I can't remember which episode from last week this was from, but it had me laughing out loud:

Jon Stewart: Apparently, this morning, I understand Vladimir Putin dissolved his government. Completely. Fired his prime minister, his entire cabinet. It just seems so impulsive. Especially coming on the heels of the great news from Russia yesterday that they just exploded what they're calling "the father of all bombs" and when it drops, and I'm quoting here, "...all that is alive merely evaporates..." The press release goes on to pet a cat and laugh muahahahaha!

---

I'm actually watching the Emmy Awards Red Carpet pre-show live.

I don't think I've ever watched the pre-show live. Surprisingly squee-worthy.

---

I love the American Express commercial with Tina Fey.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fw9M-hg9FZU

"No, the other type of German shepherds."
"That would make more sense."

 

( Weeds's lolz quote from Monday's episode )

 

Credit goes to likegunfire


Nate to his baby girl, Maya:

"Well, what do you want to do today? We could, uh, fill some things up, dump 'em out. Maybe later, we can poop. Whattya say?"

 

Credit goes to janaine


There's an episode of House (episode 2.22, if you care) where House walks into Cuddy's office and they have the following conversation.

Dr. House: "You don't have cancer."
Dr. Cuddy (after giving him a weird look): "You don't have dwarfism."

And I thought of that when I read the subject line on this WENN paragraph.

 

Credit goes to hip_like_junk


I was watching the movie, Fever Pitch, the other day and there's a very cute scene where I think Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon really just nail the chemistry.

Drew's character, Lindsey, is telling Ben (Jimmy Fallon) that she's going to Paris for the weekend and she wants him to come along.

Lindsey: "I'm going to Paris and I'm taking vous!"
Ben: "Moi?"
Lindsey: "Oui!"

They're so cute together in that. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed that movie.

 

Movie Quotes Meme answers are up.

 

Movie quotes meme! These are fun. Guess the movie from the quote. Answers will be posted sometime tomorrow night.

Hint: All of the movies are from 2005 and 2006 (some of which are still in theaters).

I kind of think not too many people will know these, but it's worth a shot.

---

1. "Do you think I'm going too fast? Maybe I should put on the brakes?"
"Fast or slow, I like the direction you're going." Brokeback Mountain (guessed correctly by chickabimbo)

2. "All brawn. Absolutely no brains. But we love him." Eight Below

3. "I guess you two think I'm stupid. I guess you all think I'm stupid. Well, I'll show you how stupid I am: I'm going to blow myself up with this bomb I found." American Dreamz

4. "Stop being so nasty, Joanne."
"It's not called gym-nice-stics." Stick It (guessed correctly by jovial_kitten, chargrey, anniemarie75, and 0122)

5. "There's a really big gap between getting your ass kicked, and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery, and then strike your throat before you know that you're even in the fight. But I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand that, because all you do is make moves from up in your ivy tower." The Break-Up

6. "Will you love me in the morning?"
"Forever and ever, babe." Click (guessed correctly by chargrey and meerkitty868)

7. "I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality." Little Miss Sunshine (guessed correctly by jovsg and call_me_daisy)

8. "16 blue ponies, 21 airplanes, and 12 spinning midgets." Scoop (guessed correctly by chargrey)

9. "How did you get here?"
"Sea turtles, mate. A pair of them strapped to my feet."
"Not so easy, is it?" Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (guessed correctly by cincoflex, chickabimbo, chargrey, and 0122)

10. "Child. Do you remember getting married? Your husband is dead. You're a widow now." Water (guessed correctly by chargrey)

 

House: "What've you got there? Special panties for your date with Wilson?"

Cuddy: "It's not a date. And it's none of your business."

House: "If it's not a date, it is business, and if it was business you wouldn't say it was none of my business."

Cuddy: "What do you want?"

House: "I want to talk about your date with Wilson."

Cuddy: "It's not a date."

House: "This is fun."

 

Grabbed from andthatisthat:

Go here: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 and keep looking for random quotes until you find 5 that suit you and/or your world view.

