sometimes it's better to travel than to arrive . . . [entries|archive|friends|userinfo] Ryan [ website | it always ends in (wh)y. ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ archive | journal archive ]

this house if full of ear, but i can't talk to anyone they've heard this one a thousand times before [Sep. 22nd, 2004|08:05 pm] [ the rub | buzzin' ] [ what gets me going! | maybe i'll catch fire - alkalkine trio ] LIVESTRONG! ok so lance has this great foundation for helping advance cancer research, and i fully support his cause and the cause for cancer research and a cure for cancer considering i've had TWO family members, my uncle and my grandfather die because of it, and my aunt survive breast cancer. i hate cancer, its exactly what it says and it eats away at people until they are shriveled up and figures of their former selves. i pray for anyone who ever has cancer and hope for a quick recovery or a quick fate for them because being someone who has seen it at it's worst i can tell you i would NEVER want it to get to its worst point on my worst of enemies. however, i have a bone to pick with these people who wear these bracelets. there are so many people wearing them it is almost like a fucking trendy. like its the 'cool thing' to do to wear a yellow lance armstrong 'livestrong' bracelet. come the fuck on with that shit! ok speaking as someone who has had a personal connection with cancer three times over and who in the most likely case has an extreme chance of having cancer i am truly upset at this site. now i know you're saying "shut up you should be happy and thankful there are so many kids participating in this. its a good thing" well yes it is a GREAT thing but not when you have to have a fucking bright yellow "look at my wrist" bracelet saying "HEY LOOK! I SUPPORT CANCER RESEARCH! AREN'T I SOMETHING SPECIAL?" frankly, NO YOU"RE NOT FUCKING SPECIAL! i support cancer research and i dont wear a bracelet daily to showoff my support. it's not a sports team. if you dont wear the bracelet the institution and research doesnt stop. don't be so proud of your contribution be proud of those who actually have it and have to wear a hospital bracelet every single day saying what type of cancer they have. im not saying take them off im just saying lets stop handing out bracelets to everyone who says 'hey! im against cancer i'll wear one!' WHO ISNT AGAINST CANCER!? that's like saying "HEY! I'm AGAINST SLAVERY!" well what the hell!? ofcourse you are! in conclusion i would like to say i love mug club and my suite mates from freshmen year. garber for life. goodbye. Link 3 comments|Leave a comment

i woke up with this weird fungus on my . . . [Sep. 19th, 2004|06:34 pm] [ the rub | loved ] [ what gets me going! | y control - yeah yeah yeahs ] yayayayaya return of the banter! it smells like football season outside, leaves are falling, and the start of the final year at jmu begins. if you haven't noticed yet from my previous posts i am taking a very interesting class about the Vietnam war, the first time the subject has recieved its own course ever at JMU. i really dont need the class and shouldnt be taking it but i feel very strongly about taking it b/c of my grandfathers service in Vietnam and the affects it had on my family as a whole. anyway its pretty intense and 'a real mind fuck' as my professor describes it. it's one day a week for like 5 hours and after its all over all i want to do is either one of two things 1-get piss wasted drunk 2-shoot myself in the face in order to stop replaying the images i've seen over and over again so that's the reaction i have on tuesday nights to this thing. some of the stories, images, and tales we read and talk about are seriously out of this world, literally. so, in order for me to feel normal and diffuse myself back into the real world the next day i tend to remain a lone on tuesdays b/c its so intense that i dont feel like anyone i talk to afterwards, unless they are in my class, understands what i just witnessed and discussed. its a pretty hard class so far, the topics have been wide-ranging and very difficult to write papers on. other than that, my classes are fine. but, the real point to this post i guess is just to get out there why i've been so political lately and just explain my anti-social nature during the week. oh, and i've been writing more lately, as you can tell. the creative juices have been flowing like crazy. by by Link Leave a comment

that moment before your eyes close [Sep. 18th, 2004|11:28 am] laying on this right hand side of my bed i remember the night you pounced and attacked me in the middle of sleep. your hands burrowed in my chest gripping for tread. i looked up to see your back perfectly horizontal, crossing the shadows on my wall from the blinds and your hips moved in motion with the air from the vent; pumping me back to life, back awake, leaving me to wonder why my sheets were wet and if i was 13 again; violently out of death left with only this memory, on this night, to replace you only on my lonliest. Link Leave a comment

