Wesley/Giles - Only When You Leave (Parts 1 & 2) - R
Title: Only When You Leave
Rating: R
Setting: Post S4 of Angel
Words: 4528
Summary: Giles fights for Wesley's life
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns them, I don't. I'm only borrowing them for entertainment purposes.



Part One

One of the things you learn when you're a Watcher is that you shouldn't get involved with others. No emotional attachments, no silly little relationships. Your main goal is to serve the Council and nothing else. You learn quickly how fragile life is and going to your peers' funerals becomes second nature. Demons don't care if you're in love or if you have a family at home.

And as he pushed the door of the house open, Giles had begun to wish he'd taken it all to heart.

Wesley was missing. He should have been home hours ago and he hadn't answered his cell phone. Wesley always had his cell phone on. Giles knew he should have never sent him here alone. Deep down, he blamed himself for Wesley having to do this alone. If only he'd been a better person when he was younger instead of being an ass and dabbling in things he had no right to dabble in.

They'd been trailing a demon, a powerful one, who used magicks to will people to do what he wanted. He'd been stalking a family and they needed help. They'd came to Wesley and Giles, hoping they could get rid of the creature. The moment Giles heard the demon's name, his heart clenched in his chest. If they were to take the job, he'd have to stand on the sidelines and allow Wesley to do most of the work.

Wesley was ready, and willing, to do whatever it took. He never once questioned Giles' motives for wanting to take a backseat to the case. He knew the man he loved would tell him the reasons why when he seen fit and pushing him wouldn't give him the answers he wanted. Besides, he liked being in charge for once and wanted to prove himself.

As Giles crept through the dark house, he chastised himself for allowing Wesley come here alone. He should have hidden himself close by in case something happened. It was his responsibility to protect Wesley, just like Wesley was always trying to protect him. You don't send the man you love into a hopeless battle. But he kept telling himself that Wesley was stronger now. He'd survived having his throat cut and had grown from the experience.

Strong or not, Giles couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. He continued his walk through the house, wanting nothing more than to whisper Wesley's name but he couldn't. The demon could still be there and he couldn't alert it to his presence. It was one of the demons he'd called upon in his younger years and Giles still owed him for the power the demon gave him. That's why Wesley had to come alone.

He should've told the family no when they came to the office asking for help. Wesley would have never said no though. He was so bent on doing the job Angel had abandoned in order to take over Wolfram and Hart. He was going to be the one to help the helpless, with or without his friends help. Of course none of them stayed and when Giles showed up in Los Angeles, Wesley was going at it alone.

As he passed by some empty bedrooms, Giles tried to remember why he'd decided to stay and help. Wesley and him had formed a friendship of sorts over the years, one that wasn't possible while Wesley was in Sunnydale. They talked regularly on the phone, asking each other for advice on several occasions. They'd even seen each other a few times and neither one could predict where things would end up.

The thought of them falling in love was laughable at best but it happened. Giles was happy though and would never give up what he had with Wesley. If only he could find him. The house was rather large and he still had the upstairs to check.

The last room on the first floor was the living room. It was dimly lit with a small lamp and when Giles stepped into it, the first thing he noticed was the broken furniture lying about. He chewed on his bottom lip and stepped in further. The demon was in the corner, its body against the wall and its head lying on the floor. At least Wesley had killed it.

Stepping around the sofa, Giles stopped in his tracks when he saw the body lying before him. It was Wesley, or what at least looked like him. His body was caked in blood and the carpet underneath him had turned a dark shade of red. Giles squeezed his eyes closed, hoping he was just imagining things but when his eyes opened again, Wesley was still there.

"Oh, God," muttered Giles before he dropped to his knees. The blood from the carpet started to soak the knees of his trousers as he moved closer to the other man. Placing his hand on Wesley's cheek, he softly tapped it with his fingers. "Wesley? Wake up."

There was no movement from him and it scared Giles. His eyes traveled down Wesley's body and he saw the tears in his jumper and the gashes in his skin. Giles pulled off his glasses and took a deep breath. The demon had used a spell on Wesley, one that was made to cause a person to slowly bleed to death and the only way to stop it was with the use of a reversal spell.

