Seriously, I promise, this is my last blog on the subject.  My office was disturbed again last night.  It's really fucking infuriating.  She's rude, inconsiderate, and just flat out insufferable.  I'm 95% sure she has listening devices hidden in that place.  I've believed that the entire time I've worked there and I've kept it in mind.  Recently, though, I've started saying more and more things when she's not around that would piss her off.  I'm thinking eventually she's going to slip up and say something that will impart the fact that she records shit around there.

Naturally, I'm a fan of using ellipses when I write.  I've taken to using them very heavily when I write anything in an email to her.  The text they replace is, "You fucking cunt".  Every time I feel that a, "You fucking cunt," would go nicely in the sentence, I put a " ... "  I've printed off the emails I have received in which she has been obviously irrational, spoken to me in an abusive tone, or just said things that have caused me to do unnecessary and counter-productive work.  I'm starting a file so that I can prove that that is an unfit workplace.  I'm only sorry that I don't have evidence of the fact that Kerry had a naked picture of himself on the server that Tiffany found.  If I had that picture in my possession, my case against them would already be rock solid.  As it is, I have my own testimony that I was asked to falsify safety records.  If they have the nerve to fucking fire me for any damn reason after the loyalty that I have pretended to show them over the last ten months, my first call is going to be to OSHA, and my second call  is going to be to the Department of Labor.  I not only have knowledge and evidence of infractions, I have witnesses.  If they know what's good for them, they'll just leave me the fuck alone and let me leave quietly on my own terms.  Otherwise, they're going to have one fuck of a legal fight on their hands ... and I'll have plenty of free time in which to fight my end of it.  If they fuck me over, I will dedicate my every waking moment to making sure they get fucked twice as hard.  And that's all I have to say about that.

On a lighter note, Heather and I have been researching different ways to legitimately earn money online through advertising, affiliate programs, etc.  I'm buying three domain names when I get paid on Friday.  I'm going to set up several sites.  One advertising my web abilities so I can get into freelance web design and graphic design, a reader-interactive liberal blog, kinda like Balloon Juice, but with better opinions (mine), and another I'm just going to sit on for a bit ... til it's useful.  People with far less sense than I have manage to make a damn good living off of money made on the Internet.  I'm researching effective ways to get it done and get it done right.  And I don't pay people for information.  Knowledge is free.  There are countless people out there that would sell you such tips and tricks, probably not even accurate information, and lead you to believe that you could not find the answers you seek on your own.  But I'm one of those that understands that all information can be had for free, if you only know where to look, and if you put a little effort into finding it. 

This was freaky, just happened.  I let the dog out, and these fucking cops ran up to me with flashlights demanding to know if someone just ran through my yard.  Fucking idiots, I swear.  Hello ... my dog is standing there barking at you ... don't you fucking think that if someone had just ran through my yard that my dog would be barking at them?  Good investigatory skills there, piggies.  (Note my clever use of ellipses).  Okay, Lost is coming on.  I'm going to watch it and then fall asleep immediately. 

Disposition: tired

Fuzzy Warbles: None or Other

A funny thing happened after I left work yesterday.  My office cleaned itself, or so it would appear.  Tiffany's office cleaned itself too.  Very strange.  All my shit was rearranged.  My calendar was moved, my paper clip pile was all straightened up and put into a container that wasn't there when I left.  My razor blade that I like to play with was in my garbage can, along with an emptied out plastic box that thumbtacks had come in that had change in it, all in the trash along with two business cards from temp agencies that had previously been on my desk.  Scrap papers had been thrown away, the cover-up tape that I re-use over and over again and keep loosely stuck to the wall, all thrown away.  I really wish my office had not cleaned itself.  I'm obsessive compulsive ... I keep things where I keep them for a reason.  I am comfortable in chaos that has been hap-haphazardly organized by myself.  I am more efficient when I have had time to grow a system around myself ... it's how I do my job effectively and quickly.  Order throws me off.  My calendar not being where I expect it to be causes a glitch in my routine, which puts a chink in my flow, which throws me off for the whole day.  Did I mention: obsessive compulsive?  For God's sake, I have my thumbtacks color coordinated and arranged in a simple pattern on my bulletin board. 

