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Long absence, short post [24 Dec 2007|04:10pm] My recent absence was caused by our PC breaking down. I apologize for that. I'll try to recall the things that happened while I was gone: 1. The Jurassic PC is replaced with some cool-looking one from the future. One good thing about it is that it is now equipped with a liquid coolant. The reason the other one broke down was problems with the fan. Blades were missing so the processor overheated. I dont think this one will burn down any time soon. Everything was overhauled, from the processor (4 muti-cores now), GPU (512MB), HDD (total of 400GB), even the case is now smooth and shiny looking. 2. Neil Gaiman came yet again. Unfortunately, he only did a signing at Subic and not in Manila. And to think me and a couple of friends trooped to Fully Booked Boni High Street earlier than is supposed to. Disappointing. I doubt it's his idea though, and more of it has got to do with Fully Booked (I find myself hating that store and its holier-than-thou owner more and more). I'll try to post again when I'm in the mood, which is more along the lines of being melancholic and on the verge of depression. weave a dream

To old friends... [18 Oct 2007|01:02am] So yeah, had a blast tonight. Went to CYMA this evening, had platefuls of scrumptious Greek food, got a few laughs and talked about a lot of things. The affair was made special by "rare pokemons" attending the event. It was, as one Tomo-Kai fellow member suggested, a great gathering of old friends and acquaintances alike. We just wish it happens more often than it does. Some of the people that were there: Rais, Reynan, Pleasant, Eden, Abel, Anj, Tash and her boyfriend Robert (these two are inseparable), Flor and Sicnarf (so are these two, as they are married), Bamu, Jol, Lloyd, Jason, Denu and Jengga (you'll probably notice by now that the people I conjoin together are couples), Jona, Rose, Bryanne, Majoy, Marj, and one other I forgot. Kudos to Jengga for the planning. It was nice to have all these people gather round a good meal and talk about things past. And the conversation can't get any more colorful than with them. Even when we are to say our good-byes and that last minute snapshot that is to be taken again and again and again, we just don't seem to be able to end the night right there and then. It's good to know there are things that ought to be remembered and never forgotten. And I'll dine and drink to that. weave a dream

A few notes [11 Oct 2007|03:06am] [ mood | ecstatic ] So. Mmhmm... I haven't been posting lately, mainly because there's not much to tell. A day gone, a night spent. That's all there is to it. A few things I would like to tell, though. First up, my PSP's now all fixed. Got the broken analog stick replaced, then had it converted to 3.40OE-A. Of course I was excited, as I'll be able to play the old games that I had here. Metal Gear Acid, that can wait for as long as I care, it sucks anyway. But Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, I can gawk and laugh and pounce people on that. GTA: Vice City that I played before on the PS2 (before that one broke, too) was a hell of a game. So naturally, I had high expectations for GTA:LCS and I wasn't disappointed. So there. Finally something that I can amuse myself with. It was only to much surprise and celebration that I found out I could play old PS1 games, too. So after that, there was a lot of scrambling and searching and torrenting old games that I used to love. First on the list, Metal Gear Solid (sorry, but this one remains as my ultimate game). Xenogears came next (haven't finished it yet), Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (gotta love 2D), then Brave Fencer Musashi (that Zelda clone by Square), Chrono Cross (played the prequel, of course I had to play this), Silent Hill (kickass horror), and finally, Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver (best story on the platform, in my opinion). The privilege didn't come with a price, though. Most, if not all, had some glitches, namely the sound. There were bits and pieces of certain games that had choppy audio. But I didn't care. I was much too happy and thankful I could play these beauties once again. But oh, the euphoria and exhiliration didn't end there. I also learned that I could play pirated PSP games, too! And all could be stored to my memory card! No more buying expensive UMD's, no more drooling on released games that I couldn't afford to acquire. All I had to do is search it out on the net. Ah, how utterly delightful. I had a few bumps along the way, though. The battery was also broken, so I got it changed and paid a hefty sum for it. A few days after I got the PSP fixed, the analog stick felt stiff, and the movement oftentimes transfixed to the right. Fortunately, I returned to the store where I got it repaired, and they restored it without any charge. So there. A good and working PSP at last. Now I can't wait to know what else I can do with it. Also, I have reformatted my PC for the umpteenth time. I really don't know if it's a sign that it will break down any day now. I reckon it's the HD that's reeling from all the punishment it has suffered through the years. The fan also doesn't bode well. From what I've been informed, only 2 blades remain, out of a possible 8. Gotta find a replacement for that soon, too. I had to reinstall everything from the OS, to the apps, to even the minute details I used to tweak this machine with. I just hope it holds out until we get a better substitute. And oh yeah, bought a whole box of Lucky Strikes last time I went to the grocery. They used to cost around P600+, so I stopped buying them as they were pretty expensive. Luckily though, they cost around P300+ this time. 5 granted boons| weave a dream

