lovefool_86

Once again, I have popped by to say update. I'm sure I'll disappear again, so you had better enjoy it while it lasts. I've been having lots of thoughts lately, so I wanted to vent out my emotions.

Am I attracted to guys that are not so nice? I never, ever wanted to be that person...ever. I do not like those girls. I always think that I'm picking good ones, but what happens in the end? Asshole. While I am not the girl that needs someone, I am the type that wishes she had someone when she doesn't. When wanting someone in my life, I, of course, start thinking about boyfriends from the past. Why are all of my exes happy with someone else? Out of my last 3 boyfriends, 1 is married, one is "promised", and one is having a baby. Was I a terrible girlfriend? I would have liked to think that I was not. I am a caring, forgiving, and selfless girlfriend. Am I selfless to a fault? I think I was in my last relationship. I gave too much and expected too little. But I was happy. The entire 2 years or however long it was, I was happy doing what I did. Did it please me to be treated poorly? That sickens me that I was that selfless. Granted, he didn't always treat me poorly. I blocked out those times in my mind and focused on the good. I knew there was an amazing boyfriend in there somewhere, and I was hoping that it would show. Apparently, he has found that part of himself, and I am happy for him. However, why didn't it show with me? I was always an after thought. That was the problem w/ Troy, too. The relationship started great, and I was being treated well. During the last couple of months, I wasn't treated well, but I just hoped things would go back to the way they were before. WHY DO I DO THAT TO MYSELF?! I am just upset when I think about my past relationships. Especially with the last one. We had a connection. We discovered that it wasn't a romantic one after awhile. That's okay. However, I still miss him as a friend, and that kills me that I still miss his friendship. I feel pathetic. We were going to be friends again, and then we weren't. Then I messed up, and I don't know if we will ever be friends again. Maybe that is good, who knows. Maybe I just miss having a guy that knows everything about me and knowing I can always turn to him. Who knows.

Enough about that. I need a change in my life, too. I am tired of meaningless random hookups. It is a phase that I wanted to go through as a college student, but I don't think it's really who I am. Ha...maybe it is...who knows. haha. Nah, I want more than that. Who knows when it will hppen, though.

Alright, that is enough of my feelings for tonight. Stay tuned for more. Maybe.

I am feeling really content right now and wanted to express that in writing. haha

I am really enjoying my classes this semester. It's a ton of reading, but the majority of my classes are within my major, so I am finally starting to make Education friends. Everyday I look forward to being a teacher more. Today in one of my classes, we watched The Ron Clark Story. Movies like that make me so excited to make a difference in a child's life.

I'm having a blast working at the daycare. The kids are great, and it makes my day better being around them!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I am actually really excited. I've always been the girl that loves that holiday...not for boyfriend reasons, though. Every year my mother has made it a point to make it a special holiday for me, and that is why I cherish it so much! I was explaining that to friends the other day that hate the holiday because it "is created by the candy and card companies, and yada yada yada". I just love dorky things like cartoon valentines and candy hearts. I have really never celebrated it with a boyfriend, so that is definitely not the reason I like it so much. Today I checked my SPO, and there was a card from my mom with a Pizza Hut giftcard, because she knows I'm excited about cheesy bites pizza being back. haha. It's those kinds of things that make me like this holiday. I get very annoyed with ppl that bitch about it being "Singles Awareness Day" and such. I'm aware that I am single everyday. haha. Who cares!

I am going to Platteville this weekend, and I am very very excited to hang out with my friends, catch up w/ Velden during the drive, and see a certain boy that I have been talking to daily since my last Pville visit! :)

Tonight, Ladysmith Black Mambazo is at Luther, and I have been waiting all year for my away message to be "But you love Ladysmith Black Mambazo!!!!!" That is a Mean Girls reference for all of you that don't enjoy pop culture references.

Alright, time for supper!

Once again, it appears that I took a hiatus. My grandpa did pass away a couple weeks ago. It was a very sad time, but it was nice to see the whole family for a few days and share memories that we shared with Grandpa. For as sick as he was for such a long time, he looked so good in the casket. It was a blessing that he didn't have to suffer anymore. He is at peace now, and that is a beautiful thing.

