An Unexamined Life

Once again, the traditional plea for critiques goes out! This piece rejoices in the title 'A Journal of Certain Events of Scientific Interest from the First Survey Voyage of the Southern Waters by HMS Ocelot As Observed by Professor Thaddeus Boswell, or, A Lullaby', thus blowing out of the water my previous record for title length (a mere seven words). And, like the title, it's a long one - 11,300 words, because when one of your narrators is a fantasy pseudo-Victorian natural scientist and the other is a piscine epic storyteller, things get just a little verbose.

If you've read 'The Mermaid's Cat', this is set in the same world. It's another attempt at finding the right story-vehicle for my unusual mermaids...

Sample paragraphs behind the cut; I've given you the start of Boswell's opening section. The story is told in alternate sections by Boswell and his "mermaid".

( Cut for sample paragraphs )

Leave a comment here if interested in beta-reading, or drop me an email at helen dot keeble at gmail dot com!

As some of you are aware, I went to Wiscon this year, where, through complicated circumstances, I came into possession of a whole heap of American candy (and other assorted junk food). Since I got back, I have been bravely assaulting this pile. Slowly, as otherwise I would die of instant diabetes, but steadily.

I promised my generous suppliers that I would blog my thoughts on this bounty. So, here's the first installment of Helen's Adventures In Snacking!

( May Contain Nuts )

Next up: Adventures with marshmallows, strange sweet foam things almost entirely unlike marshmallows, and Elvis-flavoured Reeces Peanut Butter Cups. No, really.

Feed it a chunk of text, and it generates a cloud of words. The algorithm is producing considerably more aesthetically pleasing results than the average tag-cloud generator:

( I fed it the new mermaid story, and... )

An interesting way of illustrating the major themes in a story! Once you've generated the cloud, the image belongs to you to do with as you please; would be pretty neat to get, say, a t-shirt printed with a cloud generated from one of your works, methinks.

Having been mulling over lizbee's hopes for the ultimate fate of the characters, and surliminal's comments about Moffat's views on the data ghosts... I've come up with an alternative ending that satisfies me more, without changing the underlying metaphysics.


( Not precisely fanfic (spoilers for Forest of the Dead) )

I sat down intending to deathmarch on the novel, and instead this came out.

( A Journal of Certain Events of Scientific Interest from the First Survey Voyage of the Southern Waters by HMS Ocelot, As Observed by Professor Bartholomew Thane, D.Phil, M.Sc - or, A Lullaby )

I... had no idea that there were pseudo-Victorians in the mermaid world, but evidently so. It seems that I'll be writing a short story this week, then...

(I missed the title credits, so I don't know what this episode was actually called)

It was tense. It was gripping. There was wonderful emotion and some really neat reveals.

( And something really bothers me about the ending )

[edited as my subconscious had substituted "HAL" for "CAL"]

You all need, need, I tell you, to hie off to Elise's sales post, and boggle at the shiny, shiny pretties.

My selected favourites:

I saw Neptune's Daughter at Wiscon, and it is stunning. I am madly in love.

All the Currents are One Current, All the Tides One Tide

Her Mermaid II (look at that wirewrapping!)

The Mermaid Dreams of Land (This one is giving me ideas for another story in my cannibal merpeople setting, actually...)

There Is A Way From Here To There

The Three-Sided Promise

Twighlight Has Two Doors (adore this one)

cave/temple

The Cave Painting Revival of 2093 (no, I just got back from a spending spree, I can't buy myself jewelry no matter how reasonably priced and beautiful it is *sob* But I think I want to write a story for this one, too)

Water Is Impermanent Magic (but this one is gorgeous too and we waaaants it, precious!)

Wednesday/Saturn (OH YE KAMI. LUST. SHEER LUST. Opals are my secret vice)

Of course, one could always just buy The Waters of Twilight Are Endless. All 26 feet of it....

More shinies coming in the next few days apparently - yay!

As I apologised to my long-suffering husband last night, "Some weeks you're writing the novel, and some weeks the novel is writing you."

So, after a couple of nights of staying up until o-ye-kami-is-that-the-time o'clock, Crappy First Novel (aka Folded Cities) weighs in at 53,000 words, and that's the end of the second act (out of four).