[17 Aug 2007|02:23am] My mother's leaving in a couple of hours, going to the US. The chaos it will entail is - to exaggerate - monumental. There'll be no authority figure left, sans me, in the house. I had too much dose of accountability and responsibility the last time she left for another country. So I passed up on the opportunity that I take charge. ===== My condolences to Lloyd. I didn't know her, so I guess there's not much to say. Could've been interesting to meet her, though, seeing how you turned up to be. Still, my heart-felt condolences. 1 granted boon| weave a dream

It's a wide world out there. You could get lost... [27 Jul 2007|01:17am] [ mood | pensive ] One night, as I was browsing my journal, I got a little curious to the comments that were written on some of the entries. I never really paid much attention to them. I don't know why, but I guess comments on a journal really looks... well, strange. You don't see a lot of diaries with other people's opinion written underneath the author's. Maybe it comes with the technology, but they seem strange to me nevertheless. (This is not me trying to say that I don't want you people commenting on my entries. That's not it. You could write anything for all I care. :D I would even perhaps encourage you to write some to hold discussions. Really, I'm not that conceited.) Anyway, some of them were really way weird beyond the usual strangeness. People I don't even know, or hardly knew, were commenting. There's janetgeorgia saying that she would like to talk to me about something important, but didn't want to run any unpleasantness with my girlfriend. The thing is, I didn't have a girlfriend at the time. And I don't know anyone that goes by the name of Janet Georgia. Simply put, I completely don't know the person. I was like, "Who the hell is she? o_O" Then I took some investigating, found out that she lives in the US, got pregnant by a guy, and by the looks of her last entry, was seemingly alive and happy. And I was left feeling perplexed on how on earth she knew my LJ. There's also wintersylph. Well, her location is in close proximity compared to janetgeorgia. At least she's not from the other side of the world, that's for sure. She'd said that she also liked Ragnarok Online, and proceeded to tell who her characters are in particular servers. But the thing is, I also didn't know her. @_@ I've never met her, even in-game. It's a different case on alwayzcrazy. Well, I knew her, but not a lot. Met her once IRL, met her a lot of times in-game, but didn't really get to talk to each other much. And now that I look back, I hardly knew her, too! You know what seems stranger than all of these? That they stopped posting at their own journal for quite some time. And now that they're gone, I don't know how to get to know them. I don't know how to contact them. I've searched high and low for them across the internet, all in vain. As if their tracks vanished all of a sudden. Kinda makes me regretful that I didn't take the time to get to know them, even though I could in an instant. I was thinking that maybe, however fleeting our encounters were, I should have gotten to know who they are, what makes them happy, what makes them cry, their desires, their despairs, their delusions, their dreams. I guess I should really be thankful. That even for once, people knew me. That for some time, people knew I existed, that I wasn't alone in this part of the world. Communication and connection are hard to attain these days. It's ironic that the very same technology that's supposed to bring us together, drives us apart. We are so engrossed on it, that we forget to talk to each other, tell stories, laugh with each other, console each other. We forgot to be human after all. (On a side note, my girlfriend confides that nobody visits her journal. She thinks that nobody is interested at her writings. And she also thinks it's beneficial, considering that she would like to hide a lot of things from the world. I don't know what to make of it.) 4 granted boons| weave a dream

