The Diarrhea Of A Madman [entries|archive|friends|userinfo] Shaunbeard The Terrible [ website | My Art/ Writing/ Myspace Page ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ archive | journal archive ]

Dying eight-year-old 'marries' his school sweetheart [jul. 22-a, 2008|01:04 am] [ Nuna humoro | melancholy ] [ Nuna muziko | Angra -"No Pain For The Dead" for the little guy ] Article An eight-year-old boy who had set his heart on 'marrying' his school sweetheart achieved his final wish the day before he died of leukaemia. Given only weeks to live, Reece Fleming proposed to his 'special friend' Elleanor Purgslove at a laser tag party. After she accepted, their parents arranged a make-believe wedding at Reece's home in Mackworth, Derby. He died the next day with his family. Reece's mother Lorraine Fleming said he told her, "I can go now" after his wish had been granted. The 28-year-old said: ""He was so proud of her, and we were proud of them both." Reece was diagnosed with leukaemia in July 2004, when he was aged just four. He fought the disease for four years until May when doctors told him he had just weeks to live. Ms Fleming, said she and his stepfather Mick Thompson had tried to help him achieve as much as possible before his death, including marrying his sweetheart. "When we found out that we only had a few weeks with him we tried to do absolutely everything with him that we could. "Him and Ellie had been 'special friends' for a couple of years but then they broke up. "We said we'd have a pirate party, and Ellie came. She went to visit Reece a few times in hospital as well. She added: "We also had a football and laser quest party, apparently that's when he proposed to her." The pair went out to dinner in the mayor's limousine and the families organised a 'wedding', complete with rings, a stand-in vicar and a certificate. The ceremony was carried out on July 4 and the following day Reece died at home with his family and a Macmillan nurse. At his funeral, mourners followed a horse-drawn hearse on foot. Ms Fleming added: "Even on the Saturday that he died, he got out of bed and walked to the sofa. "He always tried walking, right to the end, so we thought if he walked for us then we would walk for him." Ligilo 13 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jul. 19-a, 2008|12:47 pm] [ Tags | fast food, junk food, monster thickburger ] [ Nuna humoro | sick ] [ Nuna muziko | Virgin Steele - "Immortal I Stand" ] I finally broke down and ate a Hardee's Monster Thickburger yesterday, with fries. For those not in the know, and this is without the fries......... Calories: 1417 Calories from Fat: 965 Total Fat: 107g Saturated Fat 45.8g Cholesterol 229.6mg Sodium 2651.3mg Total Carbohydrate 48.7g Dietary Fiber 0g Protein 63.6g This sandwich makes McDonald's look like your local sushi bar. I think I just shaved off 10 years off of my life in one sitting, and deep down I think I might have a profound sense of self hatred, having ate this fucking thing. A day later, my body still feels like a mosh pit of cholesterol, sat fats, and probably some shit left over in a meth lab garbage can floating around in my brutalized stomach. And the shits afterwards? Add a six pack of Schlitz's to the whole deal last night, and you can imagine the horror. I think I melted the seat to my toilet, and my farts turned all of Chicago into "The Happening". These are the kind of farts that could evacuate a moving bullet train. The kind of farts that could take down stealth bombers, and stop wildfires dead in their tracks. I woke up this morning, and my body is still doing battle with this horrific, soulless beast of a sandwich. It's like my stomach is going to war with it with bottles and chains, and my colon is the crime scene cleanup crew afterwards. And for some reason, there is this angry, bubbling feeling in the upper left side of my stomach, and a gassy feeling in my lungs. But, damn, it was tasty! If I ever want to kill myself, I'll just go "Leaving Las Vegas" with these bad boys. That should take about a week at the most. PS, The new Sigur Ros CD is FUCKING AMAZING!!!!! Hopefully I'll be making some lurve with it playing in the back. Ligilo 16 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jul. 17-a, 2008|03:44 am] [ Tags | boobs, dark humor, politics, rants, sick jokes ] [ Nuna humoro | hyper ] [ Nuna muziko | Motorhead - "Ace Of Spades" ] -I have the kind of farts that could end all religions. -Why do old people keep their pants and shorts higher and higher towards their nipples the older they get? This shit deeply disturbs me, and I saw it today when an old guy who looked like a homeless guy who sleeps in book stores all day, had his shit so high up I swear I saw vines of grey