"Shelter from the Storm" has been playing in my head for the past week. It seems very appropriate.

I'm home and I'm done. Most of my stuff is put away and the rest of it is in the middle of the floor, but that's all for tomorrow. I am so happy to be back.

I am so not focused right now.

It's sunny in my room, which just makes me want to take a nap in the sun. But that's a little bit different than studying calc and evolution, which is what I should be doing.

It's been dawning on me over the last week that there are lots of people I won't see for quite a while. I might be back in the spring at some point for a visit, but it's by no means definite. And Marta's going away next fall, so I won't even see her for over a year maybe. :-P I don't know what I'm going to do without her for a whole year.
Meeting people right before you leave when they'll graduate soon is stupid. Nice, but stupid.

Ok. Study carrel, reading, then tea. And a walk. And then my calc final.

I'm almost done.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE,
WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
Put it on shuffle
Press play
For every question, type the song that's playing
When you go to a new question, press the next button
Don't lie.



Opening Credits
If you can't dance

Waking Up
The merry sisters of fate--Lunasa

First Day at School
Platform 9 3/4--Harry and the Potters

Falling in Love
The Middle--Jimmy Eat World


Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own (on your own)
So don't buy in.
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else

Fight Song
Lost in a Crowd--Rusted Root

Breaking Up
Porcelain--Moby

Prom
The Bouquet--Ani Difranco

Life
Fig for a kiss/Kid on the mountain/The humors of whiskey

Mental Break Down
Me and Bobby McGee--Janis Joplin

Driving
Morning Glory--Oasis

Flashback
Heroin is so passe--the Dandy Warhols

Getting Back Together
Cecelia--Simon and Garfunkle

hah.

hah.

Wedding
The man of Metropolis Steals our Hearts--Sufjan Stevens

Birth of a child
I don't know--We're about 9

Final Battle
The General--Dispatch

Death Scene
At My Most Beautiful--R.E.M.

Maybe this is why I haven't listened to this in ages.

Funeral Song
Rainy Day--Guster

Ending Credits
This year's love--David Gray

I don't understand people. But I like them.

Last week at dinner, one day when I was particularly stressed out, Emily Spence and I, who I barely know at all, got into a conversation about our respective future prospects. It cheered me up greatly. Viktor, who I haven't talked to since July, sent me a very Viktor-esque message, which also cheered me up greatly. Stephanie just happened to quote Bob Dylan in a post, which reminded me that that's exactly what I want to hear right now.

I have an interview on Thursday for a scholarship/internship thing... I'm nervous. It's a big deal and I would be really really thrilled to get it. I spent about 7 hours translating angry poetry yesterday. Note to self: don't do that again. I might anyway, though, since the portfolio's due next Monday.

I'm so ready to be done with this semester. I desperately need a break.

math book: 4
emma: 6

this means I win.

I have NPR in my room!!
This makes my week. Absolutely.

Of course, if the dragons of Blueland were to appear suddenly in Tappan square, that would top it.

I've started playing my violin again. After more than two years, it's a bit funny to come back to it, but I'm also really enjoying if for the first time in even longer. The first day I got it out, I had this intense phyiscal reaction to it... my heart started pounding, my stomach clenched up, I stopped breathing normally... remnants of the stress of lessons, methinks. But that's all gone now. It's kinda nice. I think it helps that I'm working on learning fiddle tunes, not Bach.

I really want to go back to Montreal.

I am eternally grateful to the West Reading Dojo for being a constant reminder of what aikido training can be, even if it isn't that at Oberlin. There are no egos (or not many) and so much more joy in the training. No one is out to prove anything. Training there every once and a while gives me the energy to train in good spirit in Oberlin.

The reality of going to sea is starting to sink in...
as is the reality that after this, I'll only be in Oberlin for one year. Two semesters.
And then what?


Life is good.
I'm making pizza tonight.
Pizza night, the best night of the week.

