| Game, set, match |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|12:36 pm] |
I really do think I should just go now. It's not so much that I've overstayed my welcome here at LiveJournal - I have, but only because I couldn't find the door. No, it's because I really have run out of things to say. So, with the hollow dignity that can only come from writing this during a work break that will return me to floor mopping in eight minutes, I suppose I really ought to just pull out the breakers and hit the switch.
I have no sincere belief that anyone will ever read this. I made three "friends" here, though, and I know that if anyone reads it, it will be someone who might actually get something from it.
I've tried to leave before, but there was always just one more thing I wanted to say. But I really have said everything I can think of, and I really don't think I'll becoming back. So now I say:
I'm sorry I made so many spelling mistakes.
And now, it really is time to go. I came, and left footprints on the Sandra time. And I left, came back, left, came back, and am now so damn tired that I only hope to hell I don't think coming back will seem like a good idea to me in the future.
All in all, I really did enjoy knowing all of you, and it has been fun...in an alkaline, otaku, transgender, inter-linguistic, multinational, psychoassasic History-of-the-Balkans kind of way, but now, unless we should happen to cross paths again at some future date, I now bid you all
Goodbye. |
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| My week |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|09:07 pm] |
Sunday: Got a bloody nose in a fight with my dog.
Monday: Cleaned flies out of dorm hallway lights for an hour and a half. Broke lighting panel. Electrical department not pleased.
Tuesday: Changed lightbulbs; found several problems which I reported to the electrical department. Electrical department further displeased.
Wednesday: Broke my TV set.
Thursday: Set off two fire alarms by getting water in the switchboxes. Electrical department has stopped speaking to me.
Friday: Tabbed myself into a caffine haze that collapsed abruptly around 11:30 PM.
Today: Electrocuted myself. |
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[Jun. 8th, 2005|12:32 pm] |
From Yahoo.com. They appear to have finally gotten the message; this was part of their front page:
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[May. 5th, 2005|10:08 am] |
Thought:
You know the librarian's mind is somewhere else when he puts the Physchology Today and the Popular Mechanics in each others' places. |
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| Why I work alone |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|07:13 pm] |
[From http://www.snopes.com/college/homework/writing.asp]
A supposed assignment actually turned in by two English students:
Rebecca and Gary
English 44A
Creative Writing
Prof Miller
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
* * * * * *
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth — when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
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Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
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You total $*&.
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Stupid %&#$!. |
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| The wheels comes full circle |
[Mar. 18th, 2005|07:36 pm] |
I remember when I first joined LJ, and I think my very first article was about the capture of Saddam. And, since tomorrow is the two year (Two! Two years! We were all so sure this would be over by 2004...) anniversary of the War in Iraq, I just thought I'd, you know...say something.
First off, it really bothers me that they call in the 'war in Iraq'. Most of our other wars have names like 'the Spanish-American war', 'the Mexican-American war', 'the war of 1812'. We always knew who we were fighting, and when. And now we just know the basic region in which the battles are taking place.
In the first Gulf War, they were using trench warfare against us. Trenches! The last time anyone used trenches was World War One! And in this war, ten years later, they're using every last dastardly trick mankind has ever come up with. They certainly learn fast, don't they?
The third thing is Bush. I didn't really mind him up until the war, but now...
I don't know. I know nobody reads this anymore, and it may be a fair statement of the state of my mind that I still write in it, and yet...
I'm sorry. I just thought I'd say something. |
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| As the wheels come off |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|07:23 pm] |
Am slowly going nuts. It's been snowing for the past year or so; I hate Vermont. You ever look at the population distrubution of the northeast and wonder why there are more people in some New York City dumpsters than in the whole of Vermont?
The snow is why.
Fourth sememster of college & so it goes. Currently taking calculus for the third time while trying to do to research projects. One is a feasibility study for solar power; the other is...something else.
So. Very. Cold. |
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| Dammit |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|11:50 am] |
So I finished "There is a Curse" on Saturday, and on the whole, despite various grammar mistakes and continuity errors, I think it was pretty good.
One problem: I now have nothing to write about. And I NEED to write.
Today's Dictionary Word is: Trepidation
(Noun) - The feeling not that you have made a mistake but, that in the future, you will have made a mistake. |
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| The Social Dodo Test |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|07:09 am] |
1. Your favorite food is
A. Something healthy
B. Something interesting
C. Something easy to cook
D. Something without sharp edges
2. If you win a goldfish at the fair, you can keep it alive
A. For a year
B. For 9 months
C. For 3 months
D. Until you get to your car, whereupon you leave it on the roof while looking for your keys
3. Your dream car is made in
A. Japan
B. Germany
C. America
D. Any country whose name ends in 'ia'
4. 2 + 2 =
A. 5
B. None of the above
C. All of the above
D. Hold on, I wasn't done with the goldfish problem yet-
5. The last time you walked into a pole was
A. Never
B. Within the last year
C. Within the last month
D. While filling out this card
Now add up your score. 'A' answers are worth 2, 'B' = 4, 'C' = 7, and 'D' = 10.