The end begins... [24 Jul 2007|01:31pm] And so it is. I now have Deathly Hallows, the final installment of the Harry Potter series. The euphoria surrounding it has been lost on me, to tell you quite frankly. I just want it to end, like all beginnings do, as it's supposed to be. (And no, the book is not really mine. It's my sister's. So apologies to all who wants to borrow it from me.) Expect me to be out of contact for the next few days, for I'll be consuming the book voraciously. Hwek hwek hwek hwek. weave a dream

[13 Jul 2007|01:55am] I know it's late, and I'm bound to scold myself again in the morning. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm not tired. I'm not exhausted. I'm just aimless, that's all, without a particular sense of direction. And I'm dying for heaven or hell to just give me a glimpse of what I'm supposed to do, and give me the wit to do it. But beyond all these wanderings, all these journeyings, I've forgotten why I'm here in the first place. Have you ever wondered how many lives you've touched? Have you ever just stopped and think, "Who are the ones that I've met?" I remember vaguely the people that I knew, their faces stamped in a cluttered mesh of memories. Beneath their meaningless names and indecipherable masks are moments to treasure, even the ones that I would rather throw away. Childhood. Neighbors. Grade School. High School. College. Orgs. The Internet. These and all others, are what had made my life a teeming hodge-podge of laughter, grief, anger, fear, and regret. It all seems strange now, the past. Utterly alien, foreign, desolate. The people that I've met, I wonder how they're doing now? Would their plight be any different had I not met them, had I not known them? Would I be any different? 12 granted boons| weave a dream

Wanted: sheets of organized paper with pen [30 Mar 2007|02:47am] [ mood | contemplative ] I really need to buy a notebook where I can put my thoughts into. 2 granted boons| weave a dream

Growing up [13 Mar 2007|05:48am] It's been a journey. I've been a crybaby, a spoiled brat, a spooked first-grader, a boorish grade-schooler, a boastful freshman, a timid senior, an optimistic college student, a free-spirited teenager, a lazy worker, a brooding writer, an irresponsible friend, and a heart-broken lover. Despite being all these things, an important aspect of life continuously eludes me. I have failed, time and time again, to grow up. I've heard of people saying it happens to all of us. The transition from infant to child to a man is not always pleasant, but we all get to do it, one way or another. We've all been there. We've always had someone to tell us that it's time to grow up. Or ourselves reminding us to. But somehow, we refuse to abide by the rules, to act reasonably, to think the way other grownups do. I still remember when I didn't want to be obedient. When I was a child my mother used to tell me to wash my hands after I've played in the streets. I didn't always heed her advice. The punishment to that was me having a stomache. 20 years later, it has changed to me feeling guilty about something I've done. Everybody used to say, there are rules that are in place to make our lives easier. There are systems that are kept in check to make ourselves not having to go through all that bloody mess. But somehow, it didn't feel like it. Do you remember when you last broke the rules? Did you also feel that it was stupid, that you're much better off not following it? And then afterwards learning that indeed, you should've listened? I've never really liked change. I think I never will. And I think I'll refuse to grow up until I have to. weave a dream

[25 Dec 2006|05:25am] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | Bakit Part 2 - Mayonnaise ] It's 4:30, Christmas morn. I've been awake mostly by beer and chicken, my stomach aches, and I have no space to lie my back and get that shut-eye. Half of the house is already asleep, and half of it is playing bet-all (a card game, much like a poor-man's poker). I've been sitting here in front of the comp, reminiscing on memories past, the images sweeping by me in droves. I had not felt much more alone, despite the company of home. It's been a while. Friends had come and gone. They've gone to build careers of their own, and have begun to live what life has to offer them. I've relied on them so much, I have been mendicant on small emotions that bring me joy and sadness, appreciation of everything that I have, and scorn of what I haven't. They've been so much of a support. I had good times, and found solace in the fact that come what may, problems can be solved on cases of beer and bottles of cheap wine and whiskey. They're good people. But I still remain a fool. It's been a rollercoaster ride. I had pride in how I view things differently. People had called me strage, weird, aloof, anti-social, philosophical, thoughtful, a gentleman, and all sorts of labels. I was comfortable in my zone. But now that reality had reared its ugly head, I am now doubtful. I feel drunk. weave a dream

