...When Linda Eder sings "Man of La Mancha"...

I get shivers. God, she's good.

Your Character’s Alignment

Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Lawful Neutral.

Lawful Neutral

A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs her. Order and organization are paramount to her. She may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or she may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. The common phrase for lawful neutral is "true lawful." Lawful neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you are reliable and honorable without being a zealot.

--excerpted from the Player’s Handbook, Chapter 6

Link: http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20001222b

My father has "nasty" down to an art form.

Makes sense. Though... I never drink this type of coffee.

( I'm Spiderman! )

...I really would rather be doing a dozen other things right now - posting a real post to LJ, making the new characters that are bopping in my head for Azulie, looking up alternative winter breaks, RELAXING - but I don't understand lenses and mirrors. Well, I KIND of get them, but somehow I always end up getting really frustrated when my one-headed arrow ends up with two different heads and pointing the in the wrong direction. (So, I guess I don't really get them?)

Plus I'm dirty (not really, but I want to shower)... so since I feel incredibly gross, I'm going to go scald my skin with glorious hot water. Wish me luck on my exam tomorrow! I'm going to need it!

<3<3<3 & c(__),
DG

There's actually a lot I want to write about - school, life, the Japan trip that exploded in my face and caused much angst - but I don't exactly have the time right now. I have a physics test on Monday, so I'm studying for that (though, now that I think about it, I think I'm going to be done for the night; I finished 2/3 chapters...)... Life's just nuts. In a neutral way.

I took the test that everyone's been taking (as you can see below); to an extent I think it's true. The fact that the in-detail report says I'm slightly neurotic worries me, but whatever! I don't think I'm -that- crazy. Just crazy enough. <3

( If all your friends jumped off a cliff... )

Anyway, I'm going to head off and... who knows. Do something hopefully relaxing? I have a huge headache and it'd be really nice if it went away. (On that note, I should pick up some more Prachett books from the library so I don't spend my entire time either staring at a screen or a textbook...)

Ta darlings.

<3<3<3 & c(__),

DG

While I wanted to discuss more about the issues in my last post (and properly thank everyone for their support), I had to take this quiz. I first laughed when I saw the results, but maybe it has something going for it...?

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

...It's really hard to find someone good to talk to when you need them. Most people can be horribly insensitive or just plain dumb... and, really, you end feeling worse than when you started. I'm so tired of people, at this moment. I just... really need someone neutral to talk to. Not someone who will tell me what I should do or "boohoo get over it," just someone who will LISTEN and try to give me the advice I need. And not vanish mid-convo.

I have so much going on in my head I feel like I might explode.

( 101 Reasons Why I'm Gonna Pop )

In other news, I really recommend Terry Prachett's Maskerade. It's funny and made me laugh. Most of his works are godly. Also, The Golden Compass is really good... at least, so far. I think I'm in love with Tony Costa there. And then there's Takuya, from UVERworld, who has earned my slavish devotion.

... I have a Physics 2 exam next week. No formula sheet.

I better start studying.

<3<3<3 & c(__),
DG

The song "Good Bye Days," by Yui, makes me cry. A lot. Reading the synopsis of the movie it is from ("Taiyo no Uta" / Midnight Sun in America, I think) on Wikipedia makes me cry. A lot. These two things have been added to a long list of things that make me cry (a lot).

In short, I am a sap.

GO SAPS!

<3<3<3 & c(__),
DG

Something I have noticed... I take constructive criticism well (level of "well" depending on how proud I am of my work). HOWEVER, I take regular criticism very harshly. If I feel I have been attacked, especially by someone I like, I hold it in for a long time and I get very irritable. When I have spare moments, I dwell on it... and it upsets me. Then other things upset me. It's a bad chain reaction.

Bad moods are infectious.

So I shall say this straight out: to the two or three people who have been constantly attacking me with their ridiculously non-helpful criticisms... stop. Yes, it sometimes seems like I have no spine and I take all you dish out... but this only means that, when I do lash out, I overreact. You may not notice it, but it's all building up.

