colon open parenthetical mark

11:07 pm

fuck that bitches! i can still cook. being able to make something that you enjoy is possibly the best kind of masturbation i know of.

Current Mood: !

07:50 pm - admission of systemic mediocrity

i have no discipline.
i contribute nothing to my community.
i am not preparing for the winter.
the only reason i work is because:
- it makes me feel needed.
- it gives me money (not for the winter).
- it's a way of keeping myself distracted from real things.

without any agency all is pointless and empty. this is decompensation.

Current Mood: anxious

02:37 pm - the lotus grows in the mud

watched natural born killers last night. wonder if that is the kind of thing they critique in a high school film class. i do wonder about the choices the director made. i let myself day dream fondly about my ex. a consequence of the film i suppose. i wonder if it means i'm getting better...or if it is another symptom of the rats relentless erosion of my back bone.

Current Mood: depressed

08:12 pm - The curse of boredom

Long stretched fields. Fences, foreign trees, row by row.

Woven in tears of those yesterday worlds. It clings to the low new sun.

White wooden church with arms of stone. Smartly cutting.

The layer of lush green lawn. The carpet of sparks.

Wrapping the earth, keeping today safe.

And you, as you were born. At its edge.

The pool is deep and full. Full of mothers sorrow.

Current Mood: anxious

08:12 pm - Schematic Hard-on

Current Mood: tired

02:55 pm - Hello Monday, I know your type!

I fight you Monday!

Current Mood: anxious

10:02 pm - Some words are harder than herding cats

Current Mood: fatigued

02:45 pm - concerning priorities

not even the pretense of elegance today. fuck the font tag. fuck the paragraph tag. i just...can't get over the idea that catering to your subconscious is equivalent to tending to a very self absorbed adolescent. maybe that's just my subconscious. plague me with dreams fucker. i have to keep us fed ... and sane (okay, the bold tag could do no wrong).

Current Mood: confused

03:53 pm - The other rhythm method (riding the bus)

"You should stand up.
We (the mature) sold
ourselves into this.
Our right to ride
like carts of fat
and lard. Dare you
loiter in these ruts
of mate and game?"

Current Mood: anxious

12:42 am - This side up.

Current Mood: agitated

03:49 pm

vanilla, you painted your neck.

expelled from youth-supple pores,

plain vanilla.

plain pain.

Current Mood: awake

10:38 pm - rhyming sucks, i can't even do it right.

Fig. 1

Map 1

this is a (A),

not a (B).

this is me,

wishing i had (C).

Current Mood: anxious

10:47 pm - Please hold the line.

I cooked enough for two....I clicked "Single" in all those boxes.

Current Mood: upset

12:05 am - Fuck DRM! This is theft of the Big Bang

First there was Chaos, the vast immeasurable abyss, Outrageous as a sea, dark, wasteful, wild.

Then; she broke across us and suddenly, we as cold grey stones, glistened and sparkled.

All since has been plagiarism.

Current Mood: stressed

08:43 am - More passively-aggrieved fist shaking

Again a fish spat from deep inside,

on the floor here it flaps, another cold thought.

This mental convulsion, a thing starved of fuel,

sucking at nothing, it will die.

Current Mood: anxious

02:27 pm - The distant hammering of unmarked emocopters

We! in retrograde from some point in our teens.

All our bio-mechanicals slipping out of rhythm and harmony.

So, what do you choose to do with every second remaining?

What actions are yours as you slowly and inevitably crumble?

Me? I'm wasting time. I'm lethargic. I am stripped of motive-force.

Agency I solicit thee. Solicit with kerchief a flutter. Solicit from from listless doldrums.

Current Mood: anxious

11:51 am - for the unschool nerds

intellectual new-money,

i am ignorant of academic superstructure.

of internet,

i am of civilisation.

born from fertile signal noise soil,

i am enabled.

Current Mood: tired

01:41 am - Problem Solving Made Easy

So you're solving things with voodoo?

I know it's easy sometimes, to not bother to know why what works when.

But, like the bat you took the tooth from for your voodoo,

that voodoo will be back! to gummy-gnaw upon your soundness. [1]

Current Mood: awake

12:39 am - Come on, Die Young!

disclaimer: The following should not be interpreted as some pretentious attempt at deep meaning. It's not deep, if you think it is: die.

Someone somewhere is always making noise about how bad generalisations are. You cannot swing a cat without hearing people piss and moan about generalisations. If someone uses an allegory it's fine. a metaphor? it's fine. irony? it is fine. but a generalisation..? there is inevitably a shrieking "GOODNESS ME THAT IS A GENERALISATION!". What possesses people to do this?

When I was fifteen I was warned about lighting fires. At twenty-six I am no longer warned about lighting fires.

Now it is my turn to piss and moan. Money is not a good generalisation, it is not a good replacement for specialised knowledge. Money is not the reason why, and should not be the reason why.

I can only summarise with this:

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

"Without financial incentive there would be much less human creativity."

-- Some Fuck-muppet confusing productivity with creativity.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Current Mood: anxious

10:49 am - prove to me you are free, cut off your hands

It's nice when you realise you are not an individual. That you are merely someone who could not find where they belong.

I fear for people who refer to the brainwashing of the masses. That is a hysterical term and as poor sport as the actions of the accused. Controlling someones environment is not really synonymous with brainwashing.

"Control of a persons environment? what do you mean?"
"Well why didn't you just say brainwashing?!"

-- Nuance is for Sissies

You cannot expect healthy people to behave in a way that is contrary to their environment. I think the probability of someone exercising free will is small.

Yeah, I can hear it now:

"What about self destruction? Surely that is proof free will is abundant(INTERROBANG)"

-- I <3 Mother Russia

I'm not sure that's a constructive argument, I'm not sure that is healthy.

An obvious secret: The reason we act like sheep is because we are in a field.

There seems to be a practical and highly exploitable behavior pattern at work in all of this. I have trouble articulating it. It goes something like this:

When an original idea is presented to us and it passes our common sense vetting process it is adopted as the most probable theory. When another theory comes along that challenges the original it is exposed to all sorts of critical evaluation and bias against it. Bias and evaluation that is seldom if ever applied to the original. As a result it is incredibly difficult for a new idea to usurp an old idea, even if that new idea is more accurate or probable.

"Give me a child for the first seven years of his life and I will make him a Catholic for life."

-- Unknown Theologian

Discarding this as the domain of religious-believers is incredibly dangerous. We are all capable of being unhealthy humans.

A warning: those that consider themselves amongst the awake must be cautious of becoming complacent. No form of affiliation or ideology can protect one from becoming blind and conceited.

Current Mood: awake