I have had it up to HERE with the likes of these people. Details below.

The past couple of weeks just been this torrential golden flow of total bullshit frustration overload. This morning was a good example. The scene:

Today is St. Paddy's day here, because we live in the future. However, you'd never know it because China is just as bass-ackward as ever. But I digress. This morning I gave a St. Paddy's Day quiz to my post-grads.

FACTS:
1. The St. Paddy's Day *class* wherein we discussed the holiday, talked about some idioms related to the holiday, and did an activity related to the idioms was on the FIRST day of class, during the FIRST week of the term, TWO WEEKS AGO.

2. At the beginning and end of EVERY SINGLE class we have had since then (three of them, twice during each class, see) I reminded everyone that they had a quiz on March 17th. I didn't just TELL them, I made them tell me: "Monday, March 17th, what do we have on that day?" The majority of class yelled: "A QUIZ!"

I am a total naive fool for thinking that this would have any effect whatsoever.

3. This class is a group of post-graduates, studying for advanced degrees in their fields (none of them are English majors). The vast majority are older than me, MUCH older than me. All of them are over 25 years old. "Old enough to know better!" I think. There's that naive fool AGAIN.

4. This is the same group of post-graduates I taught last term. I told them last term that I wouldn't tolerate cheating. I assumed they knew that that went for this term, also. See above comment about being naive; foolish.

I gave the quiz. I said put your notebooks away. Do not cheat. If you don't know the answer, DO NOT leave a blank space, simply GUESS the answer and maybe you will get partial credit. If you don't write an answer, well, certainly you won't get ANY credit for that! So why the fruck NOT write SOMETHING in that blank?

Sometimes I think I am speaking logic.

As I walk around the room checking to see if people understand what they're supposed to do (cause if they don't, they won't say a damned thing and I have to go there and hold their hands to get them to admit that they don't know what the word 'explain' means) I notice one, two, three and four people more or less blatantly cheating on their quizzes.

Various Methods:
1. Three students were merely copying directly from their notes. I took them away.
2. One student had the nerve to bring a *printout from the internet* which looked like it was taken directly from the Wikipedia entry on St. Paddy's Day, and she had it laying out on her desk and tried to flip it over when she heard me come up behind her. I took it away.

Towards the end of the quiz, I wrote a note on a piece of paper and quietly handed it to all the cheaters. It said: "When the quiz is over and we have our break, take your things and leave class. Come back tomorrow."

Reactions:

1. One student nodded curtly and began to quietly gather his things.
2. One (the girl who brought in the printout) hung her head and blushed.
3. One fidgeted and smiled. I asked him if he understood the note, he said yes. Of course.
4. One had no quantifiable reaction.

I took up the remaining quizzes (half of which, I am certain, were from people who were cheating but whom I didn't catch) and told everyone to go on break. The student who fidgeted and smiled at me called me over. By the way, Chinese people smile and laugh when they are nervous, embarrassed, or don't know what to do. This has caused many a foreign teacher to blow up at them with a long-overdue "QUIT LAUGHING AT ME OR I'LL STICK A CANDLE IN YOUR SKULL, PUMPKINHEAD."

Conversation with student:

"I don't understand. Why do you want me to leave?"

"Because you cheated. I told you not to cheat. You cheated. So you must leave my class." (when I am super-pissed, I become this computer that only speaks in short chunks of clearly-defined logical phrases of fact. Helpful when dealing with Chinese students. Also quite Inigo Montoya.)

"I didn't cheat." This is the student's first line of defense, trying to get me to argue over fine points of what does and does not constitute cheating. This does not compute, and I start to feel hot (when I get super-pissed, my face turns red.)

"You were using your notes. I said do not cheat. Using your notes is cheating. You have to go."
The student continues to explain that what he was doing was not cheating, in his book. I went into overload and said:

"I do NOT care about your excuses, or your 'reasons.' You were cheating, and you WILL leave my class. I am the teacher, I said do not cheat, you cheated, and that is the end of the story. I will NOT accept your explanations, I will NOT discuss this with you. You CANNOT change my mind."

By this time, the whole class is paying attention. The student finally limps out one more lame-ass excuse, in the form of Chinese Anti-Logic (I'd put some sort of proprietary symbol here, but no one in China recognizes those or cares.)

"But I do not think the answers to the quiz were actually in my notes." (Your honor, I robbed that bank, but my gun wasn't loaded.)

At this point, I lose it. Or I do what I consider to be "losing it" in a class setting. I flail my arms in the air and raise my voice, then I put my hands on either side of my head and holler loud enough for people in the other classroom to hear:

"ERROR! ERROR! Do you ACTUALLY think that is a LOGICAL excuse? Does that make SENSE to you? Is that supposed to CHANGE MY MIND? I am going to take a break. When I come back, YOU WILL BE GONE. WINDOWS ATTEMPTED TO INCREASE THE SIZE OF YOUR STUPIDITY FILE; ACTION CANNOT BE COMPLETED 0x00000000friggingmoron."

I may not have said all those computer things. But I may have. I dunno, I blacked out.

And then I left. When I came back, that student and two others were gone, but one blatant note-copying student was still there, waiting to "explain" to me his unique-snowflake situation and reasons for cheating.

"I said no cheating."
"I thought cheating was copying from your neighbor."
"I don't think you are telling the truth." I say to his grinning face, "I think you know exactly what cheating is. If you cheat in my class, then you must leave. See you tomorrow."

This student actually thanked me (not surprising; it's a reflex) and left without fanfare.

After all that, I told the rest of the class that we would talk about what just happened at the end of the class. Then we went through the rest of my material and did an activity, and at the end of class I let them HAVE IT. I told them that if I caught anyone cheating again, they would get the same treatment, INSTANTLY.

I really, really feel stupid spelling out what I consider to be "cheating" in front of a classroom full of people who are mostly married and have kids and grant proposals to write.

I would like to remind readers of this:

1. They had two weeks to prepare for a *quiz.* There were eight questions.
2. I told them 6 times (not including the very first two times) that they would have a quiz and when.
3. I have said at least once during every class that cheaters are turdheads, and that their heads are made out of turd.
4. I opined about people with turd for heads DIRECTLY BEFORE THE QUIZ OCCURRED.
5. Last term, I failed one third of this same class' final papers because they were copied from the internet.

