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[Mar. 30th, 2006|12:27 am] |
Okay, I was a little quick to judge.
I'm not always left with NOTHING.
Sometimes, years later, someone will smack me in the face with a really good piece of advice, like "If you cry, the terrorists win."
Now that is a statement I can appreciate. |
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[Mar. 24th, 2006|07:24 pm] |
Sorry I haven't responded to well wishes.
Things have gotten tougher than ever.
Zach revealed on Saturday that he was not ready for this relationship, and that I would have to move. We are still very friendly, and I am moving in the same building. Don't worry, we talked about EVERYTHING that might happen. We have always loved eachother, and have always been friends, so I'm going to sit out for a while, and see what happens. If it's meant to be, it will be. For now, I'm excited to finally have my own place, but leaving our home is very very hard, and Smith the cat is caught in a custody battle!! (Actually I'm taking him, but we're in the same building, and he'll have some nights/weekends with his dad). I REFUSE to get into another relationship for a long time. If anybody even sees me attempting it, please stop me. Really.
I've been staying with a manager from work who I've always really liked, and it's been fun. She has a VERY SMALL dog, Phoebe (a "teacup" Yorkshire terrier) who is full of love, and very sweet.
So, I've pulled myself out of this heartache (this past weekend, my Dad had to come up and stay Saturday night, then it ended up that Sunday I basically hit bottom - he had to come and take me home and I was off work Monday and Tuesday while my grandmother took meticulous care of me) Wednesday Zach and I talked and checked out the apartment (it's still being built) and I felt that things were going to be okay.
Then, today, my Dad called, my previously mentioned Grandmother who was taking such good care of me is in the hospital for the second time in two weeks. 88 years old with pneumonia last week and something that I can't pronounce this week. I don't know if she'll be okay. At 88, who can ever know? And it was just another thing.
Anyway, this entry is two-fold. Your thoughts and prayers, though not always responded to (this week has been horrifying) are so appreciated, and I can really use them now more than ever - your Rachael is trying to keep smiling but sometimes it can be so hard. Impossible even. Also, I will be getting a new power cord for my ibook soon, I ordered it yesterday - I hope apple is kind to me - getting it tomorrow would be great, then I can get online and talk to people. I've been living for Zach for so long, in my own happy shell, I forgot there is a whole world of love out there waiting for me. |
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[Mar. 17th, 2006|10:06 pm] |
Well, I just got back from driving myself, admitting myself to, and driving myself back from the emergency room.
If that's not a sign of independence I don't know what is.
Independence or something. Scary that the only person here who I'm comfortable asking a big favor from is Zach, and he's at bars most nights (so what if it's his job?)
If you're wondering why the emergency room, my gall bladder is being removed soon, and I'm experiencing trouble with that - top it off with a urinary tract infection, and who knew one girl could be so damn lucky? |
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| Sorry so melancholy... |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|09:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Clair de Lune - Claude Debussy | ] |
I was just reading some livejournal entries of mine, of other people, and I realized - who have I been trying to fool? I've tried to include myself in the lives of people who are in a different world than I am in. I've always gotten a high from being interested in the interests of others and immersing myself in brand new things - I've never really thought to myself - "I have no access to this person's world. This person's world is not my world."
I have an idea that I would put every effort into marrying a prince just to experience - and probably fail at - being a princess.
But, ironically, back at the beginning is where I was doing okay. Granted, it was probably not the right time, but watching tv, cooking at home and playing with my cat is where I truly belong.
Why do I beg to be taken out when I don't like drinking, I hate the smell of smoke and my stomach hurts when I try to eat anything that I don't cook myself? Probably only to drive Zach crazy.
Right now, however, we have to put a house-wide effort into cleaning. I'll wash the dishes and dust. He'll put his clothes away and vacuum, and Smythe will dry mop the bathroom floor (I'll just put a ball in there and he'll slide around.)
(Wow - I need some updated user pics - I don't look like any of these anymore!) |
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[Feb. 7th, 2006|07:28 am] |
Well, Smith bit through my power cord for my ibook, which means I have to use Zach's hp...which somehow made me realize I haven't checked out livejournal in possibly months. Strange.
Life's been pretty typical - filled with wanting to leave my job, realizing it wasn't so bad and staying. Smither has been scratching and biting me to shreds, but he gets neutered on the 3rd, so hopefully he will calm down.