Jterm was really good with the kindergarteners. It was a great experience, and I really gained a lot of insight on what I want to do with my life. Jbreak, however, was even better!!! On Thursday night, Kelsey and I decided to drink the rest of our alcohol and watch Grey's & When Harry Met Sally. We ended up getting drunk and went to sleep by midnight & had 12.5 hours of sleep! haha. On Friday I went to Platteville and went to a couple of parties with my HS friends. That was a really good time!! I always have a great time when I visit them. I think it's the change of atmosphere from Luther. The parties at Pville that I have been to don't usually have many girls...mainly guys. I enjoy that. haha. I met a really cool guy on Friday night and have been talking to him quite a bit. Sounds like Velden wants to go to Pville to see Zach the weekend of the 16-17, so I am going to drive her and visit my girlies and the guy I met. On Saturday of Jbreak I went home to Bagley for my aunt & uncle's surprise 35th anniversary party. That was a lot of fun and nice to see the relatives again. My grandma is staying pretty strong. She cries everyday, but I understand how that goes. My cousins made a video for the anniversary, and there were pictures of my grandpa and my dad in it. I was sitting next to my grandma, and I really thought she was going to lose it when she saw Grandpa. I know I would have if I saw my dad in the video so soon after he died. She just looked at me with tears in her eyes and said that Grandpa looked really good in the pictures and that it was nice to see pictures of my dad again. I ended up going downtown and having a drink at the bar with 2 of my cousins, so that was fun. I didn't think I would be served, but I was! On Sunday I came to Decorah to pick up Kelsey & Alex and we headed to Minneapolis. We stopped in Rochester for supper and a little shopping. We had drinks at Tim & Jayson's house and then headed to the 90s. That was so much fun. It was the most fun I have ever had there! Kelsey and I were surrounded by beautiful gay men and danced our asses off. haha. Tim & Jayson were in great form and were dancing it up with us and feeding us Absolute & club soda in water bottles. Alex met a boy and spent the night dancing with and kissing him. That was pretty damn cute. It sounds like things are going well there. They've been talking on the phone daily. We tried to head back to Decorah from the cities on Monday, but there was a snow storm near Decorah, so we spent the night in Cannon Falls at Jess's house and brought her back to Luther on Tuesday with us.

I started 2nd semester classes on Wednesday. I am taking American Diversity, Norwegian II, Diverse and Exceptional Learner, Intro to the New Testament, and Intructional Strategies. There's going to be tons of reading for all of the classes except Norwegian, but I am kind of looking forward to some of them. I'm really excited for American Diversity, New Testament, and Strategies. I never thought I'd look forward to a religion class, but my prof is absolutely amazing. You could listen to him for hours and not get bored.

Well, I think that's all of the news from here. I am going to go read for awhile!

I've been pretty sad all day. I am going home tomorrow right after I get out of class to attend a wake for the mother of a close friend and staying Friday for the funeral. My mom called today to tell me that if I wanted to see my grandpa one last time that I should come home soon, because he probably won't make it to Friday. He's failing pretty fast, I guess. I hope that I can see him tomorrow when I get home. I guess my entire family is there and all of my distant relatives and his friends have been coming to say goodbye. They have started making funeral arrangements already. As she was telling me this, I just started bursting into tears. I have known this was coming for awhile, but it is just finally sinking in during his final days. I'm not ready to say goodbye, even though I know that he won't be suffering anymore. I am not looking forward to the upcoming couple of weeks. Funerals always put me in a depressed mood, even if I am not very close to the person. They remind me of what I went through when my dad died 7 years ago.

My friend's mother had breast cancer and it spread. I realized today that I have known three people that have died from what started as breast cancer. That seems like a lot. I cannot thank God enough for the fact that my mom's breast cancer was caught very quickly.

Expect quite a few updates from me. I need a place to vent, and I'm not sure who I really feel comfortable talking about this with, so it's easier to put it in writing. These next couple weeks are going to be tough ones for me.

Well now that I know I have at least 1 reader, I may as well start writing in this again!

I am back at Luther for J-term and observing in a kindergarten class. It's a good time.

