It's · like · a · war · inside · of · me...

When I am stressed, I don't eat.

And now I find out when I'm stressed AND sad, I don't eat.

But when I'm sad, I eat.

Figure that one out.

In any case, I am ordering in some DeNiro's (sub and pizza shop about two minutes away) and I'm going to eat.

I am stressed out about my aunt. I HATE hearing my mother cry. Have I said that lately?! HATE.IT. The woman drives me bonkers, as we all know. She is FAR from perfect. But she is still my Mom and I love her a great deal. I hate seeing her hurt. I hate that Aunt Jane and the rest of my family hurt too.

Jane (my sister) just texted me to see if I'm okay and to tell me she is worried about me. That's really sweet of her. I told her I'd call them in a few hours.

And I have yet another family issue... so I need some advice on that, but I'm going to let these sad feelings quell a little bit. I need more information about my aunt's condition before I can really respond in any way besides crying, ya know?

My Aunt Jane just sent me an email.

She has malignant melanoma. They have not yet discovered the primary site, but due to the size and "depth of involvment with the nodule" they are very concerned.

I, personally, am okay. Trying not to cry. As annoyed as I've been with Aunt Jane lately, she is still one of my favorite people on this planet and I still have mad respect and love for her.

So if you could keep her in your thoughts/prayers/meditations/whatever, we would all greatly appreciate it.

I am so fucking SICK OF CANCER, I could literally sit here and scream. Fourth fucking relative in as many years.

Nothing much to report. We are working from home today. I have a kitten purring away on my lap - a girl could get used to this, heh.

Ghost Hunters last night was awesome. Andrew fell asleep on my lap during Destination Truth, which is a rarity. I'm usually the one falling asleep on him, but he had a really shitty and tiring day yesterday.

I'm grumpy. No real reason why, just sort of meh today.

I am interested in watching the VP debates tonight.

I am going to remember to watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. One of Andrew's coworkers has a bunch of episodes he downloaded, so Andrew is going to borrow them to copy.

I feel so badly for Andrew. He is out on on-sites for 6-7 hours a day and most of the time, when he gets back to the shop, everyone else is there goofing off - either watching TV or BBQing - BOSS/OWNER INCLUDED. So, of course, he feels like shit. Like, "WTF? I'm out there all damn day WORKING and doing on-sites and HELPING CUSTOMERS and all YOU people do is sit around, watch TV, and grill."

He's very very frustrated there. I cannot say I blame him.

Other than that, no news my way. Same shit, different day. (Hey, that rhymed!)

I went into the office yesterday and everything is a mess. Our offices on the first floor are mostly just wet and smelly. It smelled like straight up ASS in there. Everything is pulled away from the walls.

The third floor suite is even worse. The assholes set a chair on fire. They stole files from this chick who works there. It's pretty bad. I was there for three hours yesterday till they sent us home. The bosses are having a meeting as I type this to figure out our game plan for the rest of the week. The offices should be back to normal by Monday or so.

So now I'm waiting for a phone call to see what they want me to do. I'd rather stay home today and go in tomorrow and/or Friday, but I'll do whatever they tell me to do, I guess.

It's all very surreal, to say the least. I feel badly for people who actually had their stuff destroyed by this whole mess.

Came home, had a few minutes to chill, and then I was right back on the computer doing work.

Then 1:30 hit. Along with the mother of all migraines. I was down and out from about 2-6. Andrew rushed home from work to bring me extra-strength Benedryl (my only cure for my migraines - sleep it off). I slept till after 6. Then he brought home a Whopper and onion rings from Burger King for me.

I love that boy. I called him about 80 times till he figured out it was an emergency and answered (he was talking to a customer and didn't want to interrupt that conversation to answer his cell phone... figured out it was urgent when I kept calling him). He simply said, "What do you need?" I told him. He was home with the medicine within 20 minutes. Brought me some water, helped me to the sofa so I could sit up till I was ready to pass back out. Then took me back to bed when I was ready. Yes. I'm keeping this one. I think we've established this. Sorry, ladies. ;)

Anyways, my family has postponed their visit AGAIN. This time they forgot that one of their old neighbors is having an open house at their new place up in Gettysburg. So I was asked if they could come on Sunday instead of Saturday like we planned.

Yes, I am being blown off for some old neighbors of theirs. Granted, they're all great friends (came to my sister's wedding, the whole nine yards), but still. I felt lame when my mom asked that. I should've said no, come on Saturday like we've BEEN FUCKING PLANNING, but I am a wuss who doesn't want to fight with my mother anymore than necessary.