Now, here are three alliterative worries I have:

1. Retaliation. I've heard more than one story (in person and online) about teachers getting "invited to a dinner with some students" and showing up only to take a serious beating from some student they failed and their friends. Chinese people attack in herds (see my long-long ago entry about the similarities between Chinese people and Zerglings) and mob justice is the norm.

2. Reprimand. One of the teachers here - we shall call him "Tim" - was recently called into the graduate department office and told that he "should" pass two students who never showed up in my class last term. These two students transferred to Tim's class this term because they thought they could get a fresh start with him and that it would be easier to get Tim drunk and sway him than it would to do the same to me. Tim, however, has principles. But getting called into your boss' office and sitting there while the boss "shoulds" all over you is powerful, especially when the majority of the conversation has to do with how "well-connected" these two students are. I don't want to get called into that office and get should all over me.

3. Resentment. Students don't like hard-nosed teachers. Especially foreign ones. We are expected to lie down and let the students do anything they like in class, and then jump right back up and juggle in a monkey suit while pulling passing grades out of our buttholes. The Aristocrats!

I am done with this entry.

For no reason, I image-googled my name (the Gibson one) today, and found a picture file of a Dr. Barrie Gibson's signature. It looks strikingly like mine. Weird.

http://www.dva.co.uk/

I am literally shaking with disgust and fear at a new discovery.

So, a while back I read a story online about how the Chinese were recycling old condoms and using them to make hair bands. At the time, I simply thought "Yep, that sounds like something the Chinese would do," and I dismissed it.

Then I came across this website: http://inventorspot.com/articles/china_takes_importance_recycling_8597#comment-10679 which shows pictures of the hairbands in question and the condoms inside them. I commented on this story, and THEN I looked closer at the pictures.

I thought to myself, I have some of those hairbands.

So I took some scissors and cut one of them open, just to check.

I wasn't really expecting to find what I found, which was a fucking condom.

Inside my hairband. There is a condom inside my hairband.

I took pictures from beginning to end, which you can see here: http://iragerobbins.multiply.com/photos/album/1/Condom_Hairband

What else can I say? I scrubbed my hands with bleach.

There is a CONDOM in my HAIRBAND.

T here are times when it sucks to be a native English speaker.

About half an hour ago, as I staggered into my apartment building weighed down with bags of groceries that I had to carry from the market through -15 degree weather, one of my many bosses was standing in the lobby talking with the receptionist.

He looked at me, and seemed befuddled. I have no idea why, perhaps he had never seen a Westerner carry their own groceries? Was he expecting, maybe, my personal sherpa to be standing behind me?

Shows what a fool he is. My personal sherpa would be standing in front of me, to open the door.

Anyway, he ushered me into his office (there was no arguing) where a woman awaited. Apparently she is giving an address tomorrow for some visiting dignitaries. Her speech is in English, and my boss wanted me to help her.

So I did. I set my numerous groceries on the floor, sat down in full coat, scarf, gloves and hat, and went over her speech with a red pen.

Then, they had me read it to her.

Then, she used her cell phone to record me reading it again.

Then, she read it while I listened to her and made corrections.

THEN, they had me read it yet AGAIN to make sure.

After all this, I was finally allowed to go upstairs, put my groceries away, and cook my (late) dinner.

One of the drawbacks to teaching in China is that the commodity you possess (fluency in English) is so sought-after that everyone uses every possible opportunity they have to pump you for the goods. All under the guise of subtlely coerced "favors." If this had happened during my office hours, I would have been more than happy to help. As it was, I was freezing, hungry, tired from a day of classes and sore from carrying groceries.

I feel used.

Halloween. It comes soon. I'm practicing my makeup.



Alternatitle: "Incredibly Pissed Off (Enough to Make Sweeping Generalizations)"

In other news, this week Adam and I went to English corner, but due to China, it was canceled (there was no available classroom in which to have it. No one was notified). Instead of English corner, we decided to go sing Kareoke.

I like Kareoke. I think it is cathartic. Pictures of our good times can be seen at Gretchen's album site: http://picasaweb.google.com/imamarchese/OctoberyPics . But there was one thing that happened that super-pissed me off.

I've done Kareoke a lot. When I first came to China, I used to sit in front of my TV for HOURS at a stretch watching KTV music videos, pausing, taking notes, and perusing my dictionary. This was my primary Chinese language learning technique. As an expected side-effect, I learned a whole bunch of Chinese songs by prompt. I say "by prompt" instead of "by heart" because I usually can't sing these songs unless I'm watching the lyrics scroll by on the TV screen.

We're sitting in the KTV room on a giant red wraparound sofa, Chinese people to the left of me! Chinese people to the right of me! And I sing I-don't-know-how-many Chinese songs. Every time I sing one, my eyes are glued to the lyrics on the TV screen. To any observer, it is clear that I am reading the words on the screen.

Now, the majority of Chinese KTV music videos come out of Hong Kong, where they use the Traditional characters. On the mainland, the Simplified characters are king. Many times, there is a dramatic difference in the composition and stroke count between the Traditional and Simplified characters, rendering (to me) a character I would be able to readily identify in Traditional Chinese, completely unrecognizable in Traditional form. Couple that with the fact that I don't study using KTV videos anymore, and you've got me singing the vast majority of the songs almost entirely correct, but still with a handful of words that I simply don't remember or recognize.

THIS, THIS I tell you, is what the students notice. Not the fact that I can sing in Chinese, no.

As we are walking home, one student is chatting me up. She says "Barrie, you have been in China for...many years. But you still cannot read Chinese words. Why?" Another student next to her nods emphatically. Obviously the same question was on her mind.

"Pissed off" doesn't really begin to cover what I felt. When faced with obvious proof AGAINST a gigantic stereotype (that foreigners cannot read Chinese because it is too "difficult," oh our great and culturally rich homeland! With such a language in it!) these people instead notice the tiny markers in my behavior that REINFORCE their pre-existing stereotypes.

I tried to point out to her just about everything I just wrote in this entry, but I dunno if she really understood. Even if she did, I am certain that she selectively deleted it from her memory, because it doesn't fit there. Next week at English corner, I expect her--or any other student--to comment to me that my Chinese is very good (when I show understanding of, say, a single digit number that I overhear her saying. That's amazing!), and then almost instantly turn around and tell me Chinese is the most difficult language in the world, and "can you read Chinese words? How many? Oh, so clever!"