17 [Sep. 17th, 2004|11:23 am] . . . of these tiny, small slits, red, pink, moist. desiring-- wanting for-- --me secretly. sultry, secretly. such strong bars, as on two gates to a soul forbidden. they want my attention, instead of your eyes never have lips echoed such profound feeling; never-- have they touched me on more than just mine Link Leave a comment

the land of infamous grins [Sep. 16th, 2004|10:36 am] describe a smile, mine mirroring yours in secret impossibly attempting recreation. it's too bright and blinding, i can barely see to say 'hello' everyday i feed off of it, my morning breakfast eggs and toast, with a cup of coffee, taking almost all day to settle until dinner when i dine on your lips instead. warm and inviting, it says to me sleep, sleep, stretch out and wrap myself in its blanket and harder than most pillows of pearl. and then i rest, dreaming of the mornings, dreaming in the land of infamous grins where you are ruler and I can only quiver. Link Leave a comment

999 bottles of beer on the wall [Sep. 7th, 2004|10:41 pm] recent events in the news have inspired me to write this entry. combined with what is going on in our own country politically and not to mention the class im taking right now about vietnam, i would like to draw a few comparisons and show some figures to what war we are waging now in Iraq and what war we waged in Vietnam, in honor of the insuing 1000th death of an American soldier in Iraq, which will come in the next week atleast.(just a side note, we hit 999 deaths today in Iraq) Casualties/Wounded >so far in Iraq we have lost 984 identified American soldiers, 16 un-id, and 6987 wounded through 19 months oversea's. >in Vietnam we lost almost 6400 soldiers in the same amount of time, facing three fold the amount of resistance that we see in Iraq. Remember there was an enemy there with organization, not splotchy here and there bombings. Presidential Staff i dont know about you but these two fella's look oddly similair. . . (left sec of defense rummsfeld under bush administration 2001 - present) (right sec of defense macnamara under kennedy/johnson administration 68 - 74) Power to the people As far as I can tell, nobody in America likes people dying right? Hmm, well, wouldnt that mean that every American, assumingly, doesn't want to be at war? I'll take that as a yes, i mean come on, who wants people to die unless your terrorist facist bastards or psycho killers? Us normal folk don't like seeing those figures above, albiet from any time or period of war, much less in our own time and our own friends and family. So we can safely assume that just like the Vietnam war and the administration in charge during it that the one in charge now, as their predacessors, are not listening to the people of their country who elected them to make their decisions based on WHAT THE PEOPLE WANTED! If i recall, back in the 70's, weren't a few college students killed in protest of a war that the people of America did not want to be involved in? Hmm i hope that sure doesn't happen again . . . well i know thats not much but it was just what is on my mind recently. Link Leave a comment

i like you most [Aug. 15th, 2004|10:30 pm] [ the rub | cynical ] [ what gets me going! | i like you most - slowreader ] nothing i say leaves this room so don't leave cause you might miss what i want to say for the first time much like most of last time when you were born and i was made out of two decades worth of whatever and a half tank of gasoline spilling in vain, bonding with concrete asking your name, over and over fatally dosing on nourishment means you had too much already inside if the standards go up then back down again i'll be the first one in line and you're bright eyes are giving me sunburns and the grandstands are filling with headlines you like me when i'm not being stubborn but i like you most all the time anchored by my need to know you outside of your window in plain view of pigeons and bums but you're so unpredictable when you've been drinking all night again mid-morning turns to late-evening in seconds you're a sweetheart, i'm a sinner it could never not work you're the best part of your sweet heart god i feel like a jerk my blanket and bones finally found a new home in the backdrop of lampshaded light in the counterfeit culture i'll live like a king for the rest of the night if it seems like you're slipping in value i can offer you some of the skyline you like me when i'm not waiting for you but i like you most all the time not mine, i thank Slowreader for the words, i just like this right now. that is all Link Leave a comment

CHECK yourself [Aug. 1st, 2004|04:57 pm] sunday, noon, august first, no car, hungry and bored. sounds like a perfect time for chicken nachos. yum. i rode tori's bike down to Food Lion to get some nacho chips and come to the only two lines open to discover atleast 6 people in each line waiting. i attempt to make the best choice, as we always do, of the swiftest and most timely line progression however i fail. typical is it not? so holding up my line of 12 items or less is a little old lady. yes i feel sorry for the elderly but COME ON MAN! they always seem to choose the worst time to do the things they need to do! but really, to be quite honest, all the time is the worst time for them to venture out into this cruel world that has passed them by so quickly. typewriters into computers, switchboard operators into cellular phones, and checks into debit/credit cards. here we go. so we all know that in this day in age writing a check is only used at the most desperate of times or when plastic just isn't taken. the only time i ever use a check is when i know my posted balance won't be quite what it should be for a few days, thus we put off payment in the form of a check til our money clears, simple logic. HOWEVER, our little old lady friends like to write checks because nobody has taught them how to use a plastic card -OR- they simply refuse to diffuse the technology into their lives causing us who do use it and are actually hungry bored and semi ready to get the hell out of food lion within a normal amount of time, frustration! ofcourse she writes a check! ofcourse she doesn't know the date! ofcourse the fucking cashier basically has to fill it out for her! SOMEBODY WATCH THIS WOMAN PLEASE! SHE DOES NOT BELONG OUT AND ABOUT BY HERSELF! It's sad but true, and when the day comes that i cannot fend or take care of myself to the point of causing inconvenience for others, i will wear depends and just mope around at home due to the frustration my venturing out may cause, but til that day comes, old people will never cease to cause me valuable time which they so utterly and apparently have tons of! so please, if you have an elderly relative who is like this, think about the rest of us and help them or tell them to think about other people when in grocery lines and driving across town. better late than never to learn consideration for your fellow man. Link Leave a comment

