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LiveJournal for lethal_soul.
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| Tuesday, July 24th, 2007 |
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I've not updated in 11 weeks.... Layla is almost 10kg now. She's rather massive for 5.5months. Don't know where she gets those genes. She's on solid foods, (has been for about two months, I started her early at about 3.5 months) and much prefers it to bottles these days. Mind you, if she has a bottle, she will rip it out of your hands and hold onto it herself, rather than have you do it for her. Stubborn little child. She's going to be a very deep person, I can tell by her charateristics already. And totally individual. But hey, she's an Aquarius like her mama, so I guess that's to be expected anyway :) If you put Layla on her stomach (a lot of the time she rolls onto it anyway these days), she moves and flails around, trying ever-so-hard to crawl. She either ends up moving backwards, or going around in little circles, all the while 'yelling' at anything and anyone around her. She plays with everything you give her...and tries defiantly to pull it to pieces. Mostly toys (I try not to have anything else in her reach, but she loves my name badge I have to wear for work), but she's been known to pinch people and animals, and anything else that appears enticing, too. I'm really enjoying work. It's challenging, no day is ever the same, and the people I work with a fantastic and extremely supportive of me in everything I do. I will update with a longer entry sometime soon...but for now I have bottles to wash, bags to pack, and a bed to sleep on :P Hope you are all doing well. I think of you guys often and am sorry for not keeping you updated earlier! <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q307/k |
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| Tuesday, May 1st, 2007 |
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On other news...my camera broke :( |
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| Thursday, April 26th, 2007 |
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Dad & I figured out I suffer anxiety attacks. I've never gone into much detail about it, but you all know how many jobs I've been through. Mum thinks it is just because I don't like to work. That isn't the case. Each job I've had, I've really enjoyed doing. What I haven't enjoyed is the sick feeling in my gut, the shaky hands, the dizziness and panic that overcomes me every. single. time. I am to begin a shift. I never knew how to deal with these feelings, much less knew they were actually symptoms of anxiety. So, everytime, I'd find something 'wrong' with the workplace, and leave. Anyway, the whole point of this post being, I have a new job :) It's taken weeks and weeks to obtain one, and I was suffering depression at not being able to get one, and having Layla in daycare whilst I wasn't working (even though I had no choice because of the high attendances at daycare centres these days, and the inability to find any places for your kids). It's a traineeship, Cert. III in Business Admin. I was really worried yesterday, and began getting those feelings again. The fear mostly, and I started feeling sick. So, I packed Layla up, and went to Dad's place to talk with him about my worries. He suggested I may have anxiety, and I guess, it sorta made sense. After having a huge talk with him yesterday (and going to Mondo for lunch :D), all my worries have disappeared today. I HAVE to work, I want to - the opportunities with this company are endless (and they plan to keep me on after the traineeship, so I can learn accounts/more admin/anything I'm interested in), and Layla needs a working Mummy. So, needless to say, I'm actually really excited about starting today :D I think this is the first time, in a long time, I've really looked forward to beginning a job. Btw, it's at Burkin Svendsen Funeral Directors... Hence the title for this post ;) |
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| Monday, April 16th, 2007 |
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So I went to an antenatal class reunion on Saturday. I did the classes whilst pregnant with Layla - you're supposed to bring your partner along, so they have an idea of what to expect during the labour/what drugs do what, etc. Johno never went. He was always 'too tired' (then spent the evenings out with mates...driving around). ANYWAY. The whole point of the reunion was so all the people from the classes could now catch up, as we were all pretty close by the end of it. We'd be able to see each other's kids, and have some time to chat, etc. Only two other families showed up. One was Jennalyn & Joey (and their baby Xybelle), whom I've seen several times anyway. Jennalyn & I were in the same grade at school, she came & saw me at the hospital when I had Layla (and by coincidence I was actually in hospital for observation at the time she had her little girl), so really, the only baby I hadn't seen was Natasha & Trevor's little boy. Natasha showed, Trevor had to work...and Ryder looks SO much like his Dad it's unbelievable. He's a cutie, though. So Xybelle is four months. I think Ryder was about three, and Layla was two months exactly. I'm the boastful parent, cos my little girl is the strongest out of the three ;) She has awesome neck muscles for her age, and loved playing on her belly, watching the other two kids. Poor old Xybelle can't even lift her head at all! ( But Layla Can :P ) She got to meet Mony on Saturday, too :D |
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| Monday, April 2nd, 2007 |
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| Sunday, March 18th, 2007 |
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Mum is giving Layla her bottle. Everytime I try, Layla cracks it, and won't take it from me. I don't know why this is - perhaps she's used to everyone except me feeding her, cos she's been with everyone else except me lately when it comes to feed time. I feel so useless. She is my daughter, and I'm the only one who can't settle her. I hate it. Johno walked out on us last night. And quite frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way. |
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| Saturday, March 17th, 2007 |
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| Being a Mother is to have your heart forever walking outside of your body. | ||
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| Wednesday, March 7th, 2007 |
