I was walking through St James Park after work and as well as the normal Canadian geese, pelicans etc. I ran into internet kingpin Dave Green. He was just back from California, where he’d been visiting "the factory where NTK is produced", and also he’d just played Nathan Barley’s lampshade in Charlie Brooker’s new TV pilot thing. It’s always nice to bump into Dave Green (it seems to happen about every six months - he’s like a comet, or a pay review); he is very funny and has a ready smile, as has been remarked upon frequently.

However, he is also evil and wants all blogs wiped from the face of the internet! He could do it, too. One nod from Dave and hard drives run backwards. One snap of his fingers and monitors weep pixels. One cough and his trousers fall down. REVEALING ASCII BOXER SHORTS. Printed on thermal paper.

Our only defence, if we want to keep on wasting bandwith^* like this, is to bump into Dave Green and record our encounters on the internet, like I’ve done here. If enough bloggers do this, he can’t use his hacking powers to erase us or he’ll start to fade away! Like Michael J Fox in Back To The Future. Or maybe he’ll get Parkinson’s, like Michael J Fox in Spin City. Either way, he won’t be able to type!

So - up to six bloggers will read this. Get yourselves along to Dave Green’s favourite haunts, now! They are a) St James Park (near the bridge) and b) the internet (near the ice cream van). Quickly!


^* Since March 2002, when the British Library was forced by law to keep a hard copy of every blog in the country, all the rainforest in Wales has been chopped down.