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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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| Subject: | signs of the time |
| Time: | 12:48 pm. |
| Mood: |  lonely. | | Music: | Holding On By Ferry Corstein. |
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long time no update, i had completely forgotten i had this journal till last nite. im now living in nashville, im a male performer in training. i miss all my old friends i never realized how much they meant to me till now...now that they've all moved on, pursueing their own agendas. this harsh reality of life hit me last nite as i looked at old journals that havent been touched in years. i wish i knew how everyone was doing
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Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
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| Subject: | what the crap |
| Time: | 9:26 pm. |
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 I am The Hanged Man
The Hanged Man reminds us that the best approach to a problem is not always the most obvious. When we most want to force our will on someone, that is when we should release. When we most want to have our own way, that is when we should sacrifice. When we most want to act, that is when we should wait. The irony is that by making these contradictory moves, we find what we are looking for. For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com
| What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.
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| Subject: | instanbul is constantanople |
| Time: | 9:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. | | Music: | Real Emotion English version- Kumi Koda. |
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i know this, i just like to say it.
it amazes me by how many ppl i talk to online tell me how good i look. i dont believe this. maybe i dont give myself enough credit, but either way youd think that if i looked as good as ppl say i do that i would have a boyfriend or at least more offers for dates but i dont. this bothers me, i know im a shy guy but i mean comeon ppl.
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Monday, December 22nd, 2003
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| Subject: | X-mas party tonite |
| Time: | 5:29 pm. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | none just the news. |
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well tonite is Mcalisters X-mas party. its going to be at Holly's house. im excited, im going to gt "toe up". Holly's making some punch thats like 100% alcohol oh well i cant wait
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Thursday, August 28th, 2003
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| Subject: | so....how are you |
| Time: | 9:08 pm. |
| Mood: |  drained. | | Music: | Future Girl by Smile.dk. |
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well yet another uneventful day. i dont know why but for the past 2 days ive been so drained. i came home from work today and just slept. either way, i work a double shift tomorrow. not to bad though 11-2 then 5-8 claudia says chances are ill be out of there by 6. then i probably go to bills to get stuff prepared for the making of my costume for AWA, im so excited about, i want it to be perfect but i think bill has different ideas for it.
there were a bunch of cute guys in mcalisters today, i think i got hit on, i never can tell, he asked me what i like to eat there, i know its just a general question but it was the way he said it.
also i had a semi-sex dream bout matt, my straight guy friend. it wasnt to sexual, we just made out, but he totally shocked me he just kissed me while we laid on bridgeys bed as we always do, then i pulled back completely shocked and he just pulled me back and we made out. it was an amazing kiss, but alas it will never happen cause he straight and quite frankly hates to kiss ppl. the straight bastard LOL
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Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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| Subject: | ugh |
| Time: | 11:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  blank. | | Music: | Sora's Folktale. |
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ok nothing to eventful today, (im starting this over so just follow me ppl), i was at a light in front of the old wal-mart today and this old guy rear-ended me. dented his front-end just scratched my bumper, no biggie so we decided to just let it go. Tim came in to work today, id forgotten exactly how cute he was. it was good to see him again.
youd think with me joining the Military id be nervous but im not, i still dont know what branch im going in to, either Navy or Army or Marines, im not sure witch one though.
AWA is slowly approaching, Bill is making my costume, big thanks to him, i need to start saving for it though.
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| Subject: | sigh |
| Time: | 2:06 am. |
| Mood: | lonely. | | Music: | Salva Nos from the Noir Soundtrack. |
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ok ill fill yall in on my life later but now here's my life so far. yesterday while looking for something in my room, i came across Brians phone number. for those of you not current in my past loves, Brian is the only guy i believe ive ever truly loved with all my heart. he moved and somehow i lost his number. he called me once a week but then the calls stopped and i hadnt hearde from him in almost a year. i miss him dearly and would give anything to see him, let alone touch him one more time. i just wana know if hes ok. so i found the number but im afraid to call it, b/c in my life i know that if i call it, the number will probably disconnected and i will never hear from him again. i love him and he loved me but knowing that i may never hear from him again kills me. but i know that i have to call him.