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Layla is three weeks old today. The time has gone by pretty quickly. Johno lost his camera, so I can't take photos - this upsets me heaps, I'm missing out on her growing up and have nothing to scrapbook! She's wearing her yellow "Sea Animal" singlet today - courtesy of Ally & Kristy <3 And stripey bonds pants. She looks even better than me...I'm still in my pj's as she's not yet gone to sleep (after feeding for an HOUR AND A HALF) long enough for me to have a shower. The joys of motherhood :P Still, I wouldn't take her back for anything in the World. Hell, she IS my World :) |
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| Monday, February 26th, 2007 |
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| Tuesday, February 20th, 2007 |
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I've tried doing this twice now... ( Photos )
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| Sunday, February 4th, 2007 |
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So I took what will probably be the last pics of me pregnant about three days ago. They didn't turn out too well, so I'll only post like two or three pictures. Didn't capture the stretchmarks...I kinda have them all the way down my thighs :( And about ten on my stomach now...but it isn't like they won't fade with time, and besides, they're the result of something very special :) |
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| Friday, January 19th, 2007 |
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So its like 18 days before D Day...and I take my mobile in to get fixed cos it doesnt make sound. I've put up with this for two months and then I get the shits with it...and I decide that I have to do it now. They say ten working days, which roughly equates to three weeks, seeing as I put it in at the end of the week :/ YAY for not having a phone if I urgently need to call anyone, or even to send out txt msg's advising them of news. And no, Johno has no phone at all. Lol..he loses everything in town :S I have my sim...but that doesn't really help me. And I cbf forking out $80 for three weeks. Nor do I really have the money to :/ Edit - The $80 is for a 'loan phone' they'll give me for the meantime whilst my phone is getting repaired. I can imagine they're old and shitty, and knowing my luck something will happen to it and I'll lose the money I paid to 'rent' it. *sigh* |
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| Friday, January 12th, 2007 |
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 Boobies then, and Boobies now :P  |
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| Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007 |
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I drove past you at your P's place, and I was going to stop and send you some wishes, but...I wasn't sure if you would like them or not, so I'm sending them from here. *love & hugs too* |
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| Friday, December 15th, 2006 |
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So I was going to post this at the end of that looong update I just did, but I forgot, lol :P My boy and I in September at Taysh's wedding: 
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So another year has (almost) passed. I've learnt so much from my experiences this year it is quite incredible. My niece is soon to be two years old - I can remember the day she was born, and Ally and I went to the hospital to go see her. My boss made me leave work early because I was just jumping around everywhere, and not being much help to her or the kids, lol. I remember last Christmas with Ella. She got a rocking-horse, and a ride-on Winnie-the-Pooh car. She almost fell off it, and there's a picture of her wearing a hat that's covering her face while she's mid-fall, with about seven people all reaching out to stop her hitting the ground! This year, Ella's mummy, my dear sister, got married to the man of her dreams. She's been happy ever since, and I couldn't ask for anything more for her. Ever since she was a little girl, all she's ever wanted is to get married and have children. Which is what she's doing. She's found someone to share in that dream with her. Shane is a brilliant person, and I don't believe there is a couple more suited to one another than those two. Baby Brocklan (yeah, they're having a boy :D) should be here around February 20th or so... My relationship with Mum has only gotten better. I've been working with her since late August, and we've both gained more of a mutual respect and understanding of one another that's developed both at work and home. I love her to death though I may not say it to her often, and I've become a lot more appreciative of the role she plays as a working Mum. She practically runs the joint at work - if she weren't there I am most certain the place would literally close down. And she still comes home, drives my brother all over Cairns (as is expected of a mother to a teenage boy who's just getting interested in girls, and thus the gym :D), cooks for us all, cleans the house on her weekend and basically doesn't stop working to take a break until she has to go to bed at night. I honestly don't know where I would be without her, and sometimes regret being angry at her because she was always angry with us as kids. I understand her frustration these days, and realize her coping strategies were just different to the way I would handle myself if I were in her place (although not much, lol....I'm a heck of a lot like her). I wish I had spent more time with Richard this year. I barely see him and we live in the same house. He bought my car for me two years ago, and I'm slowly letting it go to crap. Well - it's booked in for a proper service this coming Thursday, and I've put mags on her and a new CD player + speakers (that my boy is getting me for xmas, bless him :)), but I really should wash it more often. Lol. I feel ridiculous driving this car around and everytime my stepdad sees it, it's completely full of rubbish - brochures/receipts/ten pairs of shoes/clothing etc. and needs washing :( That is something I will endeavour to complete more often now. The task of washing my car, and keeping the inside a little cleaner. I also wish I could come up with conversation when it comes to Richard. He's a beautiful man and I do adore him, but we just never seem to be on the same 'level'. I pretty much will say hi, and bye, but that's about all that happens. He's great to talk to, and has been the one to comfort me many-a-time when Mum and I used to fight, because despite being married to mum, he also regarded himself as my Dad and thus wasn't biased - he could see the argument from both sides and would take the time to comfort me (and mum later on) and explain the situation. *sigh* I will