just when you think all is right in the world [Jul. 31st, 2004|06:00 pm] at the clearest, most vivid points in our life sometimes the shit decides it wants to hit the fan. as my summer of agony presses on to its pinnacle, i will re-count the shit i've dealt with: -tori left and went home after being away for the whole semester -my financial aid took forever to come through, leaving me in yet another monetary mess forcing me to borrow money from family which i hate doing. -found out i got a really really bad grade in my last semster of classes, REALLY bad. -started working on maintenance at Southview; pure and complete hell on earth. each day was worse than the other and i judge and label that the worst occupational period of my life so far. -father is still unemployed as of now, thats never a good thing. -my grandmother's health continues to decline. -my ex's grandmother died. -tori decides to go to atlantic city in order to take an internship forcing me to cancel my already booked flight to boston. -my car fails inspection. -my car needs a new transmission; takes a week and a half to fix it. -bad news scatters about to me from all sources -get in trouble for not closing the clubhouse on time, lecture and chewed out big time. -my neighbor gets dumped and stays with me for a few days, where by she proceeds to leave all her shit around my house after she's gone. so i know it sounds like im bitching but im fucking serious, i deserve to bitch. im sick of life fucking me in the ass. when do i get to not worry about something for a short extended period of time?? when do i get to be at peace, and calm and have things just go ok for just a small time?? the bad typically is looked at over the good and i've had some good stuff happen this summer, yes, but it was all stuff that should've happened anyway. i get a nice big paycheck sure thats good news but not if you work your ass off shoveling gravel for 8 hours in the heat outside making all of $56 for it! yea sure i went to atlantic city and saw tori but i had to listen to her roomate (fat ugly chick) get fucked by some guy all night long. NOT FUN! so god, if you're hearing this, can you stop the shit storm that continues to rain upon me for just a month or even two maybe? please? i dont think its so much to ask for a small grace period in order to adjust and cope with things. i mean, i don't really understand the purpose of my car not starting today and putting me in another helpless position, or having the only 4 guys that go to JMU that i DON"T LIKE move in above me? whats that about? so c'mon, lets have a break, what do you say? i think its time ryan had it good. you should know he deserves it. Link Leave a comment

what's he thinking stopping here? doesn't he know this is BAT country!? [Jul. 30th, 2004|10:04 pm] just got home from viewing one of my two highly anticipated summer movies, The Village. However, despite my superb knowledge of M. Night film's and appreciation for his mastery of suspense and Hitchcockian techniques, I must wait to pass judgement until a second viewing. There are many MANY small and subtle hints weaved within the plot and dialogue which give clues to a deeper meaning and I caught them but didn't pay enough attention to them seeing as I was highly involved in the actual tension of the film. So, with that said, it was definetly worth the watch and I am sure that it will be even better on the second. til then . . . Link Leave a comment