Aikido last night was really frustrating.
**Aikido prac­tice, done correctly, is strenuous, but not violent; demand­ing, but not rough.**
This is not how things go Monday nights, very often. It's not exactly violent, but rather rough. I got smacked in the nose very hard last night and hit in the face, too. Someone's kotegaeshi is really painful. It's really unnecessary. I've had techniques practiced on me much more gently and much more effectively. Muscle is not how it works best. Practicing with Jaye the other day, her technique was remarkably effective *and* completely painless. Add the fact that it's the latest practice of the week, I'm already really tired and I just get sleepy, it's all I can do to grit my teeth and not just leave the mat. I don't like getting hurt. Plain old bruises would even be preferable. I reeeeeeally don't like getting hit in the face.
That said, I'm doing a much better job training for myself this semester, I think. Not getting flustered by people and keeping my own ego from flaring up in response to others' too much. Or... better than last year, anyway.

The West Reading Aikikai was really wonderful and really helped me get back into it. They train to train, their training is...joyful, really. There's not a better word for it. I'm really excited to train there over break.

Cell molec is tomorrow and I'm feeling ok about it. I really dislike the first test of a class, since I never know what to expect. Blarhg.

I'm re-reading the Hobbit. It's so nice and comforting. Bilbo is such a familiar person.

Oh! I now am the tentative owner of a cell phone. It's weird. But hardly anyone here has a room phone anymore. So it makes sense. But it's still weird to have this...thing that I've resisted for so long. It's useful, but I don't exactly like it. The first time I turned it on, it beeped really REALLY loudly in my ear. We've been on better terms since then. One day, that is. But! if you want my number, comment and I'll give it to you if I haven't already, since I don't feel like posting it here for the whole world to see.

Ok. Studying for real.

Goodnight.

I love meeting people!
Last week I was wearing my CLV staff jacket and someone randomly came up to me and said, I haven't seen one of those in a long time, which one did you work at? She'd worked at the Swedish and the Japanese camps before, so we chatted for a while about camp. I forgot to ask her name, but I see her around all the time.
I've got an alumni interview for SEA coming up with this girl who I think was in my marine science class last year who just got back from a SEA semester annnd... it's exciting. She signed her e-mail Fair Winds, which made me really happy.
Pyle, instead of the reputed cliques, has been the source of more new aquaintances in the past month than all last year. And I'm getting to know some people better.

The word eye has suddenly become very strange looking.
eye
eye
Eye
EYE

Eeyore



I went to a workshop on alternative menstrual products with Marta today. It was very interesting and I learned quite a bit more about things I was sort of aware of, but not really and figured out what the problem with my keeper is, most likely. Most of all though, it was quite a different sort of situation than any I've been in ever. It was a whole bunch of women sitting around talking about what to do about their periods, asking questions, a little awkward at first, especially walking into the room... In a way, it was what the Vagina Monologues are about, but not on stage. And I learned that the FDA doesn't require that the components of tampons be labled, so it could be mostly synthetic stuff... and that they also consider tampons "for external use" which is weird, but I think I want to check up on that...I don't know if I quite buy that, but I did find on the FDA website that they don't consider changing the ratios of absorbant materials pertinent health information.

Anyway. I'm doing homework. Lots of it.

I am back in the real world once again. I think I like Waldsee better. I miss speaking Deunglish with the other Betreuer. I miss just about everything about camp. The sleep deprivation, the "late night" under-21 partys, the kids, even the complete wackos and there were enough of those, my Familie, the lake, canoeing almost whenever we felt like it, the Betreuerenergie/Begeisterung that was the only thing to get us through a day sometimes, the houses, the Strand, die Küche, free hours, Münchener Abend. It was stupendous.
Driving to the airport with Knirps, Anna and her mom was totally strange. I caught myslef inserting random German words into a perfectly normal sentence. and speaking english with them was weird too.
How to put a month into words...

The website looks pretty sweet this year, too. Berndt put up lots of pictures, though I haven´t yet figured out where they´re actually stored, so I can´t yoink them just yet.

Plans for the rest of this summer are very vague at the moment. I intend to do a good bit of calc review, go kayaking!! visit montreal, possibly other places too. Perhaps I´ll even be able to find a job for part of the rest of the summer. Oh, and sort out some study abroad stuff. And try to figure out what I want to do with my life.

And I´ll sleep lots.

