| Writer's Block: Sharing Haikus |
[Sep. 5th, 2008|07:29 am] |
Pirates, bright pirates
More colourful than ninjas
Spirits and cannons blaze. |
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| Google Chrome |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008|06:06 pm] |
I just couldn't make myself agree to the terms and conditions necessary to install it. There are some statements in the agreement that are clearly intended to a) counteract the use of google browser to hack (for DDOS, etc) and b) allow google to collect information for the purposes of improving their browser software, but there are a few statements in there that are SO vaguely worded that I can't make myself agree.
eg: "7.2 You agree to the use of your data in accordance with Google’s privacy policies."
I went and re-read Google's privacy policies (they've changed a lot over the years, without notifying users) and they're Just. Too. Vague.
For all I know unless I use "incognito mode" all the time, it is perfectly within google's terms if google chrome were to send copies of my daily browsing habits, cookies, etc back to google HQ every time so long as they don't sell them to anyone.
Even if they don't sell them, this is Not Okay with me, so I'm not installing it today. Maybe I'll feel less paranoid tomorrow, or maybe part of their next version will involve a better fucking agreement, but *shudder*. Not today.
Hey, maybe John or Rob can talk some sense into me about this knee-jerk paranoia when it comes to google and the info it collects. (for example, I won't use gmail for anything but the direst circumstances when no other email is available to me) I do use google as a search engine, and I know that that info is cached and associated with my browser -- but in that case I'm pretty careful what I search for.
Srsly. |
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| good pain, bad pain, good fish bad... no wait. |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008|11:33 am] |
How few/many weeks ago was it when I was swearing up a storm about how profoundly much I hated standing poses?
Today's class was AWESOME. This summer has been a really strong summer for learning. With every class something new (big or small, it doesn't matter) just clicks and something new falls into alignment. It feels so good that even the hamstring-tearing, quad-burning, calf-destroying standing poses were a pleasure this morning. A sweaty, exhausting, ohgodsI'mgonnadieifIholdonemoresecond pleasure, but a pleasure nonetheless.
I'm still struggling with the right shoulder alignment for downward dog, I know where I'm not getting it right but I still haven't figure out what right feels like. Every week is a little bit better, but my elbows are still feeling the weight and my shoulders are sitting quite right. I know downward dog is one of the most complicated (beginner) poses -- so many parts to get right, fingers and wrists and forearms and biceps and triceps and shoulders and lats and hips and quads and and and... Every muscle I can think of except my neck is involved and I think I'm getting about half of them right -- which is a big improvement over a year ago, but I'm still so far.
Which means I'm still pretty far from handstands too, but that's okay. Give me a few years and the inspirational pose in this icon will be my comfy rejuvenation pose.
I'm also noticing a huge difference in my body. First it was my posture that changed dramatically, then my energy levels. Not long after new strength came -- in that all the little things I do each day suddenly got easier; lifting heavy kitchen gadgets back onto shelves above my head, lifting friends in a giant bear hug, taking stairs two at a time. Now it feels like all those same realizations are coming again at a new level -- not only are my shoulders straighter, but my back and abs engage when I stand still, or walk. Not only am I strong enough to lift the stuff I need to, I enjoy doing it now and once in a while notice a muscle I haven't seen in many years flex or bulge in a new way while I do something perfectly habitual. My energy levels are better, although I'm starting to crave more and more -- more dancing, more music, more sex, more sport.
This morning at the grocery store I helped one of the stock guys with a crate of orange juice that was slipping. A year ago when I was still living in fear of my body, I never would have had the instinct to reach out and catch the crate like I did today.
I joke about feeling older, and I do feel it. I feel how many more days it takes to recover from an indulgence be it sugar or alcohol or sleep dep. But I'm also taking better care than I have in a long time, so if my physical health were a zero sum game I'd have to say I might be getting close to the positive half of my own personal parabola. |
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| wow. |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|12:50 am] |
that's it.
The Finntroll show was awesome. |
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| hope is the thing with wings |
[Aug. 26th, 2008|12:40 pm] |
On my way back from the Yoga retreat near Montreal, my friend Maria gave me a package to bring back to an artist colleague of her in Toronto. Libby came to pick up her art last night and I think we argued for a good ten minutes about whether I would take the cheque initially intended to fedex the package. I didn't feel right taking the money because I was driving this way anyway, she felt that she'd gotten the good end of the deal having someone carefully transport it than risking it to the postage gorillas.
We settled on her giving it to a charity, so she said the charity she would pick is her local artist's coop, the Loup gallery. Apparently I should be receiving a membership soon. Anyone up for going exploring installations with me?