Looking back at the first half of the book, so far we have had:

One accidental stabbing
Three intentional stabbings
Two riots
One execution
Two cross-dressers
Three bouts of induced amnesia
One boat ride
One building transported between cities
One person thrown over the edge of a cliff
Two cases of arson
One dragon-dance
One case of cold-blooded blasphemy
Five mutated monstrosities
Six giant puppets
Two destroyed cities
Too much sarcasm to count

And now everything is in place for the fun to really start.

I will now attempt to break my write-every-day habit for a couple of days to reacquaint myself with my lovely man (and also catch up on the long-delayed Wiscon posts!), and then start up again on Sunday. Next is the fake-out opening of Act 3, followed by the Sudden Yet Inevitable Betrayal and the real beginning of Act 3...

Crappy First Novel (aka Folded Cities) just passed 50k words, making it officially the longest thing I've ever written. Woo!

(to be precise, it's now at 50,352 words, because I was in the middle of a Dramatic Fight Scene and didn't look up to notice the wordcount until after the scene climax. Which involved someone dropping a building on someone else, which is always fun to write)

I have a nasty suspicion that this 50k will end up being something more like 30k by the time the first draft has gone through the Edit of Doom (which may or may not involve the entire removal of one of my favourite characters and his entire subplot), but still: Woo!

To celebrate this achievement, I shall now go and taste Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Malt Balls, a confectionery whose name simultaneously appalls and intrigues me...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!

( Spoilers! )

Why isn't it next Saturday yet?

Report on Sunday at Wiscon forthcoming, when I have managed to scrape my brain back together. In the meantime, behold the enormous pile of loot with which I returned!

( The Great British Snack Swap loot! )

All of this was given to me by various LJers, in return for British delicacies such as Marmite and digestive biscuits. Let me just say, I did not give away nearly as great a volume of snacks as I received. I was staggered by the friendliness and generosity of everyone.

So, you wanna know what's in the pile?

2 bags of Doritos, Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Cups, Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Maltballs, a bag of Sea Monsters (my god, these are the best things ever. Also, if you eat more than half of one, you will die), 2 bags of Ice Cream Cone marshmallows, a jug of maple syrup, a bottle of Canadian wine, 1 tub of maple butter (my life, it is complete), maple syrup fudge, maple sugar, Goldfish crackers, six Nut Goodies, Circus Peanuts (I... have no idea, but I'm sure they will be delicious!), 2 Hello Kitty marshmallows (they are HELLO KITTY. ON STICKS. The awesomeness, it overwhelms!), Hershey's Milk Chocolate Filled With Creamy Peanut Butter (King Size!), Reese's Whipps (with 40% less fat, as the packet informs me. I don't think that's going to help, in this case), Twix Peanut Butter (which have already horrified my husband, who is of the opinion that there are places peanut butter should not go), 2 packets of peanut butter M&Ms, Take 5 bar, Reece's Sticks (is there any shape that Reeces will not fill with peanut butter?), Reece's Crispy Crunchy Bar, 2 Pay Day bars, 1 bag of Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Pretzels (which I intended to bring home to freak my British friends, but which, er, didn't last the flight. Yum), Reece's Fast Break bar, and, last but certainly not least - wait for it - THIRTEEN PACKETS OF REECE'S PIECES.

The Reece's-shaped pillow at the back was given to me by hazelchaz on the last day of the con, as a trophy commemorating the runaway success of the Snack Swap. I am leaning on it even as I type now!

( Book loot! )

Not pictured - the talismanic silk jacket that Ellen Kushner gave me at the clothing swap, the awesome Chinese brocade top that someone else gave me at the clothing swap, and the very cute handmade glass fish pendant from Dragon's Den, which called out to me throughout the weekend and finally persuaded me to part with my last chunk of cash.


My luggage was indeed 4kg overweight, but I managed to get away with it by cramming the excess into my hand luggage and pretending that it was really, really light and thus the airplane staff couldn't possibly need to weigh it. I thank my gym and its weights machines for ensuring that I can nonchalantly lift 15kg at arm's-length with one hand...

I am back at home, lying on the couch and desperately trying not to go to sleep, given that it's only 2pm. Couldn't sleep much on the flight back - the seats were tiny even by airplane standards - so I'm resigned to another phase shift the hard way.

I'll have the rest of my photos and Wiscon reports up soon (including the photo of the ENORMOUS STASH OF CHOCOLATE that you guys gave me. My god, it'll last me 'til next Wiscon!). In the meantime, yhlee has some more photos, including some of me in my famous pink top, looking incredibly serious as I play Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! at the Capes and Consoles party.

