If you've made a posting of some kind, or know of any, about Alli, please link them here. It's good to see them.

This is Julie, julindigo.

Some of you already know this.

Alli died some time this morning. I wish I could tell you some way less bluntly. I wish I could tell ME some way less bluntly. I wish I could tell me that it wasn't true. Part of me still feels like it isn't. I'm completely numb. I'm terrified of the gaping black hole of sadness that will overtake me when the numbness wears off. I don't know if I'll ever get out of it.

I don't think she meant to. I feel like it's all my fault, like I killed her. If only we hadn't drank so much. If only we hadn't fought. If only I hadn't left. A million if onlies that all add up to the fact that Alli's dead.

Here's what I need from you. I want you to post a memory of Alli, and of Alli and me if you have one. If you have any pictures of her, please send them to me. I want to make a book of some kind. I don't care if we've had drama or aren't friends, I need that from you. I need to know that she knew I loved her, that she knows now that I love her. Please, just tell me anything that comes to your mind.

I'm posting this in her journal too. I'm sorry for those of you who had to see it twice.

I love you Alli. I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough. But I fucking love you so much. I need a sign, please give me a sign.

Reproductive Rights 101

Join us for a community meeting and panel discussion about the state of reproductive rights in the Lone Star State.

Listen to representatives from the Austin-area's largest reproductive services and rights organizations discuss what the biggest concrete threats to reproductive freedom are, what they do to address these threats, and what they need help from you to do. Then stay for an open-forum brain-storming, discussion and networking session with the rest of the community members in attendance. Always wanted to get involved but never really knew how? Not really sure what we're up against? Come and find out who is threatening your rights, what they are doing and how you can fight back.

This is an informational meeting for PRO-CHOICE community members. This is not a debate forum, so please do not attend with the intent to disrupt.

Tuesday, April 26th, 7pm. TONIGHT!
At Bookwoman bookstore, on the corner of 12th and Lamar.

I want to go on a retreat/sabbatical this summer by myself for a little bit. Maybe a week or two? but I am having trouble findin a place that looks like it would work. it's all waayyy expensive and/or it's all yuppie hippy yoga shit. like, i am totally down with a raw diet, and silent hours and spiritual exploration, that's what I am looking for. But all the pictures on the websites I am looking at are of like 50 year old aging hippy men with white ponytails and flowing cotton clothing. Nothing against individuals similar to that description. it's just that I am a 22 year old queer girl with tattoos and a foul mouth and general weirdness and rowdiness.

I feel like I want to find somewhere more politically radical, maybe a real hippy commune where folks can just come and work for a week or something. Or, I dont know...just SOMETHING. Does anyone know of anything? It doesnt have to be in Texas, necessarily, but it would be nice not to have to come up with MORE money for a flight.

Anyone have any ideas of where I should look?

hey kids. long time, no post. things for me have been steadily improving, which makes me happy. i am totally content with work/school right now (but the semester just started) and that's rad.

anyway, enough about me. i deleted the journal for a reason and i stand by that reason and have to state, unwaveringly, that it was a wonderful choice for me and my mental health. i'm undeleting for a reason, too.

i just got a call from a clinic we sent funds to when countercrisis first started. they havent called in months, so I knew it was a big deal. it's a young teenager, 5 months pregnant, abusive parents and has drank/used drugs while pregnant. can't tell anyone, we have to reach her through the clinic. anyway, her abortion is $1100, and she only has $200. She's scheduled for next friday. I just got financial aid, so we can throw down a couple hundred, but i can't do much more than that because we're gonna need that money ourselves.

can anyone help out? please?

email julie, indigo1021@aol.com , i never check my email anymore. thanks.

So, for Julie's birthday I got her some stuff from bookwoman (woohoo for employee discounts!). I got two books, The Story of Jane: The Legendary Underground Feminist Abortion Service and an On Our Backs sex book. She picked the sex book to read first, since she is always hory, so I am reading the Jane book. And omg, wow. I keep getting all teary eyed and inspired. It's a great story and you should know it.

IP logging off, anonymous posting allowed. Leave me a comment to this post to tell me what you think of me. What you REALLY think of me. Really really. Spare no truth.

