I randomly entered a writing contest back in December.

and I got a shocking email today saying I actually WON. I nearly fell out of my chair.

I've written so many papers in the last 2 weeks that my brain is goo. Meanwhile, I had a paper due yesterday that I won't have finished until at least tomorrow. I've never handed anything in late before. I feel so disappointed in myself. As every day passes, I can feel bits of my final mark flying weightlessly away like dandelion fluff- and yet I sit, staring at the screen and unable to write anything of any merit. 

It usually takes me about 6 or 7 hours to write a paper, at most. Right now I've been writing this ridiculous paper on "The Frame of Photography in Autobiography of Red" for 16 hours and I'm only 3/4 done. I'm pretty much on a constant cycle of: 1) write a paragraph, 2) read the paragraph, 3) delete the paragraph, 4) repeat.

I can't do this. I honestly can't do this. And I've never once said that about anything school-related.

I've never just let myself fail before, and it feels wretched.

As if I got reproached for writing a negative review in my Creative Writing class. The thing is: the girl posted a week late, so of course I'm going to be cranky when I read her story because she's cutting into my paper-writing time. Silly bint. Also: she is mean about everyone else's stories in class. My criticism wasn't even that bad. I just commented that the only physical thing that was really emphasized about Luke (her character) were his frequently-mentioned large blue eyes, and that she might want to add some more concrete sensory detail. 

Okay, maybe what I really said was that he was described so generically that I pictured him as a blank bobble-headed mannequin whose eyes got bigger every time they were mentioned until they ate up his face.

Pfft. Some people.

Why do I always leave papers to the last minute? Why do I always think it will take me a mere fraction of the time that it actually does? I can pretty much sum up my hunger, exhaustion, and despair in one sentence:

Carrie: How are you feeling?

Me: I just ate a bag of chip-covered peanuts from 2002, how do you think I feel?

                          Setting: [Psychology Class] 
                   Professor introduces the topic of the Inclusive-Fitness Theory. (More likely to aid someone the more similar their genes are to yours; nieces, nephews, siblings, etc - in order to pass on a certain percentage of your DNA)

Boy Sitting Behind Me: "That doesn't make sense! As a lion, I wouldn't say, 'Go brother! Eat that antelope instead of me, because I'm gay and will never pass on my genetic information!"

*long pause*

Me: "If you were a lion."

*long pause*

Me: "If you were a gay lion." 

               [mere minutes later]

Boy Sitting Behind Me: "I have more of a sexual advantage if I play a guitar at a party than the guy sitting in the corner."

Me: "How hot is the guy in the corner?

Boy: "That is irrelevant!"

Me: "Y'know, it's really not"

Auntie Sheila: take two. :)