pubic hair drop out. And I swear, I thought this man had Down Syndrome, until I noticed his knee high Japanese schoolgirl socks, neck sloping forwards, mouth half open, and shoulders so low, you'd you'd think his torso was about to collapse like Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. People actually stick around to live and look like that. -I got a bone to pick with pussy. -I think Amy Winehouse has the worst farts on the planet. And the smelliest pussy. -Sometimes I feel like the world is a huge pop up coloring book and somebody shitted inside of it in the factory for all to see, then tossed on the shelf for all to see. -Anytime someone asks me what time it is I always say "Hammer Time!" with the little dance to go with it. -We've all heard about rabid cats and dogs around the city, but what about rabid turtles? Those are the ones I truly fear. -What the fuck is with those sunglasses Kanye West wears? It takes a very very lonely man to even think that somehow looking through your blinds at passing pedestrains makes you look cooler, and then apply that to glasses. Don't people usually call the cops on people like that? -Does every country and tribe in the world have an official dictionary? --Too many people have more vocabulary than things to actually say. -Here's a parable of mine: there was a tall fire, and a man bent down to grab a coin, and farted, setting 10 people on the other side of the flame on fire. I don't know the purpose or moral of this story, but I'm sure it's something pretty sweet. -If you think your life is bad, remember there is someone who has to wake up with Rosie O'Donnel sitting on their face. Then has to make her breakfast. And eat it with her. -Your grandpa or grandma can probably still outdrink you. -I figure I will finally do my part to solve global warming........... I will stop bathing or consuming liquids of any kind to conserve water. To save the millions of trees, I will stop wiping my ass after I commence "Operation Dumbo Drop". And I will bring a huge cardboard box so that anytime I fart, I drop the box, the methane gases will be contained. Even if there is someone in the box with me. -It's odd how yuppies are trying to push themselves as organic, hip, anorexic yuppy drunks when the real drunks are sleeping inside their fouriers. -I'm waiting up for the final DVD version of "The Lion King", where Killdozer, or whatever the Lion King's name was, just up and fucking jumps from that cliff and eats all those animals that were praising him when he was born. -A dead end business: Chapstick in Brazil. -One day I'm going to market a cereal made of just hardened flakes of sugar. -Everyone's bitching about the economy and people being laid off. But do you notice there are A LOT more liquor stores and bars around? -You know what's fun? Driving 140 MPH's down a nice busy stretch of town, and me and a bunch of friends guess how many were speedbumps and which were people. Awwwwwwwwwww good times! "Dude, no way that was a person!" *backs up* "Hear that crunch........?" -If you haven't smoked up and watched B-52's videos, you my friend, are a virgin in life. -When I need cheering up, I just imagine Eddie Van Halen is playing with my imaginary pussy. -And, one my girlfriend told me: Girl: "Mommy, mommy, I'm gonna be a ballerina when I grow up!" Mom: "That's nice, bitch, now climb up those steps and get back in your wheelchair". -I love it when my girl talks dark and brutal!!!! It's like Ong Bok in my boxers right now. Ligilo 14 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jul. 15-a, 2008|11:35 am] [ Tags | 80's films, movies, nerdy, spaceballs, vhs ] [ Nuna humoro | zazzy ] [ Nuna muziko | Angra - "Nova Era" ] So, here's the scoop......... They're having a sale on VHS tapes for 25 cents each up the street from me. So what am I to do since there was a 20 tape limit per visit? Drag some friends along kicking and screaming! And probably making the poor clerk who had to take care of us whisper under her breath "Goddamnit, fuck my life". But, anywho, here's what we go out with, and all under $5 bucks a person! A B-52's video collection (eat a ball, B-52's kick ass), 3x3 Eyes, Chopper Chicks In Zombie Town, Akira, Cobra (the Stallone film), Enter The Dragon, Straight To Hell, Coffee, Faith No More video comp, Count Of Monte Cristo, Thomas In Love, Happily Ever After, Bambi, Dennis Leary "No Cure For Cancer", Sam Kinison Live, Eddie Murphy "Raw", Final Fantasy animes (3 of them), Leaving Las Vegas (to top off my John O'Brien collection), Commando, Showgirls, all 5 comps of Lupin The 3rd (classic anime), every Bubblegum Crisis VHS, Wuthering Heights, Crime And Punishment (the old one), No Holds Barred, a Def Leppard documentary, about 14 nature