I played Stassi in a holocaust simulation game. This game was intense. No explaination I give will do it justice. I´ll try later, though.
Our camping trip with four kids got rained, winded and thundered out and we were picked up at 2:30 in the morning. Up until then, it was sweeeet.
I made a Grover mask.
I played one of the seven little goats in a fairy tale.
Deutschland ist verloren. :-( Die Stimmung gestern war mehr als ein bisschen traurig.
Stayed up way too late watching Das Goldene Kind with the other Betreuer.
Made nature print T-shirts.
Dada Tag!
The theme of Waldsee Cafe was Piraten and then punk and then...lots of other stuff.
Raided the kitchen at the late, late hour of 11:30.
Woke up five minutes before the bell for Morgenkreis.
Met people from the Arabic camp, who are coming here after us. I can now say bread and chesse in Arabic.
Got bit by lots of mosquitos.
Sang "I wanna hold your hand" in German. Learned drinking songs with 10 year olds. Sang "Alt wie ein Baum" and "Nur ein Wort" my two favorites.
Decided I have to come back here.
Watched fireworks from the lake singing "this land is your land" with Hans. Hans is about 12.

Hello all my dears! So, I´ve decided it´s time for an update. The keyboard is a German one, so if there are any really stupid typos I make, I´m blaming it all on that. I am now in dear old Waldsee, sitting in the office surrounded by wonderful people I didn´t know existed a week ago. It´s pretty cool. We´ve had a week of orientation and training and what not, some of it good, some of it pretty silly and the kids get here tomorrow. whheeeeeeeee.

I need to hide all of my Smugelwaren before the kids come and accuse me of having english books and candy (which I definitely do). I´ve gotten a bit of a sunburn on my face. I´m doing the environmental program with one group of kids. Yesterday, we had a free afternoon, so we all went into "town" aka Detroit Lakes and hung around at the one restaurant for a while, then tried to go bowling, ended up at Dairy Queen and wandered around WalMart until about 11. Camp is slowly but surely shifting my schedule back from the strangeness of college life to going to bed well before midnight and getting up before 8 and feeling ok about it.

Ich fühle mich total wohl heir. Diese sind ins gesamt die nettste, echtste Gruppe von Menschen, die ich kenne.

I´m reading Life of Pi and it´s quite the right thing to read at the moment.

The lake is beautiful.
Last night walking back from the bathroom a whip-poor-will called out in the dark. And then there was a barred owl outside my cabin. People say that owls and all the ohter night sounds are erie, but to me it is more like someone saying goodnight.

And on that note, I´m off to brush my teeth and go to bed.
Sleep well.

If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe teh root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to somehitng shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider--
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give--yes or no, or maybe--
should be clear: the darkenss around us is deep.


William Stafford

since I'm awake and not sleepy and I've seen more than a couple of these on my friends page...
Six weird habits/facts about me:

1. I really really don't like sleeping on the first floor. I get freaked out about people peering in my windows (in spite of the blinds) or breaking in and finding themselves in my room. And all the creaky-house noises seem much louder down here.

2. I had a bottle cap collection once upon a time. I was the only 10 year old you know who had at least fifty different types of beer bottle tops.

3. I can make my vision go blurry without squinting or anything. Just look at something and then unfocus my eyes. It's very helpful when looking at those paintings made up of dots (I don't remember the guy's name...) Until a couple years ago, I thought everyone could do this.

4. Reciting lists to myself sometimes helps me fall asleep (often lists I had to memeorize. Usually for a bio class or something. Elements, orders of birds...)

5. I have a very hard time functioning in my room if I can't see the floor. It doesn't matter much if everything is piled on the bed, just so long as I can walk over the whole floor without stepping on stuff.

6. Beets and brussel sprouts are the only simple foods I can think of that I categorically don't like.

It is 10:40 on a Monday night and there is NO WONKY in 20 minutes. What am I going to do???

in other news:
finals
papers
finishing Faust
meetings
going home!

If you haven't heard any of We're About 9, you should find some to listen to. They were so much fun last night. I was also very impressed by the student acts I heard, Eli Conley (Neverland was amazing!) and The Border line were great.

So was the contra. I called two dances, and having it in Peters was way cool, if late.

Now I'm trying very hard not to get sick for real. And to finish my paper.

The only difference I can think of between today and yesterday is caffine. It would appear that I am actually habituated to a chemical. For some reason, I find this rather amusing.