I have to get ready for work now, but hopefully I'll remember to update more often. |
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[Nov. 19th, 2005|10:42 am] |
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If only I'd known JTT makes a guest appearance in Smallville, I would have started watching it long ago... |
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| A new addition... |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|04:32 pm] |
His name is Smith, and he's the most loving kitten ever...
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[Oct. 15th, 2005|04:08 pm] |
So, after some struggling and discussing, Zach and I have agreed that it is best for me to go forward with my plan to open a bookstore in downtown. I'm meeting with a small business counselor (the University has a free program and they set you up with a counselor to help with everything from the business plan to the financing to the accounting to the software, which is good because I have nothing but a passion).
And the goal is to open by late next year. Ideally it would be in conjunction with the start of the 06 school year, but I don't exactly foresee that happening. However, that is the goal.
We struggled because of money issues, etc. But I've visited, left and revisited this idea several times in the past year, and every time I try to forget it, it comes back to haunt me tenfold. Most recently, I was shopping in some great downtown stores, and out of nowhere started asking questions and letting them know that I was interested in opening my own shop. They were excited about it, and gave me contacts and advice - so I think now I'm ready to take the plunge. If I lose some money, it's not going to kill me, but I shouldn't. Everyone I've mentioned this to has been interested (even my optometrist today!) and, as always, I have a huge network of very supportive friends.
I have a feeling this is what you'll be hearing about for a while. Any ideas for interesting unique spins, let me know. |
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[Oct. 7th, 2005|08:53 am] |
Getting psyched for my first training type job at work. It's the first day a new class is on the phones and I'll be the person assigned to that class to answer their questions about stuff. Pretty fun. Though I have to stop trying so hard at work, because, as Jim from The Office says, "If this were my career, I'd throw myself in front of a train." And that is true.
The play is going so well. Dr. DeRitter actually came for the two student matinees, as an expert, the topic being gothic literature. He had a lot of fascinating things to say about the nature of this play and the society from which it is fashioned. Very enlightening.
Only three more performances left, and I've gotten my last check already. Somehow I'm thinking I should have started those equity points. But...bah. I don't want to be an actor. No. no. no.
Doing those whitening strips. Not too sure about the results. I guess my teeth are getting whiter. I can see how these are addictive though, because the whiter my teeth get, I want them to be white white, whiter than pearls, snow, aspirin, etc....
AH! 7 minutes til I leave for work. I am nervous. That is silly. |
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[Sep. 29th, 2005|07:32 am] |
yesterday was the high school student matinee.
Later at Giant...
Kid: This is going to sound awkward...
Me: Uh huh...
Kid: But have you ever been in a play...at the Northeast Theatre...
Me: Like...today?
Which is what he meant. And that only sounded awkward because he made it seem like he saw me in a play when he was 4. |
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[Sep. 25th, 2005|01:19 pm] |
I am sitting here...crying...because I literally cannot stand sports to be on my tv any longer. I am having a nervous breakdown because of sports.
I HATE SPORTS. |
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[Sep. 24th, 2005|09:43 am] |
This is the first chance I've gotten a spare moment in a while and I want to announce the great success of
I'm so thrilled about it - last night we had over a hundred in the audience, which is more than a record for TNT, it's a miracle.
More info here: The Northeast Theatre
A ton of people from Cigna came last night and they were thrilled - which made me THRILLED.
Sorry - I don't have much else to talk about, this has sucked up my life for the past month or so. I feel sorry that the University show is running at the same time, I wish I were able to see it.
That is all, hopefully now that we're in performance, I'll be more communicative. |
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[Sep. 8th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
Am getting a little angsty about director's directing style.
He can't hear. At all. So I very much doubt he ever knows what's going on, and he's trying to teach me all these bullshit acting styles, all of which are on different sides of the spectrum. Do a slow meticulously uniform concentrated walk, it's suzuki - act like a crow, you're a crow your flight is erratic. ... ... the show will be good, but I'm not sure I'll be sane when it comes to fruition...which may very well be his point.
hm. i think he is trying to make me hate the world. very effective character building. |
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[Sep. 7th, 2005|07:55 am] |
Zach and I have become obsessed with this show on Discovery HD called Sunrise Earth. It's basically just a one camera thing where they show peaceful situations, like "cows in the morning" or "sunrise island" and there's no voiceover, not anything but the sounds of nature and pictures of cows standing around or the wind blowing.