documentaries, Under The Volcano, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, The Art Of Illusion, 3 El Santo videos (estoy el mas fanatico de Santo), Universal Soldier, Jack Frost, Jack Frost 2 (no, I'm talking about the killer snowman that kills and rapes people with carrots, not that weak ass Michael Keaton film), Freejack, Die Hard 1 and 2, Drunken Master 1 and 2, Liquid Swords Volume 3, Dr. Strangelove, Arthur, Spaceballs (behold film making at it's finest), Cannibal The Musical, Fatal Attraction, Count Duckula (!!!), 2 ECW tapes, 4 George Carlin tapes, Neverending Story 1,2,and 3, a National Geographic tape on Brazil (of course I had to get this!), Santa Sangre (of course), Amores Perros, a documentary about Carnival, one about Puerto Rico, 5 old school Star Trek videos, Under Siege, On Deadly Ground, Bloodsport, and last but not least, a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue video (with Kathy Ireland no less). I finally give up and admit how massive and hopeless my nerdiness actually is. I'm deeply sorry for hiding my dorkiness all this time from you, friends and family. Curses, I was supposed to be all butch and rugged and I have failed!!!! Ligilo 23 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jul. 14-a, 2008|04:29 am] [ Nuna humoro | contemplative ] [ Nuna muziko | Punto Omega - "El Destino" ] Does pussy count as finger food? Ligilo 2 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

BLAZE BAYLEY's Wife/Manager In Critical Condition [jul. 12-a, 2008|05:58 am] [ Tags | blaze, blaze baley, iron maiden, metal, wolfsbane ] [ Nuna humoro | melancholy ] [ Nuna muziko | Stride - "How Far Away?" ] Love and strength for a fellow metal brother!!! Blaze (his solo stuff) kicks ass, and for fuck's sang HE SANG FOR IRON MAIDEN!!! He's always been a true to heart artist and a pretty driven vocalist. Metal fan or no, it'd be awesome for everyone to send a simple "get well" email to messagesofsupport@gmail.com. I've sent mine, and it takes all of 1 minute max. But, Blaze, all the best to you!!! You're not in this alone, there are metalheads from all around the globe on your side. http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=100781 "According to a posting on UK singer Blaze Bayley's (ex-IRON MAIDEN, WOLFSBANE) official web site, Blaze's wife/manager Debbie "is in critical condition in hospital following a dual brain hemorrhage last week and has not regained consciousness." Blaze's bandmates write, "Understandably, Blaze will be staying at bedside for the time being and we as a band are not prepared to put ourselves too far from her under these circumstances. Due to this serious situation, Blaze cannot appear at the Easy Rider Bike Fest [in Italy] this coming weekend and the Brazil tour must be postponed until early next year. For the time being please contact serpentheartedman@gmail.com for any business-related enquiries. Any messages of support can be sent to messagesofsupport@gmail.com — they will be forwarded directly to Debbie and Blaze." Bayley and Debbie got married on February 14, 2007 on the island of Gran Canaria. In a May 2008 interview with HeavyMetal.no, Bayley stated, "I had a lot of problems with alcohol, severe depression, almost had a breakdown at the end of [the] 'Tenth Dimension' [album cycle], fucked about by the record company, totally broke, I'd spent all my money of trying to keep the band together. I was absolutely fucked. I was just about keeping going, and then I met my wife. And she'd known me... We've known each other for 18 years. 20 years. We were apart for years, because I follow this passion for music, and Debbie was following her passion, she was a dancer, and then she got her own hair business, and then we met again, when I was at my lowest. My wife found me, and really made me believe again, that it wasn't all my fault, it wasn't the fact that people didn't like what I was doing, it was the fact that they didn't actually know that I was doing anything at all. So that was a big difference. So that's it. She supported it, then I had incredible support from my family, my friends, and the fans who stuck by me was just incredible. With that kind of support, and with my wife behind me, helping me sort myself out, [I got] through my drinking problems, depression and all of that." Blaze Bayley recently spoke to Metal Hammer TV about his time in IRON MAIDEN and seeing the group play Twickenham on this summer's tour. Watch the chat at this location. Blaze Bayley's new album, "The Man Who Would Not Die", was mixed by former WOLFSBANE guitarist Jase Edwards at Jase's studio in Tamworth, Staffordshire, England. Released on July 7 via Bayley's own independent label (with additional licensing to various countries), the