This weekend was a good one. Both Friday and Saturday I drank a bit and played Apples to Apples with a bunch of people in my room. Saturday night had an unexpected ending, but it was really good. It's been awhile since I have just sat down with a friend and talked for that long. Today I went home to see my grandpa, because he is going to pass away within the next couple weeks. More than half of my family and all of my aunts & uncles were there, so it was nice to see them. The minute I walked in the door, my grandpa's face lit up, and he said "There's my girl". For some reason, that made me want to cry. I made sure to give him many hugs and kisses and tell him that I love him a lot. It's really hard to know that today may have been the last time that I will ever see him. He's always been hard on me, but I know that he just wanted me to be a good person and make good decisions. I think that he is proud of the person that I have become. He said that he has been watching old family home movies everyday. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in his position and know that he is going to be dying soon. I'm sure he is just trying to pack in as many memories and he can in the short time he has left. He's very confused about things and is just praying that he is making the right decision by going off kidney dialysis. If you are reading this and pray, please pray for my Grandpa.

I checked my friends updated list on Facebook. He is now in a relationship. I smiled when I saw it. This is a good thing.


Last night was a blast. =)

Yes..it was cold. You know how I kept warm? Making out with a hottie for an hour outside. Okay, so he was gay.

It was still hot!

I'm going to UW-Platteville tomorrow night to visit all of my HS girls. I'm quite excited. Expect an update with a sweet weekend recap later!

Well, I think it's time for an update.

I love college. I just started my sophomore year and love my classes. I'm taking Elementary Norwegian, Intro to Sociology, Intro to Philosophy, and Educational Psychology. I'm also taking percussion lessons, working at Marty's, in varsity band, choir, SAC Concerts, PALS, pledging Tau Delta Gamma, and in pep band. Busy times! I'm excited. My priorities are completely different than last year.

I am single once again and a-okay with that. Things just didn't feel right anymore. Things do, however, still feel right with Johnny, and that's cool even though nothing can happen at this time.

I bought a plane ticket to Florida yesterday for spring break. Totally not planned, but it will be worth it. Kelsey and I are staying with Jessica at her parents' place. When will I ever have the chance to spend spring break in FL and not have to pay for anything but airfare again? Yeah...that's not too often.

My birthday is on Wednesday. Yay. I won't be a teen anymore, and that is awesome. 6 friends from home came to visit me on Sat. night and help me celebrate my bday early. It was a blast. Too bad I don't remember going to the bar. Oops.

Well, that is all of the major stuff in my life right now. I'll try to be more regular w/ the updates, even though I don't think anybody reads this anymore.

I feel like I'm living two different lives sometimes. I'm happy when I'm with one person, but I'm so happy when I'm talking to another or finally getting to see him. I think I just put an end to the second "life". It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but in order to know where my heart truly lies, it had to be done. I have cried so much last night and today. I'm tearing up just thinking about it again.

Why do things have to be so hard? My heart is aching to be with him everyday and always, but it can't work right now. I have to give this other relationship a shot because it is what is best for me at the moment.

I just wish that everyone could be happy in the end. Telling him my decision was so extremely hard. I know he still loves me, and I know how much it must hurt. I hope he knows that it is hurting me just as much. He will never leave me heart. Ever. I hope I never leave his.

Damnit, this hurts so much. My mom told me today to transfer to the U of M. I wish it were that easy.

I have to go shower and then live my first life... How can I spend a day with one guy while I'm tearing up inside over another? I'm being completely honest with guy 1, as well. He knows the entire truth about everything. I'm just waiting for the day when he tells me that it's not going to work when my heart belongs to someone else. Ugh.



If all you need is love, then why isn't it enough?

Yesterday afternoon was perfect.

That is all. =)

Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question even if they don't make sense. You'll be surprised though.

