User Profile Friends Calendar

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2007.10.27  06.12 Here I Come To Save The Day!!!! Not really. Just letting you know I'm alive... Even though the one person that WOULD check this kinda hates me... psh. What-the fuck-ever. Hi, I'm alive. And I'm fucking fabulous. Mood: tired Music: Best of House - Vol 1

	2007.05.28  21.06 Fresh From The Oven ( Batch One, Week One. ) Mood: sick

	2007.05.23  01.27 Good Friend And Update, good friends! I came a'snoop'n around ElJay again today for the first time in a while. I sneak over to my starringmegan journal and realize that I put up a friends only banner on May 23rd, 2005 but dated it 2007 in order for it to stay at the top. Well, if any of you noticed, today's date is May 23, 2007. I figured with me coming back to ElJay on that particular day, some sort of post had to be made, whether it was in this journal or not. I shall be posting secrets once a week. I have no decided if I would like them in this journal or starringmegan, but I will be sure to inform those interested. I think Quel is the only person who knows what I'm talking about... hm. I am well. I am tired and busy and sometimes frustrated and angry, but I am well altogether. I hope the same about you all. -Megan P.S.- I would like to say that I am amazed that I can still remember ElJay coding. Oh em gee. Mood: tired Music: Maroon 5 - It Won't Be Soon Before Long

	2006.10.20  01.58 The Ingenious Thoughts Of A Regular Girl? Not Likely. The in previous hours of my life, I have done much thinking. I have pondered the answers to many questions, including some that I have determined have no answers. I can not focus on the task at hand (and I don't even know what that task it). Thoughts of all shapes and colors have crossed my mind, many of them dark and dreadful. Some were full of love and understanding, but my pessimisum dismissed those thoughts with more dark ones. I understand how apathetic and disconnected I sound, but it's only because I have been apathetic and disconnected from everything. My past hours have been zoning. I can not do anything unless I am alone or zoned into something, such as dancing. Nothing has been holding satisfaction, not even my usual TV lineup. I have fallen deeply into Death Cab and not done much else except lie iin my pajamas and listen to them, pondering the aforementioned questions. Their music has been going in my ears for over 24 hours, and it still continues. I do not know how this is going to help any of what I have been feeling lately, but I figured I need to log the instances of my life that are noteworthy and I feel I need to log the dark, not just the light. It would be unfair to my morbid moments to ignore them. As an artist, I must embrace it all. Embrace it all. That used to be my motto. Funny how life turns around on you, isn't it? No. It's not funny at all. Today I adventured out to the valley to meet a simple American favorite. His name was Frank, and although he is a nationally recognized artist, he is just a regular guy providing theraputic help to people and himself. It contented me to know that it wasn't just something he made money on. It was something he really enjoyed. I wish to hermit myself in my room for a couple more days, but previous commitments have made it impossible. I must leave my house tonight for astronomy. Ah, well, at least it's something that brings me joy on this night. Tomorrow, I begin work again. My final week is approaching and I know not what it holds. Tonight, Grey's Anatomy is on. I hope this show will still give the simple happiness that it usually supplies me with. Here's a riddle for ya: pretend no one and nothing exisited. Who are you now? Mood: gloomy Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism

	2006.09.25  23.59 And How You Left Her Alone When everything is wrong, we move along. I'm so nervous and frightened and upset.  I feel like if I don't get this job, I won't be good enough for anyone.  I know it sounds lame and petty, but it's just how I feel.  I'm not going to have anyone with me and I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  I don't know why I think I can do this or anything. I feel pressured and I feel alone.  Not in an alone sense, but just in a lonely sense...  I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but... I understand it, and this is really only for me anyway. I don't know if this is actually me or just me being nervous about tomorrow.  Matt has to give his dog away and I can't help but think it's all my fault.  Bailey really is so freak'n cute, honestly.  Well, she got a little rowdy today and she bit my ear and pulled, drawing much blood and causing much, much pain.  Yeah, it hurt, but shit happens.  Matt's mom found out and now she is selling Bailey.  I can't help but think that it's my fault.  If I just acted like it didn't matter or hurt or anything, she still might be a Hunter.  I don't know. This could be my weird altered state of being due to my nervousness, but I can't freak'n help it. I feel like my entire life is balancing on the brink of "good" or "bad" and tomorrow is the deciding point that makes it clear which is which.  I am lonely. I am scared. I am confused. I am guilty. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.

