somniloquence

Oh, flist, what would I do without you? Thank you for talking me down from the musical ledge. (keiko_kirin and elynross made some seriously excellent points that really got me thinking.) See, I come from Olden Tymes, when we didn't use songs other people used if we could help it at all. Not that that was as hard as it sounds -- there were like 100 of us, anyway, so we were much less likely to, and there were narrower parameters of what people considered vid songs, so if you stepped off the path, you usually wouldn't run into someone who'd do the same song.

But that's really only a small part of it -- the New Vidding Ethics have pretty much worn away a lot of my reservations about such things. But there are still other issues for me -- originality has a lot to do with it, and my feelings that because I'm an old-fashioned vidder, choosing music is really crucial for me since my vids aren't really... as valued, I think, as the more dazzling and techy vidders. So I feel like I have to stay away from something overvidded by a certain contingent lest I get lumped in with them by virtue of non-original song choices.

It's very fraught for me (I know, what vidder isn't fraught about something?) in a way that I can't articulate. I don't always really know why I keep doing this because I don't feel like I fit in with what's going on now. I feel that way about fic in a way too -- I can't seem to get started on this Jack/Ianto story because I feel like in the past couple years of not writing, fanfic has gone in different directions (especially cracky stuff) and I don't know if my traditional and purple style would really fit these days. I honestly don't know how to express it any better than that, but it's more complicated than I'm able to convey -- it's not a "tell me you love me" kind of thing where I need everyone to give me props. I really don't. It's just a feeling like I'm not ... I don't know. I'm not something, but I just don't know what it is.

I'd like to think that Vividcon will make me feel jazzed about it as it often did in the past, but I don't know. I have deep ambivalence about the con right now. Last year was a really bad experience for me almost all the way around (except the wonderful reception for I Remember, which really made me happy). It started out bad when I got a nasty cold right before the con and I knew I was bringing this year's con crud with me, but then I got bronchitis and subsequently laryngitis while I was there. People were fed up with my coughing and my inability to talk and I can't really blame them. I couldn't sleep either from the coughing, and I spent all my money on cough syrup and drops, but it didn't help. I made my roomie miserable, and I was miserable, and people were pissed off at me for coughing through the shows, just like I'd probably be if they were sitting near me and doing that. But after a while, it got to me, and by Sunday afternoon I actually burst into tears when someone gave me the cold shoulder when I asked if they wanted to get dinner.

Fortunately therienne took pity on me and invited me with her, and I got to spend some time with some cool people that I wouldn't have otherwise, but... it was hard on me. A couple people didn't even want to say goodbye to me, I think they were just so tired of my hacking and croaking. It left me with a weird feeling, and I'd read people's happy con reports and all the room parties and the people I never got to see and I honestly don't know if this year will be any better.

I have a hard time asking people if I can hang out with them. People always say to just come talk to them. But I can't do that well. It causes me an almost physical pain. My natural assumption is that no one wants to be around me, and last year was like having the fear coming true, and I think it's going to be tougher in some ways than it normally is to try again. I know how stupid it sounds, too, to be saying this. Really -- I sound like an idiot and a whiner and I know it. Last year was just that hard for me, though. And for various reasons, VVC has intense associations for me with my sister's illness, and that always adds to a feeling I have to work hard to shake off initially.

But. I have silver disco sandals and plane tickets and a killabeez to travel with on the way over, so maybe that's a good sign, who knows.

Oh, vidding how I hate and love you. You torture me with your ideas and your songs and your characters. You provide endless hours of torment and aching necks and arms and the feeling of utter hopeless failure. And yet, you keep my mind off things I don't want to and shouldn't think about. And when you are done, I feel so relieved and so bad at the same time. You are like mountain climbing -- miserable and cold and dangerous and fraught, but you have your peaks and valleys and the summit is an achievement.

I want to do this vid for Deb Morgan on Dexter. I'm stuck on a song that is very well-known, one of those rare songs that crosses musical lines and came out of nowhere to become a hit after being featured on a TV show so effectively. And I don't want to do this song even though it's been eating away at my brain since I first heard it a few years ago on the show and I love it and never ever get tired of hearing it. And it is beyond perfect for what I want to show about Deb. Why do I not want to do something that sounds so perfect? Because it's probably been vidded at least 13,487 times by 13 year old girls who make crappy YouTube type vids. A quick search, even, of YT confirms that there are at least half that many vids by crappy youthful vidders who wouldn't know a point of view or an edit point if it bit them in the ass. And two such kinds of vids for Dexter the character and show. Gah.

I have listened nonstop to everything I have and have bought tons of music online for the past few months, this idea burning in my head, trying to find something less used. I like other songs by the artist, but they don't have the tone I want and are more focused on other aspects that I don't want to focus on. I've found gajillions of wonderful songs, which I love and think they could work, but they don't work as well for me. None of them have the exact feeling I get from this overly familiar song.

I just... I don't know what to do. I've always enjoyed picking up stuff that is unexpected, that people think couldn't work for a show or a character, and blasting people's expectations to bits. I can't tell you how many people said something couldn't be vidded to me, only to recant when they saw the finished product. But this time, something unusual, rare, or unexpected is not working for me. Wonderful songs, but none of them have this feeling. I really don't know what to do. Force myself to make a song that doesn't quite speak to me in exactly the same way? I could still come up with something good, I'm sure, or at least not as bad as the crap on YT. But it wouldn't have that heart. OTOH, if I make it, a lot of people will just... recoil, or scorn it, or pass it by.