"I can fix this, I promise," whispered Giles as he shoved his glasses back on his face. He trailed his fingers down Wesley's cheek and over the pulse of his neck. He closed his eyes again and said a silent prayer, hoping he wasn't too late. There wasn't a pulse and he began to panic. He couldn't be dead.

Giles removed his fingers from Wesley's neck and leaned over, placing his head on the other man's chest. He sighed when he heard the thumping of a heart but quickly frowned. He wasn't hearing Wesley's heart, instead he was hearing his own, which was pounding in his chest. Taking a deep breath in, Giles held it and willed his heart to slow down so he could properly hear. After a few seconds, he finally heard the faint beating of his lover's heart.

"Good," he whispered. "Good. Just hang on, all right? I need to find a book to help you." Giles turned on his knees and eyed the room's bookshelves. "Just let me find the right one. I won't leave, I promise."

Standing from the carpet, he went to one of the shelves and started to quickly go through the books. He had to help Wesley before he died. Buffy came to his mind as he thought about how hard it was for her to come back from the dead. He certainly didn't want that for Wesley. Giles could never live with himself if he knew he'd pulled Wesley out of Heaven.

~*~

"Do you think we'll be this happy in Heaven?"

"I'm not going to Heaven."

"What? What are you getting on about?"

"People who betray their friends don't get access to Heaven. Remember what Dante said..."

"Dante was a fool! You aren't going to Hell, Wesley. You made a mistake. It's not the same..."

"Perhaps."

~*~

A frown creased Giles' mouth as he thought back to the conversations he'd had with Wesley about Heaven. Wesley was sure he was going to Hell because of what he'd done with Connor. Giles had tried his best to reassure him but Wesley never believed it. He hated how Wesley was still living with the ghosts of what happened. Giles could never understand why Wesley couldn't forgive himself. From what he understood, Connor was a well-adjusted college student now.

Perhaps he wasn't meant to understand it. There were certainly things in his past he didn't indulge Wesley with. And there were times when Giles wondered if they were holding back parts of their lives out of fear of rejection. Giles knew he'd never reject Wesley but he feared Wesley would rejected him if he knew of some of the things he'd done in his youth.

That's why he's bleeding to death, Rupert. Didn't you cast this spell on someone once? Karma's a funny thing, isn't it?

"Oh, shut it," he fiercely whispered before grabbing the last book off the shelf. He gave the walls a menacing look as if to scold them for talking out of turn. Giles knew the voice came from within him but he didn't want to openly admit it because it was true. He'd used the spell on someone once before. Some hapless bloke who'd crossed him. But he didn't want to think about the past at the moment.

"Found it!" he announced holding up the book. His moment of pride was short-lived when he turned and saw even more blood had seeped from the wounds on Wesley's body. Giles knew he was running out of time.

Moving back to Wesley, he sat the book down on the blood covered carpet and stared down at his lover. It frightened him, seeing him like that. He shook his head and checked for a heartbeat again. It was weak but it was still there. Just hearing the faint beat was enough to snap Giles out of his daze. He knew he was wasting time and the spell needed to happen soon, or Wesley would die.

His fingers, which were red with Wesley's dried blood, moved over the page of the book. He needed to cast a circle and for that he needed candles, among other things. Giles didn't make a habit of carrying supplies with him. Just a weapon, some holy water and a cross. He liked to plan his magic out before performing it but there wasn't time now.

Once again he stood from his spot on the floor and started to look through the room. What he needed had to be there and it didn't take him long to find it. He quickly reclaimed his spot next to Wesley and started to prepare his circle, his mind wandering from one point of his relationship with Wesley to another.

Giles knew they were happy together. They'd established an easy routine and it gave them both a sense of solace. He knew Wesley would be there in the morning when he woke up. He knew the other man would be there for him whenever he needed him. Giles had gotten used to having him in his life and the thought of Wesley leaving made his chest tighten and burn.

"Pull yourself to together." Giles muttered, chastising himself for getting emotional. There wasn't room for emotions right now. He had to think about Wesley. He had to save him from dying. "You can't leave," he whispered as he lit the candles with a shaky hand. "Remember? You made that ruddy promise of staying with me forever. I-I know I acted like a complete wanker and taunted you about it but you promised. You can't go back on your word."