And when I pop, I will EASILY say "FUCK YOU" and move on with my life.

That means the game will go too. I don't need constant bitching about that. I'm doing it for YOU; I'll be just as happy without it. (And yes, to all those out there who have no idea what I'm talking about... it's about a game. A silly thing, but when I do a favor for people, I do not expect any shit about it. Constructive? Sure. Attacking? Fuck no.)

-DG

So the first week of school is over... funny how, all ready, I'm exhausted. I think I've become so used to having January off that actually WORKING through it makes me feel like I need a month off. My brains are exhausted~!

I'm taking 16 credits this semester. It's a bit less than normal, of course, but with 5 credit courses, I'm no longer taking chances. I have Physics 2 (with a woman with a heavy Russian accent; this is fine for my Russian friends, but not for me!), English 52 (the guy seems all right, but I'm kind of disappointed in the syllabus; I've read a lot of the works before), Microbiology (it seems OK - Crispy is there, which makes me happy), the internship (YAY for figuring out QUARK is less than five minutes!), and now English 79.7 - a seminar on children's literature, with one of my FAVORITE English teachers EVER. I originally was supposed to take Shaping of the Modern World, but I dropped it... the class was ridiculously full (I swear, over 40 people) and it was way too much work for a required course. My goal this semester is to PULL UP my average without losing my sanity over it.

Besides that, everything seems to be going all right. Having hell purchasing my books - some of them are RIDICULOUSLY expensive - and hoping I can get through the semester in one piece. I have to get up at 6 every morning though... which I hate. DG = NOT a morning person.

I've been struggling with a couple of personal things as well; I hate when I get like this... because I know on the TIP of my tongue is something very, very stupid. And i hate when I say things irrationally - it severely bothers me. But GAH I can't live like this anymore. THE SOAPS! The SOOOOOOAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!

By the way, I know these two people don't read this, but I'm saying it anyway (so all of you can be my witness): if you don't post I'm going to say EFF J0 and move on. Excuses, excuses, excuses. I am TIRED of excuses. HELLO? Do I LOOK like someone who deals well with bullshit? Ah, no. And, if you have any complaints, you can take them and shove them right up your anus <3

And that's it! My own pet project is moving along rather nicely, which I'm happy for, and I'm rather happy with where I stand THERE. I've also decided to try and cut back on the Internet a bit (it's starting to bother my eyes) and READ more! Currently reading THE FIFTH ELEPHANT, which is hysterical (and it's in caps because I couldn't be bothered putting in the HTML for an underline). Anything else, anything else...?

Eh, I can't think of anything. I'm sure there's more... but yeah. POOF. No brains.

I plan on studying tomorrow though, which is good. MOTIVATION is hard to come by and I can't start this semester the wrong way! MANY GOALS! Many dreams! w00t!

<3<3<3 & c(__),
DG

(Snow Fae put this, and it's not a part of the quiz, but I'm gonna put it anyway: I'm type B+ blood! This reminds me I have to donate blood, so hmm... Better go do that soon!)

Part 1: How I Came To Be

-Were your parents married when you were born?: Yes, for a few years.
-What is your birthday?: December 28th, I'm quite the Capricorn at times. (HAH! I didn't have to change her answer! BWAHA!)

Part 2: My Family

-How would you describe your family?: Crazy. Kind of like politics. But pretty good.
-Are your parents married, divorced or separated?: They were married; Mummie passed away.
-If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?: Oldest aka the example aka the responsible one (Again I didn't have to change...)
-What are your siblings names?: Tahera, but better known as Henachoko Taichou!
-Which parent do you get along with best?: Always been my daddy!
-Do you have step parents?: Nope! (Again not changed...)

Part 3: The Friends

-Do you have more than one best friend?: Hmm... Different best friends for different situations.
-Who is(are) your best friend(s)?: Stine (when she's not being crazy), Stina (same), Winnie, Monica. Also all my online BFFLS!!!
-What do you like to do when you are together?: Different things! Usually just hang out.
-Which friend can you tell anything to?: Winnie! Definitely.