[24 Dec 2006|10:15pm] It took a friend's blog to make me want to write again. As I sat there wondering how funny and interesting it could be, I remembered what it's like to write things on something, and then going back after few months or maybe some years, then just read what you wrote. Things could turn out sad, or they could make you laugh, or make you wonder what you've been doing all these years. But mostly, it will make you feel nostalgic. Yeah, I wanted to do it again. I want myself to go reading again on some rant or post or mumblings that's driving me insane and wasn't struck with laziness to write it down. Thank you for your insights and your thoughts. I had enjoyed them very much. They made me laugh. They made me sad. They made me smile. But most of all, they made me want to write again. 2 granted boons| weave a dream

[15 Jul 2005|02:24am] I was about to abandon this part of my life, but recent events have forced me to think otherwise. I guess I was only too excited and too enthusiastic about what went on these past few days that I felt compelled to write something about it, lest the memory slips away. When my friends and I pondered on the idea that Neil Gaiman, renowned author of the Sandman series and a personal favorite, would come to this part of the world, we immediately dismissed the idea at once. We thought that it was too far out to come true. A friend at that time said, "In our dreams, yeah, maybe." Ironically, it did happen. Neil Gaiman came here at July 9-11, for a booksigning job that the British Council organized (unto which Fully Booked, a local bookstore, hogged all the limelight). I learned about his upcoming visit months before, so I made some necessary plans for this great event. This is the moment we have all been dreaming about. It was so shocking and unexpected (the Gaiman visit) that when it did occur, we are still dumbfounded days after. Some details I would be willing to share: *Neil "doodled" on my copy of Endless Nights and Dreamhunters. He draw a Morpheus and a fox, respectively. *Throughout the course of the booksigning, I gave him two "presents": a necklace with a coral I kept for the longest time; and a piece of paper on which his name is written in our ancient style of writing, the Alibata. *I had 7 of his works signed, namely: Endless Nights, Dreamhunters, Brief Lives, Smokes and Mirrors, Death High Cost of Living, The Kindly Ones, and Sandman Book of Dreams. *Adulation and admiration may be some of the things one can give to a favored person. Extreme fanaticism is not. weave a dream

[24 Jan 2005|07:26am] [ mood | restless ] People had been clamoring that I write again in this journal. It really has been a long time since I wrote something worthwhile, something to ponder upon. But that is exactly the reason why I havent been writing for the longest time. I have stopped pondering things and begun to live them. So, farewell is all I leave you, but it is as existential as the very dreams we rise up from everytime we wake up. I know that I shall come back, but until then, I'll dream as I please. 3 granted boons| weave a dream