I get this question frequently, how many Chinese words do you know. How incredibly ridiculous a question. It boggles the mind. But now I have a reply. Next time I hear this question, I will answer "Two. I know two words in Chinese." Then when they ask me which two (for indeed, they will laugh, but they will not know that I'm not serious) I will give them the two characters that compose the word "sarcasm."

I don't dare to dream that this will work.

I just had this kind of weird thought while reading an article on why you should constantly question your doctor.

I used to see commercials for medical journals that doctors could subscribe to in order to "keep abreast of new developments in medicine." The article I'm reading now mentions this guy who passed a kidney stone, and then asked his doctor how the stone could have been prevented in the first place. The doctor told him to cut back on the calcium. The guy researched this, and discovered that actually an INCREASE in calcium (not the pill form) has been found to prevent kidney stones, not a decrease. His doctor was not abreast of new developments. At least, at the time the question was asked, perhaps this doctor had not read his journal yet.

So my thought was, if the doctor told this to his patient, and shortly thereafter became suddenly abreast of this new information, it is very likely that the doctor would NOT have informed the patient that the information was wrong, or that there was another solution. There's a teaching parallel: when a student comes to me with some weird-ass grammar question (this happens a lot) or says "Barrie, what's a 'cenote'?", I say "I have no idea, but I will find out and tell you later." Then I go home/check a dictionary, surf around and research it and take notes. Then some time in the future I accost the student (who has sometimes forgotten they asked) and say "A cenote is a natural well or sinkhole sometimes used by the Mayans for sacrificial offerings. WHERE did you find this word?" Every time, the student is amazed that I actually followed up on the question and makes a note. Then my ratings go up.

My family had two different GPs from the time I was born to about when I turned 18 and wasn't covered under my mother's medicare anymore. Never, ever ever did either one of them notify us about new things they had discovered in the way of treating MS, obesity (which both of them claimed was the cause of every single one of my problems. Migraines? Fatass.) or informed us that the previous treatment they had suggested was outdated or incorrect. I'm envisioning some lackey from their office calling the house and saying "Dr. Su recently discovered that a large amount of MS patients benefit from bee-sting therapy, it's no longer a fringe group of new-agers who are implementing it. Sorry for the disinfo." I picture Dr. Su flipping through a medical journal in her vast house with the canary yellow Hummer outside (this is true, canary yellow Hummer, her office was in Cave Spring, GA, a "city" with a total of three hotels and a population of 975 people. This is from their website. One page.) taking notes on a legal pad, which pad she will pass to a secretary the next morning who will make phone calls to the relevant patients. Keeping people up to date.

I think this is a good idea. Perhaps this was only my experience with two doctors, but in neither situation did they EVER volunteer information. It all had to be dragged out of them, question by question (my mother had her own legal pad that she brought to appointments. Dr. Su expressed annoyance, which won her no points with me), and very often my mother was the more informed.

I think that what happens is, for example in the case of the kidney stone, the doctor does do their research. But they don't immediately pass the information on to the patient. Instead, it is stored away for use by the next patient who comes in with a kidney stone. I do think that I would have more faith in a doctor who let me know when there was a change in treatment or thinking, or when they'd been flat out wrong. I guess that is NOT the way it goes, though.

Anyone?

I've lost 47 pounds since March. This is more interesting than you may think, at least it is to me.

There is a lot of shit that skinny people take for granted. For example, bones. I never had them before, but I have them now. In the past, people have actually commented on this lack of pointiness in my fizeek:

"You're cuddly!"
"Barrie is fun to hug!"
"You have no bones!"

These are, I'm sure, considered cutesy compliments. But they usually made me feel like a mess of mashed potatoes in a ziploc bag. Or a teddy bear, at best. But I am quickly on my way to becoming very UNcuddly.

I has a wrist bump. I has a collarbone. I has a jawline. Ankle bones has appeared too, but I won't post a picture cause they're incredibly ugly.

You skinny people don't realize how bizarre it is to lie down in bed and have to reconsider your favorite sleeping position because you have this NEW HIP BONE that pokes out. Or the surreality of walking past a shop, noticing something you like and thinking "That isn't gonna fit me," and then trying it on (cause hope never dies) and discovering that it does, indeed, fit you. An entire glittering realm of actually shopping in normal-size clothing stores is slowly opening up. And it feels very, very weird.

Every week there is another *NEW* feature on my body. Try to wrap your head around suddenly discovering things like this:

1. Realizing you could do with coring a THIRD new hole on your belt. I have now discarded this belt because it is just too long to deal with anymore.
2. Looking down at something and discovering that my neck fat doesn't collide with my shirt collar anymore.
3. The tops of my socks don't dig into my ankles and make that bulge.
4. My ass hurts when I sit too long (more bones).
5. I can use the third row of hooks on my bra.
6. I can get comfortable in an airplane seat.
7. I can fasten most seatbelts.
8. There is a space between my thighs. Light comes through it!
9. My rings fall off.
10. Sitting down and not having a belly-table in your lap. It just goes straight down, and I can't stop fondling it....
11. Chokers don't look retarded because I now have a neck.
12. I can now cross my legs at the knee, all lady-like.
13. I have a discernable jawline where there used to be only a stovepipe connecting my head to my body.
14. I am now clearly shaped like a female, instead of a brick.
15. I can make that farting sound with my armpits because I have hollows in them now.
16. I can sit all collapsed in on myself, like a telescope.
17. I got over being able to look down and see my toes a long time ago; now I can see my entire flippin FOOT.

I don't know if I can accurately translate the bizarreness of this experience using Livejournal. All I can relate it to is, basically, having a very slow body transplant. I walk past reflective surfaces and have this moment of panic when I don't recognize myself.

Learning how to pilot this new flesh vessel is also proving weird. I don't take up as much room as before, but in my mind I'm still the same size. I have propelled myself out of chairs and off the sofa with more force than is necessary a few times, and I still galumph around like I weigh a ton. But I no longer shake the bookshelf. A mindshift is also taking place: I'm getting to the point where people would no longer tag me as the fattest person in the room, or even use the "fat" adjective. I am entering the realm where people of *average* weight exist. Chubby. Truly bizarre.

I now weigh 169 pounds (my starting weight in America when I did Atkins was 245-250, and then my starting weight in China when I began again was 215) and I literally can't remember ever being this thin. I'm sure at some point in my life I had to be at that mark, but it was probably when I was about 14 and too short for it to seem thin.