Libby's installation is going on in September, just as I kick off a couple of weeks of travel so I'm sad to be missing it. She showed me a postcard of it and for some reason it reminded me of a friend's installation many many years ago.
Aura (remember Aura?) did an angry "it sucks being female" piece which involved hanging a row of raw fish heads from a clothesline, with rubber gloves suspended underneath to catch the dripping. (the show was up for a week I think she said, with a lot of dripping by the end of it.)
It was gross, and very evocative and a part of me at the time thought YEAH, YEAH, IT DOES SUCK LIKE THIS.
I told Libby about it and she talked about how her installation (a 20 foot high row upon row of silk and bamboo in earthy bronze tones mixed with chains and shot through with blood-crimson streaks) was sort of the opposite -- it starts off all about the chains and slaughter and horror and humanity, but ends in softness. She said it was about finding hope in the morass of utter shit (morass of shit being my language, but I don't recall the words she used) that humanity is capable of, of finding an ounce of softness in the midst of the struggle.
I wondered aloud if it was an age thing -- Aura was in her early 20s, and Libby clearly in her 50s or 60s. She said it was very much that for her, that as she found ways to just accept that it all existed, she started to see glimpses of hope off in the distance.
I've been struggling with that lately. Struggling with my first-world bullshit whining, struggling with this general sense of ease and contentment that is settling over my comfortable life. The brilliant anger of my angst ridden years is fading, and I'm terrified that in it's absence there will be nothing but roofing projects and polite discussion about the best way to maintain your ()&@$)&@ lawn. My drive to write and spew vitriol in searing swaths across the page is dissipating with my anger, and I'm caught searching for how to define myself now and reasons to continue to strive for change.
Some days, after a particularly good pranayama or glorious day of solid work like yesterday I realize I do have something starting to fill that void.
And maybe Libby's right. Maybe it's hope.
(Well, hope and mortgage calculations. But mostly hope.) |
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| cell phone update |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|05:27 pm] |
Dear gods the bell mobility customer service people are so cheerful. I've been on and off with them about a half dozen times in the last two days and they're so helpful it's a bit disconcerting. I kept expecting them to do the usual Rogers dodge and say "I can't help you with that" or "your account isn't authorized for that" or something completely retarded and misinformed the way Rogers always does -- necessitating twenty minutes of yelling to convince them I know what I'm asking for.
Nope. They just cheerfully read me their mandated scripts, fixed the things they were supposed to fix, gave me the right number to call for the other stuff I wanted, and insisted I have a nice day and enjoy my Bell Mobility phone.
I have no knowledge of their internal practices, other services, wireless reception or ANYTHING but clearly whoever runs their customer service processes and quality is doing an excellent job.
So my old cell phone number is officially ported to my new cell phone. For free. With free text messaging thrown in for the next three years.
Nice.
My only not-really-a-beef is that the new phone looks EXACTLY like the old phone except it's a bright silver instead of the Rogers charcoal grey. The whole chatharsis I was looking for in switching away from the Ministry just isn't happening since it's exactly the same handset in the same holster with the same earpiece and the same ring.
I'd better go download a Ministry-inappropriate ringtone. :) |
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| Sir Penguin the penguin! |
[Aug. 16th, 2008|08:18 am] |
Dear gods, I want to live in a country with a sense of humour! (I think North America was born without one)
Look! The Norwegians knighted a penguin! With video!
This totally made my morning. |
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| Writer's Block: Six-Word Story |
[Aug. 14th, 2008|01:32 pm] |
O'Canada, duct-tape will mend broken heart.
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My hands held life, now empty.
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Man ran to space, still lonely.
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Human ingenuity: poetry and greenhouse gases.
(You know, maybe it ISN'T a lack of ideas that keep me from my swiftly receeding authorship dream. Maybe it really is just laziness and commitment.) |
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| in other news... |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|09:27 am] |
So last night at dinner a number of "cultural" references came up that I'd like to follow up on...
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) akujin00 and scumm_boy, what was the name of that uber-vitriolic comedian you mentioned?
Also: do you remember those movies that make me a social retard for now having seen? The one with the guy that just died (that was the voice of Chef) and another one that came up in the same conversation?
yeah, I have a great memory for these things. NOT. |
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| mmmm.... meat. |
[Aug. 8th, 2008|03:49 pm] |
I just deboned a duck. I expected it to be a lot trickier than a turkey or chicken considering how motherducking hard they are to debone or carve once roasted.
Surprisingly, it was just like deboning a slightly elongated chicken. The extra fine ribs and stuff were a bit sharp and I nearly speared myself on them a couple of times, but all in all no mishaps and one wee slab of solid duckmeat now rests in the fridge awaiting the fated deboning of the turkey, then the chicken, then the stuffing and trussing and popping of in the oven tomorrow morning.