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| Subject: | Centuries since my last update |
| Time: | 3:52 pm. |
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well long time no see my beloved little journal, alots happened in the span of time ive been away. ill have to let it all flow in small quatities. anyway dads gonna put a battery in my car after the race, in approx. 7 laps, then im gonna get bridgett and we're off to DBA. ive been on vacation so ill so excited to go back to my second home of bridgeys house and DBA. well ill be back tonite to fill in all the blanks from my absence. till then
sayonarra
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Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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| Subject: | give him another damn cookie |
| Time: | 1:26 am. |
| Mood: | confused. | | Music: | Ya La La By Froggy Mix. |
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well i went out again last nite, this time however had an odd twist.
ok me and jessica had talked about going to Graham so we decided lets go Fri. nite, ok so Jennifer wanted to go and randy wanted to go, ok but i have to work till 12, well i stayed for Jennifer, a manager one nite so she said i could leave at 11 on fri. so thats it, i get off at 11 jennifer meets me at work we go back to my house i tke a shower jessica picks us up we meet randy and go, well that was the plan, and it worked but this time we picked up an unexpected extra. Chris, guy i work with comes in wondering where richard was, well richard got off a while ago but was supposed to come back, he never showed up, so im like where were yall supposed to go, chris is like graham central, im like well im going you can come with us, so there it was,, jenn shows up i get off and we 3 pile in my truck and we're off to my place, while going up the drive-way i see a car, its jessica shes early, wo we all go inside and i take a shower while they make small talk, were off to go to randy, we get in his car and go, we had fun.
towards the end we all went our sepperate ways, me and jess go to the techno room with the couches, randy sings kareoki and jen and chris go to dance, well at 2-30 we meet up at the 3rd floor here comes chris and jenn holding hands @_@ what the @#$%? apparently they hit it off cause in the car they were MAKING OUT. i was shocked as were the rest of us.
as far as i go, recently i got an email from this guy named get this J. some of you may remember that "J" is my nickname, anyway i called him tonite and we started talking and stuff and we share the same views on many things. he used to be a dancer at Connections, he also used to be a stripper, he said when he tells ppl that they tend to think he's a slut but hes realy not, needless to say im off tuesday and we're going to meet and hang out that day.
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| Subject: | watch out for that wombat |
| Time: | 1:37 pm. |
| Mood: | exhausted. | | Music: | Daddy DJ, one of the songs we heard last nite. |
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man i had so much fun last nite.
ok i went to bridgetts about 10, heidi had bought wine coolers and they'd already had some, bridgett drank maybe 1/2 of one and she was already drunk, she has no alcohol tolerance. well we finally leave and we're headed for my sisters, we get there and my sister bought a box of melonball shooters, heidi had one me and april had 4 and bridgett had 1, thats all that we would give her. we get in the car and leave and it was me and bridge in the back and i cant believe some of the stuff she said to me. she offered to give me head!
i cant believe her, shes done it before but still.
we get there and we all take, except bridge, one more shot then we went to Graham.we get there and wow, i was impressed, we went up to the 3rd floor and started our dancing there, they had cages you could inside and dance and so we mainly danced in the cages, man i had so much fun, bridge was feelin a little funny so heidi took her to the bathroom me and april stayed with the cages. this guy kept all his time watching my sis, i mean deep concentration, finally he leaned to me and asked if she was my girl , i said no thats my sister, he leaned back down took my hand and shook it, he looked back at my sis and took my hand again and said thats all im gonna say man. he was so drunk. some girl kept hitting on me, and someone grab my butt while we were looking for bridge and heidi.
after we found bridge and heidi we all went to the roof and just chilled outside, they had me ask the security guy when it closed, he said usually 3, and might i add this guy was hot!, well they started closing down the roof so we decided to go to the second floor and sit in this room with couches and a tv, we later leaned this was a techno music video room and were in heaven we all sat on the couches and just grooved away it was so cool. we then left and went back to my sis's apartment, where i drank some more. aparently, i have a high alcohol tolerance. well after a while i drove heidi and bridge back home, we were exhausted. i had there id's when i got home, i stuck em in my pocket b/c they didnt have any. so this morning heidi called and asked me to drive to bridgetts and drop em off i did.
