musiq Soulchild, Beyonce, and Lisa McLendon are on my personal favorites list right now.
I am in love with DVDs right about now and there are TOO many to list. I want to see One Night With The King...let you know how that goes.
I am dedicated to watching Grey's Anatomy of course. They are too interesting to miss. Desperate Housewives is a personal favorite. I used to be really into Sex in the City. I am a fan of Ugly Betty. I was also hooked on Lost for a minute, so I have to give it an honorable mention.
I like the left behind series, Win, and Dream right now. and my heroes God and my parents. I can't imagine another set of people who would have had the patience to deal with me day in and out over the course of my lifetime.
Beyonce. ----> One Question: What does your actual hair look like?
Whitney Huston. ----> One Question: Why Bobby?
Oprah. ----> One Question: What did you do with your second million?
Desmond Tutu. ----> One Question: What is the one thing that kept you?
Nelson Mandela. ----> One Question: What sustained your life?
Jesus. ----> One Question: Hmm...gonna have to think on that one.
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| Monday, July 3rd, 2006
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6:57 am - Interview
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Here are the interview questions... :)
1) If you had $1million to give to charity, which charity/ies would you give it to and why?
I would give to the charities below because I believe in what they do and have previously supported them with my time...now I'd do it with my money.
-Starlight
-Make a Wish
-Cancer Society
-Negro College Fund
-Habitat for Humanity
-United Way
-I would also find some AIDS foundations and
2) How are you most like your mother?
-My sense of humor and self is very much like my mother
3) Is it best to kiss with eyes open or eyes closed? Why?
-Closed...because when you take sight out of the equation all that is leading you is your heart
4) which do u prefer: the smell of rain, sound of rain, sight of rain, feel of rain or taste of rain?
-The sound of rain. I do NOT like being rained on, but I love staying inside and reading and just chilling out.
5) What was ur first pet and what was he/she called?
-I don't remember my first pet. I think it was a cat...and my parents gave her away because she sat on my dad's head! Hahaha :)
current mood:  happy
current music: India Aire - Private Party
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| Thursday, June 29th, 2006
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11:06 pm - **Private Party**
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I LOVE THE NEW INDIA ARIE CD! :) It's totally right where I am right now.
True love begins with me.
current mood: happy
current music: India Arie - Private Party
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| Monday, June 26th, 2006
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4:10 am - Last Picked
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I'm really tired of this shit. People are always talking to me about finding "The One" I'mma tell you this for real. There are many "The One"s....multiple people who could be the one for you. That have the right characteristics and qualities, habits, principles, and all that good stuff. To be real...that is NOT what makes them the one. It's the choice. The decision to be with only them, is what inherently makes THEM the one. IF you don't pick them as the last one you will be with and make it forever, then THEY are NOT the one. Done. That's all there is to it. I don't care if you feel like you only did it because of an unplanned pregnancy, an arrangment set up by your parents, spite, biological clock....it is what it is. You made the decision, and the choice and that makes them the one. It's just a title and a conceptualized circumstance. The power of a decision is what makes your last pick....THE ONE. Just a thought.
Ever heard the song save the last dance for me? That's the one...the one you go home with and save the last dance for.
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/michaelbuble/savethelastdanceforme.html
You can dance,go and carry on
Till the night is gone
And it's time to go
If he asks if you're all alone
Can he walk you home,you must tell him no
'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling,save the last dance for me
current mood:  irritated
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 4th, 2006
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9:47 pm - PICTURE ALERT!!!! :)
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| Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
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5:15 pm
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You can find me here: myspace (www.myspace.com/lilacarolynn), www.dropshots.com/forgivencarolynn, www.facebook.com, www.dropshots.com/lovelyladylila
I know that I have kinda been out of the picture for a while. I'm sorry. :( I put the links to pictures of what I did this weekend up, and where you can find me nowadays. Did I mention that I still love you guys. Below is a list of all of you cool ass people who have stuck with me for so long. You don't get mad when I ditch for a few months....you don't freak if I don't comment on EVERYthing....you gus are the best!