Some of the work I had been working on was missing.  Also, there was an email telling me to let Tiffany handle all of the stuff Jason was doing, and to stop helping her with it, and to just go back to what I was doing before Jason quit ... as if that is some kind of punishment or something.  Actually, I don't know what her intentions are when she does crap like that.  Does she think she's being nice by cleaning our desks and taking our work away?  Is she attempting to subtly alert us to the fact that she is, in fact, in charge by invading our space?  Whatever her reasons, well-intentioned or malicious ... IT'S FUCKING CREEPY!!  Most employers make no secret of the fact that nothing in your office belongs to you, that it is company property.  That's fine, I get that.  I know it is not my computer, not my stapler, not my pens, and those are not my scissors.  I keep nothing personal there at all.  Everything in my office is company property with the exception of my lotion, which I need for my dry hands, which I have to wash all the time, cause that place is fucking filthy, but I digress.  The point is, the office at work which I occupy 8 hours out of every day, is not, as I call it, "my" office.  I know this, and so I know that I have no real privacy at work.  But I expect at least the illusion of privacy that most employers grant you.  If my boss is going to come snooping around my office for any reason, be it to make sure I have nothing inappropriate in there, or that I'm not misusing company property, for fuck's sake, I expect them to put things back where they fucking found them so that it's not so blatantly obvious that someones been messing with my shit.  Again, I understand it's not technically "my" shit, but that's not the point.  If she wants to check up on my work, make sure I'm doing it and doing it properly, then look at my fucking work, see what I'm doing, and fucking leave the rest of the shit alone.  Or better yet, here's a novel idea, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING ASK ME TO SHOW YOU MY WORK, BITCH?!?!"  I'm just glad that I know better than to keep anything of my own there, or to even bring anything of my own into that place.  This is the first time I've ever had a job that I didn't bring a bunch of stuff in from home, decor that makes me feel more at home to spruce up my workspace.  I've never wanted anything of mine anywhere near that god awful place.  I don't want to feel more at home there.  If I did have any of my own personal shit there, I would be even more pissed than I am now. 

I have to get out of there soon.  I can't continue working for someone who has such blatant disregard and disrespect for others.  I've set some things in motion that will hopefully be the first steps toward allowing me to leave that place  relatively soon.  More on that later ... unfortunately, more rants about my boss later too.  I know it's a bit of overkill, but I've been suppressing a lot for a long time, and I need to get it all out.  It's almost over, I promise. 