"Go Get 'em Tiger." [Jul. 3rd, 2004|12:53 pm] A long time ago when i first picked up comic books as a kid there was this feeling that i got everytime i got a new one or bought a pack of cards or whatever that i just have not been able to feel since. Today i rejuvenated that feeling when i saw Spiderman 2. I use to collect comics and comic cards and took great pride in my knowledge and skill of them, despite the fact that I am and was nowhere near some folks, i still know and appreciate my fair share. I was a huge X-Men and Spiderman fan. I have the entire set of 30th anniversary spiderman cards and know the story from front to back. I would spend days on end reorganizing and shuffling my cards; putting the pieces together of things from various sources in either the cards or comics, trying to make sense of Peter Parker's life and his past and everything that was Spiderman. As i got older i got into other things; baseball, music, skateboarding, girls etc. and i lost touch with collecting but still held a flame for my inked buddies. When i collected and read their stories i felt like one of them; like a friend and like they were my friends. It sounds corny but to anyone who has ever felt completely helpless and has let themselves become engulfed in something with no resignation you know how i feel/felt. And for those of you who are laughing and saying what a dork comic books are and how the movies are cool but to get hyped up over things like Star Wars, X-men/Spiderman, or Lord of the Rings then i truly feel sorry for you. It is something to allow yourself to become a part of a story and characters that make you want to be someone and provide you with inspiration, it is you people who mock and laugh that are in need of an awakening. But im not turning this into a battle but a tribute. For years i waited and hoped with anticipation that someday i would see them come to life in a movie; combining my old love of comics and my new love of movies and with the technology today it is finally happening. To see these guys, more so Spiderman, a character that i completely lost all senses with to appear as real as can be on a movie screen is something truly special. I'm a sucker for a story and Stan Lee, the genius that he is, truly created the ultimate hero and story with Peter Parker and the world of Spiderman. Now, with this story coming true on screen I can honestly say that it is a dream come true to watch these films. Most adaptations of things like this turn out a bust. They are screwed up and don't remain true to the comic and just end up botching it so that nobody in their right mind would even dream of seeing or watching it, however, in this case I can say that regardless of time and limitations, the Spiderman films are just as good, if not better than most films out of its category. Sure there are cheesy lines and obvious symbols. Yes the lines are over used and characters seem to be less bright than they should but thats the way comics were. On the surface things were light and easy to grasp, general enough for the casual reader to follow, but the underneath the stories laid deep confused feelings of greed, anger, jealousy, rage, revenge, and honor among many more. Sometimes things like that are lost in translation from page to screen in movies. They lose meaning while trying to appeal to the widest audience possible, losing the grip on what really is meant to be shown. Not fancy special effects or wowing fight sequences, but real human story and affection. Conflict and real life situations and choices. This is what Spiderman always meant to me. Spiderman 2 encompasses my entire childhood. Combined with the first one, the story that Sam Rami has told through the brilliant art of motion picture makes me literally cry with joy. After seeing this movie i am so proud to have known this story before it is what it is now. I understand things even better than i did back when i was a child, for obvious reasons of growing up, but even then i was touched. What is so great about the films is that is doesn't dilly dally in bullshit backstory of the first film. It makes you have to have seen it. Unlike other sequels or trilogy's which throw in obvious sub-lines to fill in the gaps for those new viewers, Spiderman remains true to the film by not giving outloud hints that combine a 2 1/2 hour movie into another 2 1/2 hour movie to show you what you might've missed and to help you catch up. You should already know and it expects you to which is something that should be done more often. A true fan of these films and comic lover knows that Spiderman 2, while broadly appealing, still combines the essence of the story with the conflict of Peter. We know all about Dr. Conners and Hobgoblin. Without the obvious foreshadowing in the end, we can see the third one already playing out because we know Peter Parker. It took 3 decades of comic books to tell the story that these producers are going to tell in 3 movies. Hell, 2/3's of it was told in this film a lone without the first one and it is literally amazing to see unfold. This is something that has been a long time comign to a lot of people and thank god someone is doing it right. The movies are made obviously by not movie makers, but comic book lovers and that is waht makes them so good. Nobody on earth knows stories better than people who read comics and books and watch movies. I know that sounds dumb but seriously, the fans and people who appreciate the things they read and see know better than the people who actually make them sometimes and this is ever apparent in Spiderman. I'm going to be honest and tell you that i cried. I went to the movie and cried twice. I cried when Peter revealed himself on the train and the entire car embraced him, shut up cheesy i know but c'mon i felt like a kid again. And i cried when what seemed to take so many books for me to finally see happened in two seconds and the end, Mary Jane found out who Spiderman was and Peter finally, FINALLY FINALLY decided to let MJ in. Words cannot describe the emotion that was rekindled. I felt like i was 10 again and that i was reading spiderman for the first time, despite the fact i knew the entire time what was going to happen. It's like falling in love again with something that you thought didn't love you anymore. Now that you see my gooshy 10 year old self coming out, i'm proud of it i don't care or else i wouldn't have written this. I pity you if you think im pathetic and a sissy for loving a stupid comic book but you know what? For all the things in someone's life that they either choose to like, do, feel, see, whatever; for all the choices we make in life and the things we decide to do or not do, i know that every choice and thing i do is with passion. To care about something, anything is the greatest thing anyone can do and all i can say to you is that i made a choice and i chose to be passionate and caring. What about you? Link 2 comments|Leave a comment