CD was engineered by James Dunkley, produced by Blaze Bayley and it takes Blaze in new songwriting directions, ushering in a new phase of an already renowned career. It is also the first recorded showcase for Blaze's new lineup." Ligilo 1 komento|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jul. 10-a, 2008|01:17 pm] [ Tags | aquaria, internet radio, metal, power metal, stride ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | Aquaria - "Expedition" ] I'm trying to raise money to start my own internet radio station, for just power metal (and related genres). Curious how many of you would love to donate to this cause just out of the kindness of their hearts (and of course to hear some kickass power metal jams that aren't Dragonforce). Well, and I guess I've deserved a dollar or two for entertaining so many people and risking life, limb and liver for your entertainment! Bah, if not, I'm selling pieces of my own hand-drawn personal artwork and writings for pretty cheap (signed as well of course), as well as various movies, CD's, etc. that I'll be digging through tonight and posting later. As for the station, I'm flipping through name ideas, but I've got a pretty massive list of bands to play, from bands as obscure as Stride(RIP) to........ well, I plan on using it to really promote up and coming power metal bands and some of the classics, so don't expect lots of Edguy or Dragonforce. More like Vhaldemar and Derdian! In other news, I'm back in the promotions game, and promoting Aquaria over the summer. If you want a 4 song sampler, feel free to email me at geistimsturm@gmail.com, or just simply YouTube them, or of course MySpace them. Fucking amazing band!!!!! Epic as hell, but incredibly heartfelt and with a heavy lyrical emphasis on nature and beauty. And they mix exotic Brazilian music in with the power metal and classical elements, to boot! It's a dark day and age, which is why we need power metal more than ever. Ligilo 15 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

For the next week [jul. 5-a, 2008|02:27 am] [ Nuna muziko | I'd be giving out answers! ;-) ] Let's play the most addictive game EVER! The Band Game. I name a music band, and you name a band that begins with the last letter of that band's name. And you can reply to ANYONE'S comments on here and roll with that other person's responses (your friends can reply too, but no anonymous ones). Beatles. GO!!!!!!! Ligilo 129 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jul. 3-a, 2008|11:00 pm] [ Nuna humoro | amused ] [ Nuna muziko | Vhaldemar - "I Will Raise My Fist" ] Kickass!!!! Jesse Helms, America's premier redneck, racist, Good Ol' Boy, pro-segregation/Jim Crow asshole, died right on the Fourth Of July!!!! Hey, Jesse boy! Guess who's gonna be waiting for your dumb ass at the pearly gates? "Hey, white boy! Remember how said you and God didn't want me in my favorite diner or church? Back in the 50's? Well, guess what......". Ligilo 10 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jul. 3-a, 2008|05:00 am] [ Tags | bozo the clown, fuck bozo the clown ] [ Current Location | my mansion in Bhurma ] [ Nuna humoro | jubilant ] [ Nuna muziko | Stratovarius- "Eagleheart" ] I'm the happiest man in the world right now! Why? Bozo The Clown died today. http://www.knbc.com/entertainment/16784149/detail.html Good, fuck him! I hope he died a wretched, tortured, lonely death and was molested by rats as he died face down in a run down gas station bathroom. Or died horrifically after being anally raped with a cheese grater. Nope, no such luck. The rotting, hulking terd that was Bozo The Clown lived to be 83, which is yet another reason the world is a sad, sad place. I know there are people going, "oh, he's in a better place". Not me! I hope he's screaming at me from the darkest, flaming pits of Hell in utter pain! I hope Howdy Doody is stuffing his worn out, splintered dick up Bozo's ass as he donkey punches him. Eternally may you suffer, Bozo!!!! *kicks him "300" style right into the pit* Ligilo 3 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

Stratovarius - "Paradise" [jul. 1-a, 2008|12:34 am] [ Tags | gaya, pixar, power metal, stratovarius ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | Neverland - "Black Water" ] For those of you who love your cartoons and power metal mixed together. ;-) Ligilo 2 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jun. 27-a, 2008|01:04 am] [ Tags | eating, food scares, salmonela, tomatoes ] [ Nuna humoro | pissed off ] [ Nuna muziko | Krisiun - "Combustion Inferno" ] God fucking damnit, I'm surrounded by a nation full of goddamn pussies who are afraid to eat a motherfucking tomato!!!!!!!! A goddamn motherfucking tomato!!!! And all this after the whole spinach scare not long ago. And red meat. And tap water. And every goddamn thing that would question how the supposedly safest and purest things are amongst us and up against such scrutiny, all while we are handed medications on TV, totally approved by the FDA, that are proven to cause fatal side effects weeks later. Same dumbfucks who do all these recalls. ( Read more... ) Ligilo 16 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