How am I feeling today?
Time For Me to Fly by REO Speedwagon

Will I get far in life?
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

How do my friends see me?
Broken - Jack Johnson

Where will I get married?
Ghost Riders in the Sky - Johnny Cash

What is my best friend's theme song?
Ruby Blue - Roisin Murphy

What is the story of my life?
Moondance - Van Morrison

What was high school like?
Guess Things Happen That Way - Johnny Cash

How can I get ahead in life?
Little Thing - Dave Matthews/Tim Reynolds

What is the best thing about me?
What You Own- Rent

What is today going to be like?
409 - Beach Boys

What is in store for this weekend?
We're Going to be Friends - Jack Johnson

What song describes my parents?
Gloria - Van Morrison

To describe my grandparents?
For Good - Wicked

How is my life going?
Don't Know Why- Norah Jones

What song will play at my funeral?
Don't Drink the Water- DMB

How does the world see me?
Look What You've Done- Jet

Will I have a happy life?
We Can Work It Out - Heather Nova

What do my friends really think of me?
Somebody Told Me - The Killers

Do people secretly lust after me?
Summertime - Kenny Chesney

How can I make myself happy?
Piano Man - Billy Joel

What should I do with my life?
Guess I'm Doing Fine- Beck

Will I ever have kids?
Time - Ben Folds



So guy from work asked me to go bowling with him. I am too shy to go somewhere w/ him when we haven't really talked much yet, so I said maybe next weekend. Interesting interesting.

Oh, and last weekend I ran into my ex that I dated for awhile as a freshman in HS, and we had an awkward conversation. He called me today while I was at work and asked me if I wanted to do something sometime.

Alright, I'm tired and bored. Peace out. haha

Things finally picked up for me this week. On Tuesday, I went in to Prairie Industries for an interview and was hired on the spot. I told Jellystone that night that Saturday would be my last day. They didn't take it too badly. Kim told me that she understood. So yeah, I start at PI on Monday. I'm looking forward to it. I will have Fri-Sun off, which will be really nice.

I finally started getting out of the house more this week, too. On Wednesday night Cathy, Renee, Dani Jo, Lindsey and I went to Platteville and saw The Omen. On Thursday I went to the beach with Lindsey and Alicia. Then they came back to my place to watch a movie and eat pizza. Lindsey and I went on a walk, and she left around 9. On Friday I went to Lancaster to party at Alicia's place. We were supposed to have a party in Platteville, but it was cancelled last minute. We ended up at Alicia's new guy's apartment playing Fuck the Dealer for awhile. Then we headed over to Alicia's ex's house (haha..ironic) and drank in his garage. We then left for Platteville to go to a party that some guys we graduated with were at, but when we got into Platteville, they called to say that they left. We just ended up going back to Alicia's apartment and passing out by this point. Honestly, it wasn't an amazingly fun time, but it was good to catch up with them nonetheless. I was supposed to go tubing in Decorah with Kelsey and Jessica on Friday, but it was rainy and cold. :( Nate was doing a magic show in Bagley at a bar on Friday night, and we had planned to hang out, but I decided to not stay in Bagley for the night.

Today I worked at Jellystone 4-10. It was a pretty good last day! I'm really going to miss everyone! I got to call for adult bingo, be Ranger Smith on the wagon ride, be Yogi for awhile, and lead the light-stick parade. :) OH! I had an f'ing tick in my hair that was stuck to my scalp. That was not cool. I scratched my head and felt something, so I had them see what it was...and of course it had to be a tick! They were burning it, but that sucker would not let go for the longest time. Sad sad sad. I stopped by Ranger Lane to say hello to my seasonals. They're afraid I won't come back to visit. haha. Of course I will. :)

I'm excited. I'm making ham, cream cheese, and pickle wrap things tomorrow. Yummm.

Well, I don't have much else to say! I'm going to go watch a movie or something. Later taters!

I really just need to vent right now. I miss my dad so much. I would love being at home if he were here. I would even love it if it were just my mom and me. I just can't stand Scott. I have never met someone so lazy in my life. How in the hell does she put up with it???? I have been thinkng a lot lately..."what if Dad were still here". I was talking to my mom tonight, and I threw in, "I miss dad." She asked why, so I just said that going to the cemetary yesterday made me think about him. I then said "He and Scott are pretty much exact opposites, huh?" and she agreed. I said "If Dad had a day off, he never sat around. He kept himself busy all day long with other projects." and she replied with "You really hate Scott don't you??". Argh. I just said "No. I just don't like the way he lives, and I would never live like that." I wish so much that I could just tell them how I really felt, but I know that would be wrong. I'm sitting here crying because I dislike the way he lives so much. He does not do anything around the house. I'm sorry, but YOU ARE 50 YEARS OLD. He acts like a teenager. He makes perverted jokes that make me want to puke. Everytime I go downstairs he is A) Sleeping on the couch...for hours (he has such a hard life, you know...he works soo hard!) B) Watching TV...this is his life C) On the computer. Why the fuck can't he get a real job?! He is a lazy excuse for a man. I would NEVER let a guy live with me, do nothing around the house, and not have a job for 3 years. Seriously. There is no excuse. "I'm handicapped." No...you use that as an excuse because you know the government will pay you to sit on your ass. "I'm an umpire! I have a job!" NO. Umping is NOT a job. It is a hobby. A hobby for 3 months out of the year. Seriously...You do not do it for more than 6 hrs/day, and you do not do it everyday. I am sure that the other umpires have real jobs, as well as their umping job. My mothers does his laundry, washes his dishes, makes his food, cleans up after him, and let's him sit around. WAKE UP, MOTHER. My dad was so independent. He never made her do anything. She would offer, but he never took her for granted. I have disliked Scott since day 1 when he moved in here almost 3 years ago. I thought that it would change after awhile, and it hasn't...at all. Uggggggh. I have to keep telling myself that I will NEVER live at home again. Ever. I just can't even describe my annoyance/anger when I see him sleeping on the couch all day. I'm not going to lie...I have given him the finger when I've walked by before. I hate how my mom makes excuses for him.