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Saturday, June 29th, 2002
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| Subject: | happy b-day to me!!!!!!!!!! |
| Time: | 4:58 pm. |
| Mood: | excited. | | Music: | Lively Motion From: Sabre Marionette J. |
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attention: today is my 18th b-day!
well its here my 18th b-day, and well tonite my sister is taking me, bridgett and heidi to Graham Central station, and im going to look oh so sexy. I've this pair of tight, but not to tight jeans im wearing, and this tight dark grey shirt, i look oh so hot in it. heidi is buying wine coolers and my sis is buying a box of shooters, the kind that come in the test tubes.
ill probably go over to bridgetts at 10+30 pick her and heidi up and then be at my sisters around 11, we'll leave about 11+30 and party till whenever. i hope i meet some hot guys tonite.
wish me luck
Sayonara
~Justin
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Thursday, June 27th, 2002
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| Subject: | why is everyone deleting there journals |
| Time: | 7:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | My sister doing Tae Bo. |
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Question: Why are all my friends deleting there journals?
Well for my B-day, which is Sat. my sister is taking me, Bridgett and possible Heidi to Graham Central Station, a club in Nashville. Im so excited.
By the way i told my sister, i knew she'd be cool with it, but i dont think she fully knows the extent of the things I've done with a guy, like the sex and stuff like that, i think she thinks that ive just kissed one, boy is she way off.
on a simular note, my dad kinda went through my room and straightened it out a little, moved some cloths and stuff, and well bridgett gave me this picture from an art magazine of these 2 fine dudes in a passionate kiss, well the picture was moved from its usual sanctuary, hmm could he have found the picture and looked at it. i dont know.
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| Subject: | who lives in a pineapple under the sea... |
| Time: | 12:46 pm. |
| Mood: |  hungry. | | Music: | Spongebob Squarepants. |
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so im watching Spongebob with my sister=26 and my neice=6, my sister is the one who wishes to watch it, this bothers me, but i have to admit it is a funny show.
ok im planning on telling my sister sometime this week that im gay. i expect her to be cool with it because me and her are so close and shes cool with it. lets just pray.
MD about my last post, its not that i want "booty", i think its that ive been in a relationship with someone for a while, that now that im not, im lonely. plus im wanting some new friends to hang out with, not that you guys arent great enough it just i dont see yall, case point, today. yall could of called me more than once, im a little erked by that. but oh well.
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Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
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| Subject: | the milk expires on my B-day |
| Time: | 7:17 pm. |
| Mood: | lonely. | | Music: | Toki Ni Ai Wa From: Revolutionary Girl Utena The Movie. |
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seriously, i just ate some frosted mini-wheats and i looked at the milk and it expires on my B-day. ok this is an anouncement: *clears throat* Attention to those reading this journal, im looking for some decent gay guys to hang out with or you know, possibly more. So if you yourself are a decent gay guy or you know of some decent gay guys in my general area of Galltin Tn, point them or yourself in my general direction.
ok i think that about covered it. seriously though, ill be 18 in 7 days, i need to go out more and meet new people, i dont wanna say im desperate cause im not, however i may be reaching that point. anyway, i just wanted to get that out of the way and let yall know that the milk expires on my b-day.
Sayonara
~Justin
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| Subject: | oy oy oy follow me |
| Time: | 2:49 pm. |
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Justin,
i am sorry for being an asshole last night on the phone. i wasn't trying to be, i am just really freaked out about this whole situation and whats going to happen. i want you to know that i dont' hate you or dislike you. I Love You with all my heart. i have been contemplating on how to tell you that. i am not good with words as you know. I have been wanting to tell you that I Love You for a while now. I was just scared to say it. I wish that I could have gotten to spend more time with you. I wish i didn't have to move. I wish a lot of things but I can't have them so such is life. I just want you to know how much I Love You and care for you. I hope you don't hate me.