Part 4: Your Personality

-How high/low is your self esteem?: Depends on the day, really. ^^;
-Do you get depressed about things easily?: Actually, I can be. I try not to sweat the small stuff, and roll with the big things, but I'm still extremely twitchy and obsess over things. >.> If not outwardly, then inwardly.
-Do you live life to the fullest?: To me, "fullest" implies doing crazy things. If I lived life to the fullest, I'd be running in the Grand Prix (as it is my childhood dream). So no - because I rather be a SAFE person.

Part 5: Appearance

-Are you comfortable with the way you look?: Depends on the day. ^^;
-Do you have any piercings?: My ears are pierced.
-How do you dress?: With dignity!

Part 6: The Past

-Were you a strange child?: I think so. I didn't like "typical" things.
-What did you use to love that you no longer do?: Thomas the Tank Engine? O.o I just outgrew that, but I've kept most of my interests... I also quit sticker collecting...
-Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?: One or two things ^^; Nothing too dramatic, but enough to stick with me years later.

Part 7: The Future

-What is your ambition?: To be happy. I've stopped giving a shit about money; I just want to be comfortable.
-Do you want to get married?: Yeah.

Part 8: The Outdoors

-Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: Indoors.
-Favorite season: Winter (especially the Christmas season!)
-Favorite weather?: Cool, slightly breezy - think an early spring day or late fall.
-Do you like walking in the rain?: HELL NO. I HATE getting wet.

Part 9: Food

-Are you a vegetarian?: No
-What is your favorite food?: I have to pick? Uh... lotsa things, but especially sweet food.
-What food makes you want to gag?: Mayo. Mustard. Other gross foods like BRAINZ.
-What is your favorite dessert?: Again, I have to pick? Desatinos are nice...
-What is your favorite restaurant?: Current love: Pan-Asia (Snow Fae probably knows this one!), though I also like Trattoria Romana on Hylan. And Go-Go Souvlaki King. >.> AND there's that place in Chinatown Winnie and I go to... and stuff our faces every time...
-Are you a fussy eater?: Usually not, but I CAN be.

Part 10: Relationships and Love

-Are you single or taken?: Single.
-If taken who is the lucky boy/girl?:
-Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: Possibly.
-Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes <3

<3<3<3 & c(__),
DG

I haven't posted in this thing in a while; it's not that I didn't have anything to post... it's just that... I couldn't be bothered posting.

The semester ended rather horribly (again), though the holidays were good. The sister loved her presents, and the family surprised me with a new laptop for my birthday (needed and loved). I... don't feel 20. I don't think I'm 20. But I feel old. Old and tired... sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed. Then I realize that... if it's true, it's not like I'd do anything about it anyway. I have no time for therapists and things that make me happy. I do what I must, and cram in as much enjoyment as I can. But I can't be so carefree anymore.

I screwed up. The worst thing about being intelligent is that people hold you up to a certain standard - OH, she's so smart, she gets great grades and everything. She can't fail. If she says she's failed, she's exaggerating. I know she can do it!

Well... sometimes... she can't.

( Rantings and Ravings. And Crap. )

In better news... the winter course is going well. I did pretty well in physics too, which is a triumph (my efforts were, obviously, concentrated there). Evolution wasn't as well as I wanted, but whatever. I... need to figure out something. Need to sort out my life.

In a way, I hate those who screw school and just get a job. I can admit I sometimes scorn them for not getting an education... but I really hate how in-control some of them are. They, at least, have an idea of what they're doing in life.

<3<3<3 & c(__),

DG

1) I haven't spoken to a lot of people in forever. One of the more astounding ones is Drac - if you read, I miss you muchly and expect an IM (if I don't grab you first). Other people include SSK, Ocha-momma, Uncle Wolfie, and Mizu. Though Mizu's been dead for years. T__T;

2) Snow Fae and I have the same birthday. Whoa.