Now add it up again. Give yourself ten extra points if the two sums are different.
10 - 20: You are a normal person. You have our condolences
22 - 30: You are quirky
32 - 40: You are unusual
42 - 50: You are strange
52 - 60: You are indeed a Social Dodo. |
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| Updates as they happen: Election '04 |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|03:58 pm] |
In order to make the election more interesting, I've called in all sorts of dead presidents to discuss the election:
11-2-2004, 4:15 PM
Me: Looks close, right guys?
Lincoln: You said there would be chips.
Me: I lied.
Taft: Crap [Taft and Lincoln leave. That leaves Richard Nixon, Teddy Roosevelt, and Millard Fillmore]
Roosevelt: There's beer, right?
Me: No! There are no refreshments! Can we stay on topic here? [Roosevelt gets up to leave, but sees that Taft is jammed in the doorway and, sighing, sits back down.] Thank you. [Turns to face both audience members] Tonight, the fate of the free world is chosen by a bunch of people who have nothing better to do.
Taft: A little help here?
Me: I have gathered here with me Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, and Millard Fillmore.
Others: Who?
Me: Millard Fillmore. See? He's right here.
Fillmore: Hi.
Nixon [looking slightly perplexed]: I've never heard of you.
Fillmore: I'm a Whig.
Roosevelt: It looks so natural!
Fillmore: WHIG! With an H! It's a political party!
Me: And now we go to a commercial. Back soon!
Taft: HELP ME!
11-2-2004, 5:25 PM
Me: ...And we're back.
Nixon: That was a long commercial.
Me: Yeah, well.
Taft [who is stil stuck]: Could somebody just give me a push? Please?
Roosevelt: Did you hear something?
Fillmore: Must've been my stomach. I'm going to order a pizza [He pulls out what appears to be a stapler on a string and starts tapping on it.]
Nixon: What in hell is that?
Roosevelt: I think it's an early telegraph transmitter.
Fillmore: You guys want anything on the pizza?
Nixon: Peppers.
Me: And I'm checking my sources...it looks as though Bush is ahead in New Hampshire. I have with me a Whig, a Republican, and a republican turned Bull-Moose. What do you guys think of all this?
Taft: I think you should HELP ME DOWN!
Roosevelt: Who is for blowing stuff up and killing our enemies?
Me: Both of them. Sort of.
Roosevelt: Bully!
Nixon: Which one is more evil?
Me: Dead heat.
Fillmore: Which one of them is the Whig?
[The others - excepting Taft and myself - look at him funny]
Nixon: What is with you?
11-2-2004, 6:28 PM
[There is an empty pizza box on the table. Roosevelt is picking his teeth with a toothpick; Nixon is passed out on the couch. Taft, still jammed in the doorway, is spraying it with WD-40]
Me: And it looks like Kerry is winning early on in Election '04.
Fillmore: Is that good?
Me [cryptically]: Only time will tell.
Roosevelt: Now what?
Me: Anyone for scrabble?
11-2-2004, 6:30 PM
[Taft has escaped]
Me: Recount. R-E-C-O-U-N-T; that's seven letters for twenty points.
Fillmore: This is boring.
Me: Six letters, fiftten points. Good job.
Fillmore: Huh?
Me: Three letters, but it's not your turn
Roosevelt: What's this?
Me: It's a television remote.
Roosevelt: Bully! [pushes 'on' button. The TV is facing us, so the audience can't see the screen]
TV: And welcome back to today's installment of Nights of our Days.
Nixon [waking up]: Ahhh! Soap Operas! Run away!
11-2-2004, 6:32 PM
[The assembled are all sniffling quietly.]
Man's voice (on TV): I love you Charlene.
Charlene's voice (on TV): I love you too, Edgar.
[Nixon blows nose]
11-2-2004, 6:34 PM
[We are now watching the TV Guide channel]
Me: Ooo! Inuyasha's on!
11-2-2004, 6:35 PM
[Everyone is staring intently at the screen]
Sesshomaru: Prepare to die!
Inuyasha: Never!
[Fillmore covers his eyes]
[SFX: Soda can being opened, gravel being walked on]
[Everyone winces]
11-2-2004, 6:52 PM
Kagome's voice: Next time on "Inuyasha"--
[loud beeping noise, then a man's voice]
Man: We inturrupt your current program to bring you a flash update! Ralph Nader, reform party cadidate, has been struck and killed by a meteorite.
Me: Huh.
Nixon: He had it coming to him.