I'm Somebody's Bitch! [Jun. 30th, 2004|08:16 pm] Tonight I experienced events that are in dire need of my excellent writing abilities. This story beg's to be told especially since perhaps two of the weirdest things i have ever seen/experienced happened to me in the past 20 minutes. Here we go . . . After collecting myself to conduct a trip to the library for some 'light' reading for my days at work i ventured in search of ice cream at food lion. Yes, yes, i am aware that ice cream does not fit well into my new healthy self, however, a guy's gotta have something to snack on during a baseball game and it's far too late for pretzels and the like. As I parked and began to walk in with cream on my mind i heard the faint yet disturbing sounds of a sad but true sight. At first i passed it off as just a regular handicapped individual with the typical case of down syndrome or such (these disorders of which we typically refer to as 'retarded' are not within my knowledge so bear with me as i just call this person "special") I tried to casually ignore the "special" person, as we all do, in passing but for some odd reason i just had to allow my eyes a glance. When i look to my right, in amazement stood a fully functioning (sorta) "special" ASIAN KID! Yes! THAT'S RIGHT! A SPECIAL ASIAN KID! Immediately i forced myself to control and compose the laughter billowing up inside me. I hurried into the food lion while in the background i could hear his asian-special dialect. That truly was a sound i was neither ready for nor had ever heard in my entire life and probably will never hear again. Nicole, i couldn't help but thing of him as a baby. A retarded-asian-baby! hahaha one of the greatest things i have ever seen. Too bad i had to picture . . . THE STORY DOESN'T END THERE! As i approached the ice cream section i casually looked around at the typical kids using fakes to buy beer, debating which was the choice of the evening and the likes, still pondering the retarded asian i just saw outside. I grinned merrily down the frozen isle passed the pudding pops and down to the cream i so desperately longed for. Before i could make it however i heard "RYAN?" from down near the wine section at the other end of the isle. I passed it off but again "RYAN?!" Turning around i saw before me a tall red-headed pasty white kid in a white t-shirt and cargo shorts. From far away i could not tell who it was so i began walking towards him and he towards me. He was grinning ear to ear, and i thought "if he only knew about the asian outside." Closer and closer we got i still couldnt figure out who this kid was. Im sure the look of confusion on my face told him flat out i didnt know who he was so he continued to repeat my name. He sounded as if i was some long lost friend he hadn't seen in years. When we came to hand shaking distance we did and i still was at a loss. He kept on saying my name and then said "You don't remember me?" 'I don't remember you?!' i thought. shit kid this is freaking me the fuck out. He seemed so sure of his acquaintance of me but for the life of me i couldnt place a name or a time with this kid. For me this is an oddity. I have one of the best people-places-events memories you will ever come across. At times it is a curse, and others a blessing. I remember people i met only once in my life and things that happened in the most obscure of moments in my past. This helps in remembering actors and lines from films which is why im so good at it (toot toot). But for me hearing this kid so sure of knowing me i was for once just at a complete loss. "I'm really sorry dude but i have no idea who you are," in my best apologetic voice so not to offend him in case he was an old friend. "C'mon man! It's me! ______ ( i can't remember his name oops). I know you man! you're Ryan!" "sorry dude. im ryan but i dont know you" "C'mon i hung out at Stillman's last week. Your brother Corey was there!" Ok this was starting to get weird. My brother? A party? This kid looked to be 21! My brother just turned 14! I thought it must've been some party my mom went to since she recently moved to nags head and they both went as a welcoming type thing. Lyingly i said to the guy "OHhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaa" Out of my ass. I didnt know the kid but i was hoping to re-jogg my memory in the course of talking to him. "Yeeeaaaaaah thats right." He reached for my hand again and embraced me! I was shocked! I felt the love but who the fuck was this guy?!?>!?!? "Yea man. I was at this party and it was so weird. He's growing up so fast!" "Yea he is. What are you doing here in Harrisonburg" i said. "Oh im visiting Jenny Himmerman. Her brother and i came up til friday. You still know jennie right?" he said. 'FUCK IF I DO!' i thought."Sure sure i guess so" "What are you doing tonight?" he said. Not meaning to be rude but this guy was still drawing a blank, i pulled the 'i gotta get up early for work dig' knowing full well i just wanted to figure the fuck out who this guy was! "Yea i gotta get up early at 7 for work (which i do!) and im just gonna catch the sox/yanks game" "AWWWWWWWW thats too bad. Yea man your brother had a beer in his hand, i was dying!" FREEZE! WHAT!? BEER? 14 year old brother + a beer = something fishy "No way dude, thats impossible" "yea man, he's so old now, facial hair and all" STOP. Not me. Wrong dude. "Dude i dont know who you think i am but you got me confused withsomeone else. My brother's name is Corey but he just turned 14!" The dude looked confused, looked to his left, down and then he looked up at me and said "Fourteen?" "Yes fourteen" "Shit dude. I think you're the wrong dude" "Yea i think i am too. Sorry dude" In disbelief he and i just laughed at one another and he casually apologized and walked back to his troop of Jennie and her brother and suddenly our lifelong friendship vanished. For 4 mintues i felt like this guy was some cousin i never knew. Everything was perfect. My name, my bro, and apparently i looked, sounded, and acted just like his friend. Good enough even to fool as good a friend as he was supppose to be. So i chuckled now at these two things. a retarded asian and widely mistaken identity. Walking to the checkout he and his buddies were in line before me. He looks at me with a smile and says "Dude, you are a spitting image! I can't get over it! It's fucking amazing!" "yea sorry dude." i laughed "maybe one day. too bad we couldnt be friends" just for kicks i go " So where is this kid from anyway?" "Virginia Beach" NO SHIT. My jaw dropped. "Me too dude, sorta" "FC?" "No" "Kellam?" "No" i said. Still the kid refused to let me go as his friend. He obviously loved me so much that he just couldnt bear with parting from me. He and his friends left. We said our goodbyes and there he went. Out of my life forever. I guess it was just funny to think that someone so sure of himself was so wrong but yet so right on. He was close, damn close but i just wasn't the ryan he wanted me to be. So anyway, i found that pretty damn funny. I guess i have two twins out there now, smitty and this other guy who apparently really is a spitting image of me. Whoever you are Ryan who is from VB and has a brother named corey, i say this, tell corey to shave and stop drinking underage! I dont want my bro to be mistaken for yours EVER! Link Leave a comment

