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Saturday, May 10th, 2008
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8:49 am - Babies!
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My best friend is pregnant, pregnant, preggers!!!
Yay Babies!!!
current mood: elated
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| Thursday, May 8th, 2008
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11:01 am - things of joy
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If I don't speak much, it's because every day is part of a puzzle I am working hard to put together. And by puzzle I mean war, by put together I mean win, and this requires so much of my attention.
I hope some day soon days will just be days.
In the meantime, this is ( a piece of my joy: )
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| Monday, May 5th, 2008
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5:29 pm - Mrs. jones.
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I've spent two days playing the Sims because I want to get high but I am beyond that. I want to take pills that I don't need, the irony being that I do have pain. I want to drink,eat,smoke,something, but what I really want is to punch a whole in the air around me because I'm bored of this place. Something is lacking.
But a wonderful thing has happened, is happening. I am learning (rediscovering) that the layers between sobriety and everything else are paper thin. It is really just a state of mind. Like everything else.
But aaaaaaah! God. I really fucking want a cigarette right now.
current mood: troubled
current music: Tori Amos - Horses
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| Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
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11:48 am
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I just found out that my great Aunt died.
sad, sad.
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11:23 am - updates
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My father has a condition called Spinal Stenosis, which is a deterioration of the muscles of the spine. He has a fairly severe case - he has numbness in his arms and legs which causes him to fall. If he does not have surgery, he could lose the use of his legs altogether. But he is a big man with a heart condition. If he has surgery, he could die. He has chosen surgery, but he is going to wait until they sell the house.
My parents have had a few showings so far, but no takers. People don't seem to like that they covered the entire back yard in stones. (no surprise there.) I am (not so) secretly pleased that there are no offers yet because I am still hoping there is a way we can afford to buy it ourselves. If I could just pay off the student loan, or the car... If you'd like to donate $10k to a good cause, please leave a comment here.
Work has me walking around with that knot of anger and frustration in my chest. I do not want to be this person.
I'm having trouble getting started with the re-write because I just can't find the right words for the opening. But I'm okay with it. If nothing else comes I'll just move forward. What else is there to do?
After two more rejections, I've decided I have to try and snag an agent to push the children's books. With an agent I could get a shot at publishers who wouldn't otherwise consider us/me, plus an agent could probably do a better job at packaging the manuscripts than I can. I want to write at least one more story, so I can come to the table with three potential projects. And I need to figure out how to choose an agent to submit to - something other than the "close your eyes and throw a dart at a list of names" method.
Tomorrow we are taking the Kinglet for allergy testing at the children's hospital. It could take up to three hours and will probably be traumatic. The God-King is taking time off of work so we don't have to go through this alone. Not looking forward to it, but at this point we really need to know for sure.
That... is about all I have time for. I have that heart-knot to tend to.
Hope all is well.
Lady T.
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| Monday, April 21st, 2008
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9:58 am - not a single konnichi wa
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| Monday, April 14th, 2008
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6:37 pm - done
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Word Count: 63,400
Page Count: 295
Status of Draft 1: Complete
Feeling: Priceless
current mood: done
current music: done
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| Thursday, April 10th, 2008
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12:08 pm - me and the tumbleweeds
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I signed up on g-talk because all the cool kids were doing it, but my f-list is a ghost town.
Is anyone out there?
Ello?
elloelloello?
current mood: chatty
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| Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
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1:15 pm - Horizons
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Yesterday I faced a series of... incidents. Situations that called out the anger that lives just south of my heart. Rage. She... likes to speak her mind. This is not unusual for me.
Except yesterday it just kept coming, and each time it happened with a clarity that made me realize "this is not an accident. i am being tested."
Rage is not something that comes easy.
Let me rephrase that.
Rage is not something that is easily voiced. The rage comes, yes, she comes striding out of her little cave just south of my heart, smeared with war paint and glorious. Channeling her, however - that takes craft. Finding the courage to move my lips, to stand my ground and say... whatever. To say whatever well.
However. I do not always say it well. And I see now that, sometimes, Rage need not be spoken.
Last night, after all those mini-lessons, someone pushed me so far into Rage that I came out the other side.
I feel different.
I think this is a good thing. A very good thing.
I am not saying that I am not angry.
I am saying maybe my anger is evolving.
Maybe.
current mood: gifted
current music: Ani Difranco - "Superhero"
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| Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
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12:00 pm - letters from the treehouse
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Updates:
It is Noon and I have yet to do any actual work.
I did, however, reduce a woman to tears.
There have been power shifts at the Co-op... a burden has been lifted on my shoulders. Err, off my shoulders. Freudian slip?