11-3-2004, 8:05 AM
[The room is a mess. I am sitting on the counch face-down in a cold pizza]
Me [waking up]: Oh. Yuck! What an awful dream.
Nixon [getting up from behind couch]: Did anything interesting happen?
Me: Ahh! It was real!?
Fillmore [climbing out of the depths of the beer cooler]: Let's check the TV.
Roosevelt [climbing out from under the couch cushions]: We can't. You ate it on a bet.
Nixon: Hmm. [Gives Fillmore a shot to the solar plexus. The TV comes on.]
Announcer: It has now come down to the wire. With the untimely death of Ralph Nader all his votes now really do mean nothing. George Bush has a small lead over Kerry as Ohio, Iowa, and New Mexico have yet to be called. |
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[Nov. 1st, 2004|05:44 pm] |
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Go Kerry! |
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| When you run out of memes: Fan Fiction al la Mode |
[Oct. 24th, 2004|06:40 pm] |
Remember that Babble thing I was looking for? I found it. This one's called 'When you run out of words', and if you give it some source texts (which you can paste in with Ctrl+V) you get... odd stuff. First, I fed it the Wikipedia pages for Kikyo and (why not) Oil rig, combined with the first chapter of "There Is A Curse". I got:
Shippo? They were BIRDS out, for fifty years people alone, Kagome.
He took a half-mile off, he was getting brighter...
There were attacked by Sango's village and left with some strange
ideas will teach you just try and extract oil rig derrick (which
looks like an marine environment from the bright lights burned
brighter. Kagome and retrieve the centipede yōkai was on the
breath out what appeared to put up to make your life... Interesting.
Miroku was a pillar, and gas pose a long time, and she saw Kikyo
had, she was forbidden. When she awoke InuYasha that she approached
the tree.
Then, I gave it the Gettysburg Address mixed with Abbot and Costello's famous "Who's on First?" routine. I did this several times; here are two of the versions strung together:
Abbott: Well go off it.
Abbott: All I'm not asking you now.
Costello: Then go ahead and I don't even know I've never met
on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you, who's playing third and proper
that these honored dead shall not talking about!
PAUSE
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: All we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this team?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The guy gets the proposition that nation, conceived
in a time!
Abbott: Well, let's see, we have a catcher?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: The first base.
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: Now who's on a portion of the guy's name on first,
What's on second base.
Costello: I'm gonna tell me.
Costello: I Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gonna be dedicated to that the infield! I
said.
Abbott: You're not asking you, who's the guys. So they tell ya.
Costello: Then go ahead and tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you gotta get it. Now who's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I Don't Know is not asking YOU who's got it.
Costello: All we got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you sign his name.
Costello: If I pick up the ball to who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, if I mentioned his wife comes down and throws
it to be dedicated here dedicated here dedicated here dedicated
to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: You throw the first baseman, how he signs it.
Costello: Same.
Then I fed it the prophecies of Nostradamus and Wikipedia's entire article on Kagome Higurashi, with Jimmy Buffet's "Margaritaville" lyrics thrown in for good measure:
(Shikon no Kakera) that there's a piece of Four Souls (Shikon
no nenju (rosary beads; lit. power of the spoken word) around
his neck that whenever Kagome looks quite like her fifteenth
birthday, she notices that there's a centipede yōkai, due to
eat them,
When in the owner of the branch,
When seized the forest where the jewel), occasionally returning
to make mighty invasions.
The blue head will inflict upon the sea
The fish from Negrepont hill be my own damn fault
Kagome is 'osuwari' in Margaritaville
Searching for himself. She is an intentional joke as they learn
about the Jewel of Kagome's friends but then demands that Kagome
shoots
And that's enough of that. For now...
Mood: Not too bad
Liters of Tab consumed in this lifetime: 15
Music: I can't understand the words, so I don't know. |
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| Tab |
[Oct. 13th, 2004|09:48 am] |
I'm going to dedicate this post to the subject of Tab, simply because I've become an overnight convert and with my increased mentioning of the stuff, I owe it to you for an explanation:
Tab is Diet Coke for weird people.
There! I've said it!
Mood: Satisfied
Music: Ring of Fire (HBlock vs. Dr Ring-Ding version)
Liters of Tab consumed in this lifetime: 11 |
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| Now celebrating: The two year anniversary of my discovery of Inuyasha! |
[Oct. 12th, 2004|09:42 am] |
Yes, as of 11:01 tonight I will have discovered Inuyasha for 2 years now.
You see, it was a Saturday, October 12, 2002, that I discovered the show for myself. And, this may sound stupid or otaku-ish, but after being born it's probably been the event with the most effect on my life.
I was introduced to a whole new group of people, who, ultimately, proved to be not unlike the people I already knew. I gained a new level of respect for anime, having not seen anything I liked since they canceled TM! in March of that year.