__crimson_roses, __ihearthim, _anya_, _bedroomeyes, _unfaithful_, axcess_denied, bigoak25, bitch315, blessed_qt, briggs, britney_is_hot, cannonofdoom, chickadee2525, cootinator, cosmo_bloodloss, cowardicedoubt, crazimoonbaybe, damienps, didactic_love, djgeko, dm81, docwebster, ed_rex, faithhopelove, flavorsperv, fortunexteller, gj435, hankchinasky, harlequindove, i_burn_things, identiless, ihavefriends, incomplete185, innonence_1, intricatedemise, itsjustalesson, jirikido, koolassken, lather2002, lazyd408_______, left_breathless, lori_lee69, luscioustongue, me_vs_myself, missfortune, mosweetcream, mr_mister1231, ncog001, ongakujin, paladin3, panthergrrrl26, phatmatt, pink_noise_lila, pixxi808, playgirl, pokamahone, rare21, redmon5, riyaliti, sexxxayhunni_87, slickdick2lic, smilin_taurus, starian2006, stitch3224, stitch3424, sweeteboni, the_cazualty, tigerronin, tmitch68, tpaceo, tru_mastamind, twoedge47, untouchablegrac, up40love, voodou, wheredidpunkgo, xkmfdm80525x, xoxosave_mexoxo, yourmissfortune, zebra___bum, brn_eyed_gyrl, eazylee
The last few months have been really crazy. I am moving back to Atlanta, but I am still with the same company. I broke up with my boyfriend and am enjoying the single life once again. Those are the two highlights I suppose....oh and my friend got diagnosed with Lupus. :(
Other than that ... things are good. What do you guys look like now? Can I get some pictures sent or posted in your comments? I want to see your sexy faces. You can find some of mine at the links up top!
current mood: hopeful
current music: None
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| Monday, February 6th, 2006
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7:47 am
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OK...so Ray and I are acutally friends. For a minute there I really felt the need to eveluate his intentions, but I see he just wants to be my friend again. :) I really missed that. We're happy and cool again. Damn it's been a while. He's decided to stay in Alaska for quite a while longer in light of his promotion, and I'm really proud of him for planning what he wants to do and making it happen. That's awesome.
I on the other hand am still working on that. I am thinking of going back to school for either my MBA (as planned) or to try and do some other things like Nutrition or Public Health....who knows. I'll figure it out soon though...that's for sure.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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11:47 am
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I keep wondering when I am really going to grow up and get past the point where my emotions are so...out of control. I don't know if anyone is around that remembers Ray (the guy from Alaska), but he called last night. We really haven't talked in a long time, but....I missed him. He wanted to talk about what went wrong and find out how I really felt about things back then. I participated. It hurt. I wanted to cry because it made me remember all of the silliness and all the crap I put up with back then. He asked if he hurt me, and I didn't answer. I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't know what to say. I have thought about it now, and the answer is no. He disappointed me. Greatly. He claims that he loved me for a while...story changes a lot. I don't know that he ever really did, or even knows what it means to really love someone. It says that 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It's funny, but that is not what I remember. He wasn't patient, the games he played were not kind, he envied some people, and bosted because he was cocky at every turn, he was VERY proud, rude at times, self interest motivated most things that he did and said, kept a running list of the things I did wrong...and tried to make me pay for each one, the games were evil but he found joy in playing them...the truth made us stop talking. He never protected me...as for hope, perseverance, and trust...I don't know. I am not saying I was any better. I played the games...and even won sometimes. And I am sure that he believed whatever he felt was love, but love isn't just a feeling. It's a whole host of things...it's action and inaction, it's a lifestyle, it's a purpose, and a motivating force, it's self-control, it's putting someone else's best interests first, and caring about someone else enough to support them in everything even when it hurts. I am not saying that none of that was there, but it wasn't what it should have been. Calling a feeling love doesn't make it love anymore than standing in a garage makes you a Cadillac.
I am glad that I am thinking through this here....suddenly I don't feel so confused and emotional anymore. Still a little shaky, but I'll be ok.
current music: Anytime you need a friend- Mariah Carey
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| Saturday, November 19th, 2005
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6:49 pm
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Hi All...two pics I took with my phone of KY and then PA. :) Just scenery...I am SO tired. Still haven't had enough sleep...man...
( Read more... )
current mood:  tired
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, November 18th, 2005
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7:40 pm - Voice Post:
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| Thursday, November 17th, 2005
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8:37 pm - Voice Post
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8:21 pm - Open Relationships and other ramblings of a 23-something yr. old
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My thoughts...