Ayveq The Masturbating Walrus Died [jun. 26-a, 2008|02:19 am] [ Tags | masturbating walruses ] [ Nuna humoro | bored ] [ Nuna muziko | Sun Caged - "Sedation" ] http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/31/25/31_25_death_of_a_legend.html Ayveq, the walrus whose bizarre, though oddly compelling, masturbation rituals made him an international sensation at the New York Aquarium, has died. He was 14. Though well-liked long before he discovered the habit that would make him a star, Ayveq’s frequent public self-gratification made him the Coney Island institution’s singular attraction. “We are all still in shock about it,” Aquarium Director Jon Forrest Dohlin said. “He was an absolute delight. He had a magnetism and a charm that was totally his own. He loved people and he knew how to work a crowd and entertain guests. “And himself,” Dohlin added. “He did have a raffish charm, no doubt about it.” The Aquarium said workers discovered that Avyeq was ailing on Sunday, June 15. “On Saturday night, he was perfect — no problems at all,” said Dohlin, “but the next morning, we could see that he was not right.” Within one week, he was dead, most likely of a “massive” bacterial infection, Dohlin said. “We tried everything, but it progressed so rapidly,” he said. The exact cause of death will not be known until an autopsy. Ayveq moved to the Aquarium from his native Alaska in 1994, shortly after he and two brothers were orphaned. His name, curiously enough, means “walrus” in Siberian Yupik. The death of Ayveq comes almost exactly a year after the birth of his only (known) son, Akituusaq, whom he sired with the female, Kulusiq after years of unrequited courting. ©2008 The Brooklyn Paper < Downtown: tkt-yes! Half-priced Broadway tix on the way to Downtown Bridge ‘Park’: State: Tranny flick too racy for park lineup > Ligilo 1 komento|Afiŝu novan komenton

I lost my one true hero today [jun. 22-a, 2008|03:07 am] [ Tags | atheist, comedy, dark humor, george carlin, nihilist ] [ Nuna humoro | crushed ] [ Nuna muziko | crying to Mago De Oz :-( ] I'm extremely sad to announce one of my lifelong heroes (and you can tell his influence on my humor on here), George Carlin passed away this morning. To be flat out fucking honest, and I get the one in every 6 months email or post about how I'm a Maddox knockoff. What a fucking joke. I've always been an openly B-grade Carlin knockoff, as if no one could tell from my page. Godless speed, George, you fucking magnificent bastard who NEVER took a rest and laid it out to these softass fauxhawks jackoffs out there. Some supreme fucking deity worthy of praise bless you, George. I wouldn't be metal or kling_klang_bed without you!!! I was supposed to see you October 11th at the Chicago Theater, but fuck if I refund these tickets. A chance to see my hero when I took it for granted and thought it was for granted. George, I know that every last tear we shed for you is just a fraction of the laughs and good times you gave us. Really, honestly, I am breaking up inside hearing this and no matter what, I have to accept it as true. George Carlin is indeed gone. I can't hold back the tears as hard as I try. Ligilo 11 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

Mago De Oz - "La Rosa De Vientos" (The Wind Rose) [jun. 21-a, 2008|02:25 pm] [ Tags | mago de oz, poetry, spanish, spanish music ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | take a guess ] Lyrics translated by your's truly (and trust me, I have a very love and hate relationship with Castillan Spanish!!!!): If planting an illusion And the irrigation is with your love And the water of consistency A flower will burst from you And its aroma, and its heat you will know when something goes wrong If an ideal planting In the land of only 'maybe' And you subscribe with envy It will be difficult to begin The evil starts to echo in your soul Let my light escort you Well, life is a garden Where good and bad is confused and human They do not always know how to choose And if you feel lost You will not have to see with your eyes Get in touch with your soul And you will find calm Your truest rose If planting a friendship With truest seeds And with truest patience Breech with the truth And transplant with faith It takes time and grow If your intoxicating passion Does not cool your heart Stutter your senses and perhaps Talk with the heat and not the reason It is wise to count up to ten (or can mean to take a minute to think) And my light escort you Well, life is a garden Where good and bad Is confused and human They do not always know how to choose And if you feel lost You will not have to see with your eyes Get in touch with your soul And you will find calm Your truest rose Ligilo 4 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