3) I actually haven't gone out and hung with my HS friends since... a very long time. The last time was when I had lunch with Teeny. Before that? Um... maybe in the spring.

4) "Credit Card" is codeword for "BLOW ALL YOUR CASH WITHOUT REALIZING IT." No, I have not reached that point yet (thank heavens), but Christmas is next month. Please, Kami-sama, let my check come in soon.

5) Stressing class is a STUPID THING TO DO. Life's more than As, Bs, or Cs. ENJOY the class. You'll get much more out of it.

6) I'm a sap. "The Tale of Despereaux" made me cry. "Skellig" made me get all teary-eyed too.

... There's more, but I have physics homework to do. Besides, the first one was the most important one anyway. =P I miss y'all muchly, though the busy busy life takes over.

<3<3<3 & c(__),

DG

P.S. Did my schedule today... I AM INTERNING WITH ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING WOMEN EVER. SHE WRITES FOR CHILDREN, ABOUT CHILDREN, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS AND IS UBER FAMOUS AND OMG I'M INTERNING WITH HER. O_O I AM SO HAPPY.

It has been one of those shitacular days that make me wonder why I don't walk around with a gun. Of course, I then realize that SHOULD I walk around with a gun, on days like these I would leave paths of dead bodies in my wake. And being that this is my mode of clearing out my dirty soul, you all get to hear about it. I pity you.

First of all, the weather was crappy today. Cloudy, rainy, the whole nine yards. But I get my ass up and go to school anyway, because today was going to be a kind of good day. I had my homework done, I had the necessary stuff I needed to talk to my professor, etc. I admit I was running a little late (I was going to get my late boat, the 9:30, instead of the 9:00), but I had about an hour to get there, so it was all good.

I ended up waiting 40 minutes for the bus. In the rain.

Shall I explain why this gets me pissed? It's not just the fact that TWO buses never came, oh no. It's the fact that THREE "Not in Service" buses passed, as well as two other buses that go elsewhere (but no one really goes there, so it's not a very crowded line that needs constant service). EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. The MTA wants to RAISE the fare by a quarter, but they can't even provide good service that we would be happy to pay for? It's not that the buses don't exist; if they didn't exist, they wouldn't be on the time table. It's just that they NEVER COME. I don't know WHAT these guys are doing, but they're not doing their job. And it's not like the bus that came was late - he had no idea what I was talking about when I asked him if there was traffic or something. It's like they VANISH INTO A BLACK HOLE.

So yes. By the time the bus came, it was about 9:15 and I was not going to make my 9:30 boat. Which means I won't be on time for my 10:50 class. I get the 10:00 boat. This was fine. I can't do anything about this.

Then came the subway. By the time I got to Manhattan, it was raining. So I was walking to the subway in these horrific winds, attempting to keep an umbrella straight (I eventually gave up and just put it away), meanwhile getting EXTREMELY frustrated because my bag keeps slipping off my shoulders and my ipod headphones keep coming out of my ears (or getting yanked out when my bag slips). This means I was in a foul mood when I got on the subway.

Then the lady who came in behind me decided to sit next to me.

Allow me to explain. Between me and the next guy there were three seats. THREE. This means that she could sit in the middle one and give us all our personal space. No, the stupid ass had to sit HALF ON TOP OF ME (I consider legs totally pressed against each other to be "half on top") and FALL ASLEEP. I was so... incredibly annoyed. There is a thing called PERSONAL SPACE, and New Yorkers are VERY FOND OF IT. I had half a mind to smack her in the face with my wet umbrella.

So I got off early, took another train, and got to school. Late. 11:20 I run into class, apologize, and sit down. The day got semi-better then. Class was wonderful, talked with her about the potential winter classes, got that stuff down, and then got my paper back (I told her it was crap, she wrote it was a wonderful essay o.O go figure). She then asks me if I want to intern for her.

Insert totally happy dance moment here.
TOTAL. HAPPY. DANCE.

