i never thought i would be this homesick. auburn is supposed to be wonderful & in many ways it is. but i miss my mom. why am i so afraid of living my life?

tomorrow- turn in my project
wed- regular class
monday-final exam
then I move out!!!!!!!!!!

I am soooo ready to move on!

these next 5 weeks are going to be the death of me. I have SOOO much due for 2 of my classes that I don't know what to do. I am going to be up late at nights & no socialization on the weekends. sad day for me...

I will be very happy when this is all over with!

lately auburn hasn't felt like home like it used to. some of my friends have changed and don't seem the same anymore. i know i have changed a bit too, but not my personality. i just changed the way i live. i still have a ways to go, but i know it's for the better. me and my roomate used to be extremely close. lately it's like the only time i exist is when we go to church together on wednsday. and that's just because we live together and it's easy to carpool. we used to hang out all the time...now it's never. she hangs out with my other roomate who I believe doesn't like me. well what she said was she is uncomfortable around me. and i don't know why. i guess we just are very different and have different friend groups. we barely speak when we are at home together. friday when i got home from school Carley said that she is thinking about moving to atlanta. for school, work, and play. i mean if it is going to make her happy then i want her to be happy. but now i have to find another place to live. i can't stay here with AK since she doesn't really like me. i feel like every person(except amy) that i have lived with has just left me. i was so close to amber then she flipped out, then amanda never wanted to get to know me, and now this. i dont like the feeling of living with strangers. and i dont want to live alone. i think that i need to think about getting a single apartment though. which wont be so bad. i just don't want to feel alone. and when you live alone...that happens. auburn is just different this year. i am in NO way thinking of leaving...i just need to find a change that will make me happy. i left samford b/c auburn was the better choice. and it still is. i just need to find something or someone(s) to feel like home again. 

i dont like this.....

yea. so i'm back in auburn & i am glad! haven't really done anything since i've been back though. it's just been relaxing here at the house. i did go grocery shopping today--so that was something productive!! the rest of the day has just been reading & watching tv. i should go for a run, but it's too dark now. should have done it earlier! dang!

so i have been thinking about getting a tattoo since i was like 15, but have yet to get one. lately i have been thinking about it non-stop and i keep googling ideas. i posted pics up on myspace blog of some ideas that i really like. i also have the idea of writing the word "faith" in cursive somewhere. but it might take up too much room & i dont have that much to begin with.

this is an idea that will prolly never come true. i am too scared!! not really about the pain, but what the family would think & making sure i get the right one so that i dot regret it...

i still only have 6 hours this semester. i have to go to an advisor tomorrow & figure it out. i know i can get into my biology class so that gives me 4 more hours...i think. which gives me the minimum of 12 that i need. but i might drop golf. it's at 8am and im not sure i want to do it...so i need another class just in case. i am on the waiting list for an ethics class, but i doubt i will get into it....too many people need that class. i just can't think of another crap class to take. plus i hate dealing with the education advisors!! they are soooo f'in mean! ugh! but i ahve to do what i have to do...

erin's coming this weekend!!!! yay! we are trying to get becca to come too! friday needs to hurry up! there isn't much that goes on during the spring so i hope we can find something fun!

that's all i can think of to say right now...

p.s. cramps suck!!!

i have had this idea of what i want my perfect guy to be like. and i know that there is no perfect man out there. but there is a perfect guy out there for me. i watch all these dramatic shows and chick flicks filled with such love and passion. and that is what i want. i want a fairy tale. every girl deserves a fairy tale. fairy tales don't mean perfection, but they mean happiness for life. that's what i long for. that is what i deserve. now i haven't had a lot of guys flaunting all over me in my life. i've never been truely in love, but i know what i want. and in all thses years the idea of that perfect man hasn't changed. some of the guys i have liked have had some great qualities, but some things are just missing. i am person who is passionate about this little things...holding hands in the mall, kiss on the forhead, a smile that let's me know i mean the world to that guy, holding me tight while watching a movie with horrible acting--but it won't matter because we are together, a hug from behind, a sweet little note or text saying "have a good day," laughing at my corny jokes...and many more. i need a person who will try and make good out of any situation with me. a guy i can tell everything too, and i won't get judged for any of it. he's out there. and i can't wait to meet him. in some ways i think i am lucky that i haven't dated everyother guy i've met. because it's going to make me appriciate the one, and i am going to know it....not over time, but right away. i don't want to learn to love anyone. i want to love them. i want to take care of someone. when you fall in love that person needs to be there to catch you when you fall. that's what we all deserve. there are people out there that you can have such an awesome connection to, but sometimes that's not enough.