It seems that open relationships are very similar to not having any type of formalized relationship. You call it a relationship, but don't really honor it...instead you abuse it and misuse the person all under the pretense of a solidified relationship and premise of immunity given through agreement. But then why even get into a relationship? Why not just do whatever anyway and not start the relationship until you're ready to commit to it? I love my boyfriend. A lot. But I don't really know what is supposed to be happening right now. We are just king of going along...in a closed relationship...until....
That's just it. Until what? WHat are we waiting for or hoping for? There is no day like today. I don't want to mess this up, but I feel the need to be single. He won't let go, and I don't want to let him go...so...I'm going to just live like I'm single. I won't cheat, but...I am going to plan my life according to me. I can't factor him in and it's driving me nuts trying to. He keeps planning all my weekends and all my free time. It's MINE. Not HIS. I can do whatever I want so why can't I seem to get that planned out and done. I always end up doing what he wants to do, and the few times that I don't I feel bad and talk to him through most of whatever I'm doing. I hope I don't suffocate him. :L*(
Ok...purely rambling. :L)
current mood:  confused
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| Friday, October 28th, 2005
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10:43 pm - Evolution??? I think not.
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There are so many theories out there about this. None of which make sense in my opinion. Any other time we presume to say that you can take a frog and turn him into a prince...we know that we are hearing a fairy tale. But call it science and THEN is makes sense. They can not prove or support any of the theories on how everything was created, and the very LAWS of science seem to refute the findings of these scientists that would support the Evolutionism. There are many natural occurences that refute it too...like Giraffes, the exploding beetle....all kinds of things, but it is still getting printed as fact. If you read close enough you'll see that even the books it is printed in say "it MAY have begun as...." and "the Earth MAY have developed over 3 billion years ago"...
Frustrating.
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| Thursday, October 27th, 2005
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6:08 pm
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Found myself at a lot of airports lately....and reading magazines like In Style. There are good points too. I am sitting here waiting on my plane to arrive. Luther Vandross is playing in my headset. I was lucky enough to get a seat near the outlet on the wall between the windows that look out at the planes taking off. It's sunset and the sky is periwinkle...all except the pink that's showing just about the trees in the distance.
Well...there is my plane. You know...they never look as majestic when they land and pull up really close to the window. Looking back...not much does look as good coming when it's coming down from a high.
current mood: thankful
current music: Because It's Really Love-Luther Vandross
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
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11:57 pm
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How beautiful. I rarely cry at weddings, but this one was really nice. It was classy and tasteful, but simple and God focused. I was moved. A lot of weddings are about the flowers, but there were not many here...or about other things like the ceremony part of it, but...it was just beautiful. I didn't take any shots of the whole room, but here are a few of some of my friends and the bride.
( Read more... )
Lucky couple :)
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, October 17th, 2005
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9:40 pm - I carry your heart
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I carry your heart by E. E. Cummings
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root
And the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
Which grows higher than a soul can hope or a mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart.
(I carry it in my heart.)
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
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1:48 am - What a difference a day makes
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SO.
I'm sitting here in Texas. It's October. Earlier this week someone asked what I meant when I said that I day can mean so much, but...it's everything. Time. Years keep passing, and I'm still here. Who knew.....who could have even guessed that I would have made it this far. I graduated in Dec. 2003 and it's years later and .... I am not working living on the street or anything like that. Praise God....because it surely wasn't me. I look around, and I am ... ok. I'm happy. I have my really nice boyfriend, and my nice job, and my nice family, and my nice friends...and it's just really good. But what's next...I was just reading through my journals beginning entries (which are far and few between by the way) and ...I have come a long way.
I am off to Pittsburgh next week and I will try and take some puctures here in Texas, and when I arrive there too.
:) I miss you guys!!!!
current mood:  okay
current music: This one's for the girls--Martina McBride
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
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11:19 pm - Gift Ideas?
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10:39 pm - Ear Infection
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I have an ear infection. Honestly, I don't think I've ever had one before...but this. Hurts. In my job I travel a lot, and the last flight I took was excruciatingly painful. My ears were popping and I had pain that originated in my inner ear and traveled all the way down my throat. It hurt...and has continued hurting, although significantly less, through the weekend all the way to today. I went to the doctor and got medicine for it....so now....we wait. Generally I feel comfortable in saying that this sucks.