	2006.09.18  16.33 Ouch This is posted here only because I know he never reads my Eljay. Matt said that the last four years of his life has been the worst.  Not some of the worst, THE worst.  I was offended.  I AM offended... how am I supposed to react?  I mean...  the worst years of his life!  That's a huge deal... that's saying that I'm part of the worst years of his life!!  I reacted accordingly.  And then when I acted offended, he didn't apologize or rearrange what he said.  He just said, "that's not what I meant."  And then when I kept on about it, HE got mad at ME and said he didn't hate anyone except me...  I mean...   ouch. I am honestly and deeply offended... and hurt.  I might be overreacting, but... I don't think he understands how hurt I was.  Fine, I'm overly sensitive.  Whatever.  I still think I'm right. Does this make sense?  I hope so...

	2006.08.24  19.35 Whaaaaaaat? I don't think they're allowing MySpace to be an accessed website anymore at Moorpark.  >=O What the hell?  It's not bad!  Yeah, it can distract from... whatever, but if they're a good student anyway, then why does it matter? WAH.... give it back to me.  =( Maybe it's just my computer.  I'll go downstairs and let you know how it turns out.  Mood: annoyed Music: Typie Typie...

	2006.06.18  00.27 Hide and Seek MySpace:  So blogs aren't working over there lately.  It's been a while.  This happened last time and I was like, "Jigga wha?" But then they started working again a couple days later.  I've waited for-freaking-ever  for them to work again, and they haven't.  So... I've returned to livejournal land.  Hello. Car:  Okay...  I  still don't have a car and it's uber-lamesauce.  I don't even know how I make it to work and back sometimes.  I spent $40 on a taxi once...  it was horrible.  I wanted to shoot myself in the head... not really, but you get it.  It's hard to save up for a car because I'm so in debt right now (with everything).  I just...  I'm stressed out my money situation, so... yeah.  Anyway, my parents are getting a new car tomorrow!   Isn't that amazing?!  I'm so happy for them!!!  They've been waiting for this day for so long... and now they're like, "We're buying a car tomorrow, Megan."  So... yeah.  We're keeping the van (aka the Whale, the Boat, the Woodpecker) and they said I'll be able to use that to go back and forth to work but they don't want me using it for whatever use.  They want to be a "2-car family" or whatever.  So... starting Monday, I'll have definate rides to work from now on.  Yesss.... Phone:  So... last you all knew, my phone was lost in the abyss that is Magic Mountain.  Well...  I never got it back.  It's sad and horrible and I wanted to cry... and I think I did a couple times.  Anyway, I called the insurance company and put my claim in and all, so that's good.  My phone is on backorder, so they aren't sending it to me right now.  *Sigh*  So... ya know.  However, I had them switch service to my old phone so that way people could at least CONTACT me when they wanted.  So... I have a phone now.  Hopefully I'll have my amazing one again in the next couple weeks.  =(  And this time I WON'T take it inside Magic Mountain. Season Pass:  I haven't used it in the last couple weeks, but that's okay.  We did Hurricane Harbor ("we" meaning Matt and I) like, last week or something.. the week before.... something like that.  It was a lot of fun.  I definatly want to go again and I want to get a private cabana.  They have these little tenty things with four chairs, a table, and you're secluded from everyone else. It's a prvate cabana for only a little more.  How aweome is that?!  So... I'm definatly doing that if we go again.  Both parks are going to be SO busy now that school is out, though...  blah. Movies:   I have seen SO MANY freaking movies lately, I don't even know if I can name them all...  Let's try.  Cars, The Break-Up, The Lake House, and Fast and the Furious 3, Over the Hedge, The Omen... I think that's all the ones I haven't mentioned...  In either case, I've seen everything out basically.  I haven't seen Nacho Libre yet, but I know I'm going to, even if I don't want to.  It will be something to do.  Movies I don't suggest are The Break-Up (horrible storyline.  It's such a girly "I'm gonna make you want me when you say you don't but you really do" way...  it's such a high school game that I don't care about in my life so why would I want to see it on screen?), The Omen (I don't like scary movies, you know that...), and The Fast and the Furious 3 (because one guy looks like Jackie Chan, another looks like a mutant, and the lead has the most annoying voice and accent.  The only tie in to the other in Vin Diesel at the end for, like, thirty seconds.  If you like cars... a lot... then maybe.  But I like the first one better.  Much better casting in the first... yeah.)....  the end. Work:  Yay!  I like my job.  I'm a crazy worker, though, because we only have a total of five employees on our payroll right now.  In the time I've been there, we have lost five people.  FIVE.  It's sad.  But we're managing and everything seems to be working out okay...  In any case, I'm trained now and working between 40-45 hours a week.  So... I'll be making bank... hopefully about $600 on this upcoming check...  *sigh*  We'll see. A girl can dream. Life:  I'm crazy...  I'm so so so crazy... yeah.  Money:  makes me hate my life.  The end. You won't catch me around here, -Megan Mood: stressed Music: Imogen Heap in my head