Yes, I used to weigh 250 pounds. Check out this picture from 2002 if you find that hard to believe:


That picture is probably one of the worst ones of me in existence, and if I had known it was being taken, I would have done something about it. Fat people have a reportoire of methods for making themselves look thinner, especially in pictures. Beyond the whole "wear black" suggestion, there's also a whole bunch of stuff you can do in pictures so as not to take up the entire frame. Here's a peek into my personal list of Do's and Don'ts for posing for pictures.

NOTE: I'm not saying these pictures are GOOD ones, they're just the ones that illustrate what I'm talking about. Clicking the pictures in this section will take you to an entire gallery of examples. I tried to put these behind a cut, but it doesn't work.

DO:

1. Put yourself behind someone else. Grab other people and pull them in front of you. Put your arm around someone and shove half of yourself behind them while you're at it. Hug someone from behind. This is basic: the less of your body the camera sees, the smaller you can look.

Hide Behind

2. If you don't have a neck, angle your face downward to create a shadow under your chin. The camera flash is not your friend, cause it removes depth-creating shadows. Get photographed from above, if at all possible.

Chin Down

DON'T

1. Be photographed while eating. Not even as a joke. Fat people are fat cause they eat a lot, right?



2. Wear flat hairstyles. Makes your face look bigger.



3. Be photographed while dancing. Obvious reasons.



4. Don't give your profile. It shows you have no jawline.



5. Don't hunch all up on yourself! It's true what they say about good posture....



6. Don't pose inside something circular! You'd be surprised how many pictures of me standing inside some kind of round object I have. It just makes you look squat.



7. Let anyone "try" to pick you up. All their straining is evident in the picture. And check out that thigh.



And all these examples go out the window when you lose weight. Here's me now, wearing my AWESOME THRIFT STORE LOW RIDER JEANS ($8):





Pretty damn cool.

As I am obsessed with Google and all that it doth offer, I have been going through my photos and videos on my computer (using Picasa, of course) and I came across some that I haven't shared with the entire Internet. What a crime!

This gallery contains mostly videos of my students giving final exam speeches (poorly, with me egging them on in Chinese), performing bad what-you-Americans-would-call "kung foo," a particularly raucous English Corner session and various and sundry mirthful examples of poor English. Mirth! Mirth mirth mirth, it is here and I have brought you to it.

I recommend clicking on this link mostly because there is a video of Christian from Norway in there explaining the intricate system of Beer Gods and their uncles, who also reside in Norway. And he calls me a cunt!

Teaching

Do it.

I finished one book today and began another one. Oddly enough, I ran across this sentence or a variation of it in both books. At the end of the first one, and the beginning of the second:

"There was a scent in the room, he recognized it as the scent.....of failure."

Or something like that. Both sentences claimed that there was a smell (maybe a stench, or an odor), and that the smell was "failure."

I didn't pay any attention to it until I saw it in the second book. I thought: This sentence went under my radar cause it is really trite (which is evident from it's cropping up in TWO books I am reading in the same day) and also, what DOES failure smell like?

I went out with the_reda and got some meat on a stick, came back home, and discovered the answer to my own question.

Cat pee.

Failure smells, for me, exactly like cat pee.

My female cat, Wilson, is in heat. Apparently this makes her pee on things, namely the bed in which I sleep. Not in the litter box, where the odor takes on a new dimension and doesn't bother me anymore. Over my holiday in America, she managed to pee on *every single sheet and blanket* in the bedroom, save for the ones that were closed up in the armoire. Now she has peed on those, too, cause they were on the bed this time.

I was disproportionately upset as I folded up the sheets and the blankets and stacked them on top of the other pissquilts in the corner of the bedroom, where they sat waiting to go to the dry cleaner. This smell is inextricably coupled in my psyche with the smell of people who can't get their shit together, who have too many fucking pets for their own good, who can't save any amount of money from month to month because they're foolish, who get their kids taken away because of the squalor in their houses. In other words, my parents.

Think about those people you see on the news who've had their entire house taken away from them and burned cause it was too filthy to salvage. Don't they always seem to mention that there were perhaps 50 some-odd cats in the house, too?

True, 50 some-odd pet finches would make just as big a mess as the cats, but bird shit doesn't smell like failure. Bird shit smells like Grandma's apartment, which represents "abandonment" in my Jungian-archetype Rolodex.

Failure smells like cat pee, no doubt about it. But I'm sure it has other connotations for different people/things. For instance, I bet cat pee doesn't smell like failure to Wilson!

I propose that Wilson the Cat can sense at least four things from every distinct whiff of pee. Since these sensations have no names in English, I will use cat shorthand. Wilson can smell pee and know one of the following things:


"?^" = Unknown male cat
"?v" = Unknown female cat
"!" = Foreign animal pee (including mine)
"++" = Tater's pee
"." = Her own pee.

Wilson smells not the failure inherent in her own urine. Matter of fact, she just jumped onto my lap and yelled at me, desiring carnal attention from a being which she considers to be a giant cat, like herself, just huge and bald. I imagine whatever she set out to do today, it was successful. If it wasn't, I am convinced it was quickly abandoned in favor of more easily reachable goals, such as peeing on my bed.

I just kissed her on her widdle nose. Success!

The Basics

*Name: Barrie, Queen of the Forest
*Birthday: December 4th, 1979
*Birthplace: Tucker, GA
*Where were you raised?: 1/2 in Cedartown, 1/2 in Rome
*Current Location: Changchun, China (I EXCAPED!!)

More about you

*Are you divorced?: From Cedartown, yes.
*Are you married again?: No....
*Date of marriage: Sometime in 2009
*Date you met: I think it was in the summer of two years ago. The date is not clear cause at the time, I had no idea.
*How did he propose?: Technically there has not been a proposal yet. There's more like a mutual, consistently reinforced assumption that we are getting married. It just makes so much damned sense.
*Did you cry?: Crying is for girls.
*Did he cry?: He only cries during touching commercials.

About him

*His name: Sonny (sunjianmin)
*His birthdate: November 3, 1985
*Where was he raised?: Wuerqihan, Inner Mongolia (you know, about an hour from Yakeshi)
*His occupation?: Studying Machine (volunteer)
The first time you saw him you thought?: That guy has a big 'ol FACE.
*Where was your first date?: Uhhh...you mean DATE date? I reckon that would be...um....I don't think we had a DATE until we'd been together for a year or so. When we first met, we went to a bar called San Marco.
*When was your first kiss?: Probably about two weeks after San Marco. I still had no idea.

