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May. 22nd, 2006 @ 05:28 pm
Last week of school ended last week! Graduation was Saturday. I did have to show up today to clean out my office. I threw out all of my binders from the last 5 years of teaching--all the lesson plans and tests. I was nervous throwing out the first one. Then it felt good. And it made cleaning/organizing much easier. I have probably 3-5 hours more to do sometime this week and then it'll be done. Nice.

The Mixed Bag, Praise the Lord May. 9th, 2006 @ 10:45 pm
OK, I was being a little melodramatic on Monday. I really felt that awful, but, of course, nothing's ever really that awful. And today was lovely. Two students who seriously trashed my office by scribbling everywhere with marker last week (!!) cleaned my office today and left me two very sweet apology notes, taking responsibility for their actions, sincerely apologizing, and including (even!) many nice comments about me as a teacher and a person and (sunshine!) I feel rewarded by seeing my kindness to my students mirrored back! (I know it didn't show in my post yesterday, as it was a day of dark bitterness, but I usually try very hard to show my students kindness). And then I had enough energy to give some of the kindness back to an argumentative student and I managed to make him laugh in the middle of trying to pick a fight with me, so yay. Thank goodness and goddess for days like today.

OMG May. 8th, 2006 @ 05:09 pm
I am becoming more evil as the days pass in my job. There are 9 school days left until I never again have to try to convince 35 or more uninterested children (many of whom are complete brats to me) that math is worth their time. It was at least 2 months ago that I was saying "only 16 more school days". It will be an eternity before the next 9 school days pass. Who needs Satan and his pitchfork to stand over a firey pit? I've got 9 days and 35 students called Eternal Hell.

And I miss Rick May. 4th, 2006 @ 08:52 am
Last night I looked out the window to the street and his car was in the driveway and my heart gave a little leap for one second thinking he was home, but he's not.

unglued May. 4th, 2006 @ 08:43 am
Making difficult decisions is not difficult for me. Things like: getting married to a man in the Air Force, quitting my job teaching math to pursue an MFA in creative writing. I make the decisions no problem totally sure it's what I want/what's supposed to happen. And then I fall apart.
If I close my eyes I can honestly feel the fabric of my reality unraveling, bolts jiggling loose, seams unglued. And I am terrified. Of course, this kind of shift needs to take place in my career, but the reverberations are beyond that scope. I am afraid that when the dust settles more will have changed than I want it to.

Matthew 18:22 May. 3rd, 2006 @ 09:33 pm
( So I've been wasting my time away while Rick is in Mexico )

1 page to go Apr. 25th, 2006 @ 07:01 pm
Rick left today to drive to Montana and then fly out with his friend to Mexico. He'll be gone for a week and a half and already I'm thinking, oh, shit, what will I do to fill my time? It's not like he doesn't leave for his job overnight all the time, so it's silly that today, of all days, Rick not even gone for 24 hours, I'm turning to LJ to piddle around, when I haven't really bothered with updates for so long now.
But since I'm doing updates: in February, I turned in my resignation at my school and I'm beginning applications to low-residency MFA programs in creative writing/poetry. I plan on attending this Winter. I'm leaning heavily toward Antioch in LA, but also am looking at Lesley and New England College. I'm currently stuck racking my brain about which poems to include in a 10-page, double-spaced manuscript I'm supposed to submit. I've got 9 pages of poems I'm sastified need very little revision and then I'm stuck trying to figure out how to fill in the last page.

Don't Nobody Move: Word 3 Apr. 13th, 2006 @ 08:24 am
The following is an article by Bryan Proffitt putting this recent issue into
perspective, reminding us that violence against women is a harsh and daily reality and we must hold our ground and move forward against this no matter the outcome of this highly publicized situation.

My sister sent it in an email and adds: "this is a great article that sum up and articulates VERY well where i'm at with the duke rape case. it's long but it's worth it. I would also add from a legal perspective [she is a law student at UNC Chapel Hill] that it is my understanding that there is NOT DNA in 70-80% of all rape cases."

( Don't Nobody Move by Bryan Proffitt )

Under the G-String: Word Two Apr. 13th, 2006 @ 08:05 am
I want to be very clear. Those men deserve villification whether or not they raped the woman, but I also want my support of the woman for coming forward to be heard loud and clear. Coming forward about rape is automatic and repeated revictimization, especially if you are trying to support your children and put yourself through school with a profession our culture demonizes even as we are sticking the 5 dollar bills under the G-string.