Love You Always,
Brian
this is the email he sent me on fri the day after we broke up.
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Thursday, June 20th, 2002
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| Subject: | AHH YOU MAKE A ME BLEED |
| Time: | 1:51 pm. |
| Mood: | blank. | | Music: | Jerry Springer on TV. |
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well guys bad news followed by more bad news brians moving for real this time. and last night i called him and we talked about whats going to happen to us well we decided to end it. so alas im now single once again. however it really bothered me or how carefree he could say that we had to end it, i confronted him about it and he said that hes not going to worry about stuff like that, that he worries enough already and that a relationship isnt a top priority to him right now. then when i asked is this the official goodbye he said it was up to me, i was like why must i decide he said so itll make him seem less like the asshole, i was like to late for that you already seem like an asshole. he just seemed like he didnt care. i just dont get it
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| Subject: | NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS, I DON'T KNOW THEM EITHER!!! |
| Time: | 8:25 pm. |
| Mood: | good. | | Music: | Sleepy Hollow on DVD. |
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well well well, i had such a great time last nite. first off before we left i had my first taste of alcohol, i had a lemondrop, which is basically a shot of vodka chased down by a bite of lemon coated in sugar, i must say it was damn good, i wanted another but we were fixin to leave, but first april and kelly lit up so of coarse i got secondary. we didnt go to Jillions as planned b/c they had 21 and up nite there. so instead we went to the Family Fun Center in H-ville. well we got there about 9+30 and played arcade games till Cosmic Bowling started at 11, of coarse i danced. well then we decided to cosmic bowl, we played 2 games, Kelly kicked mibne and my sisters @$$. then we went back, after getting some taco bell at 2 in the mornin. i wanted 2 more shots of vodka when we got back to the apartment but april and kelly already had to much. so we ate our taco bell and watched superman on cartoon network then we all went to bed. i had so much fun, aprils taking me out again on my b-day, in 13 days.
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Saturday, June 15th, 2002
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| Subject: | Yo , Mr. Foreman ,Sir!!!!!!! |
| Time: | 3:57 pm. |
| Mood: | relieved. | | Music: | Some Clon song: Track 9 on Disc 2. |
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we'll good news guys, brians not moving at all. yes. im so excited/relieved/glad/etc. he told me today when i called him. yay! anyways i got my Clon cd 2 days ago and my God they're awesome. its all in korean the writing on the package and everything so i dont know the names of the songs, except the ones that me and bridgett downloaded. they're so cool im listening to them now. anyways im going out tonite. my sister is taking me out tonite to Jillionsat OpryMills to dance on the DDR arcade, i dance the whole nite while they get drunk at the bar, then later go back to there place where the will light up so weed and ill end up gettin high by the secondary, its all happened before but i have so much fun with my sis. you wonder why?
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Wednesday, June 12th, 2002
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| Subject: | please dont leave |
| Time: | 9:44 pm. |
| Mood: |  worried. | | Music: | Knife of Romance from Angel Sanctuary. |
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ok guys bad news, Brian's leaving hes moving away to Brentwood and living with Raymond. hes parents are moving to Ohio and he wants to stay so hes going to live with Raymond. heres some info on raymond. When Brian ran away from home he went and stayed with Raymond, a 37 year old music producer, they fooled around while Brian stayed there. well 2 weeks ago after Brians B-day, Raymond took him out to dinner and after Raymond tried to get him to go back to his place but Brian said no and Raymond proceeded to kiss him knowing that Brian was going out with me, Justin. now hes going to live with him all the way in Brentwood and ill never see him again. hes leaving sunday, hes seems happy about it. this obviously bothers me. i dont wont him to go. also we dont know if we should break it off, he seems to be taking it like its nothing, well im sorry, i cried when he first told me. this really sucks being that my B-days next Sat. and i wont have him with me by my side or even see or hear him that day. what should i do> should we end it, i dont believe in LDR. I called him tonite and he was like im watching American Idols can I call you tommorow? What am I to do?
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j15210's journal