Your life together

*Do you have children?: I second Lisa's furchildren comment.
*If yes, how many?: Two, Tater and Wilson.
*Was he there for the birth?: We were both there when we rescued Wilson from a cage on the street, and he adopted Tater from the camel enclosure at the zoo himself (really).
*How long did you wait before you had children?: We has no real babies, they are all mental imaginations thus far.
*If you have kids, will you have more?: If the govenernment allows it, I forsee two little Amasians.
*Most romantic thing he has ever done?: Jeeeesus, this is hard. He's always doing the romance things....I guess the MOST romantic thing is really pretty pedestrian. He has stayed in Inner Mongolia for the duration of my trip to America, and before he went there he bought me a return ticket to Changchun and fed-exed it to Adam's mom so I wouldn't have to buy one when I went to Beijing. Then when he got to Inner Mongolia, he choreographed this complicated, intricate system of friends, roommates and relatives to pick me up in various places and at odd times of day when I returned to China so that I would never have to get back home alone. AWWWWWWWWW.
*Memory of him that sticks out the most?: Oddly, us driving around in four different taxis to get back to my place, drunk as hell, and him barfing on the same curb twice after we directed the first and second taxis in a perfect circle.
*Is he still the only one you have eyes for?: Damn right.
*Is your life better because of him?: Yes. I've thought about this extensively, and I don't know how I got so lucky. Adam, when I was in your car and we were listening to Ben Fold's "The Luckiest" and I had to change it cause it made me cry, that's cause I was thinking about Sonny :)
*Does he encourage you in what you want to do?: Pretty much. Then again, I can be pretty convincing when I want to do something. Most of the time, disagreeing is not even an option. We're surprisingly very much on the same wavelength. I showed him Rocky Horror Picture Show cause the_reda, Wes and I and scads of other foreigners were raving about it, and I expected him to hate it. Afterwards, he exclaimed "I want to dress like him (Frankenfurter) for Halloween!" Yeah. Really.
*Best gift he ever gave you?: Oh! OH! BEST BOYFRIEND EVER! Last Xmas, he kept saying "I'm poor, so I only got you a thing of chocolates," and two days before Xmas, he brought me a jar full of this assortment of individually wrapped Dove chocolates and made me promise not to eat any of them unless he was there. Then on Xmas day, he handed me one chocolate and I unwrapped it and it had a silver necklace inside the candy wrapper. AWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

The family

*What do your parents think of him?: They think he's good looking. I dunno much more.
*What does he think of your parents?: I suspect he doesn't believe half the things I tell him about them....
*What do his parents think of you?: I hung the moon. Parents who are not my own generally like me, though.
*What do you think of his parents?: They are my parents, except Chinese and way better. His dad speaks rapid-fire, accented Chinese to me when he's sober and gesticulates meaninglessly, and speaks Russian to me when he's had a few cause I'm white and he works with Russians. His mom speaks very slowly and pantomimes everything quite effectively. They all yell a lot.
*Do either of you have siblings? Do you both get along with them?: He's an only child. I have two brothers. Don't really know the older one, and started getting along with the younger one around the time he turned 15. We made a truce.

Life in ten years

*Where you'll live: Dude! Ten years is a long time! Hopefully we will not be living in China.....Maybe Egypt. Or more likely Japan.
*What you'll be doing: Most likely still teaching.
*Will he still make your heart beat fast?: Damn right he will.
*Will you still know what he's thinking just by looking at him?: YES, and so will everyone else in the vicinity. His face is a blinking billboard displaying what he's thinking and feeling every millisecond.

A little more about you

*Is your life where you thought it would be at your age?: Abso-flipping-lutely not. There was totally no warning, no precedents, no preparation, no foreshadowing, nothing to predict this. If my life were a movie, people would walk out in the middle (which is this part) because of the sheer unrealism.
*Do you regret your past?: Very small parts of it, and not very much. I'm pretty much over stupid things I did.
*Are you happy?: Pretty sure this is what they call the "happiness."
*Okay, favorite song?: Ohhhh....come ON. At this moment it has to be Battleflag by Lo Fidelity Allstars, feat. Pigeonhed cause I recently rediscovered it. The new NIN song Vessel is a runner up, though.
*Favorite singer?: Uhhhh I have a lot.
*When you have extra time, you do what?: Read. Internet. Clean house. Sonny has turned me into a neatnik. Well, my version of a neatnik, which to him is still a mud-loving sow lolling about in her own feces, to hear him talk.
*Favorite vacation spot?: Japan! Especially Tokyo, with its million park/gardens and first-class internet cafes that feel like studio apartments.
*Who do talk to the most on the phone?: Sonny.
*On the computer?: It's a toss-up between the_reda and my little brother.

Friends

*Best friend?: Sonny and Adam, converged genetically to make a superfriend, "Saddam."
*Loudest friend?: Lisa wins this. Next to me, of course.
*Oldest friend?: Like age-wise or how long we have known each other? Eh, either way I think it's Adam.
*Friend most likely to end up in jail?: Wes. Easily.
*Sweetest friend?: Eve.
*Most giving friend?: Adam....FOR COOTIES.
*Most loyal friend?: I think Jen should get this, for sticking with me when I almost decapitated Jim and nearly fell through a glass table in the same night, and then ALSO breaking my face in a driveway.
Smartest friend?: Michael.
*Cutest friend?: Leighanne. Simply because she tells me she is cute on a regular basis.
*Funniest friend?: Gretchen makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts and people look at us like they wish they could BE us to experience this kind of laughter. Michael wins after one gin and juice.

Some other favorites

Person: Sonny. COME HOME!
*State: California.
*Time of day: Mid-morning, when the sun is bright and the day has hours to go, and I feel I could possibly, if I took the chance, be productive!
*Memory: Performing on so many stages in Atlanta.

Not so favorite

*Person: Anne Coulter. What a colossal dumbass. Edani talked about wanted to smash someone's face into a wall, well, here she is. She reminds me of every girl I went to middle school with, and a couple from college. Incidentally, I
had an epiphany recently. Although I am extremely biased, I now realize that Michael Moore is simply the Liberal male version of Anne Coulter. Think about it. I still like him, though.
*State: Florida. FLYING GIANT COCKROACHES THAT CAN FLY. Nuff said.
*Time of day: Dark time, when its time to close the curtains.
*Memory: Age 5 to about 18.