i'm so ready for christmas break! two more days of class then nasty finals! those are going to be killers! i have math-which won't be hard bc it's just the old tests. then biology is going to be a pain. there is just sooo much information to know. psyc is going to be bad as well. because from what i've found out this semester...i SUCK at psycology. world lit shouldn't be too bad. it's not cumulative so that's good! :)

i want to go home!!! i want a break!!!!

i want to be in love.....and be loved back.

i wish i could find the one who would say those things to me and mean it. i wish so badly sometimes.

ok...had to get that little bit of annoyance out of me. i am tired of studying. every week for the past 6 weeks i have had a test. i am tired of it. i dont want to study anymore!!!! well after tomorrow it will be over. i am pretty sure that i dont have anything for next week. which is great b/c it will be Halloween!!! the one night of the year where you can be anyone you want to be and no one can say anything about it. the one night where i dont have to be myself. i dont have to deal with reality. and i wont. Halloween will be a great night and i cant wait!!!

i'm going to make it happen! just wait & see...

i hate biology!!!!

so this weekend was pretty amazing. i enjoyed every minute of it! Erin came to visit & got to meet all my lovelies here in Auburn. We had a fantastic time at the TKE pledge party. I love those boys! The saturday was the game. War DAMN eagle!!! yea it was a good game. true that NMSU is not the best team, but I think our team is getting better and working more as a team. Brandon Cox, thanks for showing up to this game. We needed it! I think we are going to give Florida a good show. No we may not win, but we will put up a fight. Then last night after the game a lot of us came back to my house and smoked some hookah. As we are smoking....this random guy who apparently lives down the street shows up and hangs with us for a while. he was trippin on something!!! but he was soooo funny! it was some great entertainment! I didn't go to bed till about 5 this morning so I'm sure I will be going to sleep here soon. Then today we made funfetti cake for breakfast. yum! then some super nintendo! woo hooooo! Now Erin is gone and i am very sad. B/c i might not see her for a while & I have to actually do my homework. booo.

so the past 2 weeks have been crazy. i'm glad they are over. i don't think i could take much more. but in 5 days erin is coming & i am sooooo excited! i need to see her. & i need my biology test and my world lit paper to be over with. i am tired of tests and stuff being do. im fine with just homework.

school has been great. i have done nothing but socializing for the past 2 weeks. which i love because i missed all these people dearly. classes are going well. world lit is kind of hard...probably the one which will kick my butt this semester the most. then i have psycology....my teacher is really hott & uber nice so i am happy about that. math...easy but i have a foreign teacher who i can't understand. then last biology....my teacher explains stuff REALLY well which i love! 

i was glad when rush ended for sororities, but now it's time for my TKE boys to starts their formal rush. so i won't be seeing them any for the next few days. which i good. i need a little break. i just hope everything goes well & no one gets too stressed out....which these guys can do easily. pray for them.

yesterday i spent 3 hours in the ER. andrew had a skateboarding accident & fractured his elbow & wrist. i felt SOOOO bad for him. so me & carley took him to the hospital & he's in thie massive cast. poor thing. so pray for his pain & recovery.

tonight i am going to ahve a girls night & watch the hills! we might do mexican take-out. but im my trying to stay healthy & loose weight. i will prolly cook somehting of my own. with the whole diet & exercising thing. i am doing better. slowly trying not to eat so many carbs. i have been doing pilates too...since it's so damn hott outside. i hope that it starts to cool off more so i can go run. well run/walk b/c of  my knee. but i want to try & loose as much as i can my spring break. i think that will give me enough time to loose what i want. again pray for me on that.

ok well i have waisted wnough of your time. i am only writing this b/c i have a 2 hour break till my next class. so as i sit here in the computer lab of haley center i decided to bore you all with my rambling. anywas....facebook time!

p.s. any pray requests from anyone?!?!?

i seriously only write on this thing like every 3 weeks. not really sure why i still have it. i guess so i can look back at entries. i do that from time to time & look at the different chapters in my life. from boys to friends to family...and so on. but anyways i am at work right now wishing it was 6 so i could leave. but i have another 3 hours. bleh! then i get the joys of going to my dad's house & cleaning out all of my drawers so we can move my furniture next week. it shouldn't take long, but i still don't want to do it. then it's home to my mom's to pack some more. i need to have all this junk done by friday night & it's hard to make time for that...spending the last few days with family & friends...and work. but i can handle it. whatever gets me to auburn faster! i'm still not sure if i am going on sat to hang out with people for a few days or not...it all depends on if i can find a place to stay. if not i wont be in auburn till next wed. thats toooooo long!! ahhh!