String them up anyway: Word One Apr. 12th, 2006 @ 10:18 pm
I am so unbelievably filled with rage about violence against women and people of color, about the way our culture steps up to the plate only to play the same damn racist, sexist fucking stupid rhetoric like that's the only record on the shelf, like Bill O'Reilly can't even think of something smarter to say about an alleged rape involving a black exotic dancer and Duke lacrosse team players than "Some people think she was raped and some people don't". Well, no, actually all the evidence shows her injuries are consistent with rape, the pictures show her bruised and the hospital confirms the same goes for her vagina and anus. Even one of the boy's lawyers is going with the position that the woman arrived to the party in that state. No one in the thick of it is trying to say she wasn't raped. It's just some people think some of the lacrosse team members are responsible and some people don't. And I don't even care where the evidence goes with that one. What I do care about is what we already know about those men. Not that the national media is touching the race issue with a 10-foot pole, but EVERYONE in Durham knows those fuckers were yelling racist slurs at any person of color who walked by. How do so many people here in North Dakota not even know the woman is black? Whatever, EVERYONE knows one of those conscienceless bags of lily-white wrote an email talking about skinning the exotic dancer. Instead of the discussion focusing on the heinousness of what we DO know, which is point-blank UNACCEPTABLE, INDEFENSABLE, people are claiming these boys have been villified without reason! Fuck the rape accusations. They crossed the line of innocence way before anyone said word one about rape.

About Umbrellas Mar. 7th, 2006 @ 06:01 pm
This winter has been
too dry for snowballs, so dry
snowflakes do not clump, but fall
one by one, stars of david,
on my windshield and blow away,
so dry my knuckles go red raw
and split, my stockings, my sweaters,
even my undershirts itch
and dry for so long
I had forgotten about umbrellas.

tanka with the last line in flux Jan. 15th, 2006 @ 09:42 am
nothing glorious
broke the gray sky this morning
but somehow daylight
has reached my notebook paper
which is miracle enough

From a livepoets exercise: (slightly revised) Dec. 4th, 2005 @ 08:56 am
This Morning, She is Screaming at Her Bed

Why won't you let me make you smooth?
Your sheets keep bunching
at one corner, then the other.
More than one god laughs at me, grinning
between your mattress and box springs.
I want stronger toes to kick you. Steel toes,
that's how hard you are. So hard
I wish I never had to sleep again.

Within a North Dakota Wind Nov. 8th, 2005 @ 09:07 pm
October 2005

My chin curls toward my chest, tight
as bales of hay. This time of year
we are not brown with damp
nor green with mold. We are golden
as the sun who spins us.

Standing, I could be a windmill:
the cold of moving air spiraling
my hands into fists, circling my sweater
tight across my belly. Under the hardest blows,
my hair splays and twists around
the unquivering center knotted behind my eyes.

Black Iris in the Rain Nov. 8th, 2005 @ 09:03 am
The way he tells the story,
the hill beside my house came spilling
down like iris petals, black with night,
and washed him right up onto my front stoop.

I can vouch,
he did seem like a waterfall
standing there in my doorway
asking, would I please,
just this once, let him in.

Nov. 8th, 2005 @ 09:00 am
You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already.

In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth.

</td>

Buddhism

71%

Paganism

67%

Hinduism

58%

Islam

46%

Christianity

38%

agnosticism

38%

Judaism

33%

atheism

29%

Satanism

29%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

poem in progress, half drunk and trying to remember from this morning Sep. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:02 pm
( A Mother, A Father, A Daughter, A Son, and A Holy Ghost )

The obligatory LJ post about Katrina Sep. 2nd, 2005 @ 09:43 pm
I will not succumb to fingerpointing.
I will not succumb to despair.
I will use that energy to do what I can to improve the life of humanity.

I will not succumb to fingerpointing.
I will not succumb to despair.
I will use that energy to do what I can to improve the life of humanity.

I will not succumb to fingerpointing.
I will not succumb to despair.
I will use that energy to do what I can to improve the life of humanity.

I will not succumb to fingerpointing.
I will not succumb to despair.
I will use that energy to do what I can to improve the life of humanity.

I will not succumb to fingerpointing.
I will not succumb to despair.
I will use that energy to do what I can to improve the life of humanity.

I will not succumb to fingerpointing.
I will not succumb to despair.
I will use that energy to do what I can to improve the life of humanity.

Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 08:10 am
Started work last Monday. It WORE ME OUT.
I've had a very productive summer, but I've paced it. At home, I'll do yoga for an hour, then write for an hour, then clean...
At work, it's one-pointed focus all day long. Sure I change classes, new things come up, but it's still the same kind of work all day long. So it was an adjustment. But I love it. I'm excited about this new year and the things I've planned and how well they've worked thus far.
So I've backed off on a lot of things and of course, it'll have to stay that way to a certain extent, but I hope to slowly add some yoga back in, some writing, here there, etc.

Rick and I had a fabulous day together yesterday. I was planning tons of stuff for myself, but he came home from work and poured us both a glass of Apple Snapps and well, the rest went out the window. I did manage to go grocery shoppping. Then, we went for a walk in the Souris valley around Darling Lake. Went out to dinner. Just a really nice time. I just love that man.

The devil has lived in me Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 08:05 am
( quizilla result--which of Crowley's Major Tarot Keys am I? )
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