really try to 'connect' with him from now on. Dad and Jo are great. I haven't seen them for several weeks now and am kicking myself that I haven't even bothered to go over and visit. They've done a LOT for me this year - sending me away was the best thing I could have happen in my life, and I will be eternally grateful to have had the chance to reclaim myself. I did a lot of thinking, analysing and recovering at Camp Eden. It was absolutely wonderful and I have taken away from it a whole wealth of knowledge and positive affirmations that I use daily to get myself through life. It wouldn't have been possible without the generosity of Dad and Jo, and I appreciate *so* much what they have done for me. They came up with money at a time where they were struggling to pay off a house loan themselves, but Dad could see I needed to get away before anything much more drastic happened. They have set the structure for my life ahead. I now have the confidence to make decisions I would have thought earlier everyone would disapprove of. I have only just decided what it is I want to do in life - I was just hanging in the balance for quite some time, and went through an unbelievable amount of jobs. Now I know what I want to do, I have the belief I can succeed, and I have the determination to make something of myself. All of which I probably wouldn't have had, were it not for Dad and Jo. Dane is getting so big it is crazy. He's six foot now...and fourteen years old. He's doing so well at school. (Even though I might complain at times) I have thouroughly enjoyed being able to help with his homework. It's given me a reason to just sit down and talk with him - and he's bloody intelligent. I'm pretty sure he gets better marks when I don't help him - but I've not brought it up with him because I have loved being able to just spend time with him. He's working out at the gym these days. I take him every now and then, and we get movies from the video store to watch too - mind you, seeing (insert name of stupid movie where Ben Stiller plays a model with the same look & Owen Wilson is his opposition) ten times over in just four days gets a little too much for me! Dane is amazing with Ella. As soon as she gets to our place, he's the only person she wants to be with, and I can see why. He gets a little frustrated with her sometimes, but he loves her to death. He will push her in the pram around the house at top speed, both of them giggling with delight, for hours on end. He'll feed her (but strictly healthy food! he's on a health-food diet these days ;)), watch TV with her, take her in the pool and basically just bow down and do anything she wants! And, he's talking to girls on MSN. My god it's funny when you walk into the office and he shuts down like ten msn convo windows - if you're quick enough you can see the userpics of all these teenie girls. I cant WAIT til he brings one home - I think he's been scared into never actually doing that until he gets serious - so it mightn't be for a few more years :( Lol. I'm going to tease him so bad :D Johno and I are stronger than ever before, now. Yeah, he still leaves me at home on a Friday night and goes to town (he refuses for me to come with him...absolutely will NOT allow it :() and drinks/smokes/pills/whatever... But I'm just leaving him do it, because he does spend time with me when I want him to now as well (and we both need our time apart) - which he had a real problem doing some time ago. Seemed like everything was headed to shit, but it just seems now to be getting better. I've learnt not to hold my breath - anything could happen - but it seems like things are going along quite well :) We move in together in January (not quite sure whether that will be here at Mum's for a couple of months, or if we will get a unit straight away, but we'll see when the time comes), and it all just feels 'right'. This year has been a huge learning curve, and no doubt next year will most definitely be the same, but I am happy with where I am, and what I'm to become (find out on Ella's b'day - Jan 11th - whether or not i've been accepted into Nursing course for February, too!). I hope this past year has been good for all of you, too. |
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| Monday, December 11th, 2006 |
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So I got my eyebrow pierced for the third time. Don't know why I bothered taking it out the second time, it wasn't infected, and no-one was bothered by it, not even my employer (I got the job whilst wearing the piercing at the interview, then decided it 'might be best' I not wear it...silly me). This time, it's going NOWHERE. Teh fucker is staying in :P Also, don't go to to 'Cosmetics Plus'. Sure, the price is great ($35 for pretty much any piercing), and the chick I got was pretty nice. But she fucked it the first time (the catheter bit fell out - perhaps not her fault, but I don't know, it wasn't like I could see her do it), I bled EVERYWHERE from it, and she had to re-pierce the place she just pierced, with a new catheter and all. That and I had to wait three days to get it done, cos everytime I turned up they were like "oh the piercer isn't here". And, they didnt have an 8 gauge, only 10...so I have to go back in about four weeks when it's healed to have it changed over *sigh*. The only good thing is, yay, I got my eyebrow done again :P That, and I have blue diamante's on the ring. Woo! Craziness. |
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| Monday, December 4th, 2006 |
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because I'm not so good at thinking up thousands of things about myself, and what I like/dislike/who I am, etc. I've had a 32yr old guy infatuated with me for the past three years...I don't know what I did, and I barely ever see him despite living in the same city, but every so often I get suggestive text messages. He's the first guy that told me he wanted to marry me. ...And he freaks me out :( |
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| Saturday, November 11th, 2006 |
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So, I'm going to Camp Eden tomorrow...and another good thing or two has happened in the past day...so I guess the power of positive thinking really *does* do wonders |
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| Friday, November 10th, 2006 |
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| Happy Birthday [Bad username: lady_freeze ! ] | ||
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LiveJournal for lethal_soul.
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content.
creative.
excited.
sleepy.
grateful.
crappy.
hungry.
accomplished.
full.
thankful.