*sigh*

I am never living with my step-dad again.

Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.

How many songs: 1610

Sort by song title:
First Song: #34-Dave Matthews Band
Last Song: Zak and Sara- Ben Folds

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Tune Up #3 - Rent
Longest Song: Jimi Thing (Live) - Dave Matthews Band (The Central Park Concert)

Sort by Artist:
First Song: Disco Inferno - 50 Cent...haha
Last Song: Pressure Point by The Zutons

Sort by Album:
First Song: Love Me Do - The Beatles (from the album 1)
Last Song: Live and Let Die - Paul McCartney (Wingspan Disc 1- Hits)

Top Five Most Played Songs:
1. Gold Digger - Kanye West
2. Pledge of Allegiance - Louis XIV
3. Unsquare Dance - Dave Brubeck
4. Take Your Mama - Scissor Sisters
5. Rental Car - Beck

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Open Up Your Eyes - Story Hill

Search:
"sex", how many songs come up? 4
"death", how many songs come up? 27 (lots of Death cab)
"love", how many songs come up? 77
"you", how many songs come up? 174

Today was my last day of classes of my freshman year at college. It's really hard to believe that it is over. I'm looking forward to making money this summer and taking a break from schoolwork, but I don't want to be back in Bagley, WI. I'm really going to miss these ground floor girls. I have learned many things this year, so this is going to be a fun little post where I tell you some things that I have learned or have been able to confirm more...