By the way, the famous pink Punk Top of Capitalist Consumerism is this top (though they don't seem to have it in pink this season), so you too can own a garment that is mainly holes! Be warned, however, that the top comes in one size only (Punkyfish is actually *cough* a store aimed at young teenagers). I'm a UK 12, and I only barely fit into it.

Now to go find some lunch. Or breakfast. Or whatever the current meal is supposed to be. I will not stop neurotically washing my hands for another week, I think, as there are still reports coming in of people coming down with the Great Wiscon Plague after getting home...

It's now Monday, and I no longer have a yhlee. I am sad.

The con is winding down now, with most people already gone; I'm hanging out in the hotel room keeping daidoji_gisei (who is still unwell) company, and waiting for the Dead Dog party to start. So, it seems like the perfect time to catch up with some reporting!

( Wiscon Day 2 (Saturday) - lots of pictures )

These posts have become retrospective, obviously. I apologise for falling behind but, y'know, there's a con going on here. *grin*

Before proceeding with the Saturday report, I should note that there's a very nasty stomach bug going around here (could be noravirus, or food poisoning), which is devastating the con. I'm okay so far, but daidoji_gisei has come down with it and is currently crashed out miserably in the hotel room. Send good thoughts!

( Retrospective Friday report )

Finally, the evening was spent sampling the many splendid parties, of which incriminating photos have already been posted.

Beware: I am blogging while under the influence of five parties. I will therefore postpone blogging the morning (Writers Workshop) and afternoon (Gathering and Opening Ceremonies), in favour of showing many random photos from the evening parties.

( Wiscon! Wiscon! Wiscon! )

( More Wiscon photos! )

Must dash - writers workshop time!

I has a daidoji_gisei!

( Behold photographic evidence! )

Fooding: Um, missed breakfast - but this just provided more space for lunch at a Nepali restaurant! Salad, chargrilled marinated tofu with green peppers and onions, spinach pilaf, grilled veggies, and wheat flatbread. Mid-afternoon, had a "Heaps of Love" ice cream cone - basically vanilla with everything chunky that can possibly be put into ice cream (cookie pieces, pecans, chocolate chips, fudge pieces, etc. etc. etc.) We have agreed that we need to return to this particular ice cream parlour - I have my eye on the Green Tea with Raspberry Ripple ice cream next...

Off to stuff registration packets soon!

... at least theoretically, and not until 1 o'clock in the morning. But she is on a bus for Madison even as I type!

I'm sitting here critiquing manuscripts and eating Cheetos for dinner. It's Day -1 of Wiscon, and already I seem to be in full con mode. Help.

(The person in the next room appears to be tuning an acoustic guitar. It is very pleasant at the moment, but ye kami, I hope they aren't still doing it at midnight.)

daidoji_gisei has reached Illinois, but still doesn't know whether she'll be here tonight or tomorrow. More updates as events warrant.

surliminal, I know that you're definitely coming now, because I have stickered your namebadge. *grin*

I walked around Madison for a bit more this afternoon, then came back to the hotel for a swim and a shower. The pool is... bijou, but the hot tub is very nice indeed.

Have spent a couple of hours putting stickers on things and wrestling with the medusan box of old nametags, which appeared to have spent the past twelve months in an orgy of cord-knotting. All neatly sorted now, though! Lots of people turned up to help with the con prep, so it all went pretty quickly (under three hours). Tomorrow, packet-stuffing!

Since the con prep room was well-supplied with a table of goodies, I have swiped two extra mugs, a fistful of individual milk servings, and an assorted handful of teabags. So our room will now be able to supply a variety of hot drinks to all its inhabitants! Now all I have to do is work out how to brew tea in the coffee-maker.

I think I'll spend a quiet evening, finishing off critiquing the manuscripts for the Writers Workshop on Friday morning. I turned down an offer to go see Indiana Jones at midnight, as it didn't seem like the most sensible thing to do to my sleep schedule. Might go out fooding later, but at the moment I'm stuffed with consuite nibbles (not to mention the enormous Ben & Jerry's ice cream cone I had mid-afternoon. Yum).

Time to put my feet up and see if American tv news really is as awful as it's rumoured to be!