With vids, you lose people each step of the way -- first goes the fandom people, who wouldn't watch a vid unless they're in that fandom. Next comes the music genre -- "I won't listen to pop, country, boy bands, emo, metal, blah blah." Then the song, if they know it, and they don't want to hear it one more time because they hear it on the Muzak system at work every day or the guy in the truck plays that on the route 500 times an hour. And so on -- in the end, you lose a significant portion of viewers by whichever choices you make, so you have to take into consideration whether that bothers you.

I don't know if it does bother me to add that to the list or not -- maybe it's just that I don't want fellow vidders whom I respect to think I'm a loser for making such a blatant musical choice? Especially when I love finding obscure stuff for other vidders? I don't know. I just can't decide, but I want to start on the vid and the song will determine my clip choices.

Vidding, why so difficult?

About a month ago, I was tearing out overgrown weeds and crap in the back garden. It's a huge messy jungle out there, where I can't even see from one end of the garden to the other because the lemon balm, feverfew, foxgloves, catchfly and other crap are so tall. One of the worst spots had just giant streaming vines of this weed, and I can't find out what it's called. I've been on a bunch of web sites but haven't seen a pic or description of this thing that matches. It left me in agony. It's got these kind of... hairy, for want of a better word, leaves and stems, and about five to six lobes on it in a fan shape.

This one is kind of dessicated as I didn't think to take a pic until after I'd dumped everything in the yard waste. And as you'll see below, there's a reason I didn't want to go digging through the can after I'd piled other things on top. It grows and kind of winds around and through things, though not as bad as bindweed (false morning glory). It was literally everywhere and I'm still finding hidden bunches of it. Can anyone identify it?

This is weed:



And this is my arm on weed:



It was like being branded or something. Welts all over my arms, all the way up to my armpits because I would reach into these clumps of flowers and pull it out, and it would attach to my shirt like a leech. I'm glad I was at least wearing long pants because it hurt so much, if my legs had gotten it too, I don't know how I'd have slept for a few days. They stayed around until about five days later. It reminded me a lot of the time I fell in a nettle patch when I was little, wearing only shorts and a little top.

Before I tackle this again, I want to know what I'm up against!

Last night, mlyn and I went to see her friend Tiffany in a roller derby bout. It was really fun, though the community college gym where it was held was very hot and OMG the bleacher seats. Even with as much padding as my fat ass should provide, they fucking hurt. I totally spaced bringing a cushion or something to sit on. It's tough because they're so narrow and hard, but you can't move around much with people in front of and in back of you. At half time there was murderball, but M'lyn noted that it didn't look too murdery, and I think it was because there were a couple of able-bodied men in the game and so they were a little less murdery than usual. I said, watch the documentary and you'll see how it got the name. But it was fun anyway, especially when they had tire troubles, because they had a pit crew!

I used to love roller derby when I was a kid, the classic one with the chicks beating on each other like pro wrestling -- that faux grudge stuff, fake throws, etc. It's not at that level of hitting, but they still knock each other down, elbow, hip check, all that stuff. I'm amazed that they can continue skating after someone goes down right in front of them.

But what I really liked about it is that the women competing are all shapes and sizes and colors. There were tall skinny women, short fat women, petite and zaftig or petite and wiry, Amazonian strapping lasses, tall fat women, short skinny women... you get the picture. And they were all wearing little skirts and shorts and tank tops or athletic shirts and stockings and bare skin and just everything under the rainbow, and none of them were ashamed of their bodies or hiding their bulges if they had them. The next time I see someone whinging on LJ about how women can't let themselves show their real bodies or do active things if they're fat, I'm going to shout, "Go watch your local roller derby team!" at them.

And the murderball ref was this giant big-boned Amazonian blond woman in a belly shirt who ran back and forth with her boobs bouncing because she was big-breasted and clearly her sports bra couldn't hold everything down, and I just totally dug her. When the pit crew was changing the guys' wheels, she held the whole chair up for them, murderball player and all. Those chairs and those guys are heavy. So all in all, it was one of those kinds of empowering fun things, where there's no message but you come away feeling good about it. There were a lot of fans, too -- not necessarily even people who had a friend or family member competing, just fans of the teams. It was cool. (but next time, cushion. And back wall)

Also, who doesn't like to see chicks knocking each other around? I love it (I also used to like men's roller derby, too, but it's funner with grrls.) It's just fun. We don't get the chances to do this sort of thing much. We don't get athletic opportunities much anyway, let alone ones where there is physical contact, rough physical contact. I grew up with rough physical contact sports, always with boys, and I don't see it as a negative. It can be kind of fun, when it's controlled and not done with the idea of making it entertainment for men. I didn't see any kind of creepy pervy guys, either, and that was a huge plus. The women were having fun, the audience was having fun. Good stuff all around.

Then we went in search of a place to eat that didn't close down by 9. You would think on a Saturday night that wouldn't be such a tall order, but you would be wrong. Seattle is such a doofy city. The only places open late are expensive, and anything lower key closes the kitchen early. We'll never be a world class city if we roll up the kitchens at 9 on a Saturday. We finally went to a pub up by her place, which was nice and made good pizza, although -- hard wooden narrow benches! It was like some kind of conspiracy.