DID YOU KNOW IT TAKES NINE FUCKING HOURS to sloooowly roast a turducken? In order for the heat to penetrate through all the insane meat, you have to cook it at 225F for NINE HOURS.
But first, I have to match up the data requirements with the security constructs. Oh yes. deboning a turkey will be my reward for the fascinating task of hotlinking 5 different data requirements in about 100 different places throughout the spec.
I lead an exciting life, I tell you.
But I ate a strawberry and cherry tomato from my backyard this morning so I'm not sure I'm up for trading any of it. |
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| Pranayama |
[Jul. 29th, 2008|12:45 pm] |
In yoga this morning, we did pranayama. The way we practice the breathing techniques in our Iyengar class is by doing easier, supported variations of the poses so that we can focus on our lungs and breath through the pose. We started with a downward dog variation where our forehead was leaning on a bolster to take some weight off the neck and arms. Some of the other variations we did were shoulderstands with a chair under our hips and bolster under our shoulders, child's pose with a bolster for the forehead, uttanasana with our forehead on a chair, and so on. During Supta Baddha Konasana, we did something new -- not just the controlled, lung-filling, abs-quiet, boobs-rising breath with "exhalation from the brain cells". This time for the exhalation, we made a "bee sound" with our throats, vibrating our throats as the air poured out of our chests, and hips, past the throat and through the nose. It was scary at first, trying to find that consistent vibration so that I didn't just feel like I was singing, but vibrating the throat itself. I don't know if all those singing lessons helped or hindered -- on the one hand I have a lot more awareness of the different parts of my throat. On the other, I was also acutely aware that my chin was so close to my chest, and kept wanting to vibrate with my upper palate and voice box, rather than the throat itself. Either way, it felt good, and brought energy to the unpleasant things I had to get done this morning.
Then I ran into northbard at the cafe where I stopped for a vegan muffin and some reading time. It turns out that "The Common" is near his place and he was running around doing last minute things for KG. After coffee, I stopped at Prive Spa for a pre-yoga-retreat pedicure. I spent so much time with my face inches from my toes, that I wanted something to look at. I know it sounds odd, but I got three little white flowers painted in a line on my big toe -- from the outside corner of the foot in to the inside corner of the toe. The line is meant to remind me to ground the outer edge of my foot during standing poses. As a born pronator, I need to focus my attention there every time or I lose all the strength in my ankles and calves and completely destabilize my postures. So I got flowers painted on my toes. Goofy and silly and on a background of bright motherfucking green -- just what I needed.
Kathy, the lady who did my pedicure was super sweet and very tolerant of my odd pose in the giant massage chair. I have fresh ink on my back that meant that I wasn't leaning it against the leather for fear of dislodging a scab too early, and I had three HITSP documents spread out on my knees -- the two RDSS that I'm responsible for, plus the new Interoperability Specification template. This morning's coffee-and-pedicure signal the end of my required reading. I've now gone through each document twice, and can probably quote sections at you. Considering the depth of the changes I needed to start making yesterday, I needed the prep. For additional prep, I did a comparison table between sections 3.1-3.4 of the new IS to the old RDSS that were done. The new IS requires quite a bit of new information, and I put together some notes and questions for the facilitators and leads to find out where and how to fill out that material without slowing down the collaborative groups during their comment-review calls. They may not be thrilled with the million questions I'm asking, but I think I need to ask them and EVERYONE has said "don't be afraid to ask!" so ask I will.
As soon as I'm done procrastinating.
Speaking of which: here's my "home planet" quiz thingie. ( behind the cut... ) |
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| mmmm...green smoooothie. |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|09:30 am] |
Today's green smoothie surprised the hell out of me!
Our back yard is FULL of basil (it's going to be a month of pesto dinners -- pesto chicken and pesto broiled fish and pesto wheat bread...) so I switched up my usual cup of cilantro for a cup of fresh picked basil.
Here's what I put in:
- 1 cup water
- 1 cup fresh basil
- 1/2 cup alfalfa sprouts (I couldn't find any other sprouts)
- 1 cup swiss chard
- 1 very small pear (about half a regular pear)
- 2 tbs lime juice
This made almost exactly one pint of tangy wonderful. I'm going to try it with some ginger tomorrow... |
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| Content filler... gacked from so many baaaa baaaa black sheep. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|09:03 pm] |
(Let's please keep in mind that the only reason I post content filler is so that a certain reticent poster has something to re-post! :P!)