[11 Jul 2004|12:16am] [ mood | indifferent ] It's been a hot day. As I slept way past 7AM, a tingling sense of irony and exhaustion crept through me, and flooding even my dreams. Why do we dream when we are most tired? I woke up at 4PM. The first thought that came to mind was "Where is this place?" I hurried to the kitchen, only find out that our supply of coffee ran out. I have to settle on a stick of smokes, then. Realizing that tonight was another episode of Arjuna waiting for me to digress and digest upon, I cleared my thoughts for the rest of the day. I did nothing but sit, eat doughnuts (some of which were chocolate), and watch some light shows. For one to fully enjoy Arjuna, you had to have a relaxed mind. I didnt even dare to play RO for fear of becoming more stressed out. I settled for an episode of Bebop. As the day neared its light end, the air was humid, and my back was wet with sweat. I took a refreshing bath, only to come out feeling more sweaty than ever. I have to keep myself from falling out of depression, and that episode of Bebop didnt even help out a bit. Heavy with thoughts I could not bear alone, I ate dinner staring into the blank space between a chair and the table. Arjuna had its final episode aired. I tell you, if you get to watch one of its episodes, you'll stare at your hands and ponder why you didnt see that things did really make sense in the first place. I have nothing but praises for the series. As it ended, I felt content and light-headed. After I watched, my brother insisted that I teach him to play the guitar. He sings like a tone-deaf Russian and has lead for fingers, but his determination to learn is incomparable. I consented to his demands, and soon after he learned to pull out some nice chords. With a bit of practice and a lot of MTV's, he'll soon learn how to weave some good music. Just he stay away from pop and disco, and he'll do fine. I had nothing left to do for the rest of the day, so I guess after a bit of playing RO, I'll hit the sack and once again feel secured. Good day to you. 3 granted boons| weave a dream

It is over... [10 Jul 2004|03:12am] [ mood | regretful ] [ music | Gravity by Yoko Kanno ] You know, I used to like sunsets. I would usually watch it at the top of Bahay ng Alumni. In fact, I used to watch it with someone else. Nothing ever makes me feel more exhilarated than the sun signaling the end of its apparition, when light strikes the sky and scatters it with hints of gold. And as the last streaks of its warmth vanishes, night takes its place and envelopes the world in a shroud of darkness, telling the benighted creatures on this part of the world that soon after, comfort will be attained under the tumultuous stars. Ah, twilight descends. I had never loved before. For I know that it, too, would vanish just like the sun in the sky. I have tried once, and failed only miserably. That only led me to fear it. But deep inside me, a longing remains that can never be vanquished, only to gradually rise up inside. A longing to be with someone that I can be with. And so with the utmost trepidation, I plunged at something I dreaded to do. It had never been so remarkable. I cherished the thought that even for a while, I can pretend that it would never cease. I drowned myself on the new sensation that was flooding me. Noon had arrived at my time, and it had stayed on the highest pitch on the longest span. In fact, the passion had engulfed me, the whole of my body, and the whole of my mind. But alas, drinking the poison and its cure was never meant to enrich anything. It only filtered my soul. And now, I am left with nothing but a cold heart. In case you're wondering what this is all about, it is about a lady. With so much to give, I willingly obliged to receive. I plunged myself into an abyss with no knowledge whatsoever as to what lay beneath. I had loved her dearly, but the fear of it not coming to an end (as I expected before that everything ends) only made me to dread more this onslaught of feelings. I had been happy, content, and satisfied, but I anticipated something more than a silly fairy-tale. In my desire to explore, I had only doomed myself. You ever wonder why people are not satisfied with what they have? It's because they want their lives to be happier and easier. Take for example divorced couples. As they're married, they are happy with one another. Then they fight, little at first, but gradually increasing. To the man, his wife irritates him with her nagging. To the woman, her husband never listens to her. As time increases, so do their indifference to one another. Then it ascends to hate. Little by little, they both realize that life can be easier for them if they separate. In an apparent desire to end it all, they file for a divorce. At first, it seems that all is well. But they do realize a little later that life can never be the same. In doing so, they have separated what is "happy" and what is "easy". It's the same for other things. In our desire for our hair to be both "beautiful" and "easier to manage," we buy so many hair products. The result is often damaged hair. In our wanting to "eat delicious food" and "have it quickly", we order at fast food restaurants, resulting in an unhealthy body. To be able to "be somewhere" and "do it fast" we ride in a vehicle, resulting in pollution. In order "to be rich" and "be rich quick," we cheat, kill, steal, resulting in a corrupt soul. In my effort to "understand what is going on" and "make my life easier," I have lost her to another man, one that I cannot compete with. And so twilight descends, as my sun has set. 1 granted boon| weave a dream