Oh flist that knows everything:

If one needed a double boiler but one didn't have one nor the ability to get one soon, could one substitute a stainless steel bowl nested over a pan (i.e., a bowl that would not go inside all the way into the saucepan, but nestled on top)?

I nearly t-boned an SUV today. I drive back from the grocery store along Beach Drive, which is a very scenic street alongside Puget Sound, where you can see the Olympic mountains over on the peninsula and the islands of the lower sound as well. People are just stupid as they drive along, gawking. This stupid bitch in a bigass luxury SUV did some kind of pullout from the other side of the road or a U-turn or something, I'm not sure, because I had just come around the corner and was starting to speed up and never saw her from ANYwhere. And she turned right in front of me from the other side of the road. Going very slowly, I might add. I honestly don't think she even bothered to look, because even though it's not right on the corner, you never know when someone will come from that turny road that you didn't see when you last looked 30 seconds ago. She was so close I could see her freaking eyelashes. I almost had a heart attack or peed my pants or something. I doubt there was more than an inch between my bumper and her door, and I still don't think she even realized what she'd done, since she was so busy putting her fucking sunglasses on. Kill kill kill. I get that people want to see the scenery and park at the water and whatever, but people live there, too, and they have to drive on that road and actually GET somewhere, so they don't always expect people to be left turning right in front of their moving cars.

I know I keep pimping this show, and I know that no one's listening, but I keep trying: Burn Notice season 2 starts tonight at 10 on USA. They're also marathoning some episodes today as I write this.

If you are interested but want to catch up, the first season just came out on DVD. I got my set and reviewed them, and they are in pretty good shape. I found their treatment of commentary tracks very interesting -- each episode has a "Get Burned" section, where specific scenes or clips have a commentary from stars Jeffrey Donovan, Sharon Glass, Gabrielle Anwar, and Bruce Campbell, as well as creator Matt Nix. At first I was annoyed -- I didn't understand why they didn't do commentaries on the whole episodes, and just pick one or two. But after I saw that each episode had a few clips at least, to quite a few, it grew on me. This way we get Bruce Campbell being hilarious in each episode, as opposed to just a few choice ones. The pilot and the finale have the most commentaries included.

The package is quite low-rent, as you'd expect from USA. No special art, and the one posed shot they use over and over. One of the nice things though is that they beefed up the sound a bit, which I appreciate, especially after watching so many episodes of shows where there appears to be no sound engineers at all, like Dr. Who and Torchwood, because everyone's shouting over hideously overaggressive music all the time. The series has been really good with music both incidental and soundtrack, and they did a good job on mixing this. The menus all have a Play All feature, something I really love and which far too few TV discs offer (still! Why can't they get with the program!).

I think the show is best described as Rockford Files + Equalizer + MacGyver x Sneakers. (A lot of people throw Miami Vice in there, but beyond being set in Miami, it's really nothing like that. The best part of Miami though is the look, and how there aren't the same 12 Canadian actors and same 15 Vancouver settings that most USA/Sci-Fi shows use.) It's light and humorous, actiony and spy-stuff packed, with a few nice deadly serious turns. Bruce Campbell as Sam Axe, the ex-Navy SEAL sidekick to Jeffrey Donovan's burned spy Michael Westen, is a total treasure in the show, and Gabrielle Anwar totally won me over even though I thought I hated her. She seems far too tiny to be doing the things she does with weapons until you look close, and you see how incredibly wiry she is, and you get a look at her abs -- that girl is made of rebar. And I adore Sharon Gless as Michael's chainsmoking, hypochondriac mother. It is so good having her on TV again.

And there is definitely a slashiness between Sam and Michael, enough that Bruce Campbell commented on it. I won't say what episode or scene this was from to avoid spoilers, but in one of the commentaries, there was this little exchange (not verbatim):

Campbell: And here's the part where they kiss, but that got cut out. You guys always cut out the good parts.
Nix: ... I actually did write a kiss into that scene. I wondered if anyone would really see it in the script.
Donovan: We read the scripts.
Nix: I knew someone saw it when the next day my assistant called and told me she sprayed a mouthfull of Coke all over her computer...

Seriously, how could a show with Bruce Campbell not be worth someone's time? I loved his wry obervation about the key to Sam's character is being EX Navy SEAL -- Sam is a little chunky and has a sliiiight drinking issue (one of my favorite lines in the show is Michael being horrified by Sam coming over with a bucket of fried chicken. When they leave, Michael says, "And bring your bucket of fat with you," to which Sam replies, "And I'll bring my chicken, too."). And this year, there are some great guest stars lined up, like Tricia Helfer in a recurring role, Michael Shanks in an arc, and Oded Fehr, to mention a few. Here's hoping they can maintain the tone and the cool spy tricks into the new season.

ice cream. Yes, yes we do. I made my first-ever batch of homemade ice cream last night. And by that I mean that I have never eaten homemade ice cream nor have I made it at home. I mean, sure, I've had ice cream that was made by hand by someone at a restaurant, but I've never had it made by someone I know in a... home. So it was not only fun, but highly educational.