On a lighter note...Ray (the guy that moved to Alaska) and I are friends. I think for real this time, and I am sincerely glad. I don't know exactly what makes me feel some kind of bond with him. But I feel it, and I love him. All of him....all of his many flaws...all of his high points....all of his mistakes...and all of his potential for good things.
I have decided that I love Chris too. In a little bit of a different way though. I love all of him too, but...what makes it different is that I trust him with some things I don't trust Ray with. When it comes to how I want a guy to treat me...he's got that down. But when it comes to what I look for in a guy. In a husband. He has a lot of it, but a few key things missing. He's very giving, trusting, trustworthy, forgiving, understanding, considerate, selfless to a degree, shares his feelings, respectful, likes me, loves me, finds me attractive, he's nice, gentlemanly, organized, good with money, goal oriented, motivated to reach his goals, seems like he'd be good in bed, attentive, looks ok, nice family, loyal, takes initiative, and many other good things. The only things I can think of that I don't like are that we aren't in the same place with God and he's not very disciplined and sometimes irrational. These don't seem like big things to many people, but God is really important to me. I want to be with someone who will support me in that and help me grow with God. Everyone deals with God in their own way, but I don't think he can do that for me. I think your husband should compliment and support you in all of the ways you think are important. That is huge for me, and he can't be there for me...the discipline thing is ok for now. BUT. Children learn from their parents so many of their habits and they kind of take on their flaws. Discipline is something huge that I lack, and he doesn't compliment me there either. So...we wait...see what happens next.
It's crazy. I am so flawed, and I think we are just both waiting to see what happens.
current music: We Belong Together--Mariah
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| Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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8:57 am - Dreaming....
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I am dating a new person who I am happy with and we are always together, but we start having problems when we start getting chased by this man who is able to make himself invisibile when he so chooses. He chases me all around the place while invisible and I try to escape him by car and running....whatever means I can find really. But he's always there and I can sense his presence. When I get home to my house in GA a lot of my friends are there. We are having some sort of celebration. The guy I'm dating drops me off and I start freaking out and trying to lock everything before he can get in. Only one or two people believe the story I am telling so no body will help me lock the windows and doors. The problem is that there are SO MANY DAMN WINDOWS! They line the side of the house really and they go so far down that you can't even see the end of the room. I start locking the ones that I can crying and asking for help, and one or two friends help me, but everyone else is just like...what is your problem? There is no such thing as invisible men, and blah blah blah. I get 4 or 5 locked when he lifts one I haven't gotten to yet and comes in. He terorizes me and won't leave me alone....always talking to me. Everyone runs out and leaves...and he and I are alone. He asks why I'm afraid and I tell him because of the stuff he's doing. Then he starts telling me about how much he loved me and still does and all this other craziness. Finally he leaves. I talk to the guy I'm dating and we end up ok.
In the next dream the same thing happens. People still don't believe or help lock the windows. I am a little better prepared this time and close one of the windows he tries to open and come through, but I'm no suscessful because he eventually just comes in one I can't get to....since no one will help me. He gets in and people stay in one room while we go talk in the living room...right near the hallway and front door. He tells me how much he loves me again...same things from the other dream. He wants to hold me...and I let me. For whatever reason we're naked and I am sitting in front (facing away) of him with his legs and arms wrapped around me. We're still talking and sitting like that when someone comes to the door. My mother comes down to answer the ringing bell and sees us sitting there. She looks at the door and then back to us...shaking her head in a way that let's me know who ever is on the other side of the door will not be pleased by this site. I am petrified because...well..I'm naked and I am almost positive it's my dad. The door opens, and just as I had wagered, it was my father. He comes in, looks briefly at the two of us just sitting there, and then goes on to do other things without saying a word. The door closes and as my mother starts to walk away, there is another doorbell ring. This time....it's the guy I'm with. He sees, but doesn't say anything and goes upstairs to my room. When we're done talking I go up after him and talk to him about the fact that I finally was free of the invisible guy. He told me he loved me, but we had said goodbye. The guy I was dating's response was that he loved me. I told him I was glad he saw what happened because I didn't want to have to explain it, but I wanted him to know. No secrets...you know. We keep talking, my dad comes to see what's going on, and ...I wake up.
Dream interpretation....I got nothing, but here are some that I found at www.dreemmoods.com
( Interpretations of Lila's Wierd Ass Dream )
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