Movie Raid!!!!!!!! [jun. 21-a, 2008|03:36 am] [ Tags | action films, dudeage, kickass ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | Krisiun - "Slaying Steel" ] Is it me or.........is there something....just kinda suggestive here? And yes, it's an actual Ford ad!!!! ( Read more... ) Ligilo 4 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

More Random Thoughts For The Day [jun. 19-a, 2008|01:57 pm] [ Tags | comedy, maxims, rants ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | Nevermore's "This Godless Endeavor" ] I'm beginning to think that, maybe, just maybe, Hollywood has run the fuck out of ideas for movies. And that the entertainment industry has run out of ideas, period. BTW, is "Cavemen" still on the air? Sooooooooooooo, last night, my best friend and I discussed global warming, and he pulled up the oft-used case of how polar bears are drowning because of lack of ice caps. My argument? What the fuck has a polar bear done for me? I mean, I'm supposed to go out of my way to make sure it has a peachy keen life when this fucker would maul the shit out of me if I tried to pet it in return?!?! For saving it's life, I should be able to at least give it a hug. Fuck no, that thing would eat my ass alive! Ungrateful little shit!!!!! If anything, shouldn't we be waiting around with boats, waiting to fish them up and feed starving nations? I guarantee you a starving family out in Zimbabwe or Burma would go apeshit over a good 300 lbs. of lean meat per bear. I'm sure the fish are having some good old times chomping down on that Coca Cola drinking cocksucker for once. Fuck polar bears up the ass with a cold steel dildo. You've never truly had sex until you use a rubber chicken for a condom. Esp. if you poke a hole through the mouth for cum shots and make crowing noises when you cum. I always picture women's bathrooms to be sparkling clean all the time, and always have exotic oils, Vogue and Esquire next to the toilets. Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'. One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.' Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot put the craft through all kinds of maneuvers, but not a word was heard. Up, down, back and forth, even sideways, he did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'. Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!' I begin to think the organ donor program is strictly there to keep Keith Richards alive. You never see a crackhead who says "I'd love to party tonight, guys, but I have homework to do". Woohoo, Ozzfest is coming back in 2009! I'll be sure to keep the eggs in my fridge ready, starting now, for when it rolls into town. BTW, Sharon Osbourne is on "Charm School", teaching the gals how to be ladylike. Which is like Michael Richards teaching race relations. Why is it that people with the least amount of money brag about how much they have? What's Fred Durst doing nowadays? You'd think heroin addicts would make good acupuncturists down the line. Opeth's "Watershed" is in the Billboard Top 25. 'Nuff said! I've never gave a shit, but sometimes I will send someone a gift card for it. Petco is a big favorite for people who want to give a shit without having to dig in deep. People in glass houses are probably going to end up fried to death by the sun's rays before they can toss a stone. Ever notice that mainstream America's favorites change week to week? If environmentalists are protesting bottled water (which I'm sure many of them are guilty of using and preaching about in the past) over it's use of plastic, then why not protest straws? It'd make no sense to tell a pig to eat shit and die. Ligilo 5 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jun. 16-a, 2008|11:56 pm] [ Tags | bbc, earth, nature ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | Mago De Oz - "Gaia" ] Fan-fucking-tastic. I picked this bad boy up today, and it is phenomenal!!!!! It's all the nature documentaries you and I have ever watched put into a DVD package, on a massive budget, and all of Earth's wonders shown raw and uncut. This is the best film I've seen since "Pan's Labyrinth" and "Superbad". I'm pretty sure the PETA crowd won't watch this one though. It actually involves this thing called ecology. Ligilo 8 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