My dad bought me a KitchenAid stand mixer for my b-day last year, which I really didn't want because I couldn't see myself using it (since baking is scary), and then he topped it off by getting me, instead of the thing I really wanted, an ice-cream-making attachment for it. Like I need ice cream. I have enough trouble trying to keep my weight down -- I might as well just sit down and eat some butter sticks. He's been hoping to make some for a long time but I kept putting him off because it seemed tedious and annoying, like most cooking is. I'm getting better at it, but cooking is still hard. People lie to me all the time about this: "Oh, cooking is easy once you get started." Liars whose pants are ON FIRE. People for whom cooking comes naturally say this to people like me all the time and I hope their noses grow so long they can't get through revolving doors next time.

But last night he came over to work on the batter part. He also got me the Ben & Jerry's ice cream book, which, though the sweet cream custard base is really simple and doesn't require cooking (yay!), mostly has recipes for ice cream with junk in it. As B&J's does. I will say right here, and I'm sure many people will recoil in horror at my heresy, that I don't like ice cream with junk in/on it. Nuts, maybe. But cookies, candy, and just... stuff, does not float my heavy cream and egg yolks boat. I like it purer. The only kind I like with junk in it is Rocky Road; even chocolate chip mint where the chocolate chips are actual chips/chunks as opposed to flecks of said chips/chunks is too much for me. I don't mind strips of other flavors -- for instance, I love ribbons of peanut butter, or honey, or something in the ice cream. But keep your sprinklies off my ice cream! (Unless they are the aforementioned nuts.)

Years ago, Dreyer's made this wonderful vanilla almond ice cream that I put chocolate sauce on and it was like having a sundae; now I can make my own. Dad and I just went with vanilla last night since that seemed like a good starter one. Next up is chocolate, of course. Then coconut, I think, although I've looked up recipes for honey lavender ice cream, which I had at this French bistro downtown, and it was the most heavenly thing I've ever put in my mouth (to paraphrase Buffy). Many of the recipes I found were way too complex, but there are a few that might be worth trying. Still, they involve cooking. Feh.

It definitely takes a lot of time. Poor dad had to go home and come back later tonight in order to enjoy the finally frozen fruits (creams?) of our labor because it takes quite a while to set. But it's glorious now that it has. It seems to melt a bit faster than commercial, but I assume that's because there are no stabilizers. Anyhow, even eating melted homemade vanilla ice cream is better than anything else. But now I have this big bowl of ice cream and I really don't want that on my hips! (Also, I want to make more more more now that I know how, so I need to free up space.) So, Seattle peeps, if you want to try some, come on by. Seriously. (Alexfandra, it's a daylong project, but you're welcome to come down and make some with me! We can go birding while we wait.)

Me, I'm going to the store to buy root beer later, and make myself a real homemade root beer float. Whee.

OMG you guys. sdwolfpup wrote me a little Charlie Jade post-ending fic for More Joy day and I didn't even know it, because stoopit LJ didn't send me any of the comment notifications for the entire post. I missed it on More Joy day, but that doesn't mean it can't be extended to today. It's a sweet little Reena and Karl thing and you should read it!

I am almost glad it came today and I saw it for the first time today because I had a particularly crappy weekend and was not feeling very joyful last week. Fortunately mlynasked me if I wanted to go shopping on Sunday and even though my yard work is desperately behind season and the garden is a total disaster area, it helped me forget about some of the things getting me down. And then we watched Slings & Arrows, which always makes everything better, because Anna is so awesome and I wish I could be her.

When I get some more work work done and a little more marketing work done for the freelance biz, I also am going to start a new vid about Deb from Dexter, which I'm a little excited about. No con pressures, no show, just vidding for vidding. But millions more things to do till then.

In the meantime, go read SDW's More Joy schtuff!

OK, the vid is done, and demuxed, and sent to VVC. The first attempt was bad, but since I haven't heard back on the second one, I'm assuming no news is good news and that keiko_kirin's excellent advice worked. Compressor is not the least bit intuitive for a program. (Well, none of the FC Studio stuff is, but it's pretty confusing as confusing programs go. I understand from others that it is much-loathed.) I spent hours and hours poking around, trying things, making a hash of it. My .mov file is gorgeous, but I think it's saved the wrong way because it's also insanely huge, but I really do not know what to save this thing as -- FCP just has way too many settings. People are paralyzed when they have too many choices! Don't these people know this?

But anyway, the dirgey, angst-fest, poor woobie who dies all the time and loses everyone whinge of a Capt. Jack vid is in the can. I had some trouble with aspect ratios due to the DLs of season 2 eps often being different, and some of the clips have this weird video noise in them that I get sometimes from .avis, but I just didn't have time to worry about that. I've never worked so hard up against a deadlne before, and it freaks me out. I'm just not a procrastinator about timelines; I can't stand the pressure of working close to a due date. And now I have post-partum depression. I always get like this when I finish a vid that's really ... I dunno, important or emotional for me. There's this thing about Jack that I love, this underlying constant sense of grief that we get to see from time to time, that's made me want to vid him from the start. Nowhere was that more evident to me than when he and Gwen are sitting on the cliffside and talking about telling the families of the missing people who've been returned through the rift, and his reaction to when she challenges him that hasn't he ever lost anyone? And it's like that's all he's done, over and over, since being resurrected. And I love that about him, that he still carries on.