been a long time, shouldn't have left you [Jun. 26th, 2004|09:42 pm] [ the rub | blank ] [ what gets me going! | they make beer commercials like this - minus the bear ] bored in harrisonburg for the summer. im spending my summer with smitty, piyum, and a small cast of others trying to make my way in one place that isn't my home. in order to keep myself sane, i decided to start this again. i guess i stopped b/c i got caught up in the end of the school year work and tori coming home and stuff and just lost interest in writing for a unnamed audience. however, these past few months since i wrote have been good for me. victoria came home from her european wander-lust and stayed with me for a month. it was very nice having her back and i missed her tremendously. she also bought me a cool leather journal in florence so i kinda ditched this for that (sorry). anyway, i need to do something constructive with my free time here. i've read and have checked out multiple books i've been meaning to read and started watching movies that are long over due in my mental collection of viewing, but it may be high time for me to plan on a future in what i do best; writing. with that in mind, i might have to actually buckle down and start writing something meaningful instead of babble. babble. babble. babble. babble. b a b b l e. Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

he's bonafide. what are you? [Apr. 12th, 2004|09:25 pm] i bought a king james bible saturday. im half way through genesis. burnt out on school, obviously by the lack of posts you can tell. Link 3 comments|Leave a comment

and then we'll see what hoops we can create to distract you from books [Mar. 18th, 2004|10:30 am] [ the rub | crazy ] [ what gets me going! | hoops - mu330 ] !!!!!!!its madness time!!!!!!!! so i woke up this morning and began to prep for my typical thursday of four classes from 11 am to 4:45 pm easter standard time. turned on the television and began to eat breakfast when suddenly i was bombarded from the start with NCAA men's tournament coverage. officially end typical thursday schedule, begin hooky. struggling i continued to get ready with visions of upsets and seeds in my head. atlanta, east rutherford, phoenix, and st. louis all danced around in a lovely parade as i took a shower. i got dressed and brushed my teeth in the nick of time to get the hell out of dodge in order to escape for the bus. walking towards the stop with the other minions i was slowly going over my bracket when i had a moment. glanced at the bus; glanced at the bracket; bus; bracket; bus bus bus BRACKET!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! "FUCK IT," i screamed and ran back home like a giddy little girl. this is the opening round, sure all the really good games are tonight but c'mon i got one upset playing today and its the very first game!!! so in honor of this glorious day i am skipping a full days schedule and watching the tournament. i encourage you all to do the same if you didn't and now i'll give you a peek at my picks: Link Leave a comment