But most of all it was the ideas.
In my mind, the two greatest authors of all time are Rumiko Takahashi and Terry Pratchett. I found out about Pratchett in February of 2002, and spent the rest of the year writing fan fiction for his Discworld series. And yet I was missing the second half of inspiration. I needed something to play against his British humor. And I found it in Inuyasha.
It's been two years now. I knew going into 2003 that I was going to miss 2002, because things weren't going to be that good again anytime soon.
So it's two years now. And counting.
Music: Tubthumping
Mood: Nostalgic
Liters of Tab consumed in this lifetime: 9 |
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| Cheney vs. Edwards: Fight! |
[Oct. 6th, 2004|04:01 am] |
I, like many other people, watched the Veep Debate last night wholley on the basis that the only other things on were ''Home Shopping'' and ''Sex in the City''.
This deserves some explanation: Back in March, the local cable company cut our access when my dad refused to give them fifty dollars per month instead of ten. We still get some stuff, but not much. Two home shoping channels, CSPAN, the big news networks, Bravo, PBS, Public Access and CBC, which is the Canadian Broadcasting Company. We don't get Cartoon Network anymore, and currently my only hope for seeing Inuaysha again is if the Canadians can get their hands on the rights.
Since we now get ten channels, and the debate was on four of them, even if I hadn't been planning to watch it, I would have eventually. I retreated to our basement with a glass of Tab and six layers of winter clothing (cold air sinks!)
All in all, I was rooting for Edwards. I confess, it's true. Cheney just seems like someone who, if he were to turn up in fiction, would be called Dick the Dark. Plus he was rude. I think a pretty good way to judge personality is to pretend you're the guy the other guy is talking about, and Dick was not just critical, he was obnoxious.
On the other hand, Edwards wasn't perfect either. I think he did a pretty good job, except for when he brought up Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter. Witholding all my opinions on homosexuality, I'd just like to say that you do NOT bring up the other guy's family. You just don't. That's a shot below the belt.
On the whole, I think John Edwards came across sounding like Mr. Rogers, and Dick Cheney came across sounding like Darth Vader. |
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| Babble a go-go |
[Sep. 29th, 2004|08:15 am] |
I was trying to find a program that would take a text file and rearrage the words in an amusing fashion. I was rather hoping that the results could be passed off as fanfiction.
However, this is almost as good:
This one takes your name and makes a disease. My name is actually Kevin, but I kind of like the one I got for 'Ted' better:
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Teditis | | Cause: | influence of the Devil | | Symptoms: | extremely ability to fly, face blurring when photographed, leaning at 45 degrees, chi imbalance | | Cure: | don't do it again | |
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| Fancy Feast Commercials |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|08:43 pm] |
I confess that I am not a cat person. It's not that I don't like them, per se, but if I spend more than five minutes in a closed space of room proprtions I have an allergy attack.
This, in itself, is not at all remarkable. I could probably be locked in a completely empty room and go into an allergy attack in pretty much the same time frame. I'm beginng to have a sneaking suspicion that I am, in fact, allergic to myself.
However, the other, rather smaller, lack of love I possess for cats is the fact that they are almost invariably two meals and a ball of catnip away from turning on you. Which is why I don't get Fancy Feast cat food commercials.
Cat food commercials, as a genre, appear to have been thought up by someone tripping on something powerful. Possibly catnip. My personal favorite are the Meow Mix catfood commercials, which are dumb in a funny kind of way. And the ones I really hate are the Fancy Feast ones, which are just dumb.
For those of you who have never seen a FF catfood commercial, it goes like this: There will be a shot of some cat lying around somewhere, possibly waiting for me to come along so it can give me allergies. Then, there will be a shot of a butlerly figure walking toward the camera with a covered try. The butler's face is never actually shown, which I think is an extremely good career move. Nobody wants to build a reputation as being good in catfood commercials. It's right up there with being famous in porn for resume impact power. In any case. The final shot shows the butler taking away the cover of the tray, and revealing a little martini glass in which will be catfood, which the cat will neatly begin to consume. Then a femal voice will say "Good taste is easy to recognize", a statement I find ever harder to belive after each airing of the same commerical.
For starters, cat food is not nice. I once had a toothless dog which had to eat soft food, and wound up eating cat food. Catfood does not come in martini glasses. Catfood comes in little tins, and often looks like a protoplasmic heap of goo. Second, cats are not atristocratic creatures. Cats are animals. Cats, left to their own devices, will kill and eat small rodents, and, if they can get them, birds. Lizards are optional.
What I'm getting at here is that cats, like so many other things on this planet, are rather different from our perception of them. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feed your cats, however, because there may not be any mice where you live. At my house, the dog got them all. |
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