People

*Person you know will always make you laugh: Gretchen
*Smartest person you know: Didn't I already answer this? Michael.
*Most giving person you know: Is it time to repeat questions already?
*Person you respect the most?: Leighanne, for pouncing on everything that she wants (and getting it, as far as I can tell) And for always saying when she doesn't like something outright.
*Sweetest person? Eve......
*Most religious person?: Gotta be Lisa/Levi. Levisa.
*Most creative person?: ME! Ha ha! I win!
*Person you admire the most?: Adam, for having such an awesome family.
*Person you would love to smack the most: Adam, for being an indecisive weenie.

Your thoughts

*I don't understand... How assholes don't *know* that they're assholes. How my parents just can't get out of their money pit. How you solve a problem like Maria. The "White Pride" children's musical group called Prussian Blue.
*I'm thankful for... My Sonny and all my friends, also for getting to come to America this year.
*I'm happiest when... I get a lot of stuff done.

Two names you go by:
1. Barrie
2. Bee-Chicken (shut UP)

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. Orange plastic house slippers.
2. My leather I Heart Sonny bracelet (thank you Atlantic Station Black Arts Festival).

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Read
2. Internet

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. Sonny.
2. Something to do other than avoid cleaning my house.

Two favorite pets you have had/have
1. Tater
2. Wilson

Two people who will fill this out:
1. Me
2. LeighAnne!

Two things you ate today:
1. Chicken
2. Mu Xu Rou

Two people you last talked to:
1. the_reda
2. sunjianmin

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Going to dinner with the_reda and her German guests
2. To be announced......

Two longest car rides:
1. On the way back to my mom's house after visiting nursing homes >_<
2. Rome to New Orleans

Two favorite holidays:
1. Halloween!
2. Christmas

Two favorite beverages:
1. Coffee, in vast, stomach-churning amounts
2. Martinis, in vast, stomach-churning amounts.

I didn't really ask anyone if they minded if I put my Atlanta pictures on my Picasa web album, so go look at it and if you want me to remove that picture of you wrapping rubber tubing around your arm so you can pop a better vein, send me a blank email.

ATL

Names I prefer to use instead of Facebook and Myspace:

1. Fartbook
2. Facefart
3. Myspooge
4. Tardspace
5. Tardbook
6. Facetard
7. Mytard
8. Myfart
9. Stupidbook
10. Myface

I'm going to start putting a dollar in my bra every time someone here asks me if I'm on Facebook or Myspace. I expect to go up a cup size in a week.

MEMES WITHOUT PICTURES

1. I am Chandler.
2. I am also Longcat.


THE END

If you read any part of this survey, read number 19. Apologies to people whose usernames I have listed without linking. My proxy doesn't allow much legroom for stuff like that.

I HAVE DONE THIS SURVEY TO HELL AND BACK AND I HAD FUN.

1. What was the highlight of your week?
When I got my ticket refund money from my boss. Actually, I take that back. The highlight was when I managed to download Michael Moore's "Sicko" and convert it successfully so that it will play on my MP4 player and I can pass the time during my SEVEN HOUR layover in LAX. No! Wait, I think it was a string of actions Sonny has performed this week to help me on my way to America, including:

1. Getting my phone repaired
2. Carefully applying a new screen protector to said phone
3. Buying me a 1 gig storage card for my mp4 player
4. Converting my money
5. Buying me a new baggie for my MP4 player and *taking it to a TAILOR* to get it "stronged." He invented that word and I use it regularly now. It means sewing up the weak parts and adding Velcro.
6. Buying me a 1 gig USB.
7. Buying my BULLET TRAIN ticket to Beijing.
8. Taking me back to a different tailor so she can CORRECTLY tailor the poorly-tailored clothes she tailored for me like three weeks ago. Tailor.

I'm sure I'm missing a few things. I loves my boyfriend.

2. Who's car were you in last?
Indignant Taxi Driver #349479874.

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Today, when I meet Sonny downtown :)

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
Turd.

5. How long is your hair?
Two inches past sassy.

6. Last movie you watched?
Gray Matters, this horrible romcom about a triangle love affair between a woman, her brother, and her brother's wife. The sister loves the wife, the brother loves the wife, the wife loves the brother. Corny, preachy, godawful.

7. Last thing you ate?
Beef fajita meat prepared by Laurel's friend Chris, visiting from the states.

8. Last thing you drank?
Coffee in dangerous amounts. I'm working on something BEYOND a buzz.
******UPDATE: I have achieved "beyond buzz" and am now loopy.

9. Where did you sleep last night?
In my bed, with the AC on high and under a blanket. Sonny hates this habit. The point is to *breathe* the cool, you know?

10. What shoes did you wear today?
I'm still in my orange plastic house slippers.

11. Are you happy right now?
Yes. I have a damn good life. I've lost 40 pounds, I have enough money to do pretty much everything I want within reason, my job is ok, i have a great boyfriend, and I am going to America in three days where I will love up on my friends after not having seen them for two years. Not much motivation to do anything spectacular recently, but I am working on it. Frazzled from getting ready to fly to the states.

12. What did you say last?
"Tater is a good boy, yes he is! I will miss you, yes I will! *Pfaff, cough,* but I won't miss your fur, no no no!"

13. Where is your phone?
Sitting in my cardboard inbox to my right, dinging sometimes with messages saying I have A CRITICAL LACK of money on my SIM card, and also charging me to receive those messages. W. T. F.

14. What was the last museum you went to?
The House of the Last Emporer. It's all reconstructed and it blows except for the Koi pond.

15. What color are your eyes?
Blue. But according to my students and every other Chinese person, the color is called "light". Also, my hair is "yellow."

16. Where is the closest pink item from where you are sitting?
There is a little pink star on the chest of a tiny stuffed worm which is attached to my USB stick next to my computer, and EQUIDISTANT to that (from that?) is some Chinese money. The highest denomination of Chinese money is PINK. Also there is an American ten dollar bill in my locked drawer which is also PINK. Why.

17. Who came over last?
The Reda, to show me her new clothes and give me some SPICES.

18. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
I have blocked this out, if it ever happened. And I do not appreciate you bringing up the question.

19. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?

I AM ABOUT TO LIMIT BREAK |||||||||||.......

