Current Tags: acting, media, music, shows, theater, west side story

I find it obnoxious that I really don't do anything with my time, which is why summer and well, life in general, is so boring for me... *sigh*. I don't know. People reading my LJ must think I'm so boring and depressing because all I do is rant in here. Well, it's my journal and I'll do what I want in it. Haha.

Rehearsal was mad boring today. Half the people that were supposed to be there weren't there, and we did the barricade scenes. Me and Vincenzo are partners again for it. While loading the muskets, one of the kids railed me in the elbow with it, and oh my god, it hurt like such a fucking bitch, you have no idea. I was surprised it wasn't bleeding, holy shit. Those things are heavy as hell.

I'm really really REALLY sick of people using me for my car. It's just obnoxious. I understand if every once in a while someone desperately needs a ride somewhere and it's close by or they give me gas money, but honestly. If you're asking me multiple times a week for rides to places that aren't even within 20 minutes of where I live, when there are dozens of other people you could ask, it just gets really annoying. Especially when the person gets mad when I say I can't. Oh my god.

Me, mom, and Aunt Sheri watched The Ringer tonight. I'd already seen it, but not in like... 3 years. It's about this guy that rigs the special olympics. Pretty damn funny.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to find someone to go to the mall with me so I can get a dress for my birthday party, and just actually hang out with somebody. I haven't seen anyone in weeks that a) I didn't work with, b) aren't in my family, c) I'm not in rehearsal with.

My mom took me to get a fill and a pedicure today. It was nice. Then we went to Best Buy to return something, and I think I mighttt have talked her into getting me a PS2 since I first asked for one when I was 7. Probably not though. If I haven't gotten one by now, I doubt I'll be getting one until I get out of college, have my own life, and have my own cash to buy it with. Boo.

I'm debating whether I feel like watching my West Side Story from 2 years ago... I think I will.

Current Tags: anger, annoyance, birthday, cars, family, friends, mall, media, mommy, movies, nails, ow, rehearsal, shopping, shows, stupid people, theater, west side story

Why the fuck won't people talk to me anymore. I talk to people, and they either don't respond, or they give me one word responses. No one ever calls/IMs/texts me first. It's always me. And if I leave a comment on their LJ, they respond to everyone elses, but not mine. And if I ask someone to hang out, they're always busy. But apparently not busy enough to go out with someone else the same day I asked them, when the person asked them after I did.

It feels like I'm fucking invisible.

And also, all these people RSVP-ed saying they were coming to my birthday. And now no one at all is coming.

Current Tags: anger, crying, friends, fucking pissed, lonely, people, rant, sad

I'm in a really bad mood right now, and I don't even know why. It's half sad, half cranky, and mostly pissed off. I don't even know why, but I totally just want to fucking rip someone's face off right now. And I'm really tired too. I just feel really bitchy and irritated. I think part of the reason might be that I've been on the verge of another asthma attack all day because of the humidity, and it's just making my chest hurt really bad and pissing me off.

I went to the Corn Hill festival with Ryan and his mom and dad today. He called me and woke me up and asked me if I wanted to go, and I'm like, sure. Haha.

First day at Pontillo's was today... It reminds me very very much of Times Square Pizzaria. The guys are all druggies, and perverted. At least they won't do the stuff at work like they did at TS. I don't care what you do on your own time, but I don't do drugs, and I won't tolerate them doing it in front of me anymore. The guys seem nice enough though, I guess... a lot of them are kinda really sketchy and weird. I'm the ONLY girl who works there. The only fucking one. Ugh... fail. But honestly, I really didn't do ANYTHING at all today. I answered the phone all of the 8 times that it rang all night, I mopped about 5 feet of floor, and they gave me ice cream. Um... easiest job ever.

After work, I went to my cousin's grad party, and then to Jeska's grad party and now I'm home. And feeling shitty and bitchy. Nrghhh.

Someone make me feel better.

Current Tags: anger, annoyance, bad mood, bitches, boyfriend, festival, irritated, jobs, party, rant, sadness

I realized that I never actually updated about when I went with Ryan to his cottage. So here's my update about it. And Motley Crue. And my new job.

Day One: Ryan's family picked me up and we went to Wegman to get food and stuff, and then headed off. What went from a 4 hour trip, ended up being an 8 hour trip because we stopped so many places to run errands and shit, on the way there. I fell asleep on the way there, and I dreamed that I was in the car with the Cullens (from Twilight), and that Mrs. McCullough was Alice, Ryan was Edward, Liam was Jasper, and Shane was Emmett. I guess that's what happens when I read Twilight before I go to sleep. But hey, I can't complain, it was cool. When we got there, I helped them bring their 3 ton boat down out of the shed, and attatch it to the van so we could bring it down to the water. I ended up pulling a muscle in my forearm because the boat started sliding down the gravel and I tried to grab it and I crippled myself. So afterwards, I went and played tennis with Ryan and Liam, which I'm sure did my arm a lot of good (not). We came back, and played hide and seek in the dark. I lost at nose-goes because I didn't know we were doing it, so I had to find the 3 boys first, but I found them really fast, and after that, I had such good hiding spots, I never had to seek again. My best ones were in a boat, in the shed, and under the van. Haha, win. We watched Talladega Nights, and then everyone went to bed. I read Twilight for a coupe hours, then went to sleep.