	2006.05.08  01.16 Makes No Sense At All... Makes No Sense To Fall I really should do my homework. Curse you, internet!! It's not like I technically NEED to do it... I mean, I have a B+ in the class if I don't do this assignment, but if I do it I could possibly get an A... Hrm. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm happy with a B but I think my GPA needs the A. So.. *Sigh* Maybe I'll just stop procrastinating and DO IT. But I'll probably not start for another hour or so.... blah. Mood: bored

	2006.05.07  03.08 Oo, Rainbow Pretty My mom fell asleep in the chair behind me and Nick Jr. is on... it's fuck'n weird. It's these hands trying to be puppets and they're saying, "Yay... rainbow lovely..." Weird... they sound like the same voices from the Simpsons... haha. My last show was today. We did really well but the audience was DEAD. I was so sad. They didn't laugh, and when they did, it was at the most in-opportune times. It was lame... but Corey came and that was cool. We didn't really do too much after because no one really knew where to go. We know what everyone wanted to do, but no where to do it. So we decided on Denny's. We went there and then just decided to delay our cast party about a week or so. We really wanted to hang, but for the moment we didn't really have anywhere. So we decided to wait a little bit and then do it later. So that's cool... wait until school is over and then have a party. I really like everyone that we hung out with. They're all fun times... =) It seems like MySpace (for me) is slowly shutting down. I'm not being able to access more and more features as time goes by. I realized today that "search" isn't available. Bah, I'm so annoyed that it isn't working. BOO... So... these hand puppet things I was talking about, they stopped pretending to have mouths for a second and used the fingers, and they looked like squids.... Nick Jr. wasn't this gay when I was a kid. Tomorrow I have to do homework and then watch some movies... but sleep in important too. It's only 3:15 ish and it's a show night, but I haven't slept much lately (for whatever reason). So... I guess it's good that I'm going to sleep now, yah? Fo sho... God, I'm so annoying. I'm more tired than annoying, though. So I'm going to bed now. PEACE... Rain-Sun-Rainbow, -Megan Mood: exhausted Music: Nick Jr.

	2006.05.06  02.12 With Every New Love, We Should Become More Adventurous What fucking ever. Everyone is such a debbie downer right now and I'm so fucking sick of it. There are so many people in my life that need to realize that it's OKAY to not have a significant other. It's not just one person, either. There are about five or six people in my life right now that are so freaking emo because they don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or whatever. Lives are not completed by other people. I know it sounds fucking cliche or whatever, but that's only because it's TRUE. I am going to make this really lame analogy, but it will make complete sense in the end. Think of it like a house. You can be furnished and clean and be complete. You don't need anything else to complete you, really. HOWEVER... then a family moves in. You didn't need it before to be complete, but it just made yourself so much better. THAT'S what it's like, my friends. I know so many people that are unhappy with themselves or their life and they keep looking for someone else to help them. They don't realize that they are the only ones who can help themselves. I'm just sick of being around debbie downers because after being in a slump for five months, I'm finally starting to feel okay again. I don't mind waking up and going to school or work or anything. I have things to do and I'm proud of it. However, now that I'm okay, everyone else is not. My high is brought down and... I don't know. Yeah. I've been pretty emo recently. Okay, I'll admit it, I was way fucking emo. But I'm okay now. I'm picking myself up, picking up the peices of my life that I like and doing something with it. I want it to be okay that I'm happy, but I feel like I have to be sad with everyone else. If I seem happy while they're sad, it's like I don't care. Probably from this blog, it seems like I don't care. The problem is that I care too much. I want everyone to be happy, especially now that I am. But it doesn't work that way, does it? I seem to be on a different cycle than the rest of the world. I'm finally beginning to be okay again... I just wish everyone else was now too. Mood: okay Music: Rilo Kiley - More Adventurous