1) Do not take a full load your first semester! It's hard to get used to the difference in the amount of work compared to high school.
2) It's okay to skip classes...sometimes. Don't make it a habit, or you will regret it!
3) Quarters are a treasure...don't spend them foolishly, or you'll be wearing dirty laundry for awhile!
4) Taking naps whenever you feel like it is perfectly acceptable...but if it is during the day, don't make the world stop for others just so you can get one!
5) Have fun. Party with your friends!
6) Do not, however, drink so much that you don't even remember the memories that you are making. (I was guilty of this quite a few times)
7) You and your roommates will eventually annoy each other, but you will also have nights where you do nothing but laugh together.
8) Bagel sandwiches from Marty's are sooooooooo good!
9) Get an academic advisor that will actually advise you.
10) It's okay to freak out about not knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life...there are a lot that are in the same boat!
11) Ranch sticks and cactus bread at 11 pm are never a good idea...don't let your roomie talk you into ordering them! haha
12) It's okay to check your facebook and email every time you sit down at your desk.
13) It's also acceptable to facebook stalk people...just don't let them know.
14) Do not expect your friends to have the same beliefs as you do on every subject. Everyone is different, and some people just need to learn that.
15) Unfortunately, the girl drama does not stop in high school.
16) Make guy friends. They are a lot of fun to have around.
17) Make gay guy friends. They are even more fun!
18) Keep Febreze in your room for Saturday and Sunday mornings when your dorm room smells like vodka and bar smoke.
19) Get a job from day 1...do not be stuck owing your parents a lot of money because you were too lazy to work the 11 hours/wk that you should have been working.
20) Do the readings for class. It may seem like a pain in the ass, but it really does help!
21) Don't take Bio 122 if you have absolutely no interest in biology...
22) Believe what everyone says...Paideia really does suck!
23) Starting a 4 page paper at midnight the night before it is due can actually work.
24) Keep your dorm room clean...it's not that big and can seem even smaller when it's messy.
25) Keep track of who borrows your movies because I definitely have a few missing.
26) Laugh about the weekend afternoons that you spent in bed watching movies because you were too hungover to get up...but try not to let it happen too often!
27) Make the time to work out. It feels amazing.
28) The kind folks at Health Services aren't that great of a help usually.
29) Ottomans with removable lids are great for hiding alcohol.
30) Illegal substances are fun.
31) Don't get a reputation that you don't want to have...it will stick with you!
32) It's completely alright to be annoyed with your friends.
33) Being famous at Subway for doing a faceplant isn't as cool as you would like...but it's still pretty damn funny.
34) Talk to the Bobs at Kum and Go! Seeing them after Roscoes gets out is always a treat.
34) Buy burritos from Kum and Go, but don't do it every weekend!
35) It's normal to do crunches in the study lounge with your roommate after eating said burrito and drinking lots of vodka.
36) It's not normal to do other "activities" in the study lounge at 4 a.m...but it is a hell of a lot of fun!
37) Life isn't fair, but keep your chin up!
38) Call home just to say hi. Admit it, you miss them as much as they miss you.
39) Stay at school for as many weekends as you can. It's a bummer when you miss out on things!
40) It's perfectly okay to wear sweatshirts and sweatpants to class
41) It is a LOT of fun when you get to dress up and go out on the weekends!
42) Midnight Wal-Mart runs are a blast!
43) Don't be afraid to turn up your music and dance like a fool in your dorm room!
44) Cherish the times that you get to sleep naked when you go home for breaks.
45) Do not let people walk all over you.
46) The bathrooms are disgusting by Sunday night.
47) Visits from the person you are in love with should truly be cherished.
48) You really don't need half of the stuff you brought with you on the first day.
49) It's okay to stay up late talking online or on the phone...as long as you recognize the possible consequences!
50) Use protection. Enough said.
51) The George Foreman grill in the caf is great for your subs and grilled cheese!
52) Mix ice cream with slushy mix from the caf...it's sweet.
53) Take trips to the Whippy Dip!
54) Go on walks an truly enjoy Decorah.
55) Go to more music ensemble concerts...there is some amazing talent around you.
56) Trout Fry is mean to be an all day event...not 3 hours!
57) Showing up drunk/hungover to choir concerts isn't a good idea...but it does happen!
58) The "poor college student" cliche is true. I'm broke as a joke!
59) Get a strawberry margarita at Marty's...it may be non-alcoholic, but it's amazing!
60) Visit your HS friends on breaks.
61) Download as much free music as you can off of your college file-sharing program
62) Don't believe everything that people tell you...especially concerning your relationship with someone else. Talk to them and get the truth.
63) Sometimes you have to let go a little bit, no matter how much it hurts.
64) Big brothers really are amazing...even if they lack good communication skills.
65) Take Adaptive PE. Helping special needs kids is such an amazing and rewarding experience that you will never forget.
66) Roscoes may be sleazy and disgusting, but some nights are amazingly fun.
67) Get to know upperclassmen.
68) Do not drink too much and make a fool out of yourself in front of those upperclassmen, however!
69) It's okay to still smile when you see the number 69.

That's all for now...but I will probably add more later.

It's been fun, kids.

Well, I'm pretty sure nobody reads this..but I want to start writing in it again anyway.

I just got back from my percussion lesson w/ Geary. I enjoy those so much. I feel like I accomplished something in that half hour and actually learned something...unlike my voice lesson!

Second semester is going alright. Nothing too exciting. Bio sucks, but I'm going to change that.

Tonight I am going to see the ballet of Cinderella. That should be really nice. Tomorrow night, Nickel Creek is coming to Luther. I'm very excited for that.

I am soooo looking forward to Spring Break! Only 3 more days! Saturday is Tia's baby shower and bachelorette party. That is going to be a lot of fun. This break is going to be very directed towards family and friends. I plan to go visit Carrie and also stop and see Kimmie at UWL, perhaps go to Platteville and see those friends, stop in Lancaster and see Alicia, go to Bloomington to see my grandparents, and also go to MN to see Johnny, Tim, and Jayson. I'm really looking forward to it! When I am at home, I will spend time w/ the fam and finish reading Cash by Johnny Cash...oh, and I want to watch the first season of Grey's Anatomy. Looks like I will be busy!