Anyways. My misery at trying to understand how to do things technologically that I have trouble understanding how to do is made worse when it's pre-period depression. Right before that time of the month, OMG, I am doom and gloom cubed. Everything makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep for days. I never even really realized what it was until many years ago, my Ex pointed out that I was practically suicidal for a few days every month and so he'd remind me, "Um, maybe it's just your pre-period depression talking?" in this small, terrified voice, because I think he was afraid I'd turn my suicidalness into homicidalness and kill him in his sleep (which I threatened to do on a number of occasions, so it wasn't like he was making that up out of whole cloth).

What's worse is that I've hit those lovely golden years ("That time of year thou mayest in me behold, when autumn leaves, or none, or few do hang...") of perimenopause, where you're still stuck with the effing thing but you get the joys of being menopausal. If this is the before, I really hate to thing of what the after is going to be like. Because my body is wreaking havoc on me without any kind of warning, and the headaches OMG (which I have right now, and it fracking hurts), and I am hoping to go to Cape Town next year but I wonder if my insane body will let me travel. I sleep for ridiculous amounts of time sometimes, and other times can't sleep at all, but I never know when this going to happen.

So of course, something like vidding, where I am frustrated by my lack of ability to grasp technical issues, balloons into this Huge Thing and the hormones just turn it crazy-making. And I don't think the vid is even that good! So it's like expending all this energy into something and sobbing and rending my garments, all for this thing that I want to set on fire. This is why I always say that vidders are insane. We are.

I wanted to work on some other vids but I have that whole post-partum thing going on. It's over, and I don't have to look at it for months, which is good, but OTOH, my baby! It's gone! Oy. Vidding is hard.

I finished my VVC Premieres vid finally today. I think it looks awful but what can you do. I've never worked this far up against the deadline, which is Friday night, and I always like to give myself lots of room. That was not in the cards this year, between the job changes and getting a new computer and needing to get Final Cut Pro in order to vid and then another hard drive getting killed so I couldn't just use the old computer and FC Express. Gah.

At least Jack and Ianto are pretty and that makes it somewhat easier to deal with. Jack is so, so pretty. OTOH, I really envy Gwen's actress, getting to play all that hot UST with him. Yum.

Anyhow. I am once again in the position of begging my flist for help. Would anyone out there have some time to help me figure out how to export the file and demux it? I have never been able to get the demuxing thing to work before, due to compatibility issues, but supposedly with Pro I can. However, the manual is oriented toward the professional editor, and doesn't really provide the info I need in a way I can understand this and how it relates to what I need to do for VVC. And there are not only beeellions more choices about encoding than my old FCE 2.3 had, the interfaces are quite different (bigendian and littleendian whatnow?), and I am utterly lost and starting to get that sinking frustrated feeling where I'm going to cry because I am so hopelessly stupid. I'm using FCP HD, and which I guess is FCP 6? I understood it that I was meant to save the video file as MPEG 2, but I don't even see that as an option.

God, why did you make me want to be a vidder and yet make me so technologically inept?

If you can help me, I could meet you in chat or call you, if you might have time, and then I would offer you my first-born child in appreciation. Not that that's much of an offer, I realize. I also will buy you lots of drinks at the con if you're going.

OMG, you guys. The other day, I was watching the new HGTV series Rate My Space. There's a page on the HGTV web site where people can post pics of their spaces, and other members rate them. They started a new series based off that page, where low-rated sites will get a visit from the designer host, Angelo Surmelis (who, I discovered, at some point was an actor -- when I captured clips for my Club VIvid vid, I saw him in an Angel episode, playing a computer surveillance guy working at Wolfram & Hart). He helps them make over their low-star spaces, inspired by a couple different spaces they find at the site they'd like to incorporate the look of.

After I posted, and got a few nice comments, I got an email from one of the producers of the show. She asked if I would be willing to be an inspiration space, especially because the lighting is so great. They show the people who have the inspiration spaces, talking online with the makeover folks and the host. Which means if I was chosen, I'd not only have to clean everything up like whoa, but I'd also have to be on camera, which... ugh. It's not just that I'm ugly, it's that I'm ugly AND incredibly nonphotogenic. I mean, the camera freaking hates me. My face has no real definition, and it turns into one big fat blob blancmange thing, with my fifteen chins the only thing you really see.

I've always wanted to be on an HGTV show, especially Curb Appeal because the outside of the house needs such desperate help, but they never film anything here in the Northwest that's centered on design -- only real estate stuff like House Hunters and My House Is Worth What? So it's really cool that someone thinks my space is inspirational for other remodlers, but I'm kind of afraid of being on TV like that.

But there are no guarantees, anyway, so it might not happen. But I got asked! That's the coolest thing.

And, so, hey -- go rate my space! It started slipping down into just "good" territory, and I need more five star votes from my friends. :: makes little hamsterlike begging motions:: It's here.

AND OMG again: I just got an email from her with attachments for release forms and they want me to send a tape to them by next week Monday. I don't know if I can do that!

I usually try to keep work and fan space separate, but I've talked here recently about some projects I was working on, especially one for the crazy French clients. It finished last week, as the site went live and the exhibit opened at the Corcoran Gallery in Washington, D.C., and I thought I'd share a bit with you because it is such a cool project. In fact, if you're anywhere in the DC area, check out the exhibit if you can. It's really fascinating, mixing standard photography with video and narrative. For my friends who are into photography, and you know who you are!, it's a lot to look at in one visit to the site, but it's worth watching all the essays.