Disposition: exhausted

Fuzzy Warbles: Mickey Avalon

I came very very close to walking out of work today.  There was a moment toward the end of the day when the real me actually made an appearance in the office.  Usually, I leave my personality at home, because it really hates to work.  So, I go off to work, leaving my personality here and become whole again upon returning home.  That way, my personality doesn't get scarred by that awful place.  But today, for the last 5 minutes and then the 15 that I had to stay over to finish my shit because I kept getting interrupted by stupid crap ... I actually was completely there for the first time.  Luckily, nobody had to see that.  I think New Girl heard me, as her office is right next door, and those walls are thin.  I'm really not sure what the hell I even said ... I just know there was a lot of angry, guttural cussing and violent movements.  I do know that I somehow ripped out the back of my pants in a fit ... I'm not entirely sure how.  I can't even explain what set me off.  Just a culmination of things.  And the strange part about that is that Boss Lady doesn't even treat me like shit the way she used to treat What's-His-Name.  When she starts to treat me that way ... she's gonna be in for a surprise, cause she's really never met me.  I say when, because it is inevitable.  The downward spiral has already started.  First, I realize that she has no plans of replacing What's-His-Name as What's-Her-Name comes back next week.  What's-Her-Name (Owner actually referred to her as that today.  Every time he calls someone that, I immediately interrupt him with their actual name) started two weeks ago.  She worked for four days, had eight days off for a previous obligation, and will be back on Monday.  And the plan is to just split up all my old work and all What's-His-Name's old job and divide it all between me and What's-Her-Name.  Call me crazy, but wouldn't it be better to just let me keep on doing what I'm doing, and let What's-Her-Name take over for What's-His-Name?  But, of course, that's not what's going to happen, because that would be logical.  That would require common sense, and unfortunately, that place has a severe shortage.  Boss Lady is going to be out of town all next week.  So, it's going to be Me, New Girl, What's-Her-Name, and Owner.  Owner is worthless.  He spends all fucking day talking about pointless shit with his blue-collar entrepreneur friends, doing nothing even remotely helpful in solving the day-to-day complications.  So, anyway, when Boss Lady gets back, she's going to realize that while everything will probably go relatively smoothly, they will not be done exactly as SHE would have done them, and thus, all hell will subsequently break loose.  I'm already seeing things that I could do to make all of this a hell of a lot easier, but every time I try to make any small adjustment, I'm told I have to do it THEIR way.  I'm so sick of this bullshit.  I can't wait to get the hell out of there, and I can't wait to get the hell out of Cleveland ... another source of anger for me.  The lawyers keep dicking my sister around and stringing her along on the estate.  They just keep leeching fees off of it and making excuses, and it's getting to the motherfucking point where I'm about to drive back to Indy on a weekday and confront them personally.  You don't fuck with my family or my money, and you sure as hell don't fuck with my family's money.  I have to call my sister this weekend and have a talk with her about it.  I wouldn't allow them to walk all over me, and I'm not going to allow them to walk all over my sister.  I wish I was back there in Indy to deal with this stuff.  I WILL NOT be taken advantage of.  I tolerate what I have to ... people keep pushing, and they'd better let up, because I'm getting near the edge ... someone is going to get hurt.  I'm pretty sure it's just a waiting game at this point ... cause people who like to push don't stop pushing without a reason.   I guess the only question remaining is:  Which one of them is going to me the one to issue that final straw?  This is going to be interesting. 

Disposition: PISSED

Fuzzy Warbles: I've Been So Mad Lately -- Butt Trumpet

Well, work sucked extra hard today.  Boss lady had a total meltdown.  I come back from lunch and everything is fine, then I see her walk briskly into the owners office and say something loudly I couldn't make out, and then, "Fuck you!" and she storms out with him following her.  Then, next thing I know, several people from the warehouse are upstairs and she's yelling at the maintenance guy because she heard him calling her, "The fucking queen upstairs" over the walkie.  She said it was disrespectful and he shouldn't be saying things like that, and didn't he know that she had a walkie too?  Then she called them, "You fuckers," and kept yelling.  Maintenance guy told her that calling him a fucker was far more disrespectful than him calling her the queen.  Then she said, "So sue me," and stormed out.  She didn't come back.  The owner came into my office about an hour later and said that Boss Lady was under a lot of pressure and she needed to get away for a while.  I told him that I'm under a lot of pressure too, but since I'm hourly, not salary, that I guessed I'd be staying.  Then he said, "What's-His-Name did a pretty good job, but he didn't help her out as much as she needed."  He actually called the guy who worked there for about six months,and just quit a couple of days ago, "What's-His-Name."  Well, I'm thinking, if "What's-His-Name" did such a mediocre job, then why did Boss Lady wait to have her melt down until after "What's-His-Name" quit?  I honestly don't know why she would freak out, anyway, as I'm the one that absorbed the bulk of What's-His-Name's workload.  Yet I hear owner on the phone all the rest of the day making excuses for Boss Lady and telling people that she's trying to take on too much and needs more help around the office.  Owner will realize exactly how much I do around there after I get all my ducks in a row (line) and I get out of there my damn self.  Then owner will be calling me What's-His-Name, though by that time I'll likely have worked there for over a year.  Sweet crap on a stick ... I work in a fricken' zoo.  I have no idea what new girl thought of all of this, but she looked rather amused, and a touch frightened perhaps. 

So, anyway, it warmed up to almost 50 degrees today and rained ... my precious snow is melting all away.  It's no longer fluffy and white outside; it's heavy, soggy, and miserable.  But inside, the herb is burning, the Ass Ponys are singing, and Heather is cooking a Fat Tuesday dinner.  Tonight we're having blackened chicken, red beans and rice, and maque choux.  After Heather told me what was for dinner, I said, "Gesundheit."  For desert we are having king's cake, but we will forgo the plastic baby.  There's really no need for a plastic baby in the damn cake.  That's just weird.  Honestly.

Disposition: Chewed Up & Spit Out

Pretty As You Please
by Ass Ponys

thirty candles on the birthday cake
she tries to blow 'em out
does her best but leaves the one still burning
it's hard to figure out
it's hard to figure out she says
picking up the knife
when she considers how the one still burning
best describes her life
she runs her thumb along the knife blade laughing
and cuts the bad part away

reverend father on the t.v. set bringing her to god
she never met him never held his hand
she thinks it's pretty odd
she thinks it's pretty odd she says, picking up the gun
blue pistol in the screen light glowing
there's a job needs done
she runs her thumb along the gun sight laughing
and blows the bad part away

they found her hanging in the neighbor's barn
swinging in the breeze
long legged with her toes near touching
as pretty as you please
as pretty as you please he says picking up the axe
he's walking out beyond the woodpile claiming
he's gonna bring her back
he runs his thumb along the axe head laughing
and chops the bad part away

Disposition: amused

Fuzzy Warbles: Ass Ponys -- Some Stupid With A Flare Gun (Full Album)

Did you ever stop to consider that if you meet someone named Bubbles they are most likely going to be either a hot porn star or a chimpanzee?  If someone says to you, "I want you to meet my friend Bubbles," just what else are you going to picture?  I suppose a fish could be named bubbles, but that's a touch cliché, doncha think?  Wubbalus is a far better name for a fish.   Christ, I've become so serious lately.  I blame Bush.  He really changed the mood in this country.  God, everything was so carefree a few years back.  He did exactly what the terrorists wanted him to do.  They succeeded.  But I don't blame them.  I blame Bush for being stupid enough to play into their hands.  They outsmarted us because we put him in the position to make important decisions.  Damn, see that?  Too serious.  One minute I'm talking about a fish named Wubbalus and then BAM, I get hit with a sad realization (You are coming to a sad realization, cancel or allow?) Allow.  No, strike that, cancel.  Sad realizations bum me out.  I don't want to be bummed out, I want to be happy and carefree.  I want to be able to think about retarded things like I did in my youth without feeling guilty for not standing up and doing something about what's wrong with this country.  I miss that ... but it's not my youth I miss, its the culture of the day, the backdrop that allowed me to be carefree.  America.  I miss America.  Uhhhh Huh Huh, HYou said Miss America, huh huh.  Yes, I did.  And yes, I do.  O'bama is coming to Cleveland on Monday, February 26th.  Heather and I are going.  I've never in my life attended a political event.  I've never in my life REALLY stood behind any candidate.  I've always voted against the other guy, never really for the guy I'm voting for.  '08 will be different.  In '08, I'm going to be voting FOR Barack O'bama.  Hell, if he doesn't win the primary, I'm still voting O'bama in '08.  At that point, what's the difference, really?  I mean, McCain or Hillary Clinton ... Hmm, let me think ... are those two different people?  Oh, wait, that's right, Hillary Clinton is the one saying what the Democrats want to hear right now.  There you go again, Kev.  There you go, running off about politics again.  This is why you don't blog much, remember?  Because every time you sit down and start writing you keep talking about the same things, over and over again.  Isn't that what turns you off reading a lot of blogs?  Especially the overly political blogs?  Yes, because they never say anything new, you always know exactly what's going to be said before you even start reading.  Is that how you want your blog to be?  No, I know you don't.  Do you know how I know that?  Because I am you.  That's right, Kevin, I am you, you are me, we are one.  I know it's shocking.  Yes, I do, I think they all know you're high.  Right, we're high, that's what I meant, of course.   It's a shame you're not the one that controls the hands, nobody can hear your side of the conversation.  Lol, yes, I'm sure that probably is a good thing.  Yes, you are quite sick.  No, I don't think they'd want to read about most of the stuff that spews forth from your mind, either.  Lol, they definitely would not want to read that.  Oh, nasty, seriously, I've topped myself with that one. 