There's always one who loves and one who lets himself be loved.
W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965), 'Of Human Bondage', 1915

A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

We try to grab pieces of our lives as they speed past us. Photographs freeze those pieces and help us remember how we were. We don't know these lost people but if you look around, you'll find someone just like them.
Gene McSweeney, Grey Water Photography, 06-04-2006

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
Thich Nhat Hanh

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
Jimmy Buffett

 

Credit goes to lovelymuffler


Prior: "What was that?"
The Angel: "Plasma orgasmata."
Prior: "Yeah, well, no doubt."

Angels in America

 

(background) Jon shows a video clip of Senator Sam Brownback giving a presentation to the Senate, including a large posterboard that a young girl drew that had embryos with smiley faces on them.

Senator (on the video): This is a chart she did last year when she was in Washington and she drew three pictures down here below. This is her smiling because she got adopted and she's here. Here is another frozen embryo. These are embryos. That's sad because he's still sitting in a frozen state and here's one that she explains is saying, 'What, are you going to kill me?'

Jon: I have to say if you have a talking embryo who is cognizant enough to wonder if you're going to kill it...I say we don't do research on those ones. And if we find them and identify them, perhaps one of them will grant us three wishes.

 

...you’ll need a toga, of course, a sword."

Someone at house_md mentioned that there are plenty of Wilson-isms just waiting to be iconned. And it's true.

House is snarky, but Wilson is funny!

"House, I believe you are a romantic. You didn't just believe him, you believed in him. You wanna come over tonight and watch old movies and cry?"

 

Y'all know I do love my TV quotes.

The one, the only, bana76's TV Quotes Meme!!!

Now that's hot.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpvR5ziHOlM

Stephen Fry: Don't suck your thumb, boy.
Hugh Laurie: I'm not, sir.
Stephen Fry: I know. That was just a piece of general advice for the future.

Later...

Stephen Fry: I can't pretend to be much of a judge of literature. I'm an English teacher, not a homosexual.

 

The Little family sees that Stuart's car has been vandalized, with graffiti written all over it and the wheels stolen.

Mrs. Little: "Who would do this?"
Mr. Little: "Tiny, little vandals."

Later, Margalo, the bird, is about to fly south for the winter for the first time.

Mr. Little: "Are you sure you know where you're going? 'Cause we can call Triple A..."
Mrs. Little: "...and get you maps, discount coupons..."
Mr. Little: "There's a place in South Carolina where they do the best pecan pie you have ever tasted."
Margalo: "I'm a bird. Instinct should take over."

Very cute movie. It was on ABC Family a little while ago and after each commercial break, right before going back to the movie, they'd do a behind-the-scenes on how they did the various aspects of the animation.

 

Movie quote answers revealed.

 

Guess the movie quote, win big! (comments screened, answers revealed tomorrow morning)

--

1) "Dance with me."
"You don't dance."
"It was just my cover, sweetheart."
"Was sloth your cover, too?" - Mr. and Mrs. Smith (guessed by goddess_loki, montereypoet, 0122, jennasuze, and jjloa)

2) "Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect." - Amadeus (guessed by 0122, montereypoet, jjloa, and mindspillage)

3) "You're born into a family. You do not join them like you do the Marines." - While You Were Sleeping (guessed by atoasterstrudel, montereypoet, jennasuze, and anniemarie75)

4) "You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand." - 40-Year-Old Virgin (guessed by atoasterstrudel, 0122, montereypoet, odiepepper, anniemarie75, and go_fetch)

5) "What do you do for fun?"
"I love watching really old movies. They're my favorite."
"Really? Really? Which ones?"
"Well, "Grease" and "Grease II." Um, "Benji." I love "Benji." "Free Willy," um..."Legally Blonde," "The Little Mermaid."" - Monster-In_law (guessed by 0122 and jennasuze)

6) "Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again."
"You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you."
"That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?" - Pirates of the Caribbean (guessed by chickabimbo, 0122, montereypoet, odiepepper, jennasuze, and jjloa)

7) "Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you." - Dirty Dancing (guessed by atoasterstrudel, odiepepper, jennasuze, jjloa, silent_r_infork, and go_fetch)

8) "How do I look?"
"Like a beautiful blonde pineapple!" - Grease (guessed by 0122, jennasuze, anniemarie75, and go_fetch)

9) "Marriage license, did you say marriage license? Oh I love you Adam, Alex, Peter, Brian, whatever your name is." - Charade (guessed by atoasterstrudel, deborahlane, anniemarie75, and jennasuze)

10) "I'd like to get to know you better."
"How much better?"
"All the way better."
"Well, I can't know you all the way better till I know you much, much better."
"Do you feel you know me well enough for me to buy you a drink?"
"I sure could go for a Tang." - Down with Love (guessed by montereypoet)

 

Ganked from sizzleleg, who ganked from molegirl, who posted on bitsofstephen. Whew.