~*~

"I love you."

"You only say that when you're about to leave."

"Really?"

"Yes, love. And if I recall, you're going to be gone for the day."

"I suppose I am. Maybe I should change that? I should say it more often."

"Perhaps you should, Wesley."

~*~

Dropping his lighter to the floor, Giles brought his arm up and angrily wiped the wetness from his eyes. "Stop. You can't do this. Not now." He picked the lighter back up and set on lighting the candles again when he heard a groan.

His body stiffened as he feared that the demon really wasn't dead. Giles glanced to his right and noticed it was still in its corner. No, the noise didn't come from the demon. He then glanced toward Wesley and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw a pair of blue eyes staring up at him.

"Hello, love," Giles whispered, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Ru-Rupert," Wesley pushed out, his face conveying the pain he felt. "Y-You came."

"Shh, don't speak." Giles placed his finger against Wesley's lips and held it there. "I'm taking care of things. Things will be all right."

"You always take c-care of things. I love you."

Giles squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head before removing his finger from Wesley's lips. "Don't say it. You only say it when you..." His voice trailed off and he opened his eyes.

Wesley's eyes were starting to close but he had a small smile at his face. "It's not your fault, Rupert. Please remember that." The smile then disappeared and his eyes closed.

"Wesley?"

There was no answer. Giles furrowed his brow and leaned down, close to the other man. He pressed his ear against Wesley's chest and listened for the familiar sound but it was gone. Wesley's heart had stopped.

To be continued...




Part Two

"You're going to kill yourself doing that."

"No I'm not."

"You aren't a primate. You shouldn't be climbing about like one!"

"I'm on a step stool, Wesley."

"Well, I suppose. I just don't want to come home and find you bleeding to death on the floor."

"You won't."

~*~

There was a wetness sliding down Giles' face as he laid there, his ear still pressed to Wesley's chest. It had to be a mistake. Wesley wasn't dead. "You promised," whispered Giles, who was almost frightened by how tiny his voice suddenly sounded. He had a decision to make and crying over it wasn't helping matters.

Pulling himself away from Wesley's chest, Giles sat back on his heels and stared down at Wesley's face. His hand automatically went to his own cheeks and wiped at the wetness as his eyes continued to stare down. Giles knew there was two things he could do: try to resuscitate Wesley or move on with the spell. Normally he would weigh out all his options but time was ticking away and he didn't have such luxuries at the moment.

As he pushed his bloody fingers through his hair, Giles didn't know what to do next. There was still a few things left to do before he could perform the spell, which meant Wesley would remain in his state a few moments longer. Perhaps resuscitation was in order. At least Wesley would be alive when the spell was perform. But then again, what if Giles couldn't revive him? That would end up wasting even more time.

His mind wandered back to Buffy again. When he saw how she was almost a shell of herself after Willow's spell, Giles had promised himself no one around him would ever do such a spell again. They weren't God and they shouldn't pretend they were. Maybe it was best if he took his own advice and not be a hypercritic. Perhaps it was Wesley's time to go.

A sob escaped his mouth and his shoulders slumped forward. Giles didn't want to say goodbye, not yet at least. They still had numerous years before them and he wanted to be selfish and keep Wesley forever. He didn't want to see another coffin, holding a loved one, lowered into the ground. He didn't want people to pat his back and tell him how sorry they were for his lost.

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose as his mind got lost in a million different thoughts. Would Wesley be upset with him for pulling him back? Maybe being dead was what the other man needed in order to find peace at last. And who was he to deny that?

Another strangled sob left his body and he shifted his weight on his knees. It was time to say goodbye and he struggled with what he wanted to say. A mere 'goodbye and thanks for the great shagging' didn't seem right. "Wesley," he quietly began as he shifted his weight again. His hand reached out and he carefully cradled Wesley's hand in it.

Giles' head snapped up. Wesley's hand was still warm; hot, actually. How could that be if he was dead? Inching closer, Giles held his breath and pressed his ear on Wesley's chest again. The other man's heart was beating once more. Magic. It was the magic which led Giles to believe Wesley was dead. It was trying to throw him off. Useful spell, especially if you're evil.