SCATTERGORIES: Copy the text below, erase my answers, then use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things.. nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial.. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Gilamonstre!
4 LETTER WORD: Grow
BOY NAME: Georges of the Jungles
GIRL NAME: Guyslaine*
OCCUPATION: Groper, grower, groupie? So many interesting things to choose from!
A COLOUR: Golden
SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Gotchies! (you know, I never ever thought I'd ever use that euphemism)
BEVERAGE: Grog
FOOD: GREEN SMOOTHIE!
SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: GOTCHIES ON THE FLOOR! Oh, and gel. For hair. And teef.
PLACE: Georgia. As in the former USSR...
REASON FOR BEING LATE: Mmmm... Gotchies on the bathroom floor...
SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: GOTCHA!
*Guyslaine or Guylaine is sort of cheating. In english speaking countries my name is often mis-pronounced (no offense taken, it's not like it's spelled particularly clearly) Gill, Gillia, Giller, or Gillian. In French speaking countries I get... Guyslaine. One UK expat actually calls me (after six years) Gueezla -- he gets the hard "gu" sound right but then seems to pronounce half the common french name? I don't get it. But it's funny and bewildering to watch other colleagues reactions. People are so sensitive to names! |
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| exercise for grownups? |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|07:55 am] |
Ashtanga class yesterday was hard. The teacher gently but firmly kept the pace at what seemed (to me) an intermediate level. The vinyasa continued pretty much throughout the 90 minutes, and it was up to each student to be aware of their own limits and allow themselves to rest through a vinyasa (chain of movement) or particular asana (pose) when it was too much.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggles as much with allowing myself not to do a pose as I do with pushing myself through a pose. Forgiving myself my limits and committing to improve upon those limits is a thousand times more difficult than trying to pretend that I'm superhuman and just going until I hurt myself.
Yesterday I think I did well. I pushed, but when my legs started to give out, I stopped. I stopped just early enough that I still had the composure to pull myself into a resting pose (child's pose for downward dog, utanasana for the standing poses) for a few breaths.
I did well in my head, too. There were several moments where I had the urge to peer around me at other students and compare how I was doing, the urge to push myself harder because so-and-so who has been doing asthanga for over a year could do X so well. I gave in to the urge a couple of times, but managed to stay focused on my own practice most of the time.
I'm amazed at just how much emotional discipline is required for yoga, as much as the physical. I wonder if that is what draws me to it, the fact that the challenge isn't just the meat, but the spirit.
And with that, my kookymeter just went off so it's clearly time to start the laundry. |
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| green smoofies |
[Jul. 11th, 2008|08:21 am] |
Today's green smoothie is divine. Well, at least to me. Dave wasn't such a big fan.
I added some avocado and it's WAY smoother in taste and texture despite my lack of fancy blender. ($500 for a Vitamix is NOT worth it unless this really really becomes a habit rather than a phase.) It's a bit thick, despite adding some water, but that's okay. It's more like a milkshake than a drink. An obscenely healthy milkshake.
The other thing that helped was adding younger greens. The initial problem was the foot long dandelion greens that I bought last weekend. The more mature the greens, the more bitter they are. This weekend I'm going to hunt down some wee delicate kale and other younger greens and see if I can get away with a bit less than half an avocado. It's the best fat that I eat, but I still don't need to be consuming half an avocado a day.
The other thing that helped was tasting it here and there. I'd add some greens, then some avocado, then some water, then blend for a bit, then taste, then adjust.
I realize that sounds like it should be pretty self-evident, and I do do it when cooking, but this whole smoothie / raw food thing is SO NEW to me that it doesn't really FEEL like a culinary activity yet. I'm still looking at it from the point of view of raw numbers and chemical content -- the whole "playing" and wanting to have fun with it hasn't kicked in yet. |
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| part of me is laughing uproariously |
[Jul. 7th, 2008|08:26 am] |
I made my first green smoothie this morning. In it: 2 cups raw dandelion, 1 cup raw kale, 1 cup cilantro, 1 cup broccoli sprouts, 1 pear for sweetness. I would have added dulse (raw seaweed) but I don't have any.
Fitday claims the following about the nutritional content:
2285.6 mcg of Vitamin A (285% RDA)
5.24 mg Vitamin E (66% RDA)
592.83 mcg of Vitamin K (912% RDA)
149.5 mg of Vitamin C (249% RDA)
0.427 mg Thiaming (39% RDA)
0.665 mg Riboflavin (60% RDA)
0.647 ng B-6 (50% RDA)
3.6 mg Niacin (26% RDA)
100 mcg Folate (25% RDA)
6 mg Iron (40% RDA)
1.5 mg Zing (12%)
4.25 mg Selenium (8%)
350 mg Calcium (35%)
188 mg Phosphorus (27%)
114 mg Magnesium (35%)
130 mg Sodium
1472 mg Potassium
9.5g Protein
13 g Fiber / 64 g Carbs
3g Fat
207 Calories
Holy motherfucking shit, I just drank my multivitamin, with fibre.