This woman is totally amazingly well-known. She's written a book (one that I know of) and she speaks WORLDWIDE on children's literature. She's head of the English department (which is where I would intern) and I love her to bits. AND SHE WANTS ME TO INTERN. YES!

I then had to go to physics. 79 on the exam. This is after a 22 point curve. DG = FUCKFUCKFUCK. I knew I didn't do brilliantly, but still. I studied and really thought I knew the stuff. So that was a disappointment; however, if I do well on the final I might still have a chance to pull off an A. Please, big guy in the sky, let me do well.

After that Monica and I headed to James, realized we had to be elsewhere, and went there. They were closed, but we ran into Winnie, so we all went, got lunch, and headed up to the Honors Lounge. It was fun, we hung out and spoke... Sean came later, which was fun. He's a rather funny guy... who apparently had Japanese hair straightening. o.o And he's straight. I'm confused. Metro? Maybe?

Then was physics recitation, which was OK, and then we headed home. Daddy picked me up from the ferry with spectacular news: he just got a ticket. Apparently the bastard told him he made an illegal turn (left from the middle lane) and was a "danger to society."

Now, first of all, allow me to explain this road. There are three lanes: left land, center lane, bus lane. However, the road DOES NOT GO STRAIGHT AHEAD, meaning you have to make either a left or a right. Another thing - there are no signs saying center lane must go right. It is LEGAL to go left, because this (essentially) two-lane road goes into a three-lane road. There is ROOM for multiple cars to make this turn at the same time. HELL, the BUS, from the BUS LANE, makes this left turn. So, the officer's bullshit about there being plenty of signs that state otherwise was wrong.

That's not just the only thing. The guy forced my dad's car door shut (my dad was opening it a bit instead of opening the window because the window gets stuck in wet weather and he didn't want to deal with that hassle) without SAYING A WORD. IF THE DOOR IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE OPEN, FINE. BUT YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING INSTEAD OF POSSIBLY SLAMMING A PERSON'S FINGERS IN THE DOOR.

It gets better. Apparently the bastard feared for his life, because the entire time he didn't allow my father to speak and kept a hand on his gun. NICE. No prejudice, people, no prejudice! I mean, my dad's only Indian / Yemeni - OF COURSE he's a potential terrorist. NONSENSE, I think the officer should have just SHOT him instead of giving him a ticket. I told my dad to bring that up during the trial (he's going to fight the ticket and the points) and, I swear, if I EVER see that officer I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM.

I'm sick and tired of officer crap. Don't get me wrong - I don't stereotype all police officers. In fact, I know some who are really nice. The ones who helped me when I got into my accident on the boat were really nice. But I also know there are plenty of corrupt-bastard officers who should be lined up and shot as an example to all - this is what happens to you when you let a little bit of power get to your head.

I'm just... so angry now. I'm TIRED of this. What kind of bullshit is this? My father has been a law-abiding resident of this country for OVER TWENTY YEARS. He had a TOTALLY CLEAN RECORD. And then this guy comes along and pulls this prejudice-filled shit. He was just a pissed off officer looking for someone to get his grudge out on. I swear, if I didn't know karma would come back to bite my in the ass, I'd wish his gun would go off and take his balls with it.

So. Angry.
So. Incredibly. Angry.

<3<3<3 & c(__),

DG

Sometimes... I wonder if I overreact too much. Perhaps I do. I think I keep things in... so, when someone finally does something I can't keep quiet about, not only do they get the anger from the particular event that concerns them, but everything else I've been holding in. It's not right, but it's the way I am. But this bothers me.

I've been having a sort of issue... let's call the issue Person A. Person A and I were set up by Person B online... so all we do is chat a bit. By the fourth conversation he's talking about sex and fetishes and other things that, frankly, are rather creepy. Needless to say, I'm probably not going to meet this guy. However, besides talking about it with Person B, I also tell Person C. I trust Person C and value Person C's opinion. I also value and trust Person B.

