Why is it the people who "love" you cause you so much pain out of all those meant to protect us they cut us so deeply. I thought this would be the last of my disappointments and i would finally find something real but here i am again in tears. angry and sad at the same time. I wanted this to work so bad but its hard when you don't get outside. you need air to think clearly and i think the little bit of air i just got got me thinking straight. this just isn't working.and i should step back before it becomes worse.

Is it so strange the things that bother me? i find there simple. a need for respect and openess a kindness and to be treated like im special all the time not just 50 percent of the day. Maybe I don't deserve it maybe thats what he thinks that i just am the way i am to show off something like he says. I ask how he's doing and he says its just so i could get at him some way. im confused.this isn't right though to feel this way. and to hurt this much. I ask for advice and all i get is silence. I mean does all the happiness
clear up all the pian? how does this work? am I giving up to easily if i leave now? eh I guess It will all come to me when I'm ready to receive it.

angry kat!

yummy japanese fooddddd .... drool

i carry your heart with me by ee cummings:

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings