| I Push you Away for a Reason |
[24 Dec 2005|07:54pm] |
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mood |
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 so FUCKING depressed |
] |
I know that you don't see it,
But from the bottom of my heart, I care for you.
Breaking it off between us,
Only so that later you wouldn't have to.
I spoke the words so non-chalantly,
As I blinked back the tears in my eyes,
Careful not to show my true feelings,
..finding it hard to choke back my cries.
I want you to know that you made me happy,
For the short time that we shared,
I wouldn't trade a moment of it back,
I just wish my heart could have been spared.
You wanted to know why I wouldn't let you in,
And I'd deny that I was even pushing you away,
Perhaps I was trying to spare us from being hurt,
But I couldn't help the fact that I wanted you to stay.
Mixed signals I would send you,
One day showering you with praises,
The next one spent yelling at each other...
I guess it was confusing going through these phases.
I know that I can't have you,
But this is coming on harder than I thought it could be,
I want you to call, I want you to understand..
Baby just me and you, the way it should be.
It hurts so much to have it this way,
With me not by your side,
But I know as of now.. it's for the best,
..And my true feelings, I'll just have to hide.
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| hey |
[27 Sep 2005|07:54am] |
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im done with lj because i don't have time for anything anymore.
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| im 18 today |
[10 Sep 2005|08:02am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
and good thing dad has absoultely no clue today's my birthday.
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| tell me how this makes sense |
[05 Sep 2005|10:05am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
so i had my phone stolen.
mom called verizon and asked when we were elligable to get the discounts on new phones.
they said now is alright.
but that sal's phone (my little brothers).. was the main line..so he had a 100 dollar credit.
he was only made the main line because the little fuck who puts his friends on hold for 3 hours at a time was usin too many of his minutes up and mom had to make him the main user so that he'd be given more free minutes.
right at that point.. he shoulda had his phone taken away.
so anyway.. i clearly need a new phone more than anyone in the house.
considering.. I DONT HAVE ONE AT ALL.
mom was all "well jaq your new phone is gonna cost you $200. your brother's getting the same phone.. but his is only $100!
wtf?
give me some fucking money credit?
i think i need a phone just a tad bit more considering he has one......and i dont?
so this morning mom was all "yah.. you can have 50 credit and he can have 50.. that okay?
and i said yah sure
because hey.. im all about being fair.
then little brat asshole spoiled bitch ass prince salvatore wakes the fuck up and hes all bitchin to mom "why's she got ot have money towards her phone?@?!?! tahts not fair! you said it was mine!!! waa waaa wahhhh"
GET A JOB YOU FUCKIN SPOILED DICK FACE.
I WORK FOR MY MONEY.. IT'S NOT JUST HANDED TO ME FOR BEING ANNOYING, LIKE IT IS TO YOU.
then after mom calmin his obnoxious 15 year old ass down for about an hour.. he comes downstairs and hes all "jaq.. you cna have 50 of MY credit dollars towards your phone.. but only because im being nice"
i was ready to punch him in the face.
but instead i jsut turned around.
i dont want to argue it ebcause then the prince's servants (aka mom and dad) might have come galloping to his mother fucking rescue and taken away the credit he so generously gave his hard-working sister who works about 8 hours a day, 5 days a week AND attends college.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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| im bored anyway |
[16 Aug 2005|12:12am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
tagged by ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) _pryncess
DIRECTIONS: List ten songs that you're currently digging. It doesn't matter what genre they're from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good. They must be songs that you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the ten songs and their artist(s), and then tag five other random people to see what they're listening to.
1) "I go crazy"-- DHT (i highly reccomend that)
2) "konstantine"-- something corprate
3) "quit playin games with my heart"--BSB (never gets old)
4) "Here's to the night"-- Eve 6
5) "There's a boy i know"-- i have no clue what her name is
6) "Paid my dues"-- Anastasia
7) "tiger lilly"--matchbook romance
8) "Get it poppin"--Nelly ft. fat joe
9) "The good stuff"-- no clue once again.. some country singer though.. damn good.
10) "knuck if you buck"--mob deep
anddddd i tag:
ianischester , ninaner , tothe_______end , _caitlin477_ & key_2_my_heart
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| updating for no reason because today was the most boring day of my life |
[09 Aug 2005|05:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
today was one of those horribly boring days.
the days you SWEAR are the "longest day EVER"
i woke up.
realized that dad was home.
automatic shittiness.
i hate that fucking bastard.
..so anyway.. i skipped breakfast becaue mom was at the food store and had promised to buy me oero-o's and i was soo gonna demolish all of that for lunch.
..then she comes home and shes all "oh.. they were all out.. but i got a rain-check"
rain-check?
rain-check?
i had been dying for those oero-o's to go on sale now for what? 2 years?
its been FOREVER since ive tasted the beautiful orgasmic taste of my cereal ♥
..all gone!
gone with the promise of nothing but a rain-check.
ugh.
then i just moped around all damn day. it was one of those days where it rained earlier..and the rest of the day just looked like a promise of rain was on it's way.
shitty.
so i looked out every single window in my house in 5 minute sessions for some reason.
then i watched DATE MY MOM.
then i took a nap.
then mom felt the need to wake me up from my nap even though she KNOWS thats a BIG "no no"
she knows damn well that ever since i was little and had my stupid night-terrors.. that when i wake up from a nap.. im either super nice and happy.. or im SO bitter nad flat out mean.
a vast majority of the time im mean.
so she woke me up.. and then felt my wrath.
now im left here feeling bad because i cant even remember exactly what i screamed at her.
but dear god woman.. it's 1 thing you dont get oero-o's.
it's another thing that you're staying married to a man that is satan on earth.
and then it's a WHOLE NEW STORY.. when you're gonnwake me up from my nap and proceed to ask me 2934839459345 questions when you come to the realization that im pissed off?
so now im sitting here talking to katish. we're both horribly bored.
only im bored AND pissed off.
ughh...
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| happy birthday ang |
[22 Jul 2005|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
] |
so today's ang's birthday.
happy happy birthday=)
well i called out of work because first off, it sucks and i dont feel like going.. and second.. i'd like to spend time with the birthday girl and my friends =)
in my life:
-it's still the same.
-dad's still a dick.
-mom's still with him.
-me and rosa want to run away but i wont be 18 till setpember 10th.
-rosa pretty much threatened to kill herself today.
-mom's slowing turning into a well-educated version of dad.
-i don't like//have a crush// or am in love with anyone; still =(
-i miss that feeling.
-we all go back to school too damn soon.
okay thats it. bye.
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| blah blah blah |
[06 Jul 2005|10:33am] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
] |
my heart tells me that we should be this close f o r e v e r
but my mind can't read everything that's going on
going on inside your head
i don't wanna walk away cause i messed up love before
and i'm sorry....
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| ugh |
[01 Jul 2005|02:23pm] |
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mood |
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angry |
] |
so maybe THIS is why im a bitch.
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| so i heard it was cool to not live a normal life |
[09 Jun 2005|10:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
yahhh..... im not gonna go into detail.. but really guys.
appreciate what you have. it's the normal things in life.. the things yous take for granted..
..the things that i'd die for.
ughhh. nobody understands that; but hey.
so tonight is alicia's viewing. it'll be hard.. but i need a chance to say good bye to her.
here.. i stole this from mal.. the very BEST party girl in the world.
( she always finds the best things. )
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| RIP kern |
[06 Jun 2005|09:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
alicia kearney.
kern...
i used to love to tell you my stories about work.. hah and in english class..i wouldnt make the move to put my head down.. unless i saw you nappin' it up first.
and you always had the best sarcastic personatliy.
i love you.
it wasn't your time. you just graduated about 4 days ago.
the only thing i can do now is try to live a life for the both of us.
i hope we all make you proud.
..i wish so bad that you didn't leave.
i miss you.
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| i dont want to leave paul vi |
[31 May 2005|10:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
yahhhh i had a great class.
and graduation practice is just maing me realize that im leavin.
ugh anyways..
had practice today then took fran home.. then me and katish went out for a little.
hahaha i sang "i got you babe" at nifty fifties.. and we came off once again; as TOTAL lesbians.
hahahah ONE DRINK; 2 STRAWS PLEASE.
so anyway.. then i went home and took a crazy long nap.
i hope i dont have mono.
then i went to get the rest of my pay from work.
uhh then me and katish went to the mall and i finally found my italy shirt.
WOO
italian pride.
i wish i could find a sicilian one though.
uhm.. dave hates me.
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
momma on a role.
okay bed.
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| yah |
[26 May 2005|07:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cranky |
] |
so i hate people that ask for things.. and then can't handle the truth.
k that's it.
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| you know whats so awesome about me? |
[14 May 2005|11:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
...i dont get hung over.
so prom was thursday night.
it was a good time.
our theme was "here's to the night" and strangely enough.. as a souvenier.. the school gave the girls martini glasses and the guys got beer mugs. Yet..... they told us NOT to drink after.
then me, gaudio, rj, jenna, bill bo, alicia, dave, kate, and ang all drove down to wildwood.
billy bo and alicia stayed at the other house but we checked into our house.
the land lady was sucha bitch.
and if we did drugs we were gonna get "LACKED UP"
good thing i dont smoke anything anyway.
that night was soooo much fun.
we played circle of death and got pretty damn drunk. then went to bed around.. 4...5 ish?
i got up around 9somethin to call mom. then slept for a little more. thennnn it was the next day and we kinda walked around.. and started drinkin early.
katish and frank came down the shore that day. yayaya for my best friend coming!
and then rob, natalie, and lauren came too.
the rest of the day was spent getting drunk in the house, walkin back and forth from our house and hte other shore house with PVI seniors in it, walkin on the boardwalk and gettin curley's fries.. and winning AGIS the green dog on the boardwalk.
hahaha um... my ebyv4eu and i both are no longer TRUE ebyv4eu's but HEY.
we had a blast. yes, a blast.
hahahaha and oh yah. so kasey jackson spilled a whole beer ont he carpet in between our two shore apartments.. and chris just rubbed it in.
then the land lady saw it and she was all "whats this?!?!? are these your BOOZE?!?!??"
and me and cris told her it was water and that it'd dry.
hah.. then she goes "well if it doesnt.. then yous arent gettin your 25 dollar security depoists back"
..later she gave me mine back though. because for some reason.. all old people ADORE jacqui.
then the night went on. i became friends with a lot of people i either despised before... or just never really knew.
yayaya for new friends.
me rob natalie and lauren had to go back home after friday...
of course ont he way back home.. rob MISSES our exit.
NICE.. because i had to be home at a specific time and all.
we went to.. new gretna?
then smithsville...
andways.. we somehow landed in trenton.. and when you live in south jersey like we do... that's a problem.
especially when none of us knew how to get home from there.
so we ended up stoppin at this WaWa and me and rob went in to get directions.
luckily this little lady in there knew how to get us back to gloucester township.
...she gave us awesome directions... too bad we were an hour and a half away from home.
so i ended up screaming at rob that i hated him.
hahaha but oh well i've since apologized.
then i got home.. and went to bed.
i miss my friends though=( i want to go back.
i loveeeeee you guys so much<3 class of 05.
THE BEST EVER. i could seriously NOT ask for better friends.
thank you god for giving them to me=)
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| aw hell naw mannnn |
[12 Apr 2005|10:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
woo travis barker is such a hottie.
i dont update i know.
but hmm let me see..
i hvae off from school for the rest of the week and monady too.
whattttt.
got a prom dress today.
i guess i'll take pictures later or somethin.
im pretty damn tired of getting either anonymous comments in my journal.. or ones that are just ridiculous.
aply to a rating community?
you're gonna get rated.
it's something i do when im bored. and i'll do it how i want.
but for those of you who don't know me... dont know how i live?
yah.. its just annoying.
i dont have an easy life.
asha and katish could back this one up.
its bad. so much that i just dont even like to talk about it.
but in basic words.. just to get the point across... think about how it would feel like.. to live everyday with satan as your "father"
woo daddy dearest.. i hate youuuuuuu<3
so little fuckers who like to enjoy expressing your ignorant opinions...TRY KNOWING BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
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[27 Mar 2005|01:10am] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
AHAHAHHAHHH
look at my other post..
the one right before this one.
hahah someone called me a whore and told me to check out this metnal health site.
well it's obvious that it's just some jealous fuck poor cry baby who couldn't handle my put-downs in some community.
aw
cry
baby
cry.
bahahaha
but hey that reminds me.
the other day i was pullin out my best friends neighborhood and she was sittin int he passenger seat.
so i couldnt really see past her head and i just pulled out based on waht i could see (stupid)
so anyway i alsmost side-swiped this woman's car.
she got in front of me and went on ehr brakes and gave me the finger.
understandable.. because i KNOW it was my fault.
she was all "I GOT A KID IN THE CAR, BITCH!"
...as if i wouldn't have almost hit her car if i'd known there was a kid on board.
so then i thoguht this lady had her fill.
she pulls over and like gest out of her car.. as if she wanted me to get out too
and she's all "YOU FUCKIN WHOREEE!"
LET ME TELL YOU GUYS JUST HOW MUCH MY DRIVING ABILITIES HAVE TO DO WITH MY SEX LIFE=)
i guess my sex life also reflects off my lj life too now.
later loves=)
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[10 Mar 2005|02:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crappy |
] |
i gave blood today.
really really really dumb of me.
although i had the BEST support by my bench side...
hahahah the barber shop quartet.
ugh geez, i feel like a drained piece of crap.
<33
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| got this from xiren |
[04 Mar 2005|10:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be)
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