I'm going to be catching up on my friends list soon, methinks. Just gotta figure out what's what with work. Hope you all are doing well though. :)

Athena went back to the vet today for her final distemper shot.

She now weighs 7 pounds. The vet was pleased, as she is up from 5.3 pounds just about 6 weeks ago. What a cutie. :) Her purring is so loud she's practically drowning out the music I have going. Then again, I'm listening to Belle and Sebastian right now ("We Rule The School"), so that's not too hard, heh.

Weekend was excellent, as per usual.

Andrew took me out to dinner on Saturday night. We went to the Silver Spring Mining Company on Belair Road. SO GOOD, HOLY HELL. I had this chicken and shrimp pasta that was DA BOMB. And then cheesecake for dessert. We went home and watched "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay." We both agreed it was one of the very rare times that the sequel was BETTER than the first one!!! We laughed almost non-stop. :) We had a blast. It was a nice little date-night and much needed after some stresses earlier on in the week.

Sunday was spent in Germantown. Mom, Jane, and I discussed wedding plans. Dad pulled me aside to ask me to do it Catholic, saying he and Mom wanted it that way.

Yeah, Dad. Right. YOU want it that way. I just bet. Then why did you tell Andrew last weekend that you didn't care if it was Catholic or not? Why did you email me a week before that and tell me you didn't care if it's Catholic?

So I told him no. This is OUR wedding. He said, "Well, if we pay for part of it, WE get a say!" I told him if that was the way it was going to be, we didn't need their money to pay for it. He wants to avoid World War Three between my mother and me. I told him, chances are, it's going to be unavoidable. I will not back down on this. I told him I am NOT going to do this Catholic just to make my mother happy. Not cool, I'm sorry. And I'm tired of him getting on my case about this.

As Andrew said when we left - "They're always on your ass about SOMETHING when we go over there to visit. I've noticed that lately." And it's true. And then they wonder why I don't want to go over there sometimes. If it's not money, it's my car. If it's not wedding stuff, it's getting on my case about moving some of my old boxes out of there. Bear in mind, these boxes hold old toys from my childhood and BOOKS from my childhood. Uhhh, okay.

Anyways, yeah. We went home and chilled the rest of the night. Sleeping in this morning (till 9:30 or so!) was nice.

Oh and Azrael does NOT have worms, so it appears that only Athena had that problem. So I guess it's just as well Azrael wouldn't let us give her the worm medicine, heh.

Oh hey, Mudvayne's on now. Nice.

Andrew and I spent much of it fighting. I had some resentment building about one or two things - little things, yes - but that doesn't make them any less valid on my part.

Regardless, we were okay by about 9. I ordered us in some food and we cuddled up on the sofa and watched some TV. Both of us were ready for bed by about 11.

My mom and sister are on their way to PA today for the funeral. I think it's tomorrow morning and all they're doing is a viewing and mass. I hope they're okay driving in this weather - it's rainy and windy out there. So bad that it woke me up this morning around 5-something. Maybe they'll decide not to go, but I have no idea.

So the plan is for Andrew and me to go over there on Sunday for a visit. Jane is staying through the 6th now (first it was the 1st, then the 5th, and now the 6th). So they're going to come to our place a week from tomorrow. Not to sound bitchy, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Athena has a new game with Azrael. It's "wait-somewhere-in-hiding-and-when-the-other-kitty-walks-by-jump-on-her-head." It is SO funny. But I took pity on Azrael earlier this morning and kept Athena on my lap for a few extra minutes. Although Azrael is not Ms. Innocent - I saw HER chasing Athena through the apartment last night.

At least it's Friday though, right?

My car is going to the shop tomorrow for its 20,000-mile checkup. So weird. I drove it off the lot with 4.5 miles on it about 18 months ago. It's going to cost me $220, but at least I'll know that the work is being done right, ya know? Plus those guys up at the Heritage Honda dealership (the one on Harford Road, for you locals, near the 695 exits) treat me SO well. I like going there. I emailed Michelle about giving me a ride home or chillin' afterwards because the work will take at least two hours. And Andrew will be at work.