Summer is coming so quickly. I only have 3 more weekends to go out here until we move back home! I can't believe it. I am really excited to start at Jellystone again, but I don't want to leave Luther. :( I'm going to miss these guys so much. I wonder how I will handle being at home w/ Mom and Scott all summer...hmmm. I'm thinking about finding another smaller job outside of Jellystone so that I make sure to get 40+ hours a week.

I have been having bad dreams a lot lately about one aspect in my life, and it's almost starting to worry me. Is my subconscious really this scared about something going wrong in that area?? These dreams seem so realistic and I think it's because I know they could really be happening...I just don't like to think about it.

Not much else to report here...I'm going to read some bio and get supper.

I will blog again SOON.

Well, according to some naked timpanist, it's time to update this.

Just started second semester today. I am going to hate bio. I feel like I need another class to add onto my schedule, as well. Oh, and Greedy called for me to sign up for a lesson time. I am not looking forward to working with that man again. The good things about 2nd semester? I'm cutting back on my drinking to one night/wk. It got to be too expensive & I did dumb things. Another good thing is the presence of a job! I start at Marty's this weekend I believe. I need to talk to someone & get some more hours somewhere else on campus as well. Another good thing is that with my lighter class load, I can hopefully raise my GPA a lot!

J-term was amazing. Yes, there was some drunken drama and feelings were hurt at times, but in the end, everything turned out alright. The first weekend, Christine and Alicia came to visit and a good time was had by all. Well, actually that was the night that I got too drunk and emo...so that wasn't cool. Things ended up fine. This is a list of activities that sum up J-term: going to a boring alcohol class where we viewed Power Points for 2 hours/day, throwing a Not Wasted Wednesday Mocktail Party as a project for the class---great turnout!, DMB power hour, body shots, Super Mario, lots and lots of money spent on alcohol, good Roscoes times, bad Roscoes times, good Americana times, drinking in our pajamas, lots of Johnny visits, breaking my camera, watching 5 seasons of Sex and the City, doing awkward things in front of cool people, and umm...lots of picture taking! We ended J-term in style with a get together in Cannon Falls, MN at Jessica's house. Drinking card games were played, good vodka was drank, Malibu was drank, LOTS of beer was drank, I passed out a lot, I woke back up and danced a lot, my hair was out of control, and Kelsey, Jessica, and I ended the night all sleeping in Jessica's king size bed. It was loooovely. Kels and I had good food in Rochester, as well.

To sum up J-term, IT WAS WONDERFUL. I bonded with some of the girls so much and became a lot closer. Who knows where I'll be next J-term.

I have made a decision to live at home for the last time this summer and work at Jellystone again. I will probably regret this decision by the end of the summer, but it is saving me a ton of money, which is what I need.

Alicia and Kimmie are coming on Saturday night. I am looking forward to a great time!

Well, I hope the naked timpanist thinks this update was good enough! =)

Oh yeah, I have curly/wavy hair now. We are calling it "wurly" hair. It's neat.

I decided that it's a good time to update this. I'm not really doing much of anything. I am sitting here at my brother's house in Minneapolis, but I will get to that later.

Christmas was really nice this year. My brother and nephew weren't able to be at the Christmases for my mom's side or dad's side, but it ended up being okay. On Friday, we went to my sister's house in LaCrosse and had Christmas for our immediate family. That was a lot of fun. Tim and I spent the night and we siblings drank together until 3 a.m. Good times. =) On Saturday, we went to Mineral Point for Christmas on my dad's side. I had a really good time there. We played games for hours, and it was a lot of fun. I went to church w/ Scott and Mom that night. It was really strange. I really wanted the familiarity of a Catholic mass, rather than a Lutheran service, so on Sunday I went to catholic mass alone. It was really good for me. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to get back in touch with my spiritual side. On Sunday, we had Christmas on my mom's side at the Best Western hotel in Prairie. That was a good time as well. It's always nice to have good conversation with aunts, uncles, and cousins and play games.