The project is called Access To Life, and it was a joint project with Magnum Photos (my clients) and the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria. Magnum is the famous photography collective started after WWII by photographers like Robert Capa and Henri Cartier-Bresson. To say that their photography is stunning is quite an understatement. The project features 8 photographers in 9 different countries, documenting the lives of people living with AIDS and how access to free antiretroviral drugs has changed their futures.

My crazy clients weren't really crazy -- it was mostly the deadlines and the speed that made me call them that, they were wonderful to work with, but unfortunately, the large charity this project is for didn't really understand workflow for this kind of thing, so I often turned around copy within minutes that should have been delivered sooner. The poor Magnum staff were working 24/7 on these things to meet deadline, and copy was flying around in all sorts of states. A lot of what I edited didn't make it into certain pages. In fact, on Magnum's own site, the copy that's there, in all its typo-ridden glory, is from a pre-copyedited point, sadly. At times it was almost impossible to keep track of what was flying around. Initially I tried to get them to fix the foot and inch marks for real quotations and apostrophes, but they were so far behind, they just couldn't do it. I felt really bad for them. I'd get emails at midnight, which was 3 a.m their time.

And they were French only in that a lot of the staff comes from Magnum's Paris office, but they were in NY, which was how I got connected to them, from my time at Slate. Sometimes, though, this caused me trouble in that I couldn't always parse what was being said, but we persevered, and I think that I was on the right wavelength with my contact, so even if I wasn't sure I understood correctly, I usually did, just sort of psychically, I guess. And some of the translations (from native speakers through translators, sometimes into two more languages -- talk about a babelfish!) were incomprehensible -- in fact, India was so bizarre that I often warned them I was shooting in the dark in rewrites, which they had given me carte blanche to do. I think it turned out really well, though, and even the oddities make at least a little sense now.

It was hard to look at, sometimes. The one on Rwanda... geez. It has some of the best photography: Gilles Peress, the photographer, had been there in 1994 during the genocide, so it includes some of his own work from that period, and it is just... the beginning is really difficult to watch. But it has the most hopeful stories of the people whose lives have been transformed by the ARVs, so stick with it if you can. South Africa also has one that left me in a pretty bad state. But so many of the stories are really touching -- there are deaths, and serious tragedy, but there is also hope and a future. The motorcycle messenger in Rwanda was such a doting father, and his story is so hopeful, that it kind of changes the equation a little bit.

Anyway, I think it's really valuable, and fascinating to look at if you appreciate photography simply as art, but if you like human stories that affect how you look at the world or are interested in the AIDS crisis, it's worth seeing all these stunning essays. But please don't judge my editing skills by some of these -- there are lots of places where they used stuff I hadn't worked on, so it's not always me! Generally, if there are typos or missing/misused words, you can bet I didn't see it. ;-)

I have come to really dislike a lot of the fake holidays, especially the tyranny of Mother's Day. I often forget or ignore accidentally Father's Day, and my dad doesn't seem to notice, so it's no big deal. This year I actually remembered and invited him over for steak. He loves steak, which they don't serve more than once in a blue moon at the old folks' home, and we often go out to Outback, but unfortunately the noise is a real problem for him with his terrible hearing. It's all one big blob of bad noise. So now that I have a real kitchen, I've been pulling out my electric grill and making him steak once in a while, and I grilled some corn, and roasted some potatoes, though the potatoes came out disappointing. He isn't supposed to eat corn, but he did anyway because it was so good, and the tenderloin steak was mighty fine, as well.

I asked him if he'd like to stay and watch a movie, because I had Rescue Dawn on my Netflix. My dad never watches movies. He used to watch war movies, and once in a while he'll watch part of one, but he never sticks with them. He told me he actually watched a movie on TV the other night, so sure, he'd stick around ("Used Lions" he called it, and I asked, "Secondhand Lions?" "Oh, yes, right."). If he didn't like it, he said, he'd leave. At one point, he said, "You sure like a lot of unpleasant movies," to which I responded, "When have you ever watched a movie with me? Like, never." But I think he might have been remembering my recommendation of Saving Private Ryan. He watched the whole thing, which surprised me. Toward the end, he was breathing really weird, with those kind of deep breaths they teach you to control anxiety. I asked if he was okay, and he said, "Well, I'm just cold!"

Then I realized he was crying. That's what he does when he cries, which has happened about four times in my whole life. After the movie ended, he was blowing his nose.

So I asked if he was going to come over more often and watch dad-appropriate movies with me. He said he would consider it. It's taken me largely my whole life, but I may finally be getting my father to watch movies with me!

Man, movies not to watch on back to back nights, especially when you're already in a state of depression and anxiety about the incredibly sorry-ass state of the world: I Am Legend and Cloverfield. Even worse, don't follow up with a chaser of Battlestar Galactica 4th season midpoint finale. (Also, reasons No. 3,481 and 3,482 not to live in NYC.)