On the other hand, the devil is in the details. More on that in a sheltered post, maybe.
The house goes on the market today. I am still looking to the sky, hoping for a windfall. Which is a good sign in itself, I suppose. I can still hope.
I have decided to take my mother's dining room furniture, despite our already crowded living conditions. The china hutch can double as a bureau/tv stand, the table (sans 2 leaves) can replace the kitchen table we have, and the sideboard can go... somewhere. I find that being stubborn about this helps alleviate the loss of the house enough to make it tolerable (if I also turn my head and pretend it's not happening, lalalala). It's a very valuable consolation prize.
We've also carted quite a few boxes from the house, including my grandmother's china and an array of glassware my mother collected over the years. Princess House, Depression Glass, terms I've heard but never attached to a history or a price tag. I plan to rectify that soon.
In terms of pain... I've put the Vicodin back in the medicine cabinet because it started to become a means to an end, not a necessary evil. I have not been stretching as often as I should. I plan to rectify that as well.
The Kinglet can say "red" and sometimes "blue". He seems to be practicing "da da" with gusto. No "mommy" yet, but much joy.
And the novel... word count 52k and the end is in sight. Progress is yay.
With love,
Lady T.
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11:58 am
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What's the fun in yelling at people if they're just going to cry?
current mood: troubled
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
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11:19 am - Word Count for To The Touch
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50500 / 50000 words. 101% done!
I overshot the target! Woo Hoo!!!
But no, not done. Need to write The Big Reveal scene and an epilogue. Plus some transitions I'm sure I forgot. And the small matter of four unresolved relationships (what the hell am I going to do with THEM?)
I think I need to make a new target word count. Let's Say...
50500 / 55000 words. 92% done!
Conservative estimate.
Woo Hoo!!
current mood: eager
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| Thursday, March 20th, 2008
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4:38 pm - not above whining
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this whole "do you want to buy a house RIGHT NOW?!?!?" thing?
yeah.
Yet another distraction from WRITING!!!
Wah.
okay, done now.
on a not-so-related note: I need a userpic for writing posts.
current mood: miffed
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12:21 pm - thoughts of the hour
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Brother-in-Law performed a home inspection on The House, found a few minor things plus questionable flooring in the upstairs bathroom. The God-King is busying his head with costs of gutting it and what that might mean to the overall price-tag. In the meantime, we are still trying to get a handle on whether we can afford to do this and whether we actually want to. Spoke to my parent's Realtor yesterday, waiting to hear from a Finance Lady soon, hopefully today.
To up the ante, we have to inform our landlady by the 31st if we are not going to renew.
I am coming to terms with the fact that I must come to terms with the fact that my parents are moving and the house might not be "ours" anymore - unless we make it legally ours, which means I must come to terms with coming home again, and whether I want to be the girl who stays not just in the same town she was born in but the same house as well. With so many of my heart's planets in Taurus, is it really such a surprise? But the Gemini twin in me thinks "think twice!" Not that anything has to be permanent. It could be just a business venture. It could be anything we make it to be.
Will check in when there's something more to say...
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| Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
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5:30 pm - home
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My father has been on the waiting list for a veteran's retirement community for several years now. If they move in, my parents will only have to pay about $500 a month to live there. For life. My Mom could stop working, they don't have to worry about lawn care or house repair or any of that.
They called today. There's an opening. They have thirty days to sell their house.
She wants to know if we want to buy the house from them. They'll give it to us for less than market value, no fees, no middle man.
The house I grew up in. The neighborhood where everyone knows my name.
The house where my ghosts live.
I don't know what to think. I'm reeling. Can we afford this? Do we want this? Is it in our best interest? We have to decide quick, quick, quick!
gah!
current mood:  shocked
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2:26 pm - a breath
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Today... I have NO pain.
None.
Wow!
current mood: happy
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| Wednesday, March 12th, 2008
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11:03 am - scrambling and mending
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It is hard to fit my job into a 36-hour work week. It doesn't leave much wiggle room - if I'm sick, if I have an appointment, it means I spend the rest of the week scrambling to catch up. That's pretty much where I've been since the injury.
But the Wheel is beginning to turn now. Finally. Maybe. I can go whole days without pain medication. Sometimes I can even stretch and bend and wiggle like a real person.
Good health is such a precious gift.
sigh
back to work...
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| Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
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12:24 pm - Rest in Peace Gary
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11:49 am - you know you gotta know...
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| Tuesday, March 4th, 2008
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1:39 pm - magick me
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ladytairngire's journal
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