"Take a deep breath old man," he whispered to himself as he pulled away from Wesley, "you still need to perform the other spell or he'll really die."

Giles turned his attention back to the circle he'd been working on. The candles were still burning, quite brightly it seemed, and there was only a few more things he had left to do. Picking up a pouch, which was filled with the dried mucus of a troll, Giles reached inside and pinched some between his index finger and thumb. He sprinkled it over the candles and the flames turned from orange, to a dark green color. The flames needed to be red for the spell to work.

His eyes fell upon the book and he scanned the page for the last step he needed to do for the circle to be cast. He read the last line, took of his glasses, cleaned them, placed them back on, and read the line again. The spell wanted a sacrifice of sorts. He had to give the circle life in order to save a life. His brow furrowed when he remembered what Willow had done for her spell. He was quite sure there wasn't any baby does roaming about.

Giles pulled his glasses off again and pinched the bridge of his nose. There had to be a way to figure out what the spell wanted. He leaned down again and check Wesley, sighing when he heard there was still a heartbeat. And as he was leaning up again, something shiny caught his eyes.

Lying in Wesley's hand was the silver dagger Giles had gotten him months ago for his birthday. Giles was curious as to why Wesley would bring it along with him. The other man rarely touched it because he cherished it so much. The only time the dagger left it's spot on the wall was when Wesley took it down to show it off, or to polish it. Blinking his eyes rapidly, Giles was sure he'd seen the dagger before he'd left the flat. How did it get there?

Maybe Wesley had brought it along as a lucky charm. He was always saying how Giles was lucky for him so maybe he considered the dagger to be lucky as well. And seeing the dagger had made the logical part of Giles' brain kick in and he knew what he had to do. Reaching over his partner's body, he picked the weapon up.

It was suddenly obvious what the spell wanted. It wanted life for a life and blood was life. Without blood, a person would die. Giles had to allow his blood to pour within the circle in order to bring the magic forward. Without hesitating, he pushed the sleeve of his shirt up and placed the dagger's blade against his wrist. And with a quick yank of his hand, he cut into his skin and vein.

The blood was already starting to drip out so he quickly held his wrist over the middle of the circle. He clenched his fist and started to pump it to allow my blood to escape. Giles watched as his blood dripped to the floor, and within seconds, the flames of the candles started to glow a dark red. It had worked.

He quickly pulled his arm back and picked up the book. There was no time to waste and he needed to finish it so he could take Wesley home, where he'd be protected. The spell was in Latin and Giles quickly breezed through it, not noticing his wrist was still bleeding and the blood was staining his trouser. He was too busy concentrating on other things.

The final line of the spell tumbled from his lips and the atmosphere around him changed. The hairs on the back of his neck, and arms, stood up and his skin prickled. It felt, to him at least, like the spell was working but he wouldn't know until Wesley healed. Dropping the book to the side, Giles looked down at Wesley, trying to focus on him but it was difficult. The room had gotten warmer and Giles was starting to get queasy to his stomach.

His eyes traveled down to his wrist and that's when he realized he'd been bleeding the entire time. He ripped a strand of fabric off his shirt and tried his best to tie it around his wrist so he could stop the bleeding. It was hard but he finally got it. He looked at Wesley but the room was spinning so much and he couldn't tell if he was healing or not.

"I need to have a bit of a nap it seems," he quietly said to the room. He dropped down to his side and scooted close to Wesley. "I'll be here when you wake up, I promise." His eyes fluttered close and everything faded to black.

~*~

The light was bright. Bright enough for it to disturb Giles, even though his eyes were closed. Moaning softly, he turned his head to the other side and sighed when he was met with darkness again. He was still stuck somewhere between sleep and waking and he snuggled down on the soft surface below him. It took him a few moments to remember the last things he'd done before sleeping.

Wesley had been hurt and he'd performed a spell to save him. Giles slid his hand out, figuring he'd feel the rough, and sticky carpet Wesley had been lying on, but instead he felt a soft and cool surface. Without opening his eyes, he took a deep breath through his nose. Gone was the smell of blood, dirty and metallic, and it'd been replaced by the smell of the flowery fabric softener Wesley insisted they used on their linens.