I get frustrated that no one seems able to actually take Matheson's incredibly cinematic tale and make a movie that's true to the story. But at the same time, I found Will Smith's loneliness and increasing insanity to be really evocative and haunting. The movie stayed with me, which was unexpected. Even though it's not the movie I want, it was still worth watching, and it's one of the rare horror thrillers I've seen in the past few years to stay with me.

And you know, Cloverfield was fun to a certain degree, but I find that my need to know why always trips me up in enjoying these things. I'm like Gwen in Torchwood's Countrycide ep -- I just have to know WHY. And I want to know why the monster -- was he like Godzilla, created out of nuclear waste and toxins? Was he a project of the military? I must know but the movie didn't tell me! (This isn't only movies, either -- I have to know why people are batshit or stupid, too. You know that thing with the crazy fracking woman who went to Wiscon with the intention of humiliating people, and that whole firestorm last month? I always want to find her and just ask her, "What is WRONG with you?" Because man, I even looked up some of those behaviors in DSM IV and I couldn't really find a category for her, so crazy is her shit, and I feel like I must know how someone could be that deranged and not be in a state-run facility. It just eats at me, the not knowing.)

( And I have one thing to say about the BSG finale )

Everyone and their sister has been linking to a "new" Star Trek movie trailer. Every time I follow the link, it's to a teaser that's been out for months now -- I've been watching it regularly since I got the new iMac, on the FrontRow app that I came to love so much. Where is the "new" trailer? Is there a link on the main page I'm not seeing? WTF?

Why isn't ugh a mood? It should be. That's how I feel today. Spent the weekend trying to catch up on things and made very little progress -- got a bit more done in the garden, but not nearly enough, washed the windows, which makes everything look a lot nicer, but that was about all. Crazy French Clients sent me work over the weekend and we had a conference call, which was unexpected. The work is coming to a close, but this week will be pretty busy as they get ready to put it online and open the exhibit at the Corcoran.

I had to take the sweet darling little boy to the vet today and leave him. They didn't have any openings, so they will try to see him in between other appts. today at some point. The lower half of his face is totally swollen -- he looks like a frog, or maybe one of those lizards with the bellows beneath their chins. I can't see any sign of a sting or anything in his mouth, but it's really difficult to get a good look at his little teefs -- it seems to be the one thing I cannot do to him without him fighting up a storm. I don't know if he got stung by a yellowjacket or something, since he loves to chase bugs, or possible hurt himself some other way. He is eating and even though his kibbles were hard for him to chew, he still went after them, and I wouldn't have known anything was wrong except he'd been acting very shy and skittish, which he normally never is, so I went over to pet him and saw how swollen his neck was. Poor little dude. He's so sweet and tender, I just hate anything happening to him.

I like being a homebody, but I don't like it being sort of... forced on me, you know? It's depressing when people make plans right in front of you, but don't invite you and then talk about it later; it's depressing when you clear your calendar for an evening or day with someone, and they completely forget about you and stand you up. I need to figure out a way to meet some new people, make some new friends, or something. People who actually want to be around me or enjoy my company. It's my responsibility, it's just hard to figure out a way to meet people that doesn't necessarily involve expensive socializing out somewhere (just when I thought I was getting ahead again in money, trips to the vet ensue). It's like, homebodies aren't going to go out somewhere! And even though gas is so expensive, I should get my membership up to date at the gym across Lake Washington and make a pact that I will go there once a week to swim or something.

If you have pets and the shedding gets you down, allow me to shill for a product -- the Furminator comb. I would see the videos all the time at the pet store, and think it couldn't be that amazing, but it really is. This thing pulls out tons of undercoat fur, the stuff that sticks to your clothes most often. I can't get Olive to sit still for it enough, as she's the propulsive shedder in the house, but the few licks I can get in, fistfuls of fur come out. They're pretty expensive, but worth every penny.

I'm doing some research into fan campaigns to save or bring back shows. (And no, I promise, it won't be for "fans are so silly and live in their parents' basements" kinds of stuff.) And I need your help, oh all knowing wise and powerful flist. (Also, feel free to pass this around if you want.)

1) I can't find a still image of the Variety ad that Firefly fans bought; you know the one, with the "You keep flying, we'll keep watching" stuff. For some reason, the image is no longer linked at fireflyfans.net or browncoats or whedonesque, and I don't even see it on alyson beatrice's own site. I can't find any information about a request to make the image unavailable. I know that there's a shot of it on the DVDs, but I really would prefer a still image. Does anyone know where I can find one, or if it's cached somewhere, or have a copy of that ad?

2) What other fan campaigns used objects to symbolize their attempt to save their show? I can come up with a handful off the top of my head, but I can't remember if other shows used items sent to TPTB -- like, I don't think Sentinel did, but maybe I'm wrong.

So far, I've got:
La Femme Nikita -- sunglasses
Now and Again -- plastic eggs
Roswell -- Tabasco bottles
Jericho --peanuts

Was there anything for Miracles, Wonderfalls, and so on? There are probably plenty of series I wasn't into, so your help would be greatly appreciated.