Then I find out that Person B and Person C have been talking about the Person A issue. Not much, probably just a brief mentioning... but it's enough to upset me. Why would Person C talk to Person B about it? Does Person C think I can't handle my own problems? Why would Person B not tell me that Person C has mentioned it? Was it just something that Person B didn't think was important enough (besides, why would Person B have to report everything to me? I'm not B's boss or anything) to mention? Why wouldn't Person C tell me what it was about when I asked?

Fine. I understand it's a private conversation and it didn't cross their minds that it was something I'd feel obligated to know about (rightly or wrongly)... but still. Call it paranoia, but I feel totally... babied. Belittled. Like I can't trust anyone anymore. At least them. And I don't WANT to feel that way.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I don't want to just push my feelings away, saying it doesn't matter. Because, to me, it does matter. I may not be worried about it in an hour or so, but right now... it bothers me. And it makes me feel paranoid. And it, really, pisses me off. Because if there's one thing I hate, it's people not saying things to my face - at least when I ask them about it.

But whatever.

In the great span of things, this is nothing.

Sorry for overreacting / being paranoid.

<3<3<3 & c(__),

DG

You know... it's depressing to see my sister walk the same path in life. We're very close and very similar (to a certain degree, of course)... and it depresses me to see her go through the same things I went through. It's called life, I know... but it doesn't make it much easier for me.

She's been upset recently by the way her friends are acting. According to her, a bunch of them threw a surprise party for a mutual friend - and didn't tell her about it. This is on top of them all going out and not informing her (she usually can't go, so they've stopped asking)... so she's really hurt. She hides it, of course (she is MY sister, after all)... but I can tell it upsets her. She's non-confrontational, so she'll hold it in and suffer silently - even if I tell her she should tell one of them how she feels.

I remember doing the same thing in High School. If any of my friends read this - hey, you guys treated me like shit back then. I realize it now, the way my friends acted sometimes... it wasn't right. That level of exclusion (only at certain points, especially before I turned 16) is damaging to a person. Social exclusion is hard. I think it happens to everyone, at some point in their life, and is a part of growing up... so I'm not complaining about it (especially since it made me stronger), but it still hurts to see her go through it.

My sister is literally the SWEETEST most SINCERE person I've ever met. She's beautiful. She has her spoiled moments, but she does things without complaining, tries not to be a burden, and does what she has to do. I love her to death. She's helpful to her friends, cares about them deeply, and is loyal as anything. She's nice to most people, except those who treat her with hostility (but she won't be hostile back, she just avoids them). She does what she has to do (though I do wish she'd study more). She's my baby (though don't start accusing me of being overly affectionate! I know that all ready!)

...I just hope she realizes what she has to do soon. She has to communicate more, and not hold it all in. When she turns 16, my dad will let her go out more (like he did with me; don't criticize, it's a different way of growing up)and she'll be able to hang out with them more. I just hope that, by that point in time (next month), she's not so reclusive she won't even tell them she can go out.

One day, like me, she'll snap. And, when it's all died down, she'll speak for herself and not be ashamed to bitch at people when they deserve it. I hope.

...

Anyway, I got two huge tests next week, as well as a paper due... so I'll be gone <3 I had happier and more rant-y topics to talk about, but I really don't have the time to waste. I just wanted to get that out before I totally became depressed myself.

<3<3<3 & c(__),

DG

Okay, I know it's rare for me to post more than once a day... but the previous one doesn't even count as a real post. This won't be either, but I have to get it off my chest! I've been reading / watching this series called Zombie Loan... didn't get very far in the manga (DLing it, and they've only just started releasing it in the US)...

I AM SO UPSET.

First of all, I <3 the series. I HATE zombies, but this TOTALLY IS LOVE. (Sure, people have accused me of having bad taste, but that's another story!) AND THERE IS ONLY 11 EPISODES. NO!!! THE STORY ISN'T EVEN COMPLETE! T.T THEY SO BETTER DO A SECOND SEASON! I just finished episode 11, and I found out this was the last one... NO! WTF! X.x; It's not... complete... ;.;

Waah.

;.;