"Rupert?"

Giles furrowed his brow, wondering why he was smelling Wesley's girly linens and hearing his voice. He should be smelling blood and hearing only Wesley's heart beat. Had the spell gone wrong?

"Rupert?!"

The voice was louder but it wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Giles was just dreaming. Wesley wouldn't be well enough to be talking right now. Giles knew his magic wasn't that good.

"Rupert! Can you hear me?"

"Christ Wesley, I'm not bloody deaf!" Giles grumped back, forgetting what he'd just thought. Even if it were just a dream, there was no reason for Wesley to yell.

"Sorry."

Giles sighed and finally forced his eyes open. He was in the room he shared with Wesley and as he focused, he saw Wesley sitting beside the bed with a worried look on his face. He looked pale, with dark circles under his eyes, and even though he looked very alive, Giles still didn't believe it was nothing more than a dream.

"You look good for someone who almost died just minutes before. Lovely dream this is," muttered Giles.

Wesley tilted his head to the side in confusion. "This isn't a dream, Rupert. I'm really here. See?" He reached out and pinched the other man's arm and Giles jump a little.

"Wesley! No need to be a wank--"

Giles stopped talking and blinked in confusion. If he could feel the pinch, then it wasn't a dream. Wesley was really alive and the spell had worked. "Oh, Wesley..." His voice caught in his throat as tears dampened his dry eyes. "You all right? You should be in bed!" Giles quickly pulled the bed cover back and patted the mattress. "Please?"

Wesley's lips turned up in a smile and he nodded before standing from the chair. He slid into the bed and moved close to Giles until their bodies touched. Then Wesley draped his arm around the other man's waist. He smiled when he saw the curious look on Giles' face. The other man was trying to figure out what happened.

"Want me to tell you?" asked Wesley. Giles nodded. "The demon and I fought and I was getting ready to chop his head off when he performed that ruddy spell on me. I don't think I've ever been in so much pain before. I got one swing in before stumbling across the room and passing out." He took a deep breath and tangled his legs with Giles as they laid on their sides.

"I heard everything you said while I was out. It was quite strange and when I woke up the first time, I felt as if my breath was being sucked away from me. I truly thought I was going to die, Rupert." Giles reached his hand up and softly stroked Wesley's cheek. "I didn't though but I could feel you grieving for me and I wanted to wake up and tell you I wasn't dead but couldn't."

"It's part of the spell," explained Giles before he leaned forward and softly kissed Wesley. He pulled back and smiled. "What happened when you woke up again? Hopefully the spell I cast worked properly and there are no side effects."

"It did. When I woke up, you were lying beside me, your wrist bleeding. You were half-awake so I helped you to my auto and brought you home. Then I bandaged up your wrist but you lost a lot of blood," he said, pointing down. Giles lifted his arm up and examined the neatly bandaged arm. "Thank you, Rupert. You really are a life saver. Good thing you brought my dagger along, eh?"

Giles rapidly blinked his eyes in confusion. "I didn't bring your dagger with me. I found it in your hand."

"Are you sure?" Giles nodded his with a serious look on his face. "Strange indeed. Do you think one of us willed it there without thinking about it?"

"I don't know. It's worth researching or perhaps we could just chalk it up to fate and leave it be?" asked Giles as he stopped a yawn from escaping his mouth.

Wesley smiled and watched Giles. "Yes, I believe it was fate. Someone must be looking out for us. Lets get some sleep, hmm? We can talk more later. It's been a long day." He waited for Giles to roll over onto his back before pulling him closer. Wesley laid his chin on top of Giles' head and sighed. "I love you." And when felt Giles' body stiffen, he quickly added, "I'm not leaving. I've decided it was time to change that bad habit."

Giles sighed and pressed his ear to Wesley's chest, just like he had hours before. This time his heart sounded strong and healthy. "I love you, Wesley," he quietly said as he allowed his lover's heartbeat to lull him to sleep as a feeling of peace and knowing overcame his body. He knew everything was once again right in the universe.

The End