	2006.04.17  21.11 I'm not dead Oh my god, here I am. I'm not dead. I have... blah. I'm only here to say that I'm alive. I don't want to type out my entire life story right now. LAME Peace out, brethern. -Megan Mood: busy Music: Yo buttho

	2006.02.20  17.21 Listen To Thier Story I'm a bad person. It's okay, you can tell me that I am. I understand, and I'm trying to change. No, trust me, I am. I try every day to change my old ways. Bad habits die hard, you know? But I'm doing what I can. I'm changing however I can because I'm tired of being crazy mean Megan. I need to not be an ice queen anymore. FO SHO! Anyway... I'm covered in paint and I really need to take a shower. I got my car back. =( But I still need a new one. *Sigh* Oh, sorry, I forgot I don't post on here that much anymore. My car needs a new transmission, and I can't afford one, so I need a new car. For now, I'm driving around in second gear. *sigh* I'll get a replacement eventually, and I hope (in this case) that "eventually" means "soon". .... WHOA. =)

	2006.02.18  23.33 Open This ElJay is currently a public journal again. I have decided that Friends-Only wasn't for me because I no longer have anything to hide. And even if I do, I can post it in my other journals or under a friends only mode. Although... I will miss my friends only banners. Those were good times. Anyway... I re vamped two of my journals. Woop woop....

	2005.05.11  02.40 You Are 22, And You Live On Avenue Q Well, actually, you're not...unless you live in New York or even in Lancaster...then maybe you ARE 22 and, just maybe, you live on Avenue Q. Anyways. I've converted my friend at work to Avenue Q and it makes me laugh a lot. Bwhahaha...just like that. I'm training in *gasp* PROJECTION tomorrow!! You ready for that? Crazy, I tell you... I came home from class and started doing laundry....and never stopped. It was such a random time to do all my laundry. I got it done at about 1am, but...then I wanted to shower. So I did, and then I was planning on sleeping. Well...that didn't work out. I became hungry (because I havent eaten all day) and so I made me some food. Then I realized the computer was still on...well, I think you get it. We got our new charger for our digital camera and it makes me happy. Quel, I pretty much got the okay to use the car for Magic Mountain. =) Excitement! And I have Friday off, guys. Good week! Odd Couple, Friday night off, and now my room is clean. All of this = Yay! I come into this country for opportunity, -Megan Mood: accomplished Music: Avenue Q

	2005.05.02  22.58 Today...I Ate A Salad. Alright, I've been having some difficulty with the manager thing at work (GM didn't know if I was "right for the job") but then today he was like, "Do you know how to thread movies?" "No, I've never attempted threading before." "Hrm... well, I think we're gonna have to start teaching you." This is a good sign because a) learning to thread movies is a sign of trust and b) managers should know how to thread. I really, really wish I knew how to thread movies already, but I do not. Sadness. Got a bunch of pictures back from a while ago. Like, from the, "THERE GOES A FWAGGLE!!!" night. Remember Kire? Hilarity ensued. Anyway. That night, random bowling night, and the party I had at my house last spring break. Hilarious pictures, I tell you. =) The forgotten cigarette. Good times. So..yes. I've been working harder at work to show that I'm "deticated" and stuff. Blah. It makes me tired. I'm joining the YMCA, Nicoliolie. I don't know when, but I've made the decision. =) I'm being one of three Asst. people for the monologues. Kinda good, kinda sad. Still only drinking water. Still haven't smoked. I got three new movies tonight: Almost Famous, The Mummy, and The Mummy Returns. I almost bought Patch Adams, but I figured that could wait. I've been waiting for the Mummy movies a while, and for Almost Famous. I'm quite happy. Oo, I also bought three new tounge rings. Yay! Now I have a red one, a pink one, a purple one, and a blue one. Oh, and also this one that will just act as a placeholder when I need to make it look like I don't have one in. It's really quite genius, in fact. =) I'm cooking pizza at 11pm, and I couldn't be happier. Bad Eating Skills Need To Stop, -Megan Mood: bouncy