Random Thoughts For Today [jun. 15-a, 2008|05:19 am] [ Tags | maxims, rants, tales of wise sages ] [ Current Location | somwhere in midair ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | Queensryche - "Spreading The Disease" ] -Is it me, or when someone brags about getting "poked" by someone on Facebook, it sounds a little more than suggestive? -I always sit and wonder how many people in PETA have fly traps, roach traps and ant traps in their houses, and sponges. Boycott PETA, and save the sponges! -Here's a manly way to off yourself: burying yourself alive! -I don't know what it is I like about clit. It's like it's on the tip of my tongue. -I set for myself high goals, like being able to nut in one strategic jerk. -Real men drink low quality alcohol. -I actually found out there are indeed people who still smoke cigarettes. -Bring back "Life With Busey"!!!! -Mark St. Anthony, former guitarist for KISS, was beat to death in prison by a dozen people over stealing another prisoner's crackers. No shit! I'd do the exact same thing. Cracker theft is only punishable by death. -What is Lindsay Lohan famous for film-wise?!?! -Stick around. The only major record label that'll be around in 5 years is Disney. -When not on tour, boring bands like Nickelback and Hinder have staring contest parties. -I wanna see a William Hung sex tape. -Deep down, I'm just a big bag of soup. -I have the kind of farts that could evacuate all of Burma and Cuba. -Who needs surgery when you have whiskey, thread and an exacto-knife? Or you can save money by simply using a Pocket Fisherman. Also works for breast and penis enlargements. -To all the Guitar Hero dimwits out there: get some calluses first, then we'll talk about guitar. You know what you'll NEVER see? Guitar Hero: Jazz And Blues Edition. Because, well, um, jazz and blues actually take emotion, talent and a real instrument. Robert Johnson and Wes Montgomery didn't drag a TV cart, TV, keytar and P2 around the country for a reason. -Every time I take a dump, I'm always giving a bit of myself back to the world. -Every morning I pray to Meatloaf. -People still read Rolling Stone?! -Why is it that the same people who argue over global warming also talk about global cooling? Make up your fucking minds!!! BTW, curious why Al Gore doesn't have debates on the subject. -"Crushing" is the most awesome word in the universe. Ligilo 28 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

[jun. 11-a, 2008|05:22 am] [ Tags | concerts, iron maiden, iron maiden live, mago de oz, ozfest ] [ Nuna humoro | bouncy ] [ Nuna muziko | Ensefirum - "Battle Song": ] What can I possibly say about seeing an Iron Maiden show that hasn't been said a million times before? I loved them as a kid (since 8, when my brother took my X-Mas money from my hand, put it down on the counter and got me "Somewhere in Time"), loved them as a teen and here I am still a Maiden fan stronger than ever. Let's put it this way: hearing the CD is like good porn. Seeing them live is like being in the shoot. It's a totally different perspective on a band that could've happily retired long ago, but for us, the fans, they are still as serious as an aneurysm, even with them being 50 years old roughly. Parents were bringing their kids to the show, for fuck's sake!!!! That's what Iron Maiden means and always will mean: the music and the utter power it has to overcome trends and mainstream media, unite, let us grow together, and no matter what, we as the millions upon millions of fans are chickens in the same yard, knit tighter than an ant colony. Maiden owes absolutely nothing to anyone but the fans, and seeing them perform live shows that to the hilt they know and feel this. Maiden could retire tomorrow, go to their resort homes and count money............. but NO!!! They are in it to win it, and they've probably seen you more times than they've seen their homes. And to see probably about 30,000 people feeling this same way is fucking magic. So, UP THE FUCKING MAIDENS!!!!!!!!!! \mmmmmmmmmm/ Oh, yeah, and fuck Sharon Osbourne. She got exactly what she deserved fucking with legends. If I saw her in person, fuck eggs, I'd toss a goddamn boulder on the bitch! God help Ozzy, I'd need shitloads of Ben Sanderson-size booze and Keith Richards-size amounts of drugs to even dunk my dick in her. Can't blame him. Rest assured, Sharon, you're gonna financially pay for that egg incident for the rest of your life. Nothing would give me a bigger hard on than just lobbing a brick at her mouth. PS, as good as Maiden was, it ties with the Mago De Oz show a few weeks ago. ;-) Ligilo 6 komentoj|Afiŝu novan komenton

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]