On Wednesday I headed to Minneapolis. Johnny came over late Wednesday night and we watched 40 Year Old Virgin. On Thursday we went out to eat and hung out here for a bit before heading to the Gay 90's with my brother and his boyfriend. We spent the night at my brother's hotel. That was a really good time...I don't think we went to sleep before 6:30 this morning! We exchanged Christmas presents at 5 a.m. He gave me Van Morrison's Moondance album and Johnny Cash Live from Austin, TX DVD. I'm currently listening to Van and I'm watching the DVD w/ Tim and Jayson when they get home. I was supposed to come home to Bagley today, but the weather was pretty crappy on both sides of my drive, so I decided to play it safe and leave tomorrow morning. Johnny and I had a good chance to talk about things. We aren't together anymore, but it's okay. It was time that he takes some time to get things sorted out for himself. We'll see how things pan out. I hope to keep him a big part of my life. He's an amazing person and great friend when I need it.

Tomorrow night I am going to LaCrosse for New Years Eve. I'm really looking foward to it. I'm sure it will be a crazy time w/ HS friends. =)

I head back to Lutherland on Tuesday...and I can't wait! I miss my friends sooo much. I can't imagine not being there for J-term. I'd go crazy with sadness!!!

Well, I'm going to end this now because I am running out of thoughts.

Much love to everyone. Happy New Year! =)

This is exactly what I wanted the first couple of days of break to be like...doing absolutely nothing. Finals went alright, but they really wore me out! I got home yesterday, unpacked, and took a 3 hour nap. I then just relaxed & watched Sex and the City until 3 am. Today I slept in and went to Prairie to run some errands. I got lunch w/ my mom and aunt Peg. Then I finished up my Christmas shopping...well everything except for Johnny's present. I'm not sure which store is selling the cheapest hugs. ;) haha jk. I took my computer in to get fixed. Hopefully it will be up & running before Christmas! That would be great.

I was going to go out tonight & drink w/ some HS friends, but decided not to at the last minute. I decided that I have all weekend to go out. Tonight I need to talk to Mom & figure out what she wants me to do this weekend...I am decorating the house for Christmas & I need a general idea of what she wants where, etc... Also, I have not taken my allergy meds since I started at Luther. I didn't need to protect my lungs against animals...I live in a dorm! The guy whose house I would have been going to tonight has cats...it wouldn't have been a good thing. I'm going to start taking my meds again tonight since I am now back in Grant County, where mostly everyone I know has pets. =) I'm sure that once all of the other college friends come home for break, I will be going out quite a bit.

Tonight I am just going to relax again, watch Sex and the City, and figure out a game plan for the house decorating extravaganza that will be taking place this weekend.

I am kind of bummed out that I decided to stay home, but I think it was the right choice in the long run.

Ok, more Sex for me! (Sex and the City, that is)

Well, Christmas at Luther is finally over. After about 17 hours of rehearsal the past week and 5 performances, it's done. This week has been one of the most enjoyable weeks so far at Luther. I have loved practicing all week & having the concert be the only thing on my mind. The performances went well. Friday night's first show was the worst and Sunday's was pretty low energy, but they all went fairly well. I was pleased. :)

This weekend was absolutely crazy. Friday night, Alex, Jessica, and I went to the bar after our last performance. Jessica wasn't too happy, but Alex & I had a good time. I woke up that night to Johnny standing in my room. haha. We stayed up pretty late talking & whatnot. It was a good night overall. Saturday night, though? Oh boy. What a night that was. We went to a party at Vannaheim & then proceeded to the bar. Let's just say that the last thing I remember is taking a tequila shot w/ John Eide. Apparently, I sucked at life after that. Fell on my face in Subway, sobbed my eyes out, passed out on a wicker couch in Larsen, passed out again in my bed w/ Johnny next to me all night & never noticed he was there. Woke up at 11, fully clothed from the night before and alone in my bed. Sara Velden filled me in on some of what I had done, so I had to go find Johnny & get the full story. I immediately felt stupid the entire day. I can't believe I did that. I need to not have that "one last drink". Ugggh. Perhaps soon I'll learn my lesson & my boyfriend won't pass out in snowbanks. That would be cool. :P

Well, I don't have Pike Kor today so I'm trying to use my hour of free time wisely. I just made some emails about getting a job. :O Shocking...I know. It needs to happen now, though.

Later taters.

p.s. Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE college?