	2005.04.24  02.19 Managerette - This Is My Update I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then you find someone whose life has given them Vodka, and you have a party. I like it. Mood: blank

	2005.04.22  17.17 *Faints* Great, great night last night. Oh man. I went to his house at about 1am and hung out there. I watched The West Wing with him (yay!). Oh man. It was so relaxed, so fun. I should have left about 3:30ish, but I didn't get home until 5am. I just couldn't leave him...it was too hard. So yes. Megan is way happy. Megan is still innocent, for those of you wondering. ;) Gotta go to work right now. Eternal love for each and every one of you. Maybe again, -Megan EDIT: Find the un-intended sexual inuendo and you get a free cookie!!! (I found it when I read it over again and I was like, "Whoa, oh man. That's too funny...") Mood: loved

	2005.04.19  16.26 Henna On My Hand One More, humor me. ( Random Pictures that I Heart ) Mood: busy

	2005.04.19  16.20 Finding Hope ( Rehearsal Pictures For Nicoliolie ) Mood: amused

	2005.04.19  16.13 San Diego Pictures So... I only have the ones from the seal tour and whatev, but that's okay. I'll post my Ren Faire ones when I get them back. They are still being processed (bitches...!). So...yeah. ( Seal Tour: Extra Vaganza, Please ) Mood: geeky

	2005.04.18  20.52 Boo I'm sorry that I'm not as good as you are. I'm sorry that my memories aren't as faded as yours. I'm sorry if I've ever loved you. I'm sorry that I used to hurt you. I'm even more sorry if I still do. I'm sorry if I'm not there for you when you need me. I'm sorry if you don't need me. I'm sorry I'm sarcastic. I'm sorry I'm dependant. I'm sorry that I need your smiles. I'm sorry that it's hard to cry. I'm sorry that it's easy. I'm sorry I'm dominating. I'm sorry I'm not photogenic. I'm sorry I'm poor. I'm sorry I cant give you everything you want. I'm sorry I can't stop your tears. I'm sorry I can't pay attention. I'm sorry I can't look into your eyes when you talk to me. I'm sorry I can't stand myself. I'm sorry I don't smile anymore. I'm sorry I can't make you smile. I'm sorry that I'm ugly. I'm sorry I'm not everything you ever dreamed I was. I'm sorry that I'm easy. I'm sorry that I'm not. I'm sorry that you doubt yourself. I'm sorry you don't love yourself like I love you. I'm sorry I'm afraid of me. But most of all, I'm sorry I'm afraid of you. Mood: melancholy

	2005.03.15  21.58 Huzzah! I got a call from Jon! I'm so happy!! He called me tonight while I was in class. He's alive! Alive, I tell you!! Yay. We decided to go clubbing together at somewhere other than Tiger Heat. Tiger Heat, while amazing, has been tainted. I can no longer go there. Well, at least happily. I have to bring a bunch of friends and party hardcore. *Does a dance* HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KATIE!!!! I LOVE YOU!! This is all, -Megan P.S.-I am finally inspired to write a play. It's called "If It Makes You Happy". I plan on it being good (like...most writers do). (Why did I even say that?) Mood: bouncy

	2005.03.15  02.34 The DaVinci Code If you've read the book and/or have a complete facination with it, I deman you go and play the game-y thing at www.danbrown.com . It's amazing and that's why I am still up right now. Crazy? Yeah... If you've read Angels & Demons and/or The DaVinci Code, do it! You'll love it because it's amazing! Good god, it's so amazing. How could he think like that?! AH! I'm so overwhelmed with joy. You guys just have to read the books. They are amazing and...I love them. You will too. I swear it. And Dan Brown is coming out with another book this summer!! *Does the dance of eternal happiness* It stars Robert Langdon again (*another happy dance*). I can't wait. Oh em gee, I'm so excited I could piss myself. And so I do, -Megan P.S. This was all brought on by me finishing "Digital Fortress" and wanting more Dan Brown-ness. I need to read "Deception Point" now. Mood: Ecstatic

	2005.03.02  22.32 ONE ACTS!!!! ( Go See My One Act!! ) Mood: stressed