"[Stephen] Fry drinks plenty of coffee, but only when he can find a way of getting it past his Marlboros. “I smoke as many as I possibly can,” he boasts, in the same smug tones of someone who has just given up.

He looks a little flabby, worn by his endeavors. “I keep extremely fit,” he says. “I don’t do any exercise at all, but I’m fit. I’m fit for what I do. I’m not fit to run a marathon, but why the fuck should I be? I don’t run marathons. I’m fit to sit down and concentrate, which a lot of people aren’t, especially people who go to gyms. I’ve far too much respect for my body. People who go to gyms are constantly limping and twisting things. They have things called hamstrings which they break, and they get ricks in their back.”

“They do! It’s just complete abuse of their body. My body wants to sit down on something soft, have tobacco and caffeine poured into it, and to be pampered with some wine and lots of nice food and… chairs. It does not want to be thumped up and down on Tarmac or stretched by ghastly machines. It’s an insult! These people go (he gets up for a demonstration, and holds his back in agony as he hobbles around) aaaagh... oooh,.. They see you in a chair and say, ‘If you’ve got any fucking respect for your body...’ I mean, fuck off! I don’t tell me about respect for my body! Working out is rooted in pointless vanity, and its result is just pain and an addiction that doesn’t have the result of giving you dreams or pleasure, Creepy.”

Fry puffs on. He sucks another ciggie. I raise some sensible point about cancer, sounding like a government health warning. “Of course I could get lung cancer and die at the age of 50, or a heart attack from too much fatty food. It is possible. It’s extremely unlikely. The difference it makes is so small. People go, ‘Did you know, one in four people die early because of smoking...’ Well, 75 per cent of people do not! All this crap about it. Look, there are some people whose bodies just cannot take it at all. I may be one of them, in which case (affects sneery tone), ‘Haha, look at you, Stephen, you killed yourself. Well, big fucking deal, I left the party early. Seventy five per cent of smokers do not die any earlier than anybody else. That’s pretty good odds for one of the most pleasurable things God has ever given man. There are a lot of things he’s given us on this earth, the coffee bean, the grape, the tobacco leaf, the cannabis leaf, things that needn’t have been there - imagine going through life and never even fucking trying them. What an insult to creation."

 

I have a lot to do.

Which is why I decided to instead bake a cake, eat 1/3 of it a lot of it while watching the latest Veronica Mars ep (shock! It was actually good!) and bum about online.

Guess the quote, win a prize!* (P.S. No cheating. Answers posted Sunday before I go to bed. Comments are screened)

1) "See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - and adjusting them!" - Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (guessed correctly by atoasterstrudel and hatcherfan)

2) "I felt like destroying something beautiful." - Fight Club (guessed correctly by _likelife, hatcherfan, and unfilthy)

3) "Look who we have here, Peter's priss. Have you talked to her yet?"
"Who says I'm interested?"
"Your tongue was on the floor." - Swing Kids (guessed correctly by hatcherfan)

4) "I don't belong here, I feel it, don't you think I feel it? I can't do any of these vile things and I wouldn't want to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh God."
"But baby, we like you." - Overboard (guessed correctly by anniemarie75 and hatcherfan)

5) "If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants." - Face/Off (guessed correctly by anniemarie75 and hatcherfan)

6) "We need to hide someplace where there are no dinner theaters. We need to hide someplace where is no theater period, no culture at all."
"Los Angeles." - Connie & Carla (guessed correctly by meerkitty868)

7) "What's your rush, dollbody? What do you say we slip in the back seat, and make a man out of me?"
"What do you say I smack you around for a while?"
"Can't we do both?" - A League Of Their Own (guessed correctly by anniemarie75 and hatcherfan)

