UGHHHHHHH I feel like complete crap right now I feel sick,lonely,sad,uncomfortable,bored and tired I get like this every once in awhile and I really don't understand why it really is my least favorite thing about me.

 I think I just tend to hold everything in and then eventually it catches up to me and I get sick/depressed all of the above and I hate that,I wish I actually had friends that would try to listen and help me I am always helping my friends out when they have problems but do they ever try to help me when I have a problem?No and I am getting kind of tired of it.

 Even as I am typing this I feel tired and I haven't even written that much in here,the first time I remember actually feeling this way was when my cat Felix died and I was just laying in my bed crying for like 3 or 4 days and now I do that sometimes I just lay in bed but not for days in a row or else my mom would worry about me and I don't want her to worry about me she has enough things to deal with in her life.

I feel like crying but I can't and I hate that feeling,I just want to crawl in bed and stay there for the rest of my life...i do not know what to do.

- Pick your birth month.
- Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
- Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.
- Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a cut.
- Tag 12 people from your friends list

Got this from Jessica aka ThomThom
I went over 10 haha but its all good and I don't know who reads my journal but if you are my friend please do this.


MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

My grandma is not herself anymore a part of her has died and it will never come back...she had to go to the hospital for high blood sugar and they gave her some medicine but they broke it and it wasn't supposed to be and apparently if you break the pill it makes you lose your mind and you lost the ability to function because its that powerful my mom said my grandma is seeing things that aren't there,hearing things that aren't around her and demanding to be in her wheel chair when she can't move and she almost fell out of her bed because she didn't know where she was and wanted to get up and leave.

I HATE seeing her like this I can't stand it shes my best friend and soon she will probably not know who I am she doesn't seem to know who I am right now anyways.

I will miss you grandma....Love you.

I don't write in this at all but I thought that it would be better than writing somewhere else where more people could read it,I am not great at showing weakness...I cry when animals die and when something sad happens in movies but I don't really cry other wise like if something bad happens to my family I don't cry I don't why that it is I think I have cut off my emotions...I am always the strong one when everyone else falls apart I don't and its hard sometimes because sometimes I want to break down but I don't I have 2 younger brothers and a sister and they are too young to know when something bad is happening and usually I have to be here with them while my mom and stepdad or sometimes even my uncle go and find out what is going on I don't cry...sometimes I cry but its not very long and then I am back out with them being strong again.

My grandma is like my best friend i can tell her anything in the world...she has been in and out of the hospital in the last couple months and to be honest if she were to die right now I think she would be better off shes not happy and she misses her husband he died a long time ago and shes always telling me how much she misses him..i think she deserves to be with him shes suffered enough...I would miss her but I think that if i want to be a selfless person that I need to let that go and focus on what she wants and how she needs to be happy and shes not happy here and I think it may be time to let her go.

My family has had a rough time we have gone through a lot and for some reason everyone else gets to break down but me...sometimes I don't think its fair at all but thats the way life goes.

...I never understood why I never cried when people died but cried when pets died and I think I know why now...People have left me for years and I taught myself not to get close to someone because they would just leave me anyways and so because of that I think that I don't have any emotion when a person dies but animals have never left me on purpose only by death and they are loyal to me they don't hurt me or make me feel bad about anything and I think thats why I feel more when an animal dies then a person.

I am always smiling and laughing and joking around...i stopped feeling stuff a long time ago thats my defense against people some people get numb by not feeling or by acting tough or mean but I am numb by being happy or by pretending to be but its not true all the time...I don't know how to cry when it counts and I have not cried in front of my family in a while i don't know what to do.

Lately I feel selfish when it comes to certain things because I vent to people and they listen and try to help me and then when they go through something and tell me I don't know what do say or do and it sucks I used to be the one that had all the answers but it seems now that I don't want to be that person anymore I hate being the person that has to fix things...I think that i got used way too much and now I just don't care.

This is getting long but I had to get all this off my chest...

Yes

  
    Hey people I don't write in here at all,and you are probably thinking to yourself why have a journal?Well folks I shall tell you I wanted to write QE fan fiction  and  I  mission accomplished I think...and um...I made a new friend named Greg aka Thom   aka Pedro  haha  bah my keyboard is being dumb tonight....and um....thats all folks.