Day Two: Ryan woke me up very... nicely shall I say. He climbed into bed with me to cuddle, and then started kissing me and I woke up, and well... it was very nice. Hahaha. ;) We went downstairs after that, got breakfast, and then him and Mrs. McCullough went mountain biking, and left me, Liam, and Shane at the cottage. I forget why, but Liam came up in my room (he just turned 14, and Shane just turned 16), and I was getting ready to go lie out in the sun in my bikini, and he's like, "If you want to go tanning, go tanning on the roof". So I'm like oookay, and he opened my window, and then closed it so the bugs didn't get in. But then I was like... shit, I can't get back in. Eventually he opened the window again, just as Ryan and his mom were coming back, and I hear from downstairs, "LIAM. DID YOU PUT MY GIRLFRIEND ON THE ROOF?!?!?!?!!" and then "......Maybe". I laughed so hard. Then we jumped in the lake, dried off, and went in the motor boat with the whole family on a "three hour tour", which ended in us on some random island where we talked around in the fricken forest and got eaten by mosquitos and poison ivy monsters. I was in my bikini and it sucked. We hugged a huge tree, ate lunch on another island, and then went back. We tried to go tubing, but the tube sucked, so we played monopoly, I won by a long shot, even though Liam will say we tied, watched a movie, and went to bed.

Day Three: Ry jumped on my bed and woke me up, we ate breakfast, and him and Liam taught me some board game called Gobblet, which I was surprisingly good at. Then I was scarred for life when I walked in on shane in the bathroom because he left the door wide open. After that, we went tubing again with a new tube, and it was sooo much fun. We went canoeing, and then went driving to find the spot where Ryan's grandfather died. Shane had just gotten his permit, so he wanted to drive. Oh my god, I got so carsick it wasn't even funny. When we got back two fucking hours later, we fed ducks, watched a movie in my room, played LIFE, which I won again, watched the end of a Star Wars movie, and went to bed, so we could leave the next morning.

Also, I went to Crue fest. Motley Crue, Buckcherry, Papa Roach, Trapt, and Sixx AM. Sooo good. Buckcherry sucked ass, Papa Roach was good, Trapt was good, and Sixx AM I don't really know, but liked were good, too. And obviously Crue was amazing. I got really angry/disguisted when the girls were flashing the big screens, and when the videos on the screens were like... DISGUSTING but I guess that's what happens at rock concerts... ew. Gross. But other than that gross display of ew-ness, I had a good time. Lots of head banging and screaming. Yay, Motley Crue. My cousin Dawn and her boyfriend were the ones that drove me and Ryan there (it was at Darien Lake, a few hours away), and I don't even know her that well. I've seen her 3 times in my entire life, and she has a daughter my age, which is really weird. Also, her daughter is a bitch. But anyways, so she's old enough to be my mother, and I totally wish she was! She gave me some of her bacardi, and I was so pissed cuz she was in the 5th row, up against the stage, and me and Ryan were in the VERY LAST row of seats. At least we weren't on the lawn? Anyways. It was still fun. I should go to more concerts.

OH. I got (another) new job. Seeing as how I quit/got fired from Mark's Pizzaria. Here's the kicker... It's at Pontillo's Pizzaria. I applied there in JANUARY and they call me now. *Sigh*. I'm so sick of working in pizzarias! At least it's a job, right? But I'm going to this diner I applied to a few weeks ago, tomorrow to ask about my application again. I'd MUCH rather be a waitress than a pizza bitch anyday. Ugh. My third pizzaria. BLAHHH.

Current Tags: boyfriend, concerts, jobs, music, travel, vacations, work

I went to the Drive-In last night with Ryan, Calysta, Jeska, and Jessie. I'd never been before, so it was kinda cool to actually go to one. They show two movies at a Drive-In, and the intermission clip is the same one they've had since like, 1950. Haha. It's in the movie Grease, at their Drive-In, too. Haha. Anyways, we saw Wall-e, which I loved. It was so cute, it almost made me cry. Hahaha. Then we saw The Hulk, but I was half asleep by then, so I was kind of sleeping/watching it, and I really don't remember much. We were all pretty much asleep by then. Jessie and Calysta had already left. I didn't get home until 2am, and I didn't get to sleep until 4am. Blah!

I'm going to Ryan's cottage this weekend after 4th of July, and there's no cell phone service. D: Boo. Hopefully we'll be back by Wednesday, so we can go to the Motley Crue concert. *Crosses fingers*.