Elisha Cuthbert [Mar. 17th, 2004|10:27 pm] [ the rub | drunk ] [ what gets me going! | irish drinking song - buck o nine ] tell me she isn't like the most gorgeous thing ever? she just has that grace kelly charm and grace. man she's a beauty. the girl next door my ass, she's a fucking goddess. so anyway, hapy st paddy's day! watching chapelle can't talk now gotta go bitches. Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

ahhhhhhhhhh back to reality [Mar. 15th, 2004|08:40 pm] [ the rub | drained ] [ what gets me going! | i still love you - 702 ] oh and we're back. back from the beach of the south. back from miami. back from all the freedom, sun, expensive shit, and free shit you can imagine. IM BACK BITCHES! im not going to make this a whole long elaborate update because frankly i don't feel like it. im going to boil it down to some sweet highlights and then recap on some stuff later. and now for the Rules of Attraction European Vaction'esque update,go! Saturday: Woke up at 5 to leave at 5:30 for smitty. Started off jamming. the ride was short for the most part, it didnt feel or wasn't bad at all, especially considering smitty decided to drive THE ENTIRE WAY DOWN! what a freak! he did that shit cowboy style, all a lone. i stayed up with him the whole time too while the babies in the back had cat naps here and there. Arrived in Cocoa beach around 7ish and had some taco city, it was as jamming as i remember and then we drove down to Ron Jon's so the boys could visit, some of them for the first time. After that we went to aunt lindas where we watched unc get beat by duke (sad) and then hit the hay. Sunday: Woke up and went on a fabulous boat ride. Linda took us out to sebastian inlet and saw some dolphins and some cool birds. When we got back we discovered to our suprise that on the cloudy morning that by noon we were burnt as the other half of harvey dents face. oh boy sunburn on the first day yippie! After we put on some lotion we headed to the flea market where we saw milf's and i saw an old friend named Shelly McCrickard. hadn't seen her since i graduated and frankly it was good seeing her. they had big tigers and shit there too and i almost bought a giant japanese sword like the one's in logan's foyer. So we left and headed back where Linda had some steaks and baked potatos and a great home cooked meal for us. it was banging. we played drinking hold em and got wasted. sleepy and burnt time, sopranos was good too. Monday: Drove to Miami, arrived around 1ish. Checked in, got some food, got some liquor and beer and went and drank by the pool and hot tub 'til like 5ish. The winter music conference was going on and paris hilton was hosting some thing in south beach on ocean blvd. so we decided to go to that. on thew ay we took a cab but that was shady and deserves a whole other story, so we'll save it. ended up not getting in and walked down the strip til we found the liquor lounge, got drunk found a burger king ate then saw BOY GEORGE hanging out around this show. sweet, had some tea and took another shady cab home. sleep. Tuesday: woke up walked to U of Miami. saw some hot girls and nobody doing work. they had a pool in the middle of their commons, fuckin' a! bought a shirt, we all bought shirts and then took the metro home. went to the pool, read, and then went upstairs and showered. that night we went to bayside ate at a bubba gump shrimp where we had a cool ass waiter. i was gump trivia champ, won a sticker, smitty had some bad stuff got a virus threw up all over the place, yes there are pictures. i took him home, ed mark and angel stayed out. got back and put smitty to bed, went for a walk found this place about to have last call before MIDNIGHT in MIAMI! wtf? had a glass of cab, walked home, read a few chapters and went to sleep. Wednesday: woke up didn't feel so hot. we drove to ft.lauderdale and saw the orioles vs the marlins. angel's sister met us there with her friend laura and i got dontrelle willis' autograph, this guy had a pair of parrots there that were going all over the place and got annoying. we left, still not feeling hot and went to ronnie's (angel's sister)hotel. walked up and down the strip saw a booty contest and got them liquor. we ate, i didnt but they did and i felt really bad. talked to tori, YAY, and then we wnet back. got home passed out, woke up around 9ish and puked my guts out. apparently i got smitty's virus. oh boy, puked a lot that night it hurt tremendously, wanted to die. fun times. Thursday: Woke up, felt weak. i needed toast and oj. i wanted toast and oj. i almost didnt get toast and oj. the local dennys was closed for rennovation. we drove off towards monkey jungle and found another one. i ate, felt weird still, but we pushed on to the jungle. got to monkey jungle and it was the fucking best place in the whole world. monkeys ran around and ate raisins out of tin chained bowls and they were cute. we spent 3 hours there and it was sweet.i cannot express the sweetness of monkey jungle. got home still felt weird but better and we pooled and hot tubbed it. everyone was peeling their asses off accept me. yes. got ready and we went to bayside again and got on a gaming cruise. sat down at the roulette table and played for 3 and a half hours on $50 bucks. bet it all in the last 5 spins and came out with $113 total. smitty won $30 and angel won $50. im a winner baby and i can feel it. Friday: Drove home, stayed up all the way til like nc or something with smitty where he FINALLY passed the torch to angel and mark. i passed out and woke up at radord, we put oil in the car and drove home. got home and my bed was made. i am a smart boy. there is nothing like coming home from a trip to a made bed, NOTHING. Saturday: Woke up. fingers hurt, eyes hurt, knuckles hurt, elbows hurt, knees hurt, feet hurt, toes hurt, mouth hurt, back hurt, shoulders hurt, ass hurt, dick hurt, balls hurt, thighs hurt, i hurt all over. Sunday: Didn't do shit, had a baseball draft online. slept. Monday: Went to work, was bored, picked my tournament brackets and talked to tori again, YAY. came home worked out, bought some new shirts from GAP and then came back ate dinner and here we are. :) Link Leave a comment