I have 48 cans of Vault.  Vault is even better than Mountain Dew, and it is almost as good as MDX.  MDX, is, of course, the most amazing soft drink that ever has been, or ever will be, created.  That means, of course, that they are going to discontinue it at some point, just as they did my beloved Josta.  But dare I say, I've been waiting a long long time, but I believe they have finally offered me a replacement that is not only as good as Josta, but that exceeds its greatness.  That is a lot for me to say, for those of you who knew me when I carried around two liter bottles of Josta and consumed two to three of them every day, you know this  already.

The Ass Ponys are amazing.  I love this band.  I can't believe I didn't discover them before.  I can't believe I had to wait till I did a music search for the word "ass" in order to stumble upon this band.  They are originally from Cleveland, I read.  So ... I guess something good has come out of Cleveland aside from Heather.  Oh, and the movie "Major League".  Call me cheesy, but I like that movie.  The sequels suck ass, but the first one is really good.  Oh, and "A Christmas Story"!  Can't forget that one.  Okay, so maybe Cleveland isn't ALL bad ... but I swear to God people had better learn how to drive or I may accidentally freak out and inadvertently jump out of my car and strangle another driver at a stoplight ... or while running beside their car while they drive as fast as they dare.  Shicken Chits.  Anyway, so, back to the Ass Ponys.  They sound kinda like Cracker, but I offer that only as a comparison, because they are clearly different, unique, and have their own sound.  They are kind of an alt.Country-Indie-Folk blend.  Very enjoyable. 

Last Night It Snowed
by Ass Ponys

last night it snowed
powdered sugar cedars lined the road
they looked good enough to eat
but i don't think i would
i can't imagine that they'd taste too good

a blanket white
at least it was when it came down last night
the morning brings the rain
the blanket's washed away
now everything turns back to grey

and now you're there
the rain is falling, wetting down your hair
i hate to be the one to say i told you so
but i believe i might have told you so

so live and learn
the snow is melting, never to return
cross your t's and dot your i's
and write "the end,"
maybe someday it'll snow again

last night it snowed

Disposition: Schizophrenic

Fuzzy Warbles: Ass Ponys -- Lohio (Full Album)

And then there were ten, he said, cryptically, with no intention of ever explaining himself. 

I've got lots of heavy shit I could post about ... but I'm really not into it.  Most of it would just be crap I've already ranted about, but reworded to fit my current mindset.  I can only bitch so much about the stupidity of the average American, the corrupt politicians, the annoyance of having to pull the 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5 in my case), and the desire to find a way to make money without having to go somewhere to earn it.  I'll quit now, cause I could go on and on, and I already have in past posts, so it's pointless.

An interesting thing I've found recently is that you can find a lot of really cool music by picking out a single word, or a single theme, and searching Napster with it and its variants.  This started when I played the Butthole Surfers, then threw in Butt Trumpet.  After Butt Trumpet had been playing for a while, I realized, Hey, both these bands have "Butt" in their names ... I wonder what other cool bands have "Butt" in their names ... ass ... anus ... sphincter ... So I did the search.  I searched band name, then album name, and song name.  I found music that ran the gamut from thrash, punk, grindcore and industrial to indie, folk, lo-fi, alt. country and emo, from jazz electronica to blues to classical to comedy/parody to hip-hop and rap, most of which I really enjoy.  Some of the grindcore/screamcore stuff can wear on me after a song or two, but there's no harm in throwing the songs on a versatile compilation ... they are enjoyable in small doses.  Anywho, I just thought I'd share my list of Butt Music with you all:

Bands:
Butt Trumpet
Butthole Surfers
Anal Cunt
Anal Traffic
Ass Ponys
Ass Trio
Flamin' Anus
Classical Ass
Women of Sodom
Butt
Butt Boy
Dr. Tom Butt
John Butt
Joan of Arse
Rayzilla's Peruvian Butt Singers
Skuttl'Butt
Sodom
St. Joseph's Ass
The Ass
Onion Butt and the Love Monkeys