8) "She had these little stubby wings, like she could've glued them on, you know, like I'm gonna believe she's a fairy. So she said, "I'll prove it." So she reaches into her backpack and pulls out this invisible cloak and she ties it around my neck. And she tells me that it's impenetrable. You know what impenetrable means? It means nothing can go through it. No bullets, nothing. She told me that if I wore it, nothing would hurt me. And I did. And my whole life, I never got shot, stabbed, nothing. I mean, how weird is that?" - Crash (guessed correctly by chickabimbo, berkie, and 0122)

9) "And God said, "Where the Hell is Tim?" And there the Hell was Tim. And God said, "Let there be doors that open when they open, and close when they close."
"Do something?"
"Doors!"
"I was getting the bananas for the sardines."
"DOORS!"
"Doors?"
"I bet God had a stage manager that understood English!" - Noises Off

10) "Ten oughta do it, don't you think? You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more." - Ocean's Eleven (guessed correctly by chickabimbo, anniemarie75, berkie, and hatcherfan)

11) "I used to think you were a swell guy. Well, to be honest, I thought you were an imbecile. But then I figured out you were a swell guy... a little slow, maybe, but a swell guy. Well, maybe you're not so slow, But you're not so swell either. And it looks like you're an imbecile after all!" - The Hudsucker Proxy

---

* No prizes will actually be given out

 

After reading makemeabeliever's latest post, I did a google search for true friend to see what sort of results I'd get. Came across this, which made me "aww."

"Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile."

GIP

"What'd they want?"
"They want us to evacuate."
"Evacuate? Did they say why?"
"Uh, no, but your pager says 'code black'?"
"You're sure they said that?"
"Yes."
"Could be a drill. Even if it's not a drill, I can't evacuate. I've got an open brain on the table."

I can't be the only one who laughed at that last line. I mean, c'mon! It's so soapy!

 

Credit goes to imafoxgrr


Thanks to theferrett, who posted this first:

On My Name Is Earl, there is a beautiful Spanish maid called Catalina who both Earl and his brother Randy are friends with. Catalina frequently clashes with Earl's psychotic ex-wife, Joy, who is always scheming to make Earl's life worse.

Last week, Joy said something nasty to Catalina, and Catalina responded with a stream of blistering Spanish invective. At the end of it, Joy cocked her head Jerry Springer-style and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't speak maid."

A funny line. But it was funnier if you actually spoke Spanish, for this is what Catalina actually said:

"I want to take this moment to thank our Latino audience for watching. And for those of you who can understand me but who are not Latino, I want to commend you for learning a second language."

Credit goes to call_me_daisy


From this post that theferrett made today about the DVD commentary in The Sound of Music and The Shawshank Redemption:

"Some of the best acting isn't acting. The final scene filmed in Sound of Music was the scene where Captain von Trapp comes in and sings "Edelweiss" with the children, and the kids broke down and bawled because they hadn't expected to see Christopher Plummer again. The scene where Morgain [sic] Freeman and Tim Robbins are swabbing tar on a hot roof apparently involved them swabbing actual tar on an actual hot roof, and if they didn't pay attention to the mops they'd cool and stick to the floor, so at the end of the day when they drink beer they were actually completely exhausted."

Credit goes to call_me_daisy


I saw King Kong today.

( And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty... )

I give the movie a 7.5/10 score. That probably translates to about a B in my world.

Kelly: Theatre creatures have, what is your ritual? You go -
Nathan Lane: Well, I sleep in my coffin until five and then, I, uh, then, then I go to the theatre. I take off the cape.
Kelly: Right.
Nathan Lane: And I, I become Oscar Madison.

J.D. approaches...

NURSES' STATION
Carla and Turk are waiting there for him.

TURK
J.D. A little problem this morning with Malik.

J.D.
Our car? Is it bad?

***FLASHBACK: STREET

Turk stands in front of the car, flames licking the hood, on his cell phone.

TURK
[on phone] Hey, AAA? Look, I need a pick-up on the corner of Fourth and--

There's a large explosion of flame from the back of the car, which blazes on.

TURK
[on phone] You know what? You'll see it.