I hate normal everyday bodily functions which I MUST perform, such as sleeping, peeing, eating, and other things. Especially peeing. I am sick of having no choice in this matter! Every time I go to the bathroom, I sit there thinking "Didn't we JUST do this like a little while ago? This should already be FINISHED." Going to pee seriously cuts into my sitting-at-the-computer time. And sleeping! Man, if do you know how much time I could waste on bullshit if I didn't need to sleep for SEVEN HOURS out of every day?!?!


I've really thought about this a lot, like how humans need to evolve the fuck OUT of needing to go to the bathroom. Does anyone else realize how annoying this is? Think about how much time you spend interrupting your dinner at a restaurant looking around for/asking for directions to a restroom! Ever walked away from a concert to go sit in a stinking Port-A-Potty? There are solutions for THOUSANDS of daily inconveniences---go to lifehack.org!--EXCEPT for pooping and peeing! How come no one has learned how to control this? And catheters or colostomy bags are NOT solutions.

20. What are you listening to?
Birds.

21. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Another 1 gig storage card for my MP4 player.

22. What is your favorite scent?
You know when you're walking around somewhere and suddenly you smell something that triggers a strong memory from your past? Or you smell something that you KNOW is familiar and SHOULD trigger a strong memory, but no memory comes, and you just get a FEELING that there's a memory associated with this scent, but be damned if you can remember where you know that smell from? I like THAT smell. And cinnamon.

23. Who makes you happiest right now?
Sunjianmin! Super boyfriend extraordinaire, he is busting his figure-skater apple-ass to help me get things ready to go to America. And all this while studying for final exams, which he has one of every single morning of every day this week.

24. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Reading The Tommyknockers by Stephen King.

25. Are you left-handed?
I am a Democrat.

26. What's for dinner tonight?
Cigarettes.

27. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
Baijiu, Chinese liquor, which doubles as lighter fluid.

28. What is your favorite color?
Green, currently. This began happening about two years ago, and it is weird. Also, purple.

29. When Is Your Birthday?
December 4th. Other people born on that day: Jeff Bridges, Victor French, Jay-Z, Rainer Maria-Rilke, Marisa Tomei, Samuel Butler. I list these people because I want you to believe that we share traits because we share a birthday.

30. Who was the last person to send you a text message
Sonny. I said "Where should I go to buy a watch?"

31.When is that last time you were in a swimming pool?
Ohhhhhhh a few weeks ago.

32. Where was the last place you went shopping?
Wal-Mart, yesterday.

33. How do you feel about your hair right now?
Long as balls and shapeless. But I like buying doohickey clips for it.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
Not American expensive, but I have a ring my boyfriend's parents gave to me that set them back a bit.

35. AIM or MSN?
Pidgin!

36. Where does most of your family live?
Flippin' ROME Georgia. I was talking to someone and said I went to college in Rome, and then mentioned Athens in the same breath, and they said "Are ALL the cities in your state named after Italian and Greek famous locales?" I said no, but Rome has a statue of two kids sucking on a wolf's tits.

37. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
I has two brothers, older and younger. I am very well-trained in holding people down and spitting on them, if they are smaller than me.

38. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
If you call having more books than articles of clothing since childhood "spoiled," then yes. And I LOVE BEING SPOILED.

39. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
"Oh my god, I am so sleepy, I could NEVER pull off a poly-phasic sleep cycle like R. Buckminster Fuller." Really, this is what I thought.

40. Do you drink beer?
Not anymore.

41. First thing you did when you woke up this morning?
Went to the BATHROOM. (See #19).

42. Myspace or Facebook?
You people are so laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

43. Do you have T-Mobile?
We do not know these words here.

44. What is your favorite subject in school?
"Language Arts" closely followed by science because when I was homeschooled, we ordered preserved dead animals in bags from a curriculum company and got to dissect them at home. Bet you didn't know you could do that, did you?

45. What type of boy/girl do you usually fall for?
I have no idea. It took me by surprise. The Sonny kind.

46. Do you have a boy/girlfriend?
Yesh, and we are all those things that single (and sometimes, taken) people hate in other couples, such as "schmoodly."

47. Do you have any talents?
I am told I am humorous. I hear "You gotta write this stuff down!" often. This usually comes from people who don't write, and don't know the difference between telling a story and writing one.

48. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
I sure have! I was a bridesmaid in LA's wedding before I came to China. It was fun, I cried, LA was beautiful. I am told I was a flower girl in a wedding when I was tiny, but I only have very faint memories of fucking it up.

49. Do you have any children?
I cultivate cats.

50. Did you take a nap today?
I just got up.

51. Ever met someone famous?
I'm sure I have, but I tend to forget that kind of stuff.

52. Do you want to be famous one day?
One day?

53. Do you have any tattoos?
Two. LOTR ring inscription on my ankle, and Shakespeare's sonnet 129 on my back: http://www.william-shakespeare.info/william-shakespeare-sonnet-129.htm. I refuse to disclose the reasons for getting that one.

54.What was the last concert you went to?
Four-day Midi Rock Festival in Beijing, first week of May.

55. Ever been skinny dipping?
Yep.

56. Could you handle being in the military?
I could have. Seriously considered it for a long time. I have a well-hidden, tightly controlled submissive streak with latent neat-freakiness which is brought out when I have to let it out. Couldn't do it now, mysteriously fucked up my right knee and a bad ankle sprain from LAST YEAR that still hasn't healed properly.

57. What is your average cell phone bill?
About 200 RMB a month, which is about 26 dollars. This is quite a lot of money in China. I spend all of it on obsessive text messaging.

58. Do you believe in Karma?
Yes.

59. Have you been to another country?
China. Japan. Northern California. I have frequent layovers in Korea, but that doesn't count.

61. Ever been to Las Vegas?
Would like to go, but I think seeing all the people doling out so much money on gambling machines would make me sick. Went to Harra's in New Orleans for Adam's going away party, and we found a woman sitting at the slot machines PEELING hundred dollar bills off this big, thick, chunky STACK of hundreds, feeding them into the machine, and pressing a button. And then repeating this process with ANOTHER hundred dollar bill. I assumed she was American, and felt ashamed that I was also one.

62. What are you doing today?
Going downtown to buy a watch, cat food, travel shampoo IN QUANTITIES LESS THAN 3 OUNCES, fucking TSA regulations. Then I am turning in my term's marks and evaluations at the very last minute so that my bosses can't rope me into doing something else.