Albums:
Apoll -- The Double Butt Theory
Blue House -- Shake Your Butt
Bluesman Willie & Da Boys -- The Sexy Butt Raggedy Blues
Candy From Strangers -- Cat Butt Tattoo
DJ Dingdong -- Do it in Your Butt
Huggy Bear -- Big Bertha Butt
John P. Blouin -- Butt Kisser
John Valby -- Butt Seriously Folks
Mr. Methane -- Anal Madness From The Man With The Rumbling Ring
swrecords.net -- Nothin' But Beats ... Beats for the Butt 2

Songs:
Ian Butler -- Creme de la Phlegm -- The Shrieking Sphinx's Shrinking Sphincter Stinks

I'm sure there are more, but that's the stuff I found on Napster.

Disposition: groggy

Fuzzy Warbles: Take a Bite Outta Rhyme: A Rock Tribute to Rap

This is one of the coolest things that I have ever seen:

Disposition: excited

Fuzzy Warbles: Le Disko -- Shiny Toy Guns

This is going to be a very fine year. Good things are going to happen, and one year from now when I'm seeing it off and bringing in '008, I'm going to be better off than I am right now, not that I'm not already happy, content, and fulfilled.  The next twelve months are going to be absolutely amazing, I'm going to see to it.  I have so many goals this year, more than in past years, and I'm more determined to see them through this time.  I feel like ... like something is about to break open.  Like this cocoon that's been enveloping me as I've grown, changed, and matured is going to split apart and fall away as I emerge as ... me.  The me that has been aching to exist, the me I'm supposed to be, the me I've always been.  It's going to be beautiful.

I'm going to get at least three more stories published this year.  I'm going to get the groundwork laid for making money off of this crazy old Internet so I don't have to keep going in and working for someone else for the rest of my life.  This year I will take steps to gain lifelong financial independence.  I am not going to live forever, and I'm not getting any younger.  The waiting is over, it is time to act, and act I shall.  I'm going to shoot for the stars this year, and I'm going to hit the fucking stars.  See ya later, Moon, I'm going to keep on going this-a-way -->

"Hey Man (Now You're Really Living)"
by The Eels

Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man, now you're really living

Have you ever made love to a beautiful girl
Made you feel like it's not such a bad world
Hey man, now you're really living

Now you're really giving everything
And you're really getting all you gave
Now you're really living what
This life is all about

Well I just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
But hey man, now I'm really living

Do you know what it's like to care too much
'bout someone that you're never gonna get to touch
Hey man, now you're really living

Have you ever sat down in the fresh cut grass
And thought about the moment and when it will pass
Hey man, now you're really living

Now you're really giving everything
And you're really getting all you gave
Now you're really living what
This life is all about

Now what would you say if i told you that
Everyone thinks you're a crazy old cat
Hey man, now you're really living

Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man, now you're really living

Have you ever made love to a beautiful girl
Made you feel like it's not such a bad world
Hey man, now you're really living

People sing
Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man, now you're really living

Just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
But hey man, now I'm really living

Disposition: optimistic

Fuzzy Warbles: Hey Man (Now You're Really Living) -- The Eels

Last year I kept promising to get pictures of my Christmas gifts up online, and I kept procrastinating until eventually, I just ended up writing a post and listing off some of what I got. That bored me, so, this year, I wanted to create an interactive post that showed my Christmas presents instead of just listing off everything that I got. Since I know I can't use Javascript, PHP, ASP, or any useful language at all in a blog post, I decided to give up my long-standing boycott of Flash technology and give it a whirl. I must say ... it's pretty fricken' neat. You can do a lot of really cool things with Flash.


So, here it is, my first Flash project. Now I can open my Christmas gifts again, and again, and again. And you can too! I actually left one gift out of this little presentation. I got a fleece shirt and pant set, which is incredibly comfortable. The reason it got left out of the presentation is because I was wearing it when I was gathering my gifts for their photo sessions, so it escaped my notice.


Please excuse the file size. It is rather large. I figured out many little tricks along the way to decrease the file size, but implementing most of them at the point I discovered them would have required starting over from scratch after a good deal of work had gone in already, and I was not willing to do that. Future Flash presentations should be smaller in size.