<3Lara

THE BASICS:
1 Name: Lara
2 Sex: Female
3 Age: 19
4 Screen Name: Unknownangel5588
5 Birthday: May 5th
6 Race: Human
7 School/Grade: Community college
8 Job: None =[
9 Status: Single
10 Hometown: The OC haha
11 Current Town: The OC
12 Parents Still Together:Nope
13 Siblings: 4,older brother,younger brother,sister and baby brother
14 Pets: 2 kitcats
15 Smoker: No
16 Drinker: No
17 Virgin: Yesum
18 Orientation: Straight
19 Drugs: Noppers
APPEARANCE
20 Hair Color: Blondish
21 Is it Dyed?: No
22 Eye color: Hazel like
23 Height: 5'5
24 Style: Dont have one
25 Glasses/Contacts/None?: glasses
26 Freckles: Got some
27 Body Type: average
28 Shoe Size: 9 1/2
29 Piercings: No
30 Want More?: No
31 Tatoos?: None
32 Want More?: No lol
33 Braces?: Yes
34 Overall Best Feature?: Repeatedly told my eyes[taking it]
35 Overall Worst Feature?: Everything
36 Do you get most of your traits from mom or dad?: my mom
LIKES/DISLIKES:
37 Favorite Color: Red
38 Worst Color: Bright yellow
39 Favorite Number: no idea
40 Favorite Animal: cat
41 Least Favorite Animal: Sharks and dogs =X
42 Favorite Flower: I don't have one
43 Favorite Food: Mexican
44 Worst Food: Tomatoes
45 Favorite Junk Food: Chocolate
46 Worst Junk Food:I don't know cake with fruit in it.
47 Favorite Restaraunt: Cheesecake factory
48 Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate chip cookie dough
49 Favorite Candy: Ghiradelli[taking that]
50 Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Don't drink
51 Favorite NON Alcoholic Drink: Diet coke
52 Worst Alcoholic wouldn't know
53 Worst NON Alcoholic Drink: Diet Pepsi
54 Favorite Genre of Music: Rock,pop anything but Rap or classical
55 Worst Genre: Rap and hip hop
56 Favorite Band/Artist: Don't really have a favorite band
57 Worst Band/Artist: Miley cyrus
58 Favorite Song: too many
59 Worst Song: Start all over by Miley Cyrus
60 Favorite Radio Station: Don't listen to the radio
61 Favorite Book: Out of sync by Lance bass
62 Worst Book: The Giver
63 Favorite Type of Movie: Comedy
64 Worst Type of Movie:Horror
65 Favorite Movie: Roman Holiday
66 Worst Movie Ever: Hostel
67 Favorite TV Show: Queer eye but its not on anymore,so Crowned<3
68 Worst TV Show: Desperate housewives
69 Favorite Season of the Year: Spring or Fall
70 Worst Season: Summer
71 Best Friend: Krissy
72 Worst Enemy: None
73 Favorite Day of the Week: Friday
74 Least Favorite Day of the Week: Monday
75 Favorite Sport: None
76 Sport You Hate: All of them lol
77 One thing you cant get enough of: Jai Rodriguez
78 One thing you hate more than anything: Ignorance
79 Are You Single?:Yes
80 If not, who is your bf/gf?: Jai lol
81 How Long Have You Been Together?: 100 years
82 If You're Single, Do you Like It?: Yes
83 Do You Have a Crush On Anyone Right Now?: Jaibird
84 First Kiss: Never
85 Ever Kiss in the Rain?: Nope
86 In a Movie Theater?: Nope
87 Underwater?: Nope
88 First Love: Still looking for it
89 Have you ever Cheated on Anyone?: No.
90 Been Cheated on?: Nope
91 Used Someone?: No
92 Been used?:Sort of
93 Lied to your bf/gf?: No
94 Ever Made out With Just a Friend?: No
95 Ever Had Sex With Just a Friend?: Nope
96 Are You a Tease?: No
97 Do you Flirt a Lot?: Nope
98 Longest Relationship: Never had one
99 Shortest: zero
100 Have you Ever Gotten a Poem?: Yes haha
101 Ever Get Flowers?: No
102 Sweetest Thing You've Ever Gotten: Nothing
103 Do you Like Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day?: Nope.
104 Do you Believe in Love at First Sight?:Yes
105 Do you Fall in Love Fast?: Yes
106 Are you a Player?: Nope
107 Would you ever Hook Up With Someone of the Same sex?: Nope
108 Have You ever Kissed 2 People in One Day?: Nope
109 Kissed 2 People At One Time?: Nope
110 Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex?: Yes
111 Ever Been Dumped?: No
112 Ever dumped someone?: No
113 Ever been rejected?: Yes
114 Do you have a lot of ex's?: Nope
115 Are you a slut?: Nope
116 Ever been called one?: Nope