It tasted a bit more bitter than the stuff my boss was making for us, and it's a much darker colour. I'm wondering if she adds a bit of yogurt or almond milk to soften it up. Websites I've been looking at suggest adding A LOT more fruit until you get used to the taste of greens, but I'm cagey about doing that. Other sites suggest also adding avocado to aid in the vitamin absorption, which I might do one day.
But you know, on day 5 of working from home -- I finally started what I'm hoping will become a good habit.
In other news, my hamstrings are killing me. Dave and I tried a new type of yoga (Asthanga-ish) with __flatline__ and gothjen at the Dynamic Conditioning Centre where __flatline__ tortures himself for Aussie rules football.
Let me say that after so many months of getting what I consider to be pretty strong at Iyengar, Ashtanga kicked my ass. I went in with sore legs from Thursday's standing poses, but even without that excuse it would have kicked my ass. I was sweating, sliding, falling all over the place. About 75% were familiar poses that I think I did relatively correctly despite the speed we were doing them at, and then some of them were just WEIRD, like the eagle pose and the whole doing twists lying down. I liked some of it, felt uncomfortable with some (the bits where we did unfamiliar poses quickly, without time to understand how to do them properly) and overall felt pretty beat up afterwards -- one of my favourite feelings.
Dave liked it well enough to want to do it again, so we did the ultimate of yuppie couple things -- we bought a pass to do more yoga together. Out of the joint account that we use to pay things like electricity bills.
So -- quitting smoking, yoga three times a week, and now green smoothies. If THIS doesn't drive my IQ up 10 more points, NOTHING WILL. |
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| the dark side of yoga |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|10:37 am] |
When I signed up for this yoga business, NOBODY told me that there would be push-ups involved. PUSH-UPS.
And HOMEWORK.
PUSH-UPs for HOMEWORK.
I am not impressed. I ALSO have homework to "build up my neck muscles" because I'm starting to struggle with some of the weirder, standing, backbends. How the hell do you build up your neck muscles? My brain hasn't quite grokked that one yet -- moving my butt muscles sideways and back and forth like geisha balls, was easier. Hey __flatline__, or any of you other exercise fanatics -- how the hell do I (safely) build up the muscles along the sides of my neck?
In more serious yoga explorations, I had firstand experience with just how dramatically yoga affects physical energy levels yesterday. I've been slowly learning that in theory, shoulderstands even out your energy, shivasana and child's pose mellow your energy, backbends give a positive glow to your energy and (I find) improve my creative juices, twists make you feel lighter and make difficult tasks less exhausting, and handstands and headstands and other inversions just INCREASE your energy -- like a bolt of stupidly strong coffee.
So last night when loftwyr asked to see a headstand (and I DID IT!!!), I got all excited and cheery and bounced around afterwards, babbling about yoga and stuff and bum muscles and all sorts of things. Then we went to bed. And I lay there, WIRED, dreaming intense and chaotic dreams about work and play and people and all sorts of madness.
When I mentioned it to Mieko this morning I got the lecture I expected (and abashedly accepted) about not being ready to do headstands without supervision (it's true, I'll stick with the prep poses for my home practice for a few months or years more) but I also got a lecture about energy levels -- doing headstands without recovery poses like shoulderstands and forward bends and shivasana to even me out could spiral out of control -- listening to her describe it in layman's terms I got the clear impression of manic, hyperactive, hopped-up-on-sugar behaviour. Here I am killing myself to avoid sugar because so many people (at work) depend on me to be the even-keeled, balanced one (yeah yeah, laugh it up funboys) and at the same time I'm fucking with my composure in other ways.
It was a fascinating lesson learned. As with so many things -- I'm only now starting to realize how truly little I know, and how much I have to learn. |
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| there's hope yet. |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|10:59 am] |
I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand.
By myself. Got my ass up there and stayed there.
I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand.
I've been working towards this for months. Only half believed it would happen. For sure not this soon.
I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand. I did a headstand.
When I tried it a second and third time, I was so excited I didn't have my shoulders balanced so I slid down to the left. But it doesn't matter. I DID A FUCKING HEADSTAND!!!!
If I can do that, we can do ANYTHING. |
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| It's official. I don't talk about poo enough. |
[Jun. 11th, 2008|10:31 am] |
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