63. Have you ever been gambling?
See above remark about Harra's. Adam and I blew a whole five dollars on the slots. That was enough.

64. When is the last time you updated your blog?
About two hours ago, about the free Prevx one-year licenses. Still three available!

65. Have you been to New York City?
Vicariously through Adam.

66. Ever been to Disneyland/world?
NO. Does this make me less of a person?

67. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Butters AND Tweak!

68. Last thing you cooked?
Made some pork chops and asparagus last night.

69. How long was your last relationship?
This would be the longest one, and it will be TWO YEARS in November.

70. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Gave out the number to people who asked for it.

71. Last time you were sick?
I don't remember! To be honest and not psycho at all, being on this diet has always cut down on my sick time.

73. Do you think anyone will repost this?
Well. Risainternet didn't think so, and LOOK what happened.

---

Someone asked about my usericon. It is my old headshot and a shot from when Sonny and I had glamour shots done last year.

This entry is pretty much an advertisement for my security software, which is TEH COOL. Prevx. Go to the blog and check it out. Laurel gave me a one-year license ($24) for it in December, and it is all I use.

http://www.prevx.com/blog.asp?ID=18

I'm posting this because if I do, I get free user licenses. And also because I just wrote a LONG review of the software on GiveAway Of The Day. I will give some licenses away if peeps are interested.

BUT MOST OF THEM I WILL KEEP.

**********UPDATE

I got 5 free one-year licenses, and there are now only THREE remaining.

Yesterday was Wes' birthday. Paintball was perpetrated. I had no idea there was a paintball course in Changchun, but there is.

Cost: About 8 US dollars per person, 65 balls. In Chinese monies, this is pretty expensive.
Temperature: 91.4 degrees.
Temperature in Camos: 135 degrees (approximately).
Temperature in motorcycle helmet: 309 degrees (head only).
Name of Location: "Wild Outdoor Counter-Strike Play."
Cost of black eyeshadow war paint: 50 cents.
Cost of crawdads consumed at outdoor beer garden afterwards: Same as paintball.
Bruise count: Three.

I'd never played paintball before, but I learned pretty fast after the first bullet in the kidney and thumb. A paintball in the thumb HURTS. And just because I only got three bruises doesn't mean I was only HIT three times. I took a couple of head/chest wounds that were pretty fatal, although Doug somehow managed to pick up a front chest wound and a hit on his back that looked exactly like an exit wound for the chest shot. I am jealous of this.

I am good at staying in one place and picking people off. Moving equals near-instant death, though.

FOREST TEAM SNIPERS FOREVER.

See photos.

Apocalypse Changchun

I MADE SUM PICHERS. YOU CAN SEE THUM.

LoLBoyfriend

About a month ago, I found three disks of America's Next Top Model and bought them. Because:

1. Fake dvds are cheap.
2. It was cold, and I was bored cooped up in my house.
3. I have a weakness for reality shows.

After a while, I broke down and watched the show, and became enthralled. It's quite interesting. Couple weeks ago, I started watching season two and felt this weird twinge of strong recognition over one of the combatants, namely Eva Pigford. I kept thinking "Damn, what have I seen her in before? Wait, have I MET her? No, she's been in some B movie somewhere and I've seen her before." I gave up thinking about it when I couldn't place her face and name and just watched the show. She went on to win the second season and I assume is now modeling like crazy all over the world.

Flash-forward to today. I check my email and there is a letter in there from Lynn Lamousin, the writer and director of "The Lady from Sockholm," a sock-puppet detective story. Summary:

"Wool War II rages and times are tough for sock puppets. Terrence M. Cotton, a washed-up gumshoe, finds himself knee-high in debt and praying for a big case. Enter Heelda Brum, a finely spun piece of high-end hosiery who hires Cotton to find Darnell, her missing mate. Cotton takes the missing sock case but the heat gets turned on high when Darnell's unraveled remains are discovered." (www.sockholm.com)

Apparently the movie is doing very well at festivals, and was recently featured on some magazine cover or another, hence the email. I get these emails because I was a volunteer prop creator on the set of Sockholm.

I claim ALL RESPONSIBILITY for the success of Sockholm. The person who designs and sews the miniature bags of rice, makes the hot-glue silkworms for the miniature terrariums, and cuts the corkboard is, of course, indispensable to the success of a sock puppet movie.

I went to the website and thought, hey, I am gonna download the trailer for Sockholm and show it to Sonny and brag about having worked on it. As it downloaded, I decided to see if I could snag the trailer for "The Walk" too while I was at it.

"The Walk" is this overtly religious low-budget movie I was in when I lived in Atlanta. My contacts for the audition were students of one of the black colleges near my house on Ralph David Abernathy, and one of my scenes was filmed about a block from where I lived. I remember walking on the campus to the audition in the basement of the library and feeling like I was giving off a high-pitched SQUAEEEEEEEEE alarm noise: WHITEGIRLWHITEGIRLWHITEGIRLWHITEGIRL.

Other than being the only white person on the set except for some of the crew (and thus being spackled with black-woman skin tone makeup by the makeup artist, cause that's all they had), the movie was incredible amounts of fun to make. I got to go to the homicide division of the East Atlanta PD and interrogate the lead character, this "haughty" female actress who gave everyone problems and pissed off half the staff who promised never to work with her again. I played a cop. I got to handcuff her. A couple times, cause the first time, I dropped the keys and we had to do it again.

I googled "The Walk," Onyx/Ninevah productions, and came up with the website for the movie. Looked around for a trailer, sadly none was available. Looked at shots from the movie.

And then I realized where I'd seen Eva Pigford before.

I was in a fucking movie with the bitch! The lead character, the actress who was the most pain in the ass to work with, that was her. I KNEW she looked familiar.

Small freaking world.

Huh.

I got a couple of unexpected guffaws out of this story.

Cop apprehends drug dealer and confiscates pot. Cop goes home with pot, puts pot into brownies and eats them with his wife (all the brownies, he says). Cop calls 911 later, convinced he and his wife have overdosed. On pot. Cop loses job.

Click here for the story, and AUDIO of the 911 call. The audio is what gets you. It is on the right, just click the play button:

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007705100450

Now, after listening to this, I've begun to wonder.....Is it even possible to overdose on pot? I've had pot brownies before, and they were intense to say the least. But at no point during my 6 hour high did I assume that I had overdosed. Probably cause it just never crossed my mind that one COULD overdose on pot. Listen to the call. Do my survey.



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