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Announcing the Apple iProduct [Wed, 12-Jan-2005 3:03 PM]
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[music |Nine Inch Nails -- 10 Miles High (version)]


Apple iProduct. You'll buy it. And you'll like it.
Do you like Apple products? Do you live for every product announcement, every incremental upgrade, every rumor and fake screenshot? Do you wank and blare and drone and fucking gurgle about Apple products morning, noon, and night? Then get ready for iProduct. You'll be blown away. No matter what it is.

The power to buy anything -- and feel good about it.
Will it be merely an incremental improvement? Will we simply increase the storage capacity of an existing product and increase the price? Or will we remove features and capacity and reduce the price? It doesn't matter. We'll still trumpet it as a brand new product, and you'll buy it. You know you'll want it. And you know you'll pay big for it. Steve Jobs could take a dump, put it in an off-white plastic case, add two grey buttons and a small LCD display, and you'd pay $600 for it. Just fucking admit it.

(  --More--( 9%)  )

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]kyzoku
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 3:05 PM (UTC)

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Saw this one and the other one like it over on Gizmodo this morning.
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[User Picture]From: [info]jwz
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 3:07 PM (UTC)

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Gosh, really? There's this practice that people sometimes like to engage in around here called "actually clicking the link that I posted."

Also, the other one is stupid.
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[User Picture]From: [info]tdj
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 3:14 PM (UTC)

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The best part is "ethnic looking clip-art model".
[User Picture]From: [info]40hex
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 5:06 PM (UTC)

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Yep, the four pictures are just perfect too - forty-something guy, girl next door, scrawny young geek, and "Joan M'Benga, ethnic looking clip-art model."

Beautiful.
[User Picture]From: [info]kimberly
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 3:21 PM (UTC)

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That is beautifully funny sh*t. Nice! BTW: I'm a stranger. Some one on my friends list is a friend of yours.

- k
[User Picture]From: [info]vxo
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 3:44 PM (UTC)

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Now that, right there, is excellent.

I find it rather amusing that people who currently have an iPod or iPod Mini, which has much more storage space and a better user interface, are buying the iPod Shuffle. Why, I don't know. (The shuffle feature was, not long ago, introduced to the iPod via software/firmware update.)
[User Picture]From: [info]guyver3
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 4:03 PM (UTC)

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heh I enjoyed this:

[User Picture]From: [info]endquote
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 4:08 PM (UTC)

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Me and another Apple person were talking to a friend about Macs, and the friend asked "So when you buy a Mac, do you get an iPod or anything with it? Dell throws in all kinds of shit."

Other Apple person said "Oh no, Apple makes you pay for everything, and makes you like it."
[User Picture]From: [info]b_a_t
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 4:28 PM (UTC)

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http://www.livejournal.com/users/sobaker/272161.html

A bit of russian, but core idea presented in english - Apple advertizes random songs play(shuffle) as a new, innovating feature :> And of course, would charge you as if they invented something outstanding :-O
[User Picture]From: [info]rantzilla
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 5:25 PM (UTC)

Actually...

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For what it's worth, Apple (in the person of Steve Jobs, in the voice of his keynote yesterday) was pretty specific in saying that shuffle was simply how most iPod owners used their iPods already. That's hardly saying it's a new innovative feature. What is innovative, one might argue, is hardcoding just that one behavior into the device, thus making it more simple, elegant, user friendly and lickable?
[User Picture]From: [info]king_mob
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 4:30 PM (UTC)

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It's a fair cop, but I still kinda want a MacMini.
[User Picture]From: [info]baconmonkey
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 8:57 PM (UTC)

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I wanna see someone put a mac mini in a mini cooper case, or in a statue of mini-me.
[User Picture]From: [info]zenmonkeykstop
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 4:47 PM (UTC)

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What's fun is watching people going crazy over a USB pen drive that plays mp3s, in 2005.
[User Picture]From: [info]pete23
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 5:25 PM (UTC)

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excellent. i've always wanted to be one of the cyclists from monkey dust, but now i realise i am anyway...

"my one is silver, and has an apple logo"
[User Picture]From: [info]i_was_god
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 5:42 PM (UTC)

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You missed their new store
[User Picture]From: [info]greyface
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 5:54 PM (UTC)

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Hah! I like iSmug and "Just the headphones: get mugged too!"
[User Picture]From: [info]jlindquist
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 8:38 PM (UTC)

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"iGun", huh?

I wonder if someone could convince the Austrians to produce a Bondi Blue iGlock. Or to go the five-color route, 'cause the Pink Pistols might go for that, as well as Mary Kay, to complement the Uzi (search down the page) they award top salespeople.
[User Picture]From: [info]pavel_lishin
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 5:45 PM (UTC)

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Brilliant.
[User Picture]From: [info]violentbloom
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 8:59 PM (UTC)

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our brilliant IT guy finally figure out something useful to do with the 8 crappy mac we have.
We're using them to do load testing, I'm running jmeter remotely on them. In theory. you know after I fucking fix them all because you can't just reinstall when you loose the password to the machine, you have to put in a different harddrive, erase and format that, then reinstall. And they're all missing bits and falling apart.
glug this is some sick payback for all the times I said "I fucking hate PCs" (which are equally fucked up just in different ways) Here's a choice moment. I can't decide which OS I hate least. Linux probably. But it runs on shitty PCs. Kill me now! the horror the horror!

[User Picture]From: [info]rosefox
Wed, 12-Jan-2005 11:59 PM (UTC)

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Yes, the OS is clearly to blame for you losing the password.
[User Picture]From: [info]skington
Thu, 13-Jan-2005 4:32 AM (UTC)

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Er, you can put in the original install disk and go to the "Reset password" option, and hey presto, you have access to the machine again. No need to make life difficult for yourself.
[User Picture]From: [info]ian_myatt
Thu, 13-Jan-2005 12:28 AM (UTC)

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I've found from experience, that Mac users are quite a lot like that. As soon as it's out, they want it.

I used to do support for a scanner manufacturer, and the sheer amount of people that blindly upgraded from OS 10.2 to 10.3 was staggering. Their £90-00 was handed over before the disks were off the presses. Unfortunately, they neglected to check compatibility with their scanners.
[User Picture]From: [info]jwz
Thu, 13-Jan-2005 4:06 AM (UTC)

stunning stupidity

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How many jaw-droppingly moronic things can appear in a single article about Macworld? Let's find out, shall we?

  • "Hordes of new iPod users may be sullying the Mac experience."
  • "Thomas said he's not so keen on the show's creeping corporatization."
  • "Koen Van Tongeren, who is writing a thesis on Mac fan culture"
    • "was disappointed by the lack of Apple haircuts and tattoos."
    • "He expected his first Macworld to resemble a Trekkie convention."
    • "But I'm not so disappointed. I got a good deal on a battery."
  • "Anything small enough to put in a backpack doesn't belong on a college campus."
[User Picture]From: [info]armoire_man
Thu, 13-Jan-2005 8:41 AM (UTC)

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Ohmigod! Apple just released a bunch of products that pretty much work as expected and don't require thousands of hours of training and research on the part of consumers who value other things besides computer science!

The bastards. It just makes my blood boil.
[User Picture]From: [info]nerpdawg
Mon, 17-Jan-2005 6:24 PM (UTC)

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well pointed irony will not deter me! i've never been a mac person before, but with os x it's a consumer os i get *excited about*. that hasnt happened in a while