But you just can't turn it off. |
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[Sep. 4th, 2005|05:57 pm] |
So, here's the skinny on my weekend.
Zach and I got DirectTV w/ HD and HBO on Saturday, so we've been experimenting with that. I'm getting tivo on Tuesday, and as it turns out there's a little glitch because with satellite, you can't tivo something and watch something else. Now, we do have another tv, so that's technically okay. But also, we still have cable. Zach needs to route the cable down here again so he can get Comcast (something about the Phillies) so we'll have cable AND satellite and HD and tivo. We're great. :)
But, he went home this morning for labor day and I've stayed here to work on my show. I'm currently hand sewing a few things which is pretty tedious, but he'll bring my sewing machine tomorrow.
My Aunt in Wisconsin died today of lung cancer, and I'm very sad about it, but can't afford to go to Wisconsin nor can I even go because of the play - I will try my best to convey what I can in a card, but I'm upset that I can't be there for my family. I made the dire mistake of watching Wit after I found out - I had never seen it before - but I sobbed for about 3 hours.
Lastly, there is a 24 marathon on so I can catch all those episodes that I missed last season. Very good. And because of HBO, I'm able to watch Rome - which is great! |
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| My Husband... |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|05:18 pm] |
The handyman just referred to "my husband."
And I couldn't correct him, because he also happens to be "man in tuxedo that opens door at funeral/viewings" and he was doing that when he chatted at me, and mourners were on their way, and I didn't want to bring up my discretions at someone's viewing, I'm sure you see the sense in all that. So, now that I've not denied it, he'll think it's true. And if the handyman thinks I'm married, I'm as good as married.
Shit. |
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| conspiracy theory |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|07:23 am] |
I don't know how many of you know this, but there are 3 apartments over the funeral home - a young married couple has the other large apartment and there is a smaller apartment that has been left empty for a while now.
There was a truck moving stuff into the small apt when Zach and I came home from seeing The Great Raid last night (what a wonderful movie!) Being the neighborly person that I am, the following occurred with the new couple:
Me: Moving in?
Woman: He is. We're getting married. In May. Then I'm moving in.
Me: Hm.
Our married couple neighbors already hate us. I think mostly because I always put her clothes on top of the dryer. She does laundry all week and sometimes leaves clothes in the washer for days at a time. This pisses me off, because I do all my laundry in one night, very diligently switching so as not to bother anyone. And now that this new dope (you can tell he's stupid by manner and conversation) is moving in with his soon to be wife...I think we're being pushed out. But we will conquer. This apartment is ours, no matter what freaks abound. |
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[Aug. 26th, 2005|11:22 pm] |
Waiting for my second load of laundry to dry and bored.
I had a productive night - grocery shopped, baked a cake did the dishes, two loads of laundry and cleaned our tub - WHICH HAS FINALLY STOPPED DRIPPING!! Finally the plumber came after much correspondence from me - last we checked it was wasting a gallon of h20 every minute and a half...the handyman's rational for not immediately fixing this was "you don't pay for the water."
Very good. idiot.
But, it's fixed. And I got a lot done tonight. And I need to get a life. :P |
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| WTF??? |
[Aug. 26th, 2005|08:21 pm] |
As many of you know, I live by a Blockbuster and a Curry Donuts. What you might not know is that I also live by a church.
What I would never believe unless I just saw it with my own eyes is that the church is having some social event and projecting a movie onto my house.
...
Maybe I could have a fun Friday night with them...but I think I'll stick to my baking plans... |
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| A little vanity |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|09:37 pm] |
I somehow went clothes crazy at the mall tonight and spent a small fortune. But, now that I'm making a fairly nice chunk of change with tnt, I figure it's okay, and I already have 3 things that I'm returning. Anyway, I took a couple pics for Kate Brennan of the skirt she bought me paired with some of my new clothes and I dug my hair in this one....
( ...allow me to be a little vain... )
and wanted to share, cause not everyone's seen my new cut.
If you hate that jacket, let me know. I kind of love it, but really hate it at the same time. |
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