****

J.D.
Ah, Malik. Lots of memories in that old car.

CARLA
Of what?

J.D.
Driving, mostly.

Turk
[sadly honking imaginary horn] Beep, beep.

I love the interviews that make me laugh.

Jonathan's the interviewer. Lisa's the actress.

Jonathan Soroff: I smell an Emmy in your near future. Are you going to thank me in your acceptance speech?
Lisa Edelstein: How about if I send you a signal?
Jonathan Soroff: OK. Yank on your bra straps.
Lisa Edelstein: What if I'm wearing a push-up?
Jonathan Soroff: Then just push 'em up.
Lisa Edelstein: I'll let one flop out. I'll have a wardrobe malfunction on the Emmy's just for you, and you'll be like "I can't believe it! She really did say hi!"

http://www.livejournal.com/community/cuddelstein/12223.html

DR. COX
You know, the other day I found a gray hair in my happy trail.

CARLA
Is that the patch of hair that goes from your belly button down to your pe--

DR. COX
It is, indeed.

CARLA
So? You have a gray happy trail! A lot of women find it distinguished.

DR. COX
Carla, I have a six-month-old child. I'm gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park, where everybody is like, Hmm, is he the dad? Is he the grand-dad? Is he the grand-dad's grand-dad? And, oh, my God! Why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his five-year-old little boy is in the mud crying? Is--is he taunting the little boy? No! He can't even see the little boy! And, now look, he's actually taking the traffic cone, putting it in the mini-van, and driving away while the little boy cries and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches 'Finding Nemo' on DVD.

The perils of politeness.

I call up AT&T because I have a question about my bill.

Me: Here's the problem I have.
Rep for AT&T: Here's the solution.
Me: Thanks very much. Bye. *waits for the rep to say bye so I can hang up*
Rep for AT&T: Would you like to switch to AT&T local service?
Me: Nope, I'm fine. Bye. *waits for the rep to say bye so I can hang up*
Rep for AT&T: Would you like to make AT&T your internet provider?
Me: Nope, I'm happy with all of the services I receive from all of the companies I have. Bye.
Rep for AT&T: Thank you for choosing AT&T. Bye.

What's wrong with me that I can't just hang up?

Jon Stewart: Fortunately, Bush didn't have to speak to Chavez directly, but if he had to, he was ready.
Bush (in a news clip): I, I will, of course, uh, be polite. That's what the American people expect their president to do, is to be a, polite person.
Jon Stewart: That's the least we expect. You know what? If other things were going well, if everything was going very nicely, we'd even let you get away with being a dick.

FLASHBACK: TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT -- KITCHEN

J.D. pours himself a bowl of cereal and picks the prize out of the bowl.

J.D.
A decoder ring! Heh.

He continues pouring, and another prize is heard hitting the bowl. He digs it out.

J.D.
TURK!

Turk arrives from the other room.

TURK
What?

J.D.
[holding up both prizes] It finally happened!

TURK
[in awe] A double-prizer?

They shout excitedly and bounce bellies.

PRESENT: HOSPITAL CAFETERIA

Turk and J.D. look off in the distance recalling the memory.

TURK
That was awesome.

CARLA
You guys realize you're doctors, right?

J.D.
Double secret decoder ring-wearing doctors.

They hold out their fists, displaying their matching decoder rings.

J.D. & TURK
[touching rings] ACTIVATE!

...instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it. And if a person feels they can't control the object, or feel threatened by it, they act negatively toward it. Like, an eighth-grade boy punching a girl."

"I treat you like garbage, so I must really like you. Given your Freudian theory, what does it mean if I start being nice to you?"

"That you're getting in touch with your feelings."

"So there's absolutely nothing I can do to make you think that I don't like you?"

"Sorry, no."

Jon Stewart: I was thinking of the situation that happened here. Uh... You know, it's obviously not news that many of the administration's media events are scripted and prepared. But in this instance, were you surprised that the Pentagon allowed soldiers to be used in that manner, and then, for the rehearsal to be seen by the public?

Rob Corddry: A little bit, Jon, but it was a nice gesture to the fans. A little peek at what goes on behind the scenes. And a nice bonus for the fifth season DVD of The White House.