If nothing else, these fights with Andrew show me a few things:

A. No matter how bad it gets, we'll always make up. And making up is the best part of fighting.

B. No matter how bad it gets, he won't call me names or make fun of me for feeling the way I do or crying.

C. No matter how bad it gets, I love him just as much and as fiercely as I do when we're NOT fighting.

The other thing I love is fights like these are SO rare. We get into it like this maybe once every 3-4 months, which (oddly enough), I see as being healthy. Gotta get out that pent-up anger somehow, if it's there. If this was a once-a-week deal, I think I'd be out of the relationship.

Fortunately for me, he is just as sensitive as I am about these things. Yes, ladies, he WILL cry. He'll probably kill me if he knew I typed that up on LJ for the whole world to see, but he is so in touch with his emotions, it's unbelievable. The other big thing? He apologizes. FIRST, sometimes, if he knows he really fucked up.

So it's nice. He's mature, he knows how he feels, he ALLOWS himself to feel it, and he's not afraid to show me that he, too, can be vulnerable.

It took some reassurance for both of us last night to realize this fight was not the end of the world. Another great thing is I've never EVER thought to myself, "Ya know, he's pissing me off. I think I should break up with him." That thought doesn't cross my mind either, no matter how upset I am.

In any case, I'm babbling now. There's not much to do around here. I'm tired. I'm ready for the weekend. I can leave at 5:45 because I got here early. I thought traffic would be way worse than it actually was. Heh.

Same shit, different day.

Back at work. Weather outside is wretched. We're due for some really high winds and some bad rain. Flood warnings like whoa. Should be interesting driving home from work this evening. Andrew is supposed to go chill with his friend Heather after work, but no definite plans as of yet.

I got into touch with Michelle's brother's girlfriend Amanda to discuss the possiblity of doing our ceremony/reception at the Radisson at Cross Keys. I asked her to email me pictures of the ballroom. Still no email from her yet, but I'm not impatient. We have to start our guest list soon, at the very least, so we know what we're dealing with in terms of size. I emailed Carol (Andrew's mom) to talk about his side of the family/friends and to get her help with the list. So we'll see. I haven't heard back from her either. I'm not really sure this is her "thing." She suggested last week when we saw them that we do something small. In her words, "Robin had a big ceremony and was divorced two years later. Amy had a ceremony in front of a justice of the peace and is still married." Um, yeah. Just because it worked that way for your two daughters does NOT mean it's going to be that way with Andrew and me. She also seemed weirded out when I told her my sister is already on the ball with planning my bridal shower and offering suggestions about the wedding.

Whatever. Like every aspect of my life, I'm going to do this MY way. Andrew's way too, of course.

Weekend plans are now up in the air. Mom, Dad, Jane, and AJ might come on October 4 instead of this Friday because Mom and Jane might be going up to PA again for that funeral on Saturday and Jane doesn't want AJ to have to do too many car rides in one weekend, which is definitely understandable. I'm still sometimes getting the distinct impression that they're not all that interested in seeing the apartment. Oh well.

My arms are aching and I have no clue why.

Blah. One more day till the weekend.

My mom's cousin Dave died today. He was 45. Two small kids. Something to do with some stomach problems he was having. They thought it was just indigestion, but no. He keeled over and passed away very suddenly.

The weekend visit is up in the air as a result. I told my mom to keep me posted. She's sick too - has a really bad cold.

Jane's trip has been extended. They were supposed to leave October 1, but they are now leaving October 5. So I'm sure we'll be going there a week from this Saturday to say our goodbyes. Must remind Andrew to tell the shop he won't be in that day.

Last night was lovely. We had an unexpected visit from Michelle and CJ. The boys played video games, us gals sat and gossiped about this and that.

I'm at work till 6:30 this evening. I went home early yesterday... I thought I was getting a cold or having some allergy issues, but other than a headache this morning, I'm fine. Andrew left work early too - he wasn't feeling well either. But we're both fine today, thank the gods.

Wedding plans are still irking me. I just want this Catholic-fight with my mom to start and be OVER WITH so we can start planning our cheap-but-non-Catholic ceremony.

I think I'm getting sick. It's either allergies or a cold, but either way, it's full of suck.

So I might leave early. Go home and rest for the night. We don't have any plans. Andrew's buddy who lives in Afghanistan was in town (he had another military buddy die over in Iraq, which is so freakin' sad because Andrew thinks he knows the guy too), but I think he's on his way out of the US at this point to go back there.

And if he is not, then he can come by no problem. I'll say hi to him and then excuse myself to hole up in the bedroom. Either way is fine.

And that's all I got right now. I haven't had anything to do since 10:38 this morning. That's almost five hours. Wheee!!!