and yes, we'll be near the in-and-out burger. get a few burgers, few beers, couple laughs. [Mar. 5th, 2004|01:14 pm] [ the rub | anxious ] [ what gets me going! | it never snows in florida - new found glory ] yes it is time. time for me to reveal all the secret details about our forthcoming spring break trip to MIAMI tomorrow morning at 5:30 a.m. well since ireland fell through for spring break and the semester because of lack of funds, i decided to join my mates Angel, Mark, Smitty, and Ed on their jaunt to Miami, Florida. We will be staying 5 days 4 nights at the luxurious FOUR **** star hotes Hyatt at the Coral Gables. this is our hotel we will be departing at 5:30 tomorrow morning, at smitty's request, and being the road trip to Melbourne Beach, Fl where my dear Aunt Linda resides. We will ofcourse be stopping at Taco City, home of the greatest tacos ever, and then possibly ron jon's as well. Spending two nights there until monday when we can officially move in to the great room that Angel's dad so generously purchased for us with his hotel points, we will naturally frolic and daydream and see the sights around the greater Melbourne area. our hotel room, kinda. we will be updating live from Miami on SMITHAPPENS.COM each day once in miami so be on the look out. you will recieve more tidbits then, so don't fret. try not to have too many moments without me this week, i know you'll do your best to survive. PEACE Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

QUICK QUICK [Mar. 4th, 2004|10:47 pm] ok quick update, i didnt want to leave you out in the cold on the day of all days, thursday, without a nice little diddy. nothing big, i skipped two classes and went to daves with the boys and all that jazz. the local kay-bee toys is going out of business and so everything's on sale. we decided high time we took advantage of it and we bought DUH DUH DUH LIGHTSABERS! oh yes, thats right kids, lightsabers. not the fake cheesy ones, the actual ones that light up and make noise, hell yea! so we had some good battles and shit. i wish they were real real. real lightsabers would be kick ass. i mean, you could do anything you wanted, especially if the force was real to, i mean come on. who would fuck with you? nobody but vader. so anyway, just chillin i'll give a better update tomorrow giving you, finally, all the details about spring break in MIAMI! yea baby, from nawlins to boston to new york to san diego/las vegas to MIAMI. HOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALALLALALALALLAALAL im drunk goodbye Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

Get Set for Sound! [Mar. 3rd, 2004|05:23 pm] [ the rub | excited ] [ what gets me going! | new tokyo is calling - the stereo ] today at 4 p.m. eastern standard time it officially became break time for ryan (minus the four classes i just have to attend tomorrow) so naturally i feel free as a bird. did my paper, got no tests, and im stacked sky high with fun books to read on my trip. time for the serious side. .. sleep vs. death ok so i wanna talk about the difference between sleep and death. most of the time when i sleep i can't remember falling asleep or what happens while im asleep in my dreams. i can't help but wonder, is this what happens when we die? if we do have a soul or a separate entity that lives on, why doesn't it come to life always and appear in my conciousness when i wake up from sleeping? to me it would just seem natural to assume that death is just sleep but permaneant. ok so say we don't have a aura or chi or whatever that carries on. then what? do we just sleep in the ground forever without life and fade into darkness without any conciousness of what has happened? is there a state of stillness that grabs us and holds us forever after our heart stops and our eyes close indefinetly? death is a weird and interesting topic. it has puzzled and been pursued as long as life has been lived. i really honestly am curious. personally i can't simply go on blind faith with this. i need some proof and my proof is the closest thing to death i know and thats sleep. sure they say we dream everytime we sleep but its just that we dont always remember what happens. so when i die, if dying is similiar to sleep, am i going to have dreams but only catch about 40% of them in random images and pictures? i'd LIKE to believe that when i die, my aura, soul, chi, whatever, is welcomed into some happy sphere of other's that is constantly doing pleasant and happy things. you can call it heaven i guess but i think the criteria for heaven is another delicate issue and i dont feel like talking about it. i guess all thats left is when that day comes, and we die, i die, you die, whatever, will it be a sleep-coma or another play-pin of souls that can dance and frolic freely without regard to a physical state? (disclaimer): i know these usually come at the beginning but i felt better to put it here. im not freaking out or anything we've just been reading a lot of Donne in english and he talks about this quite a bit, thats all. so dont get scared im not going to kill myself or anyting out of curiousity. be well john spartan. Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

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