Jon: I, I, I don't think I know what you're talking about.

Rob: Well, I'm talkin' about one of my favorite shows, Jon! For all the hype about Desperate Housewives and Lost, I still say The White House is one of the best scripted dramas out there. I mean, that, that new one, Commander in Chief? Total ripoff. Move over, Geena Davis. This fall, a man will... still be President.

Jon: Rob... we're not, we're not, we're not talking about just a TV show.

Rob: Oh, I know, Jon. For me and my fellow White House fans, or "Whities", it isn't, it isn't just a TV show. I mean, we live or die with all these characters. Like, uh, like on season three. Uh, when the president, George W. Bush, a competitive, born-again, ex-alcoholic with a Texas twang and a chip on his shoulder lands a fighter jet on the deck of an aircraft carrier and yells "Mission accomplished!" I mean, that is fuckin' TV, man!

Although, Jon, although, if they're not careful, this thing's gonna jump the shark. Like last season; the whole Social Security B story? Twelve town hall episodes in a row? Come on, man! And the dialogue?

(clip, C-Span)
Random Woman: President Bush, welcome to Tampa. We're so happy you're here.
GWB: Nice to be back, thank you.
(end clip)

(clip, C-Span)
Random Woman: I'm very happy to have you as a president.
(end clip)

(clip, C-Span)
Random Man: What can I do to help you?
(end clip)

Rob: Okay, okay, we get it. The president has stumbled on a community of androids. I mean--Jon, Star Trek, season two, episode three. Watch it much?

And what about that Cheney character? I mean, he's gone from "plausibly evil" to "cartoony evil"!

And I say, for my money, bring back Osama. Okay? Guy disappears in season one; they never wrap up the story--storyline, Jon! That's, that's just bad writing.

Jon: Well, well, Rob, it's--

Rob: It's lazy.

Jon: I, I do think the larger question is, why do these events about particular topics have to be scripted at all? Do you foresee a presidency where they're not scripted?

Rob: Hmm. Uh, what, you mean like a, uh, Curb Your Enthusiasm thing?

Jon: All right. Thank you, Rob. Rob Corddry, everybody.

EXAM ROOM
J.D. enters where JAMES and KYLIE are waiting.

J.D.
Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"

J.D.'s THOUGHTS
Oh, no, I forgot the punchline-- You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!

J.D.
...So... the moth says..."That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry -- braces and such." And...and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."

KYLIE and JAMES stare blankly as they wait for the "great" part of this joke.

J.D.'s THOUGHTS
"The light was on"! "The light was on"!!!

J.D.
"But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!"

Jon Stewart: As for the second vacancy [for the Supreme Court] who will fill that?
President Bush (on a newsclip from Sept. 6, 2005): The list is wide open, which should create some good speculation here in Washington. And make sure you notice when I said that I looked right at Al Gonzalez. Which can really create speculation.
Jon Stewart: Wow, so the president is either going to pick attorney general Alberto Gonzalez or he's being a total dick to attorney general Alberto Gonzalez.

Ruby sings Tickled Pink as required in order to keep her prosthetic ass.

Ruby: "It's still a great song."
Kip: "You bet your ass."

I loved it.

Cindy Sheehan is a mother who lost her son in the Iraq war. She's been camping out at the Bush ranch while President Bush was there, and she's been protesting the war. Bush has been ignoring her.

/nutshell

On Monday's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Jon talks about the situation. He showed some clips of various TV news organizations, where the commentators made reference to the fact that Sheehan has been keeping company with people such as Michael Moore.

Jon: "The old guilt-by-association argument. She hangs out with Michael Moore, whose film Bowling for Columbine featured Charlton Heston, who played a Mexican in Touch of Evil. Mexico speaks the same language as Cuba, where Fidel Castro plotted to kill J.F.K. as seen in the film starring Kevin Bacon. Oh, Cindy Sheehan! Why do you and your liberal cohorts plan to kill Kevin Bacon?!"

Jon Stewart, talking about how the crash of flight 358 should *not* be called a miracle.

JS: "A miracle, defined in my dictionary is a marvellous event, manifesting a supernatural act of God. To me, the only thing that was a