Current Tags: boyfriend, cottage, friends, holidays, movies, new things, sleepy, travel

I just remembered back to freshman year when Mrs. Brooks, our INSANE history teacher, told us about the country Djabouti (sp), and how hard we all laughed like crazy, and I just started crying. I'm so pathetic.

Lately, as I've said, I've had very very mixed feelings about college. I'm excited, I really am, but right now I'm so so so scared. I just looked out my bedroom window and thought, "Oh my God... two months from now, I'm not going to be living here anymore. This isn't going to be home anymore. I won't be living with my mommy." And I'm crying again. I don't WANT to be a little kid, but part of me really really wants to still be. I'm so scared to grow up. I know everyone says I'm going to looooove college, but I just think about how I get homesick sometimes at sleepovers, and I just want to come home and sleep in my own bed, but I can't do that anymore cuz I won't be living here. And for the rest of my life, this won't be home. I can't just come back. Eventually, I'll have my OWN house, and my OWN family, but it won't ever be here. I won't ever be a kid again. It won't be the same after August. I'm afraid to grow up, and for the first time, I really MEAN that I'm afraid.

You learn so much useless shit in high school, but they never teach you how to grow up. I learned how to do like.. taxes and stuff in math financial, but honestly, after I passed the course, how much of that am I actually going to remember 3, 4, 5 years from now? How am I going to buy a house? How am I going to raise a family? How am I going to raise a family? How the fuck am I going to get through college to say the least! I'm having a fucking panic attack!

Fuck, I want to be a kid again.

Current Tags: childhood, college, crying, family, future, high school, home, mommy, money, scared, school

Oh man, I'm exhausted. As I previously stated, my grad party was today, and although it rained part of the day, not an amazing amount of people showed up, and the tent people were 6 hours late, it still was very nice. I saw a lot of friends and family that I hadn't seen in a long long time. I'm very thankful to those of you who showed up. Thanks =]. Overall, I raked in 475 dollars (45 of it is Target money), and I'll be sure to attempt not to spend all of it on clothes... hahaha. I've got to save some too, right? Haha. I got a new ipod from my Uncle/Step-aunt/Cousins, but that's really my birthday present. I guess I'll take that one to school, and leave my old one at home. Ryan's family gave me a really pretty pink crystal necklace from this really expensive crystal place, and Tina got me a really nice sterling silver and 14 karot gold anklet. Thanks everyone! =D

Current Tags: college, family, friends, graduation, money, party, presents, target

I graduated from high school today. I'm not yet sure how I feel about it. Mixed feelings, I guess. Sometimes I'm really really excited, sometimes I'm terrified, sometimes I'm really sad, and sometimes I don't really know. It's emotionally exhausting, really...

My mom bought me a laptop as a graduation present. I'm on it right now. It's really nice.

Part of me just really really wants to skip all of summer and just go to college already. I don't want to dwell on all this shit here the rest of the summer... I don't know if I can take it physically and emotionally. Obviously, I have to though.

We had dinner at PF Changs (same place we're having dinner on my birthday next month). I love that place. On the way there, me and my aunt sat in the trunk of the Jeep, with the trunk window open and waved my diploma at people walking/driving by, and screamed "WOOOOOO CLASS OF 2008!!!!!! I GRADUATEDDDD!" Most people either honked their congratulations, waved, gave me the thumbs up, etc, but a few people were all bitchy about it. Psh. Fuck them. Haha. Then, I felt really bad about this, we distracted this guy on a bicycle, and he was on the sidewalk, and this truck came out of a driveway, and pretty much hit him. XD He was fine, so it's alright to laugh, but oh man, I felt horrible! Haha. Then my uncle got pissed at us, and at a red light, he got out of the car to close the trunk window so we couldn't yell anymore, so me and my aunt decided that that was the perfect time for a CHINESE FIREDRILL! Hahahaha. XD win. =P

Oh ya, earlier today I was really frustrated and stressed cuz I was trying to get everyone in our house to get to the car so we could leave for the Eastman Theater (where the graduation was), and I guess I kind of went crazy for a second, cuz I literally spent 5 whole minutes searching the house for my dad... it was really weird... I finally realized after a few minutes why I couldn't find him, and I almost started crying.

So ya, I'm bored now. My graduation party is this monday the 30th, so everyone should come to it. It's at my house from noon til whenever, and if you want to come, I'll give you my address. I really scared that it's going to be one of those things that like.. nobody shows up to, and I'll have all this food and I'll be like "wow, I really DON'T have any friends..." so please come? =]

Current Tags: college, computers, daddy, dinner, driving, emotions, excited, family, frustrated, funny, graduation, high school, party, sad, scared, stressed

My mommy made my bed for me today while I was out, and she put on the summer blankets and stuff, and tucked all the sheets in, and put an extra pillow on my bed so I have two instead of one. I think it's been... 3 years probably since I've slept in a bed where everything was tucked in, and the sheets were all tightly folded and I had two pillows. I'm excited to go crawl into bed now. ^_^