Thanks for all your great suggestions to my "what do you eat right before payday?" post. here's what I ended up finding and making:

I took some way old corn tortillas that were cracking and I fried them until they were good and crisp.

In a saucepan I mixed a can of pinto beans, a can of red beans, a can of kidney beans and a can of corn with a LOT of minced garlic and a packet of taco seasoning. I would have added onions but my girlfriend hates them passionately. I heated this up and simmered it, then mashed up the beans JUST a little bit.

Cut up a bunch of cheese that needed to be used TODAY before it went bad.

Opened a can of enchilada sauce.

Layered a casserole dish with crispy tortilla, bean and corn mix, cheese, and enchilada sauce. It made a nice deep casserole that satisified all!


So, now I have another question

What do you consider your ESSENTIAL kitchen staples? Your must have at all or most times in the cabinet and fridge.

So...when you're at that place, money wise, just trying to stretch out your canned/boxed/frozen staples while you're waiting for your next paycheck, what recipes do you make? What would be really rad would be discovering the existence of some sort of "cabinet cuisine" recipe site or generator. I want to surprise my girlfriend with a few nice meals, scraped out of the dregs of our food supply, to prove that "we can be absolutely broke for a few days and still eat good food!"

aawww. We just got a beautiful package of fresh flowers from liamsmadre. I forgot how rad it is to get unexpected packages!! You're rad, Ames.

our house, in the last day and a half, has become the MESSIEST it has ever been. It's not dirty messy, it's just TONS OF STUFF EVERYWHERE messy. I like the new house being tidy and pretty. it's sort of making me feel upset.

You Know You're From Texas When...

You see more Texan flags than American flags. You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots. You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries. You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds. You dress up to go shopping at the mall. You've hung ornaments and tinsel on a tumbleweed and used it as a Christmas tree. You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor. You know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken. You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards. You know what a 'Cowboy Cadillac' is. You have both a dog and a brother-in-law named Bud Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department You watch the movie Urban Cowboy and laugh at the phony Texan accents You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine You think that the 4 basic food groups are nachos, bar-b-que, fajitas, and Copenhagen. You refer to the Dallas Cowboys as "God's favorite football team" You know whether another Texan is from South, West, East, North, or Central Texas as soon as they open their mouth. You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans. Your Pastor wears boots. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin. The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Texas.

UGH! i hate all these things!!! Austin is in Texas but not ONE of these fucking things is true for me. Well, I mean, I've only lived here a year and a half, but shit! it makes me embarrassed. EVERYONE NOT IN TEXAS...come to Austin! it's not like that!. I like how they added this in: You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans. Because we are better than you!!! that is why! I don't know why I am so annoyed with this! maybe because I was developing my own little brand of Texas pride? But it's not texas pride it's AUSTIN pride, muthafucka. The other day me and the Squatty and Baldy were driving through a greenbelt to target and I was like "omg. I just had a texas pride moment. I was looking out the window and thinking 'god, Austin is really beautiful.'I am so embarassed!"

this is me on thursday. I look very cute, no. ok, not really just i just wanted to show you my great tits.

Wanna look smokin' hot AND raise money to help ensure that more women have access to abortion services? Come over to the countercrisis community and buy a "Mama by Choice" shirt, for our first official fundraiser! Not a Mama but pro-choice? Buy one for the pro-choice mamas in your life, and then wait till our official CounterCrisis shirts are ready and buy one of those for yourselves.

Limited time offer! Get 'em while they're hot!




look at sexy, regal Jen modeling hers! available in a WIDE variety of styles, colors and sizes. All t-shirts are manufactured by American Apparel and independently screenprinted.

This is Billy, I am posting on Alli's behalf. She wants me to let everyone know she and Julie have been extremely busy moving since she got back from Portland. (NOT drinking herself into oblivion) They don't have access to email or the internet right now (hence the reason I am posting), and want everyone to know that they are working hard cleaning and moving. So if you have been trying to reach them that's the lowdown, no snubs or anything, they have just been out of the loop for a while.

Dori (sp), she says she is sorry, but she will call you soon. They have been "hella-busy" with the move and whatnot.