[10 Jul 2004|03:02am] This journal has long been neglecte (yet again). It's been at least 5 months since I wrote something worthwhile. And as events came and passed me by, I have concerned myself with more futile activity than logging here and writing my thoughts. And now, as I am at the peak of my insanity, I resolved to write it down before I get hauled to the psychiatric ward and lock me there forever. Good day to you. weave a dream

In the land of Mao [07 Jan 2004|12:37am] It's already been 3 days since I arrived here in Guangdong, China. At first, it was all surreal, the probability of me going to a foreign land where the people look and smell different. Apparently, I am and am not disappointed, both at the same time. It all started when my father inquired whether I would like to go to China for a visit. With all the lush mountains and cool breeze from the sea, it would have been paradise for the senses. Plus, it would be a break from the hum-drum and screams of despression and desperation of Metro Manila. So, leaving behind all my worries and problems behind, I set off for the famed land of the Dragon. But the flight was to be a waypoint of this whole experience. I had not flown before, and my life-long dream of soaring the skies and touching the clouds would now be realized. If only this was a plane I would be piloting, it would have been PERFECT. No matter, I have seen the clouds beneath me for the first time. It was all that I needed. As soon as I saw the buildings and ports of HongKong, my eyes oggled at the very view out the window. Panis ang Manila. Countless buildings abound, and the waters were full to the brim with ships a-sailing. And the next thing one would notice are the mountains... It's just like those portrayed at the paintings. Even in Hong Kong, ranges and ranges of these mountains can be seen in the horizon. And they dont normally have the lazy sloping attribute of ours, but like stalactites (or is it stalagmites? o.O) jutting out of the ground. Mountains here are so many, you'd wonder if they really have plains where they could do agriculture. And then you'd notice the trees... They are scarce, whereas ours are a dime a dozen. The absence of trees only make the mountains look blah. They really just look like big slabs of stone, with only grass growing on it. No wonder the inhabitants here lay roads through the hills. For them, its just blocks their way. As for the citizens, they really do look and smell different. I have never seen so many Intsik in my entire life, speaking the same language as those only seen from Chinatown. And if you think that they're all prim and proper, with their skin so white and their hair neatly done, you're in for a disappointment, bub. They stink. Not like the Arabians, but they still stink. Their odor can be likened to the smell of dog food or cat food. The reason? The weather here is so cold, you'd just bathe once in every week. That's not all, the language barrier is really hard to conquer. You'd really need an interpreter if you wanna roam the streets and malls of this country. For now, my only entertainment is the net, and RO, and the countless DVD and VCDs that you can buy very cheap at shops. I have postponed touring the rest of China 'til next week. At least, I can now at last enjoy the sunshine here without fear of inhaing smog in my lungs. 6 granted boons| weave a dream

A new acquaintance... [27 Oct 2003|03:01am] I had included LadyAthena in my friends' list. A fellow wizard and a new acquaitance in the EB, I just recently learned that she has an lj account. She knows Rad, a fellow TK member, and scythe, a friend many many moons ago. Now I'm off to hunt other RO people with lj accounts... 9 granted boons| weave a dream

The past 3 months in a nutshell [27 Oct 2003|02:35am] Ragnarok online launch last September. Shadowmaidens' EB last Saturday. Tons of events in between. 1. My mom and my 2 youngest brothers had migrated to China to join my dad. 2. The sem went by in a flash, with the TK application period being over without my information. 3. Ragnarok Online remains my crusade for the meantime, eating away countless hours of sleep and "quality time." weave a dream

Ragnarok Online is addicting.... [27 Oct 2003|02:27am] The rest of my life has been tucked inside the confines of my inventory and the memories of the people I have met. I swore then that I would dedicate myself to a game where monsters and players alike are interacted upon on the same level and magnitude. Surely, this game has two faces. Either it can addle your brain and strand you in places like Glast Heim or Clock Tower, or imprison you in the throngs of avatars seeking to break away from the limits of the wire. Whichever happens, it's still more than a game. It's an experience. weave a dream

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