OMG, Cute Overload posted a YouTube copy of my favorite cartoon ever, Warner Bros.' Feed the Kitty. It's hysterical, and I never watch it but I laugh and laugh, especially when Marc Anthony, the dog who falls in love with the little kitten, sits there grabbing his ankles and rocking back and forth, sobbing uncontrollably. Oh, man, I adore this cartoon. It's here and you should go watch it if you've never seen it before. I think it's even better than What's Opera, Doc?

gattagrigia and hubby are back from Paris, where they picked me up a tin of Mariage Freres' Sakura green tea for 2008. If you've never tried Mariage Freres teas, you should. I am a tea fanatic, and I am amazed at how long I suffered without experiencing this tea. They've been making their classic black tin blends since 1854, though they've been hard to get in this country for a long time. Mariage Freres has a web site you can now order from, but it's probably the most ghastly design I've ever come across, on any browser. (In fact, talkingsock, this would make you laugh and laugh.)

The company has made it difficult to order their basic line here -- you have to call the main distributor because they haven't let them make the teas available online any other way than their own site. But if you're lucky, there may be a store in your city you can find them; it's worth looking around. In Seattle, they're carried by Watson-Kennedy. After I tried some of the divine Montagne d'Or, which has flower petals and a fruity infusion to create this heavenly fruity-flowery black tea that is so mild and softly sweet you don't need any extra sweetener, I couldn't go back to other teas. Nothing is as good! Their blacks are incredibly well-blended, no bitterness, even in the darker leaves. The greens are soft, not grassy or sharp at all like cheaper greens can be. I have yet to try the white blends, because I haven't seen any here on the shelves, but maybe if I can ever navigate that crazy online store, I'll order some in the future. Whites can often taste like hay, so I'll be interested to see how theirs taste.

They're expensive, but worth every penny if you love a good cuppa.

I have all these thoughts running around in my head. Too many. I keep trying to post about stuff and then I get tired thinking of all that keyboarding and don't do it.

So the first thing I will attempt to write about is the infamous LJ elections currently going on. Leave it to LJ to pick a huge holiday weekend in the States to start it. And, I'm sure they hoped, have it go unnoticed by most of the constituency. A lot of the attention has focused on jameth, an asshole most of us in the LJ seattle community have unfortunately been dealing with for a long time. If this is your first exposure to him, lucky you. The worst part is that there are so many people, especially in seattle, who thinks he's the bees knees, as evidenced by this post. I love how this fuckwit makes grand sweeping indictments of sockpuppetry without providing, of course, any actual proof or data. When people call him on it, he swans about, like so many of the idiots who toady to jameth do.

(Ever since sherrold encouraged me to join the Seattle community, I've had this kind of dislike/hate relationship with it. It's full of the most obnoxious people who hide behind their predilection for "snark" that is in reality often nasty, pointless cruelty. Sometimes, rarely, it's funny when they dogpile on someone, but a lot of times, it's just this awful sickening feeling, watching them dismember someone for no reason other than "lulz." I can never decide if the uselessness outweighs the usefulness.)

If you don't follow this stuff (like I usually don't), but want to vote against the kinds of people who think harassment is for the lulz or vote for fannishly inclined candidates, take a peek at fandom_votes and read their statements. The election is over soon, and I think it would really behoove those of us in fandom to try to get more representation even if it's in a mostly honorary "advisory" capacity. You know that thing about the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing? Well, think of it as the only thing necessary for evil LJ overlords to ruin this space even more than they have is for good fans to do nothing. There's always a possibility, based on how much antipathy SUP has for their new baby's users, that they'll get tired of the hew (hue?) and cry and ditch it to another buyer, and hey, maybe they won't be so heinously abysmal in their practices. It could happen. So having people who represent us could benefit us more than we think in the long run if changes occur. Go vote. Please.

Anyway. I was bored and lonesome this weekend and everyone was either gone or doing something else, so I went downtown shopping on Saturday. It turned out to be insanely hot, and I bought a lot of things I didn't really need, but I think I was so excited about getting paid for some jobs that I got a little giddy. It's such a different life, not getting a regular paycheck. I had to take frequent breaks and sit down to rest due to the heat and that I was still not recovered from Martian Death Flu. Even today, I still cough and am out of breath terribly when I go for my walks, and I get just exhausted by simple gardening or walking.

But downtown was nice in the sun, and I picked up some more of my new dishes at Sur La Table, and found a couple of Franciscan Starburst pattern items in the antique store. I don't know why I haven't been looking at antique stores for serving things for the new kitchen. Being at montanaharper's house a couple times recently, with her fantastic retro stuff and midcentury modern furniture, made me realize I wanted more of that stuff and that buying something new wasn't necessary. I love the Starburst atomic age pattern, and I picked up a Tulip Time plate from around '62 a few weekends ago. They make nice serving pieces, though they're definitely small compared to the stuff you buy new these days. As usual, though, I struck out on pants buying, but did at least get a couple nice tops. I have tons of nice summer tops that I don't even get to wear really, but I'm kind of tired of them, some of which I've had for more than 5 years. I love the Belltown boutiques, but most don't offer anything in my size range, though I did find one store that had a lot of stuff I could wear. Then I topped it off with a crepe at the creperie in the Market, and it was good, good, good.

Well, I'll have to organize the rest of my thoughts. I have thoughts rolling around about the Jack/Ianto story I want to write, about the horrible effects of gardening on Sunday that left me with welts all over, about cats and grooming, about the kitchen remodel, and all kinds of things fannish such as annoying season finales, music, vidding, and so on. It's just too much to write.

( Mostly the behbeh kitty before he's not a behbeh anymore )