117 Ever dated someone more than once?: Nope
118 Do you ever make the first move?: Nope
119 Double dates or single?:Wouldn't know
120 Do you want to get married?: No
OPPOSITE SEX (what you're attracted to)
121 Hair Color: Don't matter
122 Short or long?: Whatever suits them
123 Style: His own
124 Age: close to mine
125 Height: Taller than me.
126 Weight: Doesn't matter so much
127 Muscular Or Skinny: A little meat on his bones
128 Boxers or Briefs: Boxer briefs
129 Do you care about looks?: Not so much.
OTHER:
130 Can you drive?: No
131 Do You Have a Car?: No
132 Do you have a cell phone?: Nope
133 Are you online a lot?:yes lol
134 Do you like gay/bi people?: Yes I do.
135 Can you speak another language?: nope
136 Do you do well in school?: I try to
137 Do you collect anything?: not really
138 Have an obsession?: The fab five
139 Do you hate yourself?: Not so much
140 Ever smile for no reason?: All the time
141 Talk to yourself?: Yes haha
142 Do you have any regrets?: Nope
143 Believe in magick?: Yes
144 Do you support gay marriage?: Absolutely, 100%.
145 Sex before marriage?:i don't care either way
146 Do you trust people easily?: Not so much.
147 Forgive easily?: No
148 Do you have a secret no one knows?: Yes
149 Do you get along with your parents?: My mom
150 What about other people?: sometimes
151 How do you vent your anger?: talk to my friends
152 Do you like George Bush?: no
153 Goal Before you die?: Live a little
154 Biggest Fear: heights and dogs
155 Biggest Weakness: Being too closed off from people.
156 Do you play an instrument?: No
157 What do you want to be when you grow up?: Still figuring that out...
PERSONALITY TRAITS - Are you...
158 A bitch?: Can be. hahaha
159 A daydreamer?: Yes
160 Shy?: Yes
161 Talkative?: Depends on who I am talking to
162 Energetic?: Sometimes
163 Happy?: Yes
164 Depressed?: Nope
165 Funny?: I like to think so
166 Slutty?:No lol
167 Boring?: Probably
168 Mean?: Not intentionally
169 Nice?: Sometimes
170 Caring?: Too much so
171 Trustworthy?: Yes
172 Confident?: Not so much
173 Friendly?: Try to ne
174 Smart?: Sometimes
175 Sarcastic?: Sure
176 Dependable?: Yeah
177 Quiet?: Depends on the situation
178 Weird?: Ha.. oh yes
179 Adaptable?: Sometimes
180 Strong (emotionally)?: Yes
181 Strong (physically)?: Not so much
182 Mature?: Yeah, sometimes
183 Logical?: Try to be
184 Religious?: No
185 Modest?: Yes
186 Indecisive?: Yes. No. Yes. Maybe.[Taking that\
187 Sympathetic?: Sometimes
188 Polite?: Depends
189 Creative?: Nope
190 Fun to be around?: I hope so
191 Loveable?: why of course
192 Easily Amused?:yes
193 Outgoing?: Sometimes
194 Daring?: Depends on the situation
195 Clumsy?: Ha! Yes
196 Nosy?: Hahaha yeah.
197 Lazy?: Sometimes
198 Scary?: No
199 Optimistic?: Yes
200 Persuasive?: No
201 A good listener?: Try to be
202 Curious?:Yes
203 Determined?: Sometimes
204 Artistic?: I try
205 Honest?: Yes
206 Respectful?: Yes
207 Conceited?: No
208 Cocky?: Nope
209 Controlling?: Hope not
210 Playful?: Yes
211 Easygoing?: Yes
212 Carefree?: Yes
213 Hot Headed?: Not really
214 Serious?: Not typically
215 Thoughtful?: Yes
216 Considerate?: Sometimes
217 Stubborn?:Yes
218 Romantic?: No lol
219 Ambitious?: Yes
220 Jealous?: Depends
221 Insecure?: Yeah, somewhat.
222 Obsessive?: Hahaha yes
223 Attentive?: Depends on the situation
224 Helpful?: Depends on the situation
225 Punctual?: Try to be
226 Rational?: Sometimes
227 Sincere?: Try to be
228 Tolerant?: Can be
229 Did you enjoy this survey?: Haha somewhat
230 Was it too long?: Yes
231 Do you think it contained just about everything?: Yes

Jai has two songs out on Itunes  one is his new single Broken its really good I have listened to some of the song off his Myspace page and also he and a few other broadway stars sang on a christmas album and he sings have yourself a merry little christmas there are also other songs of his on there as well. So try to buy them if you can they are 99 cents each!